02x08 - The Silence of the Tchotchkes/A Car is Born

[bunniefuu]

And that's how
French toast was invented.

Wow, what a violent history
for a breakfast food.

So, what's everyone doing today?

I'm going to catch up
on my Saturday morning cartoons.

And I need to take the van
into the shop yet again.

[sighs] It's really been acting up lately.

Hmm. I wonder why.

[crashing]

Seriously?

Yeah, it's a real mystery.

Maybe it's time for me to get a new car.

Sorry, Kev.
We can't afford to get you a new car.

We can if we go to this place.

They're having a huge sale. Today only.

Need a new car?

Come on down
to Slickman's Car and Auto Mall

for our 11th Saturday
of The Year sale!

A date so arbitrary
we had to put a sale on it!

Please! And I'm just getting really sick
of being called "the minivan kid".

But you love your van, Kevin.

And more importantly,
I love your van.

It's time, Gretel.

All good things
must come to an end.

Well, I am a sucker
for a well-designed flyer.

All right, let's check it out.

Yes!

Veronica Hill reporting
from downtown,

where a half-man, half-car person
is stealing steering wheels,

car doors and other
automotive sundries.

Will nobody put the brakes
on this vehicular villain?

In other news,
I need a ride back to the studio.

We've got to stop this guy

before there isn't a working car
left in the city.

Can't the regular police handle this?

What do I pay taxes for?

- You don't.
- Oh, yeah.

So how exactly
does a trade-in work?

Well, our van is worth something,

your new car is worth something more,

and you make up
the difference in cost with the trade-in.

And I think
you're mature enough to handle...

[screams] This one! This one!
This one! This one!

This car would be
life changing.

[♪ upbeat music playing]

[crowd clamoring]

[camera shutters clicking]

Sorry to horn in

- on your fantasy sequence, Kev...
- Huh?

But you're gonna
have to be quite the negotiator

to get this car for your van.

Hey, I know that sound.

It's an idealistic son
and a practical dad.

[chuckles] My favorite kind of customers.

Sam Slickman,
automotive purveyor extraordinaire!

So, we ready to
talk business or what?

Take it away, son.

All right, Kevin.

It's time for the buyer
to become the seller.

Buyer, seller, buyer, seller...

Heya, Mr. Slickman.
Kevin Grant-Gomez.

And I'd be happy to take this old lemon
off your hands

in exchange for this beauty!

[rat squeaking]

Now she is a beauty.

Really?
I was talking about the rat.

You know, if we had a robust
public transportation system,

this really wouldn't be an issue.

[car lock chirping]

- Let's just find this guy.
- So he's half-man and half...

- Yep, that's gotta be him.
- Stop right there.

- Hamster and Gretel!
- [Hamster] Ugh! Rough look.

I take it tank tops
are a challenge for you, Mr...

The name's Carl.
And the exclamation point?

It adds a sense
of intimidation, you know.

- [growls]
- Yeah, okay, great.

Can you please just stop
wrecking people's cars now?

Oh, I'm just getting
started, dollface.

Here we go. [laughs]

See you later, losers!

[laughs maniacally]

[Hamster exclaims in disgust]

I'm not looking forward
to this guy's backstory.

Wow, this thing's great.

You know, back in my day,

they just had a really limber guy
doing this.

Oh, you mean Limber Len?

He's still in the game.

Whoo! I haven't sat down in 26 years.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

A whole seven-seater van
for this puny little sports car?

This deal is just too good.

Oh, you're k*lling it, Kev.

Hey, Dad, why don't you
take that enthusiasm

and channel it into
those car air fresheners over there?

Ooh, I am a sucker
for overpowering artificial smells!

Now, where was I? Uh...

You were trying to sell me
on your rundown van.

Rundown is just
another way to say "well loved."

And she's real sturdy.

Detachable mirror.

Pretty cool, huh?

Does this rust bucket even run?

Does she ever!
Hop on in and I'll show you.

I'll humor you, kid.

Limber Len, watch the lot!

You got it, Mr. Slickman!

[tires screeching]

[laughing maniacally]

[cackles]

Finally. Give it up, Carl.

You've got nowhere to go.

You'll never stop me.

I'm this close to becoming

the savviest half-guy,
half-classic car ever.

I'll finally make my dad proud.

All right.
What's your dad got to do with this?

Shut up. I'll tell you.

Yep. And here comes the back story.

[Carl] All my life, my dad cared more
about classic cars than he did about me.

Whether I was good...

or bad.

He never paid attention to me.

So I did the only thing I could do.

Share your feelings with him in
a frank discussion and find common ground?

No! Fuse myself with the car.

Obviously!

So I bought a sketchy machine online

that merges things with other things...

and turned myself
into a half-man, half-car!

And now all I need are a few more pieces
to be the perfect son.

I mean car... Argh!
I mean "car-son".

- Oh! And by the way...
- There's more?

All those stolen car parts

mean I can turn into any vehicle I want.

Like this!

Ah, there we are.

[engine revving]

Yeah, I think
we're gonna need some backup.

I've got my cream colored leather seats,

my walnut steering wheel,
my built-in car phone, circa 1983.

All I need now
is the perfect vintage antenna.

And this vintage antenna
is a classy accessory

that reminds us of a simpler time.

I don't know.
This whole car seems outdated.

Outdated?
Do you see that other car dealership?

The one that we're about to pass?

Yeah. He's my biggest competitor.

Well, that car dealer is mighty interested
in this outdated minivan.

No. Not Cam Conman.

Yeah, that's right.

Cam is hooked,
and all it takes is one call,

and this van is his.

Well, I should probably discuss this
with my wife.

Make it snappy.
This baby is one hot ticket item.

[cell phone ringing]

Excuse me.
I just need a minute.

Kevin, I need your help.

I'm downtown with Hamster
chasing a half-man, half-car villain,

and we've lost sight of him.

Uh, okay. What does he look like?

Like a pretty bird.

- Really?
- No! Like a half-man, half-car!

- [engine revving]
- Ooh! A vintage antenna!

And exactly the kind
I've been looking for!

Gimme, gimme, gimme!

Uh, yeah,
I definitely see him!

Hey Sam, slight change of plans.

We've gotta speed it up here.

But now you'll be able to see
what this baby is really capable of!

That antenna is mine!

[screaming]

[♪ rock music playing]

♪ A car is a car is a car in a chase ♪

♪ It doesn't matter the form
It only matters the pace ♪

♪ So you keep that hammer down
This ain't a charity case ♪

♪ Because a car is a car
is a car in a chase ♪

♪ He's not letting up ♪

♪ Looks like he's
sticking to his agenda ♪

♪ He's not gonna stop
until he gets your old school antenna ♪

♪ This is not the test drive
you wanted when you started ♪

♪ But the rule book has
now been fully disregarded ♪

♪ Humanoid, Motorcycle
hot-rod, or truck ♪

♪ Don't know what you're running from
but he is running amok ♪

♪ A car is a car is a car in a chase ♪

♪ It doesn't matter the form
It only matters the pace ♪

♪ Keep the pedal to the medal
or you'll lose your place ♪

♪ Because a car is a car
is a car in a chase ♪

♪ Yes, a car is a car
is a car in a chase ♪

You're on your own for a bit, Kevin.

[grunts] We might be a while.

[engine revving]

Time to reel that antennae in.

Gotcha!

Think, Kevin, think! I need an idea.

[car honking]

[both] Whoa!

Come on!

Wait! That's it.
I'm protected inside my van,

but this guy's pretty much
fully exposed.

I think I know just what to do.

What is happening?

Okay, Dave, we're torn.

Is it "wish upon a waterfall"...

Mmm or "midnight musk"?

[sniffs] Ah!
Curse you, bells and whistles.

Where's Kevin going?

Just a little bit further.

You're not getting away from me.

That's what I'm hoping.

Car wash?

No! No!

No, no! Oh, no, oh, no!

[Carl screaming]

Please put the brushes away.

Sam the man!

Did I forget to mention
that the glove compartment

is big enough
for a movie theater sized bag of popcorn?

You know, kid, this van
really is full of surprises.

It sure is.

This baby's got me
out of some road jams.

And frankly, I'm impressed we made it
through that car chase unscathed.

Yeah. You know, come to think of it,

this car has always been there
for me and my family.

She might be
rough around the edges,

but I wouldn't trade her
for anything in the whole world.

You know, kid,
from one salesman to another, you got me.

I'm going to give you a good trade-in.

No, I'm serious now.
I'm keeping the van.

All right, kid, I guess
there's nothing left to say,

except thanks for wasting my time,

and please stay away
from my dealership.

[Carl growls]

I'm gonna get you for this!

Car guy punch!

- [siren wails]
- I just wanted to make my daddy proud!

- Now that is one nice lookin' car!
- [gasps]

- Daddy?
- Carl?

Wow! Looking good, kid.

Real good.

Really, Pops?

Is what I would say
if you had the perfect vintage antenna.

But you don't.
Keep trying, though.

I will, Papa. I will.

My left foot!
You're driving away without my left foot.

Kevin, so what happened
to getting a cool new car?

Cool? Yes.

New? No.

I've decided I'm keeping the van.

Aw, yeah. Wait. Where's Dad?

And October Opulence
is [sniffs] going into the "maybe" pile.

Ah!

Oh! They've got smells
of the Eastern Hemisphere?

I'm gonna be here all night!

[♪ theme music playing]

♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪

♪ It's Hamster ♪

♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪