01x01 - Radio Free Sealab

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪

♪ You'd better check
Under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
You'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab
At the bottom of the sea ♪♪

CAPTAIN:
Bored, bored, bored, bored,

bored, bored, bored, bored,
bored, bored, bored.

Hello, captain.

Marco.

Hey, buddy, you want to...

I don't know, hang out,
or play a game?

I'm a little busy here, sir,

trying to keep a trillion-dollar

research station
running smoothly.

Ooh, fun.
I'll be the mommy.

Beep-beep!

What's that?

You need the captain right away?

What was that?

Emergency in the Tank Room.

Better get down there, sir.

I didn't hear anything.

No time, sir.

Hurry! Run!

Away!

Madre Mia. What an idiot.

CAPTAIN:
I'm here. I'm here.

What's the emergency?

Uh, looks like Marco
got you again, sir.

Oh, jeez.
That mailbox head.

Well, um, can I play
with you guys?

Not now, sir.

We're about to go out on patrol.

Neat-o! Hey,
I'll make a boxed lunch.

Yeah, you do that.

Uh... Oh.

I get it.

Ditched.

CHILD: Life's a ditch.

Oh, hi, orphans.
Wanna play or, uh...

Shag off!
[BELCHES]

Hmm.

[TO THE TUNE OF BEETHOVEN'S 5th]
♪ Buh-buh-buh-bored ♪

♪ Buh-buh-buh-bored ♪

♪ Buh-buh-buh-bored
Buh-buh-buh-bored ♪

♪ Buh-buh-buh-bored ♪

Bored, bored, bored, bored,
bored, bored, bored, bored...

Bored!

Hey, do you mind?

I'm listening to the radio.

But I'm bored.

Why aren't you listening to me?

Because...

I am listening... to the radio.

[GASPS]

The radio.

You, hey.

[WHISTLES]
Drone.

Uh, yeah.

My name is, uh, Ted,
from accounting.

Well, then you should
know how to launch

the 10-gigawatt
emergency radio beacon.

Uh, no, not really, sir.

I'm Ted. From accounting?

And I've heard great things,
Kevin.

Now, less lip and more launch.

All right.
Okay.

You're the boss.

The beacon

is on the surface, sir.

Are we cool here?

Full power.

Juice that baby all the way up,
Cedric.

Well, it's in the red
now, sir. It's, uh...

[LAUGHING]
You know
what I'm talking...

"It's in the red."

I'm from Accounting.

[LAUGHING]

[CHUCKLING]

Yeah...

Uh...

Uh, no.

No, I don't.

[BEACON PINGING]

Is this thing on?

[FEEDBACK WHINES]

All right, sea monkeys!

This is "Howlin' Mad" Murphy.

You can run, but you can't hide,

because I am live and worldwide

with 10-gigawatts of radio waves
that won't behave,

and you can't ignore me anymore,
people.

[WOLF HOWLING]

I... will... be... heard!

MALE ROCK SINGER:
♪ We're the Name
And we're coming to your town ♪

♪ We ain't here
But to mess around ♪

♪ I'm not there
Till you look 'round ♪

[BEACON PINGING,
LOUD ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]

Captain Murphy, I...

Shh. Coming out.

All right, sea monkeys.

You're on the prowl
with "Howlin' Mad" Murphy,

so get your fignuts on.

MALE VOICE: Fignuts...

Hey, jerk face.

You don't just barge
into the booth

when I'm on the air.

Booth?

Wait a second.

Are you using
the emergency beacon

to run a pirate radio station?

Aw, crap.

Listen, Fignuts.

The tour is either
in the commissary by now,

or in the Howlin' Mad gift shop.

Right. Two things...

One, you're sucking up
all the power.

And two, if the FCC finds out...

So, some shrivelly
bureaucrats make me pay

a stupid fine.

Big deal.

I see you're not familiar
with their new tactics,

which are unspeakably wicked.

[MARCO LAUGHING]

TECHNICIAN: Scanner's
going off, captain.

We've picked up

a pirate radio signal.

Yo, lock in on it, son.

Here at the FCC,

it's our job

to eliminate
ill*gal radio stations

and inappropriate language.

Yeah, well, uh...
thanks a lot

for the [BEEP]ing backstory.

Well, you watch
your [BEEP]ing mouth,

you [BEEP].

Ooh, how can I put this?

Uh...
[BEEP] you. Sir.

[BEACON PINGING]

CAPTAIN: Okay, sea monkeys,

this is "Howlin' Mad" Murphy

and his zany sidekick,
Spark Plug!

Say hey, Spark Plug!

You're supposed to say,
"Hey, Spark Plug."

It's a bit.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[PHONE RINGING]

You're not gonna do it, are you?

No, no, no, Skip.
I am, really.

Uh, you ready?

Yeah.

[SILENCE]

[PHONE RINGING]

Okay.

[PHONE RINGING]

Go ahead, caller.
You're on with the Zoo Patrol.

[ANIMAL NOISES PLAYING]

CALLER:
Hey, this is Larry, from...

[HONK]

Where's Moe and Curly, Fignuts?

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

[HONK]

Anyway...
Yeah?

I got a joke for you,
Howlin' Mad.

Okay.

A priest...
Yeah. Mm-hmm.

A nun...
Sure.

And a rabbi are... Go to hell.

Hey, sea monkeys!

Time for a wacky prank
phone call!

[TELEPHONE DIALING]

You seen the ratings,
Spark Plug?

Number eight, baby,
and climbing.

[RINGING]

MAN:
Fire Tower
Number Seven.

This is Ranger Roger.

How may I help you?

CAPTAIN:
Hey, dummy!

There's a raging forest fire!

What?

All the animals are burning!

Oh, my God.
The cute squirrels!

Ha.

Consider yourself zinged.

CHORUS:
♪ The zing of the day ♪

[ANIMAL NOISES PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]
You got me!

"Howlin' Mad" Murphy,
I love you.

You know,
you're my whole morning.

Oh, stop it. I'm getting misty.

[b*llet ZINGING]

[WOLF HOWLING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I'm a man with the plan
I'm a man on the way ♪

♪ I'm a man with the plan ♪

♪ I'm a man with the plan
I'm a man on the way ♪

♪ I'm a man with the plan ♪♪

[WOLF HOWLING]

We're closing in
on the signal, sir.

And then we'll drop
the hammer, right?

Huh?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.

Uh, yeah, we're gonna
drop the hammer.

Hey, uh, does this
make me look fat?

No.

But your a*s does!

[LAUGHING]

Your a*s...

[STOPS LAUGHING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'll go swab the deck.

[BEACON PINGING]

CAPTAIN: Fignuts...

Hey, congratulations.
You're the fifth caller.

What's your name?

My name's Jack.

Great!

Because that's just
what you're getting...

Jack!

I'm looking
for the sixth caller, jackass.

[b*llet ZINGING]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

"Howlin' Mad" Murphy,
I love you.

You're a bigger suck-up
than that stupid forest ranger.

He's talking about me!

Oh, oh... eep.

[PHONE RINGING ON THE AIR]

This is Howlin' Mad.
Go ahead, caller.

[DOLPHIN YIPPING]

Oh, it's you again,
huh, Dolphin Boy?

Well, cram it, fat stuff.

[BOINK]

[BOINK]

People, people, people.

Nothing makes Howlin' Mad
more mad than fatties.

[PIGS SNORTING]

Captain Murphy, I...

Except maybe this guy.

Hey, sea monkeys,
it's that jerk-face Marco.

[CROWD CHEERING]

What?

Spark Plug,
quit messing up my carts.

[PEOPLE BOOING]

See? You ruined
the timing.

As I was saying...

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

As I was say...

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

As I was...

[MONKEY SCREECHES]

Before I was interrupted...

[PIGS SQUEALING]

[GRUNTS]

I'm pretty sure...

[CAT MEOWS]

[CAPTAIN LAUGHS]
All right.

The FCC has closed in
on your signal.

And you'd...

Shut up.

It's time for
the "I Hate Marco Show."

CHORUS: ♪ I hate Marco
Hate Marco ♪

♪ Hate Marco
And his mailbox head ♪

[PHONE RINGS]

Go ahead, caller.

Tell me why you hate Marco.

Hi, Howlin' Mad.
Yes, sir.

Longtime listener... Mm-hmm.

First-time...
Yeah.

Caller.
Mm-hmm.

The reason I hate Marco is...

Yeah?

He's a mailbox head?

[PEOPLE BOOING]

Oh, yeah, real original.
Sit on it, Potsie.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

I can't believe I choked.

[QUINN AND SALLY LAUGHING]

Freak.

Dumb-a*s.

[PHONE RINGING ON THE AIR]

Okay, caller,
why do you hate Marco?

Attention,

pirate radio station.
Yes, sir?

This is an FCC
Search and Destroy vessel.

Yeah?

And you are violating
FCC regulations.

Mm-hmm?

This is your last chance to end

your [BEEP]ing transmission.

CAPTAIN:
Hey! Hey! Hey!

I don't know who you ladies are,
but I run a clean show here.

Maybe this will clean

your dirty little mouth out,
Fignuts...

[TOILET FLUSHING]

Oh... oh, that really
[BEEP]ing tears it.

Drop the [BEEP]ing hammer.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

[b*mb TICKING]

Flush that, you b*tch.

The hammer! I knew it!

Once again,
your stupidity has k*lled us.

Yeah, I know. Zinged you.

[b*llet ZINGING]

CHORUS: ♪ The ultimate zing ♪♪

[WOLF HOWLING]

[b*mb TICKING]

CAPTAIN: Oh, shi...

Wait a second.

Where was I?

Uh, I think you were
[BEEP]ing an orangutan.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's legal in Tijuana.

Anyway, then that broad,
[BEEP]...

while I [BEEP]ed

with his only [BEEP].

And then we [BEEP]ed.

That's, uh,
one messed up [BEEP].

You watch your [BEEP]ing mouth!

That's my wife
you're talking about.

Wait!
Mom was a [BEEP]?

Aye.

And I wouldn't trade her
for a [BEEP],

or you either, my boy.

You may be the son of a [BEEP],

but by God,
you're my own flesh and blood.

[BEEP]...
[BEEP, BEEP]

[MAN CHUCKLING]

Fignuts.