01x10 - Feeling' Brand New New

[bunniefuu]

Over the decades,
trends come and go.

I think the word old heads
used to say is "groovy."

(Sixties music playing)

This was somebody's
prerogative...

(Eighties hip-hop playing)

but it ain't mine.

Whoever invented corduroy pants
can keep on truckin'.

Nobody wants to hear your pants
zipping while you're skipping.

When it comes to what's hot,
I stay on point.

If it's poppin', I'm shoppin'.

Me and Ari go wild
for the latest and greatest.

Our girl Simone,
on the other hand,

she doesn't have a material bone
in her body.

She keeps everything Zen.

(sighs)

That is not normal.

PARIS: FOMO on the last bag

of her favorite
kale quinoa chips?

Simone... Zen.

She knows that the universe
will always provide.

Simone's the sweetest,
most levelheaded friend

a girl could ever ask for.

For her, everything is cool.

Or should I say, Zen.

♪ I just can't take my eyes ♪

♪ I just can't Take my eyes ♪

♪ I just can't take my eyes
Off of you ♪

SIMONE: "Pretty Little Sk8s.

The path to peace
comes to she who skates."

I need this in my life, girl!
Did you hear me?

I need this in my life!

I think Zen left the building.

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ All we do is celebrate ♪

♪ Long as I got fun family
And friends ♪

♪ I got everything that I need ♪

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ We ain't got no time
To waste ♪

♪ No work, all play
No stress ♪

♪ We got everything
That we need ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't
No other day like Saturday ♪

(indistinct chattering)

Pretty Little Sk8
is down for the cause,

and they donate to meditation
centers around the world.

That's what's up.

Mm-mm.

The funk from our skates
is what's up.

Ah. The air is tight.

I got you, girl. Don't worry.

(all sigh)

That's better.

Oh, my.
What is that smell, darling?

Oh, what you're sniffing
is a little bit of lavender,

a little bit of verbena,
and a whole lot of love

mixed together by our
amazing friend Simone.

It's a homeopathic emergency
skate-stank remover

I call "Nasal Harmony."

It turned out all right.

Yes, ma'am, it did.

You know, I'm feeling this
whole thing you've got going on.

You're giving me bougie,
but earthy.

Boug-earthy.

(laughs)

I am Kimée Devereaux.

The Kimée Devereaux?

CEO and founder
of Pretty Little Sk8?

Ha-ha! come through, universe.

Saturdays, my newest vendor,
is going to carry my line,

so I came here for a tour
of the hottest rink in the Chi.

I love your brand's vibe,
Miss Devereaux,

because it is my vibe.

I'm looking for a Chicago brand
ambassador.

What do you say?

Uh...

BOTH: She says, "Yes."

-(chuckles)
-No.

I don't say yes.

PARIS: What?

I say, "Yes!"

(all giggle)

Yeah!

People need
to stop saying, "yes."

I mean, you don't
have to get married

just because
someone asked you to.

Wedding season is too much.

And why can't
some of these people

walk down the aisle
after Labor Day?

Rain is romantic, right

Cal, less moaning, more mixing.

We have 12 more cakes to go,

and they are not
gonna bake themselves.

(music playing over headphones)

Can you hear me? How about now?

Can you hear me?

-Huh?
-How about now?

-How about what?
-How about now?

You said, "How about top?"

Can you hear me?

'Cause clearly
you weren't listening

when I told you
not to waste your money

on those overpriced headphones.

I did hear you,
but then I asked Mom.

She got them for me.

What? You asked Mom?

You did.

Deb, I thought we discussed

not buying those headphones
for him?

Oh, you mean how we discussed

not buying that $200 purse
for Paris?

The one that I told her
she couldn't have.

How is that the same thing?

-What's up with your parents?
-(indistinct arguing)

They're really going at it.

They're like this
every wedding season.

They're working on no sleep,
cold showers, and icing.

But I think we need to dip

before they start throwing
something a little heavier.

Okay, y'all, Kimée said if I get

a bunch of likes
on my promo selfies

and get my followers up,

I can possibly
have my own skate collab.

-Ooh!
-(gasps)

Okay...

ALL: Oh!

No way.

The latest model
of Pretty Little Sk8 skates.

-They're beautiful.
-ARI: Oh, buckles.

Okay, straps? (squeals)

Who knew so many
fastening devices

could be so fascinating?

I never would have thought
that being an influencer

would be my thing,

but I think I can get used
to this.

Not to mention all the free swag
I get to hook y'all up with.

And you know we love the hookup!

Mm-hmm.

I mean, if my two besties
can't benefit

off my newfound success,
what's the point?

Thank you, Simone.

With this extra
little shine on you,

plus our fire routine,
we got this whole battle

to be Golden Skate Competition
on lock, okay?

(cell phone rings)

You guys, it's Kimée.

Do you mind if I take this?

Oh, of course not, okay?
Tell her we say hey!

Hey!

Hey, why are we out here?

She knows that's your room,
right?

It's okay. She just had a call.

It'll be fine.

Hey, can y'all
keep it down out here?

Thank you, love you, bye!

(door slams)

That's your friend.

(mixxer whirring)

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You didn't just put peanuts
in there, did you?

The bride is allergic.

We are Cal & Deb B-Bakin'
not Cal & Deb-B-Killin'.

(sighs)

Cal. Oh, my gosh.

This order form right here,
okay, in your chicken scratch,

right here says,
"Extra peanuts."

That says
"extricate the peanuts."

Of all the words, Cal,
you use "extricate"?

Huh? Are you insane?

Okay, don't hate because
I tested high in English.

You tested high because your
class was on the tenth floor.

-CAL: Stop.
-DEB: No, I won't stop.

-CAL: It's one word, okay?
-DEB: No.

It's been a week.

My favorite Johnsons
are still fighting.

Yeah. Wait, I thought
I was your favorite Johnson.

Uh, you're a strong third.

(scoffs)
Look, don't worry about them.

You, my brother, are missing
the beauty of wedding season.

Watch this.

Ahem. Mom. Dad.

Can we get something to eat?
Order some food?

-Whatever you want.
-I don't care.

All right.

You see that?

And I just downloaded
Five Star Foodie.

They deliver from
all the best grub spots, man.

We're gonna eat like kings.

You don't feel bad taking
advantage of your parents?

-(indistinct arguing)
-Yeah, I do.

I really do.

You know what makes me feel
a lot better?

Lobster tails.

Where is Simone?

I mean, first,
she's late for rehearsal,

and then she texts us
to meet her outside.

It's hot.

This ain't the drip we want.

PARIS: Don't worry,
Simone will be here.

She's our rock.

(car horn honks)

♪ Tell me What you gonna do? ♪

♪ Beauty, passion, fashion ♪

♪ Outstanding ♪

-Simone?
-Simone?

Correction.

Per my contract,
it's Simoné, darling.

(laughs)

PARIS: What color
would you call this hair?

Purple? Lilac?

Grape soda? Ha!

(chuckles)
It's amethyst, darling.

Like my favorite stone.

It was between this
or candy apple red,

but Kimée thought that wig
looked better on New Orleans.

They put a wig on the Big Easy?

No, silly.

Ambassadors are called
by the city we rep.

It's an industry thing, darling.

Can we please
just rehearse already?

We only have this practice room
for one hour,

and we still need to know the
super-secret showstopper move

before the Golden Skate
Competition.

Well, okay. Let's do it.

Five, six, seven, eight.

(upbeat music playing)

Okay, Miss Industry Thing,

what's going on
with your wheels?

They're a little snug.
Just got to break them in.

Maybe you could break off
one of the buckles

that's choking
the life out of your feet.

Yeah, or you can always
just wear your regular skates.

Uh-uh. Per my contract,

I can only skate
in my Pretty Little Sk8s.

I got this.

-(cell phone rings)
-(sighs)

(scoffs)

Chicago here, darling.

Ooh.

It's Kimée. BRB.

I'm starting to think our rock
is gonna sink us.

Everything is fine.

We'll just improvise
until she gets back.

No, Paris,
because your improvising

always turns
into you doing too much.

What? Since when do I do
too much?

Sneaker drop.

♪ I say B-O-S-S-Y ♪

♪ You ain't never seen
A chick this fly ♪

♪ I say B-O-S-S-Y ♪

♪ You know why? ♪

(whistles)

(excited chatter)

♪ I say B-O-S-S-Y ♪

♪ You ain't never
Seen a chick this fly ♪

♪ I say B-O-S-S-Y ♪

I got you five pairs of kicks.

In your size.

-(phone dings)
-Hold on.

Why is Miss Simoné posting
from a Pretty Little Sk8 event?

What? From where?

♪ Watch me shine ♪

♪ I got things to do ♪

♪ I got mountains to move ♪

What in the world
is going on here?

Sorry I had to dip,

but Kimée needed me
to host this pop-up, you see?

Oh, so you didn't think
to pop back in to let us know?

It was a secret pop-up.

Here you go.

Okay, listen,

we get that you have
a job and all,

but while you're out there

living that
Pretty Little Sk8 life,

your crew's living
that struggle life.

You know, on the hardwood floor,
where it actually counts.

Oh, come on. Don't be mad.

I got you. Check it.

Kimée wants me to do a Simoné
and friends skate photo sh**t.

And who are my friends?

(giggles) I'll give you a hint.

I'm handing them...

swag bags!

So... we good?

-We're really good.
-We're really good.

Yes!

♪ Positive attitude
Got my shine ♪

(chuckles)

Mm-mm-mm.

(clears throat)

You got something to say,
Calvin?

Say it wit your chest.

Fine, Debra.

My chest says
your butter cream is stiff.

Ha! Have you seen
your janky crumb coat?

Oh, we're gonna go there?

-(scoffs)
-No, you know what? Uh-uh.

We're going over there
to box up this cake.

Now, help me carry it.
We're already behind.

(sighs)

All right...
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!

-Stop. Where are you going?
-This way.

-Okay? I shuffle, you pivot.
-No, no, no.

No, I shuffle, you pivot.

Common sense says I shuffle.

Oh, my gosh. No, no.

Common sense says you pivot.

-No way. It's not common sense.
-No. Yes, it is.

No, stop it!
What are you doing? Ah!

(gasps)

Common sense says
I am not cleaning that up.

Common sense must be talking
to both of us,

because I ain't
cleaning it up either.

Done with you, Calvin.

Be done.

Nobody worried about...

You.

Ooh!

I always thought escargot
would be an escar-no,

but it's the butter for me.

I told you.
Thank you, wedding season.

(laughs) Yes, sir.

(door opens)

Talking about my crumb coat

when you don't even know
how to pivot correctly.

(imitates Deb) "How are you
gonna cut your fondant

if you don't have
a fondant cutter, Calvin?"

"How do you keep
the cake from slipping

if you don't butter-cream
your cake board?"

"You're not prepared, Calvin."

Ooh!

DEREK: Uh, Mr. J?

What are you looking for?

(in normal voice)
Some industrial paper towels

and some floor cleaner,

because there's a five-tier
coconut lemon curd cake

dead on my kitchen floor.

Not feeling the love
of wedding season, huh, Dad?

I just can't work
with bake-zilla anymore.

Hook me up
with some of them lobster tails.

(laughs) Huh!

Look at this.

Yet another example
of wifey telling me what to do

and getting me into a mess.

You see this ball?

The '98 Cubs made the playoffs,

and I took your mother, huh?

We had tickets
behind home plate.

But your mother insisted
that we sit by third base,

so she can catch a foul ball.

So one minute, I'm a fly guy
flexing for my date.

Next thing you know, boom!

I catch a foul ball
right to the face.

Knocked me clean out.

That seemed
unnecessarily wasteful.

-Yeah, man.
-Let me tell you something.

It's a good thing
that there were no camera phones

back in my day,
because I ugly fell.

If that ball almost ended you,
why did you keep it?

(chuckles)

Because this wasn't just
any old game ball.

This was...
This was my game-over ball.

(chuckles softly)

Doctor said I had a concussion,

so under no circumstance
should I go to sleep.

So your mother
stayed up all night

icing my lumpy head.

It was right then
I knew she was a keeper.

I hit a home run
with your mother.

DEREK: Wow.

That's a sweet story, Mr. J.

(chuckles softly) Yeah.

And one I needed to hear again.

Dad, where are you going?

Back inside.

I think I have some things
I need to clean up.

Oh, and don't think I didn't see

this all-you-can-eat
lobster fest.

Y'all will be paying me back.

Oh, wait, wait, wait a second.

-I can explain that...
-(door closes)

(whimpers)

Not me. I'm a guest.

Well, I guess
you done eating then.

Give me this back.

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

-(cameras snapping)
-KIME: Yes.

Simoné, darling, yes!

You exude fashion.

Ooh, look at our girl go!
She is amazing.

'Moné is mo-nay, okay?

Did you know she could do this?

I didn't know she could do this.

Bring in the friends!

Okay.

Time for our close-up. Come on.

(laughs)

Chicago, meet your new
best friends.

Cleveland and Detroit.

(cameras snap)

Wait a minute.
Did we just get replaced?

Yup, we just got
the air-kiss of death.

I love it! Yes!
Show me that friendship.

Give me that stick together,

nothing-can-come-between-us
pose.

Fabulous!

(laughs)

Oh, yes! Yes!

-(Kimée giggles)
-(cameras snapping)

I love it! Yes!

Okay, that's a wrap.

You've got 10 minutes, ladies.
Hit the socials.

Engage. Engage. Engage!

Pretty Little Sk8s!

Pretty Little Sk8s!

So cute!

-Yes.
-Oh, my God. Love it.

Got to admit,
their routine's hot.

Tell me later. Mwah! Kisses!

Yeah, that's because
it's our routine.

Hey, girls.

What are you doing here?

You invited us over for
a friends photo sh**t with you.

Do you not remember?

Oh, no. Darlings, Kimée decided

that the best version
of my friends

would be the other
brand ambassadors.

I thought somebody
would have called you.

It's a good thing they didn't,
or else we would've missed you

acting brand-new
in front of the backup twins.

Mm, can we talk
about this later?

I gotta go. We're hitting up
a party for Rihanna.

She's launching a line
of Pretty Little Sk8s.

-RiRi?
-Yes! I know!

Look, I'll call you.

I don't know when, but I will.

Whatever. Just let us know
when you can fit us

into your busy schedule.

Mm! About that.

See, my schedule...

It's booked solid
with ambassador duties.

I was thinking that maybe
it would be best

if we try to be Goldens
next year.

Oh?

BOTH: Come again?

You both know this
is an opportunity of a lifetime.

I mean, I have to give it
everything,

because it can change
everything.

You get that, right?

Well, I think...

We think...

We think that you were
really good out there.

-Um...
-And...

we wouldn't want to become
Goldens without you.

We'll just try to be Goldens
next year.

-We're going high, huh?
-Mm-hmm.

(scoffs) Fine!

Fine. Go do your thing, okay?

Tell RiRi I said hi,

and your Pretty Little Sk8
friends,

and their pretty little...

I don't know, whatevers.

Ah! Yes! Huggies!

Oh!

Yay! Kisses. Mwah!

That was really mature of us.

You know, I felt very evolved.

Well, I'm still a kid.

So next time, we're going low.

Ooh! RiRi, here we come.

(all giggling)

I saw you talking
to your girls earlier.

They're so cute!

Ooh, I love the one
with the butterflies.

That's Ari.

And the other one,
with all that pizzazz.

Yeah, that's my boo, Paris.

We've been best friends forever.

She's definitely my day one.

They remind me
of my own besties.

You know,
whenever I'm traveling,

my girls are always
checking up on me.

They would move
heaven and earth for me.

That's how I feel
about Ari and Paris.

I mean, like,
they had my back no matter what,

and we always have fun.

Trust me, you're gonna have even
more fun as an ambassador.

You're gonna have
so many stories

to share with your girls.

These parties
are just the start of it.

Pretty Little Sk8 is gonna
show you the world, darling.

Your life is about to be...

golden.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine.

All right. Onward and upward!

Smile!

(camera clicks)

As Simone's replacement,
you'll be skating in between us.

It's a lot of pressure.

You just did yourself a solid,
because I eat up pressure.

You don't even have
to change the name We-B-Girlz.

I'm secure in my manhood.

Let's go.

All right.

Five, six, seven, eight.

(R&B music plays)

(grunting)

Ah!

PARIS: What...? What...?

That was... better.

Okay, yeah, take a lap.

-Oh, okay.
-PARIS: We'll talk about it.

-ARI: Yeah.
-All right.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-DEREK: Okay.
-PARIS: Oh!

The first words
better be "no" and "way."

I know. We-B-Girlz is We-B-Over.

SIMONE: You-B-Wrong.

Shouldn't you be kicking it
with your new celebrity friends?

I wanted to be here instead.

I got caught up for a minute.

Here I was feeling myself,

thinking I was
suddenly important,

when what I really
should've been doing

was showing you how important
you are to me.

I left Pretty Little Sk8.

I want us to be Goldens
this year, just like we planned.

Forgive me?

Always We-B-Girlz?

Is We-B-Back!

Yes!

Whoo!

We-B-Girlz for life!

-(Derek laughs)
-I'll let him down tomorrow.

Ah! Come here.

(all laugh)

(dance music playing)

Cal?

What, did London text you too?

He said the Duchess
is having a cake pop emergency.

Did you have our son
lure me here?

Yup.

Is that rose from my rose bush?

Yup.

Did you forget
to cut the thorns?

Yes, I did. Please take it.

(laughs) Cal!

Mm. Mm.

I see what you're trying
to do here.

Well, you see me,
now I need you to hear me.

I love you.
You know that, right?

I do.

And I do,

which is the one best thing
about wedding season.

Remembering those two words
we shared.

Baby, I know that wedding season

in the baking biz is stressful.

But let's not forget
what this is all about.

Two people in love,
eating a really expensive cake.

Emphasis on "really."

(laughs)

Remember these?

-DEB: What?
-Look at that.

You...

Cal, how'd you find these?

We wore these when we became
Goldens together.

So, what do you say,
Mrs. Johnson?

You still down to roll with me?

Always.

♪ Your my morning star ♪

♪ Shining brightly beside me ♪

♪ And if we keep this up ♪

♪ It will last
Through all eternity ♪

♪ Just the way we are ♪

♪ A love story ♪

♪ It's just the way
It should be ♪

♪ 'Cause our love ♪

♪ Will stand tall
As the trees ♪

♪ Our love ♪

♪ Will stand wide as the sea ♪

♪ Our love ♪

♪ Will shine bright
In the night ♪

♪ Like the stars above ♪

♪ And we'll always be together ♪

♪ Who coming To the barbecue ♪

♪ Promise it gonna be a moo' ♪

♪ Holla if you rollin' Through ♪

♪ Like I... ♪

♪ Bring the homey
Bring the boo ♪

♪ You can bring your mama too ♪

♪ That is how we do, oh, oh ♪

♪ Monday through Friday
Got us like "meh" ♪

♪ Everybody out the way
It's Saturday ♪

♪ All we do is celebrate ♪

♪ We got everything
That we need ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't
No other day ♪

♪ Like Saturday ♪