04x13 - Lucy in the Jungle

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz.

Carter's Unique
Employment Agency.

Oh, hi, Kim!

Yeah.

Well, I'm staying at the office
because Harry had to go to the doctor.

Okay, honey.

Yeah!

You can cook dinner tonight
but make it light will you,

I still got about 18
inches of lunch left.

Okay, bye!

Hi, Harry! What
did the doctor say?

Hee!

Is that what he said?

Hoo!

That bad, huh?

Haa!

Well, now for heaven's
sake Harry what are hee,

hoo, haa, mean?

It means the doctor
charged me 90 dollars!

So what, what's more important
your health or 90 dollars?

Don't answer that.

Lucille, I'm not a well man.

The doctor tells me I'm on the
verge of a nervous breakdown.

I have to get some rest.

Well why don't you
travel; take a little vacation?

Vacations cost money.

It's shocking what they charge
for hotel accommodations.

Oh! Wait a minute,

- I just remembered something.
- Oh?

This is gonna make
you very happy!

You found a new job.

No.

Now listen to this.

Here's an ad about
an airline company

that finds you a house
overseas and you go to live there.

Big deal.

Free.

I like it.

Meanwhile, the people
who own the foreign house

come here and
live in your house.

Just, just a minute,
just a minute.

You mean that somebody I
don't even know lives in my house?

That's right, you swap houses.

But I don't want strangers
living in my house.

That's why I never married.

Oh, Harry.

Now please, Lucille
forget it, forget it.

Uh-oh I have to
take my Pervinil.

Your Pervinil?

You heard me my nerve pill.

Oh, Harry you know
you gotta get away

or you're gonna have
a nervous breakdown.

Ha, ha. It'd be worse
if I swapped houses.

Oh, I'd be a wreck
worrying about foreigners

living in my house,
trampling my dandelion,

starving my canary

and getting stoned
on my elderberry wine.

Harry your health comes first!

Health! Health! Health!

Lucille, would you put a
muzzle on your crocodile.

Alright, if you don't
wanna swap houses,

why don't you go to some
hotel like in Paris or Rome?

How much would a
vacation like that cost?

Oh, maybe two,
three thousand dollars.

Uh, this one's
all finished, Mom.

Yup, then I don't wanna forget
to put these passports in my bag.

No, no.

Come in!

Hello there!

- Hi, Uncle Harry.
- Hi.

Well, I got your
message, Lucille.

What's the big surprise
you have for me?

Well Harry, I
arranged a house swap

and you are getting a
nice long rest overseas.

Lucille, I told you last week I
don't want to leave my house!

I want to stay in America
close to my money!

My house!

Oh, now Uncle Harry, it's
not good for you to be so upset

and besides it's our house
we're swapping not yours.

- Your house?
- That's right.

That shows you how
much we love you.

Oh, well that, that's different.

Yeah, by tomorrow you'll be
thousands of miles away from the big city

completely relaxed
in the heart of Africa.

Well, I certainly
appreciate that, Lucille.

It's very-

The heart of what!

- Africa.
- Africa!

If you had to swap houses why
not somewhere in Paris or Rome!

Well, there was nothing
available in those cities.

Yeah, now perhaps
it's all for the best, Harry.

Paris is no place for a handsome
bachelor like you to go for a rest.

No and Rome would've been worse.

How would you like to get
pinched by all those girls

when you're too
tired to pinch back.

In, in Rome the
girls pinch the men?

Only the handsomest men.

Oh, well I probably
wouldn't sit down for weeks.

Well, I have to finish packing.

Oh, packing? Where
are you going, dear?

Well, that's another
surprise, Uncle Harry.

Ha, we're going along with you.

You are going with
me on a rest cure?

I do better to have a good
healthy nervous breakdown!

Now, Uncle Harry we could just
cannot back out now we have to go.

We already swapped houses with
the Mr. and Mrs. Pomeroy from Nairobi.

Well, send them a telegram
and say you blacked out anything!

We can't, we can't, we can't.

Harry, they call from the
airport and there in this country.

I don't care where they are!

That must be them now.

- Well, I'm not going with you!
- Shssh! Shssh!

- Uncle Harry!
- I will not go!

Shssh!

Hello!

Uh, Mr. and Mrs.
Pomeroy, I presume?

- Right-o!
- Please come in!

Thank you.

Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

I'm Mrs. Carter.

Please put your things down.

Thank you very much.

And um, welcome
to your new home!

Oh, it's so American.

Oh, but lovely anyway.

Completely to my taste!

Oh, thank you.

Mr. and Mrs. Pomeroy, I'd like
you to meet my daughter Kim.

- Hello.
- How do you do?

And my brother in law Harry.

Hello!

Uh, my brother-in-law will be
staying with us in your home also.

Uh well, now I'm not too
sure that I can make the trip.

Actually, you see I have
nowhere to leave my dog.

Uncle Harry, you
don't have a dog.

I'll buy one.

Oh, if you like pets, old chap,
we've got plenty back home.

We've got Fido and Rover

we've even got a parrot and
by jove she's a real squawker.

Polly talks, sings,
does imitations.

I don't care if she
dances topless.

I am not going.

Uh, you see my Uncle Harry is a
little nervous about taking the trip.

He thinks we're taking him
to a wild primitive country.

Oh nonsense, we live
on the suburbs if Nairobi

one of the most modern
cities on the continent

and I've arranged guest privileges
for you at my golf and country club

no charge of course,
everything's free.

Free?

Mr. Pomeroy you have
just said the magic word.

We have a freezer

and fruit and vegetables
growing right outside the door.

All the liquor you can drink
and it won't cost you a cent.

Oh, excuse me, excuse me!

Where are you going, Harry?

I'm going home to
start packing, of course.

Oh!

Oh, he's going!

Oh yeah, that's
wonderful. I'm so happy.

Oh, c'mon Uncle Harry help me!

Give 'em the spurs!

The suburbs of Nairobi
and this is our new house!

I'd be better off in
the San Diego Zoo.

Mother do you need any help?

No, I'll manage!

Okay.

How much farther is it?

We're here!

Oh, thank goodness.

Cone here. Help me
put this down, will you?

Oh, alright. I'm sorry.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh my.

Oh, what a relief!

I think carrying all
that flattened my head!

I don't doubt it.

It's easier to flatten
something that's empty.

Harry, why don't you get
off your donkey and help us.

You must've been
out of your minds

swapping your house
with this, this, well what is it,

a house or a salad?

Oh, Uncle Harry,
this is so exciting!

Where is your
sense of adventure?

It rubbed off on the donkey!

Listen, will you stop griping,
Harry. You're here for a break rest.

Look the supermarket
is right outside your door!

You want a banana,

you just reach out and
get one and that's all that...

He didn't even say please!

That was a gorilla.

I'm getting out of here!

Oh, Uncle Harry.

[Parrot talking]
Hello! Poison arrow.

Duck!

What was that?

[Parrot talking]
Hi cutie! Aarch!

Harry it's just the Pomeroy's
parrot, look how cute it is in here.

Aahhh!

Ah, Lucille! Lucille!

There, let a little
air in, that's better.

Oh gosh! Just imagine,

the Carter family living in
the middle of an African jungle.

[Parrot talking] There goes
the neighborhood, Aark!

Polly want a cr*cker!
Polly want a cr*cker!

[Parrot talking] Polly
wants a boyfriend, Arrk!

Well, it must get very
lonely out here in the jungle.

[Parrot talking] Right on.

Oh!

She's too much!

Listen the Pomeroys said
they had two other pets uh,

- Fido and Rover.
- Fido and Rover that's right.

- Uh, Fido!
- Here Fido! Here Rover!

Where are you? C'mon doggy!

Here Fido!

Here Rover!

Here Fido!

Oh, Mother!

Mother look!

Ahhhhhh!

Run for your lives!

The gorillas are loose!

Don't touch them!

Oh, don't touch them
they're monsters!

Oh Harry, don't be
silly they're babies.

Well, King Kong started
out as a baby too, you know.

Yeah, but Uncle Harry
look they're so cute

they have their little
names on their clothes.

- Yeah this, This one's Rover.
- This is Fido look.

Hello, baby!

Hello!

Oh, they're so cute Uncle
Harry look come and touch them.

Oh, you and your cute,
everything's cute to you.

Jack the Ripper was cute,

Ivan the Terrible was
cute, Bluebeard was cute.

Aaghhh!

Uncle Harry,
that's just a trophy.

You know something, he must've
been going at a terrific speed

to crash through
the wall like that.

Oh, that's funny!

I must've been out of my mind

to let you talk me into leaving
beautiful Los Angeles for this.

- Oh Harry, sit down!
- Oh!

Go see your Uncle Harry.

Yeah, play with Uncle Harry!

Oh no, I'm not their Uncle.

Oh, there you are.

Hey Mom, did you
see this ham radio?

I could call all my
friends in California.

Yeah well, if you do be
sure you reverse the charges.

Oh, I will.

Hey, it works!

Hi.

Agahh!

Agahh!

Agahh!

Lucille!

The doctor ordered
me to take a rest,

and I'm telling
you here and now,

if I die before we
get back home,

you will never
work for me again!

What am I saying!

Ark! The natives are restless,
the natives are restless!

Hey! You know something,
we're gonna be kind of restless too.

There's no bathroom
here. That's the kitchen.

No bathroom!

Oh, yes there is.

I saw it when we
came up the walk.

It's the little house
behind the big house.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

But it's such a long walk.

Oh, Harry! Will you stop
complaining for heaven's sake.

You know, you should
be very happy here.

You're gonna get a great rest;

look at the beautiful scenery
everything is quiet, peaceful, serene.

Uncle Harry?

Uncle Harry?

Oh boy, he really needs a rest!

Harry? Get up, Harry.

You feel more rested
now, Uncle Harry?

No.

Well, you'll be feeling better
soon, anyway it stopped raining.

After three days, it should.

Oh, you realized I haven't
slept a wink in three nights.

When these two little
monsters stop chattering,

the elephants start trumpeting.

When they quit a
hyena start screaming.

I think they're doing it on
purpose just to keep me awake.

Look, look Kim dear,

I appreciate you're trying
to cool me off with that thing,

but you're driving the
flies into my mouth!

Ark! Picky, picky, picky.

Alright here we are!

Oh, lunch to dinner!

C'mon, Fido! Rover, c'mon.

Lunchidodee it's dinner time!

Here you go!

Watch your feet in there.

- Yep you gotta put that inside.
- Now sit down.

And hold them down
there like a regular person.

Put your legs down.

Hey! Did you notice
it stopped raining?

Yeah, yeah but I
never minded it,

actually I like
walking in the rain.

That accounts for your
shrunken little brain.

Harry, you ought to come
to Africa you'll get a nice...

Harry!

I've had enough
of your grumbling.

Now you listen to me!

Shut up stupid. Ark!

Who asked your opinion?

Say how come she calls me
stupid, did you teach her that?

No, she figured it
out all by herself!

C'mon now, let's have
some dinner everybody.

Alright, but first the babies!

Oh, first the babies,
first the babies, fine.

The babies have to
have their dinner first.

- One at a time.
- Sit down now quietly.

- Oh, now my goodness!
- Sit down c'mon.

Look it, look it, look it.

Mind your manners, mind
your manners, alright, alright.

Would you please
teach them manners!

Sit down quietly.
Get in your chair.

Sit down.

Alright here we are.

Oh, Oh! What is that mess?

Jungle stew.

Gazelle, gizzards
and hippo ham hocks.

Yeah, I'm with you, Polly.

All I wanted was
two boiled eggs.

We'll, all I could find was one
egg and it's an Ostrich egg, Harry.

She couldn't lay two?

When you lay an egg this
size you gotta rest for a month.

Now sit down, Harry.

- Hurry up.
- Oh, these flies.

- Alright don't worry about the flies.
- Get it away!

- Shoo them all away!
- I'll get the flies out of here.

Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo! Shoo!

Shoo! Shoo!

Lucille! You are
bringing the flies in.

Shut the door!

Oh there's a-

Oh, that sounds like a big one!

Yeah, it is a big one!

Get him out! Get him out!

Shoo! Shoo!

Uh-oh, the buzzing has stopped;
he must've landed somewhere.

Hold it, Harry!

Hold it! Don't move!

Don't move, Harry!

Hold it!

Just what are you
planning to do?

Oh!

Now, I wasn't gonna
throw this spear at you.

Do you think I'm stupid?

Yes, I do.

Alright now, don't
move, Harry. Don't move!

Hold still!

Hold still!

I got it! I got it!

I think you got Uncle Harry too!

Lucille, what, oh!

You know that
little devil bit me.

Oh, don't be silly,
Harry flies don't bite!

Well, tell him! He bit me!

- Mom, you know what!
- What?

This doesn't look like
an ordinary housefly.

- You know what this is!
- What?

A Tsetse!

A Tsetse?

What's a Tsetse?

It's forget it!

Any school child knows that a
Tsetse fly is an African insect

who's bite brings
on sleeping sickness.

Oh no! Harry,
you've been tsetsied.

Sleeping sickness?

Well, Harry now you
did come here for a rest.

Oh! Oh!

I'm in, I'm in, I'm in-
Oh, I'm feeling faint!

Lie down! Lie down and rest!

Lie down, Uncle Harry
don't worry about it!

Do something!

Everything's gonna
be fine, Uncle Harry.

Oh, mother!

Oh! You better call the doctor.

Right. Where's the phone?

Well, we don't have a phone.

You better try and get
him on the ham radio.

- How do you work this thing?
- I don't know.

Uncle Harry, everything's
going to be alright.

It's gonna be fine.

Don't you worry about a
thing now, Uncle Harry.

Calling all Hams!
Calling all Hams!

Over and under, upper
and over do you roger me?

Calling all doctors!

Is there a doctor in the house?

I read you loud and
clear. Please continue.

This is Nairobi
General Hospital.

Oh General, we need help.

My brother-in-law just
got bitten by a Tsetse fly!

Where was he bitten?

Right in the
middle of the jungle!

I say!

That sounds like
a very painful area.

Uncle Harry just wants to go
to sleep what should we do?

Yeah, what should we do?

Oh well, there's
only one thing to do,

keep the chap
awake by all means,

don't let him go beddy-bye.

Don't let him go beddy-bye.

Wake up Uncle Harry!
Don't go to sleep!

Wake up!

We'll send a doctor
out as soon as we can.

Yeah, when will that be?

Three or four days.

Three or four days?

I'm sorry Madam but the
rains have flooded the roads

but I'll be standing by
in case you need me.

Okay, okay!

- Oh, Mother!
- You gotta keep him awake!

Help me wake him up!

- Let's walk him.
- Alright c'mon, Uncle Harry!

You gotta get up and walk!

- Gotta keep walking, Uncle Harry!
- C'mon, Uncle Harry!

Wake up, Uncle Harry! Wake up!

C'mon, Uncle Harry walk!

Walk, Uncle Harry!

Keep walking, Uncle Harry!

Walk, Uncle Harry!

Walk! C'mon.

Wake up, Uncle Harry! Wake up!

Wake up, Uncle Harry! C'mon!

Oh, we're losing
him! We're losing him!

Wait a minute
Mother, I got an idea!

- This can't miss!
- What?

Music!

We'll make him dance!

Dance?

Dance, Uncle Harry!

- Slap his face!
- What?

Slap his face! That's
what they do at the movies!

Oh!

Oh Mother, you have to
hit him harder than that!

Harder?

C'mon! He's
falling asleep again!

Oh, the stars at night
are big and bright!

Deep in the heart of Texas.

Oh, Mother!

Oh Mother, he looks terrible!

Well, you gotta remember he
didn't look too good to start with.

Oh Mother, you better get
the doctor back on the phone.

Right.

Doctor. Are you still there?

Madam, after what I've heard
wild horses couldn't drag me away!

Well, he, he keeps falling
asleep and he looks very pale.

What shall we do?

Well, old girl, at this point
I'd say the best thing would be

mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Okay.

What's the next best thing?

Oh Mother, I'm
worried! I'm frightened!

He looks terrible!

Harry, Harry wake up!

Wake up, Harry! Please wake up!

C'mon, Uncle Harry please!

Oh, Mrs. Carter.

Mr. and Mrs. Pomeroy!

Mrs. Carter I'm terribly sorry
but the house swap is off.

We want to come back here.

Los Angeles has made
nervous wrecks out of us.

Los Angeles made you nervous?

Smog, floods, earthquakes!

Oh and those freeways are
terrifying at least you are safe here.

Safe?

My uncle's had just
been bitten by a Tsetse fly!

Yeah, poor Harry
has sleeping sickness,

he's gonna have to wear
pajamas the rest of his life.

That's no Tsetse fly, that's
plain ordinary house fly.

- What!
- A plain fly?

Yes, harmless little devil.

- Oh, thank goodness!
- Oh!

Harry!

Harry, wake up, Harry!

Harry! Harry, wake up!

Uncle Harry, wake up!

Oh, good to see
you again, old champ!

Good to see you!

Oh! Oh!

- Mrs. Pomeroy.
- Yes.

Have I slept through
the whole vacation?

No, no, no Harry but
everything is alright,

you were not
bitten by a Tsetse fly

it was a common house fly.

Oh, oh thank goodness!

- Yeah, say listen, Harry.
- What?

If you weren't bitten
by a Tsetse fly,

why did you keep falling asleep?

Were you putting us on?

No, I was not.

It could've been because I haven't
closed my eyes for three nights!

This whole trip
has been a fiasco!

A fiasco, sir.

Oh, yes indeed!

With those wild animals
screaming all night in the jungle!

Sharing my bed with two chimps

who for some reason
think I am their mother!

I've had it! I'm going home!

Oh, Harry!

Wait for me, Uncle Harry!

Kim! Harry!

We haven't packed yet!

Oh, why don't you go
with them, Mrs. Carter

I can have your
things forwarded.

Oh, thank you!

Oh, oh, alright!

Goodbye, Polly!

Goodbye, stupid! Ark!

Goodbye, Fido.

Goodbye, Rover. Give me a kiss.

- Good bye, Mr. Pomeroy.
- Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Doctor!

Oh, goodbye.