02x01 - Half-Naked Birdman and the g*ng in Golem Paradise

[bunniefuu]

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
In today's world,

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
In today's world,

Fully-immersive
virtual reality experiences

dominate the gaming landscape,

giving the players
a new way to play.

Now, they can finally
become denizens

of their favorite
fictional worlds.

In a market over-saturated
with VR games,

only one boasts more than


It's considered the definitive
triple-A experience.

A place for true pioneers.

♪

[FEMALE NARRATOR]
Shangri-La Frontier!

[WETHERMON] Sky Clear!

[RAKURO] Crescent Vorpal!

♪

You've earned this
eternal rest.

[RAKURO] Time to sleep,
Weathermon!

♪

[WETHERMON] "As clear
as a cloudless sky."

[VYSACHE] The truth.

Our world's full of mystery.

Wanna know more?

[RAKURO]
More than anything, sir.

It would be an honor.

[VYSACHE]
Before we dive in,

there's one small favor
I'd like to ask of you, first.

[BILAC] Only an
Ancient Craftsman

can help ya pal, 'cause this
Divinity stuff's no joke.

[RAKURO] If there's no
Ancient Craftsman around,

I just need to work on
turning Bilac into one!

[BILAC] You know what?
Screw it.

I'll play your little game,

and become
an Ancient Craftsman!

That's what I'm talkin' about,
Big Sis Bee!

[RAKURO] Let's go!
The plan to turn Bilac

into an Ancient Craftsman
starts now!

- Let's go, tally-h*!
- Yeah! Let's go!

[FEMALE NARRATOR] Self-avowed
Lover of trash-games,

Rakuro Hizutome.

AKA Sunraku, was cruising
toward his next goal.

In order to advance
the story,

he had to do two things.

Acquire a magic
operations unit.

Then turn Bilac
into an Ancient Craftsman.

[RAKURO] Aw, yeah!

New area, here we come!

This blows!
I can't friggin' breathe!

How long you plannin'
on keepin' me

stuffed under there
with Sir Paws-a-lot?

[ARAMIYS] No! My maiden's
warmth grows

colder in the night!

You are such a freak!

[RAKURO] Yeah, well, I bet
we'll be swarmed by mobs soon.

-Better unequip this.
-[ARAMIYS] No! Our honeymoon.

Honey this!

[laughs]

So, may I also return
to my original form?

[RAKURO] Sure.
No one's around to see you.

[giggles]

[RAKURO] We've been bamboozled.

From a distance,
it looked like

the bones of a living creature.

Up close, you can see
it's man-made.

[EMUL] Boy,
it sure is enormous!

[RAKURO] My guess it was made
during the Divinity,

but why'd they build
something like this?

There had to be a reason
their culture died out, right?

Were they fighting
against something?

What did she say?

You will seek out "Bahamut."

[RAKURO] Hmm?

Hey, Sunraku?

[RAKURO] "Hey" yourself!
I'm thinkin', here!

Ever since we met that
Professor guy

from the lore clan,

my lore-brain
has been activated.

[PROFESSOR] If you wish
to further explore

and understand
the truth of this world,

then surely you'll join us
in our efforts.

[RAKURO] Huh? Truth, like
"hidden secrets" kinda stuff?

[PROFESSOR] Yes!

As proud Librarians
and curators of information,

it is our duty to discover

the Frontier's enigmatic truths,

and bring them to light
for us all!

[RAKURO] Cultist or not,
this Professor guy's

right about one thing.

The scenario flags in this game
are very specific,

and hard to discover.

If I really wanted to dig in
and find them all,

it would be hard to do
without a deeper understanding

of the world.

In particular,

the flag that triggers
the scenario

for one of SLF's Seven Colossi.

The big bad wolf himself,
Lycagon the Nightslayer.

[Rakuro sighs]

[PROFESSOR] Huh?
You added me?

Can I assume that means
you've agreed to my proposal?

[RAKURO] Yeah. I've just got
a few things

to take care of first.

We'll hash out
the details later.

[PROFESSOR] Mm.

[RAKURO] That said, if you want
the juicy deets on Wethermon.

There's someone that knows
a lot more than me.

She goes by the name Pencilgon.

[PROFESSOR] Huh? Pencilgon?

The notorious Giant k*ller?

I'd heard she was in contact
with Shwarz Vulf,

but not much other than that.

Very good, Sunraku.

Now, farewell.

Please, let's meet again
sooner than later.

[footfall]

-[Rakuro sighs]
-I'm not gonna lie.

I still can't get over
the voice

comin' outta that avatar.

It's crazy, the second
I whipped out Pencilgon's name,

boom, Professor Bass stopped
bothering me real quick.

Thanks to the Pencil's
noble sacrifice,

he can bug her and I can
keep enjoying ye olde frontier!

Hopefully, she'll keep our
Librarian friend busy,

'cause I wanna get to workin'
on those dudes

that are stashed
in the Inventoria!

Hey, nimrod.

You know how close that
professor guy was

to finding out catbrain
and I were up your skirt?

No need to worry,
I'm pretty sure

he knew I was packin'
something down there.

-[BILAC, ARAMIYS] Huh?
-Impossible!

[RAKURO] The guy
wasn't dumb and blind,

and he's the head
of a lore clan

who knew where my robe
came from.

Plus, he was super polite.

I think he was keeping
his cards close to his chest.

Anyway, forget about that!

We've finally reached our fake,
skeletal paradise,

so it's time to shift gears

and find ourselves
a magic operations unit!

-Tally-h*, here we go!
-Hold up, guys.

-[RAKURO] Huh? How come?
-Huh?

Before we left,
I happened to do

a little bit of my own research
on this place.

Brilliant as ever,
my lady love!

Listen, the main thing
you gotta watch out for

is a freakish,
never-ending stream of golems.

[BILAC] Huh?
[ARAMIYS] Huh?

[ALL] Huh?

Whoa!

Ya see?
What did I just tell you guys?

The whole darn place is bound
to be crawling with golems

from the age of Divinity!

[RAKURO]
Yeah, I see that!

There's one right here!

Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh,
oh, my gosh!

[RAKURO]
Well, aren't you a big,

tough-looking bucket o' bolts?

[BILAC] Looks like
a worker golem to me.

[RAKURO] All right, so how does
one fight a "worker golem?"

Huh?

[grunts]

[RAKURO]
Fire attacks, huh?

You've definitely got some
power in there,

but methinks you're too slow
to use it!

We'll win this thing
with speed!

Follow me, Emul!

Righty-o!

Steel giant
of the lost Divinity.

Allow me to bring down
the curtain

on your wretched play!

[ARAMIYS] Sworvant Solo!
Primal Slash!

Aramiys, the Wild Wind,
is right here by your side.

And no enemy, big or small,
shall stand in our way!

[RAKURO]
One hit, really?

H-hang on,
tell me it's not happening!

Did your feral smash pulverize
the drops as well?

There's no loot, man!

[laughs]

I may have gotten
a bit carried awa--

You friggin' moron!

I don't care if you wanna
show off or not.

Just don't waste
a dragon-k*ller attack

to take out one little
worker golem!

Fair maiden.

Not in the head again please,
I beg you!

[RAKURO] A move called
"Dragon-k*ller?"

Hey bud, why don't we keep
our damage-b*mb

finishing moves to ourselves,
mm'kay?

Understood, sir!
Yes, sir!

[RAKURO] So, like, I get that
Aramys is pretty OP,

but these things
don't seem like

they require that much oomph.

[BILAC] Don't be stupid.

You can't assume
all of 'em here

are gonna be slowpokes
like the worker.

The scary golems are the ones
born from local elements.

What does that even mean?

[BILAC] I'm tellin' ya,
you never know

what those freaks are gonna do!

[EMUL] Huh?

[RAKURO] Huh? Hello?

-[Rakuro gasps]
-Not good.

Hold still, birdman!

[grunts]

[expl*si*n]

[Emul gasps]

[RAKURO] That coulda been
my leg!

Huh? It blew itself up?

Does "local element" mean

he was made from
nearby materials?

Yeah, and I tried to warn ya
those guys were unpredictable!

Sunraku, look! I think
you'll want to see this!

-[RAKURO] Huh?
-[chuckles]

Hey Aramiys,
you remember that thing

I said about keeping
our ultra damage-b*mb

finishers to ourselves?

Mm.

[RAKURO] I take it back.

Now's the time to
let 'em rip, King!

♪

[grunting]

[RAKURO] Yo!
Careful of chain reactions!

I'm tryin', but if that thing
won't stop spittin' out

more of 'em, all bets are off!

[RAKURO] There's no point
in fighting

an infinite army
of Ball Golems.

We'll have to get intimate
with the big ball

and destroy it!

[whimpering]

[gasps]

Take this, Magic Edge!

[expl*si*n]

Plus one Sworvant Solo.
Primal Slash!

[ARAMIYS] I've accomplished
nothing.

[EMUL] They just keep coming,
boss!

[RAKURO] Is it just me,
or are these tater-tots

gathering around
Emul and Aramiys?

Oh, yeah, it's almost like

they got it out for 'em,
don't they?

[RAKURO] Maybe they see
a high-level fighter

like Aramiys, and the ranged
caster like Emul,

as top-billed threats.

That's some clever AI
you got there,

Ancient Golem Fam,

but while you're distracted.

C'mon, Bilac!

Now's our chance!
Let's fry this big tater!

You got it, boss!

[RAKURO] Since most of them
are fanned out and distracted,

we can use my speed
and agility to get up close!

Daddy's home!

Guess your fancy AI
worked against you!

It's smashing time, Bilac!

Right!

[BILAC] Huh?

It jumped up?

I mean, I could make it there
with Moon Jumper

and Six-Boat Leap.

[RAKURO] Damn it!

How am I supposed to get
close to that thing

when it's crappin'
expl*sive turds?

[EMUL] Sunraku!

Too many ba*ls!

I can't get through to help
my best friend!

[ARAMIYS] Get down,
my beloved's sister.

Sworvant Solo! Primal Slash!

[thud]

[RAKURO]
That's our Swordsmaster!

You saved my butt!

The Wild Wind telleth no lies!

I'll cut down all
who stand in our way!

Awe!

[RAKURO] Aw, man!
Not this again!

From where he was perched,

I don't think he was in
a position to jump far.

This might be a good chance
to test our little number out!

Uh-huh.

[grunts]

♪

[RAKURO] Your Decapitator's
been refurbished, General.

Let's give it a spin!

♪

[RAKURO] Skill.

Glowing Pierce!

If you're trying that hard
to avoid taking damage,

you must not have much
confidence in your vitality!

The core! I am diggin'
this reborn Decapitator!

Now it's my turn!

[BILAC] Material Destroy!

Huh?

[RAKURO] Well, there goes
the neighborhood.

Everyone. retreat!

[expl*si*n]

[EMUL] Sunraku!

[panting]

I had a feeling that
was gonna happen.

Of course the big one
blows up as well.

Too close for comfort here.

Thy fairest maiden!
Praise be, you made it!

You too, boss!

[RAKURO] Huh?

Can you see
what's falling from the sky?

Huh?

[RAKURO] An item drop, maybe?

It's got an icon, so...

What's this? Kinda looks like
an egg with a derpy face.

A haniwa?

I find it rather cute!

[RAKURO] You think it's cute?

Let's see,
"Blasting Earth Idol."

"A small-scale replica
sometimes produced

from a naturally-spawning
golem.

This particular idol is made
by Cannonball Golems.

Handle with caution,
it unleashes a minor expl*si*n

in response
to a strong impact."

"When the Blasting Earth Idol's
dance reaches its cl*max,

it beckons the ground,
summoning flames

from the earth's core."

An expl*si*n?
Hey, this thing's a grenade!

And if you hadn't caught it,

we woulda had our butts
blown to high heaven.

[RAKURO] Man, talk about
a b*mb-a*s parting gift.

Into the Inventoria you go!

We're on a mission to find
a magic operations unit!

[grunts]

[RAKURO] That felt like
a good hit!

Hell yeah!

[EMUL]
Brilliantly done!

[RAKURO] Another idol, great.

A lady knight?

This one's more detailed,
for sure.

Strongly draws attention
from certain monsters, eh?

I wonder if it works on your

run-of-the-mill
goblins and orcs?

I'm glad you're safe,
my fair lady!

Paws off, ya creepy lug!

[whimpers]

First it's my head,
now it's the jaw.

[RAKURO] The more the idol
rejects mobs,

the more they like her.

Gee-wiz, I don't know

if I've ever seen
that dynamic before.

-What's up?
-[RAKURO] Nothing.

[RAKURO] Just lost in thought,
admiring our sweet Decapitator.

With all those swords
sticking outta that mob,

none of my other weapons
would have come

close to reaching the core.

Plus, it's got
insane durability.

[chuckles]
Well I reinforced it myself.

No, duh, it's durable.

[RAKURO] Well, sh**t,

I can't forget my job is still
twinblade mercenary.

It's easy to learn twinblade
and dagger-based skills.

Longsword skills, not so much.

I guess it would be
good practice

for wielding the Twin Moon,

but I'll stick to maining
my twinblades.

[BILAC] Now what?
We managed to bust through

the golems clustered
around here.

We gonna walk all night,

or do you think the workshop
you're looking for is nearby?

The one with your fancy
"marjik oppleration zoonit".

[RAKURO] Well,
I can't say for sure.

But since it's a workshop
from way back

in the age of the Divinity,

what we're looking for is
probably less like a forge,

and more like a factory.

I had not considered that.

[RAKURO] Think about it,

if they've got a workshop
that's using science

to manufacture items
in secret,

surely this is an important
place to them.

If I had to guess,
these ruins

are the result of
enemy attacks.

And from the amount of golems

they have defending
this particular spot,

we may be close to the jackpot.

I see it now!

You sought out the place
where the golems most thrived

to find your hidden loot!

[EMUL] You have the smartest
ideas, you know that?

Yeah. But I don't see
any buildings

that look like
what you're after.

It's nothin' but rubble
out here.

[Rakuro chuckles]

[RAKURO] Oh, yeah,
I bet it's around here.

[EMUL, ARAMIYS, BILAC] Huh?

[RAKURO] Where might one
build a secret factory

to protect it
from outside threats?

Come on guys, think!

-Wow!
-[chuckles]

[RAKURO] You build it
underground!

[EMUL] You never cease
to amaze me, Sunraku!

[RAKURO] I can't see
the bottom from here.

[BILAC] Birds can't see
in the dark, bro.

[RAKURO] It's just a mask,
wise-guy!

[ARAMIYS] Now, my lady,

regarding my invitation
to Cazzeria.

[KEI] There we go.

I had a feeling
I'd find him here.

[TOWA] That c*ck birdbrain.

He really thought he could
get away with flat-out

ignoring my email
after he's seen firsthand

what happens to people
who ghost me.

[ARAMIYS] Cazzeria is
a neighboring ally to Rabituza.

[KEI] What do we do?

Oh, I dunno.

Maybe a little PKing
to start the day?

-[chuckles]
-Yeah.

[slurps]

♪

[WALLA: KIDS] SLF Theater!

Mini!

Hey, Mana, how are you tod..

Come to me, my lost lamb.

Welcome to the Rock Roll,

where bold fortunes
favor the willing!

[REI] Huh?

Have a seat, my young friend.

[REI] Okay.
When did you do all this?

I said, have a seat, please!

[REI] Oh! Yeah, sorry.

Now then, your fortune begins.

You are in love, do I speaketh
the truth, young one?

[gasps]
Well, uh, yes.

[MANA] And yet, this deepest
love has not borne fruit.

Uh...

Right.

[MANA] Guess you haven't
been aggressive enough.

Hey, shouldn't you
be maintaining

the fortune teller act,
or are we done with that?

Lo, the crystal shall weave

the tapestry
of your romantic destiny.

It better, 'cause I paid
twenty-thousand yen.

[REI] Right.

[MANA] Yes. I see it, now!

A new game released
two days ago,

and the opinions are ranging
from trash to smash,

with the gaming community
totally divided on this one.

[MANA] Your love,
he's a physical media guy.

So if he hasn't bought it here,

that means he doesn't
have it yet.

In other words,
he'll be coming by to get it.

[gasps]

What's goin' on, fam?

What stinks? Anything new?

[MANA] Well...

Hey, was somebody just here?

Uh, an apparition, perhaps.

Now, the crystal tells me
you're here for this.

[RAKURO] Huh?

Holy crap, I can already
tell this one reeks!

The positive reviews are
just copy-pasted platitudes,

they're all garbage.

Superfun Fantasy, here I come!

Can't believe you were
brave enough to stock this!

It requires little bravery
when you know that

you're going to sell
at least two copies.

[MANA] Thank you
for stopping by!

Come, speak with me,
my lost lamb.

For you,
I'll take ten percent off.

And also,
there's an online mode.

I guess I'll take one, then.

[MANA] Thank you
for stopping by!

You've got the "chase"
part down, don't 'cha?