03x11 - Who's a Good Baby?

[bunniefuu]

- [boy grunts]
- [phone dings]

Hold all my calls.

- [giggling]
- [lullaby plays]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss
Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son
Where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify
You just got to pay me ♪

- ♪ Who's in charge? ♪
- ♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

♪ Work, for the night is coming ♪

♪ Work through the morning hours ♪

♪ Work while the dew is sparkling ♪

♪ Work 'mid springing flowers ♪

♪ Work when the day grows brighter ♪

♪ Work in the glowing sun ♪

♪ Work, for the night is coming ♪

♪ When man's work is done ♪

The business? Booming!

But at Bubbeezee,
we don't care about making dollars,

we care about making sense.

And what makes sense to us

- is creating secure, well-behaved...
- [penguins chirping]

...set-up-for-success babies.

As a mother and Bubbeezee sales rep,
my only comment is, "Thanks!"

But as an award-winning journalist
who helped bust you

for pretending to talk to babies,
I have to ask, "What the heck, man?"

And I also have a follow-up: How dare you?

Was I an impish rascal? [laughs]

Yes, guilty as Hector's dolphin!

But I knew in my heart
that Bubbeezee products

would help mums and dads everywhere.

And if the best way to market
those products

was to send out free samples as an apology
for endorsing a phony Babblist,

who also happened to be me,
honestly, who can judge?

Not this reporter!

And I'm sure every other parent
would agree!

Is everything still okay out there?

Yes, ma'am.

Thanks, Bubbeezee!

So... [chuckles]

anybody have a funny story
about something their baby did recently?

Wanna get out of here?

I can tell Mom
I'm taking you home for a nap,

but, really, we'll go do something cool
or dangerous for baby love or whatever.

No, thank you. I'm good.

- Really?
- Let's be the best baby a baby can be!

Amen, Wagby. High-five.

- That's not even a high-five!
- It's the baby-safe version.

Seriously, you're freaking me out.

Hello, Boss Baby, my good boy baby friend!

Would you like for me to come over later
and we can play Wagby's Hooray?

That sounds real good.

Whee!

Babies change, man-baby.

I used to be a saucy naughty boy myself,
but check me out now.

When we play by the rules, everyone wins!

Good reminder, Wagby. High-five!

- Stop making high-fives weird!
- Look at him.

You know he's been seeking his purpose
ever since Baby Corp fired him,

and he's finally found it:

being a no-fuss, no-sass,
professional good baby!

His journey is complete.

Thanks, Bubbeezee!

Thanks, nothing!

All Bubbeezee did was turn all of you
into human oatmeal.

Who thinks this is what babies want?

Ohhhh!

We just hit another baby love record high!

- [party horns squawk]
- [babies cheering]

Gotta give a big thank-you to Bubbeezee,
the company that's made our job so easy,

we could have
a jar of creamed ham as our CEO.

[goofy laugh]

But we don't.

It's another big win
for the best boss ever,

Jimbo CEO Baby!

Great job, team!

- Who likes partying and being excited?
- [dance music plays]

- [party horns squawk]
- [babies cheering]

- [both laugh]
- Looking good, Chip.

Frankie, loved that Q3 statistical report!

So many colors!

- Oh, this guy!
- [both laughing]

- [keyboard clicking]
- We hit a new baby love high, again!

[laughs] It's like we're on a trampoline
that only bounces up!

Oh, hey, yeah, totally ready to party.

I just wanna run these numbers
a few more times.

That okay with you, boss?

[giggles] Boss... me!

[laughing]

[music continues]

Staci, I think you need to see this.

I've seen the Triplets
type with their butts before.

- What?
- [giggling]

Aw, come on, man!

Whoa, you sure about these numbers?

Bad news, right?

- Worse than you think.
- What's worse than that?

Dealing with the world's biggest
"I told you so" from my old boss.

The longer you're quiet,
the happier you make Mommy and Daddy.

Let's color a picture inside the lines.

Who's a good baby? You are!

[sniffs]

[Wagby] Good babies never eat floor food.

- [laughing]
- Good babies never, never, ever...

[Staci] Good.

You're back.

We got business.

Help me hide this busted piece of junk.

We need to keep things quiet
until we know who we can trust.

Aah!

Oh, no-h*-h*!

[thuds]

Buckle up.

I was not given the option
of not buckling up.

Okay, so baby love's breaking
one record after another, right?

All the mommies and daddies seem happy.

"Oh, thanks, Bubbeezee!
You made babies so easy."

But check this out.

I ran simulations
to predict future baby love,

and every single time...
[imitates crash, expl*si*n]

- [alarm blares]
- ...it comes crashing down... hard.

[all gasp]

- What makes it happen?
- [vocalizes "I don't know"]

But I know this much...
Bubbeezee is bad for babies.

I told you so!

Is that really the best use
of our time right now?

Yes, but we also need
to stop Bubbeezee... I told you so...

while we can still save baby love.

Flip it back on the rewind. What?

Your plan is to save baby love by stopping
the thing that's boosting baby love?

- [alarm blares]
- Whoa!

Imagine that's Marsha Krinkle's love
for you.

I would prefer not to, thank you.

We don't stop Bubbeezee,
that crash is coming.

The only question that matters is,

don't you believe she'll still love you
without Bubbeezee?

Hmm, uh... probably?

Cool. So, we know
where Happy Sedengry's office is,

and I know the seven weakest spots
on the human body.

[wicked chuckle]

How many are on the butt?

- [yelps]
- Uh, tempting, but, no.

The last time I confronted Happy directly,

I woke up back in my crib ten hours later
with no memory of how I got there.

I don't know how that happened,
and what I don't know scares me.

We need a different approach.

As long as this approach
does not involve Wagby slaughter,

which your smile already tells me it does.

Happy's only in this for the money,

so we hit him where it really hurts:
right in the balance sheet.

We're gonna bust up some Bubbeezee toys.

Won't the moms and dads
just get replacements?

I'm counting on it.

Here's the play: since these products
are all brand-new and under warranty,

they'll get replaced...

and it'll cost Bubbeezee
every single time.

[cash register dinging]

And if, say, the sabotage spread
to wrecking Bubbeezee products

- in other houses...
- [people shouting]

...before long, we'd run Happy
completely out of business.

And as a win-win bonus,

we'll be liberating other babies
from Bubbeezee's grip,

building an underground revolution
one baby at a time.

- Hey!
- No Brayden.

But he's our shover!

You don't jump into a revolution
without a shover.

Me and him got too much daycare history,
which I do not want to talk about.

What about Jimbo?

He could shove whatever needs shoving,

and you said he runs
the whole company now.

I wouldn't count on Baby Corp
being much help.

They're not great
at facing reality these days.

- [dance music plays]
- Everything's gonna be great forever!

- [babies cheering]
- And I love everybody!

He says exactly what I wanna hear.

That's leadership!

I'm gonna send him a thank-you memo.

We're already understaffed, Stace.

Baby Corp's out,
Templeton's got school for half the day.

We're gonna need all the help we can get.

[scoffs] Oh, you can have Brayden...

or you can have me.

Not both!

[growls] All right, we'll make it work
with what we have.

[penguins chirping]

[shouting]

[shouting]

Yes! Buskie's back, baby.

[beeping]

[rings]

Hello? Aah!

Whoo!

[Taffeta grunts]

[scissors snip]

[babies squealing]

- [phones ringing]
- Hello? Hello?

[Doug] I hope these ones last longer.

This is the third time
I've needed replacements this week,

and it's a dangerous world out there.

I get so stressed Taffy's gonna be injured
or fall behind socially while I'm waiting.

Me, too. Where's the reliability?

Honestly, Janice and I are thinking
of getting out

of the Bubbeezee product system
altogether.

I am loving this new team, BB.

You babies are my kind of psychopaths.

[babies cooing]

Hello! I'm on television.

- Happy Sedengry, Bubbeezee Corporation.
- [snoring]

Pleasure.

You've heard a fair bit about us recently,
and not all good...

which is why I've paid a pretty penny
for TV airtime to tell you this:

we at Bubbeezee
are aware of the problem

and exactly what's causing it.

So, rest easy knowing I've already handled
everything through exciting upgrades

to our Bubbeezee products!

Upgrades? [gasps]

[footsteps approach]

[chirps]

[beeping]

[chirping loudly]

[Boss] Penguin of vengeance!

Aah! Yah!

- [shrieks]
- [gasps, whimpers]

- [grunts]
- [shrieking]

[whimpers, shouts]

[whimpers]

- [shrieking]
- What?

- [Staci screams]
- Huh?

[babies screaming]

[Boss grunts]

[penguin shrieking]

[pounding]

[gasping] What the hoo-hah was that?

And why wouldn't it go after me?

We've all been busting up Bubbeezee stuff.

- [babbling]
- Joy's right!

Happy knows we're wrecking his products,

but the only part of our crew
he's actually seen

are the ones who infiltrated
his office on Halloween.

No Hendershot, no Mega Fat or Staci...

but, yes, Shover!

We have to rescue him.

[groaning]

Fine!

[crying softly]

[Staci] Hunh-yah!

Just because you're alive
does not mean we're friends again.

You wanna tell me what that's all about?

[whimpers]

[babbling]

[babbling]

Nah, dude.

[rattling]

Ugh, anybody got a pencil to shove
through that thing's mechanical heart?

- Always!
- [Happy] Aw, gruesome!

- I just wanted to have a chin-wag.
- Happy...

You're Clangclang
the Rhythm Bear-or-Monkey?

[Happy] What? No. It's a speaker.

Are you just regular dumb babies
who stumbled upon the power of speech?

- Because I was under the impression...
- We're chin-wagging, so wag it.

Ooh, straight to business.

Yeah, just wanted to play
a little message for you.

[Boss] Right now your mind
is splitting in two,

synapses firing on all cylinders.

Pow, zap, boom. Don't fight it.

[gasps] Halloween night.

- He must've recorded...
- [Happy] Full security video, actually.

Got an extra copy if you'd like me
to share with anyone.

Say, your mum and dad?

- [gasps]
- Ooh, wait a minute.

Didn't you say seeing a talking baby
would snap a grown-up's brain?

Probably worse if it's your own kid, eh?

All right, Happy,
you've made your threat, now...

No, I'm making you an offer.

I'll leave your family
and your wee playmates alone forever.

All you have to do is muscle up
and meet me face-to-face.

[all gasp]

I don't have to say out loud
that's a terrible idea, right?

I assumed that's what
we were all thinking,

but then nobody said anything
and it got weird.

Offer accepted.

Get comfy.

I want to know everything.

[Boss] Uh, well, not forever forever.

We only stay like this as long as we drink
Baby Corp's special formula.

Whoa, hang about.

A few minutes ago,
you said you got fired from Baby Corp.

How are you still a talking smart baby
without the formula?

They give us a six-month supply
in the severance package.

We call it a "creamy parachute."

Ah, good as gold.

So I'll have
a bit shy of six months, yeah?

- For what?
- Well, take a ganza for yourself.

Future home of Bubbeezee Worldwide.

Is that supposed to be me?

Imagine the sales after six months
with my new corporate mascot.

He responds to verbal commands.

He solves complex math problems.

And doesn't he look spiffy
in that business suit?

Too flash!

And the sweetest part is how easy it is
bending simple babies like you to my will.

Like to know how I do it?

Nah, I'm good.

You mind if I color?

Look, I-I've prepared
a very dramatic presentation here,

and, frankly, it's quite rude
you keep interrupting...

Here's the thing, chief.

I don't need to know the trick
because I know what's behind it:

nothing but plain, ordinary fear.

No, it isn't.

It's your whole business model.

You make parents afraid
their babies will get hurt,

or they won't grow up smart enough,
or a million other fears.

You claim your products will fix it all,
but you can't, really,

because babies aren't easy.

They're unpredictable.

Life is unpredictable.

And the only thing any of us can do
is square up,

look our fears in the eyes
and tell them...

you don't get to run my life.

Aah! Outside the lines!

I don't care what your trick was.

- We're not afraid of you anymore.
- [thudding]

- Or your driver, for that matter.
- [muffled groaning]

Now, pack up your phony business
and get out of my...

- Oh!
- [crashes]

[steam hissing]

Who taught you babies how to drive?

Where's Happy?

Ooh, bad luck on your crash site, eh?

Offer's still on the table, Boss Baby.

You can come work for Bubbeezee,
or Bubbeezee can come for you.

- Bloop.
- [gears whirring]

- [beeps]
- [gears whirring]

New toys.

Let's play.

- Hyah!
- [babies shouting]

[squealing]

[grunts, giggling]

Scramble! Keep him confused!

G'ah!

- [Hendershot] I'm a distraction!
- [Dakota shouts]

[grunting] Hyah!

[Staci continues grunting]

Hyaw! [shouting]

[Staci] Yah!

Brayden!

Come on, man!

Stay with me, Brayden!

You have to wake up.

There's... there's something
I gotta tell you.

You deserve that.

[growls]

- How we doing, Boss?
- Not great.

- [loud humming]
- Our babies are overmatched.

We need reinforcements.

- [Tim shouting]
- [bike bell rings]

[Boss and Staci] Yah!

[powers down]

- [laughter]
- [overlapping voices] Yeah!

I saw the big cyclops dinosaur thing
from school

and figured you could use some help,
probably lots,

so I've also been sending live video.

Triplets, you're in charge while I'm gone.

- Temporary promotion?
- [Triplets] Yay!

My best friends are in trouble,
and I miss them!

So let's do something nuts!

[babies shouting]

[thuds]

[toys power down]

Hello! Yes, I know I haven't talked
in a bit, but, uh, whoo-hoo, still here.

Honorable move, Happy.

I respect a man who knows when he's beat.

This? Yeah, nah, hardly a surrender, mate.

I've just been stalling
till the real threat gets here.

- [parents shouting]
- Where are you guys? Where are they?

[Doug] The call said they'd been spotted
in that construction site.

[Boss] Right now,
your mind is splitting in two.

- Synapses firing...
- [Happy] You all work for Bubbeezee now.

Or I show this talking baby video,

and your mummies' and daddies' brains
go skip-skapety-scoopety...

[blows raspberry]

[Tim] Go! We gotta hide!

Well, you know where to find me
if you want to stop the madness.

[Marsha] Happy?

Uh, have you seen our babies?

Oh, nothing more important
than our loved ones, eh?

Oh, hello. Maybe there's a clue
on this tape I discovered.

Hmm...

[babbling]

We can't just surrender!

If we give in to Happy's blackmail,
he'll use us to take Bubbeezee global.

We'd be hurting babies everywhere.

[babbling]

My parents are out there, too!

- I'm trying to think of...
- [Mega Fat giggling]

[giggling continues]

Sorry, but I figured it out.

They're just scared.

I told you that's Happy's business model.

How is that helpful right now?

It's what they're scared of.

Here it goes.

Any moment.

[Mega Fat] I always thought
mommies and daddies were worried

about having bad babies.

But what they're really scared of
is that they are bad parents.

- [giggling]
- How is this funny?

Get him a bottle of special formula!

Mega Fat got fired way before I did.

His six-month supply is running out.

- He's turning into a normal baby!
- [Mega Fat] No.

I have an idea, but it means
I have to turn into a normal baby.

- But...
- It's okay.

This was never your journey. It's mine.

And I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm sorry for...

you know, all of it.

My only regret is that
I never got to tell you

how the "Ha-Ha You're Fired" song ended.

Was the last line "you're fired"?

It was.

I know.

So, I'm just pressing play, am I?

No one's, uh, you know...
[clicks tongue] gonna stop me?

Would you just hit the darn button?

Well, suit yourselves.

- [Mega Fat giggling]
- [all gasping]

My baby!

[giggling]

[giggling, grunts]

[all gasp]

[gasps] Oh, I'm so sorry I lost you
and I'm a terrible mother,

and just tell me you're okay! [sobs]

Mwah.

Mama.

[sobbing]

Mommy loves you so much!

I love you more than I love everything
in my whole world.

- [babies babbling]
- [Janice] There they are!

- Oh!
- [parents chattering]

Did, uh... Did we still want
to see the tape, then, or...?

How did you guys even get out here?

Right, free... free products for every...

[police siren wails]

[Doug] And after we drop off
this human garbage in jail, ice cream!

- [Dakota giggles]
- No, I don't think it looks infected.

You did great, Marsha.

[laughing, cooing]

- See you around, kid.
- [Tim] Can you hurry them up?

I really need to sneak back to school.

You're gonna wanna hurry yourself, Boss.

I just got a call.

The board of directors wants to see you.

I think they might have reconsidered
their "don't go after Bubbeezee" policy.

Therefore, with deepest apologies,

we offer you not your old position
as VP of Field Operations,

but the job you have
so righteously deserved for far too long.

Welcome back, our new CEO...

[board] Boss Baby!

When do I start?

- Right now.
- [fire crackling]

Uh, please?

[alarm blaring]

- You were CEOs for half an hour!
- We had a good run.

- Tag, you're in charge!
- Good luck, Boss Baby CEO Baby!

- [alarm blaring, fire crackling]
- [metal creaks, thuds]



♪ Boss Baby ♪