03x10 - Halloween

[bunniefuu]

- [boy grunts]
- [phone dings]

Hold all my calls.

- [giggling]
- [lullaby plays]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss
Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son
Where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify
You just got to pay me ♪

- ♪ Who's in charge? ♪
- ♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

Long night, people!

Who needs to double diap?

[panting]

[babies shouting]

- Watch it!
- [panting]

- [Hendershot quivers]
- [Chip] Aah! Oh!

[grunts, panting]

- Sign!
- [baby wails]

I said three zebras!

Here's that memo and paperwork!
Thanks for the bottle.

You're fired! No, you're not fired.
I need your zebras.

[grunts, panting]

Miss Multi-Multitask CEO Baby,
I've got the latest numbers.

We're holding for now.

Cute babies in costumes are giving us
a major spike in baby love.

No reported sugar meltdowns,
but we gotta keep an eye

on candy distribution
and consumption patterns or...

[imitates airplane engine]

...baby love goes down in flames!

[screaming]

[imitates crash, siren wailing]

Aah! My hair's on fire!

Wah! Wah! Wah!

- Short version?
- Just a normal Halloween at Baby Corp.

[baby growling]

My kind of holiday.

File that.
Cancel my Num-Nums reservation.

And someone get me a hat
I can drink out of!

[Peg] I still have extra diapers!

Baby love against candy?

Candy always wins!

How are you just sitting there?

Because I'm not watching baby love.

Tonight, I'm watching one baby.

Look alive, people!

Tonight we make our move.

How do I know he's making his move?

Because... it's Halloween.

Baby Corp's busiest night of the year.

It'll be candy-monium up there.

What's the best night
for a team of babies to cross town

without attracting suspicion?

The one night that comes
with built-in disguises.

We will be quiet as mice
and busy as bees...

Under cover of costumes and chaos,

he'll sneak away
with that soggy baloney field team of his.

...and into the belly of the beast...

Bubbeezee headquarters!

[babbling]

Aye, Captain, it is a gamble,
but Bubbeezee's forcing my hand.

Even my parents
are starting to buy into their bunk.

I found a Bubbeezee lock
on the toilet this morning!

Granted, I have no use for toilets myself,
but it's an ominous sign.

[toilet flushes]

I almost had to number two in the tub!

Focus, Templeton.

Buskie arrives in three, two...

[doorbell rings]

Welcome to the First Annual Playgroup
Halloween Spook-Templeton-Tacular!

[spooky laugh]

Well, what a daredevilish little costume!

[Mr. Buskie laughs] Oh, that's not
his costume, it's a prescription helmet.

I'll take him up with the babies!

Everything's in place,
but I have to warn you,

Staci's running
the Baby Corp field team now,

and she's good.

After all...

He trained me.

- Jimbo?
- [whimpering]

He's the boss!

We've always trusted him!

I know, but he's off his head right now.

Turning down his old job,
making friends with Bug the Pug,

this anti-Bubbeezee obsession!

We have to stop him for his own good.

- Tough love.
- Extra tough.

If I know Boss,
he'll have something big up his sleeve.

The question is, what?

All I can say is that it's big
and it's up my sleeve.

Very hush-hush.

You're up, cop.

[shrieks]

- [babbles]
- Oh, sorry. Crooked cop.

It's a blend of lavender oil and healing.

[parents chattering]

[Ted] Wow, this is like a vacation
in a bottle right there!

[Doug] My nose is laughing
and giggling, everybody!

G'ah!

Show-off.

[Staci] I'll need
a full field team, ma'am.

Boss Baby might have a screw loose,
but he's still a machine.

Oh, milk's gone bad!

- A little to the left. No pancakes!
- [wails]

Aren't you and Boss Baby tight?

We were.

But if doing time in daycare
taught me anything,

it's how to block out any feeling of mercy
when a punk needs handling!

Enjoy your BLT sandwich, Brayden...
bacon, lettuce, tarantula.

[evil laugh]

[snaps fingers]

Let me meditate on that for a sec.

Om. Om. Om.

Still meditating. Om. Om.

Mission approved!

It's risky, sure, but sometimes
you gotta take risks.

[announcer over PA] A message
from the board of directors.

The board does not approve
of risk-taking on Halloween.

Multi-Multitask CEO Baby, you're fired!

Great! More time for my hobbies!

[playing bugle]

The last thing I heard
was "mission approved,"

so I guess it's time for...

Phase two, Templeton.

Mom, Dad, other moms, dads,
you guys never get to stay in

and hand out candy on Halloween,
which is, like, the most fun part.

I just had a spontaneous idea!

Why don't I take the babies
trick-or-treating this year

while you relax and talk about oils?

Oh, honey... [stammers]

- that's considerate of you, but...
- Hold that "but."

I know me alone with eight babies
is a bad idea,

but what if I already have that covered?

[doorbell rings]

Greetings, adults.

Huh, he does look weirdly respectable
in that top hat.

- Release the squirrel.
- [squirrel chittering]

It would be fun to stay
and pass out candy for once.

Hey, squirrel, my quarter wants a smooch.

- Kiss it! [shouts]
- [squirrel chitters]

- [quarter clinks]
- Sorry, Timbo. Nice thought.

[binoculars clicking]

[laughing]

Solid move, Staci.

- However...
- [doorbell rings]

...it's exactly what I would have done.

Ha! Cat-lassic, Marisol!

Our first trick-or-treater of the night!

Oh, no, Mr. Templeton. I'm here to take
the babies trick-or-treating with Tim,

right on time, like we arranged
on the phone.

[snaps fingers]

- Cool.
- She's here? Marisol's here?

How is she here?

Hi, Marisol! Ted Templeton here!

Ugh, mm-mm, nope.
That was better on the phone.

- [whimpering]
- Laces tight.

We got eight babies
and ten square blocks of 'burb.

We are hauling in candy by the dreamload.

Oh, you like trick-and-treat? Or treat?

And/or... it's either.
What's your favorite candy?

Rainbow Rope Suckers!
That's... That's what mine is.

Really? Mine, too!

- That's so funny!
- [goofy laugh]

[gasps] Uh, I-I'll get ready the babies.

Oh!

Do you need to use the toilet?
Or the bathtub?

No, I'm freaking out!

Just thinking of Marisol
makes me feel like the songs

Mom and Dad make us listen to
on long car trips, and then they kiss...

She's gonna see through me!
I'll blow the mission!

- [Buskie grunts, growls]
- Ow!

You were spiraling.

- Buskie, release.
- [Buskie giggles]

If the rest of us are going to get away
with storming Bubbeezee,

you have to make sure
Marisol's too "bubbusy"

to realize we're not in these wagons.

Forget gooey song feelings,
focus on gooey candy acquisition.

And I will help you.

- Uh, you will?
- N-Not you.

I want in on your man-baby brother's
journey to Marisol's heart!

I'm not journeying to anybody's heart.

You can come if you want to help,
but my brother's right,

tonight needs to be about candy.

Yeah, I see your mouth talking,
but I hear your beating insides.

Squooshie-squoosh, squooshie-squoosh.

Let's just do the mission, okay?

- Good luck.
- Happy Halloween.

[kids laughing]

She's around here somewhere.

Joy, scan the perimeter.

- Aah!
- Crazy meeting you here, Boss.

You're looking good.

Jailbird... appropriate.

I had no idea you enjoyed
the trick or treats.

What brings you out?

You looked cold,
so I'm gonna bring you into Baby Corp

and put you in the hot seat.

You tie your baby laces
with that certainty?

Double-knotted.

Good... because I wouldn't
want you to trip.

- [monitor chiming]
- Huh, a message from Baby Corp.

I wonder what that could be about.

Hiya, Stace! So, I'm CEO now!

Whoo-hoo! Wild!

Anyhoos, some stupid house is giving away
candy by the double fistfuls.

You better shut that down
before any babies get over-sugared.

Whose house?

Hang on. Checking.

Um... huh, says it's the Templetons'.

Wasn't that...

- Thank you!
- [growling]

- [squeals]
- I'm a leopard!

How do we still have
ten more bowls of candy?

No idea, but it's kind of fun!

[kids] Trick or treat!

- I'm gonna eat you!
- ♪ Smell my feet, trick or treat ♪

- Om nom nom nom...
- ♪ Smell my feet! ♪

Some baby's gonna overeat and melt down
if we don't clean out that candy,

so make Mama proud.

[doorbell rings]

[Ted laughs]

Little office workers!

Oh, hope you're not here to do my taxes!

I'd hate to get "aww-ditted"! [laughs]

- [thuds]
- [babbles]

Happy Halloween! Have a great night!

You really know how to rock
a plain green polo shirt, fellow parent.

Thanks. It's my "cool dad" costume.

You know, polo players invented the style
in the late 19th century

to keep their collars
from flapping in the wind.

No way!

- I've got one in blue, too.
- Fascinating.

Tell me more about shirts and colors!

- Well, actually, the sport coat...
- Okay, truly insightful!

Ah, parenting, right?

We just bonded. Thanks! Bye!

Progress check!

Ooh! Is that the candy?

Yep! We bathed and powdered this mission.

Now it's ready for bed.

Whoo-hoo! [giggles]

Nailin' the CEO thing!

Great job!

Yeah.

Jimbo, dispose of the contraband.

I got an ex-boss to haul in...

with your permission,
Worker Baby Peg CEO Baby.

Yeah, go, whatevs.

Mm. Mmm!

Oh, my gosh,
that's what candy tastes like?

You guys have got to try this!

[munching]

- More! Give me that!
- More!

- [doorbell rings]
- [both] Trick or treat!

You'll notice we have eight more
trick-or-treaters,

so unless you want a discrimination
against babies lawsuit on your hands,

you'll kindly cough up
eight more Arctic Snowballs.

Thank you.

- That was awesome!
- No time to bask in success.

We don't stop until our feet are on fire
and the candy's on the floor for sorting.

- What's next?
- Not that one.

[both] Dentists!

- But I hear this one's passing out...
- [both] Rainbow Rope Suckers!

Glad to have you on my side tonight, Tim.

[clears throat] Focus on candy.

Onward!

- What's the costume, by the way?
- This?

Oh, uh...

Tell her you're dressed as garbage
because you want her to take you out!

- [smooching]
- Ew!

Focus on candy.

- [kids shouting]
- [dance music playing]

For the love of a mother's smile,
it's a preek bacchanal.

[preeks shouting]

Turn back!
We'll have to find another way around!

[babbling]

There's the unstoppable monster I created.

Do we have any cover?

Then forget going around.

We'll have to lose her
in that hyperactive maelstrom.

And may Halloween have mercy on us all!

Into the preeks!

Aah!

- [babies shouting]
- [Shover squeals]

[preek] Chocolate.

- Ribbit ribbit.
- [shouting]

Forge through.
Bubbeezee is just on the other side of...

- Aah! Aah!
- Bleh! Bleh!

[gasps]

Into the heart
of a sugared-up preek storm?

You're a reckless lunatic, Boss Baby.

Exactly what I would have done.

- Aah! [grunts]
- [coin clinks]

No!

I hit a baby?

That quarter was for a squirrel!

I was fighting evil!

I'm sorry! Don't die on me!

Don't give my dad another reason
why I can't be trusted

to own a Chinese water dragon!

Don't you do it!

[grunts]

Ow! Yes!

I'm not going to prison
for a few more years!

- [music continues]
- [monitor chimes]

[growls] What?

Whoa, cowgirl!

Is that how you talk to your new CEO?

Hi, I'm first!

Chip's ruling Baby Corp with an iron fist!

The leader supremo, the...

What do you want, Chip?
I'm in the middle of...

Your sentence? [cackling]

You get it? 'Cause I cut off...
Mm, listen.

Peg's MIA,
your field team's gone rogue,

and baby love is suddenly tanking
at the, um, uh, mm...

Templetons'.

Wow! Yeah.

You should be CEO... but you're not!

[screaming]

So, has anyone figured out
why these parentless babies

are devouring ten bowls of candy
like hyenas on a wildebeest carcass?

When they realize we're out of candy,
they'll go away, right?

[crunching]

It's just a breath mint!

- [babies shouting]
- [screaming]

Somebody call the other police!

[Staci] You had to taste the candy.

Well, I've got the last piece.

[babies moaning]

- [monitor chirps]
- I'm sending Peg and the field team back.

But I've got to stay and go after BB.

Your new CEO approves.

Katja! Nice!

There was a military coup.
Do not trouble me again.

- [preeks screaming]
- [babies panting]

- Aah! [grunting]
- Bleh bleh! [shouts]

Everyone in one piece?

Good, because there's Bubbeezee.
Hurry!

Dakota, care to do the honors?

- [Dakota grunting]
- [keypad beeping]

[babbles]

Staci.

You're looking good.

Jailbird...

[growls] Exactly what I would have done.

[Buskie shouts]

No luck on the Buskie approach.

Anyone else have ideas?

Then what's the card reader for,
decoration?

But thank you. Move in!

- [xylophone music playing]
- Time to call it a night.

Also, do you hear a romantic Cuban bolero?

¡Ay, qué cosa!

Look over yonder.

Yonder?

We have to, um...

hit that house?

I didn't have it on my checklist.

Because...

i-it's a secret!

They're giving out
homemade popcorn ba*ls

dipped in caramel
and rolled in cookie crumbs.

Okay, one more.

Oh, you are very welcome, candy Romeo.

G'ah! Lost in a labyrinth
of poorly designed communal workspaces.

[Boss] Happy Sedengry?

The discredited Babblist?

What's that fraud doing here?

Why is he going
into the office of the CE...

[gasps] Oh, boy!

- [babbles]
- Doesn't make sense?

Au contraire, Dakota.

It's brilliant.

That whole Babblist gimmick was a setup!

Sure, we busted his act
on live television,

but what were the consequences, really?

A phony apology
and a boatload of free Bubbeezee swag

in homes across town!

The man's a diabolical genius.

I will not feel one ounce of guilt hitting
that huckster with my ultimate weapon.

[babbles]

I told you I had something big
up my sleeve.

- Buskie... [snaps fingers]
- [giggles]

- Carve us a key to that office.
- [giggling]

- [Staci shouts]
- [Boss groaning]

So, at last it's come to this...
once workplace acquaintances,

then associates, then friends,
now enemies.

I'm not your enemy, knucklehead!

I'm trying to help you!

I've got a plan here, Stace.

Then let me guess...
your ultimate weapon...

is to violate Baby Corp's number one rule
by revealing yourself as a talking baby,

snapping that guy's brain
like a toothpick

because grownups
can't handle that knowledge,

and... [imitates expl*si*n]

Happy goes loony, Bubbeezee goes down,

Baby Corp be darned.

That... actually is my plan.

How did you figure it out?

Because it's exactly what I would do.

If you can cross lines, so can I!

[grunting]

Ted and Janice might be interested
to learn their precious bambino

is across town
in a spooky office building unsupervised.

It's ringing!

Shover... shove!

- [Shover squeals]
- [grunts]

- [ringing stops]
- Ha-ha!

[gasps] I know that shove.

I'd know that shove anywhere!

Brayden!

Who's Brayden?
I thought your name was Eggy.

- [babbles]
- Aegi? Really?

Korean for "baby." Huh.

Well, you learn something new every...
Wait, you're daycare Brayden?

Don't... you... dare!

- [thuds]
- [Staci screaming, groans]

Backup biscuit!

- Gnaw me another key!
- [munching]

- [shouting, grunting]
- [Shover shouting]

[whimpers]

- [lock clicks]
- Sorry, Stace.

[Staci panting, huffs]

Have a healthy Halloween.

[door closes]

I heard about the popcorn ba*ls
from, um... Danny Petrosky,

who heard it from a squirrel?

Tim... are you lying to me?

[crying]

I'll check the babies!

What do I say?

Tell your Paraguayan paramour the truth.

- It will set you free.
- Are you crazy?

My brother will fail his mission,
Marisol will hate me forever,

and Mom and Dad will never trust me again!

Not that truth; the one right here.

Squish-squish, squish-squish.

- Is everything all right?
- [gasps]

[deep breath]

You're the coolest girl ever,
and I lied about this house

because I wanted to spend
more time with you. [groans]

I'm dressed as a character I made up
called "Wigula, the monster with a wig,"

but it's just whatever was in the box
because I didn't have any ideas,

and it's stupid.

[rustles]

[Marisol laughs] Nah, it's cool.

Oh... Rainbow Rope Sucker!

Happy Halloween, Tim.

Ah...

Finder's fee.

[whistling tune]

- [clanging]
- [whistling stops]

[Happy] Aah!

[Happy grunts]

Who's watching?

- Who's there?
- [globe screeches]

Whoa!

Gee whiz and wallabies!

I'm being haunted by apparitions!

Hello, Happy.

Right now, your mind is splitting in two.

- [chair squeaks]
- [gasps]

Synapses firing on all cylinders...
pow, zap, boom.

- Don't fight it.
- [whimpers]

[Boss] Even if your hair feels as though
it's separating from its follicles,

let it resonate.

- [drawers creak]
- Aah!

And as your brain explodes,
then fuses back together

to absorb this radical new reality,
know this:

you brought this on yourself.

Talking baby!

Whatcha!

Ahhh!

Baby talking to you!

So that's how you jiggered me
at that Babblist contest.

Of course you can talk.
It all makes sense now.

Sure.

That's right!

And if you don't shut Bubbeezee down...

Your grave timbre is gonna make
my molecules go all googly-woogly?

[laughs]

Babies talk, babies don't talk.

Whatevers, as long as I can make
my money-muns.

And this company, plus sucker parents,
equals a ton of it!

So, nah, I'm not gonna be shutting down.

Oh, you really thought you had me there.

You're a baby, bruv.

You think parents are easy to manipulate?

You teeny twits are like puppets to me!

You're playing patty-cake
while I'm playing five-dimensional chess...

length, width, depth, time, length...

- [both] You already said length!
- [gasps]

Puppets, you see?

By the end of this conversation,
you'll be waking up ten hours later

back in your bed,
with no idea how you got there.

Oh, yeah?

Well, by the end
of this conversation, you're...

- [fingers snap]
- [gasps]

[screams]

[penguin chirping]

Fart poop doody.

♪ Boss Baby ♪