01x01 - Tape 72

[bunniefuu]

This programme contains strong

language from the start,

discriminatory language and some scenes

which some viewers may find upsetting

Come on, lads, hurry it up.

Don't want to get raided.

I have to check the tracking.

The tracking!

SCREAMING

If you don't want it, go watch

f*cking Ghostbusters, yeah?

Relax, Christy, will you?

Give us a minute.

Is it real? Yeah.

It's genuine. First generation.

Look, this is the last

of the money, all right?

Don't throw it away.

Just stick to the plan.

Follow my lead and don't show

any weakness, yeah? Yeah.

Not a penny over 25. Mm.

Let's go.

The best we can do is 20, all

right? That's all we have.

You're f*cking joking? I'm

taking all the risks here.

The distributor of that film, he's

in prison. You know that, lads?

OK, then. 30, all

right? But no more.

It's number 71, it's worth it.

Ah!

You've nearly got the full

video nasty collection.

And you need this one.

40, or I walk.

MUSIC: Sanctify

Yourself by Simple Minds

Lads, do yourselves a favour.

Leg it.

Is this the age of

the thunder and rage?

Can you feel the ground

move round your feet?

If you take one step closer

It'll lead to another

The crossroad above

is where we meet

I shout out for shelter

I need you for something

The whole world's out

They're all on the street

Control yourself

Love is all you need

Control yourself

In your eyes ♪

"You have been warned," is the

message to video retailers.

If you stock any of the

titles on a list circulated

by Scotland Yard, you

could end up in court.

Public concern is growing as more

evidence of the video's corruption

of children comes to light.

The video nasty has

replaced the conjuror

and the party games at parties.

I haven't seen it. I have far

too much respect for my mind.

We actually saw people

eating live monkeys' brains.

The DPP has compiled a list of

72 films that are to be banned.

10,000 tapes have been seized.

Police seized 22,000 cassettes.

One of 4,000 video nasties

seized in the biggest raid yet.

I can't understand people who get

entertainment value from death,

gore, t*rture and horror.

Love is all you need ♪

These films not only

affect young people,

but I believe they

affect adults as well.

Open up your heart

Sanctify yourself

Sanctify

Be a part of me

Sanctify

Sanctify ♪

Enjoy your Catholic

couples course.

It's a religious retreat.

Mm-hm.

We'll be checking

everything when we get back.

Homework, chores, everything.

One step out of line, you'll be

grounded till after your exams.

Yeah, you'd love that.

Me stuck here so you don't

have to speak to each other.

BRAKES SQUEAL

There he is now.

And Billy. How you doing?

Keep an eye on

her, will you, OK?

Make sure she goes in tomorrow.

You're the responsible one.

I'm the older one!

Lads, you off to watch a movie?

Yeah, erm, Karate Kid.

Right? Yeah.

Wax on, wax off.

See yous on Sunday.

See you Sunday.

Has your dad even

seen Karate Kid?

Has he f*ck.

Ahem.

Look, you behave

yourself, all right?

Rent a movie and get

a few cans of Coke.

I want a chipper too.

What? And I need materials

for my art project.

OK, but that's it. OK, bye now.

All right, Number 71.

Usual rules - no screaming,

no looking away.

And no sh1tting yourself.

That was one time.

Is there t*ts in this, or what?

Nah, the sex is all implied

in the sound design.

I'm just f*cking with you.

I thought you were going all

Kubrick on me. f*ck Kubrick.

The Shining was tame.

Me and you, we'll top that.

Oh, wait till we get

to London next year.

Get some work on sets, work our way

up, make some proper, gory sh*t.

Yeah. Yeah, let's just finish

the collection first

..before anyone cops

where the Debs money went.

CLUNK

Look, stop freaking out

about the money, all right?

It's just a stupid

graduation dance.

You're the treasurer.

You're entitled to

invest that money.

Invest?

I'm not sure people at

school will see it that way.

It's their money we

spent on these videos.

They won't have to see it.

I haven't even booked a venue.

Yeah, we'll pay it all back when

we sell the full collection.

Right? All we have to do

is find the final tape.

We already have a lead.

What, your pen pal?

She's not a pen

pal. She's a source.

Yeah, well, she's in

the middle of nowhere

in the middle of middle England.

She can't do a postal

exchange on this one,

even if she does get

her hands on the tape.

Well, then, we'll find it here.

All right?

Don't lose your nerve now.

CLUNK

MAN SCREAMS

Get out! The girls

are on their way.

No! This is our time.

You have the whole house.

Uhh! There's no video player.

What are you even

watching anyway?

Girl Gets k*lled In The Woods 4?

Spoiler - she gets k*lled

in the woods again!

It's Nightmares In

A Damaged Brain.

It's extremely

rare and valuable.

And weird! Take your

messed-up video and get out!

You're not using my VCR

to watch Flashdance again.

Do you want me to tell Mum and

Dad about your video collection?

They left their phone number.

Who are they going to believe?

I'm the altar boy.

You're the one they

think has gone mental.

I'll get their camera as well.

Give them a nice surprise

when the roll's developed.

All right, all right! Fine!

You can have the room.

Well, I'm taking this.

Oh, come on, don't

be an arsehole.

You're on your bike, how are

you even going to carry it?

I can carry the plug.

Billy, what are you doing?

Billy, put it back!

Put it back!

Prick!

I don't know what

he's got over you.

He's going to get you

strung up over that cash.

Shut up about it, will you?

I knew we shouldn't

have told you.

Have you told him

about next year yet?

Jesus, Con. You're going to have

to tell him eventually, you know?

MUSIC BLARES

Da, will you turn it down?!

Shut up. That's Tony Allen.

Don't disrespect.

This is your music.

I don't even know

what he's saying.

It's Niger. Oh-h*!

Irish boy!

You pick it up if

you listen properly.

Can you not put things back?

Then how would you learn

to look after the place?

Someone has to prepare

you for the real world.

What are you even doing

making a sandwich?

I'm cooking. Stop complaining.

You'll be a happy man when

you see what I've got.

Did you get some more

of those seized tapes?

Some idiots tried to

smuggle them in from Italy.

I don't know why you can't

trade some nice comedies.

They're not as valuable. Hmm.

At least you are

showing some initiative.

Take what you need, bring the

rest over to the video shop.

See what TJ will

pay me for them.

There's a few good ones in here,

but it's mostly Italian

giallo that I already have,

and some mainstream

sh*t that TJ won't take.

What about this girl in

England, your pen pal?

Fangoria Fungirl?

Trade them with her.

Figure it out.

Nobody's going to

hold your hand.

It's Fangirl, not Fungirl.

And she's not a pen pal.

She's a fellow collector.

Ha! Is she collecting

boyfriends?

Why does she write

to you so much?

DOG BARKS

RUSTLING

Hello?

Right, then.

Let's go through

Let's just do it.

Why? Because it's hurling today.

And faking off PE

is f*cking cliche.

I want it to be authentic.

But I'm good at faking injuries.

Stop f*cking with my vision, Con!

Eyes on the prize.

Now, we've got the hot plate,

the heating mantle

Right, then. f*ck it!

OK.

On the count of

three, yeah? Yep.

Three

..two

..one. HE GASPS

THEY WINCE Gah!

It would be good if

we could get out tonight

It would be great if we

could make something happen

We can run, we can run, we

can run, we can run all night

We could find, we could find, we

could find a place to hang around

No-one's man enough No!

No-one's bad enough No!

No-one's crazy any more

No-one's man enough No!

No-one's bad enough. ♪

Any leads in the classifieds?

I can't see anything.

It's hard to decipher

some of these messages.

Got one for you.

The Gingerdead Man.

You know, like the

gingerbread man.

What's it about? Ginger zombies.

If they bite you,

your pubes turn red.

Run, run as fast as you can.

You can't escape

The gingerdead man. Yeah!

That's a good one.

DOOR OPENS

All right, q*eers.

What is it this

week, w*nk*ng injury?

Close, I'd say.

You're predictable. Look at yous

with your g*y little bandages.

You people are just scared

to get a whack of a hurl.

"You people?"

What ever happened

to me being a Paki?

Oh, that was fun. Wildly

inaccurate, obviously,

but fun. Shut the f*ck

Ooh!

You're really phoning

it in today, aren't you?

You want to watch your mouth.

See, I've been hearing things.

Throwing around

money on videotapes.

That little sister

works in the hotel,

says there's no booking

for the debs ball.

If I find out you're after

taking my money, I'll burst you.

The f*ck away from me.

Ooh!

No-one's bad enough No!

No-one's crazy any more

No-one's man enough No!

No-one's bad enough No!

No-one's crazy any more. ♪

You all right? Me?

Yeah, I'm grand.

You can't let them

get to you, man.

I mean, we watch heads explode,

entrails getting torn out.

We deal in ill*gal contraband.

They think they're

hard. We're f*cking

..rocks.

Yeah, well, they'll still smash

us to pieces if you don't get

their debs money back.

Yeah, well, we'll push TJ on it.

See if he has any leads.

Sure you're all right?

Yeah.

I said it right to his face.

I was like, "Sir, get f*cked."

Like, the only reason you

failed me is because my mum

wouldn't have sex with you. In

fairness, that's a pretty messed-up

way to talk to your dad.

Yeah, I know, but, like,

I told him not to take

the job at our school.

d*ck. Since when did you

drop out of honours maths?

When you were out sick.

For weeks.

What?

Nothing.

It's just, you never

came to the phone.

Like, what was wrong with you?

Who are you, my ma?

Who cares?

Are we starting

this party, or what?

It's midterm. I want

to get shitfaced.

Hey, Con!

Can you nick us some holy

wine from Father Pervert?

No, he can't. He nearly

got caught last time.

Like you care. The

sh*t you drag him into.

I'm right here. You're not

invited to my party, by the way.

You can stay at home and

shag your video player.

Why don't you go home and cry

and hide out in your room again?

Yeah, well, you can forget

about dragging him to London

with you next year.

He's not going.

Zoe. What? It's true. I'm

doing you a favour here.

She's she's

Zoe!

It's not what you

think. I want to go.

I do, I just can't.

What are you talking

about, "Can't?"

My folks, they won't let me.

I have to go to

college, Billy. Here.

Why are you such a pushover?

Go on! Go home.

Hey!

You shitheads want

to come to a party?

TJ: Now, this scene was

actually cut in the US version.

It's pretty hardcore stuff.

Oh, man, look at them eyeballs.

Ah, love it.

We actually see the

inside of the skull.

Now, you wouldn't

see that on RTE One.

They used cow intestines

for this scene.

Yeah. This is, like

This this

Yeah, so, this tape was actually

transferred from the Italian master

Sick b*stards

Yeah, well, apparently, the

lead actor was paid in drugs.

So, if you're looking to buy,

sale price is negotiable.

For rentals, I charge double

for nasties, triple for blueys,

quadruples for blasphemies.

Oh, and an extra-special

fiver for Life Of Brian.

Nice one. Good man. You're on.

Ha-ha! What has my favourite

freak got for me today?

Is that supposed

to be a compliment?

All right. Bad

day at the office?

Don't let the b*stards

grind you down.

Unless you're going to film it.

HE IMITATES A CHAINSAW

Dad got another haul.

Let's see what we can do.

No. Yes!

Ooh, expose. Yes, please.

Any luck with,

er, Damaged Brain?

f*ck me!

This is a first

generation original.

Mm-hm. HE SNIFFS DEEPLY

Oh, you can smell

the wrongness of it.

Too much?

All right, what is

wrong with you today?

You're down to the final film, I

thought you'd be doing cartwheels.

It's nothing.

Just money issues.

TJ SCOFFS

Con's not coming to

London next year.

Oh, man. I mean, I'm fine.

It's just, he could

have told me, you know?

That was the plan, the dream

..to work on a real film set.

Well, you still have

the rest of the year.

I mean, finish the collection

together for a start.

You're down to the last tip.

William Asher's Nightmare Maker,

aka Butcher, Baker,

Nightmare Maker,

aka Night Warning!

Do you have any leads?

Because I can't

find anything local.

No. Trail's gone as

cold as a witch's tit.

Here, what about hitting up

that sexy pen pal of yours?

She's not

I don't even know

what she looks like.

Well, whatever. I thought

she had a lead on one.

But, man, you should see what people

are paying for the full collection

on the black market.

You get that tape, I'll get

you three grand within a week.

If I was you, I'd be swimming

over to England to get that tape.

Right, tell your dad I'll

drop that money down to him.

Oh, and tell him I'm

running low on blasphemy.

Keep them coming.

Class.

After six increasingly

bitter months of strike,

to ask how and

where it might end.

But what is?

Ah, waiting. How did we do?

Uh-uh. There's plenty left here.

He didn't need many.

You should have convinced him.

Here, another letter

from your pen pal.

Don't get carried

away with that girl.

She'll take you for an idiot.

Not every girl is like Mum.

I don't understand.

We're going to England.

She has the tape.

Nightmare Maker.

If we don't go

tomorrow, it's gone.

This is our chance,

Con. We get the tape,

we sell the collection,

we pay back the money.

Wait, just slow down

for a second, will you?

Look, she'd rather do a

tape exchange with us.

We have doubles of

three films on her list.

This is the trip, man!

One last f*cking hurrah

before all this sh*t hits!

OK, well, if I can't

go to London

Con, by the time you

get back from this trip,

you'll be gagging to

come with me next year.

So, are you in?

Yeah. Good, because I already wrote

back and told her we're coming.

OK, but we've no cash left,

so how do we pay for the

ferry, the bus, everything?

Your sister. Oh!

No, she's the only one who

knows how screwed we are.

She has to help.

I mean, all we

need is a few quid.

Fine, I'll do it.

Wait, you're not going to

go ask her now, are you?

Well, would you rather ask

her now when she's drunk,

or tomorrow when she's hungover?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. OK, let's.

Hey, wait.

We're all right, aren't we?

Yeah.

I'm not going to let your parents

ruin this for us, OK? Yeah.

You and me, we need

to finish this.

We can get it done

in, like, two days.

Easy. Great. OK, I'll call

my parents at the hotel

and tell them I'm going to

Catholic Boy Scouts. Sound.

We're going camping!

MUSIC BLARES

Oi! Thin Lizzie, you have some

f*cking neck showing up here.

I live here!

Are you doing a

shot?! WHOOPING

Pour me one of them, yeah.

It's the last lemon.

Don't worry. I have a

lemon-flavoured d*ck right here.

Have you seen Zoe? No?

What are you doing here?

Everyone's talking about you.

What, me? Where's Zoe?

Where's Zoe? What?

Zoe. Where is she?

She's upstairs with

those skinheads.

She was talking about you.

Everybody's talking about you.

Oi, you, come back here! I

want a f*cking word with you!

Hey, hey, what's going on?

Oh, man. Some hammered broad

just lost a game of pinfinger.

WRETCHING

Oh! Ah! AH!

Zoe! Oh, my God, your hand!

Someone call an ambulance!

Here, Con!

I knew you stole my

deb's money, you prick!

DOG BARKS AND VACUUM WHIRS

DOOR OPENS

VACUUM STOPS

You OK? Yeah.

Thanks

..for looking after me.

And I'm sorry that everyone found

out you took their debs money.

I only told Rachel, but

she was off her t*ts.

Everyone was. It's all right.

Just get some sleep.

I, erm, cleaned up the

blood in the bathroom.

Tidied up.

What did she say?

I didn't ask her.

I mean, I can't.

Look, we'll figure it out. We'll

find the tape somewhere else.

What about the money, Con?

Everyone is out for blood.

The police are going to be on

this. I don't want to get charged.

Look, I can't just

take off, all right?

There's a lot going

on. I need to be here.

Stop sucking up to

your parents, Con.

This is about us. You

know I want to go.

I just can't. I'm just

sick of this place, Con.

This isn't even about the money.

This is me and you.

I'm getting packed and I'm getting

the first bus to the ferry.

And if you're not at that

bus stop in the morning,

I'll know exactly

what you think.

I'll find a way to

finish this myself.

BIRDSONG

Roadkill, the trip

from hell! Oh!

You got the money? Yeah.

You see? I told you!

Born producer. Yes!

Just a couple of strings.

What?

No! No way!

Yeah, yeah, yes way!

I'm going to be

grounded for life now.

There is no way I'm

going home to them.

As soon as I get my

cut, I'm moving out.

Excuse me? Her cut?

Yeah! If I'm funding this,

we're going to split

the profits three ways.

I get the deposit for a

room. Everyone's happy.

No, this is our

trip, our collection.

I don't want some f*cking

fire starter tagging along.

Yeah, you're the one who

started this fire, OK?

Getting Con in over

his head. Oh, yeah?

Well, you're the one who

blabbed about the money.

And now I'm making it right.

I'm not going home.

I'm getting on

that boat with Con.

You can come with us, or

you can go and cry about it.

We're doing this.

We're going to get that tape.

CREAKING

BOTTLES RATTLING

THUD

Hello?

CLICKING

CLUNK

SHE SCREAMS

I've got a knife!

SQUEAKING