05x13 - My Fair Buzzi

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz.

Boy mom, I'm glad I
finally talked Annie Whipple

into coming to dinner tonight.

Oh, you had to
talk her into it, why?

Did she hear about my cooking?

No, no, it's just that she's so
shy and ill at ease around people.

Oh really?

She doesn't sound
like the rest of the kids

in your community drama club.

No, I guess that's
why I like her.

I think she's trying to
come out of her shell.

What is she, some
kind of an oyster?

Read your paper, Harry.

I just feel sorry for Annie mom,

she doesn't know how to dress or
walk, fix her face or hair or anything.

Good heavens, she sounds
like a professional blind date.

Yeah.

Well listen, that's why I
invited her over tonight.

I thought maybe
you could help her.

Me?

Yeah, well, you know, you
have a way of drawing people out

and everyone feels at ease
and comfortable around you.

Not everyone.

- Honey, I'll be very glad
to do what I can for you.
- Good.

And just why was I invited
to this night of revelry?

Because Uncle Harry,

when you want to, you
can turn on a lot of charm

and be very warm and friendly.

I am nice, aren't I.

There she is.

Now, remember mom,
try and help a little.

Of course, of course, dear.

Come on in, Annie.

Hi Annie, it's very
nice meeting you.

Annie, this is my mother
and my Uncle Harry.

Hi. Certainly, it's nice.

May I take shroud... oh cape?

It's all right
Annie, I'll take it.

- Oh, thank you I'm sure.
- Yes.

Why don't we all sit down?

Oh, you're so kind.

Her face looks
like an unbaked pie.

Shh, do you think you can help?

- Mission impossible.
- Oh.

Well Annie, Kim tells me you
met in the community drama club.

Uh-huh.

Oh, we have with us a
budding Sarah Bernhardt.

Oh no, my name is
Whipple, Annie Whipple.

Well gee Annie,

we're certainly glad that you
could come for dinner tonight.

Oh.

Annie, did Kim tell
you that Mr. Carter and I

have been asked to
appear in the review

- that the drama club is putting on?
- Uh-huh.

- Oh, she knows that.
- Oh, she knows, yeah, good.

Well, are you going
to try out for a part?

Oh my, mercy, no.

Ooh, I wouldn't have a
chance, I know, oh mercy, no.

Oh, why not, Annie?
It should be fun.

Oh, not me.

I wouldn't have a chance.

Nobody notices me at the club.

Oh, I bet some of those handsome
fellows certainly notice you.

Fellows?

Sure, why not?

Why, I'll bet that Hal King
could really go for you.

Oh, Hal King!

Oh!

Oh no, he wouldn't, he couldn't.

Hal King, whoo!

You better fasten her seat belt.

Annie, Annie, I don't
think it's so surprising

that a fellow would notice you.

You're a very
attractive young lady.

Attractive? Oh!

- Oh, I'm sorry Annie,
what did I say?
- Hey Annie...

I meant it as a
compliment, Annie.

Annie, now you stop your crying.

Here, use this.

- Good dinner, mom.
- Thank you, dear.

Oh yes, it was delicious.

Oh, thank you Annie but
the next time you come,

you are not going to do the
dishes and polish the silverware.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

I wouldn't dream of going to somebody's
house without helping out a little.

Well, thank you, dear.

Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, you're very, very welcome.

You know, I'm so ashamed
of the way I broke out in tears

and cried the way I did.

Oh Annie, don't worry
about it, we understand.

Oh, but I sure feel better
now. I feel right at home.

Oh well, we're very
glad to hear that.

Oh, I guess it's because Kim
reminds me of my little sister

and you remind
me of my big sister

and you remind me of
my dear old grandmother.

Your dear old grandmother?

She has the same
kind of mustache.

- Uh, Annie...
- Yes, ma'am?

I've been thinking.

Oh, that's always nice.

I've been thinking that since
you feel right at home with us,

maybe you wouldn't
mind a little suggestion.

- Oh, I wouldn't mind.
- Good, good.

Now, you promise not to cry.

Oh, I promise.

All right.

Now, about that
hairdo of yours...

Annie, you promised...

Oh now Annie, that's
nothing to cry about.

It's not?

No, I thought you said
you felt at home with us.

Oh, come to think of it, I used
to cry a lot at my home too.

- You're a real gem.
- Thank you.

- Annie...
- Yes, ma'am?

All I was suggesting was that
maybe if you change your hairdo

and your makeup, it might
improve your image a little.

Right, maybe a little more
attractive outfit, who knows,

you might even
turn out Hal King.

Ah! Hal King!

Oh no, he couldn't,
he wouldn't. Hal King!

Whoo!

Forget the seat belt,
she needs a straitjacket.

Annie, Annie, come on now,
come on, come on, come on, get up.

- Now let's try it right now.
- Try what?

Well now, we'll do
something to your hair

and Kim is very good at makeup

and maybe we can find
a nice dress to fit you.

Yeah, we'll give you
Pygmalion treatment.

Why, you'll be
another My Fair Lady.

Oh, I don't know. I always
believed in the natural look.

I'd put my trust
in mother nature.

Well, some people are
more trustful than others.

I think it's cheating to paint
up and put on frills and things.

It's deceitful.

People should look
the way they really look.

If women look the
way they really look,

it would sure stop the
population expl*si*n.

Come on...

- Please... I don't...
- Come on, Annie.

- Harry...
- Hmm?

Wait until you see her.
Wait until you see her.

OK Annie, you can come down now.

Annie, come down here.

[Singing] A pretty
girl is like a melody...

Pardon me young
lady, have we met?

Doesn't she look sharp?

Ravishing.

My only regret is that I'm
already promised to Raquel Welch.

Oh.

Annie, the way you look now,

you have just got to try
out for a part in the review.

Oh gosh, I wouldn't
have the nerve.

Oh, why not, Annie?

- Now, you told me you
performed in high school.
- I did?

Yeah, you said you
were in a dance number.

Oh yeah.

- Do you remember what it was?
- Yeah.

Well, what is it,
come on show us.

OK, here it goes.

Oh, how many guesses do we get?

It was a Maypole dance and I
played the part of the Maypole.

Oh well, I'll tell you
one thing Annie,

I have never seen a
Maypole played any better.

Oh, thank you.

Gee, it's amazing how
it all came back to me.

Yeah, it was a very tough step.

Boy.

You know something, I do
look better and I feel better.

I think I will go along with
Kim and try out for that review.

- Well, good for you.
- Great.

Oh Annie, I can't wait until
we go to those tryouts now.

Oh, neither can I.

Annie, you'll see.

We'll go to those tryouts
and those fellows will flip

especially Hal King.

Oh, Hal King!

Whoo!

He couldn't, he
wouldn't! Hal King!

Whoo!

Well girls, I think you
still have a little work to do.

A little bit.

OK, hold it.

OK.

Now, let's have three others.

You and you two,
let's see how you do.

It's just a simple
little time step girls.

Now remember, it's for
the Speakeasy sketch.

OK, hit it.

All right, that's enough.

Miss, about your time step,

I think you're a little rusty.

Yes, I am rusty.

Yes rusty, indeed rusty
and I'm near sighted too.

That will do it for now,
let's all take a little break.

Kim, maybe I shouldn't
have come here after all.

Oh, just pull yourself together.

Well, every time I try to pull
myself together, I fall apart.

That's no way to talk.

Hey, this might
be the perfect time.

For what?

There is Hal King.

Oh.

- Oh, hi Kim.
- Hi

I'd like you to meet a friend
of mine, Annie Whipple.

Annie, this is Hal King.

Nice meeting you, Annie.

Hi.

Annie, he's over here.

Hello.

Yes, it is a nice day.

I don't remember
seeing you here before.

Thanks.

I beg your pardon?

Did I say something wrong?

No, oh no, no, she's just a
little bit nervous about the tryouts

and this is the way she unwinds.

May I have your attention.

Listen, there's a girl that I had in
mind to play the part of Penelope,

the bootlegger's baby
sister but I don't see her here.

Now, I don't know her name but
she's sort of a plain looking character

with a weird hairdo.

Does anybody know who I mean?

Annie, I think he means you.

- Me?
- Yeah.

Well, she wasn't interested
enough to come to the tryouts,

I'll have to cast somebody else.

Oh no, Annie quick, go fix
your hair the way it usually is

and fix your face and
everything and I'll try and stall him.

OK everybody, relax.

Linda, let me hear you
read the Penelope part.

Now, it's a real
mousey type character

- and I want you to be
very down trodden.
- Excuse me, dear.

Mr. Greenway, I have a wonderful
idea for the sleeping beauty sketch,

- would you like to hear it?
- No.

Good.

♪ Singing

Kim...

Miss Carter...

What?

We're only working on the
Speakeasy sketch today.

Oh.

Oh, the Speakeasy sketch.

Yes, well oh, I have an idea
for the Speakeasy sketch too.

[Singing] Anchors away
my boy, anchors away...

Kim, if you don't mind.

Well, if you don't like that idea,
what about the Hawaiian w*r Chant?

♪ Singing

A plus for eagerness but

save it for rehearsal
will you please.

All right g*ng, come on over,

now I want to explain
the Speakeasy sketch.

What I need is a
feeling of the 20's,

I mean, it's the prohibition era

and bootleg whiskey is fo...

Hey, that's the one.

Young lady, where have you been?

I think I have a part for you.

What brought that on?

Well, if you need a
Maypole, she's ready.

Thank you,

thank you.

The next number in our review

is a sketch about the
roaring 20's entitled,

No One Had An Inhibition
About Disobeying Prohibition.

Well, if nothing
else, it rhymes.

Hello suckers,

I'm your hostess Dallas
Noonan and I own this clip joint.

I want you all to have
a good time tonight.

If anybody get sick, just
don't blame the booze,

it will be the food,

and if the food doesn't make you
sick, wait until you see your check.

You haven't got a chance.

Now, I'd like to introduce the
best floor show in this town.

I'd like to but we
couldn't afford it.

So, we put on our
own floor show.

Here are our
little dancing girls,

three who came up
the hard way, no talent.

Let's hear it for
the Misstep Sisters.

[Singing] Hot
ginger and dynamite

There's nothing
but that at night

Back in Nagasaki Where
the fellers chew tobaccy

And the women wicky-wacky woo.

The way they can entertain

Would hurry a hurricane

Back in Nagasaki Where
the fellers chew tobaccy

And the women wicky wacky woo.

In Fujiama You get a mama

Then your troubles increase.

In some pagoda She orders soda

Earth-shake milk-shakes,
ten cents apiece.

They kissy and huggy nice

Oh, By Jingo! It's
worth the price.

Back in Nagasaki Where
the fellers chew tobaccy

And the women wicky-wacky woo.

Hot ginger and dynamite

There's nothing
but that at night

Back in Nagasaki Where
the women wicky-wacky woo.

Mother, mother,
mother, pin a rose on me.

There they are, how
about those little girls.

All right, time to
drink up suckers.

Miss Noonan, Miss
Noonan, Big Jake is outside.

Oh, Big Jake always means
trouble. Well, get rid of him.

Well, there's no way
to get rid of Big Jake.

No?

Well I'll show you how.

I'll show you how to get
rid of him some other time.

How are you Dallas?

Bootleggers ain't
welcome here Big Jake

and this is what you get
for knocking down my door.

All right bodyguards,

you're going to let
her get away with that?

- Get away with what?
- With this.

You better not do that again.

Boy, I hired gorillas and
I wind up with pussycats.

Well Jake, what do you want?

You've decided
to lower the price

of that bum booze
you've been selling me?

Discussing booze ain't the
purpose of my visitation blondie.

Blondie, that was last week.

Hi you, k*ller.

Hello, buttercup.

- I brought you a little drinkie.
- Oh, thanks.

Hey, don't drink that stuff.

Why not?

It's some of ours.

How come we're selling
them the good stuff?

You miserable...

Dallas, the reason I come here is
I want you to meet my baby sister.

Hey, Penelope, come in here.

Come here, come here, come here.

This here is my
baby sister Penelope.

Well baby sister, we got
a drink named after you.

What's it called?

A Zombie.

Dallas, I want you to put
Penelope in your floor show.

In my floor show?

She's a songbird.

Well, winter is coming
on, let her fly south.

I said she's going
into your floor show.

Over my dead body.

Good idea.

Boys.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the new star of our floor
show, baby sister Penelope.

All right, step it up,
let's step it up. Come on.

All ready Penelope?

Hey, band leader,

let's hear A Good Man Is
Hard to Find in the key of A flat.

We don't know it
in the key of A flat.

We just learned it.

Hit it.

[Singing] My heart is
sad and I am all forlorn,

my man is treating me mean

I regret the day that I was born

and that man of
mine I've ever seen

My happiness, it
never lasts a day

My heart...

While I say...

Hit it, Peaches!

A good man is hard to find

You always get the other kind

Just when you think
that he is your pal,

You look for him and find him
fooling around some other gal

Then you rave, you even crave
to see him laying in his grave

So, if your man is
nice, take my advice

Hug him in the morning,
kiss him every night

Give him... all your
love and treat him right

Because a good man
nowadays is hard to find

I said a good man
now is hard to find