05x11 - Lucy and Donny Osmond

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring: Lucille Ball.

Co-starring: Lucie Arnaz.

And now, the Osmond
Brothers present

their younger brother,
Donny Osmond.

[Singing] They try to
tell us we're too young

Too young to really be in love

They say that love's a word

A word we've only heard

But can't begin to
know the meaning of

And yet we're not
too young to know

This love will last
though years may go

And then some
day they may recall

We were not too young at all

And yet we're not
too young to know

This love will last
though years may go

And then some
day they may recall

We were not too young at all

We were not too young

All right, did you
enjoy the show, honey?

Oh, did I?

It was super fabulously super.

Thank you, aunt Lucy.

Well, you can thank Kim.

It was her friend,
Mr. Walters, who invited us.

- Well, here come our host now.
- Oh.

Good evening. Good evening.

Mother, this is Mr. Walters.

How do you do? I'm
so glad to know you.

Did you like the show?

- Oh...
- Fantastic.

Or as the in group
say fabulously super.

And Mr. Walters, I want to thank
you for letting Kim and her group

use this room Sunday
afternoon for her little get-together.

I think that was
very nice of you.

- Well, now frankly,
my motives were a bit selfish.
- Really.

My wife and I have a
house down in the beach.

So, when we heard
that Kim and her group

were planning a program
to help keep the beach clean,

I was more than happy
to contribute to the cause.

You should be mighty
proud of this young lady.

Oh, I am.

And when she's all through
cleaning up the beach,

I hope she comes home and
starts cleaning up her room.

I can't seem to get my group
interested in that project.

Oh, I know, dear. I
know, I know, I know.

Well, I thought
you might like this.

Oh, I would.

It's a Donny Osmond album.

Oh, I love it. Oh, I love it.

I used to feel the same
way about Elvis Presley.

Yeah, with me, it
was Rudy Vallee.

Oh please, now Lucy.

Please, can we wait and
have Donny autograph it?

Oh, honey. No, I'm sorry.

When your mother agreed to let
you stay with us for the weekend,

I promise that I would
get you to bed on time.

It's very late, dear.

Oh, but Lucy, if he
doesn't autograph it,

the kids won't believe I
was even here tonight.

Well, listen, why don't
you take Patricia on home

and I'll stay and
get it autographed.

- Oh, you will?
- Sure.

Oh, thank you.

How do I find Donny?

Oh, Donny and the boys,

usually, take about a
half an hour to change

and then they come out
here and have a bite to eat.

OK. Then, I'll just wait.

Well, how are you
going to get home.

- Oh yeah.
- I'm leaving soon.

I can drop her off.

- Oh, thank you.
- Good.

Well, now, thank Mr. Walters,
Patricia and we'll say goodnight.

Thank you very much
Mr. Walters for a lovely evening.

It was my pleasure.

Your daughter and your niece

are certainly a credit to
your influence, Mrs. Carter.

Thank you.

In my opinion,

they are never too young
to be taught to social graces.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

And thanks very much.

Oh, I almost forgot
my doggie bag.

Oh, and you don't mind

if I take some of these
souvenir matches, do you?

Oh, and I can always use sugar
cubes on my desk at the office.

You won't miss a few of those.

Oh and I'm just dying to
show my girlfriend, Mary Jane,

what a beautiful menu you have.

May I take this? Wonderful.

And listen, this ashtray that
has the name of the hotel on it,

are these souvenirs?

For you, yes.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, might as well take this.

They're just going to
be thrown out, anyway.

Well, thank you very much.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Goodnight.

Here, darling. I'd like
to take a few of these.

Goodnight again.

Oh, I'll have this one
this one here, too.

- Goodnight, mother.
- Goodnight, sweetheart.

Here, they left this, too, dear.

And this one... oh my goodness.

It's been a wonderful evening.

- You will never forget this evening,
will you, darling?
- No.

He's so sweet that
little boy, isn't he.

Hi, Henry.

Good evening, Mr. Osmond.

Now, how many will it be?

Well, my brothers
went out for some pizza.

So, I'll be the only
one eating here tonight.

Which proves you have
the most discriminating taste.

Tonight, the chef has
asked me to tell you

that he has especially
prepared escargot

with sauce Provencal
a la napoleon.

- What?
- Snails.

Snails?

No. I'll just have the usual.

- The usual?
- Yeah.

Mr. Osmond, if you're
going to have the usual,

do you mind if I have the chef
come in and take your order?

Why?

He's very mad at me when I order

a glass of milk with a
peanut butter sandwich.

All right. Send the chef out.

Thank you very much.

- Donny.
- Yeah.

I'd like for you to
meet, Ms. Carter.

Hi.

Oh, how do you do?

Oh, please. Don't get up.

I just want to trouble
you for an autograph.

No trouble. It's a pleasure.

Thank you.

Will you excuse me?

It will take me a few
minutes to lock up the office.

- Now, I'll be right back.
- OK.

How would you
like this autograph?

Oh. To Patricia Carter.

Patricia?

That's one of my favorite names.

Really?

Oh, won't you join me?

I'm just having a bite to eat.

Well, thank you. I'll sit down,
but I'm really not hungry.

Thank you.

Well, that's great.

I hope you enjoyed the show.

Oh, I did. I loved it,

especially your last
number, Too Young.

I thought that was very good.

Well, thank you.

You know, I think the reason
that Too Young is so popular

is because it's something
that everybody can identify with.

I mean I know in my own life,

how it bugs me when
people would belittle someone

for getting a crush on somebody
just because they're young.

Welcome to the club.

You sure make a
lot of sense for a girl.

Well, thank you.

Bonsoir, good
evening, Mr. Osmond.

Good evening, chef.

The waiter says you wish me
to take your order personally?

Yes, sir.

Enchante, monsieur.
I am delighted.

May I recommend the escargot?

Hmm-hmm.

Snails. My favorite dish.

Pardon me, monsieur.
Did you wish to order?

No, thank you. I'm not hungry.

Oh please. Have something.

I hate to eat alone.

Well, uh... all right.

I'll just have a glass of milk
and a peanut butter sandwich.

Oui mademoiselle.

Monsieur, would you
prefer [Speaking French]

Huh?

What would you like
with your escargot?

Oh... um, I'll have a glass of
milk and a peanut butter sandwich.

You know, Donny,
when I came in tonight,

I saw all those little
girls packing the lobby

just to get your autograph.

That must be very flattering.

Oh, it is.

But, I usually feel
kind of embarrassed,

you know, when they
make a pass on me.

Oh, I can understand that.

Anyway, I read a
magazine article

that said you were more
interested in sports than girls.

Oh, that was written
when I was just a kid.

Oh, but I still like sports

especially ice skating
and horseback riding.

Gee, that's an odd combination.

Well, I guess it's because
ice skates in cowboy boots

make me feel taller.

Well, I don't see why you should
be so conscious about your size.

You don't look
small for your age.

How old are you?



How tall are you?



How's that?

Well, all the men in our
family are over 6 feet 2.

So, actually, that would make me
about 4 or 5 inches taller than you.

I never thought of it that way.

Are you in show business?

Oh, no, no. Not professionally.

Oh, but I am with a little group

that's putting on a show
here Sunday afternoon.

- You are?
- Uh-huh.

Well, what kind of a show?

Just musical entertainment.

You see, I belong to
an anti-pollution group

and we're trying to
raise enough money

to clean up our
stretch of the beach.

- Now, that's a real
worthwhile project.
- Yeah.

What are you going to
be doing in the show?

Well, I'm supposed to
sing a number by myself,

but I'm not really sure
I'll have enough nerve

to get up on that
big stage all alone.

Would you feel better if I
were up there with you?

You?

Oh, you're putting me on.

No, I'm not doing
anything Sunday.

Well... well, that
would be wonderful.

Are you ready?

Oh, um, Donny, I don't want
to keep Mr. Walters waiting

and I'm really too
excited now to eat anyway,

so would you mind
canceling my order?

OK. I hate to see you go.

Oh, but I'll see you
Sunday. Don't forget.

Oh, I'm not about to forget.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- Goodnight, Donny.
- Goodnight.

And thank you for
being in our show.

Mom.

What?

How does this look?

Oh, that looks great.

Good. We're having posters
like this put up all over town.

Gee, isn't it wonderful of Donny
to help you out with your show.

- He seems like such a nice boy.
- Yeah.

- Patricia seems to think so, too.
- Yeah.

- I heard her playing
his album all morning.
- Yeah.

By the way, where is she?

She went out to
buy another album.

- She wore that one out.
- Oh.

Oh, and that's not all.

She wrote him a very personal
note and she asks me to mail it.

Oh that's cute.

What does the note say?

How would I know?

Even a child deserves privacy.

Boy, you sure changed
since I was a kid.

Well, if you are not
going to open it, I will.

Oh, Kim.

How could you do that?

Like this. Watch.

"Dear Donny.

I'm playing your record
while I'm writing this note.

I enjoyed seeing
you so much last night

and I am looking forward
to seeing you again.

In spite of the difference in our
ages, I am more than just a fan."

Well, I can't make
out this last word.

Affectionately.

Well, what else would
a kid her age say?

Uh-huh.

When I was her age, I couldn't
even spell affectionately.

You're telling me.

Listen, I'll see you later.

Where are you going?

I have to run down to the hotel
and put this out in the lobby.

Oh listen. If you're
going to the hotel,

will you have the room
clerk put Patricia's note

in Donny Osmond's mailbox?

- Save me a stamp.
- OK.

OK.

- Bye-bye.
- Bye darling.

Listen, you know something?

I'm kind of concerned
about Patricia.

She's awfully young to
start getting boy crazy.

Oh, mom. That's just a
stage they go through.

I can remember when I was a 11,
what a crush I got on Frank Sinatra.

- Really?
- Hmm-hmm.

When did you
finally get over it?

Soon I hope.

Come in.

Mrs. Carter?

Yes.

- Hi, I'm Donny Osmond.
- Oh I know.

Come in, Donny.

Well, now, this is
really a surprise.

I don't usually
make house calls,

but Patricia sent
me such a nice note

that I think of her as
being more than just a fan.

So, I brought her some flowers.

Oh, well, she's not here right
now, but she will be so thrilled.

Please sit down, Donny.

Thank you.

You know, I must say
Patricia is not the only fan

you have in this family.

I just love your act.

Thank you.

You know, rock music
usually gives me a headache,

but the way you did it, it
was worth the headache.

Yeah, I guess I should
put in some more ballads

for the older generation.

I don't think you should
change your act for them.

If they don't dig us, let
them go some other place.

Say...

Did Patricia really have
a good time last night?

She was ecstatic.

You know, after she got home,

she was so excited that
I couldn't get her to bed.

She fell asleep right
here in my arms.

You must be a very close family.

She's very affectionate.

- Oh, she is?
- Uh-hmm.

Oh, Mrs. Carter,
I'd appreciate it

if you make sure that
she reads this note.

Oh, I will. I will.

I'm very good about
seeing things get read.

Hey, Donny.

Would you care for a piece
of cake and some ice cream?

Thanks, but I
just had breakfast.

Well, a big boy like you
must have some room left

for cake and ice cream.

That's what I had for breakfast.

Oh.

I really have to be going
anyway, Mrs. Carter.

Well, thank you
for coming, Donny.

And tell Patricia I'm
sorry I missed her.

Oh, I certainly will.

And make sure that
she reads the note.

You bet I will.

OK. Thank you.

You're welcome, Donny. Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

I hope to see you again soon.

- OK. We'll see.
- Bye-bye.

Goodbye.

Mom, I'm back.

Oh, Kim. He was here.

- You just missed him.
- Who?

Donny Osmond.

Oh, no.

I hope he didn't come to tell me

he wasn't going to be
in the show Sunday.

- I just had all the tickets printed.
- No, no, no.

He was so pleased with the
note he got from little Patricia

that he brought
her some flowers.

Oh, that's wonderful!

And he said for her to
be sure and read his note.

- Oh, what does the note say?
- I don't know.

Are we going to play that again?

I really don't know.
I haven't had time.

Honestly...

"Dear Patricia.

Please have dinner with me at
the hotel before the show tonight.

I reserved our same
table for 7 o'clock

and I'm sure the chef will prepare
us something more glamorous

than a peanut butter sandwich."

Mother!

What?

Those flowers aren't for
Patricia. They're for me.

You? Why do you
think they're for you?

Well, when I had Donny
autograph that album to Patricia,

he must have
thought I was Patricia.

Oh, and my name, as I
remember, never did come up again.

Oh no.

And that's why he offered
to do the show on Sunday.

He has a crush on me.

Oh good heavens!

Then he thought Patricia's
note was from you.

Yes.

Oh that's a shame.

Now, what will you do?

Well, I have to
tell him the truth.

Oh and when I do, he's not going
to want to do that show Sunday.

Oh, but you must tell him.

Well, I know I have to tell him.
I just have to find the best way.

The best way would be to wait
until after the show on Sunday.

Now, don't look at me as if I just
made the centerfold in Playboy.

Don't worry, mom, I'll tell him.

I'll just... go down there and have
dinner with him and I'll tell him.

Oh gee. I'm sorry, Kim

I know how you must feel.

I feel like the femme
fatale of Sesame Street.

That's how I feel.

- Henry?
- Hmm?

Are you sure that Ms. Carter
didn't get here before I got here

and then left?

Impossible.

You got here before
the dining room opened.

- Oh, here you are.
- Hi.

I'm sorry. I'm late, but
I had to stop for gas.

Oh, forget it. Women
are supposed to be late.

Well, my, my, such elegance.

You certainly made
this a special occasion.

Oh, it is.

You're the first girl I dated
that has a driver's license.

Oh, I see.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Will the lady care
to order a c*ck?

- No, thank you.
- Thank you.

Me neither.

Oh boy, you sure
look pretty tonight.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, did you see the poster
Mr. Walters put in the lobby

about me being in
your show Sunday?

Yeah.

What time did you want
me to be at rehearsals?

Oh, well, Donny,

I don't really think there's
much point in discussing that.

You see, there's something
I have to straighten out.

What's that?

Um... Well, you know, those
flowers that you brought over?

Yeah.

Well, uh... there's been a little
misunderstanding and, well,

that... that album that
I had you autograph,

well, what I'm trying to say is

that was for my little cousin.

She's Patricia.

Then this note that I got today?

Oh, well, I... I can see how the
note would confuse things, Donny,

- especially the part where it said...
- I know what it says.

Every word of it.

Well, I didn't
realize the situation

until after I read your
note inviting me to dinner.

Boy, I'm surprised you
even bothered to show up.

Well, I had to tell you.

You could have done
that over the phone.

Unless you just
felt like babysitting.

Donny.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have said that.

Well, look, maybe, it
might be better if I just leave.

Wait!

You can't leave yet.

You haven't
answered my question.

What question?

I asked you what time you
wanted me to be at rehearsals?

Oh, Donny, now, you
are not at all obligated

to be in that show Sunday.

Now, let's face it, there
was a misunderstanding

and you agreed to be in the show

because you thought
you had a crush on me.

You still haven't
answered my question.

You mean even though...

Look, maybe, in a
lot of people's eyes,

I'm still just a little kid,

but I try to be a man when it
comes to keeping promises.

Donny, you are the tallest
man I've ever been out with.

A glass of milk and a
peanut butter sandwich?

Why not.

Now, for our closing
number, our own Kim Carter,

and joining her as
our special guest,

Donny Osmond.

[Singing] What do you
get when you fall in love

A girl with a pin to
burst your bubble

That's what you get
for all your troubles

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

What do you get
when you kiss a boy

You get enough germs
to catch pneumonia

After you do, he'll
never phone you

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

Don't tell me
what it's all about

'Cause I've been there
and I'm glad I'm out

Out of those chains,
those chains that bind you

That is why I'm
here to remind you

What do you get
when you fall in love?

You only get lies
and pain and sorrow

So for at least until tomorrow

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again

Falling in love again

I'll never fall in love again