01x09 - The Squatter in 5B

[bunniefuu]

(distant traffic)

GÓMEZ: Partners. Entrepreneurs.
They own a bar or a design business.

To me they look more like school mommies.

They dropped the kids at school
and they're going for coffee and gossip.

GÓMEZ: A doctor. An eminence.
He's a neurosurgeon.

He tricked you.

What?

ELISEO: I know him. He has a real-estate
agency. He sells apartments.

How is the pool thing coming along?

Fantastic. The project
is definitively dead.

They can't face the elevator and
the pool expenses at the same time.

Definitely?

Yes, Gómez, much to your
regret as I can see, but yes.

Eliseo.

Hey! He's here.
He's the new elevator technician.

-How are you? Okay?
-JULIO: Good.

-Ah… What's your name?
-Julio.

Well, Julio, let me tell you a little
bit about the work dynamic

of everyone who provides services
for the owners' association.

What?

You provide services for the
owners' association, don't you?

Yes.

Well, do you know who chooses
who the owners' association hires?

Who hires you for the job?

-You do.
-Hey! Very good.

We're understanding each other.

I will call you one of these days to
explain a little how all this works, okay?

-We'll get along just fine.
-Alright.

-My pleasure, champ. Bye.
-See you.

-Business?
-Private business, Gómez.

-ELISEO: Hey! How are you?
-Very well, and you?

-Good.
-Remember, I want…

No, not want. I need you to model for me.

(laughs) I really appreciate it,
but that makes me a little embarrassed.

I'll be painting you so well.

ELISEO: I know that, and I never doubted
your talent, but I'm shy, Tatiana.

I'll keep insisting until I
make your shyness go away.

(laughs) Alright.

(gasping)

-Hello. What's up, Eliseo?
-(laughs) How are you, doctor? Tired?

Let me give you some good news.
The new technician just left.

The elevator is working.

-Yes, yes, he called me.
-ELISEO: Ah! He already did? That's good!

It's a shame the pool can't be built.
I know the elevator repairs are expensive.

Well, one day you'll be able to build it.
Such a nice project… a swimming pool.

Oh, but listen, we're
lucky with this issue.

Di Lella called me yesterday
to tell me his daughter Chiara

is super excited about the pool,

so he's gonna advance us
the money to begin the project.

I mean, he's gonna loan the money to the
owners' association, but at zero interest.

We'll have three years to
pay him back, so it's great.

Di Lella, with the union thing,
has a lot of resources.

If we wanted to, we could get started
tomorrow. We're only missing the voting.

Oh well. Next week is the voting
assembly of the owner's association.

Are you alright?

-Who, me?
-Yes, you.

I'm okay, what about you?

-What?
-ELISEO: Are you okay?

-I'd better be okay.
-Good.

-ZAMBRANO: Why?
-No, nothing.

-Well, then.
-I'm glad.

Well, I'm gonna take a shower…
You don't look okay.

THE BOSS

(distant yelling through bullhorn)

-I underestimated the power of money.
-Yeah, you screwed up.

Against money, you know,
no strategy will help you.

Don't be so sure. They may have
the money, but I have the knowledge.

I know each one of them
better than they know themselves.

That's tough. I don't
understand. What will you do?

Take action. A coordinated attack.

The world belongs to the doers,
Gabriel, not to the talkers.

GABRIEL:
Hey! I like that quote. (laughs)

You know what, Eliseo?
I'm also gonna take action.

About what?

About the woman you met the
other day, the one that's hot for me.

ELISEO: Don't you ever quit, Gabriel?
I think you're watching the wrong movie.

GABRIEL: With all due respect, you're the
one watching the wrong movie.

But it's okay. You have a whole
bunch of problems, it's okay.

I'm just telling you because you're
my friend, but do whatever you want.

I'm leaving. The final
attack is about to begin.

You're scary, aren't you? (chuckles)

(distant dogs barking)

-ELISEO: Augusto. Are you okay?
-Cool, man.

ELISEO (laughs): Good for you.
You're home early. Very good.

Yeah. Actually, I went out
last night and never stopped.

I'm just getting home.

(laughs) Wait, wait. I wanna
ask you something very important.

Do you know if your folks
will vote for or against the pool?

Oh, yes. They're pretty stoked about it.

They say the apartment value will increase
with a pool. But what do I know?

-Oh, yes? How nice for them.
-AUGUSTO: Yeah.

Well, I have a chore for you.
You have to make them vote against it.

-That's impossible, impossible, trust me.
-ELISEO: No, no.

Not so impossible, or else they'll
find out you're always partying,

that you haven't passed
an exam in two years.

Eliseo, they already know that.

Besides, I don't care. I'm dropping
out of college and heading to California,

to Grass Valley,
to grow pot with a friend.

Such an ambitious project!
Congratulations.

AUGUSTO: But, Eliseo, with all the money
you'll be receiving as severance pay,

you can leave this sh*thole
of a building, travel, enjoy life…

You can come visit me in Grass
Valley! We can smoke together!

(chuckles) Nice proposal.

How wonderful! So many people think that,
by traveling and visiting places,

they'll get more pleasure
than staying where they are.

I didn't understand sh*t.
I'm still a bit sloshed.

-Are you drunk now? It doesn't show.
-AUGUSTO: Yeah, a little bit.

-ELISEO: Are you smashed? Go on home.
-Yeah.

-ELISEO: Can you walk by yourself?
-AUGUSTO: Yeah, of course.

ELISEO:
Well, I'm glad. Slowly, okay?

-I love you.
-I love you too, I love you too.

(quietly) Go f*ck yourself…

-MIGUEL: Eliseo!
-What are you doing here so late?

I was cleaning the storage
area. It was a mess.

-Yes, it's built-up grime.
-Yeah.

-We could have done it some other time.
-Well…

I wanted to give you a hand
after what you did for me.

-That was not necessary, Miguel.
-Yeah, it was.

Go on home, pal. It's late.

-Alright, thanks, Eliseo. Good night.
-Bye, Miguel, bye.

(quietly) Sons of b*tches.

Eliseo. My cat Kiwi is missing.

Don't worry, don't worry.
I'll help you find him.

I'M KIWI, I'M LOST, AND I MISS
MY OWNER VERY MUCH

I can't lie to you. Eugenia…

Kitties that get lost don't return
home unless you find them.

-Has Kiwi been neutered?
-Yes, why?

I'm worried because neutered cats
often lose their sense of direction,

they don't know where they are.

EUGENIA: Oh! I don't even want
to think if he crossed a street and…

It's quite likely, you know?

Indoor cats don't know the
street dangers, that's the way it is.

So, we should better get used to the idea…

Anyway, thank you so much
for helping me, Eliseo.

Oh, please! Let's go on.

Let's go over to those trees.

THERE IS A REWARD

(doorbell)

Hello! How are you, darling?

I forgot to tell you
to wear something comfortable.

-Come in, come in.
-ELISEO: With your permission, Tatiana.

-I'm so glad you're here.
-So am I.

(opera music)

I'm sorry, Tatiana.

(brush clatters)

Easy, easy, Eliseo. Relax.

ELISEO:
I think with a little more clothing,

-I'd be more relaxed…
-TATIANA: Listen to me,

-I won't do anything to you…
-Yeah. Thank you.

…that you don't want. Eh?
(Eliseo laughs)

Alright?

(music fades)

You think I haven't noticed you've
got the hots for me, you dummy?

-ELISEO: No, Tatiana, please, I beg you.
-What's wrong, Eliseo? Don't you like me?

ELISEO: No, don't say that,
quite the opposite. Good God.

The thing is you… you remind me…
so much of Clarita, my late wife.

You never told me you had a wife.

-It's hard for me to talk about that.
-TATIANA: Aha.

It was a long time ago.
I would say 30 years ago.

It was during a fun summer for both
of us. We were riding a banana boat.

On a sharp turn, she flew off the boat
and, when she went into the water,

the propeller severed off her leg…

-TATIANA: No!
-…right on the femoral artery.

-TATIANA: No!
-(choked) She bled out…

-TATIANA: That poor thing.
-…on the shore.

-TATIANA: Well, it's all right now.
-Yes, I'm all right.

-TATIANA: I'll help you…
-No…

…work through the mourning.

-ELISEO: Thanks.
-Turn around, Eliseo.

ELISEO:
Oh! Okay.

Oh! Such a nice picture…
of Don Emilio. Such a great judge!

TATIANA: Yes, yes. That judge
won't be judging us anymore.

You know what's the matter?

I have a pressing concern
that I'd like to share with you.

I don't know if you've heard
about the project for the terrace

to build a swimming pool.

They'll be hiring a cleaning
service and terminating me.

TATIANA: Don't worry about
a thing, I know all about it.

Forget it. A pool is the embodiment of
vulgarity. Letting you go is a crime,

and I'm not going to allow it. Don't
worry. Over my dead body.

You give me peace of mind.
I really appreciate it.

Alright, so… your existential
problem has been solved.

(chuckles) Yes.

TATIANA: Well, now let's
move on to the important stuff.

No…

(sighs)

(whispers) f*cking hell…

Tatiana was a tough one, but it's done.

Eight votes for the pool.
Seven for Eliseo.

Hey! Come to Uncle Eliseo.
(Kiwi meows)

Come here, honey.

Two of them are still undecided, Kiwi.
One of them is Gregorio Basavilbaso.

I don't know how to find him,
since he lives in the country.

And the other one is your mom,
who must be frantic looking for you.

VEGETARIAN

I need those two votes
and I'm gonna get them.

Shall we go get the first one, Kiwi?
Let's go get the first one.

(Kiwi whines)
Yes, my love.

(doorbell)

(cutely) Oh! (laughs)

EUGENIA: Kiwi, my baby! Hello!
(Kiwi squeaks)

ELISEO: I couldn't sleep
and I went out looking for him.

Where did you find him?

ELISEO: He was on top of a wall
two blocks away from here.

I walked very slowly to him
so as not to scare him

and see what he was doing.
I waited for about an hour.

Then, he came willingly
to me and hugged me.

Oh, you don't know how thankful I am,
Eliseo. I was desperate.

I can imagine.

EUGENIA:
Hold on a second, I'll get my wallet.

No, Eugenia, my God. You offend me.

Any superintendent
would have done the same.

No, not anyone. A cleaning
service certainly wouldn't.

(laughs) Well, have a good night.
I'm sorry I got you out of bed.

No! Thank you very much, Eliseo.

-ELISEO: Bye. Bye, Kiwi.
-(as Kiwi) Bye.

ELISEO:
Look how's he's watching everything.

Eugenia.

(sighs in satisfaction)

It's an 8-8 tie.

One more undecided owner. If I manage
to get that vote, Dr. Zambrano…

you're gonna have to shove
the pool up your a*s, hm?

I'm sorry, Don Gregorio,
but your time has come.

(distant chatter, traffic)

-Hi, Eliseo. What are you up to?
-ELISEO: What's up, Polaco?

Did you bring anything for me?

-ELISEO: Some cigarettes.
-Thank you, pal.

ELISEO: Listen to me. I have a
very profitable proposal for you.

(quietly) Come this way. Slowly.

This way, Polaco, come.
This way, this door. Here.

(normally) Well, here we are.

Ah! This is posh, my friend.
(Eliseo chuckles)

It's a mansion! (chuckles) Look.

-ELISEO: See how pretty it is?
-POLACO: Yeah, beautiful.

And it has four rooms. it's sunny…

-POLACO: Yeah.
-ELISEO: Take good care of it, Polaco.

Careful with the dog piss. I hope this
lazy dog doesn't take a leak here.

The lazy dog has a name.
(La Pera barks)

His name is Alfredo Le Pera.

-Is there a bathtub here?
-ELISEO: Sure.

Fine, I'll have him piss
in the bathtub. No problem.

I've left you some decent clothes on
the bed. Take a bath and clean up,

because the show is tomorrow.

-Sure, don't worry.
-ELISEO: Great.

So, what would you like for dinner?

-What? Anything I want?
-ELISEO: Yeah, whatever you want.

-Okay, write it down.
-I'll remember.

-I'd like beef roulade with potato salad.
-Okay.

That's the hors d'oeuvres.

-Oh!
-POLACO: For the main course,

-Neapolitan breaded veal…
-ELISEO: Yes.

…no ham, with a fried egg
on top and potatoes.

Spanish potatoes, the round ones,

-not potato sticks.
-Okay.

POLACO: An arugula and onion salad
on the side with olive oil, no vinegar.

-Ah.
-POLACO: And for dessert, crème caramel,

-with whipped cream.
-Very well. Anything else, Mr. Polaco?

POLACO:
That's for me.

For Le Pera, some noodles
with butter and grated cheese.

And an sirloin steak,
not too fatty if possible.

And I'll have some wine,
a Pinot Noir for example,

and one non-carbonated water
and a sparkling one.

-Non-carbonated.
-I'll make do with that.

Alright, Polaco.

-ELISEO: Hello. Mr. Basavilbaso?
- GREGORIO: Yes, that's me.

How are you? This is Eliseo.

GREGORIO:
Eliseo! It's been so long. How are you?

Fine. That's right, we haven't talked
in a long time. How's everything?

GREGORIO:
Good, fortunately things are good.

-Well, I'm very glad. Sorry to bother you,
-GREGORIO: Yes, go on?

but the neighbors have been
complaining about your new tenant.

He's noisy, he moves furniture around--

GREGORIO:
My tenant? In my apartment?

-What…?
- GREGORIO: In 5B?

Yes, obviously 5B, your
apartment. That's why--

GREGORIO:
But I didn't rent my apartment!

What do you mean
you don't have a tenant? Oh!

Could it be your son?

GREGORIO:
Impossible, my son is in Chicago.

-He's in Chicago.
- GREGORIO: Yes.

(chuckles) Well, I don't know…

There's someone in the apartment.
They've been there for four days now.

-I've knocked but they won't open.
-GREGORIO: I didn't rent it!

Take it easy now, Gregorio.
No, don't get--

GREGORIO (yells):
m*therf*cker! Someone's broken in!

You'll get sick, Gregorio. Take it easy.

I would advise you
to come as soon as possible,

and we'll work this out.

But there's someone in the house,
that's a fact. That's what I don't like.

I'll be waiting for you, yes.

-See you tomorrow. Bye, Gregorio. Goodbye.
- GREGORIO: I can't f*cking believe--

That poor man.

(door shuts)

ELISEO:
Working as a team. Very nice.

-Hello, Eliseo.
-ELISEO: Where's Magui?

-VICTORIA: No, don't even say her name.
-ELISEO: What happened?

-She quit.
-No! Why?

Yes. She sent us an awful letter.

The b*tch is asking
for two and a half million.

PABLO:
More than that. She wants 2.6.

It seems she has some pirate lawyer who's
been egging her on. Can you believe it?

Our lawyer says we should pay,
because she has the legal advantage.

Imagine doing this to us
after we brought her into our family.

-One ungrateful woman.
-That's the right word, ungrateful.

Some people are greedy b*stards.
Excuse my language.

(Pablo hums)
You give them a job, you feed them,

and they thank you by biting your hand.

It's the lawyers
who fill their heads with ideas.

I liked her, despite what she's
done. What a mean woman…

-Well, I'll leave you to your work. Bye.
-BOTH: Bye.

Oh! By the way. I went to the store
and tried the sourdough bread.

-PABLO: And?
-Not good, it was sour. I didn't like it.

Bye, have a nice day.

PABLO:
Bye, Eliseo.

GREGORIO: Will you tell me
what the f*ck is going on?

Well, first of all, welcome,
Don Gregorio. Let me explain.

I tried to open the door
with the key you gave me,

but they must have changed the lock.

GREGORIO:
How can they just break into my apartment?

What the hell is going on in this country?

-Take it easy, Don Gregorio.
-(yells) Easy my a*s.

-I'm gonna beat the sh*t out of him.
-Please, follow my advice.

Do it the right way, trust me.

-That m*therf*cking b*stard.
-Gregorio!

-ELISEO: Stay calm, Gregorio, easy.
-GREGORIO: Calm my a*s.

(doorbell buzzes)
(muffled salsa music playing)

-ELISEO: Please, please. Stay calm.
-No, no.

-Easy, easy.
-POLACO: Good afternoon, gentlemen.

GREGORIO:
You old turd.

-Where the f*ck did you come from?
-Such language!

Could you please turn down the music?

This music is “Viejo Smoking,"
Julio Sosa's version, you deaf.

I'll be right back.

GREGORIO (yells):
Where the hell are you going?

-I'm gonna k*ll him.
-Gregorio, let's not f*ck this up.

Stay calm.

Who are you? You have an ID?

-POLACO: I do.
-Let me see.

Dalmiro Novak, aka Polaco,
born in Dock Sud, Avellaneda.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I must leave you. I have much work to do.

GREGORIO: What work do you
have to do? Can you believe this?

That's it, that's it, please.
Take it easy. You'll get sick.

Believe it or not, this sort of
thing happens very often.

-m*therf*cking son of a b*tch!
-Yes, there are gangs that do this.

They squat on empty properties
knowing it's difficult to get them out.

You can do nothing. Calm down.

-What do you mean I can do nothing?
-You must call your lawyer.

-(groans) No, no…
-Alright. Come here.

There's nothing you can do
now. Alright, calm down.

I'll do what you told me, Eliseo. Tomorrow
morning, I'll be here with my lawyer.

-Fine. I'll see you tomorrow.
-Yeah. This country has gone to hell.

(car unlocks)

(door slams, engine starts)

(La Pera barks, whines)

Eliseo.

ELISEO:
What's up, Polaco? How's everything?

Well… We're finished here. You can
go. This is what we had agreed on.

Come on, hurry, let's go.

Hurry, Polaco, what is it?
Come on, let's go.

(La Pera whines)
You know what, Eliseo?

-Things just got complicated.
-What got complicated?

POLACO:
Le Pera and I were thinking about it,

and, the truth is, we'd like
to stay here a while longer.

We like this place very much.
It's very comfortable.

-What can I tell you?
-ELISEO: Sure.

We go back a long time, don't we, Polaco?

-Yeah.
-ELISEO: Years.

And I've always helped you.

With money, clothes, with whatever I
could. I think you're making a mistake.

So? What will you do? If the
owner comes back, or the police,

I can always tell them you set me up here.
And that would be a huge problem for you.

So, don't break my ba*ls.
I'm asking you, please.

What's the matter? Eh?
(La Pera barks)

Nothing is the matter.
Don't worry. Enjoy the apartment.

(La Pera barks)

(La Pera barks)

POLACO (calls):
Le Pera.

Le Pera!

Le Pera!

Le Pera… Where are you? Come
here, come out. Where are you?

(yells) Le Pera! Le Pera!

What did you do to Le Pera,
you son of a b*tch?

ELISEO:
I don't know what you're talking about.

Come on, don't take me
for a moron, Eliseo.

ELISEO: Polaco, I wanted to give you a
chance, and what did you do?

You tried to screw me over.

(tearfully) Give me back my
dog, you thieving b*stard.

The doggy won't show up, you know?

Tell you what. I'm gonna report you to
the police and tell them everything.

Whatever you say,
who are they gonna believe?

The filthy pauper that lives in a square,

or the superintendent
of a high-standard building?

Come on, get lost. Go back
to that hellhole where you live.

Go on. And maybe the
doggy will turn up. Go now.

I'm leaving, but if Le Pera
doesn't show up today…

I swear… I'm gonna k*ll you, you dirty
son of a b*tch. (calls, choked) Le Pera!

Le Pera! Le Pera!
(Eliseo mocks wordlessly)

You must stand strong.
I want him out right away.

Eliseo… What happened?
Oh, this is my lawyer.

-Dr. D'Espósito.
-ELISEO: Nice to meet you.

-Well, it's over. I already fixed it.
-I don't get it. How did you fix it?

ELISEO: I appealed to his common
sense. I had a long chat with him,

I told him who you are,
a working man from the country.

I told him the countryside was the driving
force behind our country and well…

And that was enough? He's gone?

Well, not really. I had to insist a
little more using other strategies.

(hushes) Enough said. I got it. (laughs)
You're a genius, you're great, my brother.

(chuckles) Well, I took the liberty
to mediate because…

I figured the legal process
would take years.

-ELISEO: Right?
-He's totally right.

ELISEO: Besides, I couldn't have
a guy like that in the building.

GREGORIO:
I can't even explain the monetary

and mental problems you've just saved me.

I don't have a head for this.
You're extraordinary,

-and I want to reward you, it's the least…
-No. You offend me. Let me tell you why.

As long as I'm here,
this is my job, Gregorio.

Though I don't know
how much longer I'll be here.

Are you leaving
the building, the country?

No. You obviously haven't heard.

Dr. Zambrano, the president
of the owners' association,

wants to build a swimming pool in the
terrace, and, as a result, get rid of me.

They'll be voting yes or no in
a meeting. And that's next week.

They are totally insane.

They want to fire you
to make a f*cking pool?

That's crazy and I'm voting against it.

You're gonna come all the
way from the country? No.

GREGORIO: If I can't make it,
I'll give him power of attorney.

He'll do it. I pay him a fortune every
month. Besides, I hate this apartment.

If you happen to find someone
who'd like to buy it,

-there will be a commission for you.
-Thank you very much.

GREGORIO: That has nothing to do
with my vote. My vote will be for you.

Goyo Basavilbaso is a man of his word.

-Thank you so much, Gregorio.
-GREGORIO: Thank you.

The last one. (laughs)
You're great, Gregorio.

Nine for Eliseo.
Eight for the pool. (laughs)

(singing) ♪ The pool won't be built… ♪

♪ You got screwed, Zambrano,
The pool won't be built… ♪

(grunts)

Aren't you late for your English class?

No, it's at half past.
They're picking me up.

PAOLA:
Hello.

-Hello.
-Hey. How are you?

-Hey.
-Hi.

-I believe they've become good friends.
-Yes, they're getting along, aren't they?

Eliseo, I wanted to tell you
I spoke with Andrea.

She won't budge.
She'll be voting for the pool.

-(hushed) She's an idiot.
-Don't worry.

Everything is fine. Don't worry
about it. Thank you for trying.

But I think there's gonna be
Eliseo for quite some time,

because the votes are showing just that.

-Hey! That's great!
-We'll see. Let's hope I'm right.

-Obviously. I'm glad.
-Thanks, Paola.

-Sure. Let's go, Thiago.
-See you later.

-THIAGO: Okay, bye.
-ELISEO: Bye.

Bye.

CAMILA:
I know what you did.

-ELISEO: What did I do?
-You set it all up.

You had Cony come here
and give you tickets.

-Thiago doesn't like Cony.
-Oh! That coward spilled the beans.

Yeah. But he didn't tell me why you
did it. But I guessed it all by myself.

Yes, because I thought
you would become good friends.

CAMILA: You don't do anything
that won't work in your favor.

You did it because you like Thiago's
nanny, to get closer to her.

But there's more. Paola doesn't know
all the things you did secretly.

So, there's only one explanation: you did
it for Thiago because you love him.

I won't tell her anything,
but deep inside you're a good guy.

(El Pera barks)

Oh! (tearfully laughs)

How are you, baby? How are you?
I missed you so much!

(El Pera barks)
I missed you so much! (laughs)

I'm sorry about the dog, Polaco,
but you gave me no choice.

No, no.

I'm the one who's sorry.

I became addicted to luxury.

I went nuts.

But… Well…

-Here. Cheers.
-Cheers, Polaco.

THE BOSS