02x17 - Lucy, the Laundress

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy!

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz Jr.

Mother's home! Anybody care?

Yeah! I care.

Oh, Kim.

You're dress.

Think! There may
be peeping toms!

Mother, the way you
lowered the hemline this

morning, they've got
nothing to peep at!

You must have
dropped it 4 inches!

Well, it was a question of lower
the dress or raise the knee caps!

Mother, I bought this
dress special for the party

on Sunday and I liked
it just the way it was!

Well, I didn't!

I seen you wear dresses


That's different! In my age,
I need all the help I can get!

- I want to raise it back!
- Hi!

Hi!

All right, I'll tell you what
Kim, let's let Craig decide.

He's very mature,
level-headed for his age. OK?

OK.

Craig, what do you think
of my skirt at this length?

Solid!

Oh, he's a kid.
What does he know.

Mother!

I only said that because I
thought he was on my side.

- All right, honey, you win.
- Oh, thank you.

Here mom, let me help.

I mean, it's the least I
can do for the sweetest,

grooviest, most beautiful
mother in the whole world.

How much money do you need?

$5.

Give me that! It's
cheaper to carry it myself!

Come on, mom. It's
for a parking ticket.

Oh, I wish you'd
be more careful.

Craig, I have been
driving since I was 16.

I have never had any problems!

I am a model driver!

I know, I know,
you keep telling us.

Never mind that.

Once you sit behind the wheel
of a car, you have a responsibility.

I wasn't even in the car!

Well, that's even worse, leaving
a scene of a parking violation!

What?

No, I am not Lucy's secretary.

I'm her employer! Mr. Carter!

Now look, whoever
you are... [glass breaks]

Uh-oh. Lucy just
made her splash down,

right on top of a
Chinese laundry truck.

Goodbye.

- Have a little accident?
- No thanks, just had one.

All right, all right, go ahead tell
me. It was the other driver's fault.

It was the other driver's fault!

You backed in to
an empty parked car!

I know. I saw the
entire m*ssacre!

Well, there was hardly
any damage! The other

car just got a little
scratched radiator.

The radiator was scratched
when it fell off the truck!

Oh, wait till the owner
discovers that someone has

wrecked his car and then
fled the scene of the crime!

I didn't fled!

I left a note on his windshield
telling where to find me,

and I put the windshield
in his front seat.

- Oh, and then Harry...
- What?

- Please not a word to my kids.
- Why not?

Because I told them
that I was a model driver.

[laugh] You a mod...

Oh look, look. Wait a minute, please,
now let's get cracking and type up that...

Oh please, I can't type
now. I'm still so shaky.

Oh, well yes. I suppose I
better get your stimulant.

Stimulant?

A shot of booze!

I thought you were a teetotaler.
When did you begin drinking?

- The day you first came to work for me.
- Oh, Harry.

Well, it's true enough.
That's what happened.

Well, don't look. Go away,
go away, go away! Go, go!

Don't!

Down periscope!

I got this free on
a flight to Hawaii.

You sure those are nose drops?

Aloha!

Now then, I'll have this little
old contract type up before

you can say Peter Piper
picked a peck of pickled peppers!

Lucille.

Peter Piper...

What?

Look if you stop playing games
now, I'll get this thing typed up!

Go away, go away, go
away, go away, go away!

Well, gee Mary Jane. I just hope the
kids don't find out about the accident.

Of course, maybe I
shouldn't be too worried.

This truck I backed into
belongs to a Chinese

laundry and you know
how the Orientals are,

calm, philosophical, not a bit
interested in material things.

Well, that laundry man probably wouldn't
accept money if I offered it to him.

Try me!

Oh, ah, forget everything
I said Mary Jane. Bye.

Permit me to introduce myself,

I'm Lee Wong, owner of
the Chinese laundry truck

with the radiator that spurt
up in the air like fountain.

Oh, squirt up like fountain!

Oh, that's funny!

Sense of humor come in handy
when paying for damage to my truck.

Here is estimate of damage.

We'll accept personal check with
driver's license, assuming you have one.

Oh, of course I have one.

It would be ill*gal to back into your
truck if I didn't have a driver's license.

$97.50?

Gee, look Mr. Wong,
if I said I was sorry

would you be willing to
forget the whole thing?

- Wong happy to forget.
- Oh.

But radiator has good memory!

Well, 97.50? Where I'm
going to get all that money?

Why don't you sell car,
take bus, leave driving to us!

Mr. Michaels,
Mrs. Carter is here.

- Oh, won't you sit down.
- Thank you.

- Nice to know you Mr. Michaels.
- How do you do?

How do you do?

Mrs. Carter I have
been assigned by the

insurance company to
take care of your accident.

Oh, the accident is all taken care of. I
just want you to handle the settlement.

Well, that's what I mean.

I'm the adjuster.

Now, suppose you explain to me
just how the accident happened.

We'll use these toy cars. Let's this one
is your car and this is the laundry truck.

Now place the cars exactly where
they were just before the accident.

Oh, all right.

- You say this is my car?
- Yes.

Well, do you have a green car?

Red doesn't go with my hair.

Well, it just so
happens that I do.

Oh good, good, good.

Oh! That's a cutie! Oh, thank
you. Thank you. Thank you.

Now, would you show exactly how you
backed your care into the laundry truck.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, I will do that.

What are you doing?

Well, the first time I saw the truck
was through my rear view mirror.

And your left hand was
up against your face?

Well, how else could
I put my lipstick on?

But I had both hands
on the wheel when I hit it.

Mrs. Carter could you give an idea
of just how hard you hit that truck?

Oh yes, yes. It was just a
teensy-weensy little bump.

Show me.

OK.

Well, now. Actually,
it wasn't that hard.

- Mr. Michaels?
- Yes.

Some computer information on
Mrs. Carter's policy just came in.

Oh, thank you.

Well, well, well!

Good news?

Oh.

- Mrs. Carter?
- Yes.

Exactly 3 minutes and 20 seconds before
the accident occurred, your policy expired.

So that means that
we are not liable!

You mean a big company
like this is going to chicken

out on me for a measly 3
minutes and 20 seconds?!

That's what made
us a big company!

Oh, hello Mr. Wong! Come in.

Oh, Mr. Wong, you
shouldn't have come here.

I told you I didn't
want my children to find

out about the accident.
What are you doing here?

It's a sympathy call
for your insurance

which I learned expired
just before accident?

Look, my daughter is upstairs,
can we meet someplace else?

Where? Gypsy tea room?

You widow, me
widower, people talk.

I only stay till you
give me 97.50 cash.

Oh, oh boy.

This is going to be the
longest sit down in history.

Mom! Great news! I
didn't have to pay the fine!

Oh?

I proved to the judge that there was
tree branch covering the no-parking sign.

I still have a perfect
driving record just like you!

[laughing]

Oh, dear. This
gentleman is Mr. Wong.

Mr. Wong this is my son, Craig.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Mr. Wong is an
interior decorator.

- Interior decorator?
- Yes.

Yes, I'm thinking of doing the
house over in Chinese modern.

Isn't that right Mr. Wong?

Yes. But still insist magenta tray
would clash with cerise sofa covers.

Well, you should know. He
did Grauman's Chinese theater.

Everything but footprints.

Well, nice meeting you Mr. Wong.

I got to go upstairs and
do my homework mom.

OK, dear.

Oh, gee. Thanks for
covering up for me, Mr. Wong.

Must admit selfish motive.

Easier to collect from
friend than enemy.

Yeah, if you believe me, I'm the
friendliest enemy you'll ever have.

Very good, Mrs. Carter.

And now the money please.

I cannot wait, must get
back to work in the laundry.

But Mr. Wong, I really don't have...
listen, maybe I can work off my debt.

There must be a lot of things I
could do to help you in the laundry?

No, no, please.

Well, let me put
it to you this way.

I don't have $97.50 so I either
work it off or you get nothing!

[speaking in Chinese].

What did that first part mean?

Just be careful with steam iron.

Oh, OK, OK.

Mrs. Carter?

Happy to introduce children.

This is number one
daughter-Linda Chin Wong.

Number two
daughter-Sun Chin Wong.

Oh, nicey meeting Chiny girly.

Where did you dig her up, pop?

Did she just come off the boat?

She going to work
for us a little while.

She's going to work for us?

Well, there goes
the neighborhood!

Well, Mr. Wong, I'm here to work
so what do you want me to do?

- I tell you after I make delivery.
- Oh.

Meanwhile, have
hamburger on house.

Oh, thank you.

- [speaking in Chinese]
- Goodbye, pop.

Oh my, they look delicious.

Do you likey putty
catchupy on hamburgery?

OK, OK, now we're even!

[doorbell rings] Anybody here?!

Oh, you sit down,
darling. I'll take care of it.

Coming, coming.

You just go ahead and
finish your hamburgers.

- OK.
- OK.

Yes, sir? What
can I do for you, sir?

Take a look at my laundry!
My favorite shorts are missing!

Oh, well I'm sorry
to hear that, sir.

Well, there are
no shorts in here.

Tell me sir, can you
describe your shorts?

Just a minute,
that's rather personal!

Oh, come on now. Tell
me, what do they look like?

Do I have to tell you?

Well, how else can I find them?

Come on now, you can tell me.

We of the laundry profession have
our own code, we never reveal secrets.

Just think of me as your doctor,
your lawyer, or your psychiatrist.

Well, the shorts
are size are 52.



All right, I'm not
going to tell you!

Oh, I'm sorry sir. I'm sorry.
Please describe them to me.

Well, they have lots of little
pink and white, prancing ponies.

Prancing ponies?!

Oh, I bet you look adorable!

Will you please
find those shorts?!

Oh yes sir, yes sir, yes sir. They
must be around here some place.

That's a shirt.

That's... somebody's
been to Hawaii.

Gee, the only thing with ponies
is this king-sized pillow case.

Those are my shorts!

Oh, look at them,
they're all wrinkled!

Oh well, don't you worry. The first time
you sit down, they'll straighten right out.

Now look!

I paid to have those ironed
and I want them ironed!

All right, all right, all right,
don't you worry about a thing.

You know, one thing
about doing business with

us, when we make a
mistake, we stand behind it.

What's that I smell?!

What is that I smell?

Well, smells like
something cooking.

Sir, I hope you're
not a sore loser.

Oh my ponies!!!

Well, Craig, how do you like it?

Looks great. Great.

I'm going to wear it
to the party on Sunday.

Good!

Hey, that peach smells
good. Can I have a bite?

Yeah, sure. Here.

Oh! Craig!

Oh, look what you've
done to my new dress!

Oh, gee. I'm sorry.

Oh! Mother's going to k*ll me.

How do you get
off a peach stain?

I don't know but you better
get it out before it sets.

Oh, why don't you
take it to the laundry.

Oh, I can't get to our laundry.
They might tell mother.

Well, there's a Chinese laundry down
on Pine and Hertz, you could take it there.

Oh, Craig!

Oh, Kim.

What?

Rots a ruck.

[phone rings]

Hello? Oh, hi uncle Harry!

No, mom is out.

What?

The Treshkin contract?

No, she didn't say
anything to me about it.

Yeah, well she might
have given it to Kim.

Kim went down to the Chinese
laundry at Pine and Hertz.

You might be able
to catch her there.

OK. Bye bye.

- Mrs. Carter?
- Yes, dear.

How long are you going
to be working for us?

Well, until I earn enough to pay
for the damage on your daddy's car.

Papa only pays 65 cents an hour.



He thinks because he is
Chinese, he can pay Coolie wages.

Well, it's going to be fun
watching you kids grow up.

Anybody here?

In a minute.

Welcome to humble
Chinese laundry.

I'm in a terrible hurry, do you think
you could this peach stain out right away?

Stain on rovery new dress.

You just broke $39.95.

I know.

How did you know
the price of my dress?

I worked in department
store, froor walker.

Are you sure you
can get this stain out?

No gualantee but I
give it all one-two-three.

Take off dress.

- Over there?
- Over there.

Wear those tealy croth lobe.

Oh, what a mess!

Asso.

Always happen when
daughter no risten to mama!

No communication!

Genelation grap!

Vely bad time spoil
dress just before big party!

How did you know I was
wearing this dress to a party?

So why else you buy new
dress? Go to beach and dig crams?

Here it is.

Oh, and if it will help you
any, that's a peach stain.

Good.

Peach easier to
rub out than prune.

Oh, excuse me. I'm
looking for a young lady.

I said, I'm looking
for a young lady.

Why no you join
ronely harts crub?

- Hi, uncle Harry!
- Kim!

That's the... the...

Kim, where is your mother?!

I don't know. I came downstairs
and then she was gone then I left.

Look, I don't know where
she filed the Treshkin contract

and if it isn't delivered Monday
morning, I blow the whole deal!

Ooh! Look what you're
doing to my new dress!!!

Ooh!

Ah, no care for
pick-a-boo brouse huh?

My mother is going to k*ll me!

Hush, hush darling.

Steam from Iron fog up glasses.

- Just relax, relax!
- Hi, uncle Harry!

- Oh, hello!
- Holy mackerel!

Miss, do you think you
can clean this in a hurry?

Asso. You two berong
to one sroppy famiry.

I crean your slacks now.

Well, if it isn't
madam butterfly!!

Mom, what are you doing here?!

Well, what happened
was I hit this Chinese

laundry truck and it's
going to cost me $97.50.

I came here to work and
so far I steamed a hamburger

and then some prancing
ponies then I burned your dress,

and I'm only getting 65 cents an hour
and I may have to work here for 17 years,

all because I didn't want you
to know I wasn't a perfect driver!

I'm just a sneaky,
conniving mother!

No, you're not mom. You're not.

You're a wonderful mother!

And I didn't want to
go to that party anyway.

- You didn't?
- No.

- And mom, - What.

I never believed you had
a perfect driving record.