04x07 - Butchslap

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that's
where you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom
of the sea ♪

Marco: because
do you like it

That everybody thinks
you're a filthy wh*re?

No!
[Weeping]

But it's all I know!

[Weeping]

Ugh!

You don't have
any self-respect!

Don't you know
you're worth more

Than the price
of the two drinks

It takes to get you
face-down giddyup?

You r-really t-think so?

By gosh, debbie!
You're a sealab officer!

And that still means something
in this crazy, mixed-up world!

So, get out there
and earn some respect!

Wait a minute,
where have I heard that?

I will!
[Sniff sniff]

No more
whoring around!
Good!

Gonna lay off the booze
and the pills.

Yup.

Gonna get laser vaginal
rejuvenation surgery.

Super.

And... I'm gonna start
going to church.

Marco: well, you don't
have to go crazy.

I know I've heard
that speech before, but...

Oh! Oh, holy crap!

[Buzzing]

No... No.

No. No.

No, no.

A-ha!

Quinn: why the hell
are you moving out?

First of all,
don't cuss around me.

These ears aren't
garbage cans, mister!

Ha ha ha!
Are you [bleep] me?

Hey! Secondly,
I'm moving out

Because you don't
respect me as a person.

So?
So, that's my point!

To you,
I'm a sexual object.

Yeah.

Well,
for your information,

God did not create me or
the vessel which is my vag*na

Just to be penetrated
by the likes of you!

Ah-ah!

This is a period thing,
right?

Ugh!

Yeah?

Well, I can get
all the women I want!

'Cause I'm on the tv!

Here.

Wow, toys! You don't
want them anymore?

Not since I changed
my sinful ways.

What are they,
like action figure... Whoa, whoa!

What is this
big black thing?

Oh, that's
the malcolm x-caliber.

Probably don't want
to mess with that.

Yeah, maybe I'll just take
them beads

And make a necklace
or something.

Debbie: yeah,
just have fun with it.

Maybe a... Maybe
a friendship bracelet.

Hey, hesh! Time to lean
is time to cl...

[Buzzing]

That big, black one's
their leader.

He tells them what to do,
gives them chores,

Stuff like that.

Missions.

Hey, where'd
your southern accent go?

Oh, I dropped it.
People kept thinking I was g*y.

Hey, shanks!
Missed you at the man hole!

I'm not g*y, letts.

[Pirate accent] arrr,
so we're all dropping
our accents, eh?

Wow! What a welcome
to hong kong!

Yeah, but who's
that big, scary guy?

Maybe he's
our contact, g-15.

Uh, he looks more like
g-90... Years old!

[Growling]

And elvis doesn't like him,
that's good enough for me.

Maybe we should
abort the mission.

What do you say, todd?

My gosh, butch.
You're a sundance kid.

And that still means something
in this crazy, mixed-up world.

So, let's get out there
and protect the jade statue!

Nice job, marco.

Or should I call you todd,

Erstwhile bass player
for the sundance kids?

Oh, man!

Come on, baby.
No!

Leave me alone,
foul tempter.

We'll go down
to the hot tub,

We'll get
a couple drinks in you,

Then we'll get
our freak on.

The only one I'll be
getting my freak on
with is the lord.

What?
So, if anybody
needs me...

Besides you...
I'll be in here,

Praying and... Stuff.

Yeah? Well,
if anybody's qualified

To get down on
their knees, it's you!

Ahem.
Morning, father.

Maybe you'd be
more comfortable
at the black church?

How did you find out
about this?

Oh, a little thing
I like to call,

"Shut the hell up,
I'm asking the questions here!"

First off,
did you score

With any of those barely legal
fortune cookies?

Who else knows
my awful secret?

Nobody! Heh, would I
do you like that?

Sorry, I thought
somebody was gonna barge

In the door there.

We were, and then we realized
this wasn't king of queens.

Ok, chachi?

Ok, where were we?
Oh!

Who else knows
I was a sundance kid?

Besides you two, damn!

Ok, but nobody else
can find out about this.

Why?
You should be proud

Of being a seventies
pop culture icon.

Yeah, like
the beloved erik estrada.

Who?
T.j. Hooker.

Which brings me
to question two,

That show's, like,


I'll be 80
next month.

Hey, happy birthday.

How the hell
is that possible?

Mostly my strict diet
of whole grains

And pterodactyl blood.

Brah!
Well, it's a living!

It's just that I felt
his spirit bursting within me!

This isn't really
that sort of church.

We don't really rip up
the good book

And throw the pages
around, yelling,

"Hey, it's the holy spirit
blizzard."

But I think...

And don't ever bring
those back here.

[Speaking in tongues]

Ahem, sorry.

I'll go ask
for god's forgiveness.

Yeah, maybe he can
breast your code.

Heh heh, I mean,
bless your [beep].

[Clink clink]
ow, what the...

Hey, wait... Wait
a minute! Stop it!

Look at you!

Sipping c*ck
with the devil.

I got a question for you.

What's god got
that I don't got?

I'm so glad
marco convinced me
to change my ways.

Hmmph!
Marco?!

That [bleep] blocking b*stard.

Oh, it's on, now!
It is [bleep] on!

Seriously.
Black church.

Right down there.

So, when they said no
to the bigger trailer,

I bailed on my contract.

How did you walk out
on cartoon network

And live to tell
about it?

Changed my name
and fled to mexico!

Ended up a big star
in a telenovela!

Oh!
Holy bejeezus!

You were fidelito!
What?

From mi amor peligroso?
I loved that show!

Hey, come on, say it!
Say the line!

Ahh, come on,
you guys!

Come on, say it!
Yeah! Do the line!

Well...

bessa mi, mi amor.
Bessa mi mucho!

Oh!
Catch me!

Uh, hate to break up
girls' night in,

But that was, like,


The network doesn't
still care...

No! You don't know
the dark forces
at work here!

If they find out
I'm alive,

They'll make me beg for
the sweet release of death!

Is that a fact?
Ha ha ha!

[Maniacal laughter]

Seriously, dude.
Stop tickling me.

I have a right to be here!

Woman, what in the name of
krashnu's tusks are you doing?

Marking you
as a vile sinner.
But why?

Because you worship
a false god.

For your information,
the teachings of krashnu

Predate your religion
by over 1,200 years.

Well, if he's so great,

Can he get the paint
out of your eyes?

Whoa!
It burns!

So, you gotta
promise me, men.

You won't ever rat me out
to those b*stards!

I promise.
No sweat, dude.

You got it, man.

Plus, you'd have to be

A real low-down
son of a b*tch

To do that, anyway.

Hello, cartoon channel,
um, network?

See, now, that was just
a brady bunch screen flip.

Ok, chachi?

Yeah, but what good
does it do

To de-construct
any of this?

What good is
a newborn baby?

Look, there's a funny
picture of the pope!

Attention on deck!
Inbound vessel!

Huh, wonder who that is.

Why don't you go check?

dios mio!
it's the network!

You guys gotta
hide me before...

[Glass shattering]

Holy bejeezus!
Holy bejeezus!

Nobody move!

You'll never
take me alive!

That's the idea,
fidelito!

Oh, that won't
be necessary, guys.

I mean,
I sincerely hope not.

Prescott!
How'd you find me?

Anonymous call from
one of your colleagues.

Sparks! You son of a...
Hyah!

No, no!
No, no, no, hang on!

Hey, hey!
Aah, my arm!

It wasn't him!

Oh. My bad.

Give me that!

Marco, marco, marco.

Shouldn't have
run out on us.

Are you...
Gonna k*ll me?

No. As tempting
as that is, I'm not,

But you must render
unto caesar.

Ooh! Did I hear
a bible quote?

Oh, my god!

Dude!
Guys...

I know,
she's rubbing them!

Come on, guys.

I've got
nipple stigmata!

I've been touched
by the hand of god!

Ok, back to the task
at tentacle.

You owe the network
one more episode.

How? Are the other
sundance kids
even still alive?

Oh, god, no.
But we've got a plan.

Attention, passengers,

We're about to begin
our initial descent

Into gilligan's island.

Uh, pres,
we got a clean shot here.

Let's go, folks.
Losin' daylight.

Yeah, take them down.

How long have we had this?
Always.

Was anybody planning
on telling me?

There's kind of a lot
we don't tell you.

Wee! Hee hee hee!
Hey, phil!

Can't talk, stormy.

So, we're gonna use
the holodeck here

To insert all of you into
the butch cassidy world.

Computer?
[Boing]

Holy cow,
this thing is terrific!

And you'll need
some costumes.

I mean, seriously.

And then, we'll just
film an episode.

Shotgun in the jet!
Action!

Uh...
Oh, um, sundance kids!

Let's go solve
that, um, mystery!

Yeah! Uh, the mystery
of the, uh, the big bug.

Prescott: yes!
Yes, yes, brilliant!

But I'll be honest,
america, not ready.

This is so brilliant,
it'll never air!

It's laying there
like a turd!

A fat, wet, brilliant turd!

And it's just what
the 18-34s want,

So, you know
what we're gonna do,

We're gonna k*ll
the whole project!

And that's a wrap!

Thanks, everybody,
go home.

Wait! What about
my contract?

Yeah, let me see
a treatment!

Well, long as we're here.

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom
of the sea ♪

Hey, lunch!

God, heal this man.

Cast out the demon of
blindness from him! Heal!

Anything?
No!

sh**t!
Erstwhile sl*t!

Well, guess we'll just have
to pray a little harder!

Unh!