05x20 - Lucy and the Franchise Fiasco

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon.

- Hi, Sam.
- Hello.

Mary Jane! Where have you been?

You were supposed to meet
me for lunch half an hour ago.

You forgot my
boss went to Europe.

Oh, of course.

- You've been home in bed.
- Right.

What would be, girls?

Well, I'm glad
you're finally here.

- Have I got something to tell you.
- What?

What?

- To tell her.
- Oh...

- Wait till you hear...
- Oh...

- You're not going to believe it.
- I can't wait.

- Just sit yourself little lady.
- Oh, Lucy.

- I'm...
- So what, what, what?

I have two things to tell you.
Now, one is gossip and one isn't.

Now, which one do
you want to hear first?

- What do you think?
- OK. Here's the gossip.

Harry is in the middle
of a big romance

- and this time I think it's serious.
- No!

Yeah. Her name is
Mrs. Archer-Fleetwood Ill.

She's a widow and she has
the one quality in a woman

- that Harry cannot resist.
- What's that?

She's loaded.

How do you like that?

Harry waited all these years and
Ms. Moneybags finally came on.

Yeah.

And he's so coy about
it all. You should hear.

He calls her Bunny.

Bunny?

Yes.

And last night, he went to
a fancy party on her yacht.

Her yacht?

Boy, that's a bunny
with a lot of lettuce.

Yeah.

Oh Harry has really
got stars in his eyes.

Well, actually, he has a star in
one eye and a dollar sign in the other.

Oh, but he's so lucky,
a wealthy widow.

He's sit for the
rest of his life.

Yeah. He sure is.

Well, so much for the gossip.

Now, here's the other
thing I want to tell you.

I have been thinking about how
you and I could make a lot of money.

Really, how?

Investments.

Investments?

That's right.

After all, we don't want to
be secretaries all our lives.

We already have.

Mary Jane, do you want
to hear my idea or not?

- No, I want to hear it.
- OK.

Would you like to
order something girls?

No, thank you, Sam, we wouldn't.

Now, do you know where
the big money is these days?

- No, where?
- Franchises.

- Right.
- Uh-huh.

All the big money
is in franchises.

That's right.

What's a franchise?

It's when a big business chain,

let's you buy into
one of their outlets.

You know, like,
fried chicken places

or pizza parlors, or
hamburger stands.

Oh I know what you mean.

Yeah, well, I found
one that's for sale.

It's called the Proud Penguin.

We're going to sale
penguin burgers?

No, honey.

They sell that frozen custard.

Oh I love that stuff.

And so does everybody
else. That's why it's a goldmine.

What's it going to cost us
to buy into this goldmine?

Just $3000 down.

Well, back to the
secretarial pool.

Oh, now, Mary Jane,
let me finish. Now, listen.

Can you scrape up $500?

I can if I use my life savings

and borrow $450.

Well, you put in 500
and I'll put in 500.

Lucy, where are you
going to get $500?

I'll borrow on my car.

If that isn't enough,
I'll sell my blood.

Sell your blood?

I'll be pale, but I'll be rich.

But that's only 1000.

Where are we going
to get the other 2000?

Good question, yeah.

[Singing] Oh I'm falling
in love with someone

Harry.

Someone I'm falling in love
with someone head a-whirl

Yes, I'm falling in love
with someone...Hello, girls.

Harry's got a girl.
Harry's got a girl.

Yes, he has.

Oh, you certainly sound happy.

I bet you had a
great time last night.

Oh, it was glorious.

We sailed out onto the
bay under a full moon

and we had a midnight supper.

Later on, we danced
out on the deck

and I held my money in my arms.

My bunny.

Well, I'm very glad
you dropped by, Harry.

I was just telling Mary Jane
about an idea that I have.

I'm sorry I don't
have time to hear it.

Well, it has to do
with making money.

Move over.

All right. Now, what is it?

Well, now, we were talking
about investing in a franchise.

Do you know the Proud
Penguin over on Citrus Boulevard?

- As a matter of fact, yes, I do. I do.
- Mm-hmm.

Bunny and I...

Bunny and I stopped by there
the other night after the theater.

Yeah, well, it's available

and it's right across
the street from the zoo

and it has hundreds of
kids passing it all hours.

Uh-huh.

And how much is this
investment going to cost me?

How do you feel about $2000?

Very protective.

Now, Harry, it's a good deal.

- Lucy and I are
putting in $500 apiece.
- That's right.

Oh?

How come I get to put in twice
as much as you two together?

Because you're twice as smart.

Oh well, that's true.

But $2000, now I...

Well, I look at it
this way, Harry.

Now that you're moving in such
ritzy social circles, you know,

big yachting parties and all that,
you're going to need more income.

Well, that's true. I could
use a little extra income.

Sure.

Lucille, I never thought I'd say
this, but you have a good idea.

Thank you.

Look...

Now, wait... wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

What?

Where are we going to find
the time to run another business?

Well, now, that's the
beautiful part of the whole deal.

George and Lynn Stewart,
the couple who run the Penguin,

said that they'd be willing to
stay on for the new owners.

Oh, that's good, good, good.

All we have to do is sit
back and rake in the profits.

And eat a lot of
free frozen custard.

- There go the profits.
- Oh no.

Look, why don't we go up to the
Penguin and set the deal right now?

- Now?
- Why not?

- Good, good, good. I love it.
- Oh good.

- Oh and Lucille...
- I'm so glad... I'm very... I'm glad.

Aren't you folks going
to have any lunch?

Well, no, Sam, we're going
to have lunch at our own place.

Well, in that case, here.

What's that?

A dollar and a
quarter for booth rental.

- Oh, that Sam...
- Can you believe that.

Do you take credit cards?

No sir, I do not.

Oh.

Here's a dollar.

Hi, Lucy!

Hi-ya, Mary Jane!

I came to visit our
far-flung empire.

Yeah, how about
this? Come on in.

It's gorgeous.

Hey, what are you
doing in that uniform?

Where are George and Lynn?

You know, on our first day of
business, I sold three cones already?

Fine.

Where are George and Lynn?

You know, Harry says we
make 5 cents profit on each cone,

so already today,
we've cleared 15 cents.

Good. Where are George and Lynn?

You know, I was figuring if
we sell a hundred cones a day,

that will be $5 clear profit

and on weekends when
the kids are out of school,

we are to sell, well,
even more than that.

Now, say, we sold
maybe 500 cones.

Lucy, what did you say that
make George and Lynn quit?

Nothing at all.

And how did you know it was me?

What happened?

All is said was that this place
could use a good cleaning

and I mentioned that I was maybe
going to rearrange a couple of things

and the next thing I know,
they were stalking out the door.

They left just like that?

In one of the biggest
huffs that I've ever seen.

Well, nice going, Lucy.

I didn't do it on purpose.

Well, actually,
it isn't too bad.

All we have to do is call
franchise headquarters

and they will send over
some new personnel.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

- You already called?
- Uh-huh.

And it will be two whole weeks
before they can send us anybody.

Well, this is some nice mess.

Look, Mary Jane, don't
just stand there complaining.

Get busy and unpack that
whole big thing of cones

and then fill the
cone rack for me.

And when you finish, will you
get the mop and clean this floor?

It's a mess.

- Lucy...
- The whole place is a mess.

Why is it every time we get
involved in one of your schemes,

you wind up the foreman.

Can I help it if us
Leo's, are born leaders?

And I suppose us
Aquarians, are born sl*ves.

Oh, Mary Jane, now
look on the bright side.

Your boss is in Europe.

You can be right
here and run the place

and I'll help you out a
couple hours every afternoon.

That's the bright side?

Well, it could be worse.

That's right. Here comes Harry.

What's he doing here?

He owns two-thirds
of it, remember?

Oh...

Well, hi. Hi, girls.

- Hi, Harry.
- Hi, Harry.

Lucille, what are you
doing in that uniform?

Where are George and Lynn?

Well, Harry, we got to
thinking that as owners

we should learn
the whole operation,

you know, we should learn
the business from the ground up.

Lucille, what did you say that
made George and Lynn quit?

Why does everybody
always think it's my fault?

Because it always is your
fault. All right, what did you say?

None of your beeswax.

Well, 23 skidoo to you.

Lucy played tycoon and
threw her weight around.

Well, aren't you the
dirty little snitcher?

I should have known
something like this would happen.

Why oh why did I ever listen
to a nincompoop like you?

What are you talking about?

You couldn't wait to jump
on the nincompoop wagon?

All right. All
right. Wait minute.

No use getting into a wrangle.

All we have to do is
call the franchise people,

they'll send over
some trained personnel.

Don't bother, Harry.

What?

I already called.

There's no one available
for at least two weeks.

That does it!

What is in this box?

Ice cream cone crumbs.

- Crumbs? Lucille...
- Now, Harry, Harry, Harry, please.

Now, just why don't
we all calm down

and cool off with some
nice frozen custard.

It's not really as
bad as it seems.

- Let's just cool it, Harry.
- Yeah.

Look, Harry, Mary
Jane's boss is out of town,

so she can spend
a lot of time here

and you and I can
take turns helping out.

- Yeah.
- Now, here you are.

- A nice Proud Penguin
frozen custard.
- Thanks.

Oh! Speaking of penguins,

did anybody read
about the penguins

that escaped from
the zoo this morning?

With our luck, they'll open up
their own frozen custard stand

right next door.

- Here is one for you, Mary Jane.
- Oh, thank you.

You know, maybe
we could catch them

and put little signs
around their necks that say,

"Eat at the Proud Penguin."

Or am I being silly?

Yes, you're being silly.

Oh boy.

- Boy, this is good.
- Ha, wonderful.

Oh, this is really good.

Harry, this thing is stuck.

What do you mean it stuck?

I can't turn it off.

Well, of course,
you can turn it off.

Ah, jerk it. Don't waste it.

Ah, lift it. Ah...
do... that's it.

Here... here take this.

Take that.

Ah, I've run out of cones.

What do you mean we're
running out of cones?

I just sat on them
and they all broke.

Oh, good heavens.
Well, do something.

What do you want me to do?

Are profits are running
all over the floor.

I'll get the mop.

Oh yeah, and I'll go see if there
are any containers in the store room.

Don't you dare waste
one tiny bit of that.

Now, eat it. Eat it.

Eat it?

Here.

It's on the house.

That's all over the house.

Help!

Did you find anything!

We're looking,
Lucille. We're looking.

There's nothing in...

Great heavens.

Is that Lucy?

Of course it's Lucille.

Who else would look like
an exploded banana split?

We need help.

Yeah, well, I'll run out and
see if I can find a cookie fixer,

a custard fixer, a
penguin plumber.

I'll get somebody.

Hi, Harry.

Oh, Mary Jane. I'm
so glad you're on time.

I have to go home and change.

Bunny's brother is giving a fancy
birthday lunch at the country club.

Oh, wish her a
happy birthday for me.

Thank you. I will.

Aren't you going to ask
me how business was?

How's business?

Why did you bring that up?

Not a good, eh?

Oh, believe me.

The man who unloaded this
place knew what he was doing,

Proud Penguin indeed

should be called
the Plucked Chicken.

Harry, don't be discouraged.

Guess why we're not
doing any business.

Why?

Because the zoo put in
their own ice cream parlor

right across the street.

Well, that's a
sneaky little zoo.

Yeah, well, I'm working
on a way to outsmart them.

I put Lucille in
charge of advertising.

Advertising? What do you mean?

Lucille, come out.

No.

Lucille, come out here.

No.

Lucille, come out
here this instant!

Now, turn around so Mary
Jane can see the rest of it.

"Eat at the Proud Penguin."

Oh, I think that's cute.

I think that's cute.

How did you ever
think of that, Harry?

Well, as a matter of
fact, you gave me the idea

when you mentioned those
penguins escaping from the zoo.

- I gave you the idea?
- Yes.

Yeah, thanks a lot, Mary Jane.

Now, Lucille is going to wander
all through the neighborhood

to attract customers.

No, she isn't.

- Now, Lucille...
- Save your breath, Harry.

There's nothing you can say
that will make me appear in public

in this stupid outfit.

How about $500 down the drain?

You sure know how to
hit a penguin where it lives.

All right, Lucille, come
on, let's get going.

There isn't any time to lose,
come, come, come, come.

You get out there.
Get all around there.

There... well,
shoo, birdie, shoo.

Shoo... that's good.

Out you go. Shoo,
shoo, shoo, shoo.

Oh... oh I think
this is going to do it.

Lucy, where did they come from?

I don't know.

They must think
I'm their mother.

Are they the ones that
escaped from the zoo?

How do I know?

Well, listen, Lucy,
we've got a problem.

My boss called.

He got home a day early

and I have to go and
pick him up at the airport.

Well, I can take care of the
store. There's no problem.

Well, yeah, but Harry called
from the West Line Country Club.

He forgot Bunny's present
and he wants you to bring it over.

Well, I'll just lock up the
store. There's no problem.

But the laundryman came,
took your uniform by mistake,

and you have to go to
the club dressed like that.

That's a problem.

- I'd do it, but I'm late already.
- Well, I'm not going to do it.

Well, suit yourself,

but the way the frozen
custard business is going,

you may need that
secretarial job in a hurry.

Oh, Mary Jane.

Sorry, kids.

Mommy has to go on an errand.

May I have your
attention, please?

I would like to propose a
toast to the birthday girl.

To the charming,
delightful, attractive Bunny.

Oh, Harrison.

I have a little present
for you, my dear.

It should be delivered
in any minute.

Oh, I can hardly
wait to see what it is.

Oh, it's just a little token
of my affection that's all.

Well.

Oh, that's the albacore that my
brother Jimmy caught at Acapulco.

It put up quite a fight, too.

Well, what a delightful surprise.
That calls for another toast.

To Brother Jimmy's albacore.

- Oh, you did it.
- All right.

- Say, that looks magnificent.
- What a surprise this is.

Oh... and he had to be...

Why... why didn't you
change your clothes?

Well, I was going to,

but Mary Jane sent my uniform
to the laundry by mistake.

- Well, I was going to go home
and change, but I just didn't have time.
- Never mind. Never mind.

Just give me the present...

Now, get going,
shoo, shoo, shoo.

Bunny dear...

Happy birthday, Mrs. Fleetwood.

Oh, thank you.

Oh.

This is Lucille Carter,
my penguin in-law,

sister-in-law.

- Oh, how do you do?
- How do you do?

Are you going to a masquerade?

Uh, yes, as a
matter of fact, I am.

Yeah, she is and she is late.

She's late. So you
better get going.

- Go. Goodbye, Lucille.
- Yeah.

Well, I hope you all
have a wonderful time...

Great heavens! What are
those birds doing in here?

Oh, well, they're just
some of my little friends.

They are going to
the party with me.

Come along, come
along with mama.

Come along with mama.

Waiter!

Waiter, get those
birds out here?

Get them out! Get them out!

Oh, hurry up! Get
them out of there.

They're ruining everything.

Look what they
did to my Albacore...