06x08 - Lucy and Andy Griffith

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy

Starring: Lucille Ball

Co-starring: Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz

♪ I'll fly away, oh Glory

♪ I'll fly away in the morning

♪ When I die
Hallelujah, by and by

♪ I'll fly away

♪ I'll fly away, oh Glory

♪ I'll fly away in the morning

♪ When I die
Hallelujah, by and by

♪ I'll fly away fly away

♪ I'll fly away

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, friends.

And on behalf of our
Right Path Youth Camp,

I'd like now to ask
you to open your hearts

and your pocket books.

Remember, no donations too small

or too big either for that
matter if the spirit moves you.

Your help is sorely needed

to care for homeless
youngsters in need of guidance

and rehabilitation.

Thank you.

Well, Andy, all
we got is 38 cents.



Well, it's still a step forward.

Not a giant step but a step.

Oh, here's a little something.

$5!

Praise the Lord!

Thank you, ma'am.
That's more than generous.

It sure is.

In fact, I'm going to have
to ask you for some change.

Well, the Lord giveth
and the Lord taketh away.

Henry... how much change
do you want, ma'am?

Oh, just a dollar,

just so I can get some gas if I
need some on the way home.

Well, a dollar is a
far cry from 38 cents.

Yeah.

Anybody got a dollar?

Not since I reformed.

Well, why don't we go
over to that restaurant

- and get some change.
- OK.

OK. Excuse me.

Why don't you kids
go on back to the motel

and I'll talk to you later, huh?

- OK.
- OK.

- All right.
- Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

And now listen,
behave yourselves.

- OK.
- OK.

Say, I certainly admire
your interest in those kids.

I've got a couple of kids
my own about that age.

Oh,

you know, you look very young
to have children that grown up.

Oh. Well, thank you

but you're still going to have
to give me a dollar change.

Tell me, Mr. Johnson,

how did you get involved in
the kind of work you're doing?

Well, after college, I
did a hitch in the service

and then when I came
home from overseas,

on the account of
my military training,

they made me a sheriff.

A sheriff?

Yeah.

And then after a few years
of having to put people in jail,

I thought I'd like to try my
hand at keeping them out of jail.

Uh-huh.

Is that when you
started your youth camp?

Yes, ma'am.

My father left me
some farm acreage

and I wanted to put
it to good use so...

Oh.

Well, from the way the
collection went tonight,

you must have trouble
making ends meet.

Yeah, sometimes.

See, most folks don't
even know about us.

No, I never heard of you before.

Yeah. Well, see, the big charities,
they can reach millions of people

through TV

and that way, they are sure
of getting a lot of donations.

Oh, yeah.

Say, maybe I could help.

How?

Well, my daughter Kim
works for a talent agency

and she has a friend, Bill Adams

who has a TV show
that does feature stories

about things going
on around town.

Now, maybe she could
get him to come down

and do a feature telecast
about your youth camp.

Oh my, a chance
to be seen like that

would sure help put us across.

Well, Kim is spending
the weekend with me now.

I'll talk to her
when I get home.

Ah.

You know, you're really
something special, lady.

My name is not lady. It's Lucy.

Lucy.

That's right, Andy.

Oh.

Lucy, I don't know how to
thank you for all your generosity.

Well, I'm glad to help you with
the kind of work you're doing.

You know, you really can
be very proud of yourself.

Oh, thank you.

And your wife must be
very proud of you too.

Oh, I'm not married.

Oh.

I mean, oh.

Well, I guess I just
took it for granted

that an attractive
man like yourself

who likes kids would be.

Oh, no.

No, I haven't given marriage
much thought in recent years.

Although at one
time, I came that close.

- Oh?
- Yeah.

What happened?

Well, this girl Alice and I

were planning to be married

and it was one of these
big church weddings,

you know, where you rehearse
a couple of days before.

Yeah.

Well, I used to be kind of shy
and I asked my friend Charlie.

- Charlie?
- Charlie.

- He was my best man.
- Oh.

I asked him to substitute
for me at the rehearsals see,

so that I can watch him
and learn the right moves.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, Alice and Charlie,
they got to rehearsing

and they got real good at it.

In fact, about the fourth time

when they got to the part
where the groom kisses the bride,

I thought they weren't
going to come up for air.

You mean your fiancé and
your best friend Charlie...

Oh, oh, now, now, women just
couldn't help taken to Charlie.

Well... how can you
still call Charlie a friend?

Well, he didn't mean
anything personal about it.

In fact, he even paid
me for the ring I bought.

Well, now that was big of him.

Oh yeah.

The way it happened, I
really couldn't blame Charlie.

Well, I was a little
disappointed in Alice.

I hope you told her off.

Oh, I'm not much
of a tell-her-offer.

However, I will admit
that after the wedding,

I didn't get in line
to kiss the bride.

I should hope not.

But I did stick around to
shake hands with Charlie.

Well, did losing
Alice discourage you

from being interested
in other women?

I used to think so.

I used to think so but
right now, I'm not so sure.

Although, I do have to admit
that Alice was really something.

Oh, what did she look like?

Well, let me put it this way.

If Alice was a little
prettier, she'd look like you.

Oh...

Just like you...
a little prettier.

Uncle Harry.

Good morning, Kim dear.

Would you care
for some breakfast?

No thanks. I've
already had breakfast.

I came here hoping I'd find you.

Oh, what's up?

Well, I'm worried about mother.

What now?

Uncle Harry, you know
what a do-gooder she is.

A do-gooder?

I can't remember her
ever doing me any good.

Uncle Harry, now,
this is serious.

My mother came
home very late last night

and she was all starry-eyed.

- Starry-eyed?
- Yeah.

She met some charity worker.

A man named Andy Johnson

and she wants me
to use my influence

to get him on a television show.

So what's the problem?

Well, just suppose this
charity isn't on the level?

Suppose he's just using mom
to get his television show on?

Well now, just how
involved is she?

Well, I think her interest
in him is more than platonic

and I do know that he told
her she was very attractive.

The man sounds
totally dishonest.

Where did your mother meet him?

Last night in the park.

In the park?

He was trying to raise money.

Doing what?

He's trying to get some
money for some runaway kids.

What does he do, sell them?

Oh, Uncle Harry, mother
says he runs a youth camp

for kids about my age
who need guidance.

Well, it's too bad he
can't raise the age limit

because your mother
certainly needs guidance.

Now, listen Uncle Harry,

what if I go down to this park

and get acquainted with this man

and investigate his charity
without him even knowing it.

Uh-huh.

But wait a minute,

suppose your mother shows up

and sees you around there?

Well, couldn't you keep her
working really late tonight?

Ooh, I suppose...

I must say, I'm not very
happy with your plan.

Don't worry Uncle Harry,
I can take care of myself.

It's not you I'm
concerned about.

Then what?

If I keep your mother
working after-hours,

I'll have to pay
her time and a half.

Uncle Harry!

Well, it mounts up.

♪ Fly, fly away

♪ I'll fly away, oh Glory

♪ I'll fly away in the morning

♪ When I die
Hallelujah, by and by

♪ I'll fly away Fly away

♪ I'll fly away

Thank you friends. Thank you.

But now, we need
a little something

for the needy youngsters.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Anything you can spare.

Thank you for our youth camp.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Well g*ng, we're
doing a little better.

Folding money, huh.

- Hey!
- Hey!

Let me go! Let me go!

Hey, hold it, hold it, hold it.

Take it easy. Don't
rub up the little lady.

You just take it
easy, take it easy.

I'll take care of it.

Go ahead and
gather up your stuff.

- All right.
- Go ahead.

Ugh.

Will you just hold still?
Will you just hold still?

Just hold still?

Well, anybody strong as
you ought to be out working

instead of stealing.

What do you mean stealing?

I thought you said
it was for the needy.

- So?
- So?

What do I look like,
Jackie Onassis?

Well, I appreciate
your argument lady

but you don't grab, you
wait until you're given.

I was just trying to take the
bureaucracy out of welfare.

Any trouble here?

No officer, just a
friendly discussion

on the disbursement
of public funds.

Why don't all of you go on back?

I'll take care of
this. Go ahead.

All right. See you later.

- See you later.
- Uh-huh.

Say, how come you didn't
turn me in to the cops?

In my line of work, I
don't like to get involved

with the police.

Mm-hmm.

You must be pretty desperate
taking money like that.

Hmm, you'd be desperate
too if you had my hang-ups.

I think we better have a
little talk with your parents.

Where do they live?

They don't live there anymore.

What kind of answer is that?

Well, they used to live
there but they moved.

Where did they move to?

They won't tell me.

Your own parents won't
tell you where they live?

No.

But if I know my father,
I'll bet it's near a racetrack.

What's your parent's name?
I'm sure we can locate them.

Don't bother.

Look, I don't want
to be around them.

They keep fighting all the time.

Look, who's your father?

That's what they
keep fighting about.

You know something,

you impress me as somebody
who likes to exaggerate

just a little bit.

Now look, I'm telling you,
they don't care about me.

All my father cares
about is gambling.

What about your mother?

Oh, she's worse than he is.

She's always
running off to church.

Well, it's no wonder the
poor woman turned to prayers.

She doesn't go there to pray.

She goes to play bingo.

Oh.

Well, maybe our youth camp

can offer you a
healthier environment.

I don't see any youth
camp around here.

No, it's not here. It's
up in Northern California.

Oh.

Yeah, it's just
the kind of place

that might give you a
better outlook on life.

Is that where you're
taking me now?

No. Our group has to
stay in town another night.

So where are you taking me?

First, we'll get you
something to eat.

And then?

And then we'll find you
some place to sleep.

Alright, here you
are, young lady.

Make yourself right at home.

Listen, when you told me you're
going to find me a place to sleep,

I didn't think it was going
to be this kind of a setup.

Well now, I admit it isn't much

but at least it's a
roof over your head.

You get away from that door.

You're going to get a
lamp over your head.

Well now, just a minute, ma'am.

Before you start
getting any ideas,

I brought you up here
because you need some help.

You come any closer and
I'll start screaming for it.

Will you please listen?

You should be ashamed of
yourself out there on that street corner

acting holier-than-thou.

Then, dragging me up
to this cheap motel room...

Now, hold it, hold
it, hold it, hold it.

Now, I figure you
can sleep right there.

I'll take a pillow and
bed down in the hall.

Right here is a shirt but you
can wear it for a night gown.

It's clean.

Look. It has been real
nice knowing you mister

but I don't want to do
you out of your pad.

So if you don't
mind, I'll just split.

I do mind.

Look, my mother is going
to be very worried about me.

Ah-ha!

Ah!

I thought you said your mother
was always playing bingo.

Yeah. Well, I...

Ah-ha, ah-ha, you're
staying right here.

- Oh.
- Right here.

And if it will make
you feel any better,

you can take this key and
lock the door from the inside.

And you're going to sleep
out in the hall on the hard floor?

That's right.

Hey, wait a minute.

How do I know you
don't have another key?

Young lady,

I'm just about fed
up with your tall tales

and your insinuations.

You're not too
big to be spanked,

do you know that?

You wouldn't dare.

Oh, wouldn't I?

Maybe this will just put a
little sense in your head.

Ow! Ow! That's not my hand.

Ow!

That hurt!

Now, I'm sorry that hurts.

Now, I'm not a man
who believes in violence

but your attitude young lady,

I never one minute

meant for us to spend
the night in the same room.

I hope you won't
think too poorly of me

for the way I reacted.

I'm glad about the
way you reacted.

I love you for it.

Please ma'am, please.

I can't cope with
demonstrative women.

Now, maybe I better
just take this key

and lock the door
from the outside.

That way, we'll both be safe.

Come in.

Hi.

Oh, Lucy. Come on in.

Thank you.

How did you know
where to find me?

Oh, my daughter
told me where you live.

Your daughter?

Yeah.

She met you in
the park last night

and she told me
you were a nice man.

Oh, I see she told you too.

There must be some mistake.

No, I know her handwriting.

But Lucy, the girl
who was here last night

couldn't be your daughter.

She was a real
mixed up ding-a-ling.

That's my daughter.

You see, Andy,
she was play acting.

Play acting, why?

Well, when I got
home the other night,

I told her all about
you and your charity

and when she realized
how interested I was in you,

well, without even telling me...

Oh, oh, she decided
to check me out.

Yeah.

I hope you won't
hold it against her.

Oh. Well, no, of course not.

I mean, I admire a girl who
looks out for her mother.

Well, she was looking
out for you too, Andy.

- For me?
- Yeah.

Tonight, her friend Bill
Adams I told you about

is going to do a TV feature
with you and your group

and make it a big
production number.

And he wants to see
you about it right away.

Oh. Lucy, that's terrific.

That's just terrific.

- Isn't that great?
- Oh my.

I've been praying
for a chance like this,

just praying for it

and now that it's
really here, I'm...

I'm scared, that's what I am.

You're what?

I'm scared.

I've never been on TV before.

Andy, this is no time
to get stage fright.

Now look, maybe if I
rehearse you a little,

you'd be more comfortable.

Could you do that?

Yeah, yeah, now
just make believe...

just make believe that
the camera is on you.

All cameras, my knees
are shaking already.

Well, now there's
one way to fix that.

You just stiffen your legs,
keep your feet together,

close together.

Now, stand up straight,
just relax, that's better.

Now, when you
address the audience,

you pretend that they're
right in the room with you.

You just completely forget
that you're on television.

Forget that I'm on television.

- That's right, just forget it.
- Forget it.

Don't care. What do I say?

Oh, something friendly like,

hello out there
in television land.

That ain't going
to help me forget.

Well, no but it warms
up the audience.

- Oh, oh, oh...
- Go ahead now.

Hello out there
in television land.

No, no, no, tell them, not me.

Oh.

Hello out there
in television land.

Yeah. Now, tell them
what you want to tell them

about your organization.

Oh. Well, my friends,

we're here to tell you
about this organization.

- Yeah, what about it?
- Well, I mean, it's...

What's it about? What's
your organization about?

It's about... we're an
organization that's about...

What's it for?

For helping young
people to try to help...

Look, Andy, if your
hands are bothering you,

just put them behind you.

Behind me. Yes, ma'am.

Yeah. Now, look into the camera.

- The camera is right out here.
- OK.

And speak up.

Hello out there
in television land!

No, no, no.

No. Not that loud.

- Just natural.
- Natural.

Yes, yes.

Lucy, this going to be really
hard for me to be natural

with cameras staring at me

and talking to the
microphone and everything.

Oh, just imagine the camera
is like a person you're talking to

and you're not even going to
be aware of the microphone.

Look, it's about the
size of this pencil

and it goes around your neck.

Look, maybe I can
give you an idea.

You're not even going to
know that you have it on.

Put it on now so
you get used to it.

Now, how does that feel?

Like I was about to be hanged.

Well, you look it.
Now, don't be so grim.

Let's see a smile.

No, a real smile.

Say cheese.

Cheese.

Oh, come on, make
good those dimples.

Come on, you've
got beautiful dimples.

Yeah, that's it.

Now, Andy, I'm
going to introduce you

and I want to see
you put it all together.

Now, you've got your camera,
you've got your microphone,

alright, now, here he
is, Mr. Andy Johnson.

Hello out there
in television land.

No, no, no. Not into the mic.

No, no, the mic
will pick up anybody.

You just look out there.

Now, legs together,

hands back of you, chin up,

not too high.

Now, think cheese. Now, say it.

Cheese!

- No, no, no, your speech.
- Oh.

- Now, your speech, Andy.
- OK.

- Alright, now here he is,
Andy Johnson.
- OK.

Hello out there
in television land.

That's it! You're
going to be wonderful.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

Now, come on let's
go, they're waiting.

OK. Can I have just a
second or two to shave?

- Yeah but make it fast.
- OK. OK.

Oh, I'm out of shaving cream.

Well, that doesn't
seem to be any problem.

Here we are.

Tonight, our spotlight is on a
very worthwhile organization

that needs your help.

And here, representing
the Right Path Youth Camp

is its founder,

Mr. Andy Johnson.

Yea!

Andy, that's your microphone.

Oh, oh.

Ah... hello out there
in television land.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Johnson is more
of a doer than a talker

so I'd like to appeal to
you to give your support

to Mr. Johnson's
Right Path Youth Camp.

And while you're
calling in your donations,

Andy and his group would
like to express musically

the kind of philosophy

that makes his Youth
Camp such a worthy cause.

Take it away Andy.

♪ I'm going to write a song

♪ That the whole
wide world can sing

♪ It's going to be about sunshine
and praise every living thing

♪ It's going to be about love

♪ The one thing the
world needs a lot more of

♪ I'm going to write a song

♪ That the whole
wide world can sing

♪ Now our fathers
had only faith in God

♪ And the will to
make a nation strong

♪ So the old time religion
could help them find a better way

♪ Now, we need more soul saving

♪ And a lot more
people flag waving

♪ There's no better
time to start than today

♪ So, I'm going to write a song

♪ That the whole
wide world can sing

♪ It's going to
be about sunshine

♪ And praise every living thing

♪ It's going to be about love

♪ The one thing the
world needs a lot more of

♪ I'm going to write a song

♪ That the whole
wide world can sing