04x12 - Lucy Helps David Frost Go Night-Night

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-staring Gale Gordon

and Lucy Arnaz.

Good morning, Lucille.

Oh, good morning, Harry.

Are you limping? Something
wrong with your leg?

No, no, I broke the heel
off one of my pumps.

Oh, come on Harry,
what's the matter?

Well, if you must know.

I was playing jacks with
my neighbor's little daughter,

the phone rang,
I ran to answer it

and I slipped on my threesies.

Oh, aren't you a little
old to be playing jacks?

- It isn't funny, Lucille.
- Oh.

The doctor said I may
have torn some ligaments.

Oh, I'm sorry, Harry.

I spent all of yesterday
with an ice pack on my knee

trying to get the swelling down.

- Oh, that's too bad.
- Well, thank you very much.

- Let's get to work, shall we.
- Yes, sir.

Good morning!

Oh, good morning.

Come in, sir. Come in.

May I help you?

I, uh, I uh...

Oh, forgive me for staring but

you look exactly
like David Frost.

David Frost?

Doesn't he look
exactly like David Frost?

Look like David Frost?
He is David Frost!

Of course!

Oh, you are! David Frost!

Imagine, David Frost
right here in our office!

Wouldn't it be funny if I turned
out to be Johnny Carson?

Oh, forgive me, Mr. Frost.

Oh, I'm Harrison Carter, this
is my secretary Lucille Carter.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

Now, what can I do for you?

You know, I see your
show all the time, Mr. Frost.

I just think you're marvelous

the way you interview the guest
and get them to talk about themselves.

I just think you're terrific.

You're very kind.

And I saw you on the
Carol Burnett Show.

Oh, you were so funny.

- You know... Lucille.

I'm sure Mr. Frost gets tired
of hearing that sort of thing.

Not at all; Mr. Frost is
rather enjoying it actually.

Well as I said, what
can I do for you?

Well, I got a rather unique problem,
so when I saw your name in the book,

the Unique Employment Agency,

I thought you might
be just my cup of tea.

Oh, splendid! Splendid!

Well, sit down, Mr. Frost.

Yes, make yourself
comfortable, Mr. Frost.

- I wanna know everything about it.
- Just sit down and relax.

Go back, back to work,
back, back, back, back.

I'm mostly intrigued with
your problem, Mr. Frost.

Tell me all about it.

Well as you probably
know, for part of the year,

I do a show where in England
as well as in this country

and I fly back and forth, oh
probably about 30 times a year

and my problem is I just
can't seem to get enough sleep.

Ahhh..

Lucille, Lucille, back,
back, back, back.

She's not bothering me really.

Really it's quite alright.

Hey you see with my schedule,

I need to get my
sleep on the plane

and however this is impossible
because I travel alone

and people are so nice.

They come up to me
and they talk to me

and I end up getting
no sleep at all.

Tsk, tsk tsk tsk.

Now, what I would like
to do is to hire somebody

to fly to London
and back, right,

sit in the seat next to me to keep
people away so that I can sleep.

I'll pay 500 dollars
in expenses, sir.

Do you have anyone
who can do that?

Oh, do we!

We are not going to send
the person you have in mind.

I suppose we're gonna send
the person you have in mind

who owns the company.

Exactly! Yes.

Back, back, go, go, go, back.

Mr. Frost, I will
accompany you personally.

That's great.

I'll be leaving tomorrow
on the noon plane.

I'll make all the
arrangements for your ticket

and I'll meet you on board.

Splendid! Splendid!

Look forward to seeing you
there. Now, I see you then.

Oh, yes.

Thank you very much
indeed for arranging all that.

It's really been very
nice meeting you both.

Nice meeting you, sir.

Thank you and goodbye.

Pip pip, cheerio!

"Pip pip cheerio."

The only thing you left
out was all that sort of rot.

- I was only trying to
make him feel at home.
- Oh well.

Oh! Ahhhhhh!

Oh, Harry I'm, sorry,

I'm sorry. Did I make it worse?

Oh, you certainly did.

By this time tomorrow my knee
will be the size of a watermelon.

I won't be able to walk at all.

Oh, there goes
the David Frost job.

Goodbye trip to London.

Goodbye $500.

Say Harry, I was just thinking.

Hold it! Hold it!

I know what you're going to say.

You're going to say, "Why
don't you let me go in your place",

and you think I'm going
to say "nothing doing"

instead I'm going to say "yes,
why don't you go in my place."

I don't see why you
can't let me for once...

You're gonna let me go?

Yes.

Does this mean that you finally
think I am intelligent enough

to handle something by myself?

No.

It means, that I don't wanna
lose the 500 dollar commission.

Oh.

Oh, Miss.

I'm the Sky Marshall.
I'll be with you on this trip.

Oh, glad to have you
with us. I really mean that.

- Hi, Mr. Frost! Good to see you again.
- Hi, Nancy!

One jacket for you.

Thank you.

There we are.
Thanks ever so much.

Good afternoon.

Hi!

Mrs. Carter!

What are you doing here?

Well uh, Harry hurt his knee
so I'm your substitute seat-mate.

I hope you don't mind.

It'll be terrific.

I'm sure you're just as
efficient as Mr. Carter

and you're certainly
much prettier.

Oh, thank you! Thank you.

You have no idea
how excited I am too...

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Here, I think I better help you.

Just give your brawly
and your mat, would you?

My what?

Oh I'm sorry, popping backwards
and forwards, I forget where I am.

What I mean to say is, give me
your umbrella and your raincoat.

Oh, oh fine.

Nancy, could you
take these please?

Thank you very much.

Now, let's just do
this. It's very simple.

Good afternoon
ladies and gentleman.

We'd like to welcome you
aboard Flight 750 to London.

Our approximate flying time
would be eleven and one-half hours.

Kindly fasten your
seat belts securely.

Place your seats in an upright position
and observe the No Smoking sign.

Thank you.

Well, it's easy to see you've
been on a plane before.




You have flown 1,800,053 miles?

Yes, can you imagine
the luggage I've lost?

This is your captain speaking.

We are first in line and we
are taking off momentarily.

Thank you very much.

Uh, would you hold
my hand please?

I beg your pardon?

It's nothing personal.

I like flying but I don't
like landings and take offs.

I always feel better if I hold hands
with the person I'm sitting next to.

Okay.

Thank you.

Well, here we are.

Mr. Frost, uh, may I
ask you something?

Yes of course.

Did your mother have a terrible
time not naming you Jack?

- Mrs. Carter.
- What?

May I ask you something?

Yes of course.

Could I have my hand back?

Oh!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, just a minute.

My goodness me.

All that typing certainly given
you a wonderfully firm grip.

Yes, yes.

Here you are, Mr. Frost.

Oh, I'll take those, thank you.

Uh, here.

Now, we'll just make
you nice and comfy.

Get you all tucked in.

There now, get comfortable.

Get comfy. Get comfy.

There we are and we'll
tuck your tootsies in.

Now, you're all
ready for beddy-bye.

You forgot my teddy bear, mommy.

Now don't you worry,

and I'm not gonna let
anybody wake you up

unless we're hijacked.

Would you care for a c*ck?

Oh, that's a nice idea.

I'll have a, root
beer on the rocks.

I uhm, I thought you might like a
little drink to help you get to sleep.

I was asleep.

That fast?

Oh, you wouldn't
care for a drink?

- No, thank you.
- No, he doesn't care.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

Would you like a
hot hors d'oeuvre?

Oh, they look yummy.

Would you hold that
a moment, please.

Uh, look at the
marvelous hors d'oeuvre.

Don't you think you'd sleep better
with something on your tummy.

No, I don't.

No, oh he doesn't want
any but I think I'll take one.

Oh, thank you.

Would you like a hot towel?

None for me.

It's really hot.

It's a real hot towel.

Oh my goodness,
did I wake you up?

Not at all, I'm crazy
about wine glass virtuosos.

Well, if you'll just
go right back to sleep

I promise to be as quiet
as a mouse from now on.

The captain reports
turbulence ahead.

Would you fasten
your seat belts please?

- May I take your tray?
- Oh yes, thank you.

Excuse me.

We are expecting turbulence.
Would you fasten your seatbelt?

- Oh yes, I'll take care of his.
- Thank you very much.

Ahhh!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Mrs. Carter, I hired you to sit
in the seat next to me, right?

For one reason.

- To stop people from waking me.
- Yeah.

And guess who's been
keeping me awake?

Me?

As you say in the
colonies, right on!

Well, it won't happen anymore.

- It won't happen anymore.
- Precisely.

If it does happen
anymore, Mrs. Carter,

what's gonna happen is
that you're going to be fired.

Fired?

So you won't get
your 500 dollar fee,

and you'll have to buy
your own plane ticket home.

Yes, sir.

Well, don't you worry, sir. I'm
not gonna bother you anymore

and I'm gonna
stay awake all night

so that no one else
will bother you either.

Are you ready for
your breakfast, sir?

Oh yeah, fine thank you.

Mr. Frost. Mr. Frost.

Psst! Mr. Frost.

You're fired.

But you don't understand.
This time it's important.

It's always important.

You're fired.

Please Mr. Frost, listen to me.

We have a hijacker aboard.

What on earth
gave you that idea?

I saw a g*n under his coat.

Well, a g*n doesn't necessarily
prove that he's a hijacker.

Well, it doesn't
prove that he isn't.

Mrs. Carter, your logic is so
twisted that it almost makes sense.

Where is he?

Well now, he was
sitting right there.

Apparently, hijacking
pays very well.

He's traveling first class.

- Where is he now?
- Well he went back that way.

Now look, here's what we'll do.

We'll trade seats so
that when he comes back,

I'll be out of your way
and you can grab him

from behind.

That's what "we'll" do?

Well now look, I spotted
him. I can't do everything.

I can't grab him.

I mean, if I'm mistaken
I'll feel like a fool.

Well look at it this way,

if he isn't a hijacker
there's no harm done,

but if he is a hijacker
and you don't grab him,

you may be doing
your show from Cuba.

There must be a Sky Marshall
on board here somewhere.

Let him grab him.

Oh, here comes the hijacker.

Come on now, hurry
up. Change seats.

Come on, change seats.

Get him.

Ahh!

Hijacker!

Hijacker! Hijacker!

Help! Help!

Where's' the Sky Marshall
when you need him!

Hijacker! Hijacker!

Hello.

Lucille, this is Harry.

Oh, hello love, how are you?

One day in London and you
think you're one of the Beatles.

What's' this story in the
paper about David Frost

being an alleged hijacker?

Oh, have they heard
about it in the colonies too.

Yes, we heard about
in the colonies too.

The story's in the front page

along with a picture of you
two being hustled off the plane

by two men from Scotland Yard.

Yeah well, actually, it
isn't as bad as it looks.

You see, we though the
Sky Marshall was a hijacker,

and when Mr. Frost grabbed him,

everybody thought
he was a hijacker

and things got all mixed up

but it was certainly very
sweet of you to call, Harry

because you were
so worried about me.

I am not worried about you.

I'm worried about the 500 bucks.

Are we going to get paid?

Yeah, we do if I go on his
show tonight and tell the people

what really happened
and clear his name.

Well, you're going
to do it of course!

Right-o!

It will be jolly good
fun to be on the telly.

Well, you jolly well better
come home with that money

or you can jolly well take
a jump in the Thames!

What time is it there?

Five in the afternoon.

Oh, I suppose you've
been sleeping all day

to make up for last
night on the plane.

No! I'm too excited to sleep.

As a matter of fact, what would
being up all night on the plane

on shopping, sightseeing,

I really have not had
any sleep for 33 hours.

Thirty-three hours
without sleep!

Well you'd better take a nap
before you go on that show tonight.

Aren't you exhausted?

No, not really.

You know, I only have one day
here so I don't wanna waste it.

I'm planning to see the Changing
of the Guard at Buckingham Palace

and Westminster Abbey.

That's before I do the
show at seven tonight.

Well, I'd better hang up this
call. It's costing me a fortune.

Hmm, well, nice
talking to you, Harry.

Ta ta.

Ta ta.

Thank you, thank you.

Now ladies and gentleman,
to continue with the festivities,

it's my pleasure to bring
you a very special guest.

I'm sure you all read the paper
about the hijacking this morning.

Well we have with us tonight,

the lady who's gonna clear
up this misunderstanding

once and for all.

Here she is, the one and
only, Mrs. Lucille Carter.

We meet again, Mrs. Carter.

Yes.

Now last night,
aboard that airplane,

you were sitting
beside me. Correct?

That's correct. Excuse me.

Now, will you tell all the
audience your story now

and start at the very beginning.

Oh, well, I was born in
Jamestown New York

and shortly after that
we moved to Montana.

No no, no, not that far
back. Start with the airplane.

Oh, oh, well the airplane was first
flown by Orville and Wilbur Wright

in the town of Kitty
Hawk, North Carolina.

Mrs. Carter, would you
start with our airplane trip?

Oh, oh yes. Oh, aha.

We left Los Angeles
yesterday afternoon

and it was a very clear day

and the Captain said we
would be cruising at 40,000 feet,

I think he said,
and uh, pardon me,

I was sitting next to
Mr. Frost all the way

and this morning
about um, oh, 8 o'clock,

Mr. Frost was asleep

and I noticed that um...

Mrs. Carter, Mrs.
Carter, please!

Please what?

Please tell the
audience about our flight.

Oh, we left Los Angeles
yesterday afternoon,

and it was a clear day

and the Captain said we'd
be cruising at 40,000 feet

and I was sitting next
to Mr. Frost all the way...

I'm sorry.

This morning about oh
about 8 o'clock, I think it was.

Mrs. Carter!

Mrs. Carter!

Mrs. Carter!

Hmm?

We'd like to hear your
story if you don't mind.

Oh yes, sir.

I'd like to tell it.

We left Los Angeles
yesterday afternoon,

and it was a clear day

and the Captain said that
we were flying real high

and uh, I um,

I was sitting next to
Mr. Frost all the way,

and this morning
about 8 o'clock,

I noticed that the man across
the aisle had a g*n under his coat,

and so I told Mr. Frost that I
thought the man was a hijacker,

that's what I told you right?

Then I suggested that
he grab him and hold him.

So actually, actually I feel that
the whole thing was my fault.

Mr. Frost only jumped
on the Sky Marshall

because he thought that the
whole plane was in danger.

So, I feel actually that it was
a very brave thing for him to do

and I, that's uh-

Well, I must explain that
Mrs. Carter is sleepy because

she was awake all last night.

Excuse me, and frankly I
understand how she feels

because I don't feel
too wide awake either.

I'm sorry, I've never
done this before,

but I'm very pleased that
she was with us this evening

to clear out this
misunderstanding

because...

I feel that all of
our audience has

the right...

Ladies and gentleman, on
behalf of Mr. Frost and his guest,

thank you and good night.