04x12 - No Waterworld

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

Ownage!

[Water gurgling]

No, no, no. sommersby
was a remake of...
Oh, what was it?

Ah, this is gonna
drive me nuts!

Not à bout de souffle?

'Cause that was remade
as breathless...

No! It's not
a godard film!

It's the same as
sommersby, but with...

Oh, oh! le retour
de martin guerre!

Yes! God, thank you!

What the hell
is going on up here?

Our amis de cinema français
meeting.

We have the room
until midi,

So talk to charlene
if vous avez une problem.

Not that.

[Gurgling]

That!

Uh, yeah. We don't know
what that is.

Oh, my god!

But it sure
doesn't look right.

No, this doesn't
look right at all.

Quinn,
what's going on?

Debbie, the men
are talking.

Uh, excuse me?

Stormy: now who's
the tough guy, huh?

Stormy, leave
that damn shark alone!

He brought this
on himself.

[Groans]

All I can think
is maybe an earthquake

Opened a tectonic rift.

But the seismograph
didn't pick up anything.

Seriously, honey,
the men are talking.

Well, then,
I'll just go investigate

And leave you two
to lovingly cup
each other's ba*ls, ok?

If you try it,
you'll lose that hand.

Aah!

I told you
not to mess with it!

My stick!
He's got my stick!

[Grr]

"Debbie,
the men are talking."

I swear to god,
if chicks did it for me...

Say, hey! Foxy mama!

Why don't you come
and get your tan on

With this fine-a*s piece
of hesh meat.

Let me rub some spf
on that beyoncé-licious
bootay of yours!

Rub some spf on this.

Oh, my hesh-meat! Ow!
The pain!

It burns! It burns
with the power of shark!

Ok, can you give him
a wiggle for me?

Yeah. It's not bad
right there.

See? Good as new.

Stick arm stormy.

Hey, how 'bout hooking hesh up
with some of that stick action?

Eh!

[Dolphin squealing]

Well, I'm looking
for water.

If you'd just shut
your bony yap for 5 seconds...

Oh... My... God.

My point,
if you'd shut up,

Is that there's
no more water down here.

I never touch the stuff!

Fish [bleep] in it.
Filthy, filthy creatures!

And so...
And so now...

And secrete a sperm-like
substance called milt!

And so now, I got
like 100 scuba tanks
I don't need.

That's nitrox, paddy.
Very volatile. You get me?

No, I don't, lad.
I'm a bit pissed.

That means
you can sh**t it up
your fat red irish nose

Or sell it to the ira
to blow up english
castles and horses!

Saints be praised,
I'll buy the lot.

♪ Oh, sparksy boy ♪

[Bleah]

Milt. Milt everywhere.

Yes! I am finally gonna be
able to buy a new chair.

You hear that,
mr. Flawed ergonomic design?

You're gone!

Sparks, where's quinn
and shanks?

Debbie, the men and
chairs are talking.

I've got to tell
the others!

Hey, debbie.

Move, pogue!

Holy crap, dude.
Check this out.

Dude, my franks
are getting all dirty.

Stick 'em in there
and wash 'em.

Eh!

Hey, you little...
Give me back my frank!

Aah!

Ah, for [bleep] sake!

Hang on. Hang on.
Ok. Try it now.

[Engine sputters]

Well, don't flood it!

My foot's not even
on the gas!

You've got to give it
some gas!

Do you want to
come do this?

Oh.
What?

Distributor's
not hooked up.

Oh, come on!
Shut up!

Ok, hit it.

[Engine starts]

Now give it some gas.

[Revving]

You hear that?

That's the heartbeat
of america right there!

I found where
all the water went.

What?
Turn that damn
thing off!

Wait! Let me turn
this damn thing off!

I can k*ll anything
with this truck,

Starting with
all the white people!

Ahem. What?

I found out where
all the water went.

There's a force field
or something

Holding it back
all around us.

And...?

What do you mean,
"and...?"

I mean and what's
that got to do with
ol' walkin tall v here?

Argh! Quinn!

Debbie, the men
are doing truck stuff.

Well, excuse me,
your dickness,

But I maybe just made
the biggest discovery

In the history
of hydrodynamics.

Well, only fitting
since you have a ph.d.
In hydrodynamics,

Only, hmm, wait.
That's not your ph.d.
It's mine!

Well, maybe you should
cram it up your a*s
and set it on fire

So the whole world can
see you running around

With your a*s
on fire and go,
"well, a fat lot of good

That ph.d. Is doing,
and with his a*s on fire!"

Why in the world
would he do that?

Are you gonna come
and see this, or...

[Engine revving]

No, no, no! Look! Look!
He's right there!

Here, boy!
Come eat a juicy frank!

You should quit
while you're ahead.

How am I ahead?

Stupid b*stard's
swimming around in there

Laughing his a*s off
with my freakin' arm

Dangling out
of his stupid mou... Oow!

Now he's got your arms
and the franks.

Oh, damn it!
That was my last arm!

Serves you right,
wasting food like that.

You know what we need?

Yeah. We need you to
get that cr*cker-a*s
bull [bleep]

Off of walkin tall v.

No! We need
something to crush.

We've crushed
all the good stuff.

Yeah, but we're
right underneath

The transatlantic
shipping lanes.

So?

So, put the spurs
to her, doc!

[Engine revving]

This whole wall is some sort
of organic polymer matrix.

Amazing.

You know what's amazing
besides I'm making s'mores

Is that for no reason,
you're doing what
quinn normally does,

And he's off doing dumb stuff
like I normally do.

Yeah, well, go figure.

No.

Hey, did you ever see
the abyss?

Yeah. What about it?

So, is it just me,
or is ed harris hot?

Right? With those
steely-blue eyes?

I'll bet
he'd know what to do.

In fact,
I'm gonna call him...

On the phone.

[Roaring]

So, that's your new chair,

And the free as*ault r*fle
what come with it,

And this is all
of what I'm taking?

That is each and every
single last scuba tank
on sealab. Yes, sir.

Yeah, I guess it ain't
really sealab no more,
though, is it?

No, I guess
now it's just... Lab.

All right, then.

All right. Bye-bye.

Ah. Oh, my god.

You see that? See how
it molds to my curves?

That's memory foam, b*tch!

[Boom]

Yes, returning
for ed harris.

[Woman talking
indistinctly]

One of the warner brothers.

Harpo. No... No, zeppo.

Damn, v-dog!
How can hesh thank you?

Oh, just remember me
when your new arms
begin to bear fruit.

Dude, really?

Yes. Figs here
and apples here.

You're a cornucopia
of nature's treasures.

Frickin' awesome!

[g*nshots, shattering]

Yeah! Yeah! Eat that!

Ahh! Yeah, the combination
of sitting...

What in the name
of krashnu's name
are you doing?

Enjoying a little
something I like to call

The fifth amendment.

What? Listen to me.
What is it, kristin?

Oh, kirsten. Does ed harris
pay you to be a b*tch?

[Guffawing]

I've never seen such
a flagrant violation
of maritime law.

How you figure?
We're on dry land.

Thurston, my pelvis
is shattered.

Lovey,
the men are talking.

These readings
don't make any sense.

That is because your machine
cannot comprehend

The power of aquarius.

Who said that?

You may call me
terence trent d'arby.

Although that is not
his real name.

That's quite enough
out of you, nick lachey.

Are you aliens?

No, flaxen-haired terrestrial.
We are aquarians.

Of and for the blue seas,

And you are seeking
an explanation about this?

Uh, yeah. Kinda.

Yeah? Well, why don't
you go ask ed harris

How he'd like
my stick arm up...

Hey!
Hello?

Oh, my god.
It's actually you.

[Man shouting]

I'm sorry.
Do what now?

[g*nshots]

Well, it took awhile,

But I finally
managed to sh**t out

Every single window
on sealab.

Quick, hide me!
Ed harris is on his way
to kick my a*s!

Ed harris?
How does he even know
where you are?

Apparently, ed harris,

In addition to being
a damn fine actor,

Has some sort of high-tech
tracer on his phone.

And having completed
our test,

We shall return the water
to its natural state

In about 5 gurlops.

That's minutes.

Oh! So, I should, like,
warn everybody.

That is up to you,
golden one.

But why would you save
the lives of the men-sexed ones

Who treat you with
such chauvinistic disdain?

Well, i... Because
they're my friends.

You are kind, deborah.

That is why we choose
to reveal ourselves to you.

Really?

Well, that...
Plus those 38-c fun bags!

Ownage!

That's what
I'm talking about, dawg.

Hurry! Back to sealab!

The water's gonna come
crashing back in any second.

You haven't heard
the last of me!

Oh, I bet we have!

[Guffawing]

Well, then, let me
hide in that cabinet.

No, no. You brought
this red-a*s beat down

By 4-time oscar nominee
ed harris on yourself.

Sparks, lock down
the hatches and...

Where are
the damn windows?

I shot 'em all.

Why the [bleep]
did you do that?

It's called
the first amendment.

Come on. We can escape
in deep diver.

Damn! We chopped it up
to build walkin tall v.

Why in the hell
did you...

All: debbie,
the men are talking!

Ok, we'll just have
to put on scuba tanks
and ride it out.

Yeah. Good luck
with that.

Wow, a cataclysmic
tidal wave

And a cameo by beloved
movie star ed harris.

Yeah, this
is gonna be awesome...

Totally.