06x01 - Lucy and Danny Thomas

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy

Starring: Lucille Ball

Co-starring: Gale Gordon

Would you help me, please?

May I be of help?

Oh, would you please
put my easel there?

- Here.
- Sorry.

- Here, this little table
off my hand.
- Thank you.

Good going, thank you.

Are you an artist?

No, no. I'm William Barkley.

- I own the gallery.
- Oh.

My plaza here is
used as sort of a studio

by most of the local artist.

I like to encourage their work.

Your encouraging seems
to be getting results.

You know, I just noticed
that is a marvelous painting.

Oh, tha... that is the
work of Danny Gallupi.

- He is a very gifted man.
- Oh.

He is not very friendly, is he?

Oh, you have noticed
that already, huh.

Yeah, I sure did.

He is about as
temperamental as his talent.

You see, he feels
unappreciated because

his painting is worth a
lot more than he gets.

Oh, that's too bad.

What he probably needs is
someone to bring him out of his shell.

Hmm. That could be.

- Well, thank you very much,
Mr. Barkley.
- Not at all.

- It's nice meeting you.
- Thank you. I'll see you later.

Mr. Gallupi.

Yeah.

Mr. Gallupi, I just
want to tell you that

I love your
painting of the ship.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's for sale.

Oh, well.

I wouldn't think of spending
money for a painting

now that I'm an artist myself.

Oh. Then, what do
you want from me?

Oh, well, I thought maybe I
could watch you for awhile.

You know, I might
pick a few pointers.

You see, I'm sort of
new of being an artist.

I paint by numbers.

You do what?

I paint by numbers.
It's for beginners.

For instance, this
area is eight; that's red.

Seven is blue. Ten
is yellow and so on.

Lady,

why don’t you go find
yourself a bingo parlor.

Mr. Gallupi, why do you
have to be so unfriendly?

I don't like you.

You don't even know me.

I know, and I want
to keep it that way.

- Harry!
- Oh.

Harry, I'm sorry.

Oh good heavens.

What are you doing here?

What am I... what
are you doing here?

Well, I'm trying to
learn how to paint.

Pictures or people?

- I'm painting landscapes.
- Oh.

Oh, all right. That's fine.

You look terrible. You
look like you got a disease.

Well, with you around... well...

I didn't know you're
interested in art.

I'm not. I'm not,

but I've been advised
that a good artwork

is a very sound investment.

- Oh, listen, Harry.
- Hmm.

If you're looking for
a good investment,

Mr. Barkley who owns
this gallery said that

that artist's work is worth a
great deal more than he gets.

- He did?
- Yeah, well...

- Oh, wait a minute.
- All right. Fine. Thanks...

Thanks for the tip.

Listen, Harry, before you
investment any money,

why don’t you wait 'til
I finish my landscape?

I don't think I'd be interested

as much as you remind
me of Grandma Moses.

Sir? Hey, Mr. Painter.

Yeah.

I'd like to talk to you
about that picture.

What picture?

Well, that picture.

It's not a picture.
It's a painting.

That's ah...
well... well... yeah.

Well, that's, uh...
it's a very pretty boat.

It's not a boat. It's a ship.

Well... uh, well,
whatever... whatever.

- The price is $200.
- $200.

But it's not for sale.

But it says right
on the corner...

It's not for sale to you.

But I have the $200.

Look. I have too much integrity

to sale my art to some clown

who doesn't know a
painting from a picture

or a boat from a ship.

- $300.
- Get lost.

$500.

Mister, you just bought
yourself a picture of a boat.

Oh. You want that?

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Lucille. Lucille.
- Hmm.

What do you think?
My first investment,

what about it?

Magnificent.

Yeah. It should
be. I paid $500 for it.

- 500?
- 500.

Congratulations, Mr. Carter.

Tha... that may sound
like a lot of money,

but as an
experienced art dealer,

I can tell you that
is a very good price.

- You see.
- Oh, great.

Great. I'm so excited.

I'll probably stay awake
all night looking at it.

Oh, I doubt that.

Now that you made a good
buy, you'll sleep like a baby.

Yeah, I better take it home.

- Yeah, bye, bye, Harry.
- Good bye.

Thank you. Bye.

Gee. That Mr. Gallupi
must make a fortune.

Oh, not Gallupi. No, no.

He won't paint another thing
'til all that money is gone.

- What?
- Uh-hmm.

Look.

You see.

Oh, that's a shame
wasting all that talent.

Well, I've talked him
about it. He just won't listen.

Well, if he won't listen to you,

maybe he'll listen
to a fellow artist.

Possibly.

Mr. Gallupi.

What's the matter?
You run out of numbers?

Mr. Barkley told me how
you just paint and make a sale,

and then you don't paint again
until all your money runs out.

So?

Well, now, maybe it's
none of my business,

but do you realize that you are
wasting a very precious talent.

You know, lady, what
you say is partly right.

- You admit I'm right.
- That's right

especially the part where
it's none of your business.

Mr. Gallupi, I think people
are everybody's business.

It's like that song
"People who need people

are the luckiest
people in the world."

Ah, for goodness sake.

If I'm so lucky, how
come I met you?

I don't understand how a
man who paints so beautifully

can be so mean and so bitter.

Why don't you go back to
your number racket, huh?

You don't know
anything about painting.

Very few artists are appreciated
while they're still living.

Uh, think Van Gogh,
Gauguin, Mugnaini.

They all worked all their
lives and died penniless.

You mean they didn't make
any money while they were alive?

No.

I had to pick the only profession
where a guy is better off dead.

Mr. Gallupi.

Mr. Gallupi.

Good morning, Mrs. Carter.

Good morning, Mr. Barkley.

Pardon me but are
you in mourning?

Oh, my deepest condolences.
Someone close to you?

Close to both of
us, Mr. Barkley.

It's here in the
obituary column,

Danny Gallupi.

Danny Gallup...

Oh, this is terrible. I
just don't believe it.

You don't?

Well, tha... tha... there
must be some mistake.

No. No, no, no.

I was with him
when the end came.

How did it happen?

Uh, well, we had dinner
together last night and we had fish.

And with his fish,

Danny wanted some white wine.

Well, naturally.

Yeah, well, uh,

but, uh, by mistake, he
drank a bottle of paint thinner.

Paint thinner?

He just faded away.

This is tragedy.

When is the funeral?

Oh, uh, Danny... Danny
didn't believe in funerals.

- Well, at least I can go to the
mortuary to pay my respect.
- No, no.

- You can't do that. No.
- No.

You see, he had made arrangements
to have his body dispose of

by the Department of Sanitation.

Department of Sanitation?

Maybe he thought
he could be recycled.

This is tragic.

It's terrible that the
public should be deprived

- of such a great talent.
- Yeah.

With your help, Mr. Barkley,
his talent can live on.

Just before the end came,

he gave me these paintings
and this note for you.

"Dear Barkley, I hereby authorize
you the dispose of my paintings.

All money accrued
from the sales,

I bequeath to my brother,
Giuseppe Gallupi of Naples, Italy."

Yeah, I've already
cabled his brother

so that he can come to
America and settle his estate.

Well, you've been a
good friend, Mrs. Carter.

So, have you, Mr. Barkley.

He liked you.

I liked him.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have
your attention over here, please.

Please gather for just a second.

Fellow artists, I have
some very sad news.

Our beloved colleague,
Danny Gallupi,

has gone to that big
canvass in the sky.

He was a man who
was never so busy,

but he could stop to
mend a child's broken toy

or a sparrow's broken wing

or to help some forgetful little
squirrel locate a hidden nut.

Why did it have to be him?

Please, Mrs. Carter.

With his passing, the sun
will be a little less bright,

the flowers are
little less fragrant,

the gladiolus a
little less glad.

Because of Danny
Gallupi's indomitable spirit,

I just can't believe he is gone.

Well, you certainly
convinced me.

Come in.

Danny?

- What?
- Aaaah!

Oh, Danny.

Why are you hiding back there?

I'm supposed to be
dead. Remember.

It was your idea.

Oh, yeah, and Danny,
it's working beautifully.

Mr. Barkley sold your
three paintings for $5,000.

Only 5,000?

Well, you've only
been dead a day.

Art collectors are begging
for more of your paintings.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Danny, when Mr. Barkley
heard you were dead,

he called everyone together

and gave you the
most beautiful eulogy.

He did?

Yeah. I've had such
a great cry in years.

Well, what did he say?

He said how good you were
to little children and to birds

and how you helped the
squirrels find their nuts.

And then, Danny,
he said with you gone,

the sun would be
a little less bright,

the flowers a
little less fragrant,

and the gladiolus
a little less glad.

Lucy?

Please Lucy, don't cry.

Look at me, I'm alive.

Oh, I'm so glad.

You don't know how
we missed you, Danny.

Well, I'm here now so cheer up.

What do you say we celebrate
and I'll take you out to dinner?

Oh, no, no. There
isn't time for dinner.

From on, it's going
to be work, work, work.

Hey! I've been working
all day. I'm starved.

Well, you don't have
time to eat, Danny.

Don't you understand?

- We got to make it
while you're still dead.
- Oh.

Now, back to work,
back to work, boy.

Work, work, work.

- Come on, Danny. Come on.
- All right. All right.

You don't know
how wonderful it is.

They love you,
Danny. They love you.

Fine, fine.

Oh. You only work on
one painting at a time.

Of course.

- That won't do. Come on.
- What?

- Start another one.
- What are you talking about?

Come on. You can
do two at one time.

Come on, Danny.

- Come on. Start another one.
- Two at one time.

- Start a beauty.
- I'll start a beauty.

Yeah. Come on.

Don't forget that one.

I won't forget anything, Lucy.

What it's going to be,
Danny? What it's going to be?

- How do I know
what it's going to be.
- Come on, let me see.

You can see it when it's
later. Later when it's finished.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, Danny. Yeah.

Yeah, Danny, you
got to work faster.

Lucy! I only got two hands!

Shh.

Boy.

I was better off
when I was alive.

What are you doing?

Use your feet. They'll
buy anything you paint.

- My feet!
- Come on, Danny Boy.

- Go to work.
- You got to be kidding.

Come on, Danny. Let's see it.

Let's see it,
Danny. Let’s see it.

It's going to be beautiful.

Oh, wonderful. Don't
forget the other two.

Come on, it's
going to be beautiful.

Cover this canvass, it's
going to be beautiful, though.

Go boy, go.

Oh, that's wonderful, Danny.

Stay with the other one.

Don't forget the other one.

Don't forget the other, Danny.

Oh, that is a beauty.

Come on, boy, go, go, go.

Come on, Danny. Come on, Danny.

Danny.

Danny... Danny.

What?

- Danny, - What?

You promised me you
wouldn't stop working.

Oh, Lucy, I couldn't help it.

I really got exhausted.

This is the first time I ever
got writer's cramp on my toes.

- Oh, I want to tell you
it was worth it.
- Yeah?

Yes.

You know that the canvasses
you painted with your feet

sold more than the ones
you painted with your hands.

It only proves
those art collectors

don't know one
end from the other.

Danny, I want to tell you the
exhibition at the plaza tonight

was sensational.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Mr. Barkley has a
check for you for $20,000.



That's why you can't
stop now. Come on, baby.

Lucy.

- Come on, Danny.
- Oh, come on. What a minute, Lucy.

I got just enough strength
left for just one more painting,

but I'd like it be something
that I've always wanted to do.

I mean something that
I'll really be proud of,

the one art form that
I never tried before.

What's that?

A full figure portrait.

Oh, Danny, that sounds exciting.

Whose portrait are
you going to do?

Portrait of a wonderful lady.

Who?

You.

Me?

I can't think of a
lovelier subject.

Oh, Danny. Oh, Danny.

This is the most flattering
thing that ever happened to me.

When do we start?

Right now, sweetheart.

You go right behind that curtain

and take your clothes off.

Do what?

Take your clothes off.

I have never been
so insulted in my life.

Oh, come on. Don't be a square.

I'm not square.

Well then take your clothes off.

I am not taking my clothes off

just so you can see
that I'm not square.

There's nothing
personal about this.

Ha!

Lucy, this is
strictly professional.

I'm an artist. You're
posing for a portrait.

Why does it have to
be a nude painting?

Because the truly great
portraits of women were nude.

Oh, yeah. What about
Weasley's mother?

That's different.

Weasley wouldn't ask an old
lady to sit on a cold rocking chair.

- Now, come on.
- I am not getting undressed.

- OK, OK. So, don't get undressed.
- I'm not.

- OK.
- All right.

Oh, you women, you k*ll
me with your false modesty,

you know that?

You really do k*ll me.

- You know why the statue of Venus
de Milo doesn't have any arms?
- Why?

Because the sculptor
didn't want her doing this.

Danny, if I don't sit
down pretty soon,

I'm going to fall down.

Just hang in there, kid.
We're nearly finished.

Come on, Danny.

- I'm finished, honestly,
one second.
- Really?

I've done it. I've done it.

I've done it, lady.

That's a masterpiece.

Can I see it?

Oh, take a look. Take a look.

It's a masterpiece.

Look at it, sweetheart.

- Just drink it in, baby.
- Oh.

What's the matter?

What happened to my dress?

You got it on.

Then why isn't on me there?

Because I was
creating a work of art,

not an ad for some dress
sale on a bargain basement.

That's why.

Well, I hope you don't think
I'm going to allow myself

to be seen like that in public.

Oh, stop being so
sensitive. That isn't you.

Just the face is yours.

The body I made up out
of my own imagination.

Why do you hit me for?

That is my body.

Yeah?

Boy, you must be a
better put together chick

than I thought you were.

I don't care what you thought.

This portrait is not
going out of this room.

That portrait would
bring in a fortune.

I don't care.

- All right. I got an idea.
- What?

Supposed I paint
in a little drape effect

so your modesty
won't be offended.

- A drape effect?
- Yeah.

- Could you do that?
- Sure.

Look when I get
through with this thing,

I swear to you, it'll have
an entirely different look.

Oh, wonderful, Danny. Wonderful.

Let me see now.

- Danny?
- What?

Remember, you really
don't have to go overboard.

Giuseppe.

Good morning, Mrs. Carter.

Hello, Mr. Barkley.

Mr. Barkley, this
is Giuseppe Gallupi,

the brother of the deceased.

Oh, how do you do?

[speaking foreign]

I brought him over so he
could collect the money

from Danny's sales.

Oh, I have here a
certified check for $20,000.

Grazie, grazie.

But first, I must have
some identification.

[speaking foreign]

Pardon me.

[speaking foreign]

I no understand what you mean.

Identi... identi... it's because
I no done to anything.

No. I mean do you have anything

that will prove that
you're Danny's brother?

Oh, you want me to
show you something

to prove I'm his brother?

That's right.

How about you like
to take a look at that?

You're his brother all right.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

$20,000.

- Isn't it nice.
- Yeah, nice.

You may very well be proud
of your brother, Mr. Gallupi.

He was not only a great talent.

He was a wonderful man.

Si, Si. I know.

He was never too
busy to stop a work

to fix a little kid's broken toy

or to help the squirrels
to find their nuts.

Mr. Barkley, I have here
Danny Gallupi's last painting.

Another painting,
oh, that's wonderful.

It was his favorite, his
first full figure portrait.

You know, I have
dozens of clients

who have been begging
for another painting.

Ladies and gentlemen,
may I have your attention

over here for a moment please.

I have some very important news.

Oh, hi, Harry.

Oh, hello, Lucille.

Harry, I'd like you to
meet Giussepe Gallupi,

the brother of the late
artist, Danny Gallupi.

[speaking foreign]

What?

[speaking foreign]

Oh.

You know, I recently bought
a picture from your brother.

She's a no picture.
She's a painting.

Oh well...

Folks, I have some very
exciting news for our art patrons.

We've uncovered another
painting by the late great guy Gallupi.

His last work of art,
perhaps his most important.

His only full figure portrait.

I'll give you a
thousand dollars for it.

Two thousand.

Three thousand.

This is amazing. They're
betting on a painting

that hasn't been unveiled yet.

All right, what else do I hear.

Four thousand.

Five thousand.

Seven thousand.

Eight thousand.

Ten thousand.

Mr. Carter bids $10,000.

Harry, are you sure you
know what you're doing?

I've already been
offered five thousand

for the boat he painted.

She is not a boat.
She is a ship.

$10,000.

Sold to Mr. Carter for $10,000.

I got it. I got it.

Oh, boy, did you get it.

- There's your check.
- Thank you.

Would you mind if I
unveiled this portrait

in view of interested in it.

By all means, I'd
like to see it myself.

I've been robbed.

$10,000 for an
oil painting of you.

If I'm going to hang
you, it won't be on a wall.

I want my money back.

Mr. Carter, you bid
on this sight unseen

of your own free will.

You kept it out
of site on purpose.

Boy, did I buy a pig in a poke.

A pig in a poke?

[speaking Italian]

Pig in a poke. That's no way
to talk about this beautiful lady

I'd tell what I'm going
to do, Mr. Pig in a poke.

I'm going to buy back that
painting from you with your $10,000.

Eleven thousand.

Twelve thousand.

Thirteen.

Fifteen thousand.

Twenty thousand.

[speaking foreign]

I bid 30,000.

Sold to Mr. Gallupi for $30,000.

Here's your money.

Now take your
big fat belly and go.

You better not talk like
that about this nice lady.

Hey, under the arm.

Come on. We go.

Danny. Danny.

- Danny, wait a minute.
- What?

Do you realize you
spent your entire fortune

for one of your own paintings?

I don't care.

I always say when you
see something I really like,

buy it,

and I really like you.

Thank you, Danny.