05x22 - The Not-So-Popular Mechanics

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[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon.

Come in. Come in.

Hi Lucy.

Hi Mary Jane. Come on in, honey.

Want a cup of coffee?

Oh, honey, we don't have time.

Have you forgotten today
is Morton's Department Store

end-of-the-month sale.

Oh, well, thanks
anyway, but I can't go.

I have something much
more important to do.

But Lucy, everything
is half-priced.

What could be more
important than that?

A new man I met.

Oh you're right.

- That makes half-priced looks sick.
- You bet.

OK. Tell me all about him.

What's his name? Do I know him?

His name is Jack Scott

and I'm taking a course he
teaches at the Valley Trade School

and the course is just for women

so they can learn all
about their car engines.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You know, I have no idea
what's under the hood of my car.

No kidding.

- Well, it wouldn't hurt
you to take the course.
- Yeah.

Why don't you
come with me today?

Well, why not?

Maybe your instructor
friend has a friend.

Wouldn't be supr...

Oh, that must be Harry.

He said he was going to come
by and show me his new car.

- Harry spent money for a new car?
- Uh-huh.

Harry buys a new car every 15
years whether he needs one or not.

Come on, let’s take a look.

Oh, Harry, it's gorgeous.

Oh, it's beautiful.

Oh, Harry. I've never seen
anything like that in my life.

Yeah.

Harry, is this really yours?

It will be after 83
more payments.

I just can't get over it.

- A Rolls Royce.
- Yeah.

Oh and look at
that shiny paint job.



That's 12 more than I have.

- 14 coats?
- Yeah.

No... you'll put
fingerprints on it.

- I'm sorry.
- Well...

You know, all of my life, I
dream about only a car like this.

Isn't she a beauty?

Will you look at him?

He's drooling.

I haven't seen that
expression on his face

since he judged the Ms.
Borrego Springs beauty contest.

Harry, can we take a ride in it?

Well, I guess I could
take you for a little spin.

Oh good.

Watch the fingerprints.

Are your hands clean?

I don't want you
soiling the upholstery.

If you want, we
can ride standing up.

Yeah.

All right. Well, wipe your feet.

There we go.

Careful. Don't...
don't... touch the paint.

Good, good, good. Very nice.

That's right.

In you get... watch... it.

And so, ladies, remember,

the functions of these
very important parts.

Fine. All right that's
enough about generators.

Now, I'd like to
discuss horsepower.

What is horsepower?

Well, suppose a horse
walks 165 feet in 1 minute,

carrying a 200-pound weight,

now, anyone know the
amount of work involved?

- Mrs. Carter?
- What's the name of the horse?

What's that got to do with it?

Well, if you're going to ask
the horse to walk a 165 feet

pulling a big weight around,

the least you could
do is call him by name.

- I don't see what...
- Well, what are you going to say to him,

"Giddy-yap, what's your name?"

Ms. Lewis?

Well, do they really make
that horse carry 200 pounds?

That seems awfully cruel.

I don't think you
understand, Ms. Lewis.

Well, I think the automobile industry
should be reported to the SPCA.

Does anyone know the answer?

Ms. Folly?

Well, as it's said in our books,

if a horse walks


pulling a 200-pound weight,

the amount of work
is 33,000 foot-pounds.

Very good.

I would have known the answer,
too, if I cheated and read the book.

Do you believe her?

Now, I'd like to review
the ignition system.

- Remember we studied it last week?
- Yeah.

Now, who would like to tell
us how the ignition works?

Anyone like to tell us how
the ignition system works?

Mr. Scott?

- Yes.
- I would.

All right, Mrs. Carter.

Thank you.

Well, now, the power,

the power for the machine
goes along this little wire here,

this little white wire,

and goes right into this, um...
this, um... bunch of stuff here.

And then, it runs through
this wire into this thingamajig,

this big thingamajig here,

and then it goes
round and round,

and it comes out all in
this little dilly box, you know.

And from here, it goes to
eight little pluggywhoosits

and they set a fire to
the gas in the doohickey.

And then, the engine
starts and before you know it,

you're streaking
down the freeway.

I don't think so, Mrs. Carter.

Why not?

Why not class?

She forgot to turn the key.

She forgot to turn the key.

Well naturally, I was
going to turn the key.

Thank you, Mrs. Carter.

Well, any questions
before we stop for the day?

Yeah, what time you're
going to pick me up tonight?

Huh?

Huh?



OK. I'll be waiting.
I'll be waiting.

Harry, what are you doing here?

Why aren't you at the
office, looking at your watch

and complaining I'm late?

Because I'm not
going to the office.

I'm going to San Francisco for
the rest of the week, remember?

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

Oh darn, I could have
stayed in bed another hour.

- I mean...
- I know what you meant.

I don't have time to go
into that right now, Lucille.

I have decided to leave my car
in your garage while I'm gone.

- Oh, well, I am very
flattered at that honor.
- Yeah.

But I'm afraid, there
isn't enough room.

Oh, nonsense.

Harry, I have my car in one side
and I use the other side for storage.

Lucille, you can't
have that much storage.

That's ridiculous.

Now, we'll Just
put it... right over.

What did I tell you?

I don't believe it.

You use the same filing system
at home that you do at the office.

Can I help it if I don't
have a basement?

I'm afraid you'll just have to
leave your car in your own garage.

- Oh no, no. No...
- Why not?

I wouldn't dare do that.

Well, two people on my block
have had their garages broken into

and their cars vandalized.

My neighborhood is getting to
be known as Hubcap Heaven.

Now, I'll be glad to keep it here,
Harry, but there just isn't room.

Oh yes, there is, We'll just
move your car out and mine in.

Oh no, you don't.

My car is practically brand
new and yours is 47 years old.

It happens to be a classic.

Classic what?

A Classic Rolls Royce that
is... all right, all right, Lucile,

we'll leave it out here.

But, you'll be sure
to cover it with this.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Standing outside all night,
it might develop the sniffles.

Don't worry, Harry, I'll tuck
it in and kiss it goodnight.

Lucille, please. Pay attention.

This is very important.

- Here are the keys.
- Yeah.

And I want you to call
my mechanic, Mr. Nickel,

- and have him pick
her up here tomorrow.
- Yeah, yeah.

- And I've made a list of all
the things I want him to do.
- All right.

You see, I'm entering it in the
Classic Car Show on Monday.

Oh? OK.

Good. All right.

Now, if you could
take me to the airport.

The airport?

Harry, I don't k
now if you know this,

but they have this little
yellow cars you could call

and they whisk you
right to the airport.

They also whisk
you right out of $10.

Gee, Lucy.

I'm so glad you talked
me into going to that class.

I really got a lot out
of today's lesson.

So did I.

- I got another dinner date with Jack.
- Yeah.

Oh I see the mechanic fixed Harry's
car and brought it back already.

The mechanic.

Mary Jane, I forgot
to call the mechanic.

Lucy, how could you?

It was easy.

I played hooky from
the office yesterday.

I went to the beauty
parlor instead.

Well, when the cat is away,
the mouse has her roots done.

Never mind.

I better call
Mr. Nickel right now.

Well, mechanics
don't work on Saturday.

- Are you sure?
- Sure. I'm sure.

Ugh!

Harry wanted his car all fixed

so he could enter it in the
Classic Car Show Monday.

Well, he's going to
be very annoyed, Lucy.

Annoyed?

I wouldn't be surprised if he
makes me lie down the street

and drives the car back
and forth all over me.

Well at least you'll
be run over in style.

Swell.

- Lucy!
- What?

Why don't you call Jack
and have him fix Harry's car?

He is a mechanic and I
know he'd do it for you.

Yeah, well, I would, but
he's out sailing this afternoon.

He left right after class.

Wait a minute.

Let's see what he
wanted Mr. Nickel to do.

"Change oil and filter.

Check points and plugs.

Tune up, replace fan belt.

Clean carburetor."

There doesn't seem to be
anything too complicated here.

We've studied all that stuff.

So?

So, we'll fix Harry's
car by ourselves.

We'll fix who's
which by our what?

We'll fix Harry's
car by ourselves.

Lucy! No!

Mary Jane, I'm in a bind.
Now, are you with me or not?

Well, I'm with you,

- but I think you're mind
has stripped its gears.
- Never mind. Now come on.

- But Lucy...
- You know we can do it...

Hi, did you get the oil?

Yeah.

The man at the filling station
let me borrow this old cart

to bring it in.

- Well, that was nice of them.
- Oh yes.

Did you get eight can?

- Oh, it's so heavy, honey.
- Yeah, I know.

There. That's good.

What do you bring
the phone down for?

Well, Jack is supposed to
call me when he gets home

- to let me know what time
our date is tonight.
- Oh.

OK. What do we do first?

- Well, first, you get the
owner's manual out of cubby box.
- OK.

Out of the what?

The cubby box.

Harry says that what's the
British call the glove compartment.

- I wonder if they keep
their cubbies in there.
- Oh, go on.

Find the manual

- and see if it says anything
about how you open this hood.
- All right.

I can't seem to...
oh... oh, here, here.

I see. I got it now.

Yeah, you find the manual?

Yeah, I got the manual.

- Good heavens.
- What?

- This doesn't look anything like
the engine we have at school.
- Really?

I'll take a look.

Oh!

Mary Jane!

I'm sorry.

- Ah...
- I'm sorry, Lucy.

Shoo!

Let me look at that.

Oh, yeah, look
at this, will you?

Oh... how are we ever
going to figure this out?

Maybe everything is reversed

because in England, they drive on
the wrong side of the road, you know.

Now, we're supposed to change the
oil and the oil was in the crankcase.

Yeah, what does that look like?

I don't know. I
flunked crankcase.

I was hoping you'd know.

Well, I do know.

Oh dear.

That's the
distributor, isn't it?

Why not?

Well, everybody get
that out of the way.

Screwdriver.

Pliers.

Wrench.

How are you coming, doc?

Well, I think I got it now.

Oops...

Oh Lucy. That looks awful.

I think we got a sick
distributor on our hands.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Now, where could
that crankcase be?

Gee, it's so hard to see
in here with all these wires.

Good heavens!

I've never seen so
many wires in my life.

Here, hang on to that, will you?

But, Lucy, do you think you
ought to be pulling out those wires?

No engine needs this much wire.

- Here.
- Why did they put them in there?

So, they could charge
more for the car.

There. There we are.

Well, good heavens.

No wonder Harry was
having trouble with this car.

There's a lot of loose
parts floating around in here.

You could hear the ocean.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Hey, I think I found
the crankcase.

Hurray! I'll get the oil.

Now, wait a minute.

You have to take out the old
oil before you put in the new oil.

I didn't know that.

Well, now, you do.

Would you get that old
roasting pan out of the garage.

I'll see if the manual says
where to drain the oil out.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You get it?

- Well, I should've known that.
- What?

There's a little doohickey
underneath the car that your turn.

I'm not going to lie
down under that car.

I just had my hair done.

I wasn't going to ask you
to lie down under the car.

This job requires an expert.

Well, who are we going to get?

Oh, you?

Yeah, me.

Now, then.

Now, once I get under
there, find that doohickey,

- you give me the pan, here.
- Yeah, OK.

- And be careful, Lucy.
- Yeah, I'll be careful.

I just gotta find
that little thing.

Hey!

- You know some?
- Yeah?

It's very fascinating
under here.

Yeah.

Did you find the doohickey yet?

Yeah, I found it.

Oh...

Well, now, Mary Jane,

I think we're all ready
to put it back together.

OK.

Where do we start?

Well, we'll just backwards.

We'll put in first
what we took out last.

Oh, that makes sense.

Is this what we took out last?

I don't think so. I've never
even seen that before.

Well, you took it out.

I did not. You must have.

I didn't take that out.

Well, if neither one of us
can remember taking it out,

it can't be very important.

So? What are putting first?

Well, let's see now.

Speaking from all of my
automotive background,

eeny-meeny-miny-moe.

Mary Jane, I do not know.

Lucy, what are you going to do?

I'm going to call Jack.

Yes, sir. I'm
going to tell Jack.

You see, Harry won't
be home until tomorrow.

And by that time, Jack will
have it all back together again.

He can do it tonight.

Paradise Yacht Club.

This is Lucille Carter speaking.

Yes. Will you have
Mr. Jack Scott call

as soon as he got to his boat?

Yes. Tell him it's an
emergency, please.

Thank you.

There.

Jack will fix the car and Harry
will never know the difference.

Lucy!

What if Jack's boat
capsizes and he's lost at sea?

Well, if you're trying to
cheer me up, that didn't work.

I'm just being realistic.

Well, don't bother.

Oh good, it's Jack.

Hello.

- Oh bad, it's Harry.
- Harry?

Harry, where are you?

Home?

He had the nerve
coming back here early.

Listen, Harry.

Yeah, well, why
don't you... Harry?

Harry?

He's coming by
to pick up his car.

Oh, he's going to need
an awful big basket.

Well, there's just
one thing to do.

I'll have to try to keep
Harry out of this backyard

until Jack gets the
car put back together.

Yeah right. Well, I'll
see you later, Lucy.

- Where are you going?
- Home.

You mean you aren't going
to stick around and help me?

I want to remember you just
as you are, all in one piece.

Mary Jane!

Oh!

Oh, Mary Jane!

- Hi, Harry.
- Hello, Lucille.

Well, dear, how was your flight?

Oh, it was oodles of fun.

The piano in the lounge broke
loose and pinned me to the wall

through two choruses
of Embraceable You.

Oh. That's a shame.

Tell me, did the
mechanic work on my car?

Well, Harry, as a matter of fact,
two mechanics worked on your car.

Oh good, good.

And then, my keys?

What do you want your keys for?

Well I want to go outside
and can start my car.

- Oh, oh.
- The keys, Lucille, the keys.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, your keys.

Now, where did I put those?

Why are stalling, Lucille?

You drove my new
car and wrecked it!

No, Harry, I did not drive
your car and wreck it.

Oh, thank heavens.

But you're right.

- You're right. I am stalling.
- Oh?

Because I...

I have something
on my mind, Harry.

I want to talk to you.

But can't it wait?

No, no. It can't.

Harry, we... we've known
each other a long time.

We certainly have.

Yes, well, I've always felt a
certain friendship for you, Harry,

but while you were gone,
I've realized something.

I care for you.

Well, that's very nice.

I care for you, too.

I mean, I really care, Harry.

Lucille, when you say, "care,"

I can only hope you
mean as in package?

No, I mean care as in... as in...
I've fallen in love with you, Harry.

I seem to be
suffering from jet lag.

Harry, I don't blame
you for being surprised,

but when you left town, I
actually began to miss you.

Oh, Harry, let's face it.

This is bigger than both of us.

It's just one of those sayings,
Harry, "There's no way I can fight it."

Have you tried a
whip on the chair?

- Harry, Harry, listen...
- Lucy!

I thought you said
there was an emergency.

You don't call this
an emergency?

Jack, you were supposed to
call me before you came over.

I can explain.

Well, I hope so.

So do I.

I'm waiting.

I'm thinking.

If you weren't so
much older than I am,

I'm going to ask
you to step outside.

Oh, thank you.
I've been outside.

I... Not that I'm afraid
of fighting, no sir.

It's just that I
wouldn't fight over her.

Well, that does it.

Now, I am going to
ask you to step outside.

I don't care how old you are.

Look, before you
punch the old gentleman,

I do think that you should meet.

Now, Harry, this is Jack Scott.

Jack, this is Harrison
Carter, my brother-in-law.

You were carrying on like
that with your brother-in-law?

Isn't it disgusting?

Oh, what's the use?

I guess I'll have
to tell the truth.

Yes, let's hear the truth.

All right. Harry,
you were right.

I was stalling until
Jack got here to help me

because I forgot to call
the mechanic for your car.

So, Mary Jane and I
took out the part ourselves

and then we couldn't
get it back together again.

You took the apart
my beautiful new car!

Yeah, but don't worry,
I have all the pieces.

Oh my dream boat.

Oh, I'm coming. Oh,
did they hurt you?

So help me, I'll
m*rder someone...

Oh, my dream boat. My new car.

Oh, my beautiful car.

What have they done to you?

What have they done?

Oh... oh no.

Oh, how you must have suffered.

Oh, I loved it
and she k*lled it.

Oh, I'm sorry, Harry. I
didn't mean any harm.

Now, Mr. Carter,
it is no problem.

No problem? Look!

- This car is my specialty.
- Really your specialty?

Yeah, Jack is a mechanic and
everything is going to be OK, Harry.

Jack can put it all
back together again.

Oh good, good.

When he's finished,

he can put you all
back together again!