01x10 - People Just Say Stuff Online

[bunniefuu]

OK, I have the results
from your STD screening.

Do... do the cameras need
to be in here for this?

Oh, well, you signed the waiver
saying you could be filmed,

but I can have them
step out if you prefer.

I mean, it kind of depends on
if it's good news or bad news.

[LAUGHS] Right.

Um, can you guys give us a second?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪

I could order some scans.

Might be a torn meniscus, but I
put my money on osteoarthritis.

Does that mean, like, surgery or...

- No, that's the last resort.
- OK, great.

We'll start you on physical therapy.

Plus, you got to lose some weight.

Uh-huh.

You know, every pound you add
to your body puts four pounds

of pressure on that knee.

- Plus, you'll be healthier.
- Yeah.

- Uh-huh.
- OK.

Well, I'll check in on you later.

Ron? Ron?

What's this I hear about you
body-shaming a patient?

Which patient?

This just came in on our Yelp.

"Got here this morning with knee pain

only to be fat-shamed by Dr. Ron."

Then there's a colon and a slant,

which means he's looking askance.

There's hospital reviews on Yelp?

There's everything reviews
on everywhere.

No, I didn't fat-shame anyone.

I simply told him as a doctor
he should try

and lose weight for his health.

You're making me sound like
I'm some high school mean girl.

You know, I used to get made
fun of for my weight in high school.

It was brutal.

I'm sorry, in what world?

Well, sure, now I'm... [WHISTLES]

This, but I was a real big boy
in my teens, about 350.

- The bullying was relentless.
- That sucks. I'm sorry.

Oh, nah, I'm grateful for it.

Yeah, their taunting motivated me

to lose the weight.

If they hadn't bullied me,
I wouldn't be the healthy,

happy person I am today.

You rarely hear the
pro-bullying side of the case.

Yeah, well, this guy isn't grateful.

In fact, he's very ungrateful.

And his review has dropped
our rating down

to three and a half stars.

That is half a star more
than that McDonald's on Grand.

- Mm, that's a bad McDonald's.
- Oh, gross.

- Probably the worst one.
- I'm scared of that one.

So you need to apologize.

You want me to apologize
for doing my job?

I'm paid to heal bodies, not feelings.

Well, we all get paid
to ensure that our patients

are satisfied,
and three and a half stars

does not sound very satisfied to me.

- We need to aim for four.
- Shouldn't we aim for five?

You are right.

We should sh**t for five
and settle for four.

- Let's do it.
- Makes sense.

I didn't know so many people
wrote hospital reviews.

"St. Denis is da b*mb."

"Came for a stroke,
stayed for the lasagna."

Listen to this.

"Nurse Serena was a total rock star.

She's like the ER Beyoncé."

Wow. Exciting.

Hey, Beyoncé,
do you think you could hand me

those bedpans over there?

Yeah, I'm just searching your name.

Maybe someone calls you the ER Rihanna.

Right, that is definitely
the vibe I give off,

but I could really use
your help with this, so...

Yeah, you're right. Sorry.

What, did you find something about me?

Huh? Oh, not at all.

I mean, it's just that
you're acting kind of

weird all of a sudden, so...

You asked me to help, so I'm helping.

Hey.

"The nurses were all caring
and attentive,

although Nurse Alex was a bit snippy."

It's just one opinion.

Serena, I think I can live
with the knowledge

that throughout the course
of my entire career,

one patient once thought that
I was a little bit snippy.

OK, good.

Just some people
aren't good with criticism.

[SHEET WHOOSHES] Oh.

[SIGHS]

Lost 160 pounds,
all through diet and exercise.

- Crazy.
- It was crazy.

Yeah, but it had to be done.

I was attracting the wrong kind
of attention, you know?

Ah, I know what you mean.

When I went from homeschool
to real school...

This one guy, Danny Fitzgerald,

you heard of him at all?

I just moved to Oregon, so...

Yeah, he did not like
that I existed, not at all.

This guy was brutal.

He had a new nickname for me every week.

[CHUCKLES]

Let's see if I can remember any...

Uh, Blob, Blobber, Fat Boy, Fatty McFat,

Cream Puff, Pop Tart, Dump Truck,

Jiggles, Jabba the Butt. [CHUCKLES]

Actually, this one time,
he got the whole grade

to just stop talking to me
for, like, six months.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Yeah, even the teachers.

And do you know what I'd say
if I ran into him today?

Thank you.

Thank you for making me who I am...

a successful surgeon
and a pretty darn good one.

I got a six-pack going here.

Not a lot of fat on me now, is there?

How about you? How are you doing, Danny?

And look, maybe he's doing great,

but probably not too great.

Unless he's also a doctor, right?

- You think he's a doctor?
- No, I mean, who knows?

You think Danny Fitzgerald is a doctor?

He failed earth science, Matt.

Yeah, no, I mean, he sounds dumb.

Then how is he a doctor?

I mean, think before you speculate.

Jesus.

So we're starting over, total reset.

We're the men in black. Zoop, oop, what?

Where am I? Who are you people?

- Ron, take it away.
- Sure.

I am sorry your feelings were hurt

by my neutral statements of fact.

You know, people can have
a large body type

and still be healthy.

I agree, but your labs
show blood pressure

over 160, cholesterol 306.

Yeah, but those are just numbers, OK?

They're not. They're your vitals.

They don't tell the whole story.

A one is fine, but a nine
is very shapely and has value.

Look, I don't know why
he's getting mad at me.

I'm just trying to give you some advice.

Well, I didn't come here for advice.

- I came to get my knee fixed.
- That's kind of what we do.

Just apologize so we can move on.

Fine. Sure.

I am sorry for trying to keep you alive.

I just have this weird thing
where I prefer

my patients not to be dead,

and I'm sorry for that.

Whew, that felt good.

I should apologize more often.

What are you reading?

Reviews on the hospital.

"Nurse Alex gave me adequate care."

Adequate's good, right?

I mean, it's adequate.

Some dumb troll called me snippy,

and now I'm all in my head about it.

Yeah, and I'm some rude jerk.

I mean, what is with these people?

Right?


we were performing surgery

without anesthesia. I'm just saying.

That we should go back to that?

No, no, I mean, that
we shouldn't have to coddle

- these patients' fragile egos.
- Oh.

- We're great.
- Thank you.

- I mean, you are not rude.
- And you are not shrill.

No, it was snippy, not shrill.

Ah.

What the [BLEEP]?

I don't mind criticism. I like it.

I use it when
it's constructive, you know?

But if you're saying I'm snippy
when I wasn't,

then that's on you.
You know, that's your flaw.

Then I wonder, I don't know,
what's going on with you?

Like, are you in therapy?
Are you working on yourself?

You know?

So the reason I'm calling

is I've been trying
to locate Danny Fitzgerald,

and I've had no luck.

I thought as class president,
you might have some insight.

Danny? Why?

Just want to catch up, yeah,
just, you know,

see how we're both doing,
how he's doing.

I'd see how he's doing,

and then, you know,
I guess it makes sense for me

to tell him how I'm doing.

I haven't heard anything, but there's

an East Adams High
alumni group on Facebook.

I tried that, yeah.

It was the first thing I checked.

- Nothing.
- Oh, then I don't know.

Hey, if you're a doctor,
can I ask you something?

I have this, like, weird pain in my...

- [PHONE BEEPS]
- [SIGHS]

Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny boy.

That is definitely
a sunflower seed in your ear.

- Ugh.
- One option is we remove it.

Or we can go in another direction

and provide it with soil,
water, sunlight, and, uh...

can you excuse me for a minute?

- Can I help you with something?
- No, no.

You're doing great in there,
real good rapport.

I would just lean in.

Joyce, I've been doing my job
for 40 years.

I don't need you hovering around

like some parent at a swim lesson.

Well, I'm just trying to avoid

getting another bad review.

Who cares about reviews?
This is a hospital.

This isn't a Mexican restaurant.

Well, maybe we should treat it

like a Mexican restaurant,
or a French restaurant,

although the French are rude.

I'm not gonna start
treating every patient

like they're some porcelain figurine.

Italian! That's the vibe.

- Fine, we're done here.
- Italian.

Italian.

- It's a different Alex.
- What's a different Alex?

Look, in the employee
directory right here.

Carlson, comma, Alex, RN, geriatrics.

That's the Nurse Alex
they were calling snippy.

Oh. I guess it's possible.

Yeah, it's the only explanation.

- Sure.
- What do you mean sure?

Sure, it's an explanation.

So you agree it's the explanation.

I agree. It's an explanation...

and almost definitely
not the explanation.

My four-year-old nephew thinks
he's Catboy from "PJ Masks."

Like, he is sure... wears the
costume to bed and everything.

Their pediatrician told them
to let him run with it

until he realizes he's wrong.

That's sort of what I'm doing.

They've caught him climbing on the roof

a couple of times, though, so
probably not the best advice.

- Are you sure this is OK?
- It's fine. You'll be great.

It just feels like from a legal
perspective, I could get sued...

Objection sustained, counselor.

- Go to jail.
- Just focus on the call, Matt.

I'm not gonna be good in jail, man.

- I need you, Matt.
- Hello?

- Hi. Is this Danny Fitzgerald?
- Yeah.

I figured, good chance
old Fitzy hadn't moved too far

from home, so I called the neurologist
at Portland General.

She used to have a thing
for me in med school.

Worked her a little.

We're actually having drinks Friday.

She's married, so it feels a tad weird.

Meanwhile, she agreed
to check the records.

Bingo.

Uh, hello, my name is Matthew,

and my last name is not important.

I'm a nurse here at
St. Denis Medical in Merrick,

and I believe you had surgery
on your rotator cuff

at Portland General.

Yeah, last year.

OK, well, we need you
to come to St. Denis

to make something up...

I mean, to make up for range of motion

you may have lost during
your rotator cuff surgery.

He sounds like such a [BLEEP] loser.

- Hey, Joyce.
- Yeah?

Can you help me
with something really quick?

- Sure.
- This is Mr. Valente.

He has acute bronchitis.

Mr. Valente smokes two packs a day,

but I know we're not here to shame him,

so I've been telling him things
like that's awesome,

keep at it, smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Is that OK with you?

Well, no, it's not...

smoking is never, never OK.

But you know what?
Addiction's a disease.

What Joyce is trying to say
is we here at St. Denis

want our patients to be happy,
even if it kills them.

- So...
- Never said that.

- Give us that good review...
- Never said that.

And you can have all
the cigarettes you want.

- Sound good?
- I mean, I guess so.

No, what I was saying
is that here at St. Denis,

we like to build relationships
with our patients

based on empathy and respect, not shame.

- Does that sound good?
- Yeah, that sounds good too.

And where am I to find the time to build

these relationships?

Do you want to grab dinner
tonight, maybe see a show?

I have plans for tonight, but...

Mr. Valente, when somebody shames you,

does it make you want to listen

or does it make you
put your defenses up?

- But it is my obligation...
- Because when you're trying...

To be honest with my patients...

- To change somebody's mind...
- And not fill their brains...

I think it's really best
if you meet them...

- With pop psychology mumbo-jumbo.
- Where they are.

I can cut down on the smoking.

Just be more sensitive, OK?
Is that so hard?

- Just be more sensitive.
- Be more sensitive.

Be more sensitive.

My ex-wife used to say that
all the time.

My kids still say it
to this day, and my sister,

my coworkers, and most of my friends,

pretty much everybody.

Don't know what their problem is.

We don't need to do this.

- I believe you.
- No, you don't.

You still think I'm the snippy one.

Let's just see what this
other Nurse Alex is like, OK?

Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson,
you get one Jell-O.

That should be enough.

Well, I think we found our Nurse Alex.

What's up?

Oh, nothing,
we're just here to see Alex.

Oh, that's me.

One second, Mrs. Seltzer, I brought you

that second blanket
you asked for, but shh,

don't tell anyone, OK?

Nurse Alex seems nice.

Uh, hey, um, Alex, we just wanted

to ask you about a patient
that you might have treated.

Do you remember a Scotty M.?

Scotty M.

What'd he look like?

I'm not sure, but he's
been Yelping since 2009,

and he thinks that the Kohls downtown

- has really gone downhill.
- Well, he's not wrong.

[LAUGHTER]

It's so true.

Yeah, we were just wondering,

because he wrote a review
of the hospital

- where he called you snippy.
- What?

Well, we don't know it was you.

It could have been a different Alex.

Oh, but there's only
so many Alexes, so...

well, we're pretty sure it was you.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, that's awful.

I feel like a monster.

Oh, well, it's not that big a deal.

I mean, you're not
in trouble or anything.

Well, I'm not worried
about being in trouble.

I just can't ever imagine
treating a patient like that.

Wow. Oh, wait.

- Are you sure it was me?
- Not at all.

Pretty sure.

Because I only treat
the elderly, and this guy,

he's reviewed a lot
of cannabis dispensaries...

One, two...

OK, well, if you're saying
that you don't think that

an elderly person can enjoy the
occasional "dank-a*s sativa,"

that's a really ugly stereotype, Alex.

How's this?

Too veiny or just veiny enough?

- Mm, it's perfect.
- Great.

Man, I cannot wait to
watch you beat this guy's a*s.

No, Matt, what?

- That's not the plan.
- Oh.

Sorry, I thought
that's why you organized

this whole... you know what? Forget it.

- I hope he's doing really well.
- That's even worse.

What, did you say that just to hurt me?

Could you maybe just tell me
how I'm supposed to feel?

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Yes, they named me Surgeon of the Year.

- Who cares?
- Oh.

Danny?

Danny Fitzgerald, East Adams High?

Sorry, this guy was just asking me about

winning Surgeon of the Year again.

Anyway, Bruce Schweiz.

- Can you...
- Yeah.

Can you believe it?

- How you doing, Bruce?
- Yeah, real, real good.

- You're looking good.
- Oh, thanks.

Matt.

I think it's going really well,
or possibly really badly.

It's tough to say since I don't
know what Bruce is hoping for,

but I'm just happy to help.

Or possibly hurt.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I've always considered
myself an empathetic person,

but do other people think
I'm empathetic?

I don't know how other people feel.

Never really cared.

Dr. Ron, um, can I speak with you

privately for a moment?

Sure, but let me just first say

that I know that I can come off
as insensitive sometimes,

and when you have tried
to helpfully point that out,

I have responded in a way

that was passive-aggressive and smug,

and I am sorry for that.

Oh.

I... I had some thoughts that
I wanted to share with you,

but it sounds like you...

You want to run through it anyway?

I would love that, thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Communication is an evolving challenge

between physician and administrator.

You know, it's not like, you know,

snapping at a patient,
like, one time would mean

you were a bad nurse.

Well, it's just unprofessional.

I mean, our number one job
with patients is to be patient.

Ah, that's probably
where the word comes from.

Anyway, thank you
for sharing your wisdom.

OK, but... but anybody can get angry.

What if... what if somebody was, um,

you know, ordering you around
like the help?

You know, a patient was like, "Hey,

yeah, get me a sandwich,
fluff my pillow!"

You know, then what would you do?

I'd get them a sandwich
and I would fluff their pillow.

- Yeah, OK.
- You're being a little extra.

OK, what if a patient
threatened you, OK?

What if they got up in your
face and they screamed, "Alex!

"I'm gonna come to your house!
I know where you live!

I'm gonna k*ll your dog, Nurse Alex!"

Maybe not exactly that,
but something like that.

You know what? Who cares?

You're a way better nurse
than Nice Alex.

Thank you. Yeah.

Maybe we could not call him
Nice Alex, though.

People just say stuff online.
It doesn't mean anything.

Like, I don't think
I'm actually the ER Beyoncé.

Right. Of course not. I know.

What does that mean?

No, I'm just agreeing with you.

So who's the ER Beyoncé if it's not me?

Nobody. That's not even...

You think it's you?

Because it's definitely not you.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

So he told me to come here, even though

it's not where I had surgery.

Yeah, they do that sometimes.
I'm sure it's fine.

Hey, remember sophomore year gym class?

You thought it'd be funny...

It just... it doesn't end
with this thing.

- What's that?
- Ah, it's just at first, it just hurt.

Then it got so bad
I couldn't pick up my kids.

It was humiliating.

Uh-huh, but then
it got fixed, so I didn't...

I mean, it kind of got fixed, but then

I got a taste of those
pain meds you guys give out.

Hit those a little too hard. [CHUCKLES]

Right.

Now my kids, they live with
their mom up in Vancouver,

so not many chances
to pick them up anyway.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

OK, here are your meds.

Stella, no, I already gave him those.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound...

listen, I will admit,
and Stella can attest

to this fact, that there are times

that I might come off in a way

that could be perceived as snippy.

All right?

But, I mean, who doesn't
have times like that,

right, Stella?

But I don't think that
one moment should define us,

you know?

Like, OK, my cousin and his fiancée

met Tom Hanks once, and they asked him

for a picture, and he snapped at them

and told them to back off.
And that is Tom Hanks, so...

Really? I love Tom Hanks.

I know.

I mean, he did come back later
and apologize

and take a bunch of selfies,
and he sent them

an autographed copy of
"Polar Express," but you know.

Hey, bud, how are you doing?

Not great.

Listen, I would like
to apologize for real.

This job can make you rough
around the edges,

and my edges weren't
that soft to begin with.

But, look, body type is mostly genetics,

and losing weight is hard. I know.

I've been trying to lose
ten pounds since the '90s.

I got fat on me that doesn't
even know about the internet.

Phil? Phil?

Phil? [MONITORS BEEPING]

We got a code blue! Cardiac!

Then, when he was filming "Sully,"

he invited them to set,
and he gave them a tour.

He still sends them Christmas cards.

- And then when...
- Code blue.

Code blue. [ALARM BLARING]

Uh, get a liter going with his meds.

I'm not... I'm not...
I'm not being snippy, OK?

I'm just reacting to
the urgency of the situ...

you get it. You get it.

The meds, though.

It was so early for Alzheimer's,

we didn't test, and there I am,

yelling at her for acting weird.

- My own mom.
- Right.

Ooh, well, and sorry
about the false alarm.

It was really good
running into you again.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Yeah. OK.

- High school, huh? Oh, man.
- Oh, yeah.

You know, I think that was
the last time that I felt OK.

I didn't have this giant
crushing weight on top of me,

- like, all the time.
- Mm-hmm.

Less weight, yeah.
Well, I should probably...

I mean, not like you, you know?

Your life just keeps getting
better and better and better.

Nope, it's fine. Come on.

- It's fine.
- Fine?

- It's more than fine.
- It's really not.

You made it. You're a rich surgeon.

I do OK, really,
you know, low six figures,

lower than you'd think.

I bet you're married
to a knockout, though?

- Nope, I'm single.
- Oh, then you crush it.

Oh, yes, you do,
because you got the job.

- You got the looks.
- Really.

You got the hair.

I mean, look at... look at your hair.

- No.
- And look at me.

- Come on.
- Look at me.

- Look at, your hair is flawless.
- My hair is falling out, OK?

- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.

I have to take a pill every day.

And that stuff has side effects, man.

You know, and sometimes I can't...

I can't get it up.

Or I can, and it's...
but it's not... it's, you know,

it's not strong. It's not strong enough.

It's not as strong as it should be.

And multiple women have told me that.

Yikes. Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I mean, no, I'm gonna go.

Better than being too strong.

That can sometimes,
you know, work against you.

Today, I saw a patient who needed

a different kind of care.

Danny was broken inside,
and I put him back together

by making up some lies about...

my God, I don't even know what I said...

a noun here, a verb there.

It was all nonsense. [LAUGHTER]

Yeah, I was just pulling stuff
out of nowhere,

telling him what he needed to hear.

Yeah, no, everything's great down there.

Tip-top.

You know, we're always
reminding ourselves

that our patients are people on
what could be their worst days.

They have all these pressures and fears

and challenges that we need
to be sensitive to,

but it's also important
to remember that we're people.

You know, we have hard days too.

- We mess up.
- Yeah.

Sometimes we need to do better.

But sometimes we need
to acknowledge that we're

doing the best we can.

And that's all we can do.

And that applies
to everybody, even Tom Hanks.

What?

You know, here at St. Denis,
we don't just provide care.

We care about our work,
about each other.

And that's what's important,
not a review on the... oh,

we're back at 3.6.

Jessica P. writes, "I was feeling low,

"and the staff took amazing care of me.

The Moons Over My Hammy was
the best it's ever been."

OK, so that is not for St. Denis.

It's for Denny's.

[CLEARS THROAT]

That happens more than it should.