01x03 - Fangoria Fangirl

[bunniefuu]

This programme contains strong language and some

scenes which some viewers may find upsetting.

We're going to England. She

has the tape. Nightmare Maker.

So what's the plan? We meet her in the

pub tomorrow. Long way to walk, though.

Any chance of a lift? Oi! Do that again, you'll

need a bandage of your own. If you're going to be

such a stuck-up b*tch,

you can get out and walk.

We've had a report about money being

stolen from the school's debs fund.

SHE SCREAMS

There's that festival thingy on.

That was just locals

playing dress-up.

FURTHER SCREAMING

The body of a young woman

has been found by a lake

in the Derbyshire Dales between

Chesterfield and Ashdale.

Police say the woman may have died

under suspicious circumstances,

and are appealing for information

from anyone who was in the area.

Yeah. Hi. I'm calling

about a tip-off.

It's about that

body in the woods.

I picked up three very

unusual teenagers last night.

I had to throw them out me car.

Right by the walking trail.

Er, yeah, one of them

were dark-skinned,

and, er, each of them had this

bandage on their left hand.

Looked like some strange

cult kind of thing.

You see? It's just a festival.

I think last night was just

locals playing dress-up.

That's all it was.

Whatever, let's just get the

tape and be done with it.

What if she doesn't show?

She will.

Are you sure this

is the right place?

Yeah.

UNCERTAINLY: OK.

Hello. Can I get three

pints of lager, please?

Is this the only pub?

Certainly is.

One pub, one shop, one post

office round the corner.

That's it, apart from my church.

Right. Thanks.

We don't even know

what she looks like.

She could be some 50-year-old

with no arms, no legs.

How would she write

the letters, then?

Yeah.

We are going to watch

the film, aren't we?

Of course. I have to make

sure it's in mint condition.

Every bit of it.

Here you go.

On the house.

Skilled! How'd

you manage that?

I told him we were

orphaned by an IRA b*mb.

The British think it's

basically Flanders over home.

The bandages really sold it.

No surrender!

So the police just

showed up at your door,

and you expect me to believe

you didn't call them?

We didn't. Honestly, it was

all about the missing money.

Their first priority is

to find the children.

They already found out that

Zoe was in hospital last night

and signed herself out. I mean,

that's what we're dealing with here,

so, no, we can't just sit

around. We're getting the ferry.

The guards will be checking in

with their counterparts in the UK,

so if you've got any extra

intel from those letters, Abe,

we could really do with it. What

do you mean? Why would I read them?

They are his. Oh,

God be good to us.

Really? Don't you want to know who

he's meeting? I mean, who knows

what sort of head-the-ba*ls

are dealing those videos?

None of them are

children any more.

Yes, they are! They are,

and they always will be.

If they run, it's because they

want to see us follow them.

They're kids. They're our kids.

So we will be getting the ferry,

and there is room in the

car if you change your mind.

Come on, Frank.

CHATTER

Is the pathologist done?

Yeah. Took his time

getting here, though.

They're about to

bag the body up.

Found this.

HE SIGHS Christ.

What are we going to

do if she doesn't show?

I need this money. She'll come.

OK, you wrote to a PO box, yeah?

That Proddy vicar-y

reverend fella,

he said that there's a post office

on the other side of the village.

Oh, well, surely they

know who owns the box.

I mean, if she lives around

here She's not even that late.

Look, me and him need to

stay here in case she shows.

Er, f*ck no.

I'm not going off by myself

after that sh*t last night.

You must be joking.

You said yourself

it's your trip.

Your pen pal Not a

pen pal. ..your problem.

Con?

Oh, for f*ck's sake!

I'm getting tired

of this, you know.

Thanks, man. Appreciate it.

Do you, though?

CHATTER

Hello there, young man.

Hi. I'm looking for a PO box.

It's number 489. Is that here?

It is. The very one.

Would you be able to tell

me who owns it, please,

if that's something you can do?

Such lovely manners.

So rare these days.

But I'm afraid that would be

against Royal Mail policy.

OK.

So what happens when a

letter arrives to a box?

Well, I notify the owner.

If they're local, I

usually give them a call.

Personal touch.

That's how we do

things around here.

OK.

Can I get a piece of paper

and an envelope, then, please?

Oh! I don't want to be drunk.

She's not coming.

Why would you say

that? You don't know.

Are you trying to get pissed?

SHE SIGHS

DOOR OPENS

You all right after last night?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Come on!

Don't be such a dry shite.

I watch skulls getting drilled.

I'm not a dry shite.

FAKE COUGH: Dry shite.

f*ck off!

You're easily

influenced, aren't you?

Me?!

You've never made an

original choice in your life.

You're a sheep

following the crowd.

You want to go there again? OK.

Cos I'll tear your

whole act to shreds.

You know, "I'm Billy, I'm too cool

for friends cos I don't have any."

I don't talk like that.

All right, how

about a truce, then?

Give me till the

end of this pint.

Wonderful.

You know what?

This is all a bit silly.

I can't give you a name and address,

but maybe if you were to ask me

something else, I might

be able to help you out.

OK. Well, we're looking for

a girl that comes in here.

She sends letters and

packages to Ireland.

Oh, yes, I think I

know the very one.

Well, let's just say if you happened

to walk out the church road,

follow the road all the way around

until the crossroads, take a right

and then a left, you might

find someone worth talking to.

Oh, my God, thank you so much.

We don't take the Lord's

name in vain around here.

Oh, right. Sorry. Of course.

Could I get another piece of

paper for all those directions?

Thanks.

Wayhey!

Festival week, gents!

Pint of your best there, Tim.

Sit down, Rob.

All right, Reverend? Don't

see you in here much.

You're letting loose?

Tone it down, son.

A bit of respect. Fair enough.

I know we're honouring the

dead, but it were 300 years ago.

I'm talking about the body

they found by the lake.

Could be one of our own.

Oh, right, that.

My brother's reporting

on it for the paper.

Haven't named her yet,

but between me and you,

they reckon it

was a group thing.

Three suspects.

Terrible times.

The whole world's gone

to hell in a handbasket.

OK, truth,

because if I say dare,

you'll twist it on me again.

Is it true your mam left

for some other fella?

What the f*ck you ask

me that for? Sorry!

I thought this

was truth or dare.

I'll ask something else

if it's too sensitive.

No, it's not f*cking

I don't e I don't even know!

No-one ever told me.

I think she's living with

some doctor now or something.

I don't know if he's

the reason why

Whatever.

It was ages ago. I'm fine.

Hey, your turn.

Truth - why the f*ck

did you ask me that?

Because I knew it

would get under your skin,

and that's what you're really

afraid of. No. No, bullshit.

So you can drink and go again.

Come on.

I answered your question. You

asked me that for a reason.

Why are you so interested

all of a sudden?

I caught my dad sleeping

with someone else.

There you go.

Con doesn't know.

I'm just trying to keep

everything together.

Yeah, how's that

working out for you?

It's not so funny now, is it?

OK, dare.

Come to the ladies with me.

Come on. It'll be funny.

Why? Because all these stiffs will

think we're having sex in there.

Come on. This is all just a big

distraction to you, isn't it?

No. You're going to have to

tell Con eventually, you know.

Look at you.

You're ducking the

dare. You're morto.

I'm not. OK, well, then, you

won't mind me doing this.

Come on, Billy.

Zoe. Let's go. Zoe!

I want you to do me now.

Stop. Ride me sideways, Billy.

Go on. Zoe, stop! Show us what

you're made of. Zoe, stop!

What the f*ck was that?

Relax. We're having a laugh.

You're half-cut! Did

you find anything?

I know where she lives.

All right, I don't care where you're

from. We can't have that in here.

I'm asking you to leave now.

OK. We're going anyway. Come

on, get your bag and go.

Get your hands

off me! All right.

Do we have a problem here?

We don't like trouble round

here, especially from outsiders.

I leave yous alone

for two seconds

and yous get us thrown

out of the place.

Some people can't take a joke.

Where are we even going? Don't

worry about it. I'll handle this.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

You could have told me you

were going from Belfast.

I would have packed a sandwich.

Yeah, I was a bit surprised

you came, to be honest.

What changed your mind?

Are you serious?

Wait, you didn't get the

call from the police?

What call? What call?

Oh, God.

OK, how do I, er?

Look, the good news is they

have been sighted in Derbyshire.

What's the bad news?

They are wanted for questioning

in a m*rder investigation.

What?! What?!

Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

All right. This must be it.

Are we sure about this?

Just doorstepping her?

I mean, why didn't she show?

Let's ask her.

Hang on.

Am I the only one

who finds this weird?

What do we know about this girl?

Don't start this again.

Either we do it

now or we go home.

Let me lead this, all right? I'll

explain about the post office.

No, no, no.

She's my contact. I'll do it.

HE KNOCKS

Hi. Erm, we're

looking for someone.

Your sister, maybe.

Your letter said

there'd be two of yous.

Who's the girl?

Is she here or?

Fangoria Fangirl?

Yeah.

Yeah, you could say that.

You'd better come in.

You want your tape, right?

Anyone else home?

Er, my parents are away.

In here. Look, maybe you should

just explain what's going on first.

I I'm

..Fangoria Fangirl.

I'm her.

She's me.

Pretended to be a girl when I posted

it in Fangoria to get more replies.

I had to keep it up.

Nah. That's bullshit.

OK, she doesn't want to

meet us for some reason

and you're covering

for her, right?

This one.

I knew it.

I f*cking knew it.

There she is, Billy.

There's your dream girl.

God. I'm sorry.

That's priceless.

Can I, erm? Toilet?

Toilet? Yeah, just

there on the left.

Too much? Maybe the

wrong moment to gloat.

Thought he'd be happy.

I mean, we found what

we're looking for, right?

Yeah. I've got it.

You'll be able to

check the whole thing.

No video player.

Oh, yeah. Er

Yeah, I've got a place out back.

My mum's not too keen on me

watching videos in the house.

Means I can watch what I want.

Would you like your tapes now?

Oh, right. Yeah, of course.

Great.

Was it not weird?

You know, pretending

to be a girl?

I mean, Billy kind of

liked you, I think.

What? No, it was just a name.

He saw what he wanted to.

Right, erm

Hey, hey, hey.

You've got to see his first.

Hey, look, I'm sorry.

I know it's not funny.

To you. Yeah, look,

you're not the only one,

you know. I do I

do lots of exchanges.

Don't.

I don't need anyone

feeling sorry for me.

Why didn't you just come

to the pub? Come clean?

Do you think I can just keep

meeting strangers in a pub

without people talking?

So give your address, then.

So everybody knows where the

ill*gal video collector lives?

You all find the PO box.

If you're not some

weirdo, you get sent here.

Look, let me get your tape.

That's all that matters, right?

Yeah.

I don't feel good

about any of this.

Where is he? Maybe he's

gone to get his chainsaw.

Look, his whole story checks

out, apart from having a d*ck.

Well, I'm not staying to

check that tape, all right?

Let's just make the

exchange and go.

But it's worthless

if it's not mint.

We need to pay back that

money or we're dead.

I'll take my chances at home.

But we were supposed

to watch it.

This is it, remember? You and

me finishing this together.

Yeah. That was before.

Yeah, was it?

Or was this whole thing

about your pen pal?

What's wrong with you?

Are you embarrassed?

What, because you had a crush

on this guy? Shut your mouth!

What do you think?

Stay or go? What are

you even asking her for?

You never listen to me.

You always want to be in

control of everything we do.

You sent me off to

do your grunt work

while yous two got half-pissed.

Don't get narky

with me, all right?!

If you don't want to do

something, just f*cking say it.

I don't want to go to London.

All right? I never did.

I don't want to make tea

on f*cking film sets.

I want you to stay in Dublin.

Well, why didn't

you just tell me?

Because

Because I don't want

this to be the end.

HE SIGHS

Look, I'm sorry, all right?

This was my stupid plan.

Maybe I shouldn't be

in charge any more.

Whatever you think, I trust you.

Sorry about the wait.

So do you want to check this

now while we have a cup of tea

or something?

Would you mind if I held it?

HE CHUCKLES

Let's do this. Yeah.

Yeah. Er, yeah. Out here.

No, thanks. Not my thing.

Um, are you sure? It's not long.

This is theirs.

I I really

think you should

I don't want to watch

that sh*t, all right?

OK.

Don't go messing with anything.

My mum's very particular.

OK.

Yeah, erm

Not bad, right?

We converted the old cow shed.

I'll be honest - still haven't

quite got rid of the smell.

To be honest, man, we were, erm,

we were a bit worried

for a minute, you know.

Why? Were you

expecting a dungeon?

I used a girl's name.

It doesn't mean I'm some

sort of freak, does it?

Here we go.

MUSIC PLAYS

Get ready for some gore.

The police cordon was penetrated

as men threw themselves at the van.

Some tried to lay

down in the road,

and there were scuffles as

policemen hauled them clear.

The conflict outside the

plant assumed the character

of a staged directed drama

Hello. You've reached the Power

household. We're not in right now

SHE SIGHS

Hello?

HORN HONKS, TYRES SCREECH

No! God!

SHE SCREAMS

Thanks for pushing me.

Yeah.

Argh!

Argh! No! Sh!

SHE STRAINS

Billy!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Bollocks!

SHE SCREAMS

The body of a young woman has

been discovered by a wooded lake

outside of Ashdale.

Detectives are particularly

keen to speak to three teenagers

from Ireland who were

seen in the area.

The teenagers were said to have

bandages on their left hand.