06x15 - Lucy Is a Bird-Sitter

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy

Starring: Lucille Ball

Co-starring: Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz

Hi, Lucy.

Oh, listen Vonda,
I have to hang up.

Mary Jane just walked
in. I'll talk to you later.

Hi, girl.

Well, you're certainly cool.

How did you know I wasn't Harry

coming in to catch
you goofing off?

I happen to have an arrangement
with Sam in the coffee shop.

When he sees Harry
come through the lobby,

he calls me with a grouch alert.

You know, Harry is on
a very long lunch hour.

Yeah, he's eating at the zoo.

- At the zoo?
- Yeah.

It's a luncheon meeting for
friends of the Los Angeles Zoo.

Oh.

Well, listen, the
reason I came down,

my boss gave me two tickets
to the Music Center tonight, free

and they're giving a play
starring Charlton Heston,

do you want to go?

Oh, I would love it.

- I'm crazy about Charlton Heston.
- Oh well, who isn't?

Listen. After the show,
maybe we can go backstage

and I can get him to
autograph my program.

Now, Lucy, I'm going to
have to ask somebody else

if you're going to act
like an over-aged groupie.

All right. I won't ask
for his autograph.

Is it all right if I
get goose bumps?

- Goose bumps, I don't mind.
- OK.

I'll see you at 7:30.

- OK, baby.
- OK, honey.

- Thank you.
- Bye.

What do you want now, Mary Jane?

I wanted to see how you
work when I'm not here.

Harry.

I came up the fire escape.

Sam didn't see me.

All right. How did you
find out about that?

Well, it was very easy.

Everyone in the coffee shop
knows about the grouch alert.

All right Lucille, back
to work, to work, to work.

Oh.

Oh, yes. Speaking of work,
I have a job for you Lucille

and I think it's going
to be oodles of fun.

Harry, whenever you
use that tone of voice,

it usually I'm in for
some very bad oodles.

Not at all, no.

At the luncheon today,

they announced that Sir
Osbird Beechman Place

from Neiafu, Vava'u in Tonga...

Sir Osbird who?

Beechman Place.

From where?

Neiafu, Vava'u in Tonga.

What about him?

Well, he happens to be a
very well-known ornithologist

and conservationist

and he is coming here to donate

a rare tropical bird
called a Weewark to...

- A Weewark?
- A Weewark, yes.

He's going to donate that
to the Los Angeles Zoo.

Well, whoopee for Sir
Osbird from wherever you said

but what does this
have to do with me?

Well, since his chartered plane
doesn't get in 'til this evening

after the zoo has closed.

They need someone to look after
the bird until tomorrow morning

and so I volunteered.

So, you volunteered
to be a bird sitter

but I still don't see what
this has to do with me.

Well, and since the
Weewark is a tropical bird,

it has to be kept in a
very warm temperature

and my furnace is broken.

Oh. Now I see what
this has to do with me.

Exactly.

I want you to look after the
bird until tomorrow morning.

Now, the Weewark will
be delivered to your house

at about 7:00 tonight.

Just a minute.

I didn't say I would bird
sit with your Weewark.

I'm going to the theater
tonight with Mary Jane.

She has two free tickets.

Well, you just have
to change your plans.

No way!

I am not going to miss seeing
Charlton Heston in person.

Oh, big deal, Charlton Heston.

What do you expect him to
do, part the Los Angeles River?

You are not fit to touch
the hem of his toga.

Now, I'm going to the
theater tonight and that's that!

- Now, Lucille...
- And don't bother threatening me

and saying you're going to
fire me like you usually do.

I wasn't going to
say anything like that.

After all, it's your decision.

What's it to you if a
poor little Weewark

flies 7,000 miles from Tonga,

arrives here probably
suffering from jetlag,

spends the night in
my freezing house,

gets pneumonia,

and I find him in the morning
lying on the bottom of his cage

with his eyes closed

and his poor little feet
sticking straight up in the air.

Oh, Harry, you know what a
softie I am about birds and animals.

That was very sneaky.

I know.

OK. I'll take care of
your poor little Weewark.

Oh.

I'll call Mary Jane and tell
her to get someone else

to go to the theater with her.

But, but, but that
won't be necessary.

Why let a free
ticket go to waste?

Since you're going
to be tied up, I'll go.



Oh, Harry!

I thought you were
going to the theater.

I am.

I'm meeting Mary
Jane down there.

I thought I'd better be here when
Sir Osbird delivers the Weewark.

I don't want you fouling
things up as usual.

Listen, Harry, if you're
going to be snide,

you can just bird
sit by yourself.

My goodness, it's hot in here.

Yeah. Well,

you said you wanted
it to be like the tropics.

Say Harry, how
come this Sir Osbird

can't take care of
the Weewark tonight?

Well, he's going to a banquet.

They are presenting him with

the conservationist
of the year award.

Swell, everybody
in town is going out

and having fun
tonight except me.

I get to stay home
and take a sauna

with a tourist from Tonga.

Oh, that must be...

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

I'm Sir Osbird Beechman Place.

Yes. How do you
do? I'm Lucy Carter.

And I'm Harrison Carter

of the Friends of
the Los Angeles Zoo.

- Oh, how do you do?
- How do you do?

- Harry, - Hmm?

- Put the bird over there.
- Oh.

Sir Osbird, may I...

Oh, certainly.

Oh, so this is the Weewark.

Well, did you have a good trip?

Aye, Floyd is a
very good traveler.

Floyd?

Well, being together
for 7,000 miles,

we got to be on
a first name basis.

Well, should I feed
him or anything?

No, no, no, he had
dinner on the plane.

Oh, that's nice.

Fortunately, they
had a movie he liked.

They were showing
Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

That was a good
choice, wasn't it?

Yes.

I certainly appreciate your
taking care of Floyd, Mr. Carter.

Oh, nothing at
all, nothing at all.

No sacrifices too
great for conservation.

I'm just glad to do it.

Yeah.

Well, I'd better be going.

Have a good time
at the sacrifice, Harry.

Good bye, Sir...

- Osbird.
- Yes, sir, yes.

My, it's certainly warm in here.

Yeah. Well, I was trying to
make it a tropical climate for Floyd.

Well, that's splendid

but don't you think
you're overdoing it a bit?

It must be a hundred degrees.

No, it's only 98.6.

Well, that temperature
is fine for a person

but I think your room just died.

Well, pardon me,
I'll turn it down a bit.

Ooh, this is a fine
piece of porcelain.

Well, thank you.

Thank you.

Yes.

So, this is a Weewark, huh?

He looks a lot like a pigeon.

Well, actually, he looks
like a pigeon but see,

- there's a red circle on his throat.
- Yeah.

In fact, he's known as the
ruby-throated Weewark.

Uh-huh. I see it.

- Yeah.
- Oh. He's very unique.

There are only three
others in the whole world.

A pair in London and
a female at the LA Zoo.

Really, just four
in the whole world?

Aye.

That's why we brought
Floyd 7,000 miles

from Neiafu, Vava'u in Tonga.

We intend to introduce
him to the female at the zoo.

Oh, you mean they
kind of have a blind date?

Ooh, very good, very good.

Well, Floyd, I hope you
have better luck than I do

on blind dates.

Well frankly, Mrs. Carter,

we're hoping that Floyd
and the lady bird will...

Get together and they'll...

And they'll get married and
drop and egg or something.

I see. Well, supposed
they don't like each other?

They have to like each other.

They're all they've got.

Well, it sounds like one of
those arranged royal marriages

and I don't think I care for it.

Tut, tut, tut.

Look, Mrs. Carter, these birds
are an endangered species.

Yeah. Well, maybe the
lady bird will like you Floyd.

Ooh, I'm sure she will,

especially when he
goes into his mating dance

prior to them to...

Dropping the egg.

Aye, aye, aye, aye.

Does he really do
a mating dance?

Aye, aye.

Now, this is the lady bird.

Lady bird...

He sort of walks around her.

And then he does
a kind of a waltz.

And then he droops his wings.

And then he utters a deep sound.

My, my, my...

Well, I best be going.

I'll be late for my banquet.

Well now, don't you
worry about Floyd.

I'll take good care of him.

Oh, thank you.

I'll pick him up about


Right. Fine.

Bye-bye, birdie.

Here you are, Floyd,
food and water.

I must say dear, you
are the thirsty one.

What do you do, put too
much salt in your birdseed?

Here you are.

Mom, I got a surprise for you.

What? What baby, what?

I just bought a new car.

A new car?

Well, in a way.

You see, before I bought
it from Vivian Bowman

who bought it from her sister
who bought it from her boss

who got it from
his brother-in-law

who has an agency,
it was a new car.

Oh, it's a used new car.

I prefer to think of it
as a new used car.

Come on, I'll
take you for a ride.

OK, honey.

Oh, now that I see it, I
think they took you for a ride.

Come on, mom.

Goodbye, Kim.

Thanks for the ride.

Well, how are you doing, Floyd?

Floyd?

Floyd?

Floyd!

Floyd!

Floyd!

Floyd!

Floyd.

Floyd.

Oh, Floyd!

Floyd!

Floyd.

Floyd! Where are you, Floyd?

Floyd.

Floyd?

Floyd?

Why in the world
would you think Floyd

was ringing the doorbell?

- Ah... no reason.
- Oh.

Have you heard
from Sir Osbird... yet?

- No, not yet.
- Oh.

Well...

Lucille, what are you doing?

Are you hiding something?

Believe me Harry, I am
hiding absolutely nothing.

Oh.

Ah! Whoa! Ah!

He's gone.

What have you done with him?

I didn't do anything with him.

Then where is that Weewark?

Maybe he went for a wee walk.

How could this happen?

How could he possibly
have gotten out of that cage?

Well now, maybe it was because

I sort of accidentally
left the cage door open.

Lucille, you have done
some terrible things in the past

and I have been
very angry with you.

But, when the nationally
known ornithologist

flies 7,000 miles
to donate a rare bird

to the Los Angeles Zoo

and you accidentally
let it escape,

then I think it is time for
you to get out of my sight

before I wring your neck!

Do it later, Harry! Do it later.

Do it later, Harry!

Please, Sir Osbird
will be here at 10:00.

That only gives us half an hour.

Come on, I'll tell you, we...
you search the backyard,

I'll search the front
yard and I'll... Lucille!

Yeah?

We better find that bird

or you are going to be
sued by the Los Angeles Zoo.

Why me?

You're the one who said
you'd take care of the bird.

You're the one
they're going to sue.

Not when I'm down in Rio

with my mustache shaved
and my name changed.

Floyd... Floyd... Floyd...

Floyd, where are you?

Floyd... Floyd...

Here you are.

Yes, there we are, baby.

No luck, no luck. I've
searched everywhere.

Relax Harry, look in the cage.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

You're back. You're back.

Welcome home, my boy.

Oh, Lucille, I'm so
happy I could kiss you.

Yeah. Well, if it's all
the same to you Harry,

I'd rather have a raise.

I'm not that happy.

- Harry.
- Hmm.

There's something I
think you ought to know

but I'm not sure
whether to tell you or not.

Oh, what is it?

That isn't really Floyd.

What!

Who is he?

Well, he's a carrier pigeon I
borrowed from the boy next door

and I painted the circle on
his throat with red nail polish.

What made you think
you can fool Sir Osbird

with that feathered fraud?

Well, it fooled you.

Oh yes, it fooled me
and it might fool Sir Osbird

but it won't fool that poor
love starved female Weewark.

Oh.

Well at least we can use him
to stall while we hunt for Floyd.

- Well... oh, that's Sir... is it?
- Shh.

I knew I shouldn't have
left the bird with you.

- I shouldn't have done it.
- Shh.

I knew you'd four things...

Sir Osbird!

How's my bird?

Fine, just fine.

Good.

Floyd laddy, are you
ready for the big adventure?

Mr. Osbird, we were thinking,

why don't you go
ahead to the zoo

and we'll bring the bird
a little later because he...

Because he hasn't
had breakfast yet.

Right. He hasn't
eaten his breakfast.

Oh, thanks but the zoo
will give him breakfast.

They're on the American plan.

Anyway, the
sooner he gets there,

the sooner they can
gugarug together.

- What is a...
- I'll tell you later.

Sir Osbird, you know how cool
the mornings are in California.

Now, maybe it would
be better if you waited

and let us take him
over when it warms up.

Yeah, that's a very good idea.

We have to take care
of him because after all,

he is a rare bird.

Aye, aye!

He is a rare bird.

He just laid an egg!

That makes two of you.

What are you colonials up to?

Now, I guess you might
as well know the truth.

I accidentally left
the cage door open

and Floyd got out
and disappeared.

You accidentally left
the cage door open

and one of the four
Weewarks in the whole world

got out and disappeared.

I'm afraid so, sir.

That's hard to believe.

Not if you know her, it isn't.

Who is the impostor?

Well, I borrowed a carrier pigeon
and put nail polish on his throat.

Incredible.

I traveled 7,000 miles
with a valuable Weewark

and end up with a
ruby-throated ringer.

Now wait, Sir Osbird,
let's not give up hope.

As far as we know, Floyd is still
around the neighborhood somewhere.

That's right.

We shouldn't be
standing here talking.

We should be out
hunting for him.

Well, come on, let's go!

Scotts, hey!

Don't worry, we'll find it.

Well, if we don't,

we're going to need
that carrier pigeon

because have I got
a message for you

and it ain't gugarug.

Yeah well, this is it Sir Osbird
but I don't see why you think

Floyd would be down
here at the library.

Well, we looked everywhere else.

I thought maybe he got lonely

- and decided to visit his cousins.
- Yeah.

Floyd! Here Floyd!

Floyd...

- Floyd...
- Floyd...

Floydie boy...

- Floyd...
- Floyd...

- Floyd...
- Floyd...

Floyd... Floyd...

No, that's not Floyd.

He hasn't got a red
circle around his...

Are you Floyd? That's not Floyd.

Floyd... Floyd...

- Floyd...
- Floyd...

Floydie.

No, that's not Floyd either.

- Are you sure?
- Yes, that's not Floyd.

- Here's more over here.
- Floyd...

Here Floyd. Floyd. Floyd.

- Floydie...
- Floyd...

No sense waiting there
kids, the library isn't open.

Floyd... Floyd...
Floyd... Floyd...

Hey, Floyd... Floyd,
that wasn't Floyd.

Floyd... Floyd...

- Wait a minute.
- What?

What's the matter with me,

I should be giving
the Weewark call.

That might flush him out.

What's that?

This is a fine pot of porridge.

We found each other.

Thanks to you,

I've lost a priceless bird
that's practically extinct.

Oh, Sir Osbird, can
you ever forgive me?

- No!
- Oh...

Weewark, Weewark.

Please, stop the crying.

I forgive you.

Oh, thank you.

I found him! I found him!

Whoa!

There's Floyd.

Are you sure it's Floyd?

Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure.

Oh, where did you find him?

Across the street.

He was sitting under a
sprinkler trying to cool off.

Oh, let me have him.

There you go.

Oh, let me have him.

Yes, yes.

Oh!

Oh, which one is
he? Which one is he?

Oh, how are we ever
going to tell which one it is?

Well, there's only
one thing to do.

We'll call for him
until he answers.

Weewark... Weewark...