02x09 - Who's In Charge?/Fools of Engagement

[bunniefuu]

[Fistpuncher]
Okay, footkicker,

let us go over
our brilliant three-step plan.

Step one,

escape from prison.

Step two,
become the most feared
and respected

supervillains in town
by destroying the entire mall.

And step three--

Get my sister,
AKA the Ex-Destructress,

fired from her new job
at the mall just for fun.

Oh, I was gonna say,
get me a billing costume.

But I love a pivot.

Oh, me too.
High five.

Oh, hey, we can totally
use this for step one.

Perfect! High five.

High five--

Maybe we should just punch
and kick instead of high-five.

Nah, this is more fun.

- High five.
- [banging]

Let's go get famous.

Yeah, uh...

- Dude.
- Oh.

I forgot you don't fly.

- Bummer.
- Yeah.

Oh, good.

Ah! Ah, no!

What's wrong, dude?
Are you afraid of heights?

No, clouds! No!

[shouting continues]

[sniffing]

Oh, what smells
like stinky cheese?

Oh. It's stinky cheese.

Ooh! Limburger King
must really need business.

Oh, there's Irony Outfitters.

Come on. I need
to grab a couple of things.

Look, Lauren the Destructress
is working here.

- Let's go say hi.
- Wait, wait, wait.

This is not good.

What if she's up
to some, like, evil scheme
or something?

I think she quit being evil
a while ago.

Hey, Gretel and Kevin.
Welcome to Irony Outfitters.

Lauren, I didn't know
you got a job at the mall.

That's really cool.

Thanks. I've always
wanted to work

in nonconformist
conformist retail.

Can I help you
find something expensive
that looks cheap?

That's okay. I'll just--
[grunts]

[gasps]
That is so cute on you.

I know exactly
what'll go with it.

She's totally
got an evil plan.

I could see it in her eyes.

They look so villainous.

Nah, that's just
smoky eye shadow.

- Welcome to Irony Outfitters,
may I--
- Hands off, Piper.

- That one's mine!
- [screams]

Uh, hello?
Did you see that!

I guess
we can take a closer look.

Let's invite her to lunch.

[Kevin]
Okay. But no carbs.

I'm doing this paleo thing.

[man shouting]

Okay, bro. Relax.
No more clouds.

[sighs] Sorry, I don't know
what goes on in those things.

But don't worry,
clouds are my only weakness.

I'm a real supervillain.

Do you want to
hear my origin story?

- Not really.
- It all started last summer
when I was searching

for my one
true passion in life

and decided it was football.

But I'm small
and flinch a lot,

so I practiced being a kicker.

[grunts]

But I had weak feet!

I didn't quit, though.
I signed up
for a clinical trial,

looking for old people
who wanted stronger hands
to open jars.

Luckily, the scientist
was gung h*

to strengthen my feet instead.

She put my right foot
in some science juice
for like two hours.

My foot got huge,
but still so weak.

But she'd managed
to make my foot this big,

so there had to be
more she could do.

Just as I
was giving up hope...

I was shot with a green ray.

And my little foot
got really strong.

I had so much fun
wrecking stuff.

People were finally
respecting me

and taking me seriously enough
to throw me in jail.

Now I know that
my one true passion
in life is being a jerk.

- Cloud.
- [shouts]

[crying]

- We're here.
- Whoo!

Time to get my sister fired
and put ourselves on the map.

When Lauren gets here,
I'll casually dig
for information

to see if she's up
to anything evil.

You just act normal.

Easy enough.

- What should I do?
- Be a hamster!

- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Lauren, have a seat.

I think it's high time
we get to know
each other better.

- Don't you?
- For sure.

Other than babysitting
and retail,

what do you
like to do for fun?

You know, go to the movies,
take walks, rob banks?

[chuckles] You're so funny.

Actually, I'm a pretty
law-abiding citizen.

Really. That's so funny!

You seem like the type
of person to be into like
breaking the rules.

Am I right?

- Oh, totally!
- I knew it.

Like today, at work,
we have a dress code

and my socks
are like 2 inches longer
than they're supposed to be.

Whoa! Pretty rule-breaky!

I'm sure you have
more than that, though.

Oh, I do. But I'm going to
go grab a pretzel first.

Be right back.

She's totally
hiding something.

- What?
- You're making it weird, bro.

Oh, I am not.

Yeah, my hero hunch
is not going off.

Just let it go.

Nope. Not letting it go
is what I do best.

Quick question.
You see that cute guy
over there?

I think he might
be flirting with me.

I mean, I hope
he's flirting with me,
but I can't tell.

What do you think?

[munching]

Hmm. Hard to say.
Go ask him some
super personal questions

and I'll check
the body language.

Great idea.

Thanks.

Finally get to
use that master's
in behavioral science.

Before we get my sister fired
and wreck the cheese,

we need, like,
a catchy catch phrase.

Great idea, boss.

Oh, I got one.
Okay, here goes.

It's fist-foot time!

Oh, wow! That's good.

Yeah, I know, right?

It just popped into my head.

Fist-foot time!

Lauren, where are you?

It's time to get really,
really embarrassed,

and then fired!

- Lauren!
- Lauren's out
to lunch right now.

Oh! In that case,
could you help me find

a supervillain
sidekick costume?

I'll have to
steal it, obviously,

because we're
scary supervillains.

Clearly.

[sighs]
Maybe there's something
in the fall collection

that might make you
mildly intimidating.

This is Veronica Hill
with Mayor Meyer

at the unveiling of
the world's largest wheel
of stinky cheese.

Because covering poorly
attended marketing ploys

by failing businesses
is a reporter's dream.

Great to be
with you, Veronica.

- My wife and I have been
buying our cheese at, uh...
- [whispering indistinctly]

...Limburger King for years.

[chuckles] We love cheese.

Enough about me.
I want to know about you.

Tell me what makes you tick.

- Tick?
- Yeah. Tick.

What makes you do
the things you do, Kevin?

Better yet,
what makes you do the things
you don't want to do?

That would be our mom.

I always try
to do the right thing.

Is that what you try to do?
The right thing?

- I definitely try.
- Cryptic, I get it.

Let's all go see
the stinky cheese unveiling
and, and whatever this is.

[both] Sure.

It's a no-brainer.
She's totally evil.

It's a no-brainer.
He's totally flirting.

I knew it!

Well, Mayor, it appears
the time has come
to end the insipid

tongue-k*lling banter,

and reveal the largest wheel
of expensive stinky
cheese in the world!

Absolutely, Veronica!
Drumroll, please.

[all exclaiming]

Well, that concludes our--
[grunts]

- [over mic] Listen up!
- [microphone feedback]

Oh, boy! Not again.

Listen up, citizens.

There's a new
villainous duo in town.

A villainous duo that
you will fear and respect.

Oh, and on a side note,
somebody should
fire that girl, Lauren,

who works in Irony Outfitters.

Gotta go to the bathroom.

Ha! I knew it.

She's gonna come right back
as Destructress and join them.

Huh. Maybe you are right.
Maybe she is up to no good.

Ah. Just like that
hard-boiled egg that I ate.

Oh! Hello, Destructress.

I'd like you to meet
my partner in crime,

Foot Kicker.
Say hi.

Guess what time it is.

- It's time for you to--
- Go to jail.

All three of you.

What?

[both] It's fist-foot time!

[all grunting]

♪It's fist-foot time ♪

♪ And I'm telling you
I'm about to lose control ♪

♪ About to lose my mind ♪

♪ We, the undersigned ♪

♪ Commit disorganized crimes ♪

♪ By turning sofas
upside down ♪

♪ And stealing this lime ♪

♪ Our eternal goal ♪

♪ Is just not
that well-defined ♪

♪ But for now
we're both content ♪

♪ Just terrorizing
this mime ♪

♪ It may look random
but it's by design ♪

♪ It's fist-foot time ♪

♪ There's no need
to hold your applause ♪

♪ It's fist-foot time ♪

♪ You might be wondering
what that was ♪

♪ It's fist-foot time ♪

♪ But you'll have to go
through our agent 'cause ♪

♪ If you want further comment
we're disinclined ♪

♪ It's fist-foot time ♪

Huh?

Kevin!

[screams]

What the...

I knew Lauren would
turn out to be good.

[both groaning]

You saved my life
and I thought you were evil.

Don't judge a book
by its very attractive cover.

[both grunting]

You haven't seen
he last of us.

Yeah. I think we have.

Hamster, take them to jail.
I'll clean up the mess.

Nothing is more
terrifying than us.

[evil laughter]

Dude, it's basically air.

Well, at least
he's making friends.

See? No evil scheme.

Yeah, I guess even
supervillains can change it.

Sorry it took me so long.

There was a long line.

Thanks for lunch, you guys.

It was really nice
getting to know you, Kevin.

It was, um, really nice
getting to know you, too.

Is it me or did you guys
just have a little moment?

I think we just
had a little moment.

So we're back to step one
of our three-step plan.

We've got to make
some changes.

Starting with that
lame superhero outfit
you were wearing.

Ugh! I always let salespeople
talk me into things.

Wait. You got your power
from that green ray, right?

Yeah!

Did you try doing
the spinning thing that
makes your costume appear?

You mean like this?

It worked!

I can fly! [grunts]

I can't fly.

But you look great
and that's all that matters.

- High five!
- High five!

[thuds]

[groaning] This is a lot more
painful than it looks.

[♪ theme music playing]