02x13 - Hamster Ex Machina/Awkwardly Ever After

[bunniefuu]

[siren wailing]

It's really hard to tiptoe
with one giant foot.

[shushing]

[yelling, grunting]

[laughs wildly]

No more tests tomorrow,
or ever again.

Bye-bye,
Northwestside High.

- Bye-bye.
- [groans]

New school.

New nice me.

Bye-bye, mean girl.

[screams]

Darn it, Lyle!

- [laughing]
- [grunts]

What are you
even doing here?

Me and Foot
destroyed
the other school

and wanted to enjoy
the aftermath.

But just the after,
because we hate math.

Well, stay away from me.

I'm starting over
in this school.

I'm gonna be
the nicest girl
who ever lived.

Now get out of my car,
you weasels.

Cramming two
high school's worth
of students

into one school
should be interesting.

Why are you acting like
a nervous Chihuahua?

Because
Lauren The Destructress
is is going here now.

And that's bad why?

Well, we sort of flirted
at the mall recently,

even though I still kinda
have a thing for... Hiromi!

Real subtle, dude.

I'm so confused.

Hey, guys.
Have you been
partnered up

with a student
from the other
school?

Not yet.
Are you hosting
anyone?

Inquiring minds
want to know.

Check one two.
Is this thing on?
[chuckles nervously]

Sorry.
What were we
talking about?

Where's my host
with the most?

Right here
in front of you, man.

Kevin!

Oh. Hey, Lauren.
Hello, hello!

Seriously,
is this still on?

[laughs] O-M-G!
You're so funny.

- Want to be my host?
- Oh. Sorry.

Actually, I just paired up
with Anthony here, so...

Oh, okay.

Nice to meet you.

Actually, we go to
the same high school.

Also the same
middle school
and kindergarten.

Oops.
Of course.

- Sorry.
- Hi, Lauren.
I'm Hiromi.

Do you need
a host?

Wow. I love that
you two are meeting.

I mean...
Hey, Frank.

Didn't you say
you wanted
to host Lauren?

- I did?
- Yes, you did.

- Great!
- Great.

- We should
probably go now.
- Okey-dokey.

See you later, Kevin.

- Lauren seems cool.
- Oh, yeah, she's fine.

She babysits
Gretel sometimes.

So I know her...
as a... as a person.

Well, I should
probably go find
someone to host.

See you later.

Bye. Have fun being
a person that I know.

Why are you acting like
a nervous Chihuahua?

- I'm not. Why are you
acting like--
- [bell rings]

[both scream]
We're late for class!

All right.
Time for Operation
Ruin My Sister's

Fake Nice Reputation
at the New School.

Check it out.
I made posters.

Nice.
Speaking of
making things,

do you like my blow-up
balloon foot?

Because one big foot
is suspicious,

but two big feet
is just a guy
with big feet.

Yeah! No one will
recognize you or think
this is odd in any way.

Let's go.

[in British accent]
Oi! Today, I'm gonna
try me British accent

and talk like it is.

Whoa! I didn't know you could
speak another language.

- Oh.
- Hey, Katie.

- What?
- Isn't this new
school great?

- Here's your math book.
- You can keep it, Lauren.

Just please
don't hurt me.

[chuckles] Weird.

I must look
like a different Lauren
who has a bad reputation.

On a side note.
Is your cousin
Kevin single?

- Technically.
- Great.

I can tell he really
likes nice girls.

Can you put in
a good word for me?

I could.
But I should warn you
that I have an aversion

to being
a teen rom-com's
side character

who's forced to
be the go-between.

- Does that mean
you'll do it?
- Ugh!

Any interest
in some room temperature
locker water?

Sounds refreshing,
but no thanks.

- Listen, I need your help.
It's about a girl.
- No prob.

I'm gonna
need your help after,
about two girls.

Wow. Two? Okay!

So I never told you this,
but I have a huge crush
on Lauren.

Ahh!

- Sorry.
- What the...

- Use the locker towel?
- Ugh. Fine.

Anyway,
she barely knows I exist.

I was hoping
you could put in
a good word for me.

[sputtering]
Ah. I guess I...
I could.

I mean,
that wouldn't be weird
or confusing at all for me.

Thanks, man.
So what's the story
with the two girls?

Ha! I was kidding.
I don't have two girls.

I don't even
have one girl.

I'm just Kevin No Girl
Grant-Gomez.

- Hey, Kevin.
- Hey, Lauren.

How are you liking
the new school?

Yeah, it's great.
Kevin, What are you
doing after--

- Hi, guys.
- [Kevin gasps, whimpers]

Have you found
a student to host?

Two actually.

This is Fitzpatrick
and Nigel.

- [in British accent] Hello.
I'm British.
- And I am Fitzpatrick.

Hey, aren't you
the super mean girl
in all the posters?

That's not me.
I don't have a mustache.

And who are
you guys anyway?

You look familiar.

That's because
we went to
the same school...

Where you were
really mean.

I've never been mean
in my whole entire life.

I mean, let's
go to science, Fred.

Guys, we're
going this way.

But I want
to tell more people
that that girl's mean.

After history class.
Come on.

[both groan]

Hey, Ryan.
Nice bicarbonate foam.

You can
have it, Lauren.

[screams]

Uh...
Talk to you later.

She's looking over here.
Do you think
she's flirting with me?

It's possible.

Maybe now is a good time
to put in that good word
for me.

How about I just
go distract Fred

and you go
talk to her yourself?

Fred. Hey, can I talk
to you for a second
over by the periodic table?

Be right back.

Hey, isn't
science great?

I'm a total
geek for it.

In Science Club,
they call me Test Tube Tony.

What?
Oh, it's 11:45.

I'm in the middle
of a crush storm.
I don't know what to do.

I'll dump it on you,
help me.

Please don't.
You know about
my aversion to--

Being a teen rom-com
side character go-between?

Yeah, but
I'm desperate here.

Please.

Fine. Dump.

Lauren has a crush on me,
Anthony has a crush on her.

He wants me
to put in a good word.

But I have
a mini crush
on Lauren,

though I'm not even
slightly over Hiromi.

Look, just do
the right thing.

Accept that you're
not over Hiromi,

drop your mini crush
on Lauren,

and never put me
in the middle again.

Of course.
Do the right thing.

I'll take your advice
and do everything I can

to get Lauren
to like Anthony
instead of me.

Thanks, Fred.
This is gonna be easy.

I've thought about becoming
a professional scientist.

Or not.

♪ Why does everything
I say ♪

♪ Make her
look at me this way ♪

♪ When everything I do ♪

♪ Is try to make
her fall for you ♪

♪ How come
I just keep winning ♪

♪ When I'm trying
so hard to lose? ♪

♪ I'm a bad wingman ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm trying
to make you shine ♪

♪ But she's always
focused on me, man ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I've never had
this problem before ♪

♪ I swear that
it's not a thing, man ♪

♪ It's a mystery ♪

♪ A conundrum
Like I'm made of honey ♪

♪ And she wants some ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I try to put
the spotlight on you ♪

♪ But I'm a bad wingman ♪

So, how's doing
the right thing going?

It's still
a work in progress.

You collect comic books,
I collect comic books.

- All right!
Lunchtime.
- [laughs]

Bobble me bobbins.
This is a right
nice munchie nook.

Please try not to break
anything this time.

Hey, mean girl,
how's it going for you
at the new school?

It's great,
because I am not
the mean girl

you keep saying I am.

So you're not the Lauren
who gave wedgies to
the entire basketball team?

It was just the starters!

I mean, no,
I am not that Lauren.

I think you guys
should leave.

We're not
going anywhere.

I've got to tell
everyone else the truth

about the meanest girl
in school.

For the last time...

I am not mean!

I am nice!

Believe it or not,
people change.

[both laughing]

[sighs in resignation]

I'm really sorry
for yelling like that,

but I just needed
to be heard.

[laughing]

I heard you, Lauren.

Though you haven't
noticed me since kindergarten,
which is totally cool,

I could tell you were
a kind person underneath all
the mean stuff you were doing.

Thanks, Anthony.

I really needed
to hear that
right now.

This is making me
want to puke!

It's fist-foot time!

O-M-G!
I should have known!

[students screaming]

And that concludes
my hosting duties
for the day.

I'm out of here.

[cell phone buzzing]

Psst. It's Fred.
Trouble at
the high school.

Ms. Jamanpour,
I've got to go...
to the bathroom.

Great.
Now we're trapped.

I can get us
out of here.

But I have to tell you
something first.

I used to be a super villain,
and I did do
a lot of mean things.

Now you know
my secret.

Wow. That is
a surprise and a half.

But honestly,
it's okay with me.

- Really?
- Look how hard you're
working to be good.

That's because
you are good.

Oh! Thank you, Kevin.
That means so much.

Hey, maybe later
we can go out
on a date?

Actually, I still have
feelings for someone,
so I'm not really available.

Oh! That's...
disappointing.

But I understand.

I have a lot to figure out
about my new self anyway.

Now go get 'em,
nice girl.

[Lauren yelling]

[grunting]

[yells]

Tally-h*!

[straining]

[grunting]

Okay, everybody,
stop the food fight.

Oh, it is on!

[Hamster yelling]

[groans softly]

[screaming]

Mmm.
Must not like sausages.

[groans, screams]

Okay, Lyle,
repeat after me.

Lauren is good now.

"Lauren is good now."

I accept
my wonderful sister
for who she is--

I can't remember
that many words.

Thanks for
your help, Destructress.

We'll take these jerks
to jail now.

Awesome.
They're all yours.

- Bye.
- Cheerio, guvness, pip pip.

That's the worst
English accent
I've ever heard.

Thanks again
for standing up
for me, Anthony.

You're a great guy.

- [bell rings]
- Gotta go to French.
See you around.

Au revoir.

Hey, sorry it didn't
work out with Lauren.

Are you kidding me?
She knows my name, dude.

And with my charm
and joie de vivre,
it's just a matter of time.

And they all lived
awkwardly ever after.

Oh, can you
let Hiromi know
that I'd love to--

- Nope.
- Point taken.

[♪ theme music playing]

♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪

♪ It's Hamster ♪

♪ Hamster and Gretel ♪