04x06 - OCB

[bunniefuu]

- [boy grunts]
- [phone pings]

Hold all my calls.

- [giggling]
- [lullaby plays]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss
Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son
Where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify
You just got to pay me ♪

- ♪ Who's in charge? ♪
- ♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

[Worker Baby Chip]
Boss Baby Crazy Late-Night Phone Call...

Re-Re-Remix!

[Boss Baby] Hoot! Hoot!
The Laundry Monster!

Hoot! Hoot!

P-P-P-Pants, take a memo.

Hoot! Hoot!
Stuff the eggs in the pancake-pancake.

Hoot! Hoot!
St-St-Stuff the eggs in the pancake

And you eat it like a taco. [trills]

- [laughs] I love songs with hooting!
- [Boss Baby] Simmons!

- Agh! What?!
- Yeah, sorry to startle you.

Not sure if you heard about my recent
crazy, over-tired late-night dialing.

Uh... doesn't sound familiar.

- Eh...
- [recording] Hoot! Hoot!

- What was that?
- Owl Channel.

- It got canceled!
- [buzzing]

- [bangs]
- What do you need? [chuckles nervously]

Something to impress
the Board of Directors.

What kind of something?

Something that screams,
"Massive Yellow 100 win for Baby Love!"

Then gently whispers,

"Let's forget Boss Baby's
sleep-deprived incident."

I'm thinking... invention something?

Ah, I got just the thing.

It's still a work in progress, but... yeh!

A diaper?

A 24-hour diaper.

Twenty-four hours? Fronts and butts?

Fronts and butts.

Twenty-four-hour diaper!

Can you imagine what this could do
for Baby Love?!

Yes. I can.

- Kinda why I invented it...
- Just imagine!

- [scanner beeps]
- [Boss Baby] No more empty wallets!

- No more sleepless nights!
- [bangs]

- No more nasty public bathrooms!
- [toilet flushes]

The 24-hour diaper.

It isn't just a game changer...

- it's a life changer!
- [Simmons] Yes.

I-I told you it's a work in progress!

We need to run field tests!

And we will. But for now,

put on your Board-wowing face
and let's show 'em what you got.

- Board babies! How are we do...
- [laughter, applauding]

[speaker] k*ller plan...

Upgrade to this year's suspension chairs.

Arch support? "Next-lev comf."

When you're chillin' in it,
you are killin' in it.

I got Baby Vanderbilt one,
and he won't stop thanking me.

- [Board Baby] Wonderful anecdote!
- [Board Baby 2] Nice!

Boss Baby! Excellent!

We were hoping to introduce you to OCB.

"Plemu."
Short for "pleased to meet you."

Full sentences... waste of time.

Time needed to help this company.

Pleasure. Incredible dimples.

Uh-huh, they are.

Now, when you say,
"help this company," what exactly...

[gasps] Bad ideas...

brief, jargon-filled sentences...

dazzling smile that blinds others
to a complete lack of substance...

Ugh! You're a consultant!

Our new Outside Consultant Baby!

Uh, Plemu! [chuckles] I'm Simmons.

And this is... ulp!

"Take Your R&D Baby To Work Day"!

[spits, gasps]

I thought I was here to present my... ulp!

[forced laughter]

[whispers] Say nothing
in front of the consultant. Trust me.

Your Boardly Eminences!

Do we really need an outside consultant?

Yes. That advice? Free.

Rest is gonna cost you. I'm worth it!
[laughs]

I am fully on top of things...

Eggs in the pancake.
And you eat it like a taco. Hoot! Hoot!

Sorry! I was watching that earlier.
It makes me feel better about my life.

OCB is our gift to you, Boss Baby.

Would you reject a generous offer of help?

No, I... [chuckles]

Of course, I love help. But a consultant?

They're classic "seagull managers."

Swoop into the office,
making a bunch of noise

about everything we're doing wrong.

"Squawk! That's a problem!
Squawk! That's a problem!"

Then they poop out
a bunch of ridiculous new ideas

and fly off, leaving everyone else
to clean up their mess.

So, you don't like new ideas?

[stammers]
N-No, th-that's not what I'm saying!

Idea... cupcake party for morale.

Ooh! I love that!

I've done that! This is nonsense!

You know what else
they called "nonsense"?

The wheel. Boats. Tennis.
Lunch meat. Horses.

Nonsense is the garden.
Gardens grow ideas.

Watch... slash... learn.

[babbling]

Stay-cation days! Pow!
Nonsense? Ideas.

Watch me do it again. [babbling]

Engraved crayons!
Crayon mix-ups? No more.

[babbling] A new suit!

[babbling] Uh, more stock options!

Gobbledy-goo. I, too, have an idea.

Boss Baby, why don't you take OCB
on a company tour?

Let him see everything
he can help us with.

Of course.

Just give me a few
to get everything ready.

[clicking]

[Staci groans]
Consulting babies are the worst!

Ugh! I couldn't even make my big play!

If that triple-dimpled showboat
got even a hint

of Simmons' 24-hour diaper,

he'd ruin it with his own dumb ideas!

Or worse!

He'd drop us in the middle of the woods
and take us down one by one.

What is it you think
a consultant baby does?

Hunts other babies for sport?

Hmm. That's actually not far off.

And that's why you're taking Simmons
and these diapers off the grid.

Oh! Sorry. You can take that out now.

[coughs]

Huh. I've been drooling on this
for a half hour.

- Feel it. Come on, feel it!
- [muffled grunt]

Whoa. Dry as a bone!
This thing's gonna k*ll.

Simmons says it needs field testing,
so help her test it.

Me?

Get it ready to hit the market.

OCB can't ruin our 24-hour diaper

if it's already sitting on shelves.

Don't you think my skills
are better suited to,

you know, consult the consultant?

Drop him in the woods and hunt him.

I'll handle OCB.

You find a black-ops site
where you can work in secret.

Twenty-four-hour diaper!
Bring it home, compadres!

- [door closes]
- "Bring it home"...?

[gasps] Simmons,
I just got our black-ops site.

- The Templeton basement!
- Uh, I don't see it.

- [monitor beeps]
- Triplets! On me!

[clatters]

[whirring]

[Staci] Not a bad place
to test an invention, huh?

- Someone say "invention"?
- [babies gasp]

How'd you bypass security?

I've been here the whole time.
It's my house.

Now, what's the invention?

Cold fire? Hot ice? Meat gum?

Uh, we're making 24-hour diapers!

Cool!

Time to get these butt-snuggers
ready for market.

Simmons, you're on testing...
Volume, durability.

Triplets.

We need a better name
than "24-Hour Diapers."

Get on it!

And Tim, wrangle some babies.

So, "wrangle."

You know how you can hear a word
all your life

but not know what it actually means?

Just bring me some stinkin' babies!

We're all systems go, BB.
You TCOB with OCB yet?

ASAP. Right after I give him the tour.

- You're actually doing that?
- Of course!

That's how I get rid of him.

Consultants can't consult
if there's nothing to fix.

So, I just show OCB a company
that has no problems.

Also, I brought in Jimbo
to intimidate him.

- Can I give you some advice?
- [snaps] No!

Yeah, cool, you got your thing.

Tour time!

With increased employment,
we've had to up our formula production.

Oof! Sky-high bottle costs.

Not if you come up with a recycling system
to cut those very costs.

[slurps]

Which I did.

This pudding? k*ller. But every baby knows

- that the best pudding comes from...
- Baby Corp Stockholm?

Yeah. That's why I have
a shipment flown in every week

for my employees' enjoyment.

- Eh. Yikes on that snacktime budge!
- [pen clicks]

Which is why I pay for it myself.

[clicks]

I respect the hustle, kid,

but as you've probably deduced,
there's nothing here to consult.

Never the case. Cubicle square footage?

Thirty-six. Double the national average.

- Executive parking spaces?
- Zero. No one drives.

Boss-employee relationship?

Chip? How's that twisted ankle?

[Chip] Much better! Thanks for the splint!

No problem, Chip, my boy.

No problem at all.

[clatters]

Major props, BB. You run a tight ship.

Sorry. [chuckles] I missed that.

Would you mind repeating yourself
in a few minutes and in a different room?

Boss Baby runs a tight ship.

Every statistic... nails it.

Every department... overseen to a T.

Simply put, Boss Baby?
Company's greatest asset.

Caveat... also, the most dangerous.

[gasps] Misleading nod!

Assessment time.

Boss Baby... micro-manager.
Stifling employees.

I don't stifle employees.
They love me!

But are they growing?
[mimics buzzer] Enh!

- And when babies don't grow...
- [vase clatters]

company don't show... results.

Whuh-oh!

Baby Corp... poof!

Bottom line, bank it.

- [all gasp]
- Oh, no! We cannot have that.

He's blinding you
with his efficiency-speak

and stunning baby good looks!

OCB, what would you consult us to do?

[babbling]

Idea!

Make this guy stay in his office all day.

What?

Does Baby Corp thrive without Boss Baby?

I think it will, but let's find out.

Unh! That is consulting!

I am handsome and starving!

You babies got an executive dining room?

Excellent idea!

- [Board Baby] Great work!
- [Board Baby 2] Yes! Yes!

Test site prepped. Send me... Brayden.

Look at that Templeton boy
taking his afternoon

to play hide-and-seek with the babies.

So sweet.

- [whines]
- [pops]

Thanks for being a part of this study
that never happened.

[cooing]

Exactly Brayden. "What study?"

Twenty-four-hour diaper.

- Test one. Load.
- [Brayden coos]

[slurping]

[giggles]

[spurts]

It's holding.

[taps]

- [drumming]
- Test two. Durability.

[thumps]

It's holding!

[Simmons] Test five. Heavy load.

[giggles]

[slurps]

- [spurts]
- [sniffs]

It's holding!

[Simmons grunts] Test nine. Elasticity.

- [reel whirring]
- [Staci] It's holding!

- [Simmons] Test eleven. Extreme load.
- [Brayden spurts, coos]

Still holding!

[Simmons] Test 31...

Test 52...

Test 74!

[snaps]

[slurping]

[flatulence spurts]

World-record load! Check.

[chuckles] Oh, boy!

- All tests complete!
- Nice.

Now, let's get that off him before it...
[gasps]

- [popping]
- Gah! Gah! Gah!

[gasping]

- Jimbo, more balloons.
- [whimpers]

[pufffing]

- [popping]
- Stupid! Handsome! Consultant!

- [Jimbo whimpering]
- [sighs] Thank you.

OCB convinces the Board
to lock me up in my office all day?

I don't like it. What's his angle?

- Jimbo!
- Sorry. I ballooned myself woozy.

You should eat. I'll order you something
from the executive dining room. [gasps]

Executive dining room!

[munching]

Surely, monsieur did not bring me here

simply to watch the big one
enjoy the nummy-nums?

No, I brought you here

because I need information
on OCB's schemes.

And I happen to know he ate
in your dining room today. Ahem.

I am a maître d', which means I value
class and, most of all, discretion.

There's always something to value more.

I need info. Name your price.

Sometimes, a life of service
can be without rewards.

Here comes the airplane.

No, no! With gumption.
And more French!

What does that mea...

[in French] Mon bébé cherie.

- [coos] Ah!
- Regarde a le petit avion

qui amène la purée
dans ton adorable bouche.

- Vive la France!
- [gulps] Delicious.

- [in French] De rien.
- And now, dessert.

Seriously?!
We just fed you like...

Oh-hh, it's a metaphor.
The dessert is information. Proceed.

Please, scoot back.

You are about to be thrust
to the edge of your high chairs.

For you see, OCB has been
slow-roasting his plans...

and at lunch, he served them
piping-hot and steaming.

So, what are we noshing on?

Today, we have the wiggly noodles.

And may I recommend the splash sauce?

Oh, you may indeed.

That Boss Baby, huh?
Can't delegate. Doesn't listen.

And a CEO with a temper like that?
Seriously?

Best CEOs...

Dapper, charming, cool.

Just like you!

All's I'm sayin', I worry for him.
For Baby Corp.

You are a noble businessman.

[babbling] Idea...

Baby Corp gets a new CEO.

It's out there, we all heard it.

Enjoy lunch. Talk later.

[gasps] He's not a seagull manager,
he's a bird of prey!

And he's hunting my job!

Uh-uh! Where are you going?

I need to see the Board.
Why are you outside my office?

OCB sent me.

He said the Board said you're not supposed
to leave your office

so that other employees can grow.

And if you do leave your office,

it just proves you're a terrible CEO
who doesn't want them to.

- What?!
- I am not repeating that!

[groans] Gah-hh!

He's got me boxed in!

We need a trick up our sleeves!

[scoffs] I don't even have sleeves!

[gasps] Diaper!

It's looking real good, Staci!

Triplets. Where are we on a name?

This is more than just a 24-hour diaper.

This is the 24-hour diaper.

And that's why we call it...

"The 24-Hour Diaper."

That's the name we gave you!

See? Very memorable!

- [groans]
- [monitor chimes]

BB! [nervous chuckle]

OCB's not the dumb handsome consultant
we thought he was!

I never said "handsome."

Happily, there's no way
the Board will replace me

once I've delivered
those 24-hour golden poop saddles.

[laughs]
OCB's not gonna know what hit him.

- On my way to you now.
- For what?

To carry this project
over the finish line. Gotta move quick.

I am moving quick.
On the job you assigned me.

I know I did, but...

Now my job's riding on that diaper, Stace.

OCB's up there,
charming the Board against me.

I can't just sit here
doing nothing to stop that!

You did do something. You hired me.

And when that call comes, I will be there.

With a diaper
that'll blow their butts off. All right?

All right.

- I'm gonna check on her real quick...
- Boss, no!

[grunting]

So, now that this diaper invention's
all done,

let's talk about a little idea I call...

"meat gum."

Done? Not yet.

I know we got ourselves
a solid 24-hour diaper.

But let's paint it red! Give it mufflers!

Take it off the diaper track
and take it global!

Because we're not here
to blow away the competition...

we're here to blow away the world.

[all cheering] Yeah!

A 25-hour diaper! [claps]

I'm sure we can think of something
better than that.

Come on! One last push, guys.

I gave a speech! I never give speeches!

- Oh, we tried everything.
- [Tim] Candy!

Candy always gives me ideas.

It also makes me run in circles,
but it mostly gives me ideas.

Here it is... uh, never mind.
Not that either.

- [wrapper crinkling]
- Oh, gross.

Wait! Yes! Here!

What are those?

Pockets?

In a diaper for 24 hours?
Exploring? Finding things?

Worms. Ninja stars.
Got a place to put it all?

Well, now you do.

Pockets! [laughs]

Diapers with tiny pockets?
Adorable!

Uh, like this?

See? Adorable!

Perfect!

[Boss Baby grunting]

Ha! [gasps]

- Where's my transport chupie?
- I have hidden it.

Inside a soufflé.

- What?!
- Delicious twist!

Do you know why le soufflé
is so difficult to master?

Are you sidetracking
to brag about your cooking

or are we doing the metaphor thing again?

The chef must trust le soufflé
to rise without looking.

To be ready without checking.

To be delicious without tasting.

This is le soufflé in which
your chupie hides, Boss Baby.

Do you trust that it is... mwah?

So, bragging, then?

- Metaphor! Let Staci work!
- [monitor chimes]

[Boss Baby] Emiliano!

How are we?

The Board and OCB
would like to see you. Immediately.

I'll be right there.

[cheering]

Simmons, call the factory.

Get them the specs
and get them producing.

Triplets, I need you to nail that name.

Come on! You know we're not going to!

I couldn't even tell you
what that guy's name is.

Derwin Alphonse Castellagrava.
I thought everybody knew that.

Ugh, fine!

Call Marketing
and make them give you a name.

I need this diaper in stores
and homes ASAP!

OCB, we understand you have
one final consultation to make?

- Thank you. I...
- Wanna be CEO?

- What?
- That's what you're gonna say, right?

You wanna be CEO.

You want me fired and you want my job.

Well, yeah,

but, like, post-lavish presentation.

Had all these sports metaphors
in the bullpen. So money.

I'm sure.

Board Babies, I admit,
OCB's a good salesman.

And I'm sure he would make a fine CEO.
But here's the thing.

I'm a better one.

Uh, more like a bench warmer
who made a lucky shot or two.

Sports metaphor.

Well, I hope you like the taste
of my soufflé.

Cooking metaphor. Behold!

Full disclosure... hands-off delegating
makes it really difficult

- to time a dramatic entr...
- [bell pings]

There we go! Behold! A new diaper.

A diaper? That's your Hail Mary?

That lasts 24 hours.

Oh, Mary.

Your Boardly Eminences.

Please enjoy this commercial
that is currently playing

in every major market.

OCB, please don't enjoy.

[announcer] Do you know what happened

after we discovered the 24-hour diaper?

- We threw it out.
- [gasps]

Because we found something even better.

Pockets! Staci, you genius!

How'd you manage all this in one day?

You asked me to deliver. I deliver.

And a full promotional campaign?

Oh, that I didn't have time for.

You can thank Marketing for that one.

Tell me you didn't just say "Marketing."

- [woman in commercial groaning]
- [announcer] The 24-hour diaper.

With baby-sized pockets.

We call it "Small Pocks"!

Get your Small Pocks today.

- They're called Small Pocks!
- [ball horn honks]

Small Pocks!

Oh, no!

How could you agree to that name?

Because... it's short for "small pockets"?

And also happens to be the name
of a blister-raising infectious disease

that ravaged every continent in the world
until a vaccine was developed?

- [buzzing]
- Who produced this buffoonery?

Who permitted this cretinism?

Who messed up real bad?

- It was...
- Me!

It was me. I did it!

Everyone here knows I stink
at delegating! [chuckling]

So, it was definitely me
who came up with "Small Pocks."

[chuckles] So, about that job?

Everyone out.

The Board must deliberate.

Fabricio, you still got
that executive desk,

the Carrara one?
Yeah, it's sold. To me.

I have to tell them it was my fault.

They're gonna fire you!

Eh. Been there. Came back.

Losing you would be far worse.

You saw the mess I made.

I saw a natural leader take charge.

One who's going to be stronger than ever

now that she's learned the first rule
of executive decision-making...

Never trust Marketing!

[door opens]

Start date. For me. Go.

OCB, you have offered zero business ideas

and clearly just want Boss Baby's job.

Your contract is terminated.

Please. [chuckles] If I... if I could have
a moment to defend my actions...

Leave now and you'll still receive
your day rate.

Plus expenses?

I'll bill you. Adios!

I know what you did... for Staci.

Sir, there's an explanation.

Yes. This company has a leader
who knows how to delegate.

And a future that looks very bright.

Couldn't agree more, sir.

Now, our present?

Oof. It is bad.

Someone needs to take the fall for this.

Thinking Chip, maybe? Or, uh...

Thinking you.

One-week suspension.

I look forward to your return.

A full week suspension?

The name makes it sound worse than it is.
Let's call it a... "sabbatical."

Give it that air of contemplation
and self-improvement.

[Staci] Nice. [gasps]

Ooh, or we could call it "spring break"!

- Now it's a party! [laughs]
- [Boss Baby chuckles]

Oh! Or, we could go with...

- [announcer] Small Pocks!
- [Boss Baby] Ugh, Marketing.

[theme music playing]

♪ Boss Baby ♪