05x19 - Lucy and the Professor

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz.

- Oh Harry, come in.
- Hello, Lucille.

I'm so glad that you
were able to come over.

- Well, what's the SOS this time.
- Sit down, Harry.

- Listen., - Yeah.

Kim is becoming
involved with an older man.

An older man?

I found out, she has
been having dates

with one of her
college professors.

Oh, what's he like?

I don't know. I haven't
even met him yet.

Well, have you talked
to Kim about this?

I can't and that's what bugs me.

We had a family
argument the other night

and she had the nerve
to make me promise

that I wouldn't
meddle in her affairs.

Well, what was the
argument about?

Well, that night
when I was dusting,

the duster just happened to
knock her diary off the table

and it fell open to
this certain page

and she woke up and
accused me of reading her diary.

Lucille, how come you were
dusting in the middle of the night?

What's that got to do with it?

Well, tell me, what did the
diary say about this professor?

Well, I wouldn't know.

Now, that I'm sending her to
college, she writes in French.

It's getting so whenever
I ask her anything,

she accuses me of
prying and snooping.

Well, I'll find out about
him in my own way.

- How?
- By prying and snooping.

I think I'll just send her over to that
college and kind of mosey around

and find out a few things
about this Professor Kleindorf.

And suppose Kim sees you there?

Well, I'll just say that I
have come to inquire about

one of the special courses
they have for adults.

- Special courses like what?
- Like how to read French.

I hate to let a good
pucker go to waste.

Why Professor Kleindorf.

Professor, during lunch hour?

John.

Oh, John.

Pussycat.

Hey, why were you so late?

Oh, I had to give a
little personal instruction

to one of my music majors.

A new student
and not very bright.

Football player, huh?

No, but some of my male
students would love to tackle her.

Her?

Well, hope you're not
going out for that team.

Wait a minute Kim,
don't blow your cool.

It just so happens that this young lady
doesn't have a lot of time for studying.

She works downtown as a
waitress in the pancake shop.

Yeah, well just tell her
to go easy on the syrup.

You got your own waitress.

Ooh, by the way,

I thought you might like
some real home fried chicken.

Uh-huh, beautiful.

I bought it with my own
little home friend hands.

- You're making me
feel like a kept man.
- Oh.

Hey, I know how
I can reciprocate.

I know an elegant
restaurant down at the beach.

Well, professor,

you certainly know how to
make education interesting.

I try.

Hello Professor Kleindorf.

Oh, hello Gloria.

I just thought I'd stop
by and see if I could help.

Well fine, why don't
you put your books down

and I'm sure I can find
something for you to do.

I'll bet you can.

Who is she?

That was the student
I was telling you about,

the one that works
downtown in the pancake shop.

Pancake shop.

Shh, shh.

What can I do to help?

Well, maybe you could help
us hang these decorations.

Here, come one over here.

Right up there.

Take it easy.

- Yeah, I'll hold the ladder.
- I'll hold the ladder.

Professor Dietrich.

Yes, Pussycat?

- I wonder if I might speak
to you for a moment, sir.
- Certainly.

You know professor, I'm afraid
my music department is going to go

right down the tube unless
we can get some help.

What's the problem?

Well, if Dean Phillips doesn't
come through with the cash allocation

for some up-to-date equipment,

my kids will be dropping out

and they'll need one less
professor around here.

That will be me.

Now, how can I help?

Well, I have made a list of notes
specifying the things that we need

and I was hoping that... well,
you're so gifted with words, professor.

Well, you are,

I was hoping that you could
put them into a little speech

that I could sort of lay on the dean
tomorrow night at our get together.

Well, I'm afraid Dean Phillips wouldn't
be as easy to get around as I am.

However, I should be able to come
up with something the dean will... dig.

Great.

Thank you, professor.

You're real groovy.

These aren't grooves,
they are wrinkles.

How does it look, professor?

Oh, it looks great, Gloria.

Oh, thanks, love.

- Love?
- Oh!

Gloria, are you all right?

Steve, come here,
hold this ladder.

Kim,

what is the idea
shaking that ladder?

Do you realize she
could have fallen off.

Well, it wouldn't hurt
to flatten her out a little.

Come on, help me get this stuff.

Here, untangle this mess here.

All right, all right.

Charlie, move these cases
over the refreshment stuff, huh.

Right, prof.

Hey Charlie...

Yeah?

How did you get so strong?

I've been lifting
weights all winter.

Wow.

Hey, fellows, I think we should
move the refreshment stand over here.

That's what I call
brains over brawn.

Now, that has
nothing to do with this.

OK everybody that's
lunch in one hour.

See you back at 1:00, huh?

All right, yeah, let's go.

And thanks a lot.

I wonder if they've got
the piano out of tune.

Well,

it doesn't sound
out of tune to me.

You play piano?

Studied for years.

- You're kidding.
- No.

Show me something,
play something.

How does this grab you?

You're kidding, that's
my favorite song.

Oh, go on.

Sure it is. Listen.

Don't tell me, let me guess.

- [Singing] Imagine
me and you - Ooh, I do.

I think about you day and night

It's only right

To think about the girl you love

And hold her tight

So happy together

Two fingers.

If I should call you
up invest a dime

And you say you belong to me

It would ease my mind

Imagine how the world would be

So very fine

- So happy together
- Ooh, I think I got it.

I can see me lovin'
nobody but you

For all my life

When you're with me
baby the skies will be blue

For all my life

Me and you and you and me

No matter how they
toss the dice It has to be

The only one for me is you

And you for me

So happy together

I can see me lovin'
nobody but you

Elbows.

For all my life

When you're with me
baby the skies will be blue

For all my life

I can see me lovin'
nobody but you

Pardon me, would
you mind if I sat here.

- Not at all.
- Thank you.

I hurt my leg some time
ago and it does get tired.

You'd think that I'd know better
than to be skiing at my age.

Oh, I don't share
that point of view.

I think age is a state of mind.

You do?

Yes, and it should be ignored,

especially by a woman
as attractive as you.

Oh, thank you.

No wonder, young girls find
you so attractive, professor.

Oh?

Yes, I understand you're a great
favorite with the female students.

Well, that's very nice to hear.

Are you associated
with the University?

No, I was just nosing around...
or I mean, moseying around.

I think it's a good
idea for a mother

to take an interest in all
of her daughter's activities.

I couldn't agree more.

Uh-huh.

Well, being a professor,

you must know a lot about
girls my daughter's age.

You wouldn't believe
the number of mothers

who come to see me
about their daughters.

I wouldn't, huh.

I guess that's because they
consider me some kind of expert.

Expert?

Well, on account
of my latest book,

Sex and the College Girl.

- You are an expert on that?
- Mm-hmm.

It's a bestseller.

Well, you just sold another one.

Thank you.

Professor, does your book deal at
all with the situation of a young girl

being infatuated with a
much, much older man?

Oh, yes, yes, in fact,

I have devoted several
chapters to that very subject.

Oh, and how do you think a
parent should react to that situation?

With great caution.

When a young girl feels a strong
need for independent thinking

rather than parental guidance.

Yes, I see. The generation gap.

Yes, yes, yes, and I
think the generation gap

- is more our fault than it is theirs.
- Oh?

Well, we expect the youngsters
to come over and live in our world

but we won't crossover
into their world.

No, I'm a firm believer
that the two generations

must learn to live together.

What do you mean live together?

Well, what I mean is,

like this kind of get together
we're having here at the college.

Now, the whole purpose of this

is for faculty members and
young students to fraternize.

- Fraternize?
- Yes, you know,

it might be a good idea for
you and your husband to attend.

Well, I happen to be a widow.

Oh.

Well, if you won't think
it presumptuous of me,

I'm attending this
occasion tomorrow night

and I'd be more than
happy to act as your escort.

You mean be my date?

Oh well, that is a
flattering way to put it.

Well, I'm the one
who's flattered

but are you sure you
don't have another date?

Well, frankly, one of the students
did invite me to go with her

- but I'm certain she was
just being patronizing.
- Oh.

No, I'll just tell her
I have other plans.

You will?

Well, maybe if
it's not imposing.

No, no, no, not at all.

- Oh my dear, I completely forgot.
- What?

I have to be over in Westwood.

- I'm giving a lecture there.
- Oh.

- Will you excuse me?
- Oh, of course.

Can I give you a lift?

No, no thanks. My
car is in the parking lot.

Oh, by the way, I don't
even know your name.

Ah... Magilacutty.

Lucy Magilacutty.

May I have your address so
that I know where to pick you up.

Oh, well, why don't
I just meet you here.

As you wish.

I'll see you tomorrow then.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Harry...
- Oh, hi.

Listen, is Kim home?

Yes, she's upstairs,
getting to dressed.

Everything worked out all right?

- Sit down.
- Yeah.

I met this older man
that Kim is infatuated with

and everything is working out better
than anything I could have planned.

- Guess what.
- What?

This Professor Kleindorf
asked me to be his date

at a party they are
having tomorrow night.

Well how does that
resolve anything?

Can you think of a more dramatic
way to bring her to her senses,

seeing her professor
friend dating her mother.

He made a date with you
knowing that you're Kim's mother?

No. He didn't know who I was.

I gave her my maiden name.

How could you
remember that far back?

- Oh you...
- Well I...

I'll get it.

It's professor Kleindorf, he's
coming to take me to dinner.

Professor Kleindorf, this is
Mr. Carter, my uncle Harry.

How do you do, sir?

How do you do, young man?

And I'd like you to meet my...

Mother, what are
you doing on the floor?

I think she lost
some of her marbles.

Professor, my mother.

Oh, your mother.

Well, must say Mrs. Carter, you
look much younger than I expected.

So do you.

Yeah, such a young
man to be a professor.

You really find that kind
of stability these days.

Oh, thank you very much
Mr. Carter but you know,

I really don't have
it all put together.

As a matter of fact, there are
times when I feel like I'm still

trying to find out
who I really am.

Yeah, but when you find
out, we'd all like to know.

Oh well, we better be running
along, we don't want to be late.

See you.

Yeah, it's nice to have met
you, Mrs. Carter, Mr. Carter.

My pleasure.

Well, Lucille, it looks
like you made another one

of your stupid mistakes.

Harry, how can you be so naïve.

Kim knows I wouldn't
approve of Professor Kleindorf

so she brought a decoy.

You mean that young
man is an impostor?

He is as phony as some
of your tax deductions.

Well, mother, what
are you doing here?

The professor invited me.

Well, I didn't know you
two knew each other.

We met yesterday afternoon.

Well, this is quite a surprise.

Yeah, I thought it would be.

I'm surprised too.

I didn't know Kim
was your daughter.

I thought you told me
your name was Magilacutty.

Well, I must have given
you my maiden name.

You made me feel so young.

Oh professor, if you have a minute,
John would like to speak with you.

Of course.

I hope you don't mind
if I borrow your date.

Oh, not at all, just don't
forget who's date it is.

Well, if she forgets, I
most certainly will not.

Oh, how nice.

Hello, Lucille.

Harry, what are you doing here?

Well, I thought I
ought to be around

to keep an eye on
that weird professor.

Harry, if Kim sees you here,

she'll really think it's
a family conspiracy.

Why, a party is a party.

Yes, but you wouldn't coming
to an affair like this, not alone.

I didn't come alone.

I came with one of the young
ladies who works at the pancake shop.

Gloria, Gloria.

Gloria, I'd like you to meet
my sister-in-law, Lucille Carter.

Hello.

How do you do?

Here's your punch, Harry.

Oh, thank you.

- Here, you take mine, I'll get another.
- Thank you.

Isn't that nice?

Yeah, yeah, she's all heart.

Oh, tell me about Kim.

How did she react to your
having a date with her professor?

Well, she's trying
to play it cool.

She just dragged him away.

And if I know women, you can
bet he is being told off right now.

Well, that should put an
end to that, congratulations.

I'll drink to that.

Oh, professor, this speech is
a synch to win over the dean.

Well, I'll go over and
say hello to the dean

and see if I can soften him up.

Oh, that's great.

Next.

- Harry, look at that.
- Hmm.

What's the matter?

It's that smart,
elegant impostor

who tried to make
a fool out of me.

I'm going to tell him off.

Young man,

I don't know who you are

but I'll thank you to keep
away from my daughter.

Mother.

First, you get involve
with that old goat

and now this phony who's
trying to pass himself off

as Professor Kleindorf.

Mother, what are
you talking about?

Oh, don't act so innocent,
just who are you anyway?

Mrs. Carter, I'm
Professor Kleindorf.

Oh boy.

Well, if you want proof,
look at this speech,

it has my name right on it.

Oh, don't insult
my intelligence.

Anybody could type their
name on a piece of paper

and this is what I
think of your proof.

- Oh, No mother, don't.
- Oh, stop! Mrs. Carter...

Excuse me.

Professor Kleindorf, we'll
already start the show.

Oh, thank you very much.

Professor Klein... you mean,
you really are Professor Kleindorf?

Yes, of course I am.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Sorry...

Well, when I met him
on the campus yesterday,

he was carrying that notebook

and I saw the name on the
cover and well I thought...

Oh mother, you promised you'd
stop your snooping and interfering.

Now what is Uncle
Harry doing here?

Oh, he came on account of me.

Oh, they're like secret
agents. They work in pairs.

Just wait a minute, Kim.

They're only interfering because

they love you and
just like I love you

and I wouldn't want to see you
running around with that old goat.

I mean...

I mean, Professor Dietrich.

Dietrich, is that your name?

My maiden name.

Oh, I'm on.

What are you going to
do about your speech?

Here it is.

I'll think of something.

Hi everybody.

Thank you very much.

I had hope to say a
few words this evening

to try to impress
it on Dean Phillips

how important it is that
we get some financial help

to keep our music
department going, right?

But, due to circumstances
beyond my control,

I'm going to give
up speech making.

I'm just going to try to
express myself with music, OK?

Come on fella's. Hit it.

[Singing] Let's sit around
making music all night long.

Just as long as I'll take the music
I know I can't do nobody wrong.

Who knows maybe someday,
I'll come up with a song.

That makes people want to
stop their fussing and fighting

long enough to sing along.

I believe in music

I, I believe in love

I believe in music

I, I believe in love

See, music is the universal
language and love is the key

Brotherhood, peace and
understanding and livin' in harmony

Come up here, Dean Phillips.

Grab your bother by the
hand and sing along with me

You'll find out what it really
means to be young and rich and free

I believe in music

I think you do.

I, I believe in love

- Are you with me, Dean Phillips?
- Oh, you made a believer out of me.

I, I believe music is love and love
is music if you know what I mean

People who believe in music are
the happiest people I've ever seen

So clap your hands and stomp
your feet, shake your tambourine

Raise your voices up to the
sky God loves you when you sing

I believe in music

I, I believe in love

Come on everybody, dance.

I believe in music

I, I believe in love

I believe in music

I, I believe in love

I believe in music

I, I believe in love...