06x17 - Lucy Is N.G. as an R.N.

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz.

- Hello?
- Harry, this is Lucille.

Haven't you left town yet?

No, Harry, and I was wondering
if you would do me a favor.

What now?

Well, I thought maybe you can
take Mary Jane and me to the airport.

I just found out the cab will
cost us $12, isn't that awful?

It's outrageous.

Of course, I'd be
happy to take you.

Thank you.

I'll only charge you six.

Harry, I should think
you'd do it for nothing,

considering that if I'm
elected Vice President

of the Girl Friday Association
you can bask in my glory.

I'd rather bask in your $6.

- Now, take it or leave it.
- OK, I'll take it.

Oh, I think Mary Jane is here.
Can you come over right away?

- I'll be right there.
- OK.

- Hi, Mom!
- Oh, hi, Honey, hi.

What are you doing out so early?

- I'm going to go sailing.
- Oh.

Anyway, I came by to
see if you would mind

taking care of my cat for the
weekend while I'll go away.

Oh, Honey, I'm
sorry but I can't.

Remember I'm going to San
Francisco for the Girl Friday Convention.

Oh, gee. I forgot.

Oh, but, Mom, she's got
to stay with somebody.

She's going to have kittens.

- Again?
- Well.

Good heavens.

That's the fifth litter she's
had since you've owned her.

Listen, young lady, haven't you
heard about the anti-litter campaign.

Mother, she just
can't help herself.

I think it's that new
tomcat down the street.

If there's a full moon
and he gives one meow,

she's putty in his paws.

Well, I just hope there's a mouse
somewhere having lots of mice

to maintain the
ecological balance.

Well, come on, Harry.

We're going to have to find
someplace else for you to stay.

Harry?

You're still calling a
mother of 20 kittens Harry?

Well, I after I found out she was a
female I changed her name to Harriet,

but she won't answer
to anything but Harry.

But it sounds so silly.

Well, it's your fault.

Now, you remember when
Vonda's cat have the kittens

and you helped her name them.

And this was the one with
the little tiny black mustache

that bossed all
the other kittens,

so you named it after
Uncle Harry, remember?

That's right.

Yeah.

- Hey, maybe Cindy
can take her for the weekend.
- I hope so.

I'll see you later, Mom.

All right. Have a good time.

Uh-oh. Are you getting a cold?

No, I don't think so.

Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

You look rather flushed to me.
Are you sure you feel all right?

I feel fine, Mother.

I was a little woozy when I woke
up this morning, but I'm fine now.

I knew it. You have a fever.

Mother, I do not have a fever.

Now, I took my temperature this
morning and it was perfectly normal.

Ha-ha!

Are you going to believe
a drug store thermometer

or your mother's hand?

This hasn't been a half
a degree off in 22 years.

Did you shake your hand down
before you took my temperature?

Now, don't be smart.

You're going to march
right upstairs and go to bed.

You can forget
all about sailing.

- Oh, come on now, Mother...
- This is your mother speaking.

Oh, all right,

but I'm not going to do
it because you say so.

It's because I really
don't feel so hot.

I knew it. I knew it.

- All right. Let's keep going.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Hi, Uncle Harry.
- Hello, Dear, hello.

Uh, Harry,

I hate to ask you but could you
possibly do me another favor?

- Do I have a choice?
- No.

Look, Kim is coming
down with a bad cold,

and Kim's cat is
going to have kittens.

So after you take
us to the airport,

will you come back here and
stay with them for the weekend

so I can still go
to San Francisco?

- Certainly.
- Oh, thank you.

Anything, anything at
all for my favorite niece.

Thanks, Uncle Harry. I'm
sorry to be such a bother.

No bother, Dear.

After all, I can work
here as well as at home.

Oh, good.

Kim, you better
put Harry outside.

I don't want to go outside.

Not you, Harry, the cat.

What?

The...

- Lucille.
- Hmm?

Do you mean to tell me that
that pregnant cat's name is Harry?

That's right.

How come?

Well, uh, when she was little...

with the mustache and
everything, she looked like you.

Now, that she's grown up
she looks even more like you.

Oh, Mary Jane. Here,
let me help you with those.

What did you do with your hand?

Oh, you won't believe it.
It was the dumbest thing.

What happened?

Well, I was practicing
my nominating speech

for you in front of the mirror,

and I got to my big finish

"I give you the next Vice President of the
Girl Friday Association, Lucille Carter."

And I broke my
finger on the mirror.

Oh, Mary Jane, you poor thing.

It doesn't really
hurt very much.

And I am determined to go to
that convention to nominate you.

- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.

- Well, OK, we better get going.
- That's right.

Would you carry the
bags out to the car, Harry?

All of them?

Yes, all of them
if you'd like a tip.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

Now, Honey, you go right to
bed. You can use your old room.

I haven't changed it much.

She hasn't changed it at all.

She's declared it a shrine and
put a velvet rope across the door.

Go put the bags in the car.

I'll call you tomorrow night
to see you how you are.

- OK, Mom.
- Bye bye.

Oh, now what?

What happened?

What happened?

Oh, I tripped
over that darn cat.

Oh, I... you scratch my luggage.

I hope you didn't hurt the cat.

Harry, how could you trip
over an expectant mother?

Oh, I know it. I've
torn the ligament again.

It's my football knee.

You've have no idea of the
agony that I suffer with that.

Really,

your concern touches me greatly.

You didn't even offer
me a b*llet to bite on.

Uh, Dr. Honeycutt, please.

Oh, nurse, look,
this is Harry Carter,

will you tell Dr. Honeycutt
when he comes in

that I hurt my knee again
and I want him to look at it.

I'm at 4863 Valley Lawn Drive.

What do you mean he
doesn't mean house calls?

You make this one or I
won't pay him for my last visit.

I owe him for two visits?

Well he won't get paid for
either one if he doesn't show up.

Well, uh-huh.

That's more like it. Thank you.

Oh, Harry, are you all right?

You look so pale.

Are you all right, Harry?

Does anyone care
about the other Harry?

Oh, how are you Harry?

Oh, I'm so glad you asked.

I've done something
terrible to my football knee.

Oh, I didn't know you
played football, Harry?

How did you hurt your knee?

Well, it was a long
time ago, Mary Jane.

It was the homecoming game.

I was tearing down the field...

He was tearing down the
goal post after the game

and he got hit
with the crossbar.

Is nothing sacred to you?

Well, Lucille, obviously with
this knee I can't drive you.

You'll have to call a cab.

You know something, I'm
beginning to think we shouldn't go.

I don't think this
trip was meant to be.

Oh, don't be silly,
Mother, now go on and go.

Look, Uncle Harry and I can
stay and watch after each other.

Oh, yeah, come
on let's go, Lucy.

Listen, I don't want to waste
my brilliant nominating speech.

"I give you the
next Vice President

of the Girl Friday
Association, Lucille Carter!"

Ow!

Oh, oh.

Oh, I think it's broken.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, Mary Jane.

Oh, Mary Jane, no.

All right that does it.

I know a series of bad
omens when I see them.

We are not going.

Gesundheit, baby.

Mother!

Yeah!

Could I see some more
movie magazines, please?

All right, dear.

Movie magazines.

Hi, Lucy, hey would you
get me my book upstairs?

It's on the nightstand.

Hey, what do you do
with this spicy book?

I hear it makes Jacqueline
Susann read like Dr. Seuss.

Well, I'm just
reading it for a friend.

Oh.

How are your patients
doing upstairs?

Oh, pretty good.

Oh, you should see
how cute Harry looks

curled up on the
foot of Kim's bed.

How can Harry curl
up with his bad knee?

Not Harry Carter, Harry the Cat.

Oh.

Ooh, I got to get some milk.

Harry's drinking it like
there's no tomorrow.

Well, what do you
expect from a cat.

Not Harry the Cat, Harry Carter.

He thinks the calcium
is good for his knee.

You know it's very hard for
me to get used to two Harry's.

I'm still trying to
get used to one.

Mom!

Lucy.

What now?

Kim's calling you.

- Mom!
- Yeah!

Could I have something to eat?

Oh, Honey, I better just
bring you some juice.

Remember the old saying,

"feed the cold
and starve a fever."

Oh, I think it's feed the
fever and starve a cold.

Well, you're wrong.

- Lucy?
- What?

Would you get my
sweater out the kitchen?

- I feel a draft.
- OK.

I can't work up
in that dark room.

Don't know how Craig ever
did any homework up there

unless he wore a miner's cap.

- Harry, you can sit here.
- Oh, thank you.

- I'm going upstairs and take a nap.
- Uh-huh.

With my hands like
this, what else can I do?

You know, it's too bad
I didn't take up knitting,

you could hold my yarn.

Oh, you're cute, Harry.

Oh yeah.

You can read my spicy
book if you want to.

Mary Jane, I don't
have time for that trash.

- I have work to do.
- All right, Harry.

All right, thank you
very much. That's fine.

Oh, you're down here.

Listen, Harry,
we're out of milk.

Where's Mary Jane?
She wants her sweater.

- Oh, she went upstairs to take nap.
- Oh.

Oh, you have a new briefcase.

Yeah, yeah.

The old one just fell apart.

Well, they sure don't make
cardboard like they used to.

- Oh, uh, Lucille?
- Yeah.

Would you bring my
pen in my coat pocket?

Yeah, all right.

Enjoying yourself?

It sure beats How the Grinch
Stole Christmas, doesn't it?

Here's your pen.

Oh, thank you.

- Oh, and Lucille?
- What?

Will you bring me a
glass of water, please?

I want to take some
aspirin. My knee is k*lling me.

k*lling you again, huh.

Lucy!

Uh, Mary Jane,
Lucille is in the kitchen.

Could you ask her if she
mind fixing me some iced tea?

Lucille?

Yeah?

Uh, Mary Jane would like now if
you would make us some iced tea.

Coming right up.

Coming right up.

With lots of ice.

With lots of ice.

Lots of ice. Sugar or lemon?

Sugar or lemon?

Sugar.

Sugar.

Sugar.

Just one teaspoon.

Just one teaspoon.

Just one teaspoon.

Do you have any cookies?

Do you have any cookies?

Well, what kind do you want?

What kind do you want?

What kind have you got?

What kind have you got?

Chocolate chip
and vanilla wafers.

Chocolate chip
and vanilla wafers.

- Well?
- Well?

I'm thinking.

I'm thinking.

Would you like to
know what I'm thinking?

Not particularly.

Chocolate chip.

Chocolate chip.

OK, chocolate chip.

Oh, maybe forget the cookies
so I won't ruin my dinner.

I'm sorry this line has
been disconnected.

- Here's your water, Harry.
- Oh, thank you, Lucille.

Thank you.

- Oh, Harry?
- Yeah?

While I'm up here is there
anything else you want?

Can't think of a thing.

Except my aspirin.

Here. Here's your aspirin.

Oh, thank you,
thank you, Lucille.

Oh, boy.

I am exhausted.

You know it takes a
lot out of here to run a

Red Cross emergency center.

Lucille.

All right, coming.

No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, not up there.

- No, no, that was me.
- Oh.

Lucille, I'm getting
a little hungry.

Don't you think you
should start dinner?

Dinner?

We haven't even
finished tea time.

Did somebody say
dinner? I'm starved.

Me, too.

Eating these cookies
made me hungry.

Oh, boy, everybody's
been heard from but the cat.

Meow.

All right. I'll get dinner.

I'll get dinner.

Here you are, Honey,
spaghetti with clam sauce.

Oh.

Isn't Harry joining us?

No, he's having
dinner in his room.

You know how set
he is in his ways.

Every night for years he's
had dinner with Walter Cronkite.

Lucy, how come you're
having creamed tuna

and I'm having spaghetti
with clam sauce?

Well, I didn't go to the market

because I thought we
were going to be out of town

so I had use whatever
cans were on the shelf.

What's everybody else eating?

Well, let's see.

The cat is having cat
food out in the kitchen,

and Kim is having
chicken soup up her room,

and Harry is splitting a can
of beef hash with Cronkite.

Hmm... Hmm-hmm.

Hey, this isn't
bad. How's yours?

I wouldn't know.

Oh, sorry, Mary Jane.

I guess I'm going to have
to help you a little, huh?

If you wouldn't mind.

I'm really starved.

Well, this smell good?

It smell... It looks good.

All right.

Here we go.

- There we are.
- Oh, that's too big, too big.

- Too big?
- Too big.

- How's that?
- Oh, that's too little.

Well, now this better
be just right, Goldilocks.

Uh-oh!

What are you doing out of bed?

Don't worry, I'm
feeling much better.

Well, you don't
sound much better.

Never mind.

Listen, by the way, I called
the veterinarian about Harry

and he's going
to come right over

to make sure that Uncle Harry didn't
hurt her when he tripped over her.

Did you talk to Dr. Moss?

No, Dr. Moss is on vacation

- but they're sending
somebody else over.
- Oh.

You know, Lucy, I just thought
of a wonderful new way to diet.

What's that?

Have two broken hands
and you for a friend.

And to think at this very moment

I was supposed to be having a
victory dinner in San Francisco.

- Mom!
- Yeah, Dear!

There's something puzzling me.

What's puzzling you?

Well, why did you
give Harry peas?

Cats don't like peas.

I didn't give the cat peas.

Well, there's a little
plate on the kitchen floor

with a whole mess
of peas left on it.

There can't be.

I remember distinctly, I
gave the cat her cat food,

and I gave your uncle
Harry beef hash with peas.

Wait a minute!

Oh, Mother, you didn't.

Oh, I certainly hope not.

Did anybody else
have the beef hash?

You know, I had the
most unusual flavor.

It was tasty but never
had anything quite like it.

I don't know how
I did it, but I did it.

I gave Uncle Harry the cat food.

What!

Now, now, Harry.
That was an accident.

I'm awfully sorry.

You're sorry!

Now, now, now, don't carry
on. Cat food is very nutritious.

Maybe it will make
your hair grow.

Make your coat nice and shiny.

Maybe you'll even win
a ribbon at the cat show.

Meow.

Listen!

Meow.

Oh, that's Harry. I
hope nothing's wrong.

I hope she's not having
her kittens already.

Oh, Mother.

Dr. Honeycutt, where are you?

[doorbell ringing]

Lucy.

Lucy.

Uh-huh.

The doorbell is ringing
and I'm not dressed.

And anyway, I
can't turn the knob.

The doorbell.

Oh.

Must be the vet to see the cat.

Coming.

Oh, yes.

Hello, I'm Dr. Honeycutt.
I'm here to see Harry.

We've been expecting you, sir.

It was awfully nice
of you to come by.

- Well, I don't usually make
house calls, but - I know.

This sounded like an emergency.

Yeah, well in a way it is.

May I take your hat?

You see my brother-in-law tripped over
Harry who was sleeping on the sidewalk.

Harry sleeping on the sidewalk?

That's very odd.

Well, not for Harry.
No, that's normal.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm

Well, maybe I better
take a look at my patient.

You just go right upstairs.
It's the last door on the left.

Oh, doctor before you go.

I bet there's something
I better tell you.

I made a mistake and gave
Harry beef hash for dinner

instead of the usual cat food.

Usual cat food?

Yes, is that OK?

Well, if Harry
doesn't mind, I don't.

Oh, and doctor I have a box
ready with an old blanket in it.

You have?

Yes, that's what
Harry always likes.

Well, I just didn't want Harry to
crawl into the house like last time.

I hope everything is
going to be all right.

Oh, there's no need
to worry too much.

It's the same old thing you
know, it's happened before.

Don't I know.

And frankly doctor,

if you agree when
this is all over

I think we should
have Harry fixed.

- I knew something...
- What now Harry?

- I knew it, I knew it. I knew it.
- What happened?

That darn cat is
having her kittens.

- Oh good.
- Good nothing.

She's having them
in my new briefcase.

Oh, doctor. I'm so
glad you're here.

Listen, come on, doctor,
you're needed upstairs.

You don't want that
poor little thing to suffer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What about my suffering?

I've been suffering
all day. I'm I... I...

[doorbell ringing]

- Yes?
- I'm Dr. Crawford.

Doctor! Oh, come in, doctor.

Come in, doctor.
Am I glad to see you.

Doctor, I want you
to look at my knee.

I have a torn cartilage
here that's just...

Oh, there must be some
mistake. I'm a veterinarian.

Oh?

Well, that's all right.
I qualify as a patient.

I had cat food for dinner.

Just look at this knee.

I injured it many
years ago in football.

I just... it's going all
the time to get in trouble.

Now, I've had about
four operations on it

and you can see it right in here

and the pain is
just... uh, the pain is...

Well, you could
at least sh**t me.