Birdeater (2023)

[bunniefuu]

[growling string ensemble]

[romantic flute theme]

[propulsive, romantic score]

Chicken or catch of the day?

What if it's a bad day?

What if they only

catch like... eels?

[Louie laughs]

Uh, well, no, I don't think so.

I think we're working

off different numbers.

I'm gonna go see Dad tonight.

Oh, okay.

Should I come?

[romantic score continues]

Sorry, I'll be quick.

IRENE: No, take your time.

He's your Dad.

He's your dad soon.

Love you.

[romantic score builds]

[moaning]

Adult.

Spectator.

That's not funny. No. No.

[Irene scream-laughs]

Hey, I've got to go to the

office tonight. Fire training.

Even when you're

not in the office?

I still need to know how to get

out if a fire happens, apparently.

[romantic score builds]

[romantic score crescendos]

LOUIE: I dunno, name

cards. Kinda naff, right?

Boy, girl, boy, girl.

Irene, I'm not supposed to

be dragging you through this.

No, I know. It, it's not

that. I'm, I'm excited.

It, it's really exciting.

I'm just feeling a bit...

I dunno, like...

like overwhelmed.

Maybe?

Never might let, let's

talk about this later.

Okay.

Did you say,

were you going to say you

needed to be somewhere tonight?

Oh, um, I left some

stuff at Dad's but

I don't have to go tonight.

Okay.

[slow-tempo dance music]

Watch this. Watch this.

Look...

The music lines

right... up... here.

[bassline begins]

She's dancing to it.

Wanna be a member?

Wanna be a member?

Um, Murph?

Look, I had an

idea. It's for Irene.

Something, something special.

But I just need a mate on the inside

and you were the first person I thought of.

- Me?

- Mm.

Bucks party. Next weekend.

Sound good?

[vaping]

Wanna be a member?

Wanna be a member?

Can you stay?

[pill popped]

I didn't mean to upset you

about the wedding the other day.

You didn't. You

shouldn't be on your feet.

I'll be quick.

I just want you to

be happy, you know?

Me too.

Hey, um, listen...

I've been thinking about what

we talked about the other day,

and you were right.

It's a lot. It's too much.

Everything's just too much.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, yeah.

But listen, I, I had an idea.

I want you to come

to my bucks party.

What, you want me to

come to your bucks party?

Yeah, I think it'll be

really great if you're there.

I can invite Grace,

so you're not alone.

It'll be super modern, you know.

It'll be, it'll be fun.

But should, should

we really be doing that?

I mean, shouldn't, should

we just stop now and,

and think about how we

want to do things, you know,

before we go any

further, right, like...

I think it's getting to us.

The planning, the

headache, you know?

I think we need something

to take our minds away from it.

Something to, you know, remind us

why we're doing this in the first place.

Let's have some fun and

then, uh, clear our minds,

and then, hey, when we come back,

we can figure out what to do together.

Hey, when I told the boys you

were coming, they got so excited.

You need me to stay?

[soft whimper]

What are you doing?

I'm not going anywhere.

["Love is a Jungle"

by Peter Ivers plays]

Don't struggle.

Don't struggle.

Don't struggle

if love is a jungle

Don't struggle

if love is a jungle

Love is jungle Ooh

the passion's on

["Love is a Jungle" continues]

[car drives on dirt road]

[intriguing saxophone melody]

Am I supposed to go in

for the hug or the kiss?

Just talk to her like a

normal person, all right.

Don't bring anything up.

Don't get, you know, digging.

Girl stuff.

Exactly. Just normal

stuff. I don't know.

Ask about her

dress or something.

Yeah right. Just anything

except her actual relationship.

Even though that's exactly

what we're here to celebrate.

Look, I'm just asking you

to keep it down, all right?

I'd appreciate it if you two could

pass the Bechdel test tonight.

It's hard enough bringing

a girl to a guy's thing.

It's fine.

I don't need your

supervision, just...

don't abandon me, all right?

I wouldn't do that.

Is that...?

[intriguing saxophone returns]

No.

[very loud horn]

- Oh my God!

[more intriguing saxophone]

CHARLIE: You shouldn't do that.

It's bad for you.

What?

I'm just saying.

I'm just saying

it's bad for you.

Why have you always got to

make things so awkward, mate?

- I'm not.

- Yeah you are.

- No, I'm not.

- You insist on it.

I don't.

I'm just sitting here, aren't I?

Having a quiet moment.

- Something wrong with that?

- No.

- Something weird about that to you?

- No.

Then why are you

getting so wound up for?

I'm not wound up.

Yeah. You're being very agro.

- I'm not even saying anything

- Is he like this with you, Grace?

I'm not even saying anything.

You're getting very

flustered right now.

- I'm not getting flustered.

- We're lost.

And you're getting flustered.

Don't take it out on me.

I'm not lost. You're lost.

I'm not lost, mate.

Dart and a cup of

coffee. Just let me enjoy it.

You don't have a coffee.

Where'd you get a coffee from?

Where would I get a

cup of coffee from, mate?!

Look around us!

We're lost. I'm

lost. You're lost.

Look at this, there's a

f*cking dead end down there.

Where are we gonna get a

cup of coffee around here?

Well...

Where are we gonna get a

cup of coffee around here?

I'm just asking

where you've got...

Where are we gonna get a

cup of coffee around here?

Mate.

You're, you're tripping

me out a little bit.

- I just...

- Stop yelling.

I just dunno why you'd say you have

a coffee when you didn't have one.

I was painting a story, mate.

- I was creating an image of a moment.

- It's a weird thing to do.

- You're so tense.

- I just don't know why you'd...

Relax.

Just relax, okay?

He makes things

awkward, doesn't he?

You have a habit of that.

- Well...

- Hey!

It's so crazy to see you.

What?

It's a nice

surprise, that's all.

When did you get back?

Where are you living?

Well, my sisters not using her room

anymore so it makes sense that I move in.

Kind of a genius move.

She left her TV, so

got a free TV.

Can watch whatever I want.

I didn't know you had a sister.

Yeah, hey, maybe

Irene invited her too?

Mate.

Are you nervous?

CHARLIE: Why

would she be nervous?

Well because girls

don't go to buck's parties.

I think it's very modern.

What, tell me it doesn't feel like f*cking

Yoko Ono is organising this get together?

I think it's nice. I think she

just wanted to be involved.

You think this was Irene's idea?

To have the girls around?

Well he has had that

type of effect on girls.

It's true, they tend to

be a bit, uh... invested.

Clingy is what he's saying.

I remember Irene trying pretty hard to

break up with Louie not that long ago

if that's what you

mean by clingy.

Yeah, but that was before

the whole like, you know?

Oh yeah. No, I heard about that.

Heavy stuff.

It's a miracle Louie's alive.

Mm.

Wait, you do know

what happened, right?

Hey, I'm gonna ride with

Dylan. He knows the way.

- What?

- Follow us.

CHARLIE: Just

relax man. It's fine.

DYLAN: I don't f*cking

know about that mate,

I don't f*cking know

about that at all.

- He's completely fine.

- What the f*ck!

You were there!

What f*cking happened, man?

I don't f*cking get that!

I don't understand!

Yeah, I do now.

f*cking easy! Sweet.

["Bushfire" by

Johnny Ashcroft plays]

There'll be many a heavy heart

tonight before this night grows old

And many a soul will weep

tonight before his story's told

For the southern skies alight with

flames there's a bushfire running free

- You smell nice.

- Do I?

Yeah, what are you wearing?

Hello, mate.

Did you ever see a big man cry?

Have you ever seen a strong man die?

Good to see ya.

Yeah, you too mate.

That's very pretty.

f*ck off.

Bucks!

["Bushfire" continues]

I'll take you inside.

Oh, ah, Grace. Not

that one. You guys are...

- Oh, sorry!

- That's OK.

Back here. You alright?

Yeah.

Settle down big guy.

I'm excited.

[checking lock]

Shalom, brother.

Ah.

Name's Murph.

Looks like we're

shacking up here together.

Not that I mind.

Come on then, mate.

Give us a hand.

[song ends]

Go on then. How was Mexico?

Pretty f*ck-eyed.

You should come with me next

time, make a honeymoon out of it.

Yeah, Irene would love that.

Mate, I was walking around, with a

semi poking out the bottom of my boardies

like, like it needed

air, mate. Like it was,

"Hey!"

Yeah, please go see a doctor.

I did. Look what he gave me.

This is technology, mate.

It's in pills now.

Thought I'd give my

nose a break. Sick, right?

Special K.

Huh?

First letter, K.

For ketamine.

Studs, right?

Dude.

Dude, no.

What? Irene's here, mate.

The girls are here. We can't.

No Dylan. No. No, no.

No this, okay? No nothing.

No funny business. All right. It's

not the type of night tonight, okay?

It's your first and

your last warning.

Yeah?

[mysterious flute]

[playful clarinet]

- Get your tomies on this.

- Hey shush. What are you doing?

Hey, we're all set to go. I printed

off the words and everything.

Hey, come on.

So it's all, it's all legit.

Yeah, as far as the eyes of

the law are concerned, bro,

I'm as certified as they come.

You just let me know

when you want me to do it,

- and I'll drop the hammer.

- When do you reckon? Dinner?

Before dinner.

An aperitif. Fine choice, sir.

God, I'm so nervous.

It's okay.

Okay, before dinner.

That's when we'll do it.

Remember, okay. Alright.

Before dinner.

[more mysterious flute]

LOUIE: You doing okay?

IRENE: Doing okay.

LOUIE: You know if you wanted

me to send everyone home, I would.

Wouldn't even be a big

deal. Want me to do that?

IRENE: No. No, this will be fun.

I'm excited.

LOUIE: Feeling good?

IRENE: Feeling good.

Look how small it gets.

It's not that small.

Oh, hey, hey.

- Hi.

- Hi.

So long...

- Hey.

- Hi Murph.

- Hi.

- LOUIE: G'day.

Oh, um, I thought you

wanted him to be here.

- Hi.

- SAM: Hey!

Hi!

- Hi.

- Hi.

Um, uh, you all know Sam?

- Hi.

- CHARLIE: Nice to meet you.

Oh, no, we've met.

Youve just forgotten.

Oh, no, of course.

At the, uh, at the, the...

SAM: Tiki Night.

Yeah, the, the Tiki Night.

DYLAN: Fellas! Wooo!

Here we go.

- Cheers.

- Cheers!

Uh, fire's not

gonna light itself.

[intriguing jazz]

[whisper] Hey, pst.

Go talk to her, you loser.

DYLAN: Grace! Grace!

No.

- Grace, Grace, Grace...

- Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.

- Come on.

- No.

What would Jesus do?

I love your dress.

Oh, thank you.

[jazz picks up pace]

Ah, delicious. Okay.

LOUIE: They've known

each other for ages.

They went travelling

when Irene first arrived.

MURPH: I can see

you're worried about it.

LOUIE: I'm not

worried. I invited him.

I knew this guy once.

Met him at a convention.

He reckons he knew

how to, you know, tell,

just by looking at two people

in the same space together.

Whether they've had sex, I mean.

What, um, convention?

He reckons people can be

trained how to see pheromones.

Learn how to see them in the

air. Do you know pheromones?

Like, energies. Sexual energies.

Yeah, yeah.

They're everywhere.

He reckons, if two

people had sex,

their pheromones would join

up and party, like old friends.

And if you look closely...

closely...

Like hot air, rising

off a long road,

you can see them...

yeah...

yeah...

and...

nup!

I don't see it.

Fancy seeing you here.

Hectic, isn't it?

Yeah, it kinda is, though.

I'm surprised he invited you.

I'm even more surprised

you actually came.

So this is some kind of

immersion therapy approach?

I'm kidding.

I mean no one really

remembers that stuff anyway.

It's like...

recent history.

MURPH: So what's the deal?

Are you planning on

heading home anytime soon?

Louie hates London.

Too many people. Too social.

I love it here.

Easier to stay

when you're married,

But you know

that. if you didn't...

your visa would be

running up soon, no?

Come here. Come

here. I got stamina.

That was a waste.

[squeal] REEEEEEEEE!!!

Put it, no! Put it down!

So is this the game?

Squealies.

You look at the squealer,

finish your beer,

you got the squeal.

Oh, so now you've

got the squeal.

[squeal] AAAHHH!!

DYLAN: Hey Charlie, catch!

k*ll the dill with the pill!

DYLAN: I'm gonna

get ya! I'm gonna...

CHARLIE: I got a broken arm!

[scream] Aaahh!

Play, um, yeah, yeah, that

band with the four blokes

and it goes like, um,

[poor singing]

The Beatles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[mumbled singing]

Oh, hang on.

Nah, yeah, play, uh,

play something.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

No, no, no, no.

CHARLIE: This is what happens

when you don't do an apex.

IRENE: Hi.

DYLAN: I'm gonna get more shots.

I'm coming back!

DYLAN: This mezcal

doesn't come back up.

Dylan, Dylan...

DYLAN: Oh man, science.

I love f*cking science.

- I need to get more shots.

- I think you're okay.

Woo!

I got to get more...

[discordant marimba]

No, that was it. You had

the E right. That was...

I think we're gonna need

to stick together tonight.

Why is that? Something planned?

No, I just wouldn't be

surprised, you know.

Why? What, what's happening?

I mean, I don't know.

I mean, haven't you

seen them talking?

I don't really understand.

Can you just tell me?

Well, I just, like,

I'm just saying I

don't really, um...

I don't know for sure.

Non-negotiable.

No.

It was expensive.

It wasn't expensive.

You're wearing it. Relax.

What would the girls think?

DYLAN: It's funny as, who cares?

There's nothing more, mate.

It's just this,

it's a bit of fun.

For us?

[kiss]

Everything alright?

Bit much to drink?

No. No, I'm fine.

[laugh]

Oh, yeah, this, um...

It's Dylan's idea.

If I just, uh, leave it on the rest of

the night, though, it'll keep him happy.

He's easy to please.

Oh, um, let's just

sit for a minute.

Yeah, feel free. I'm

gonna head back.

Oh, please.

It's just, um...

Do you mind not waving

those pills around?

I just don't want

to concern anyone.

I won't be waving them around.

- Okay.

- It's fine.

Okay.

Did you, did you take more?

It's fine. Don't worry.

It has nothing to do with you.

I just don't want anyone

getting concerned, you know?

They won't know about it.

I promise.

["Bird's Lament"

by Moondog plays]

[tribal chanting]

[laughing]

[chanting continues]

[saxophone intensifies]

[slurred chanting]

MEN: Boys! Boys! Boys! Boys!

[laughing]

[squeals] EEEE! REEE! AAHH!

GRACE: Charlie!

DYLAN: Massive

hits, massive hits.

[painful thud] Oooh!

[chanting continues]

- GRACE: Get off him.

- DYLAN: Suck!

Suck big butts!

["Bird's Lament"

slows to a stop]

CHARLIE: Oh, Jesus! No,

no, no, back it up! Back it up!

LOUIE: Alright, I think we've

got enough firewood, everyone.

CHARLIE: Look at us.

MURPH: Bottoms up!

- Cheers.

- Cheers!

[very quiet chatter]

[squeal] REEEEEEE!!

[odd laughter]

Come on, mate.

Gotcha.

Nah, mate. I'm good. Thank you.

Oh, sorry.

Oink, oink, oink, oink!

[squeal] REEE! RE-RE-REEE!

Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink!

[snorting]

I'm a piggy!

[snorting]

Oink.

You look a f*cking idiot, Dylan.

Yeah, but it's the game. It's

Squealies. Come on. You got a drink.

Nah, I'm good thanks

mate. I don't need a beer.

Nah, you gotta catch up.

I'm good.

Nah, come on, beer mate.

Dylan?

Drink the beer.

Do you f*cking hear me, mate?

Can you hear me? What

are you doing? It's your bucks.

Mate. if I wanted a beer,

I'd get myself a beer, okay?

I got you one.

Yeah, and I don't want it.

What do you mean?

What are you doing?

What do you mean

what am I doing?

Why are you making a

thing outta this, Dylan?

Just piss off, mate.

Stop embarrassing yourself

in front of actual adults.

f*ck.

CHARLIE AND MURPH:

Three, Two, One.

Hi.

- Hey.

- Hi.

You know you don't

have to sneak around.

No, I know that.

I'm not. I'm just...

super worried about

him, you know?

I mean, if he's

gonna do that, fine.

It's a safe space. At

least I can look after him.

Yeah. It looks like fun.

Yeah. I mean, whatever.

It's not really my

sort of thing, so...

Oh...

No, no, no. I'm not doing any.

I'm not doing anything.

Taking, I'm not. I'm

not taking anything, so...

What, what was it?

I saw you take it. What was it?

What? Ketamine?

I heard people talking

about ketamine earlier.

No.

- No, no, no, no..

- I saw you take something.

Charlie, I don't care.

I probably

would've tried it too.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, what's going on here?

I just told you I

didn't take anything.

Why are you telling me that I

did something that I didn't do?

Huh?

Okay, you know what?

This whole situation is

making me feel uncomfortable.

Okay?

It's all making me feel

super, super uncomfortable.

What?

[melancholy saxophone melody]

Everything alright?

You ever been skydiving, Louie?

I've been skydiving in Mexico.

It was fun, but I

didn't know that

the planes that they take you up in,

they don't have any seat belts. Um...

So you can go up

in them, but you...

you can't come back down.

So when you're up there at 15,000

feet, it's the only way your going out.

Kicking, screaming,

sh1tting, spewing...

cumming.

They'll f*cking choke you

cold and throw you overboard.

It's too late. Like

tonight we own you.

The boys own you.

And the harder you kick, the

worse it's all gonna go down.

f*ck off, Dylan.

Do you not see what this is?

Wake up to yourself, mate.

Do you have any emotional

intelligence whatsoever?

You're here on ceremonial

f*cking purposes, mate.

You're here as my

cheerleader. And...

that means, mate, I'll tell

you what it f*cking means.

It means you do whatever

I want you to do, okay?

Tonight, you do

whatever I want you to do.

And I want you

to drink the beer.

Drink to your

heart's content, mate.

Maybe, maybe smile a

little, have some nibbles,

and then shut up!

Or...

f*ck OFF!

I don't need any more input from

you regarding any of this, okay?

[laughing]

You f*cking dog c**t.

[intriguing flute]

[romantic violin]

What?

Nothing.

I'm just excited.

For what?

For us.

[pensive score]

- Tell me when you feel it.

- Shut up, come on man.

Irene, thank you,

this is amazing.

Alright, everyone dig in.

Right on. Salad?

[indistinct table chatter]

[underwater sounds]

GRACE: Irene's made

a really lovely salad.

[indistinct table

chatter continues]

Ah, what can I get you?

Salad.

MURPH: And I literally

stopped just before the crossing

and he yelled at me.

He said the C word.

- What did you say?

- CHARLIE: The C word.

MURPH: Yeah. You'd think

the guy would say sorry, right?

CHARLIE: Right.

Mm.

[glass clinking]

I didn't wanna do this,

but I was asked to, so...

Louie and Irene.

- Cheers.

- Thanks Dylan.

Thank you, mate.

I love Louie.

We all love Louie, yeah?

And, um...

we are gathered here

tonight to memorialise, to...

adios, as they say, to the

man we once knew.

A passionate low

grade sportsman,

only solo, never in a team.

He didn't wanna rely on others when

he could just f*ck things up for himself.

Academically, he was

notorious for being unremarkable.

Louie couldn't say he

was smart, you know,

he wasn't dumb

either. He's just...

Youre just f*cking

there, aren't ya?

He didn't get invited

to many parties either.

But when he did, he would enjoy

laughing at jokes

he didn't hear.

f*cking stealing people's

beers just to pick at the label.

And then he'd just leave without

saying goodbye to the boys.

Uh, but, you know,

against all odds,

he wasn't embarrassed

to be this way, you know.

That's how, uh, that's

how Louie wanted things.

He wanted to

hide in plain sight.

He had a very moderate

sized porn collection.

Wait a minute. I'm joking.

Louie doesn't watch any porn.

[awkward laughter]

LOUIE: Good one Dylan.

You know, as it was,

everyone knew Louie like they

knew they knew me and Charlie.

We came as three. Even

when we weren't together.

Nah, Charlie was the smart one.

I was the funny one.

And, um, Louie was the...

the nice one.

Together we made

one interesting person.

So, uh, that was that.

I, um...

I like to think Louie and I really came

together on two separate occasions.

The first time being on year

10 camp. You know, we...

- We went back to the cabin...

- LOUIE: Dylan, we're not gonna...

We're not gonna do that story,

mate. We can't do that story.

Yeah. You're right.

Too silly, Louie.

Too silly for dinner.

- The second time was at

my house, - LOUIE: Dylan.

- And we went on...

- Mate. Dylan. Dylan. Dylan.

Let's just, let's just

speed this up, hey?

Okay. Okay.

Okay, Louie. Okay.

Okey dokey.

What should we talk about then?

You know

sometimes in life, um...

a man's lucky enough to get

something that he really wants.

You know, like, really get it.

And...

if he doesn't, the next best thing

is seeing his best mate get it, so...

- Here we are.

- CHARLIE: Yep, here we are.

- I man of his word.

- CHARLIE: His word indeed.

LOUIE: Thank you, Dylan.

Thank you very much, mate.

I'm gonna f*ck that girl by the

end of the night. I promise you both.

MURPH: What?

That's what Louie said to

us the first time he saw Irene.

Johann's birthday.

Party at the beach.

Really scenic.

Waves.

Sand.

Seagulls.

It was beautiful.

Oh, and Louie, he didn't

even know who she was.

But he wanted her.

- CHARLIE: Dylan.

- He didn't even know who she was there with,

if she was available,

but old Louie wanted her.

- CHARLIE: Dylan.

- And then Irene got drunk, like really drunk.

And Louie was sober.

In fact, a clever onlooker

might have been able to tell you

that old Louie over here

was a bit more generous

when pouring the drinks

for his new best friend Irene

than he was when he was

pouring those

drinks for himself.

And in the end, hey!

That was the first

time Louie f*cked Irene.

Hey?

Or shouldn't I have said that?

Is that true?

IRENE: Of course not.

Johann's was months before

we even started seeing each other.

I had no idea who he

was, he was just, like...

super all awkward

with me the entire night.

Really?

Gotta tell ya, the boys had a very

different kind kind of story on the night.

But hey! Wow.

In light of this recent

news, I take it all back.

False alarm, everyone.

Turns out Louie actually

is a really good guy.

It's just a joke, guys.

[muffled laughs]

Okay.

[laughing continues]

[indistinct chatter]

[more laughter]

Okay. I don't

like that. I don't...

Grace, how many bucks

parties have you gone to?

Does it matter?

He's right.

Listen, I get it.

You haven't been

to many of these.

But what you gotta understand

about a bucks party is that

whatever happens,

it's all just for a laugh.

- Oh.

- Nothing's ever serious.

Nothing's ever real.

- Youre just supposed to...

- Let the boys play.

I get it.

So, Sam. How's your sex life?

- Modest.

- Special someone?

- SAM: I already told you.

- GRACE: Right. Yes.

Special someones.

- DYLAN: Oh.

- CHARLIE: What?

DYLAN: That's dangerous, mate.

What?

How many?

Not many. Couple

girlfriends, couple boyfriends.

Well, who's better?

I don't have a preference.

That's my preference.

I prefer the best parts

of being with lots of people.

Fair enough. You're like

that little experiment rat

pressing the c*m button over

and over again until he dies.

The what?

It's a real experiment.

I'm not trying to rally you up,

mate. I'm just curious how it works.

Well, I've never been happier about

myself than when I've been alone.

That's what I think. if

you really want to know.

Well, you wanna

know what I think?

- No.

- I think it's a phase.

Okay.

I think you're looking for a reason

to be selfish, to sleep around,

which is totally fine.

I just wish you wouldn't

make such a big deal out of it.

I hear that a lot

from people like you.

People like me?

People who are a

bit green. No offence.

So who says I

have no experience?

You're a Christian

girl in your twenties

engaged to a Christian

guy in his twenties.

Oi, can you tell?

- Tell what?

- Shhhhhh.

It's a party trick. He

learnt it at a convention.

Well, yeah.

- We're virgins, if that's what this is about.

- Oh my god.

I don't see what that's got

to do with anything though.

Even you would admit there's

more than that to a relationship.

SAM: Even me? Yeah, I would.

You bring up a

good point though.

You don't really know what

you'd be getting, do you?

DYLAN: Oohh, spoilers, Grace.

He's packing absolute

razorback down there.

- It's a f*cking hog.

- Shut the heck up, man.

Oh no, sorry.

I'm lying. It's not.

Eight billion little puzzle

pieces across the world

and you've just stumbled across

the only one that will ever fit.

You're telling me you've never

met anyone like Charlie before?

I have never met

anyone like Charlie.

Oh yeah?

MURPH: Tell me when you feel it.

[horse neighing]

It's like you're just ignoring the

entire concept of commitment.

Yeah. The most toxic idea that

monogamy has taught the world is

that we all deserve to

be loved unconditionally.

I believe in conditions.

GRACE: Things

can't always be good.

SAM: But that's my point.

They can always be good.

GRACE: No, no, that's my point.

The best type of love is

not a high, it's not a feeling.

It's a daily decision.

I choose my life

with you again today.

Even when it's bad.

Even when they f*ck up.

Even when I might not necessarily

be in love here in this moment.

I mean, that's the good

stuff. That's the juice, really.

I try to have faith in

the people that I love.

[Louie clears throat]

- MURPH: I'm alright.

- You done?

You don't need to do that.

They're still eating.

Um, anyway, I also

have a lot of questions.

- I feel like I've said enough.

- How do we fit...

into your equation?

We?

Yeah.

Me and Louie.

How does that work?

I feel like our type of

relationship doesn't even

make sense with

what you're saying.

I don't really know

your type of relationship.

- Irene.

- You seem to think

nobody really needs one person.

Right? You think there's a lot of

people that could just work for anyone?

Well, that hasn't really been

my experience because...

I need Louie.

Right? I need only Louie.

I mean, I can't even

be away from him.

We've figured out it's actually

some type of separation anxiety,

'cause the only way I don't

get it is when I'm with him.

Nobody else will work, so...

in our mind, there is no other

choice in the world for me.

Louie is all there is.

I wonder how that sounds

to someone like you.

So what happens

when you're alone?

I take a pill.

Puts me to sleep,

and I wake up and

by then he's back.

Sedatives?

Yeah, something called

Trixopan. I take it almost every day.

I'm actually on it right now.

And this is the way

you've been living?

Not the entire time.

Started about a year ago.

At Tiki Night?

Well, yeah. Louie says so.

Louie says so? This

is Louie's theory?

Well, he says maybe it's, you

know, I feel guilty about what I did

and this is my body's

way of processing that.

A trade off.

Right?

We use trixopan to

sedate the cats at the zoo.

DYLAN: Like street cats?

No, like lions. Except

we sh**t ours from a g*n.

I didn't even realize

you could get it as a pill.

You're getting this

from a doctor, Irene?

I think her doctor

is at the table.

Um, I look after her if

that's how you mean.

She can't even drive.

- She doesn't even have a phone.

- Why can't she have a phone?

Because he says it'll only

make my anxiety worse.

It does only make

your anxiety worse.

Listen, um, I think we're all just,

kind of, seeing this from the middle.

Yeah? Um, no one here is

asking for an intervention.

No one asks for an

intervention. That's the point.

It's not an intervention,

okay. We're just concerned.

No, we're not concerned.

We're not concerned.

Stone him!

GRACE: It's heavy stuff!

Well, what's he supposed to do, Be a

gentleman and knock her out himself?

She's unwell,

right? You're unwell.

SAM: it might be worth

seeing a professional.

Ah, I think she really has

enough opinions. Thank you, Sam.

No, it sounds like

she's full of opinions.

We're just having a

conversation, Louie.

Maybe now is not the time to

have that conversation, Grace.

Look, I...

I see nothing wrong.

Sometimes when, when we,

when we see things

laid out like this,

it might not sound

or seem, um, quite...

right.

But maybe. Maybe it's,

it's, it's kind of different to,

to to to all that, I mean.

God, it's not like you

you know.

I don't know. It's

different, right?

Like it's, um, you know.

It's different.

You know how it is, right?

Right?

[dreamy marimba]

SAM: Your legs

feel so nice though.

[Irene laughs]

[dreamy marimba continues]

This isn't at all how I

wanted everything to go.

I love Irene.

More than anything.

Sure, we've been on a bit of

a journey over the last year.

Couple of months ago,

I didn't even know if I'd

be standing here at all.

So I figured, um...

Why not make the most of the

opportunity with you all here?

Our nearest and our dearest.

Honey, I had a thought.

Why wait?

You're all we need.

Honey, Irene, can

you stand up for me?

Honey, can you just stand up?

No, it's okay.

I'm really lucky to have one of

my longest friends here, Murph,

who's willing to unite us

tonight, me and my wife.

He's a certified marriage

celebrant, so it's all for real!

Louie, no, no, we

don't need to do that.

Let's just go right now!

No, no, that's OK. No,

we don't need to do...

Louie, hey, we don't need to...

[Dylan laughs]

What the f*ck?

We have come together tonight

to witness the marriage of...

[animated objections]

SAM: Stop, stop, stop, stop!

LOUIE: What the f*ck are

you doing, you little snake?

Don't touch her!

[choking]

[others groaning]

[more groans]

CHARLIE: Oh, heaven!

LOUIE: sh*t, someone help him.

[dry heaving]

[eery ambiance]

Hey, is every...

ls everything alright?

Do you wanna go?

- Hey, hey, how's...

- I'm sorry.

Oh, no, don't say sorry. Don't.

No, it's fine. It's fine.

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I

just, I wanted to make...

I'm just gonna steal

your girl for a sec, okay?

Grace, I'm really

sorry. I just...

Um, just wait, wait. Okay.

Okay, so, what was that?

What I, I'm so sorry.

- I think I misspoke. I..

- What?

- Oh my god, are they watching?

- What?

- Oh f*ck, are they?

- Oh my god. No.

Don't worry about them.

- I made such a scene!

- Hey, shhh! Shhh!

That's not about them. Okay?

Look, no, Grace, I misspoke.

I really love Louie. I do.

- Ive just got, I've just got a lot going on, you know?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Look, I need to

talk to you, okay?

About what you said at dinner.

- I mean, none of that...

- Yo, yo. ls everything all right?

Not now, Charlie.

No, no. It's chill.

I just wanted to...

CHARLIE!

Go away!

- Hey...

- Was this the secret?

What?

You said...

Was this the plan?

Oh my god, you, you...

you knew this was going

to happen tonight and...

Why didn't you tell me?

Grace, why didn't you tell me?

I don't, um...

[sultry saxophone]

[sultry saxophone continues]

Oi.

What the heck was that?

- Huh?!

- Ease up, wasn't my idea.

I mean, it was kind of

nice, in a romantic sense.

f*cking Ret*rded though. I personally

wouldn't have done it that way.

Congratulations.

Hope I didn't ruin anything.

No, I liked it.

You're like, um,

you're like my Shrek.

Shut the f*ck up.

No, I like him.

Are you even an

actual celebrant?

Yep, I'm an actual celebrant.

What? Louie made

you do the course?

No, you can just buy it online.

I'm fine. I just had

a moment. That's all.

You call that a moment?

Look, forget about it.

It had nothing to do with you.

Yeah, it does. You invite

me here out of the blue

and then you tell

me your fianc is like

f*cking with you

historically or whatever.

I'm saying, I'm here to help

and you're telling me no?

Right, so you broke the

law. That's so cool, dude.

Oh, who cares? No

one cares. It's all for love.

You could've really effed

things up for Louie back there.

I think he might've done

that for himself, just quietly.

He'll be right. You

can't blame Louie.

Can't ya?

And this business with the

pills? Separation anxiety?

That can't be a

healthy situation for her.

Ah, I think it's none of our

business. No one's taking sides here.

Sure, but don't you

think it's a bit grubby?

It's a bit, I don't know.

It just feels a bit, it's a bit,

it's a bit rapey. It's a bit like...

What?!

I mean, that's what it's

like, right? It's a bit rapey.

It's almost like a three

year long date r*pe.

Stop! You can't

just say that word.

Exactly. Right?

It's like a marriage r*pe.

Oi.

You reckon you have

f*ck her on those pills?

Stop!

I'm only wondering..

What? Are you a

marriage counselor now?

No, I'm not certified for that.

You think everything Irene

said back there was true?

She's clearly

emotional and on drugs.

It doesn't matter.

She doesn't have to have a reason

to not be with Louie, she can just not.

She never said she was unhappy

with the situation, she was just saying

I'm getting a

different impression.

There's nothing ill*gal about

what's going on here, okay?

Oh, nice. I'm gonna write

that one into the vows.

Look, I know for a fact

that Louie is a good guy.

So...

And anyway, that's her decision.

It's not up to us as men

to decide what she needs.

It's pretty old fashioned thinking

if you actually think about it.

And anyway, even

if she did want out,

that's pretty rich

coming from a guy

that just sprang a prize wed---

Okay, but I didn't say

any of those things, did I?

And I didn't invite you.

Of course you did.

Don't you think you

owe me an explanation?

Sam, this is

Louie's bucks night.

I didn't invite you.

Look, I'm sorry, but I

don't need you to be here.

Come with me.

What?

De facto.

I'll put you up. You

can get your visa.

It doesn't have to be like this.

It doesn't have to be like romantic

or anything. It can just be like before.

It makes so much sense.

But it doesn't, at all.

But why, Irene? Why choose this?

What, instead of you?

I mean, instead of anything.

Because... I understand it.

Everything is simple with

Louie. Everything is defined.

Okay, define 'f*cked'.

I say yes to everything.

Sure, then you're an addict.

You take sedatives every

day. You're an addict.

I'm not doing this for fun.

I just wish you would

tell me how I could help.

Yeah, but you wouldn't

know how, would you?

God, none of you people realise

what it's like to be completely

responsible for someone else's happiness.

I do.

I owe Louie happiness.

For what?

So you're punishing yourself?

No, I'm listening to myself.

No, you're not!

If you were, you'd realise

this is f*cking insane.

None of this makes any sense.

Yes, it does.

Okay, Sam, when

you're in it, it does.

If you're so happy, then

why did you say all that stuff?

Maybe I just wanted to

hear it all out loud for once.

I can be your listener.

Sam, sweetheart.

Look, you have been.

Okay?

But right now, all I'm asking

from you is for you to just

let me figure this

out on my own.

You think you can?

[pensive strings]

What? Why are you thinking?

I'm not thinking.

What, are you saying

you wanna call it off?

No. No f*cking way.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

Mate, this is exactly

what we need right now.

[ominous bass clarinet]

Surprise.

Listen, I think maybe we

should just go have a little chat.

Maybe talk a little bit

about what just happened.

Not right now.

Quick one whilst

I've got everyone here

Um...

I know there were some things

said at dinner.

You might have some questions.

That's fine.

It's important to

remember that we've all

had a bit to drink

and some other stuff, too...

Maybe, maybe I got carried away.

I'll put my hand

up. I'm guilty too.

But we've all had

the chance to talk...

and we've, um...

uh, maybe... maybe let's

not talk about it anymore.

Maybe we've talked

enough about it.

Well said.

Maybe, we could play a

game? That could be fun.

- Paranoia.

- Dylan.

Now I'm only explaining this

once, so play, pay attention.

So, we go around the circle

like Asian whispers, yeah.

Except when it's your turn, you're

gonna be hearing a secret question,

whispered in your ear.

And the answer's gonna

be someone in this circle.

So, um...

Most likely to f*ck a possum?

- Charlie.

- Oi.

Fine. Sorry mate.

Most likely to be an asexual?

- Charlie.

- No.

Well which is it then?

MURPH: So we tell

everyone the question?

DYLAN: No.

Circles only gonna hear

the answer to the question.

I then flip a coin.

If it's heads,

then we all get to hear

the question, right?

But if it's tails, then nobody

gets to hear the question.

You may be the answer to a

question that you never hear.

That's why it's called...

Paranoia.

You don't have to play.

I want to play.

Everyone's playing!

[door slams]

[jazzy accordion]

[jazzy accordion continues]

Dylan.

Oh.

Heads, d*ck head.

Which of the boys

I'd most like to root.

You!

CHARLIE: I didn't

say 'boys', dude.

MURPH: Get over here!

I'm gonna get another drink.

Oi.

[tense accordion]

Louie.

Tails.

What? What does that mean?

What was the question?

It's a secret. I don't

have to tell you.

Louie.

Tails again.

Bad luck.

I think it's your turn, honey.

[music crescendos]

Um...

Louie.

Toss it.

Tails.

That's dreadful.

Bad luck.

[chorus of laughing kookaburras]

Charlie.

Heads.

Well, what then?

Most likely to f*ck

a mate's sister.

DYLAN: it was a joke.

It was a joke.

- It was a joke.

- This isn't a f*cking joke!

This is an attack.

This is a personal

f*cking attack.

GRACE: What's going on, Charlie?

- You don't know me.

- No, I don't.

You don't f*cking know me.

What are you f*cking doing here?

Why are you even here?

Why are you even f*cking here?

You f*cking cumrat!

MURPH: What's the problem?

You said at dinner you're a virgin.

I am a virgin!

f*ck!

I am a virgin.

Okay? I'm a virgin.

I am a f*cking virgin.

[dramatic violin]

I'm a virgin, okay?

Oh f*ck.

I'm a f*cking

virgin. I am a virgin.

f*ck.

[offbeat percussion]

[Windows XP error sound]

[dramatic violin]

[offbeat percussion]

[quietly laughs]

[dramatic violin]

[violin stops] Huh?

- What the f*ck!

- Oh f*ck!

- Oh f*ck!

- You f*cking c**t.

Yeah, big funny f*cking prick.

Funny man.

Stop!

Charlie, stop!

Ah!

[bone crack]

CHARLIE: Ow!

[Dylan laughs]

Oh my f*cking,

you f*cking prick.

- [Dylan laughing]

- You just f*cking...

Yeah, yeah. That's what

you get for f*cking my sister!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Ah!

Wet willy!

[Dylan screaming]

- You stupid c**t.

- You stupid c**t.

- You stupid.

- You stupid.

You stupid. You

stupid. You stupid, ah.

Oh, oh, oh yeah.

Oh, ah. Hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey.

f*ck. Hey. I'm sorry.

Okay, let's just, let's

forget about it, yeah?

Let's just, let's just go.

Hey, let's go. Let's go.

Let's f*ck him. Let's

go. Let's go right now.

- We'll do it now.

- Let's go.

- We'll just f*cking go. Yeah.

- Let's f*cking go.

Let's f*cking go.

- Let's go.

- Let's go.

Let's go.

[excited laughing]

[heavy breathing]

I think we need to talk.

- Honey.

- Look, I...

[twig snaps]

[Irene screams]

[doom jazz]

[muffled screaming]

[guttural engine roars]

[doom jazz intensifies]

CHARLIE: Prawns! Prawns!

Prawns! Prawns! Prawns!

[maniacal laughter]

- Step on it, Dylan!

- Hey!

A little bit of appreciation

would be nice, alright.

We've a surprise for you!

[monkey sounds]

[Dylan roars]

[Dylan yells]

Farewell and adieu

to you Brisbane ladies

Ladies of Brisbane, for

we've received orders

- to sail for Old England!

- to sail for Old England!

We hope in some

time to see you again!

[singing trails off]

[doom jazz intensifies]

Cut the f*cking spack-attack!

It's not happening.

The moment's passed.

- She needs me!

- Shut up, Louie! I'm trying to drive here!

Forget about her.

Here...

DYLAN: Breathe...

Breathe...

Breathe...

[doom jazz crescendo]

[oven timer] Ding!

[unsettling ambient score]

Irene!

[unsettling ambient score]

[distorted recording of

"Minnie The Moocher"]

She was a red hot

hoochie-coocher

She was the

roughest, toughest frail

But Minnie had a

heart as big as a whale

Hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi

(hi-de-hi-de-hi-de-hi)

- I'm not afraid, are you, Bimbo?

- No.

[creepy swing music]

[distant swing music]

[swing music grand finish]

[ute speeds away]

[ominous ambiance]

[alienesque murmurs]

[slow drum hits]

[slow drum hits continue]

[propulsive doom jazz]

[muffled yelling]

[Dylan voiceover] Ketamine!

It what the K stands for!

Special k-k-k-k-kay!

I don't even remember

what Irene looks like, anyway.

- Shut up, mate!

- Pressed pills; this is spaced-aged sh*t, boys!

We're going to the moon!

No nangs for me, boys.

I'm designated driver.

f*ck!

[blinker click]

[blinker click becomes bassline]

["Wind it Up" by

Mumbo Jumbo plays]

[dance floor excitement]

Now that fascists

are in control...

Oooohh... just friends!

Well, can you stop being

friends right in front of my friends?

You don't get to be friends

with guys like him anymore, okay.

That's just, that's

just how this works.

Just like I don't get to be friends

with girls who wanna f*ck me, huh!

So wind it up! Let it go!

From Sydney Harbour to

the Gulf of Mexico Wind it up!

[laughing]

SAM: I should try waxing mine.

I wonder how that

affects the sweat, like...

IRENE: I guess we're

done, then, Louie.

I think you should leave.

Well...

[jangly keys land]

That's what I'm doing.

- Okay.

- Okay wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let me get this

straight. Okay, I'm...

I'm the villain here

because I see you...

- Stop.

- Find you...

Stop! Stop talking!

What does his

c*ck taste like, huh?

Was he a good f*ck?

- I hope it was f*cking worth it!

- STOP TALKING!

["Wind it Up" continues]

I've stopped

listening. I don't care.

I don't care anymore.

God, you're not

interesting to me anymore.

So boring.

You're so boring and

you never were interesting.

I'm done and we're done, okay?

I know that.

I know why you're with me.

I know how much

you love it here.

You'll be fine.

[melancholy cover

of "Wind it Up"]

[distant vocals] From Sydney

Harbour to the Gulf, the Gulf, the Gulf

of Mexico...

[music intensifies]

[Irene screams] AAAAHHHH!!

[bone-crunching impact]

[total silence]

[ephereal "Wind it Up" cover]

[distant vocals] So

wind it up... let it go...

[music intensifies]

[defibrillator charging]

[car horn]

[brief doom jazz]

Honey?!

Irene?!

Honey? Irene?

Honey? Irene.

HONEY!

- [Irene groans]

- Honey.

Hey, hey, hey

honey. Get up. Hey.

Charlie?

[piercing violin chorus]

Charlie, I love you.

Irene!

Honey!

Honey, can you hear me?

[demented kookaburra laughter]

Wanna be a member?

Wanna be a member?

[oven timer ding] No.

[wet surgical sounds]

[birds singing]

There he is.

There you are.

IRENE: Bit much to drink?

Bit much to drink. Yeah.

Where did you go last night?

Where were you?

I could ask you the same thing.

You weren't at the house.

Sam found me.

Brought me back.

Then I went to bed.

Where is he?

He had to leave first thing,

had to get back into town.

Are you okay?

I'm okay.

Don't worry about it.

CHARLIE: So it was real?

What happened

last night, it was real?

You mean the stuff

about Dylan's sister?

I mean, who gives a

sh*t, mate? It's old news.

I'm not talking about that.

You left before it happened.

It is so much worse.

[door closed]

Don't tell her, Charlie.

She should be leaving me.

Why?

You didn't k*ll anyone.

You didn't commit a crime.

It was just a bit of fun.

She already knows Louie.

That's why she's being like

this. I don't have a choice.

I'm just sitting here

waiting for it to happen.

Just wait...

til you find out what she knows.

You can make this work

for Charlie in the end.

You can come out on top in

ways you don't even realise

How?

I don't know. Tell

her you love her.

Tell her you'll break the

other arm, if she leaves you.

Tell her you deserve

a second chance.

We all deserve a second chance.

[pensive flute]

Shame it all went the way it

did last night. You're a, um...

you're a good guy

helping Louie out.

Just happy to be involved.

Mates like you can

get used, you know?

You gotta be careful. You

ever, you ever feel that way?

Course. I'm not dumb.

Friends are

temporary though, man.

You know, it might be, might be nice to

try something other than Louie for a while.

I don't know how to do that.

Go.

Just go.

Maybe I could go with ya?

Yeah?

Where do you want to go?

Home.

I wanna go home.

I was asking for a lift.

Yeah.

Too easy.

Cool.

I'll grab my stuff.

f*ck yeah.

[melancholy score]

[melancholy score continues]

I'm glad we did that.

Would you wanna do

something similar, for our thing?

Whatever you want.

I want to make the

decision together.

Can we maybe

stop talking, for a bit?

[melancholy score continues]

I should probably just tell

you exactly what happened.

I know you want to ask, So I

should probably just tell you.

You don't have to do that.

It was before I met you.

It wouldn't have

changed anything.

I never even met his sister.

From now on.

That's all I'm asking.

Forget anything else.

From today.

[melancholy score continues]

[ferry horn]

We'll get the next one.

You wanna go now?

Might be your last

chance for a while.

[seat belt slowly retracted]

[glove box clicks open]

[distant ferry horn]

[ferry horn]

[guttural ferry motor]

[gentle night ambiance]

[guttural ferry motor]

[ferry crossing] Ding!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

[dreamy marimba]