01x04 - The Emperor's New Clothes

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

it was a splendid day for everyone on

the black pig when they stumbled upon

one of the emperor of china's ships

heaped to the gunnels with priceless

chinese treasure

captain bagwash was particularly pleased

that he had beaten cutthroat jake to the

catch

by a whisker

certainly we're a stroke of lock

stroke of luck luck doesn't enter into

it what enters into it is skill

skill skill top hell captaincy shrewd

judgement oh that no toppo captaincy

great seamanship courage and uh little

captains here captain right right mr

mate which is why i have all the chinese

emperor's loot

and i have none because you are a nerdy

well sniveling bunch of drunken lazy

good for nothings what are you

doing

good for life

but i managed to salvage a box of silken

thread off the emperor's ship i

have a plan

and sober hearties all this priceless

chinese treasure is mine

ours

what on earth was that it's a chinese

firecracker captain got me straight in

the face really how many times you've

instructed you not to play with

i don't rightly remember her three or

four times or i could even stop

twittering willy tab open that chest aye

aye captain tuna

what are you up to tai chi hey big girl

pop chinese exercise

i am circulating the energy of the

universe through mind and body will stop

circulating and assist torment is hindus

oh hank pull yourself together will you

he's really a dragon look at this

captain jackaling chopsticks well well

if it isn't the emperor's new clothes

these are worth an absolute fortune

full sail back to portobello behind

bookwash will be in his way there and

he'll have to pass through the skinny to

me straight which is where

we'll set

oh boy and we'll capture the treasure

and see our pugwash and his sniveling

shipmates for good and all yeah

what's that wonk winner chop chop snip

to it joona enough of all these horiel

hair rubiks prepare to greet the captain

and where is the captain eh taking a

little napa the captain al evil is

dressing for dinner

my heart is

tonight we shall feast a like our mighty

ma of ming

the great

of what

meanwhile cutthroat jake's motley crew

were spinning their deadly trap from

strongest chinese thread

so

good will come of it mark my words

remember the old old saying it what old

old saying whoever touches the treasure

of the emperor of china will be hunted

down forever by the great chinese sea

dragon monster puppy car oh heck

i hadn't heard that one stuff and

nonsense a dragon did you say oh yes a

bad bird fire breathing dragon huh

you know what i mean prawn cr*cker

captain ah

don't mind if i do

so the web is woven

[Laughter]

crap oh yeah ripper no

i'll take control of that there

lighthouse and at the approach of the

black pig i'll plunge the straight into

darkness sunset straight straight into

the darkness i got all plunged in the

dark

yeah as soon as a black pig gets tangled

up in the web you'll leap aboard and

capture the ship

yeah

my great great great granddad obadiah

once stole a pancake roll from the

emperor of chinese oh were it nice no

he had his whole insides burnt to a

crispy buy a pancake rock no

by the great fire-breathing chinese sea

dragon monster mind you spicy food

doesn't agree with me that gives me

terrible stop wittering willie

let's go above for some air

we should be nearing the skinny dippy

street anytime now should we not but we

should captain his hole insides burned

to a crisp huh

all cuz he stole a pancake roar

[Music]

you so dark i know like the dark you

should eat more carrots

there's only one thing that bothers me

you've been the old story

i mean the old old story in a black old

story whoever touches the emperor of

china's treasure gets hunted down

forever by the great chinese sea dragon

monster

[Music]

so now

you will bow

to the mighty man of ming the great

empire

[Laughter]

having had so much fun in yes

come on now nice and low put your backs

into it

no no no really you've got two left feet

however

captain

i can't see the skinny dippy lighthouse

of course you can't it's pitch black out

there but captain about

but captain look i said no bugs tom

[Music]

[Applause]

[Laughter]

oh no

like the lanterns you plundering

buffoons

oh where are they

niggling noodles they think i'm the

emperor so the emperor i must be

[Music]

you know what fate befall anyone who

messes with the mighty man of ming the

great emperor of china

and what

prey would be the name of his excellency

ship the great emperor of china

the name of his excellencies ship is the

great emperor

ah

[Music]

[Laughter]

[Applause]

[Music]

for all your work jonah it's our only

chance no good will come of it my

words

three cheers for the mighty bed of ming

showers your noodles

then we can seize the black pig

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

not that way willy not what way

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

after all if i hadn't thought of that

cunning plan of disguising myself as the

great emperor of china

all would have been lost as it is all

this is

mine

tom carefully folded away the great

chinese sea dragon monster and said

nothing

[Music]

you