05x12 - Lucy and Her Prince Charming

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz.

Good morning, Mr. Carter.

Your highness, good
morning Prince Phillip.

Now, now Mr. Carter, none of
that please, not even in private.

Remember, I'm in
your country incognito.

Oh, forgive me, it was a slip.

But no more slips.

You must always address
me as just plain Phillip.

Of course, now what can I
do for you just plain Phillip?

Phillip, name it, I'm
at your command.

Well first Mr. Carter,

I wish to commend you for the way
you have kept my identity a secret

during my stay in your country.

Ah, my lips was sealed
with the royal seal of course.

And I wish to compliment you
for the excellent staff you provided.

It's a pleasure
to serve you, sire.

And I want to discuss your
having your having introduced me

to your sister-in-law Lucille.

That I couldn't help.

I was trapped.

What a joy she is.

Like a rat in a
hole, cornered I...

joy, she is?

Oh, she is.

She's a joy, joy, joy, joy, joy.

And most, most
charming companion

because of her dining,
dancing, the theater,

the opera... all
seem more enjoyable

and she's not only
charming and beautiful

but she is also very
witty and very intelligent.

Intelligent?

Amazing.

I beg your pardon?

I mean, it's amazing because

she only knows you
as plain Phil Gregory.

Yes.

I hope I'm around if she discovers
that she has been going out with

none other than his royal highness
Prince Phillip Gregory Hennepin,

ruler of the principality
of Montalbania.

Mr. Carter, that
day has arrived.

Sire?

I came to America
to find a bride.

To find a bride?

Yes, and I would like your
sister-in-law Lucille to be my princess.

- To be your...
- Yes.

Yes Mr. Carter, I believe that
I am truly in love with Lucille

and I would like you to make
the wedding arrangements.

Wedding arrangements, me, me?

Yeah, well you see Mr. Carter,
according to the customs of my country,

royalty does not propose.

Oh no.

Theoretically, this spares us the
embarrassment of a possible rejection,

- you understand, sir.
- Oh, yeah.

So I would like you to
tell the lady that I love her

and want to marry her.

Marry... her... you...

Princess Lucille?

Well, that would make
me a prince-in-law.

And if you are successful
in arranging the wedding,

I will present you
with a suitable present.

Oh please, that
won't be necessary.

Well, in my country,
that is the custom.

Well, a custom is a custom.

If the marriage takes place,
you will receive 50,000 Grivnies.



That is correct.

Oh, that's wonderful.
You're very generous.

Oh, no, no.

What's a Grivny?

That's my country's currency.

Oh, money, ah.

At the present rate of exchange,
give or take a few dollars,



a quarter of a million dollars.

Ooh, ooh, oh, ooh, a
quarter of a million dollars, oh.

Well Mr. Carter,
what do you say?

Do you think you can
get Lucille to marry me?

If she doesn't, I'll break her
ne... it will break my heart.

It will break her heart.

Can I get her to marry you?

Let me put it this way, may
I have your arm please...

Ta, dum, de-dum.
La, dum, de-dum.

Dum, da, de-dum,
dum, dum, de-dum...

Hey mom...

Yeah, dear?

You know, that Phil Gregory
guy you've been going out with,

he is really handsome.
I think he's a doll.

Yeah, he is nice.

Nice?

And how about the places he
takes you too, he must be loaded.

What does he do for a living?

Gee, I never asked him.

I don't think he does anything.

Probably lives off his father.

Well, I have a sneaky
suspicion that something exciting

might happen between
you and Mr. Gregory.

Oh Kim now, it's nothing
serious but he is very nice.

Yeah, and such manners.

Yeah, he does have
nice manners doesn't he?

I love the way he's
always kissing your hand.

I'm getting the shiniest
knuckles in town.

- Hey mom...
- Yes.

- Do you think maybe...
- Now look,

question period is over,
let's get back to work.

I know that old trick.

Who's that?

I don't know, I'll see.

Good morning, Kim dear.

Hello, Uncle Harry.

For you my, dear.

For me, Harry?

Well Harry, today is
Saturday, tomorrow is Sunday

and I'm not working
for you on either day.

Oh, you have a delightful
sense of humor you little pixie you.

OK Harry, cut out
the fake charm.

It won't work because I won't
work and Kim, you get back to work.

OK Harry, what do you want?

- Lucille, I'm going
to ask you something.
- What?

Have you enjoyed going
out with Phil Gregory?

Very much so, why?

Oh, do you happen to know
what he does or who he is?

Not really, no.

Oh good, then I'll
give you a little hint.

This is what Phil Gregory is.

He's a margarine salesman?

Phil Gregory happens to be

his royal highness Prince
Phillip Gregory Hennepin,

ruler of the principality
of Montalbania.

Prince Phillip?

Oh, I don't believe it.

I had been going out
with a real live prince?

Yes.

But with all the beautiful,
glamorous women in America,

why, why has he been
going out with me?

Oh boy, is that a good question.

Well, that sets the stage
for flash number two.

The announcement of the century,

incredible as it may be, he...

Kim dear, go and stand
behind your mother,

catch her when she faints.

Oh come on Harry,
I'm not the fainting type.

Now what's the big flash?

The prince is in love with you.

He wants to marry you.

He wants to make
you his princess

and share in his
fortune of $200 million.

Oh, hubaba...

Imagine, my mother the princess.

Oh my, you and your husband
will rule a actual kingdom.

Yes, heaven help Montalbania.

Now wait, wait, hold it Harry,
if Phillip wants to marry me,

why didn't ask me himself?

It's his country's custom,

a third party always proposes

in case of royal embarrassment
should there be a refusal.

Oh.

Now, I've got to rush over and
tell the prince that he has a bride.

- Harry.
- Goodbye, Lucille.

- Harry.
- Goodbye, Kim.

Harry, you can't tell
the prince I'll marry him

because I don't
think I love him.

That's nice, I'll see you later.

What?

I said, I'm not sure I'm
in love with the prince.

What's love got to do with
it, I'm talking about marriage.

Well Harry, this
is all so sudden,

maybe I'm not cut
out to be a princess.

You aren't cut out to be a
secretary but you're a secretary.

Oh, never mind.

I'm sorry Harry, you just have to
give me more time to think it over.

Time? There isn't time for time.

You can't do this to me
Lucille, he is a prince.

- He is worth $200 million.
- So what?

And that's a lot of Grivnies.
You cannot turn him down.

You cannot. You've
got to marry him.

- You can't turn him down.
- Yes I can.

You can't. You can't.
You can't. You can't...

Lucille, how can
you do this to me?

How can you keep me from
those 50,000 beautiful Grivnies?

Oh, I want to k*ll myself.

Mr. Carter?

Yeah... oh...

Are you all right?

Well, I just have
a little headache.

And that helps your headache?

It doesn't need any help.

No, I'm just trying
to knock it loose.

- Well, Mr. Carter.
- Hmm-hmm.

Have you told Lucille, the
lovely Lucille of my intentions?

Ah lovely Lucille... oh, ah
yes, yes, she's overwhelmed.

And did she accept me?

Well, unbelievable
as it may sound,

she wants a little
time to think it over.

Oh, well, now that's
perfectly understandable.

Well, not to me, sire.

How could a mere commoner
hesitate to marry a Grivny, a prince.

May I make a suggestion?

Oh, by all means.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

You know, Lucille
is the romantic type,

you just continue to pay attention
to her the way you have been

and I'll do my best
to help your cause.

Thank you.

Mr. Carter, I want your
honest opinion please,

do you think that you will eventually
be able to get Lucille's consent

to become my princess?

Absolutely.

I only regret that I have
but one sister-in-law

to give to your country.

You know, Harry really is pressing
for me to marry Prince Phillip,

sending all these flowers,
having the dinner catered,

I wish he'd stop pushing.

Yeah.

Why do you suppose Uncle
Harry got so sentimental

and generous all of a sudden?

I don't know.

You'd think there was
something in it for him.

Well, maybe he figures,
if I get to be princess,

he could be secretary
of graft and corruption.

But you know mom,

it would be kind of nice for
you to marry a wealthy prince.

I mean, after all, you're not going
to get many other offers at your age.

At my age?

Just how old do you think I am?

- Well...
- That's close enough.

- All right.
- All right.

You just remember that while
you're dining with the prince

on champagne and caviar,

your poor peasant daughter
will be splitting a veggie burger

at Grubby Bob's
Health Food Center.

- So go already.
- All right.

[Singing] Someday,
my prince will come.

Someday...

Come in.

Good evening, Lucille.

Your highness.

Oh now please, don't do that.

To you, I am not your highness.

Your Phillipness?

Oh, I just can't get
over your being a prince.

Well, there's nothing
I can do about it,

it runs in the family.

Oh, you look positively
ravishing tonight, my dear.

Thank you Phillip, thank you.

Well, Lucille...

Yes, Phillip?

Mr. Carter told you about the question
upper most in my thoughts didn't he,

the question which I am
not allowed to mention?

Yes and I won't mention
what you won't mention

as long as you don't mention it.

Gee, this is the first
time I ever discussed

unmentionables with a man.

I am allowed to mention
however that you are very sweet

- and beautiful - Thank you.

And very understanding about
that which I cannot mention

and I want to thank you for it.

Don't mention it.

- Phillip...
- Yes?

I don't think it's
fair to lead you on.

What I mean is, we have
a custom in this country

that a girl shouldn't marry a
man unless she's in love with him

and well, I'm just not
sure how I feel about you.

Oh, but that's all right.

Take your time.

I am willing to wai...

Oh, perhaps there is another
reason, all these flowers,

do I have a rival?

A rival? No.

A campaign manager.

You know, they're
all from Harry.

I wonder why he is so
anxious to see me married.

He probably has his reasons.

Well, it's very embarrassing
and I hope you'll overlook it.

Of course.

Hello gypsy.

Hello.

Is it true that a gypsy
can make his violin cry?

True, true.

Well, this should
make it hysterical.

Is everything satisfactory?

Excellent, thank you.

Perhaps Madame would
like to have her fortune told.

Oh, would you
like that, Lucille?

Oh yeah, that will be fun.

Ah, good. Good.

Madame...

Salam, salam,

is the pretty lady would
like me to read her palm?

Yes, Madame.

Oh.

Ooh... oh no, no, no, no.

What's the matter?

Oh, I foresee evil events,

the course of Ali
Baba will fall upon you.

The course of Ali Baba?

Oh yes, wild camels will
trample your crab grass,

crocodiles will consume
your credit card,

oh yes and locusts will
invade your pantyhose.

- Unless...
- Unless what?

Unless you follow
your star of destiny

and marry a wealthy,
handsome man of royal lineage

as ordained by the seven
green pharaohs of the Nile.

- Oh, very interesting.
- Yes.

Very interesting.

And now Madame,
let me read your palm.

- Oh, my palm.
- Yes.

Yes, Madame.

You are going on a
long, long ocean voyage.

I am going over water.

No, you're going underwater.

Oh, Mr. Carter...

Beautiful moon isn't it?

Yes, beautiful and it's the
very same moon that shines

over the principality
of Montalbania.

The principality of Montalbania.

That's a big name
a little country.

We have to have very
wide postage stamps.

- Lucille...
- Yes, Phillip.

You know that I am
constantly thinking

about the question I have on
my mind but cannot mention.

Phillip, I too keep
thinking about

the question you want to
ask me but can't mention

but I just haven't
made up my mind yet.

I don't know what to say.

I wish I knew what to say but
I just can't decide what to say.

Say yes, say yes.

Phillip, it was a
lovely garden party.

I'm so happy you
enjoyed it, Lucille.

Your highness, Lucille...

Harry, what are you doing here?

Oh, Kim let me in.

And I will let you out.

Why?

I want you to stop interfering.

Lucille, it's for
your happiness.

Well, your leaving would
get me off to a fine start.

Well, anything you say my dear

but I have certainly realized why
you have delayed your acceptance.

Oh, why?

Yes, I would like
to know that too.

She's alter shy.

- Alter shy?
- Absolutely.

A wedding is nothing to be
frightened about, my dear.

Why, some women go
through it three or four times.

You know, won't you let
me give you a demonstration.

A demonstration?

Yes, sort of a trial
run so to speak.

Oh Harry, for heaven's sake.

Well, that way, you'll see
how simple a wedding can be.

- Good, I'm glad you like the idea.
- I know how simple a wedding...

All right boys, you
know what to do.

- On the double. That's it...
- Harry, what are you doing?

Thank you, your highness,
take off your jacket please,

- I want you to try this on.
- What's going on here?

You'll be so delighted,
oh, wait until you see...

Harry.

Here we are. Right in there now.

- Good work boys, good...
- Harry, what is going on here?

Look, oh, you look magnificent.

Magnificent.

Musician, and...

Harry, fun is fun but
let's not take this too far.

Lucille, please,
please, please, please...

Mr. Winston.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered
here this afternoon,

to join together in
holy matrimony...

Hold it, hold it,
hold the fiddles!

Are you a real minister?

Of course, I'm a real minister.

Is this a real wedding?

Of course, this
is a real wedding.

Mr. Carter, I'm afraid you've
gone a little too far this time.

Yes, when I get married,
I'd like to know about it.

Yes, you misled me too.

Am I to assume that both of
you object to this ceremony?

- I do.
- I do.

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

- Harry! Harry!
- Oh, here comes the bride...

- Ladies and gentlemen,
I must ask you to leave please.
- Everybody out.

- Quickly, please, thank you.
- Out! Out everybody!

How dare you, Harry.

Not you, Mr. Carter.

Harry, you ought to
be ashamed of yourself.

Well, I think he meant well

but this attempted
ceremony was ill-advised.

Even a prince knows that it is two
hearts that must arrange a marriage.

Unfortunately, in this case,
only one heart is willing.

Naturally, I am deeply
disappointed because

I am sincerely in love with
Lucille but I do understand.

I'm sorry, Phil.

I'm really, really,
very, very fond of you.

Fond she says.

I try to open the door to love

while the whole
principality of Montalpania

goes right out the window.

That's Montalbania.

Well, at least you know
the name of my country

in case you should ever
want to get in touched with me.

Yes, your highness
and I may want to.

You are very sweet.

You're one of the
nicest man I ever met.

Certainly the nicest prince.

[Singing] Oh promise
me that someday you...

We'll grow our love together...

Where we will be
alone and make a new...

And find a house where
those flowers grow.

Too late.

Someday unspeakable...

Too late!

- To be, oh promise me...
- I tell you, it's too late.

Will you shut up.

Oh promise me.

Oh, shut up!