[audio logo]
[naomi ost, "pocket change"]
(SINGING) Is there a reason
that I don't feel sure
What am I really here for
Is anyone listening
OK.
So we're going to move
on and talk about Sean
O'Casey, the Irish dramatist.
He is one of the
first dramatists
to put urban working
class experience on stage
at the Abby theater in Dublin.
It's the first time a dramatist
has actually given voice
to those people who lack
status, lack economic support,
and lack economic advantages.
He is the person
who allows those...
(SINGING) I'll take
my pocket change
And spend it all on you
Ooh
Is there a reason
that I don't feel sad
Let's save that for later, yeah?
I can't wait that long.
(SINGING) Is there
something missing
[giggles]
Mike, someone might see.
(SINGING) And maybe I could...
Mike and Sophie, give it a rest.
BOTH: Sorry.
Sophie, are you wearing earbuds?
Take them out please.
So the only dramatist
who's thought
about trying to put across a
real working class experience
is Sean O'Casey.
And we're going to
look at the way he
represents those
people suffering
from enormous economic hardship.
Did you enjoy that?
You can't leave me
like this, you know.
I won't.
You just go ahead, and
I'll catch up, right?
What?
I'm just going to pop
to the corner shop.
I mean, we finished
all the... you know.
Uh... there.
Why can't I come with?
My ex works in there, and I
don't want all the hassle.
Just go on ahead.
It's literally a 30-second walk.
OK.
Don't take too long.
And don't f*cking talk
to her. MIKE: We'll see.
We'll see.
I'm serious.
MIKE: [chuckles]
[suspenseful music]
[crows cawing]
Hey.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Managed to sneak
away for a moment.
Yeah, I miss you too.
Well, you know
what my mom's like.
If she even knew I
was speaking to you...
[branch snaps]
[suspenseful music]
I'll call you back.
[screams] You f*cking prick.
p*ssy.
And that's why you never
leave the group on your own.
Rule number one
of survival, bro.
Survival?
We're at a villa retreat.
You know this place
is haunted, right?
Oh, come on, mate,
not this again.
Even your mom knows it.
Why do you think she got
this place for so cheap?
What's she like?
I'll say we're on a six on
the crazy scale right now.
OK. Only a six?
Well, I guess there's plenty
more time left in the day, Cal.
Amen, brother.
Amen.
[footsteps]
What do you think?
Hmm?
About the painting.
Well, I think it gives an
overwhelming sense of dread.
I agree.
Really?
No.
The red emerging behind
the black landscape
represents hope prevailing
through the dread.
The record also represents
love conquering death.
Maybe it's a microcosm
for women's suffrage
through the inherent sexism
bred into society through
generations of male depression.
Who knows?
Art is subjective.
But I was wrong?
Oh, yeah, way off.
Brush strokes are
far too dramatic.
It's more of a caricature
than a piece of art.
I've got you here, cretin.
Ooh, harsh.
INDIA: Since you're here, why
don't you do something useful
and find out where the local
kids club is or something?
Fine.
I'll be sure to pick you up some
more Goth eyeliner on the way
back.
You look like you
ran out this morning.
I still can't believe
your sister is here.
I know.
But my mom wouldn't let
me come without her.
She can't even drink.
What are you going
to do the whole time?
What?
She's 16.
Yeah?
You seriously don't think
a 16-year-old girl from
London has ever drank before?
Anyway, Lily seems pretty chill.
- Does she? - I think so.
You can cancel the search.
I found him.
INDIA: Where the f*ck were you?
Yeah.
What were you actually
doing out there?
Just exploring.
It's a nice area.
All right, Mr. Explorer.
Well, Polly is freaking out.
Ah, sh*t.
Well, where is she?
Upstairs I think.
Back of a pedophile's van.
Andrea.
Mama.
Jesus.
Andrea Luca Carpanese, if you
ever disappear like that again,
I will strangle you myself.
Did she just say he could be
in the back of a pedophile van?
He's 19.
Yes, but he's still
got the face of a baby.
Come on, Mama.
Well, now that crisis is over.
Let's get this party started.
Yes.
This time is for
you guys to relax
and have a break from Hackney.
What happened to
that poor girl was...
It's f*cked up what happened.
Have they found the body yet?
No.
Mike's still in shock.
And now we come to a nice
little haunted house to relax.
No, Callum, this
house is not haunted.
OK?
Imagine you're not even
in England anymore.
You're in the Caribbean.
And this villa and
everything in it
is for you guys to relax but
also to learn a few things.
When is Mrs. Bloomfield coming?
Call her Nancy.
She'll be here a bit later.
There was some traffic
getting out of Kensington.
First name basis with
a celebrity, bro?
I wonder what she's
going to be like.
Probably arrogant like
anyone else who's famous.
No.
I've spoken to her
over the phone.
She seems very
sweet, very modest.
My favorite video of hers is
Arrogance, The Hateful Tree.
Isn't that ironic?
What's that supposed to mean?
[music playing]
I'm going to need your
other phone, Andrea.
Fine.
You know why we can't have this.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because Nancy's
mega-famous, and we can't
film her without getting sued.
Hmm.
You're not mad about the phone?
How can I be mad in
a place like this?
Thanks for sorting
all this out, Mama.
My pleasure, Chichi.
Make sure you look
after that Lily girl.
I don't think she and
her sister get along.
Yeah, I'm surprised India
even brought her along.
Have you got her phone?
What's happening here?
I just told him I haven't
seen Friday The 13th.
And now he won't to talk to me.
The origin of Jason
Voorhees, one of the most
iconic K*llers of all time...
and she claims to be a
fan of serial K*llers.
Preferably real ones.
Oh, sadist.
You don't even know
what a sadist is.
You shouldn't use words you
don't know the meaning of.
Come on, guys, let's make
this a weekend to remember.
I can't believe your mom
threw a shoe at your head.
Yeah, well, years of experience.
I mean, all things
considered, it was pretty hot.
Bro.
That does it for you?
A fiery older woman?
Oh, yeah.
[scoffs]
What?
Careful bro, you can't
kink shame any more.
Ah, Lily, there you are.
Now, I don't know if India
mentioned this to you,
but we all need to
hand in our phones.
Don't have one.
Huh?
I don't have a phone.
I don't believe in them.
POLLY: You don't
believe in phones?
No.
Ask India.
They're just a means
of the government
tracking our whereabouts.
OK.
Well, you still watch Nancy's
videos on TikTok, don't you?
Of course I have TikTok.
I'm not a Neanderthal.
Oh, OK.
What are you looking at?
There's a man outside.
[suspenseful music]
Oh, it's just the gardener.
The landlord said
he might be here.
LILY: Mm-hmm.
What are you writing?
I'm drawing.
I didn't know you drew.
Anything else, Mrs. Carpanese?
No, no, I guess not.
Please call me Polly.
Whatever you say.
Dear, she's even worse
than the other one.
[crow cawing]
So who do you think is getting
lucky this holiday then?
Getting lucky?
Yeah, man, getting lucky.
You know, laying down the
wood, doing the monster mash,
elected mayor of bang town.
Hmm.
Well, there's India.
Hot but scary.
And g*y.
Wait, what?
Yeah, has she not
introduced you to Susie?
- No. - Hmm.
- Guess you're not as close then.
- No, no, no, no, no, man.
People just tell you sh*t.
You got this innocent
gospel vibe about you.
Well, there's Lily.
Ooh, she's got
something about her.
Point taken.
Obviously, my mom.
I can't rule her out.
Oye.
God damn it, man.
I see you throwing things
runs in the family.
Italian anger.
Ah, I see you're
an Italian tosser.
Hmm?
Hmm?
Ooh, what about Nancy?
Hyping a celebrity, that would
be a tick on the bucket list.
You're a weird guy.
Thank you.
Hmm.
We seem to have
skimmed past Keira.
Oh, really?
Ooh, is the great Andrea
Luca Carpanese blushing?
Hey, I just forgot
about Keira, OK?
You know the deal.
We've known each other for so
long, it'd just be a bit weird.
Besides, I've got Haley.
Who?
Haley, the girl from work.
Bro, do you ever listen?
About women?
Usually I do.
Well, met her at work.
We're a bit of a thing.
Not official or
anything, but exclusive.
Does your mom know?
Are you kidding me?
You know how crazy she'd get
if she found out I had a bird.
Ah. [laughs]
Oh, I didn't mean it like that.
CALLUM: Hey, man, you said it.
Go to your room.
NANCY (ON RECORDING): Hello,
everyone, and welcome back
to another episode of The
Fine art of Polite Behavior
with Nancy Bloomfield,
where I, Nancy Bloomfield,
teach people of all ages how
to act accordingly in today's
unforgiving social landscape.
[ominous music]
On today's podcast we'll be
talking about relationships.
What is the appropriate
age to start dating?
KEIRA: f*ck's sake Lily.
Hi, Keira.
KEIRA: What are
you doing in here?
Makeup.
Don't you have your own?
LILY: My mom says
that makeup hides
the imperfections of the weak.
Right.
So you didn't think
of asking your sister?
She's not exactly
the most giving type.
So your next option, naturally,
is to break into my room?
Saves the inconsequential
social interaction
of having to ask you.
Our dad says that if you
have to ask for anything,
you've already made a mistake.
God, you're a weird
f*cking family.
Yep.
What are you listening to?
Nothing.
It doesn't look like nothing.
It's just music.
I listened to that
podcast this morning.
Wait, I thought Polly
took away all our devices.
It's broken, so it can't
connect to the Wi-Fi
or take any pictures.
She said I can keep
it as long as I
use it for learning purposes.
All right.
Well, thanks for the makeup.
Uh, still didn't ask.
It's not Andrea, by the way.
What?
The perfect man.
Andrea is far from it.
Pfft.
Andrea... why would you think...
You and my sister have been
friends for what, 15 years now?
In all that time, I've
never heard you mention
anything about a single boy.
And now you're on
holiday with Andrea,
you happen to listen
to a specific Nancy
podcast about how to
get a boy to like you.
Unless you're
interested in Callum...
Ew, no.
Then, yeah, it's
not rocket science.
[scoffs] Is it obvious?
To a girl, yes.
To a boy, anything but.
Thank god.
Just don't tell India.
She...
Hates him?
Yeah.
If she doesn't know already, she
will figure it out eventually.
I know.
Thanks, Lily, I guess.
NANCY (ON RECORDING):
On today's podcast
we'll be talking
about relationships.
What is the appropriate
age to start dating?
[thud]
What makes the perfect mate?
Until at least the age of 21.
That's not to say that dating
is out of the question.
In fact, dating without
the pressure of having sex
with your date is actually
quite freeing and should not
be frowned upon, even if
your peers are laughing
at you for being such a square.
[suspenseful music]
You must be the gardener.
The landlord said
you might be working.
Always working.
Ah.
I'm Polly.
Nice to meet you.
Charles.
Have you worked
here long, Charles?
Few years.
Oh.
One?
Two?
Wow, that's more than a few.
Don't worry about us
getting in your way.
Just let me know if any of
the kids are bothering you,
and I'll sort it.
Kids?
Yes, when I say kids, they
are all about 19 or 20.
It just makes me feel old.
Do you have any kids, Charles?
Aye, a girl.
How sweet.
How old is she?
Heavy box, not getting lighter.
Of course.
Silly me.
I'll see you around.
Everybody is so weird.
Keira.
Keira will have something
fun to do, right?
Please?
We already struggling
this bad, guys?
It's only been a few hours.
Waiting for a celebrity
to arrive in a villa
is surprisingly dull.
Um, charades?
We tried that.
Callum ruined it. - Right.
You lot not getting the
shower scene from Psycho
is not only a dampen
on all our friendships,
but a crime against cinema.
I knew what it was.
But you didn't have
to get naked for it.
Oh, what can I say?
I clearly take this much
more seriously than others.
Trying to get that
image out of my head.
Mom's having a nap.
We can literally do anything.
And yet there's
somehow nothing to do.
I could tell a story about
how this place is haunted.
You're going to
tell us how a place
called Villa Helen is haunted?
Don't entertain him.
Right.
You know the guy that used to
own this place went insane,
right?
Apparently, he was a
businessman of sorts
and had gotten pretty
f*cking wealthy
despite being born an orphan.
Growing up on the
streets of London
caused him to become a
pickpocket in order to survive,
which is pretty
ironic, isn't it?
People say he was
good at it too.
He even made a name for himself.
But that all changed
when he met his wife.
Helen?
The one and only.
She set him on the
straight and narrow.
And when they got married,
he built her this place.
Unfortunately, she
died right after they
moved in... some
illness I think it was.
In any case, the guy must
have gone mad with grief,
because apparently he
claimed he could hear her
every night calling for him.
So he never moved.
And he wandered these
halls for years, night
after night, looking
for his wife.
After he died, people
claimed that he
was still here, that
you could see him
after dark always searching...
searching for things to
steal and for people.
Wow.
I know.
That's the biggest load
of sh*t I've ever heard.
There's an 11% chance that
spirits and ghosts are real.
There just isn't enough
evidence to support either side.
Thank you.
That's why I went looking
for Andrea earlier
to make sure he wasn't taken.
Well, I guess you're
taken now, hey, buddy?
Dude.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, it's not like
your mom can hear us.
Plus no one here cares.
Yeah, man, bro, no one cares.
See?
Well, I'm kind of seeing
this girl from work.
Poor girl.
Well, just no one told
my mom, all right?
- Alcohol. - What?
We need alcohol.
Now that's more like it.
It's a Friday night
for f*ck's sake.
I don't think I've done a Friday
night sober since I was 14.
Where are we going
to find alcohol?
There's nothing in
any of the cabinets.
Alcoholic.
p*ssy.
The gardener?
We have a gardener?
His name is Charles.
He'll have the alcohol.
And based off these notes I've
been keeping on him since we
got here, it'll be in
the back shed that he
goes back to every 45 minutes.
And you're keeping notes on
this guy's every movement
because...
He's cute.
Women.
[knocking]
I'm coming.
Just a second.
Dear, Nancy.
I'm so sorry.
Have you been waiting long?
You must be Paula.
Polly.
Oh, I'm sorry, Polly.
It's been a very long day.
Oh, I imagine.
You must be exhausted.
I am.
In fact, I could
use a drink or five.
That was a joke, Polly.
[laughter]
I have to say I'm
such a huge fan,
and the kids are all
so excited to meet you.
Oh, I bet.
Oh, and thank you for your
rather generous donation.
Oh, of course, more than happy.
Please come in.
[suspenseful music]
Is everything all right?
Yes.
Fine, just fine.
My room?
Oh, of course.
It's this one here, Lily?
Yes.
Any sign of the gardener?
Not as far as I can see.
f*cking hell, guys, this isn't
exactly a black ops mission.
Open the door, Andrea.
- You open the door.
- You open the f*cking door.
You you have a go, Cal.
f*ck that.
What if there's, like,
a sex dungeon in there?
What's a sex dungeon?
Fine.
I'll open the door.
Yeah, you guys start searching.
I'll be lookout.
[floors creaking]
f*cking hell.
It's a complete mess.
Well, at least this
is a good sign.
All right, guys.
Let's fan out and
find the booze.
[floors creaking]
Are these women's clothes?
Must be quite the player.
Should we tell Polly?
Are you kidding?
She's paranoid as it is.
This is the last thing
she needs to know.
Any luck?
Not yet.
Well, it's all about the
journey, not the destination.
What?
You know, it's all about the
fun of looking for stuff.
We all have our own missions.
It's cool.
Well, I'd rather be
cool and drunk than cool
and in a dingy old shed.
Yeah, fair point.
So this girl from work?
Oh, yeah, her name is Haley.
Well, she's not the same
Haley from Fairview, is she?
That's the one.
The one with the teeth?
Hey, you probably saw her
when she was like, 10.
She's grown out of
them, all right?
I'm sure she has.
Jackpot.
f*cking hell.
I thought we'd
score some whiskey
or vodka if we're lucky.
But this is a whole corner shop.
[bang]
[suspenseful music]
[water running]
[clears throat]
Oh, sh*t.
No sh*t.
It's really you.
It is.
And what do we have here?
My, uh, my welcome gift?
Yes, ma'am.
Hmm, delicious.
Okie-doke, then.
I guess I'll be seeing you
bright and early tomorrow
morning.
Can't believe that d*ck
head lost the booze.
It's all right.
We'll go get some more tomorrow.
Don't you think the
gardener will notice?
By the looks of it, he'll
be too drunk to notice.
[laughs]
It's good having you here, Ind.
It's good having me anywhere.
I'm being serious.
I feel like I've barely seen you
recently with Susie and life.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm always here if
you need to talk.
Thanks, Ind.
You mean a lot to me.
Wow.
And I thought I was the g*y one.
Prick.
How's your dad getting on?
Must be hard for him
with you gone now.
Yeah.
He's still Dad.
He's just... I don't know.
Some little things have changed.
For example, when
I was younger, he
used to go to the off
license every Sunday
to get a copy of
the paper because he
really liked the walk.
He'd always come back
with three things...
the paper for himself,
a magazine for me,
and a rose for Mom.
It was such a small
thing, a tiny thing
that meant nothing at the time.
But now...
It feels like something.
Yeah... like something.
He hasn't done it
once since Mom.
I don't even think he
reads the news anymore.
[somber music]
How are you getting on, though?
I know you and
Sophie were close.
I know.
It's weird.
One day she was
there and then...
you can't lose hope.
She could still be out there.
Exactly.
You're so strong, Ind.
I wish I could be
like that sometimes.
[sighs] Right.
Best be off to bed.
Big day tomorrow.
You're still... you're kind
of nervous, aren't you?
Only a bit.
I mean, I think this whole
thing is a bit bullshit.
But she's still famous as f*ck.
Didn't know you cared
about stuff like that.
Hmm.
I'm like Pandora's box.
Open me up and
see what's inside.
Good night, Keira.
Good night.
[suspenseful music]
[door latch turning]
[suspenseful music]
(WHISPERS) India?
Andrea?
[suspenseful music]
[gasps]
[suspenseful music]
Morning.
Lily, you scared me, child.
Sorry, Polly.
You're an early
bird, just like me?
Mom says that if the
sun is up there's
no reason for you not to be.
Of course, she does.
Besides, Nancy's
here, isn't she?
Oh, yes, she is.
You excited to meet her?
Hmm.
I bet she will impart so
much wisdom onto you girls.
And the boys?
Boys will be boys, my darling.
Rough night.
Have either of you
seen my eyeliner?
Maybe you exhausted the
world's supply yesterday.
India, good morning, darling.
Polly.
I guess famous people
like having a lie in.
I'm sure Nancy will be up soon.
Did you sleep well?
Not really.
Someone f*cking slammed a door
in the middle of the night.
Language!
Couldn't really
sleep after that.
Well, I didn't hear anything.
Did you, Lily?
She's outside talking to Chucky.
Chucky?
Charles, the gardener.
OK, I guess that's fine.
[italian]
[italian]
What's for breakfast?
Ah, that's it?
Not how did you sleep, Mama,
or you look gorgeous, Mama?
You look gorgeous, Mama.
Thank you, Callum.
Andrea, have you
seen my hairbrush?
I thought I left it
down here last night.
Why would I know where it is?
Maybe ask Keira when she's up.
I'll go get her.
You good, bro?
Not too bad, brother.
Not too bad.
Bit weird that.
Yeah.
You reckon she's telling
him about the booze?
Nah.
Lily's a unique girl.
But she's not a snake.
I'm not too sure
about that, Charles.
Yeah?
Yeah, man, seems a little
less Chucky and a little more
Child's Play, if
you catch my drift.
What, just because
he's talking to Lily?
POLLY: How do you like
your eggs, Callum?
Scrambled please, Polly.
I'm not too sure, man.
I just don't get a good vibe.
Like, have you ever seen a 6'
3" chiseled gardener before?
Like, you don't
get to that point
in your life looking like that
without noncing a few kids.
Now, look, Charles
may be a bit weird,
but I'm sure he's harmless.
What are you planting?
Mr. Cunningham,
he likes flowers.
Well, the garden's
very pretty, so...
Thanks.
[suspenseful music]
What's in the box?
Just work stuff.
Cool.
So have you seen it?
Seen what?
The ghost.
Surely, working here, you
must have seen something.
I've seen a lot of things here,
some things you can't explain.
When the lights go out and the
darkness surrounds the house,
it becomes unsettling.
What have you seen?
I've got work to get on with.
You should get a coat.
Oh, of course.
Sorry.
[suspenseful music]
[ominous music]
[knock on door]
What the f*ck are you doing?
Rough night.
Rather not talk about it.
All right.
Polly is asking for you.
The first Nancy
lesson starts soon.
I'll be there in five.
All right.
You good?
Yeah. Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
Good.
Now we're all here.
It is my pleasure to
introduce the TikTok
sensation, the master of
grace and decorum herself,
Miss Nancy Bloomfield.
You may applaud.
[applause]
Greetings, everybody.
Such a pleasure meeting you.
I am Nancy Bloomfield.
But please, just call me Nancy.
Politeness and formality are
two very different things.
Now, Polly has invited me here
to spend some time with you
lovely young people to
teach you some things
about how to behave.
Now I know you're
sitting there thinking,
who is this old bag trying to
tell me how to live my life?
Pretty much.
NANCY: I respect your
candor, sweetheart.
What's your name?
India.
NANCY: Well, the
fact is, dear India,
you may have noticed that
manners and proper etiquette
are unique in this day and age.
At a time when most
things come with a sort
of price, politeness
and respect of one
another costs virtually nothing.
Wow.
Very inspiring, huh?
Um, Miss Bloomfield?
Nancy.
Yes, Nancy.
In your line of
work, what do you
think of physical punishment?
In what regard?
If I disrespected one of them...
let's just say, for argument's
sake, I was a naughty boy.
Would you punish me?
Well, if that aspect of
my work interests you,
I would be happy to
give you a one on one.
But for now please allow
me to return to the lesson
I have planned.
CALLUM: (WHISPERS) A one on one.
ANDREA: (WHISPERS) Shut up.
Now then, my young friends,
this is the Galateo.
Kudos to anyone who
can tell me what it is.
Oh, here we go.
Please.
What's your name, sweetheart?
Lily.
Lily, please continue.
The Galateo is an Italian
guide on social behavior.
It was written by Florentine
Giovanni della Casa
and published in 1558.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the human Wikipedia.
NANCY: Well done, Lily.
That's absolutely correct.
And I'm actually surprised
you used that term
"ladies and gentlemen."
Because since I arrived, I've
only seen boys and girls.
Exactly.
Now if you would follow
me into the dining room,
I will take you through some of
the more pertinent exercises.
[door bell rings]
I'll catch up with you kids.
Hello, Mrs. Carpanese.
Mr. Cunningham, I was wondering
when you were going to pop by.
How are you finding my villa?
Oh, it's quite lovely.
[italian]
And Charles has been
treating you well?
Well, he's a man of few words.
But I can't complain so far.
Good.
Good.
Charles has nearly worked here
as long as I have, you know.
It's just a shame what happened.
What do you mean?
Oh, god damn it, I don't
forget to tell you, did I?
Charles, he... he unfortunately
lost his daughter last year.
Poor girl, 15 years or so only.
Oh, dear.
Yes.
So just be patient with him.
He's a harmless chap
when you get to know him.
Thank you for telling me, sir.
That's quite all right.
What with the history
of death in this house,
it's just horrid.
The history?
Well, yes, you know,
there's quite a tale about
a previous owner of the house.
The ghost?
One of my boys, Callum, he
has told me about this plenty
of times I'm afraid.
A silly story.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
My dear, this is the truth.
Well, I will keep a look out
for any ghost, Mr. Cunningham.
I could give you a tour for
an extra 50 pounds or so.
I'm so sorry.
I've got to get back
to the children.
Of course.
Silly me, rambling on.
Well, you have my number
if you need anything.
But I'll be unavailable
over the next few days
as I'm taking my sister
to the Cotswolds.
Oh, how lovely.
The Cotswolds.
Well, I have to get back.
Of course, of course.
Well, you enjoy your stay.
Thank you.
So now that we have finished
with the introduction,
it's time to move on
to my favorite part.
This is where we put our rather
lengthy reading into practice.
Let's say we are all
attending an exquisite dinner
party with prestigious guests.
Oh, this will come in handy
with all the dinner parties
I'll be throwing.
You never know, dear.
Tell me, gentlemen,
what is the first thing
you do when dining with a lady?
Get them drunk.
f*ck, yeah.
Not quite, Callum.
Alcohol consumed by
both men and women
should be done in moderation.
Now, your first mistake
was when we all sat down.
When dining with a
lady, you must always
pull her chair out for her.
Ah, the pull out method...
something I believe
Callum is well aware of.
Oh, I am a master
at this etiquette.
[laughter]
That's great.
You'll have to give me
a demonstration later.
Andrea, now, using your
Italian, how would you prepare
your guests for their meal?
I guess I'd lay out the cutlery.
And how?
Hmm.
Almost.
Allow me to show you
the very precise way
in which one lays the cutlery.
Anything else?
Uh, serve them food
and say bon apetito.
Ah, there's your second mistake.
The Galateo points
out very clearly
that one must never say "bon
apetito" or "bon apptit,"
as most people do these days.
The reason for this is that
the origin of the expression
comes from the
wealthy landowners who
gave their peasants
food, drenching
it in a stigma of the rich
looking down upon the poor.
So you're saying
maybe we shouldn't
live our lives based on a book
written hundreds of years ago.
I don't know.
The Pope seems to be making
a k*lling from doing that.
[laughter]
Of course, times change, India.
And it is common knowledge
that the rules of chivalry
in this text may well be
based on a time when women's
roles were more tailored to...
Bearing children and
not having opinions?
Let's just say they
had limited options.
Limited options is
my saving grace.
Right.
I see we've come to the end
of our proverbial tether.
For tomorrow's
discussion, I would
like you to go through your
printout of the Galateo
and highlight your
favorite passages.
Thank you, Nancy.
[suspenseful music]
f*ck me, man, it's
cold out here.
Let's just get the booze
and get out of here.
Bro, I'm really sorry for
losing the ball earlier.
That's OK, man.
It happens.
It's just that she was wearing
that beautiful blouse of hers.
And she just looked so good.
I actually she can't
believe how fit she is.
Hey, man, I'm proud of you.
CHARLES: Yo.
Oh.
Hey, Charles.
Don't think we've
officially met?
I'm Andrea.
And this is my friend Callum.
Hey, dude.
I really like your overalls.
Where were you headed?
ANDREA: Man, just
out for a walk.
It's a lovely area.
CALLUM: Just beautiful.
Really well maintained, buddy.
[suspenseful music]
It's dark out.
Don't think you two want to
be out here when it's dark.
Why not?
[suspenseful music]
Hey, man, we should
go do that thing.
What?
The thing, man,
the f*cking thing.
I always talk about
the bloody thing.
There's something not
right about that guy, man.
Hey, Keira, can we speak?
Yeah, of course.
I guess I'll go for a piss then.
Sounds great, man.
Rude.
What's up?
Are you OK?
You seemed a bit
off this morning.
Oh, I didn't sleep
very well last night.
Yeah, me neither.
Those beds were really hard.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad to
hear you're OK.
[music playing]
Me and Cal couldn't get into
Charles's stash, though.
That's too bad.
I'd k*ll for a
drink around here.
Yeah, tell me about it.
But you're probably better
off without one anyway.
What do you mean?
What?
Keira Turner, the biggest
lightweight on the planet.
Doesn't ring a bell?
I am not.
Do you not remember
Callum's 18th?
You bought me so many
f*cking shots, man.
Don't put that on me.
That was such a good night.
[suspenseful music]
Not right, is it?
f*cking hell, Pol.
How long have you
been standing there?
I'm not a fan of that.
Preaching to the
choir here, Pol.
Excuse me?
I'm on your side.
That is not OK.
So what do we do?
You got any naked baby
pictures of Andrea?
You know, the ones
where his thing's tiny?
Sadly not.
He was such an adorable little
baby, but so camera shy.
Well, that's the best I got.
What have you got?
We could shave all
of Keira's hair.
Jesus, Pol, that's a bit dark.
Fine.
But we have to
think of something.
Hmm.
Sadly, I think we have to let
them make their own mistakes.
Really?
Yeah, I think so.
Let them f*ck it up themselves.
I like that.
That's good.
I'm wise beyond my years.
What can I say?
This is bullshit, man.
Look at this.
Chapter 7, how one should
dress in order to not show
disrespect to others.
f*ck me.
I can't believe you've worn
our matching socks today,
Callum.
I know, Andrea.
I'm so sorry.
Could you ever find
it in the bottom
of your heart to forgive me?
Never.
We must now duel to the death.
Ah!
I like Nancy's stuff
online, but this is just...
Boring.
Where's Lily?
Probably in her room doing work.
How are we getting on?
Brilliant, Polly.
Loving it, Mama.
Listen, guys, I know this isn't
what you want to be doing here.
And I don't want to be...
how you say it...
a clench bum?
Tight a*s.
A tight a*s.
Yes, that's it.
Thank you, India.
It's just that I
want to protect you.
But I have also realized
that you are so young.
I'm sorry for being like this.
So to say sorry,
please have fun.
We can worry about the Nancy
stuff tomorrow morning.
Thanks, Pol.
You're the best, Polly.
Thanks, Mama.
You didn't have to.
But I wanted to, Chichi.
Have fun.
Let's get f*cked up!
[upbeat music]
[chatter]
[muffled upbeat music]
CHARLES: What do you want?
Um, this is for you.
We thought you deserved it.
Thanks, but... well,
I'll have this tomorrow.
Cool.
Any special occasion?
Yes.
[suspenseful music]
[door slams]
[upbeat music]
[distorted music]
[heavy breathing]
[floor creaking]
[laughs] Stop it.
I don't know.
I literally just came for Keira.
What she's got us doing
here is so f*cking boring.
[suspenseful music]
I miss you too.
I know it's only
a few more days.
[birds chirping]
Lily, have you seen
my mom's necklace?
I can't seem to find it.
Lily, are you OK?
India's gone.
What?
What do you mean she's gone?
I can't find her.
We can't find her anywhere.
[sobs]
Come on, pick up.
Pick up!
[italian] Why
aren't your parents
picking up the phone, Lily?
They have training on Sundays.
They won't be back
until tomorrow.
Training on Sunday?
[italian]
No luck outside.
She's not here, guys.
What's going on?
POLLY: We can't
seem to find India.
- What? - It's OK.
We'll find her. KEIRA:
Oh, easy for you to say.
ANDREA: What's that
supposed to mean?
- You two hate each other. - So?
Doesn't mean I don't
want to find her.
Look, she's probably just
gone into town or something.
- What if... - Don't.
What?
I know what you're going to say.
Fine, I won't.
Say it.
What if it was the ghost?
It's not the f*cking ghost.
Pardon me, there's a ghost here?
Can we stop talking
about this f*cking ghost?
Sorry, Mama.
Sorry, Pol.
Please, no panic.
We need to think rationally.
Nancy, can you go
speak to the gardener
and see if he saw anything?
I'll do it.
POLLY: OK.
Fine.
You guys, India's phone is gone.
Is there anyone India
would have contacted...
a friend, a boyfriend?
Well, there's Susie.
OK, Susie.
What's her number?
Don't look at me.
What about her socials?
She doesn't have any.
She's basically off the grid.
Fine.
You guys go outside to look
for anything that might help.
We just...
POLLY: I know.
Check again.
OK, Mama.
How did I f*ck up
so badly, Nancy?
Children are difficult.
I should know.
I made a career out of it.
[knocking]
LILY: Charles?
Charles.
Tell me everything.
What?
Everything.
I want to know everything
about this f*cking ghost
and why it took my sister.
What... what happened
to your sister?
LILY: You tell me.
You know everything about
this house and the weird sh*t
that goes on.
Quit being mysterious
and f*cking tell me!
You're strong headed, girl.
It reminds me of someone.
Well?
I'm going to be real with you.
It's all bullshit.
What?
The ghost, the story,
it's all bullshit...
a lie Mr Cunningham
came up with to get more
people to come to the house.
But what about all our things?
The ghost pickpocket?
Look, I'm ashamed to admit
it, but I stole those.
He makes me do it to keep
up the story of the house.
I don't understand.
I'm sorry, I am.
But don't have a clue about
what's happened to your sister.
Here.
I'll pull the stuff I
took in the shed tomorrow.
Not today.
It's an important day.
Thanks, I guess.
CALLUM: What's that?
ANDREA: Tire marks?
But only one?
So a motorbike.
But nobody here
drives a motorbike.
But you know who does.
Susie.
Well, that settles that then
Are we really going
to settle for that?
It doesn't add up.
Why would she leave
Lily or the rest of us?
I know she's your friend, Keira.
But you know what she's like.
She flops on any motive.
She is a serial flopper.
So I would assume so.
Anyways, let's go tell Polly.
Are you coming?
I'll catch up in a sec.
Suit yourself then.
[suspenseful music]
[footsteps]
[footsteps]
[knocking]
Oh, hi, Callum.
Hi, Nancy.
What can I do for you?
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
I just thought we'd let you
know that we think India got
picked up by her girlfriend.
So, you know, crisis averted.
Would you like to come in?
Uh, sure.
Wow.
I really like what you've
done with the place.
[suspenseful music]
Nancy, Nancy, please.
[intense music]
What the actual f*ck?
That's how hard I want it.
What?
That's how hard I
want it when we f*ck.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus can't help you now.
Oh, f*ck.
No way.
This is actually happening.
Oh.
Oh, it's happening.
It's happening.
CALLUM: Just like that.
Yeah, just like
that. NANCY: Harder.
Harder.
Grab me harder.
CALLUM: Yeah, like that?
NANCY: Or do you want
me to grab you harder?
[suspenseful music]
[gasps]
Andrea?
What are you doing?
Couldn't sleep.
So you thought you'd
just Freddy Krueger
your way into my bedroom?
ANDREA: Yeah, basically.
How come you get
the nicest room?
Because I'm the coolest,
and the funniest,
and the prettiest.
[scoffs] You're not wrong.
I was scared today.
This might sound bad.
But the whole time
we were looking for,
India, all I could think about
was what if that was you.
[music playing]
Andrea.
[moaning]
[screams]
[suspenseful music]
[grunting]
[intense music]
Polly, you're the only one up?
Polly?
Oh, my god, Polly, what's wrong?
Are you OK?
Polly, what's wrong?
Andrea, [cries] mi bambino.
[sobs]
He's gone.
What?
Andrea's gone?
Lily, what's happening?
- I don't know.
We all woke up and
we can't find Andrea.
He's not anywhere.
f*ck.
I'm calling the police.
This is all too f*cked.
All our phones are gone.
No one knows what's happening.
I'm going to go talk to Charles.
OK.
Where's Callum?
Gone to talk to Nancy, I think.
[sobs]
Nancy!
Nancy! It's Callum.
Open up!
Come on, it's pretty urgent!
Nancy!
Oh, f*ck this.
I'm going in.
Uh-oh, busted.
What the f*ck is going on?
Who the f*ck is this?
It's Brandon, man.
Very nice to meet you.
Nancy?
Oh, not now, babe.
I have the most vile hangover.
Oh.
Heavy one, last night.
We were f*cked up.
Well, you could say she
was f*cked when I got up.
You know what I'm saying?
Anyway, got to go.
Baby, I'll see you later.
Hmm.
[moaning]
So pretty.
Damn.
Nice meeting you, brother.
Ciao.
Of course, he rides a motorbike.
f*cking as*h*le!
What, you thought you were
the only guy I had going?
Somebody's full of themselves.
And f*ck you too.
Ow.
Oh.
What's up with you?
I'd rather not get into it.
Where's Polly?
Sleeping upstairs.
Bless her, I thought she
was going to pass out.
It's been a f*cked
up couple of days.
Lily, what's going on?
It's Charles.
I can't find him anywhere now.
First India, then
Andrea, and now Charles?
It doesn't make any sense.
Maybe Charles is
behind all this.
I mean, he's a bit
of a f*cking weirdo.
No, I don't think it's him.
CALLUM: Is that what
you're going off, a hunch?
Ghosts don't need any
reason to take people.
- f*ck's sake. - What?
It's not the ghost.
How would you know?
Yesterday, you said
you were on board.
Charles told me
it's all bullshit.
The owner made it all up
to get people to stay here.
Charles has our sh*t.
What?
Where is it all?
He said he'd put it
in the back shed.
He gave me the key.
Well, I'm going to
get my necklace.
Maybe our phones are out there.
Let's go!
Charles?
Charles!
He's alive, but I think he
might have been drugged.
I'll go get some water.
See if you can find the phones.
[suspenseful music]
[gasps]
Lily!
Nancy!
Help, please!
What in the hell are you
girls shouting about now?
Please, you don't understand.
Nancy, run!
Oh, a prank, really?
You can't film me
without my consent.
[screams]
[suspenseful music]
What was that thing?
It's not a thing.
It's a person.
Get that nightstand.
[suspenseful music]
The door.
Keira, can't we just
go through the door?
It's broken.
[suspenseful music]
[screams]
[grunts]
[suspenseful music]
[grunts]
Polly?
Why?
Why?
[groans]
You will never believe what
a mother will do to protect
her son from b*tches.
[groans]
[gasps]
[somber music]
Poor, Keira, you always
had the worst hair.
[somber music]
POLLY: I don't
know what happened.
He just snapped.
He stole all those
things from us.
Poor children.
I managed to subdue
him, but I was too late.
OFFICER: Thanks, ma'am.
We're so sorry for your loss.
Andrea.
We found him locked in a
box in the gardener's house.
Mama, what happened?
[italian], Chichi.
Mama is here.
[music playing]
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