01x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr Cary Grant.

Hello.

I have lost my child!

Since John, you've
not been right.

SHE SCREAMS

I've decided I'd
like to go home.

You can't go home. Your husband
is having you committed.

SHE SCREAMS

When am I gonna
see Mother again?

She died, Archie, lad.

Try and think of it like
your ma's in a better place.

I'll confess something to you,
Cary Grant, I made him up.

I made up the perfect
man in order to survive.

Miss Cannonn, I'm Cary Grant. You're
a very difficult one to pin down.

Thought I'd grab a
meeting while I could.

To what end?

Mr Pender, how would I
go about having a trial?

Don't look down, Archie.

The secret is to
lift your head up.

And if you do OK, well, there's
even talk of going to New York.

I want a husband and children.

I want what my parents have.

I can't have children.

I don't mean physically,
I mean I don't want them.

Whatever I have
devoted myself to,

I have devoted myself completely.
Ain't nothing worth going home for.

I'm gonna stay here and
I'm gonna be a star.

Good luck, laddie.

Oh, my dear boy!

I'm delighted that
you turned up.

- And this must be Dyan?
- Hi.

Ha! I am your humble servant.

Please, do come in.

The country gent
thing is all fake.

I'm really a c*ck
from the East End.

But you'll find that we're all
fakes in this town, my dear,

in one way or another.
Aren't we, Cary?

Oh, absolutely.

Alma! Where's my...

You really are a pretty
little thing now, aren't you?

- I'm Alma, Hitch's wife.
- Hi!

I didn't realise how young
you were going to be.

Quite the youngest
one of his I've seen.

Cary is, of course,
eternally youthful himself

But I was worried
you might get bored.

That's very kind, but no need
to be concerned on my part.

I'm old beyond my years.

How long have you and
Cary been an item?

Oh, no, we're not an item.

Well, that makes sense

because he's still married
to my friend Betsy.

I don't know what
Cary's told you,

but we're taking it easy right now.
- Alma...

Please tell me there's
something to drink in this house

other than these
godawful blue c*ck.

Sorry, darling. Afraid not.

Dyan was just telling me
how you're not an item.

Oh, I do hope I haven't
put my foot in it?

Did you have to say that?

Well, it's the truth.

And as she's just reminded
me, you're still married.

Well, it's also the truth

that I haven't seen Betsy
for over three years.

They're all going inside.

Cary, would you
like to say grace?

Yes, I would.

Dear Lord, please
punish our friend Alfred

to the full extent of
your almighty powers

but spare his darling
wife, Alma, who attempted,

as much as she could, to
edit what we see before us,

But he insisted as
ever on the final cut.

In the name of the
Father, the Son

and the Holy weekend
box office, Amen.

Amen.

Very good. Very funny.

Hmm.

Can't you even
bear to look at me?

Are you going to
talk to me or not?

You won't like
what I have to say.

Try me.

I can't commit to someone

who doesn't share the
same goals in life as me.

You know what I want,
a proper relationship.

And somewhere down the
line, I guess, a family.

Children.

Well, I'm not asking
you to commit.

We could be together
now... and be happy.

Just right now. For now.

Is there anything so terribly
wrong with that? Honestly?

Sorry. Would you
excuse me, please?

Dyan.

Dyan!

Dyan, please. Please,
please! I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I just... I
love having you in my life

and I... I want more.

Don't you feel the
same? Don't you feel...

This is so not...

how I expected you to be.

I know. Cary Grant would never
throw himself at a woman.

That's why everybody
wants to be Cary Grant.

Even I want to be Cary Grant.
But I'm... I'm not, I'm...

I'm this schlump here.

I'm this guy! Who's
nuts about ya!

SHE CHUCKLES

What if I said I was
in love with you?

I-I... I can't do this.

I can't.

Rejection, a constant
theme in my life.

You know, if it wasn't for
somebody saying I don't want you,

there'd been times when it felt

as if nobody would be
talking to me at all.

Okay, kid, you're all
done. You know the way out.

The door to the left.

That's the one.

He walks funny, like he's bandy?

And he's got a thick neck.

♪ Give my regards to Broadway

♪ Remember me to Herald Square

♪ Tell all the
g*ng at 42nd Street

♪ That I will soon be there

♪ Whisper of how I'm yearning

♪ To mingle with
the old-time crowd

♪ Give my regards
to old Broadway

♪ And say that I'll
be there 'Ere long. ♪

I... I can juggle too.

And tumble?

Have you ever spoken any lines?

Um...

Uh... not yet.

I've mostly done
Vaudeville, you know,

tumbling and stuff.

But I'm willing
to give it a try.

What accent you got, kid?

Uh, English. I'm from Bristol.

Okay, thank you. Next.

Tough crowd, kid.

- Okay, what's your name?
- George Burns.

What's the rush, Archie?

Hello, Mrs Selden.

You're three weeks
behind with the rent.

That gets to four
and your a*s is out!

A-ha-ha! Here she is!

- Ah...
- Grace!

Your Royal Highness,
if you don't mind.

Oh! I'm terribly sorry.

Your Majesty.

- Oh, love!
- Mmm!

- I'm so glad you came.
- Oh!

I wasn't sure you could, I know
how tight your schedule is.

Well, I was intrigued. Why could
you be so desperate to see me?

Come on. Cup of tea. I've
always wanted to know,

do you wear your crowns
at night, young lady?

Only on Sundays.

Standard contracts

stipulated that actors
on their day off

couldn't go more than 100 miles

from Sound Stage One
at Universal Studios.

We're ninety-nine and
a half miles away.

Only you would know
something like that.

I doubt if the rest of us even
bother to read our contracts.

Well, plenty of
naughty boys did.

That's why Palm Springs became
Hollywood's Sodom and Gomorrah.

Well, of course,
I wouldn't know.

I never got an invite.

I've made a lot of terrible
mistakes in my life.

Well, that's why we're
still friends, isn't it?

Once you get someone
into bed, it's all over.

Shall we walk?

So... why the summons?

- I've met someone.
- Ah!

I... I need advice from
a fellow traveller.

I knew it.

When he asked where I was
going today, I said to Rainier,

I'm going to go and
give dating tips

to one of the most
desirable men in the world.

Don't tease me, Grace.
I'm in over my head.

- Over your big head?
- Ha-ha!

I'm crazy about this girl.
But she's broken it off.

She says there's
no future for us.

She wants commitment. I
mean, she wants a family.

- Oh, I see.
- Yeah.

So, what do you think? Could I?

Well, could I, could
I be that... thing?

I mean, I've been there
before three times.

If I marry her, I'll just...

End up making her hate you?

I was going to say drive her
away, but I take your point.

A boy from Bristol
and a fake princess.

What a journey we've been on.

Where's it all going, I wonder?

I can't do it! Grace, I...
I can't be something...

I can't be a father.

I'm too set in my ways.

I'm too selfish.

Mmm. And that is exactly
why you should do it,

dearest Archie.

He called my agency again
yesterday asking for me.

This is the dreamiest guy in
the world we're talking about

and you won't even
answer his calls.

It's over.

Well, you could always
give him my number.

He's a serial dater. Sophia
Loren, Eva Marie Saint,

Marilyn Monroe.

I don't know if I buy it.

What can I possibly have
to offer Cary Grant?

I'm sure my agent just
wants me to date him again

because it'll be
good for my career.

He's a junkie too.

He does LSD.

Always listen to yourself, Dyan.

If you don't feel comfortable
getting back together with him,

there must be a reason.

He's into guys.

Really? He doesn't
come across as g*y.

Why don't I take
your mind off him?

- Take you out tonight.
- No.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Hello?

Dyan.

It's for you.

Hello?

Ah, finally!

I thought I was never going
to hear your voice again.

How did you get this number?

How did you even know
that I would be here?

Well, it's actually
quite a small town.

Most people, unlike you, tell
me exactly what I want to hear.

Look, let me cut to the chase.

Have lunch with me
tomorrow at the studio.

Tomorrow? Um...

Sorry, I have to, um...

run over to the Fox
lot to do some looping.

On what movie? I can call
and get it rescheduled.

- No, I... It's...
- Please.

Just one time. One lunch.

I'll never bother
you again, I promise.

Uh, you know what?
I... I was wrong. Um...

It's not until the day after
tomorrow so... so sure.

Wonderful! Well,
that's settled then.

I'll see you tomorrow
at one at the studio.

I'll put your name at the gate.

You'll meet Doris.

Doris?

Yeah, you'll love
her. She's wonderful.

See you tomorrow.

Shut up, okay? Just... shut up.

- Thank you!
- Sorry, sorry! Sorry, sorry!

Ladies, your lunch companions.

'I suppose I wasn't
bad-looking back then.

'For long periods, it
was just about all I had.

'Looking presentable.

'You see, there were
ladies of a certain age

'who liked young
lunch companions.

'And I was happy to oblige.

'At least I got to eat.'

BELL RINGS

Tough crowd!

George, isn't it? George Burns.

The one and only.

And I didn't get the
job either that day.

- Remind me what your name is?
- Archie Leach.

What are you doing here?

What am I doing?

Having lunch with my
lawyer, if you must know.

He's picking up the cheque,
so it's not all bad.

I guess you're not
paying for lunch either?

Oh... They're...

Oh, I'm sure it makes their day

to have a good-looking kid
sitting right next to them.

So, uh, you're an actor, right?

Sure, if someone
gave me a chance.

You've got to do something
about that accent.

You sound like a cross between
Dutch Schulz and Long John Silver.

So, I got this friend, Fay Wray.

- I've heard of her.
- Yeah.

Well, her and her old man have
written this play and, uh,

nothing in it for a Jewish
comedian from New York,

but I happen to know that they're
looking for a good-looking fella

to play opposite Fay.

Well, I remember seeing you from
the theatre that day and, uh,

I don't like to see
someone struggling.

Do you believe in
serendipity, Archie?

I'm not sure what it is.

Mmm. Look it up, kid.

I should be happy if I had
none to fear but my enemies,

and no other hindrance to my
salvation but their calum...

Call-um-na.
Call-um-nee. Calumny.

If you cannot neither hind...

neither hindrance
to my salvation...

I should be happy if I had
none to fear but my enemies.

And no other hindrance to
my salvation but their...

Calumny! But their
calum... But their calumny.

To my salvation
but their calumny!

But, Heloise, you
make me tremble,

your letters declare to me that
you are enslaved to human love,

And yet, if you cannot conquer
it, you cannot be saved.

If you cannot conquer it!

You cannot be saved.

Letters declare to me that you
are enslaved to human love.

And if you cannot conquer
it, you cannot be saved.

Heloise, if you
cannot conquer it,

you cannot be saved.

I'm Cary Lockwood.

I'm Cary.

Go get 'em!

Okay, so Cary stands in front
of one of the gravestones

and Nikki comes to his side.

I should be happy if I had
none to fear but my enemies,

and no other hindrance to my
salvation but their calumny.

But...

Heloise...

you make me tremble.

Your letters declare to me that
you are enslaved to human love,

and yet...

if you cannot conquer it,

you cannot be saved.

Okay, let's cut it there.

Thank you, Archie.
We'll be in touch.

Thank you. Thank you very much
for seeing me, Mr Saunders.

Miss Wray.

Well, George Burns wasn't wrong
about how good-looking he is.

I liked him.

I think we could have
our Cary Lockwood?

What the hell was that accent?

Australian?

Dyan, come and say hi to Doris!

Hi, Dyan.

- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

Gosh, you're very pretty!

Oh, uh, thank you.

Doris, thank you.

I'm such a fan of
all of your work.

That's so kind of you to say.

And of Cary's, I assume?

No, she's not seen
anything I've ever been in.

THEY LAUGH

Oh... You're not going
to have any more?

- No.
- Right, well...

waste not want not.

So, who else's food
have you stolen?

Well, what does that mean?

Tell me about the other
women in your life.

You're nobody's
pushover, are you?

- I hope not.
- Okay.

Like who?

- Marilyn Monroe.
- What about her?

- Well, you knew her, didn't you?
- Mm-hm.

God rest her soul.

What was she like?

Uh, what was Marilyn like?

She was very...

very sweet.

And open, dangerously so.

Constantly putting herself in
the hands of the wrong people.

People who fed her cheap
compliments and alcohol and drugs.

She had so much love to give
and then none for herself.

Cary, do you do drugs?

What?!

I hear all this stuff
about you and LSD.

I... I thought that
was for junkies?

It's all perfectly legal.

I do it under the supervision
of my psychiatrist,

Dr Morty Hartman.

It's part of my therapy.

And why do you need therapy?

Oh, there's a lot about
me you don't know, Dyan.

Are you g*y?

Goodness, where
did that come from?

I mean, I don't
think that you are,

but there are all these rumours.

And... I mean, I don't care.

You seem to be a flirt. Maybe
you flirt with both sexes?

I have loved a lot of people.

I married some of them.

And every one's broken my heart.

You're not going to
break my heart, are you?

Probably.

SHE LAUGHS

Ah! I walked into that one.

Break a leg, Archie.

Come on, Archie.

Fay Wray's new play, Nikki,

opened at the Longacre Theatre
in New York City last night.

Written by her husband,
John Monk Saunders,

a musical tale of
daring do and aviation,

the crowds received
with rapturous applause.

Rapturous applause.

Debuting as Cary Lockwood was a fine
young actor called Archie Leach.

And it's this reviewer's
opinion that this man

has a bright future.

Mr Fox, I'll level with you.

I want to make sure I'm
never hard up again.

George Burns recommended
me? The comedian.

Yeah, he said you
could guide me.

He really is a comedian.
I work in real estate.

He calls me his agent but all I
did is help him buy an apartment.

Well, actually,
that's fine with me.

I don't think some show
business-type would suit me anyway.

So, you're making a 175
a week from this play?

- That's right.
- How many weeks it been running?

- Three weeks.
- Are you any good?

I think so, yes.

Well then, we want a hike.

We tell them for the rest
of the run we want 300.

And if they tour it...

I don't know if
they have plans to.

Okay, well, we'll need a
deal in principle if they do.

- Are you married?
- No.

- Do you own an apartment?
- I live in digs.

Okay. Outgoings?

Maybe $20 a week.

I was thinking of hiring a car.

I met this actress and she's
got to go to California

to do a test for
a speaking part.

- You want to impress her?
- Well...

I thought I'd drive her out
there when the play finishes,

spend a couple of
weeks with her.

She's already made some films
with Chaplin and others,

but she wants to
move into talkies.

To be honest, I don't
know what she sees in me.

Do you want my opinion?

You don't hire a car, you
take her on the train, okay?

I mean, you've seen how much
they're charging for gas these days?

Twenty-two cents a gallon I
paid the last time I filled up.

I felt dizzy.

It was hard to tell
what they thought.

I stumbled on a few damn words,
but I thought I did okay.

You'll be fine. You've
already done pictures,

everybody wants to
see you do some more.

- But will they want to hear me?
- Hey, Ginny!

Hello, Randy, what a surprise!

This is Archie.

- Archie Leach.
- Randy Scott.

Are you an actor too? Cos I
could do without the competition.

SHE LAUGHS

Uh, strictly a stage actor.

Shame, you have a great look.

I could have a word with the
casting department if you like?

- Oh, no, I...
- Get you a screen test?

Whatever I have
tried to do in life,

I have tried with all
my heart to do it well.

Whatever I have
devoted myself to...

..I have devoted
myself completely.

In great aims and in small.

I have always thoroughly
been in earnest.

I don't know why, but this
time when they said "action",

I just felt at home,
like I knew what to do,

how to move, what expression
was right, when to smile.

I'm pleased for
you, really I am.

I'm sorry, darling.

The ups and downs of this
business can be quite the ride.

Did they say when
they'd get back to you?

Just "in due course".

Goddammit, I've already
made movies with Chaplin!

It's like I'm having
to start over again.

- How long is your contract for?
- Five years they've offered me,

at 450 a week and that's
before Stanley talks to them!

Five years!

Don't you see, we've got it
made. I'm gonna be a star!

Okay, so, we need a little
of your family history.

So we can put out a
press release about you?

Um...

Archibald Alexander Leach,

date of birth
January 18th, 1904.

Okay. Mother, father,
sisters, brothers?

- No.
- No what?

My mother's dead and
I don't see my father.

I'm sorry.

I don't want you to put
anything about my family.

Well, where were you born?

I'd rather you
just left that out.

But I have to put something.

Can you make it up?

Well, where shall I
say you were born?

Wisconsin.

Wisconsin? Why Wisconsin?

I... I knew somebody
from there once.

So, do you just want
me to make it all up?

I don't care what you
put. Whatever it is,

it'll be better than the truth.

Okay. Well, there's
one more thing.

They want you to
change your name.

- Archie Leach doesn't cut it.
- But that's my name.

The conditions specify
a new professional name.

They say it sounds kinda clumsy.

Okay.

Anything come to mind?

Well, I... I played a part
recently, and I like that name.

It was Cary. Cary Lockwood.

Cary Lockwood, okay.

Uh... no.

There's another actor
called Lockwood.

Um, I like Cary though!

Here...

It's a list of names from
the Los Angeles phone book.

Try one of those.

It's impossible.
How can I choose?

Just put your finger on one.

Stumpfnagel.

Try again.

Grant.

Cary Grant?

Cary Grant.

Okay. That'll do.

Boy, what a great day
to have good eyesight.

What a great... What a great
day to have good eyesight.

'Now what was it that
George Burns called it?

'Ah, yes, serendipity.'

Who was that?

- Contract guy.
- Who?

I can't remember his name.

Making Madame
Butterfly, I think.

I don't care if he's
making Little Nell.

If he can talk, I'll take him.

You'll take him? For what?

For the lead, of course.

Are you insane?

You finally have a studio ready
to make a Mae West picture,

and you want for your co-lead

somebody practically
off the street. Why him?

I'll give you
three good reasons,

"S", "E" and "X".

I don't even know his name.

Well, go find what it
is and get him for me.

Enjoying it, big boy?

You're gonna make a lot of dough
from now on, thanks to old Mae.

I'm very grateful.

You're friends with Randy Scott?

Yes, we're... we're thinking
of renting a house together.

Let me know if you need somebody
to come over and do your laundry.

Okay, quiet on set!

Here we go, Mae. Roll
sound. And action!

You know, I always did
like a man in a uniform,

and that one fits you grand.

Why don't you come up
some time and see me?

I'm home every evening.

- Yeah, but I'm busy every evening.
- Busy?

'Yes, it really was me
she said that line to.

'And, no, I didn't
take her up on it.

'I already had more than enough
going on in that department.

'Well, I'd achieved the
wildest of my wildest dreams!'

Everything I'd ever
hoped for had come true.

And that's not something
most people get to say.

I got offered lead parts.

My name was up in lights. They
started calling me a star.

And paying me like one.

I moved into a beach
house with Randy Scott.

We sent the rumour
mill into overdrive.

All kinds of things were said

about two bachelors
sharing together.

And we loved it. Studios, though,
they tried to force me to move out.

No, I resisted.

It's cheaper, I said.
We split the rent.

LAUGHTER

I wasn't under contract.

I chose the directors,
I chose the producers,

I chose the writers, my
co-stars. I had total control.

It was terrifying. Why?

Well, because, deep
down, I knew...

That it wasn't going
to make me happy.

Not real happiness.

In the end, being one of the
biggest stars in the world

and having hundreds and millions
of people think they know me,

that didn't do it.

How could it?

I didn't know me.

That's the truth of it.

TELEPHONE RINGS

Somebody get that, please!

RINGING CONTINUES

Hello?

Who?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in.

What's up? The premiere, it
couldn't have gone any better.

- Everybody loves you.
- Not everybody, Stanley.

Barbara and I had another huge
fight. I slept here again.

- You want a drink?
- Sure.

- Something strong.
- Scotch.

It's going to be divorce
number two, I'm afraid.

Where do I start?

You marry this beautiful woman,

who happens to be the most
wealthy woman in the world.

Now, why wouldn't you want to stay
married to a person like that?

I do, Stanley. She doesn't.

It's... It's an
irretrievable situation.

Now why would you say
a thing like that?

Because it's true.

I just had a call.

- What, from Barbara?
- No, no.

The voice at the end of the phone
asked to speak to Archie Leach.

It took me a moment before I
realised it was referring to me.

Who was it?

My father.

I haven't heard from
him for nearly 30 years.

- What did he want?
- He didn't say.

Just that he had
something to tell me

and could I please
go for a visit.

We've just done a
two-picture deal with RKO.

You don't have time
to go to England.

Oh, there's always time.
You can sort it out.

'So, I came back to
where it all started.

'Cary Grant found himself in
the land of Archie Leach.'

I see you,

but I don't believe it's you.

Little Archie all grown up.

Hello, Dad.

Oh, this is, uh...
This is your, uh...

This is Eric.

My brother. Half-brother.

- How do you do?
- Alright.

Eric, get Archie
a drink, will you?

What'll you have?
A pint of bitter?

Why not?

So...

how have you been
these last few decades?

Yeah, can't complain.

Enough money to keep us
in baccy and bevvies,

And you can't ask for
more than that, can you?

Right.

What's your accent, boy?

I've been in America
quite a long time.

You may not have noticed.

It tends to rub off.

Well, you've done mighty well.

Don't think I'm
not proud of you.

I'm just sorry you didn't
carry on with the family name.

Well, they asked me
to change it and...

I wasn't really in a
position to refuse.

As long as you're
not ashamed of us.

Well...

..I'm here.

What is it you wanted to say that
you couldn't say on the telephone?

Ah...

Thank you... Eric.

No! No, no, no.

It's not every day you get to buy a
famous film star a pint of wallop.

Well, here's mud in your eye.

Cheers.

Wow.

- It's pretty good.
- Eric.

Could you leave us for
a few moments, boy?

Only there's things I need
to discuss with Archie.

Course, yes.

Don't think I know
why he came down here.

I think he wanted to meet you.

- Ah.
- I can't get over it.

You leaving here as a boy
and coming back as a man.

A good-looking man
at that and all.

Well?

Well...

..my health's not been too good,
but my conscience is clear.

I know none of us know when,
you know, how long we got,

but when it comes, I shall
go with my head held high.

Your conscience is
clear about what?

I did it for you.

I didn't want her
interfering, Archie.

I thought she'd hold you back.

What are you talking about?

Well...

..not to put too
fine a point on it,

it's your mother
I'm talking about.

What about her?

No nice way to say it but...

..she's still alive.

What... What do you mean?

I did it for you, boy.

You... You know how she
was when we lost John.

My mother is alive? And
while-while we're...

while we're talking in this
pub, Mum is alive somewhere?

Yes, that's so.

Where? Where is she?

She's in...

Fishponds Asylum.

I had to put her there.

You told me she was dead.

You told a little boy
that his mother was dead.

I judged it was the best
thing to tell you at the time

in the state she was in.

She became a very difficult
person to live with.

She gave me all
sorts of problems!

You were meant to
look after her.

You were meant to protect
her. She's your wife.

- She's your f*cking wife!
- Aah! Aah!

- I did it for you, boy!
- You're f*cking evil!

- I did it for you!
- You told me she was dead!

I did it for you, boy!

Don't be too hard on me, boy.
I've only just got you back.

No, you don't get me back.
You don't have a son.

Welcome to our
hospital, Mr Grant.

- Thank you.
- Please...

- Hello.
- Hello.

She's never really
caused us any problems.

I asked around for years
whether she had any other family

other than her husband,
given his inflexibility,

but I never got to
the bottom of it.

If only we'd known
who her son was.

I've seen lots of
your films and...

Hello, Mother.

I mean, I know I've
grown a little.

Don't you recognise me at all?

It's your son, Mrs Leach.

Remember he was coming
to see you today?

My... My son?

No, this isn't my son.

No, where's Archie?
Where's my little Archie?