04x08 - Baby Boss

[bunniefuu]

[grunts]

Hold all my calls.

[giggling]

♪ Boss Baby ♪

♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss
Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪

♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ Stroller rolling
Up and down the boulevard ♪

♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪

♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪

♪ Change my diaper, son, where's my bib? ♪

♪ Don't pacify, you just got to pay me ♪

♪ Who's in charge? ♪

♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪

[tense music]

[Ted] I think he's been eating okay.

Seems like he always has
a bottle formula in his mouth.

Hang on, let me check.

Does he have a fever?

Ninety-eight point...

seven?
[gasps]

[smooches]
No, point six. We're good.

No fever. Maybe a food allergy?

[Ted] Does he have a rash?
Tummy tenderness?

- Abnormal diaper odor?
- [sniffs]

He's blinking a lot! Is it pink eye?
Red eye? Sockeye?

I'm going to keep shouting ideas
until someone gives me answers!

Is this all really necessary?

Gigi thought he maybe wasn't growing,
but he's fine.

- [giggles]
- Perfectly normal.

Oh, thank you!

Yes, we absolutely will.

Dr. Kevin can squeeze us in
for a pediatric checkup this afternoon.

What? Why are we involving
Dr. Kevin in this?

He wants all the information
we can give him, anything unusual.

Then I guess we are watching you
like mama and papa falcons,

my poor, non-thriving baby bird!

- I'll grab some notebooks!
- I'll get pens!

- "Anything unusual"?
- Everything about you is unusual!

I know! I'm extraordinary.

Not really what I was saying.

I just finished a week's suspension,
and now this?

I have to get to the office.
Baby Corp needs me.

I'll figure something out.
Just give me a...

[gasps]

Daddy and Mommy are observing.

You just act like we're not even here.

Are you sure you don't want me
to take a turn watching him?

What if you stare so long,
your eyeballs dry out,

and shrink into eyeball raisins,
and fall out of your head?

Oh, that's sweet, Tim,
but parenthood means sacrifice

and just...
just constant guilt and terror...

- [phone rings]
- [gasps]

[both gasping]

That was a man-gasp!

Do you think his voice is growing so fast
that the rest of him can't?

No, no, that's ridiculous!

- Tell us what's wrong, baby!
- He's probably just tired.

Like a perfectly normal baby.

And he can't sleep
because his parents keep staring at him

and scribbling notes
about everything he does.

Oh, my gosh.
Of course, the baby senses our anxiety.

I feel so much guilt and terror right now.

You guys take a break.
I'll put him down for a nap.

Okay, but get us
the minute he falls asleep.

And anything unusual, you let us know

so we can write it down
for the pediatrician.

Mom, Dad, he's a baby.

What do you think is gonna happen?

[door closes]

All clear, talk to me.

- You're alive! I was so worried!
- Oh!

Everyone was expecting you at the office,
like, 30 minutes ago!

No time to explain.

But you have time to color?

Shh! Scheming.

- Jimbo, lights.
- Yay, movie time!

Thanks to my grandmother raising
the specter of my failure to thrive,

[Boss Baby] I'm under
increased surveillance by these two.

I can't escape to the office,
can't get any work done here,

can't do anything but act
like a normal, useless, regular baby.

Ba-ba-goo-goo.

But one man holds the key to my escape...

Dr. Kevin, annoyingly.

[imitates Dr. Kevin's voice]
I tell jokes!

If he gives me
the "healthy baby all clear,"

the specter of irregularity
will dissipate,

and Mom and Dad will feel comfortable

returning to their typical
laissez-faire parenting.

And I go back to doing my thang.

[Tim] And I go back to my thing,
professional dinosaur riding!

Yee-haw!

So, I just have to get through
this afternoon's checkup,

and crisis averted!

Tell the office I'll be in
by mid-afternoon.

- This plan isn't gonna work.
- [chuckles]

I think I can play normal baby
for half a day.

You made a man-gasp after they were
watching you for half an hour.

Well, they're shaking my foundations, man!

Lording over me, bug-eyed,
scribble, scribble, scribble.

Scribble, scribble, scribble.

- But I can handle it.
- You're a second child.

You're not used to this attention.

How hard could it be
to spend six hours going...

[giggling]

Hey, Jimbo, Gigi gave me 100 dollars
for my college fund.

Where should I invest it
for maximum return?

- Cookies!
- [yells]

That's a zero-yield asset
with near instant depreciation!

Fine, I need help. Who's got ideas?

[Simmons] I call it... Instafant!

It cancels out the effects
of Baby Corp's special formula,

turning you into an "instant infant."

But I mushed them together
to make one word.

- [chuckles]
- We married to that name?

No! It's not like
we're gonna be selling this to the public!

Give me my moment in the sun. Geez!

And it'll last long enough
to keep his parents non-suspicious

until Dr. Kevin can give
the normal baby all clear?

Oh, it'll last forever!

[all] What?

Until big brother Tim feeds him
a bottle of this!

Unstafant!

Unstafant? Simmons.

I made it, I name it.
Take this after your checkup.

Whammo, you're back to your brilliant,

if "overly critical
of internal product names" self.

[groans]
Jimbo, Simmons, you're witnesses.

I'm deputizing Staci to act on my behalf
until Templeton brings me back.

Wait. I'm, like, the temporary you?

What's the problem? Everything went great
when I was in Chicago.

Yeah, but you were always
a monitor call away

if there was a problem.

You'll be fine. Here, I'll loan you
the instruction manual.

You know my vision for baby love.
Just stay the course.

Yellow 100.

[sighs sharply]
Yellow 100.

Come on, Templeton, let's go do this.

- You're not gonna take it here?
- No!

I'm not turning into a drooling twit
in front of people I need to respect me!

Tell me if it transforms him
into a pet lizard

because I have
some amazing names picked out.

[both] What?

[chuckles]
I'm kidding.

Except about having awesome lizard names.

Infinitail! Dr. Legsnake!

We're leaving.

Uh, Camille?

The femme fatale who does what's necessary
to survive the cruel desert?

Lizard Minnelli?

If I do anything humiliating
while I'm under,

promise me you won't tell the team?

I get that, but what if it's really funny?

Okay, I promise.

- Heart crossies!
- Fine.

[stomach grumbles]

[burps]
Ooh!

I don't feel any...
[gasping]

[coos]

[stomach grumbles]

Uh...

Hmm.
[retches]

[squeals]

[in normal baby voice]
Wow.

[laughing]

[grunts]

Why did I heart crossy promise
not to tell anybody about that?

[giggling]

[barking]

Baby love is holding steady.

All right, Yellow 100, I got you.

[puppies barking]

[gasps]

- [Jimbo] No!
- No!

Hey! My cubicle!

Bad dogs! Git!
This is Baby Corp territory!

- [gasps]
- [barking]

- What did he say?
- Heck if I know.

Yo! Who speaks dog?

Whatever, I took a semester
in baby college.

And say it again.

[whines, barks]

Now it's PuppyCo's time to strike!
Boss Baby is out of commission.

Baby Corp is weak and helpless,
with no real leadership!

Ha-ha!

His barks, not mine.

[grumbles, sighs]

All right, then.

[babies clamoring]

Hey, butt sniffers! Go fetch!

[barking]

[Jimbo] Doggy want another fetch-fetch?

- [whimpers]
- [Jimbo giggles]

Just like the boss was here himself.

[cooing]

[both giggle]

- Aw, you wanna hug?
- Yeah.

It's kinda cute having
an actual "baby" brother.

Ow! Why would you do that?

[cries]

Tim, what did you do?

What? He's the one who squeezed
my nose really hard!

He never squeezes noses.
I'm writing it down.

Oh, you're okay, little fella.

Did your big brother scare you?

Faster, Jimbo! As fast as I whipped
Bug the Pug's stupid puppy tail!

- You got it, Temporary Boss!
- Yellow 100!

Pyg and Tam love babies

[groans]

Now you guys?

Jimbo, call maintenance to fix the door

and custodial to haul away
the garbage I'm about to throw out.

[hums, groans]

[in British accent]
Bangin' office, luv. Proper cozy, innit?

What you fink, Pyg?

[in high-pitched voice]
Chuffed! Chuffed!

[in normal voice]
Mr. Pyg and Mr. Tam

recently made an exchange...

Wait a minute, hold up.

Are we really just not gonna talk
about the accents?

[in British accent]
What? It's rebellious, innit?

[in normal accent]
We felt that tough-as-nails EastEnders

was a better fit for Pyg and Tam's
new "bad boy" television presence.

Yeah, okay, but you can't just,
like, suddenly be from London!

You're turning TV into a lie!

We're off topic. Mr. Pyg and Mr. Tam

recently made an exchange
with Mr. Bug the Pug,

who suggested today would be
the perfect time

to acquire Baby Corp's office building.

[in British accent]
On accounts of you got no real leadership.

[in normal accent]
The building isn't for sale.

And I got the leadership thing covered.

[laughs]

[in British accent]
You ain't no boss.

As soon as Bug's puppies
done wrecking the place,

you'll be begging us to buy it
for pence on the pound.

[in normal accent]
The only pound happening today

is the one I'm gonna give you
if you don't skedaddle!

[mutters]

Oh, also, the pound
I'm sending the puppies to.

Man, "pound" has a ton
of totally different meanings.

Anyway, point is your big, stupid plan's
over before it starts!

[in British accent]
Fing is, likes we said,

- Bug and us, we made a deal.
- [phone beeping]

[in normal accent]
You gotta get down here!

Somebody jailbroke the puppies!

- [grunts]
- [puppy barks]

[in British accent]
And that, luv, was our end of the deal.

[clamoring]

[Staci groans]

A double arch-nemesis day?

And you guys...
we gonna have a problem?

Circle back on that one.

Business!

- [glass shatters]
- Okay, preeks are neutral in this fight.

We just need to calm
all our babies down and...

[OCB] You're panicked,
I get it. But fear is a choice, my babies.

You are kidding me.

Know what else has choices?

Vending machines, pop quizzes, elections.

New leader? Me?

[chuckles]
Who's to say? You are!

Pow! Now you're fearless!

Excellent points! He says
what the politicians are afraid to.

- Here, have some literature.
- Multi-Multi-Task Former CEO Baby?

You work for the consulting baby now?

- How could you?
- I need constant excitement!

Thumb wrestle me!

Hey! Don't listen
to this three-dimpled catalog cover.

OCB is just gunning for Boss Baby's job!

Boss Baby?

Mr. Abandon-his-workers?
Chief exiting officer?

He left instructions!

- How are you even here?
- Got a call from that guy.

I thought we needed the help!

You know, because of our lack
of real leadership.

[groans]

Hot temper.
This company needs something cooler.

[upbeat music]

Ha!

Yeah! Who else is feeling this?

- [babies cheering]
- Leadership dance-off!

That is not how leadership works!

Look! It's the guy on the flyer!

- Yay! I'll cheer for whatever!
- [cheering]

[baby 1] Not the puppies! Oh!

- [puppies barking]
- [indistinct chatter]

[panting, grunting]

- Everybody, follow...
- Follow me!

Okay, but only because you said it louder!

- [baby 2] Help!
- [groans]

Triple arch-nemesis day!

How is this fair?
[gasps]

[growling]

Vive la résistance!

[grunts]

I saved as many as I could,
but it is dangerous out there.

What do we do,
temporary acting fill-in boss?

[somber music]

[groans]
We bring back Boss Baby. s

Whoa, there. Isn't it way early
for him to take the Unstafant formula?

He'll fail his doctor test!

And Baby Corp's gonna fail
if he doesn't come back now.

Yo, Tim, change of plans!

Tim?

Go!

- Jimbo!
- I don't like people feeling left out.

- Come on!
- Where are we going?

Boss is gonna come back with a plan.

And whatever it is,
he's gonna need an army.

[laughs]

We've done this a thousand times.

Did we miss any warning signs?

Oh, we should never
have taken him to France!

- What does that have to do with...
- I don't know, I'm just scared!

Hi, Baby Boss!

Staci needs you back to big Boss
or Baby Corp's gonna go bye-bye.

- [muffled squealing]
- Shh!

- He's so cute!
- Sure.

Why are we messing with the plan?
We're just leaving for Dr. Kevin's.

I have to get him through his checkup,
then I have to give him the...

Where's the Unstafant formula?

I found it! And your missing monitor, too!

Who is that? And why
is she kicking a badminton birdie?

I'll get the stuff back
and meet you at the doctor's office.

Just get Boss through that checkup
as fast as you can!

[laughs]

[grunts]

Yes! Increase that degree of difficulty!

Make me feel alive... Oh!

[chitters]

- [panting]
- [puppy barking]

[grunting]

[barks]

Hey!

I misspelled our last name again!
I'm just so nervous!

Can we be the Templetans for today?

No.

Here, I'll do it.
Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, done!

- Still eight babies ahead of us?
- Cold season.

- [sneezes]
- [coughing]

Who loves playing Get That Baby?

One...

two...

three...

Freeman?

Uh, Joy?

Winston?

[groans]

Anyone who's ready?

Ready! Go! Templeton! Whoo!

Templetons! Long time, no see-PR!
[laughs]

What's that, Ossie?
You wanna do a little tango, but you...

You've got no "body" to dance with!
[laughs]

Good one, Dr. Kevin!

Fast checkup! Oh, yeah!

[suspenseful music]

[barking]

[Jimbo gasps]

- [bleats]
- [gasps]

[Jimbo groans]

Ow!

Hog-tied and goat blinded!

[grunts, whimpers]

[birds chirping]

[tense music]

[grunts]

Yay!

I'm afraid the news is grim.

- What?
- Oh, no!

For my bank account!
[chuckles]

Can't gouge you
for medical bills with this...

healthy baby boy!
[laughs]

[Dr. Kevin] Tension breaker.

[laughs]

- Oh!
- Oh, thank goodness!

See? Perfectly normal.
What did I tell you?

- Growth rate is on the low side, but...
- [Boss Baby belches]

...we're all a little different!

Speaking of different,

I'm gonna take the baby
somewhere else to play now. Bye!

Almost there, Staci!

- [Multi-Multi-Task Baby] Whee!
- Jimbo, look out!

No!

I collected every free formula sample
in the hospital

and I made you
this inspirational cross-stitch!

Gotta run. Vote OCB!

- Which one's the Unstafant?
- Just start feeding him anything!

[Staci] Jimbo! Jimbo!

Boss, you're back!

I gathered a whole army for you to...

[gibbers]

[somber music]

- Boss Baby isn't coming.
- [babies gasp]

- What?
- We're doomed!

[puppies barking]

[gasps]
They're in the vents!

They're gonna find us!
What are we supposed to do?

Oh...

[Staci] Instruction manual's
kind of vague on this situation.

But I know what I can't do...

just sit around.

I'm gonna fight.

You and what army?

Sorry, "that," not "what".

That army. This one.

Us. We're the army.

It's an inspirational moment. Yay!

You hear what's out in those vents.

We've never been up
against three arch-nemeses at once.

It's a fool's mission.

Then call us... Staci's Fools!

[all cheer]

Staci's Fools!

We're unpredictable and expl*sive,

so I think we should call ourselves
Diarrhea Squad!

Shut it, Marketing!

Fools, let's get goofy!

[all yelling]

We're running out of time!

[stomach grumbles]

How much milk did you yahoos give me?

- Yes!
- We have to get you to Baby Corp!

[groans]

Gonna need a minute.

[all yelling]

Um, I enjoy yelling and running
with raised fists as much as any baby,

but where are the bad guys?

They were just here a minute ago.

- [banging]
- [babies yelling]

Trap?

Be pretty foolish to just jump in
and find out, huh?

Yes, it would.

[all yell]

- [barking]
- [all] Huh?

[belching]

[in British accent]
Cor! Keep your putrid office, then,

you raspberry!

Please, please! No more! No more!

For the love of Pete,
it's like you drank a butter churn!

[both laughing]

- This is awesome!
- Yeah! Belch them good, Boss!

- [belches]
- [both groan]

[grunts]

[whimpers]

I wasn't the only traitor!

Hi! Buddy from HR.

Sorry about the treason.
[chuckles]

Twenty hours of community service

and you're both banned
from the photocopier for a year.

- What?
- My penance is fair, merciful one.

[whines]

Are you kidding me?

PuppyCo attacked
their Baby Corp landlords,

we're officially at w*r,
and they get to stay here?

With a rent discount?

That puppy lawyer is good.

Wait, we're officially at w*r?

And with three enemies at the same time.

What happened here today
was just the first strike.

That's one heck of a first strike.

Yeah. Good thing
I made it back when I did.

You know, I did have a plan.
A whole army, even.

No, yes, of course.
You would've taken this place back.

- I would have.
- Hundred percent.

I wish something would break
this awkward tension.

- [belches]
- [gasps]

[all laugh]

Oh, wow.

- We're still going to w*r, right?
- Totally.

Yes!

[closing theme music]

♪ Boss Baby ♪