01x14 - A Matter of Life and Debate

[bunniefuu]

Here, Mom, I made this for you.

Aw, thanks, baby. What is it?

It's a map of the area around school.

I marked where you could start

dropping me off in the mornings.

You want me to drop you off

two blocks away from school?

Oh, 2.5, actually.

What? Think of all of the gas

we'll save.

Very funny, Remy.

And maybe we start

cooling it on the hugs?

I'm gonna grab my backpack.

Don't worry, Mrs. Ripp.

I'll never get tired of hugs.

He won't.

It's a problem.

The mailman won't even come

to the front door anymore.

Pancake up!

Pancake down.

What's wrong?

Have you noticed Remy

pulling away lately?

Don't take it personally.

We went through the same thing

when Frankie

was around that age, remember?

She barely left her room and called us

Jonathan and Wendi for two months.

Then, she didn't call us anything.

Now she's happy as can be.

Yeah, she's as happy as can be.

Erlic still hasn't texted me back.

Aw, honey. Don't worry,

that kinda thing is totally normal.

Really?

It's totally normal for a guy to see

your brother's conspiracy board

with his great grandfather's face

and be so freaked out

he cuts all communication with you?

Happens all the time.

Okay, Remy cannot grow up.

I am not ready

for another one of those!

Is this a bad time

to tell you that was the floor cake?

Frankie, any word from Erlic?

Nothing yet.

Why do you smell

like a watermelon patch?

It's Erlic's favorite gum flavor,

so I've been chewing it all morning.

My tongue is totally numb.

I can heal that.

Stick your tongue out.

Nah, I'm gonna wait this one out.

Fine, you win.

We can play

Enchanter's Revenge next time.

There, was that so hard?

Mad respect to the fire burning within.

I didn't know you could get so spirited.

You should hear how spirited she gets

when we run out of hot water.

Whoa, dude!

My mind just gave birth to an idea.

Dude! That's just called thinking.

You should, like, join debate!

We're about to be down a member.

Brian, Brian, Brian.

I've been trying to get Scary

to join a club forever.

Don't be surprised

when she turns you down.

I'll join debate.

- See.

- Wait, what?

Sick, see you there.

Uh, word to the wise,

less is more with the watermelon.

Always a pleasure, Brian.

Scary, debate?

Look at you getting out

of your comfort zone.

Now I can finally cheer you on

from the stands.

I'm gonna need face paint,

an airhorn, and a go-to catchphrase.

"It's about to get Scary up in here!"

- Don't say that again.

- All right.

I like talking to Brian,

and in debate I can talk to him more.

It's not a big deal.

Must be nice having someone

who'll actually talk to you.

Excuse me,

gonna put this watermelon to the test.

Hey! Hi!

Ooh, Schmeat Gobblers.

Thought maybe you'd pick something

watermelon-flavored.

You know, since it's your favorite.

It was my favorite,

but now I don't trust it.

Yup, I over-gummed it.

All right, next topic.

"All museums should be free

to the public."

Lyle, pro side. Go!

Debate fright is real, people.

Scary, glad you chose

to align your aura with ours.

What happened to Lyle's aura?

He's dry-heaving in a trash can.

Ah, jeez.

I better get him some orange slices.

All right, everybody pair up.

Uh, topic,

"Are dogs really

man/woman's best friend?"

You two, debate buddies.

Cool I mean, great

I mean, yeah Yeah, whatever.

Well, Scary, the floor is yours.

I'll tell you why our neighbor's dog

Mr. Lebo definitely

isn't my best friend.

He's bitey, and barky,

and I swear,

one time he called me "toots."

Old school.

Now, tell me why

Mr. Lebo is your best friend.

Remember, Scary,

debate is a double-edged sword.

To truly triumph,

one must be ready to cut

with both sides equally.

Deep. Thanks for inviting me,

debate buddy.

Okay, Lyle will be fine.

I got a granola bar in him.

All right, where were we?

Oh, Brian, you wanted

to make an announcement today.

I wanted to officially welcome

our newest member, Scary

Uh, who will be taking my spot

as I step away from the debate team.

What?

Yeah, I'm out. Stay frosty, dudes.

Oh. But without you,

Cracklewood Academy is gonna destroy us.

Brian! Brian!

Wait, can he do that?

I'm afraid he can.

Well, grab a podium, kid.

Brian is dead to us now.

Carson, come on!

Stop karate-chopping me already.

I can't help it. My B button is stuck.

Never game with syrupy fingers.

Hmm. Can I play?

You?

Wanna play World of Wizardcraft?

Mmm-hmm.

Uh, it's kind of tricky,

plus you'll need your own headset

and a profile,

and setting that up

takes a really long time.

Then let's get started.

Or not.

Now Remy won't even let me

game with him.

Have you ever gamed with him?

I just wanna do something together,

before he goes off to college

and only calls home

once a week to ask for more money.

Let me go talk to him

and see what's going on.

Good luck. He won't even

let you in there without a headset.

And your own profile.

Radical Dadical 842 reporting for duty.

Go, take the right. I'll flank left.

Flank, that's my favorite steak.

I'm a T-bone man myself.

But enough of the "meat" and greet.

What's new these days?

Hit me with it, boys.

Oh, we won't be boys for long, Mr. Ripp.

We're about to start our mansition.

Your man-what now?

Our mansition.

After the sixth grade social,

we'll be men.

Oh, right, the sixth grade social.

So, that's a big deal, huh?

It's more than a big deal.

It's a rite of passage.

We'll probably need

to start shaving after.

Not me. I'mma let this bad boy grow.

Hello.

What, you're not sleeping already?

No, GR. Just a bad day.

Oh, good.

About the not sleeping,

not about the bad day.

What is that?

Is that the talisman

I said to give to Erlic?

You said it was completed.

It was,

but now it's kind of uncompleted.

He was really mad at me

and gave it back.

It was a whole thing.

This is very bad, Frankie.

You must get that back

to him immediately.

I wish it was that easy,

but he won't even talk to me.

What should I do?

Do you have any ideas?

Shouldn't you be talking about that

with your friend, Styx?

It's Nyx, and she's busy.

Oh, balderdash! Fine!

Bring on the teen drama.

But do not call me "girlfriend."

Can I call you "my ride or die"?

I am regretting this already.

- So? How'd it go with Remy?

- Oh, pretty good.

I upgraded my Warlock character

two levels

and got a new skin.

I don't care about that.

Oh, right, um,

they only wanted to talk about

the sixth grade social.

The sixth grade social?

Is that this week?

Yeah. You didn't know?

Sounded like a big deal.

I mean, not that big a deal.

Just carnival games, cotton candy.

Carson said his mom

even volunteered to sell tickets.

Remy didn't tell me anything about it.

Why is he icing me out?

Oh, honey.

I don't think he's icing you out.

Well, it's easy for you to say.

You're not the one suddenly

on the sidelines.

It's like he doesn't even need me.

Of course, he needs you.

Way more than he needs me.

Dad, I need you.

Strictly game-related.

Flying in.

Brian quit debate.

So I wanna quit debate.

Okay. Then you should quit debate.

Oh, and can you hand me

that red sweater, please?

But then I'll just be a quitter,

and Brian will know

the only reason I joined

in the first place was because of him.

What's with all the door slamming?

I think Scary's not quitting debate?

But if I stay on the team,

I'll have to spend more time

with Mr. Aston.

But if I quit,

I'll have to go back to gym class.

But if I don't quit, I'll have to wear

that dumb team blazer.

But if I do, I'll have to decide what to

wear instead of that dumb team blazer.

If I don't quit,

I'll actually have to debate,

and I'm not even sure if I can.

Scary? You've been debating

this whole time.

And you're good.

You sold me on quitting

and not quitting, twice.

Fine, I'll stay on the team.

But I'm staying mad at Brian, too.

Good night.

Oh, man. My pajamas are in there.

Thanks.

Hey, there she is!

I heard you joined the debate team.

You're not about to make

a thing about it, are you?

Not now.

Good, because I'm in no mood.

I have to find a new debate buddy,

thanks to Brian.

Ooh, can I be your new debate buddy?

That's a great idea,

because Scary versus Scary was scary.

Okay, kids, what do you want

for breakfast?

Pancakes or waffles?

I vote for pancakes, Mr. Ripp.

Waffles are crispier and fluffier.

Well, pancakes are soft and spongy,

like eating a pillow.

Waffles have tiny pockets

that hold syrup and blueberries.

Good point, debate buddy.

Waffles it is, Dad.

It's too bad.

I really wanted pancakes.

How hard can it be to set up a profile?

Profile deleted? Oh, um

Mom, what are you doing?

Nothing. Your Your game was still on,

so I just turned it off.

That's definitely all I did.

Hey, do you need a ride

to the big Sixth Grade Sosh tomorrow?

Please, do not call it the "Sosh."

It cheapens it.

And Carson and I are gonna ride

our bikes like grown men

and spit along the way.

Well, if Carson's mom

is volunteering at the social,

maybe I should, too.

I wouldn't.

You think it's a bad idea?

Remy needs his independence.

Going will only push him away,

and before you know it,

he'll be hitting that decline button and

you'll be going to voicemail.

Good point. I shouldn't go.

But this is the last sixth grade social

you'll ever attend.

Never miss an opportunity

to create memories.

Good point. I should go.

I have no clue.

I was just sharpening my skills.

You've been debated.

Wow. Great job today, Scary!

I'm gonna start calling you

the Steamroller.

Uh, thanks?

We might actually have a chance

to take home the trophy

at tomorrow's regional

debate competition!

Wow, I have so little to live for.

Hey. What's with you?

You talked me out of taking notes

in science class,

and now I have a pop quiz tomorrow.

But I also said you should take notes.

Are you mad at me

or are you mad at yourself?

Abraham Lincoln once said,

"You can't escape the responsibility

of tomorrow by evading it today."

I added quotes to my debate game.

Can we take a break?

I'm kind of debated out.

No. My first debate is tomorrow.

How about I debate you

on whether you deserve a break?

Look! Brian!

Dude, I hear you're crushing it.

Dude.

Why did you quit debate?

Or was that just your mind

giving birth to another idea baby?

Hmm. When the tide is low

it's time to go.

What does that even mean?

It's also time to go

when the bell blows.

Bells don't blow. They ring.

'Bout time you opened your locker.

Grim, you scared me.

Good.

Still got it.

Have you, um

Have you seen Erlic yet?

I was just about to go talk to him.

Ooh! Well.

A good icebreaker is the best way in.

Such as, um,

"Would you like to know which of

your relatives got the down arrow?"

Um, I got this covered.

Leave the locker open

so I can see.

Don't you think it's weird

that you can drink a drink,

but you can't food a food?

I'm not talking to you.

Even though

I'm talking to you right now,

I'm still not talking to you.

Erlic, if you give me a chance,

I can explain about the board.

"Food a food"?

I said icebreaker, not ice maker.

See, that's funny.

Pretty, I need to practice my skills

for tomorrow's debate.

Pretty, where are you?

Hey. Have you seen Pretty?

No.

I'm confused about something Brian said.

I'm confused why

Erlic won't let me explain.

He said, "When the tide is low,

it's time to go."

The only thing he said to me

was that he's not talking to me.

- Am I the tide?

- Am I the problem?

Boys are so annoying.

Totally.

So are girls.

Hello, and welcome

to the Cracklewood Academy

versus Snickering Willows

debate smackdown.

Just trying to make it

a little more exciting.

Bunch of squares.

Today's topic,

"reading books versus

listening to audiobooks."

Snickering Willows won the toss,

so Steamroller

Uh, Scary, will begin

with opening remarks.

Real books have a clear advantage

over audiobooks.

And here's why.

Uh, books are Um.

Let's try this again.

Books are better

I can't I can't do this.

Debate fright strikes again.

Judge, could we, uh,

take a quick recess?

Oh, Gene, another losing season.

Dude, her vibrations are not in sync.

I'll go check on her.

Brian, we've been over this.

You can't call me "dude."

Right. Sorry, dude.

We made it, Carson.

And our cologne

is still certified fresh.

Oh, look, the photo booth is open.

I'll meet you over there.

I'm parched from

all the spitting on the ride over.

What's a man gotta do

to get two fruit punches around here?

If you make it snappy,

there's a tip in it for you.

Mom! What are you doing here?

Hey, Remy.

The school needed help

with the social, so I volunteered.

I didn't call them, they called me back,

after I left a message.

Mom, this is a big night for me.

I just want to hang out with my friends.

Honey. I promise not to get in the way.

And no hugs.

You won't even know I'm here.

Oh, hey, Carson! Love the hat!

Forget the beard,

the mustache is where it's at.

Yeah. Someday, my friend,

we'll have both.

Hey, Remy,

I know I said I wouldn't bother you,

but can we do the photo booth?

I would love to get

at least one picture of us.

Mom, that's so cringe.

I'm gonna walk away now.

There you are.

What happened in there?

Why didn't you go into attack mode?

I don't know.

So you're just gonna leave

your teammates hanging?

Like the way you left me hanging?

I lost my debate spirit and needed

someone awesome to replace me.

You were the first person I thought of.

Aw. Wait, don't compliment me. I'm mad.

Look, the only reason I joined

was because you asked me.

Then you bailed.

You joined for me?

Kinda.

Oh. I'm I'm sorry,

I didn't realize me leaving the team

was such a big deal.

Sorry we're late. Did we miss it?

Is the debate over?

Aw, Pretty, you came!

Of course.

I want to see you rip apart

someone other than me.

I'm sorry for the way I treated you.

You deserve to make your own decisions,

even if they're wrong.

Anyway, I think

I might be done with this debate thing.

Dude, no way!

When the tides are right,

you've gotta fight.

What does that even mean?

He means I have to get back in there

and kick butt.

Hey, thanks, Brian. Thanks, Pretty.

Now go crush Cracklewood!

Oh! Dude,

you gotta warn us before you horn us.

Remy, check it out.

They have the Super Slugger 3000.

And it has my name written all over it.

No way those were regulation softballs.

Step aside, Noodle Arm.

This game is rigged.

Come on, Carson.

Ha!

He still needs me

While I respect Cracklewood's position

that audiobooks are easier

to read in the dark,

reading actual books is far superior,

because they are more affordable,

and enable you to imagine

how characters sound.

Nobody should limit their imagination.

Not to mention,

books look good on shelves.

I won!

I won!

Uh, I I mean, we won!

We finally won!

It's gonna be fried chicken

in the bathtub tonight.

Thank you, Scary.

And good job, team.

You were so awesome out there.

You really were.

And that's not up for debate.

Mr. Aston, with your permission,

I would like to rejoin the team.

What? Really?

Oh, Brian, it's gonna be impossible

to open up a spot for you.

Lyle, you're out!

Watching you dominate

during the crossfire rounds

kind of made me miss it.

Your passion has reignited my passion.

So you're joining because of me?

Kinda.

Debate buddies?

Sure. But I'm still gonna steamroll you.

Remy, I won that bottle game!

Did you get the Super Slugger 3000?

Even better!

This is for you.

It matches your turtle jammies.

No, no, no!

Take it back. I don't want it.

Why not? I won it for you.

I don't need you to win anything for me.

I can win it on my own.

Oh, no, honey.

Not the way you were throwing.

That's not the point.

I'm not a little kid anymore.

Uh, okay.

If you don't want it,

I'll just give it away.

Hey, Mrs. Ripp,

if you need somebody

to take that off your hands,

I may know a guy

who has turtle jammies too.

It's me.

Remy, milk's read

No, he's too old for warm milk.

But I'm not.

Dad?

Where's Dad?

He took my shaving cream.

Yeah, he takes mine, too.

Hey, uh,

I'm sorry about tonight.

I don't know what got into me.

Don't worry about it.

Ritchie Ackerman fell into

the cotton candy machine

and it went viral,

so I'm in the clear.

Look, I know I embarrassed you,

but watching you grow up,

it's hard for me, Remy.

You're my baby.

But I understand that

you don't need me as much anymore.

Now that you're a man.

I'm sorry, too.

I was just doing

what I thought I was supposed to do.

But to tell you the truth,

the social wasn't all I expected.

I don't feel any different.

Huh. Give it some time,

you'll get there.

And so will I.

Is that my nighty-night milk?

Yeah, I thought you'd be too old for it.

Even a man needs nighty-night milk.

Love you, Mom.

Oh!

- I love you too, honey.

- Goodnight.

My baby's growing up.

It's what they do.

But, hey, I'll never grow up.

Oh, I know.

Grim, are you sure

this is going to work?

I refuse to believe

that chivalry is dead.

Oh, look. Here he comes.

Quick, go now. And don't forget,

make eye contact.

Okay, here goes nothing.

Oh!

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Chivalry lives on!

Now, you must get

that talisman back on Erlic.

We have work to do.

Toodles.

Toodles.

That's so fun to say.