02x03 - Simon the Superb/The Sub

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Watch out, 'cause here we come ♪

♪ It's been a while,
but we're back with style ♪

♪ So get set to have some fun ♪

♪ We'll bring you action
and satisfaction ♪

♪ We're the Chipmunks ♪

♪ Alvin, Simon, Theodore ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

Oh! Race you to the bus stop!

Oh, Theodore.

I won't be taking the bus anymore.
That's for kids.

But how are you gonna get to school?

h*, h*, h*! In my car, of course.

Besides, driving my own car
will impress Chloe.

You know Chloe. Cheerleading captain,

who just happens to be having
a pool party this weekend.

Yeah, 'cause, you know,
nothing impresses a cheerleading captain

like a little, tiny, kiddie, toy car.

It's not a toy, Simon.

It does everything, and I mean everything,
a real car does.

Hey! Is this your car?

Well, hello, officer.
Oh, she's a beauty ain't she?

But I'm afraid she's one of a kind.

Well, I'm afraid I'll have to impound it.

Impound my car?
Simon, what does impound mean?

It means he wants to take it away.

Hey, I didn't say I want to.
Don't put words in my mouth.

OK? You haven't given me a choice!

Do you know how many tickets
this car has racked up?

Oh. Is that what these are?

-Oops.
-Look, when you pay the fine,

-you can pick up your car.
-No, no, no, officer.

This isn't even a real car!
You know, it's a little toy.

You know, it's a kiddie kinda...
Simon, tell him.

[nervous laugh]

This means you're taking
the bus to school. Yay!

Absolutely not, Alvin.

Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave.
Look... look how sad I am.

Dave, Dave, look.
These are tears, real tears.

You have to pay the fine!

I'll be like a thousand years old
before I can pay it off!

I'm not paying your fine.

Now, if you want to do extra work...

Extra work?

Or volunteer somewhere,
we could discuss it further.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Those are my options?

Yes.

[school bell rings]

-[yawns]
-[gasps]

h*, h*! Simon, here we go!

The school is looking for a volunteer

to help teach four songs for music class.

See Miss Smith for details.

- h*, h*! Problem solved.
- No.

Don't tell me
the position's already filled?

-No.
-No? Ah! So then the position--

Look, Alvin, I have to be honest.

I look at you
and I just don't see teacher material.

Oh, wait, Miss Smith,

you're talking
about the obnoxious student Alvin.

You know,
the troublemaker that just won't listen.

But... but I'm talking about
the helpful Alvin.

You know, the quiet volunteer

who will do anything
to make your life easier.

-No.
-Oh, please, Miss Smith.

I mean, music. This is what I do.

It's the only thing I'm good at.

Well, besides basketball.

Well, there's soccer too.
I'm pretty great there.

Oh, gosh, don't forget football.
Oh, oh... I'm kinda phenomenal

at catching grapes in my mouth.
Don't wanna forget that...

Oh, all right! I'll give you a chance.

But only because
no one else has volunteered.

Hey, Chloe!

Chloe, I spoke to my dad

and he said I can come to your pool party.

This is awkward,
but, um, no teachers are allowed.

Teacher? I'm not a...
Oh, oh, well, right, that.

-But not on the weekend.
-Yeah, I still don't think so.

[brouhaha]

All right, students, students,
settle down. Eyes up front.

We've got a big week ahead.
We've got to learn four songs--

Ow! Who threw that?

Oh, right, right.

Of course you won't tell a teacher
who did that.

So, let's talk about music, shall we?

-What?
-[laughter]

Ugh, that doesn't even look like me.

Whoa!

[laughter]

Hey! All right, all right. You know what?

Just, you know, giggle amongst yourselves.

I'll be having
a teacher-student conference.

They hate me!

Alvin, these aren't
your classmates anymore.

They're like primal animals,
and, well, you're their prey.

What? No, no. No, no.
Simon, I'm the cool guy!

[animal roars]

Oh!

I'll be right back.

h*, h*! Happy Birthday, Chloe!

-Cool!
-Happy birthday!

-What are you doing?
-I'm feeding the animals.

I picked up on your idea
and I'm gonna run with it.

No, no, no, no. Don't run with it.

That's not my idea at all.
You've got totally...

-Class party!
-[cheering]

[♪♪♪]

[all] Yeah!

♪ Let's go party and have some fun ♪

♪ No more rules for anyone ♪

♪ We'll do whatever we want all day ♪

♪ No more school ♪

♪ Everybody let's go party ♪

♪ Does anybody wanna work? ♪

♪ I think we wanna just play all day ♪

♪ Everybody here is free ♪

♪ To be as wild as they want to be ♪

♪ We feel so good when we ♪

♪ Don't have to do whatever we're told ♪

♪ Time to be young,
no time to be old ♪

♪ We were born,
born to be wild and free ♪

♪ Let's go play and let's go party ♪

♪ No more school ♪

♪ Everybody, let's go party ♪

Um, um, you know,
I hate to be the party pooper,

but, um, aren't we supposed
to be learning about the C scale?

Uh-huh. Well, why don't you
see yourself to detention?

[laughter]

Why are you sending me to detention?

Excuse me, young man,

but are you questioning
my teaching methods?

No, I'm not, because you don't have
any teaching methods.

We haven't learned a thing!

Well, I'm sorry to hear that, son,

because you have left me no choice.

-I'll have to call your father.
-What?

Thank you for coming in,
Mister Saville, is it?

Sevi? Sivilie?

Alvin, aren't you taking this
a little too far?

[chuckles] Well, I can see
you know very little about teaching.

But, um, I'm afraid your son...
Let me see his name, Simon, yes.

Well, Simon has been refusing
to participate in class.

Is there something wrong at home?

Oh.

Now, I see here
that you have three children

and that you're not very nice
to the middle one.

I think that was very beneficial.

Thank you again for coming, Mr Seville.

-Do you need a ride home?
-Yes.

Hey, Simon, want to crush
some goblins together?

Oh, I wish I could, Alvin,

but my teacher, you,
gave me a punishment.

[chuckles] I have to write
"I will participate in class"

a thousand times!

Hmm! Fine.

[Tannoy] Alvin.
Uh, excuse me, Professor Alvin,

please report to
the second umbrella in the quad.

So, like, if you're facing
the front of the school,

it's on your left.

OK. I see you. Keep walking.
Keep walking, please.

Approximately ten, nine, eight feet.

Ugh! What is it?

Officer Dangus wants to see you
at the front of the school.

Then why did you have me
come all the way out here?

[laughs] I'm testing out my new PA system.

It sounds good, doesn't it?

[groans]

[gasps] Oh, my car!

-Not so fast, buddy boy.
-What's the problem?

Why did you bring my car
if I can't have it?

My nephew is in your class

and he's told me you've done nothing.

If you don't teach him something,

you'll never see this car again.
Is that clear?

-But they won't listen!
-I'm hearing a lot of excuses,

and all I asked was if I was clear!

Absolutely. I won't let you down.

All right, everybody.
No more Mr Nice Guy. Nope.

Playtime is over.

Huh?

Oh, come on, guys! Throw me a bone!

I have only, like, a few days
to teach you how to play music!

That's what we're all here for, right?

Yeah, but you stink as a teacher.

All right, good point. You're right.

But, in all fairness,
you stink as students,

so let's work together, huh?

One stinky teacher
along with a bunch of stinky students.

[yawns]

I'll take that silence
as a resounding, excited "yes".

So, this is a C chord.

-You guys ready?
-Uh, no. Not really.

-Nope.
-Oh, we're sunk!

-Help has arrived.
-ALVIN: Thanks for coming, guys!

All right, everyone, now remember,

play proud, play focused,
but, most importantly, play low.

The quieter the better.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much
for coming tonight.

You know, I'm very proud
of my young students up here

and I believe after they perform
their song, you will be too.

Yeah, he only taught us one song.

Guys, don't expect much, OK?
It's literally just one song.

All right, guys. Not important.

So! So, without further ado,
guys, take it away!

[♪♪♪]

♪ I got a song in my heart ♪

-♪ I got music and rhythm ♪
-[loud trumpet blast]

♪ I'll sing forever and then some ♪

♪ I got melody and I got harmony ♪

-♪ I got a song in my heart ♪
-[off-key chorus]

♪ I know that I'll never lose it ♪

♪ 'Cause everywhere I hear music ♪

♪ And that's precisely
how life ought to be ♪

[faint applause]

So, did you get your car back?

I got a wheel. All that work for a wheel!

-Can... can you believe it?
-Yeah, yeah. I actually can.

So, how are you going to get
the rest of your car?

[sighs] I'm extending the music class

until they learn how to play four songs.

But, you know, but...
this experience has taught me

that one must take a firmer approach
with one's students.

DAVE: Alvin! There are some kids
here to see you!

They say you're having a party?

Party? No, Dave!
It's more like a student study session.

Mmm-hmm.
Taking a firm approach, huh?

-I'll be right down.
-[doorbell rings]

Alvin!

SIMON: Imagine
that you have been teleported

to a world of wonder and science.

-SIMON: Imagine--
-BRITTANY: Come on!

-BRITTANY: Just get to it already!
-SIMON: I will. I'm just setting the mood.

BRITTANY: No,
you're putting the audience to sleep.

Hazza!

I had a great introductory line

that doesn't make any sense now
that I, you know,

-cut the whole beginning!
-BRITTANY: Just introduce me.

Ta-dah!

Uh, wait. What are we doing here?

-I'm performing my magic show!
-We don't have an audience!

-Hey! Don't I count?
-No.

Well, I thought it looked amazing.

Yeah. Don't care.
Simon, look. I love performing,

but the main part of performing
is that it's for people.

Oh, there's just got to be a way
to get everyone's attention.

[commotion and cheering]

Yeah! Do it!

Thought of skateboarding
while you perform your magic?

It's not the skateboard, it's Alvin.

He loves the spotlight.
He's a natural performer.

Well, I see you're still trying to make
your "Science is Tragic" show happen.

It's called "Science is Magic". M not T.

Well, based on your crowd, it's tragic.

Oh, you think you could do better?

With one hand tied behind my back.

Tragic. I'll show him. I can't believe...

-Halt!
-Aah!

Miss Croner, I wasn't going
anywhere near your flowers.

No, no. I need you to buy something.

I'm having a sidewalk sale, you see?

Oh. Um... No, thanks.

No! You have to buy it.
The book told me so.

This book belonged
to the greatest magician who ever lived!

This book will unlock the door
to a magical world,

giving you the powers
of the greatest sorcerer of all time!

Oh, darn it! I only have two dollars.

-Oh, well, I guess...
-Sold!

Wow! Who did you say it belonged to?

[gasps] Miss Croner?

ALVIN: [chuckles] Is this your card?

-What?
-No way!

Wow, Alvin. I'm impressed.

Why are you impressed? What's going on?

Oh, nothing really.
Just performing a little magic trick.

What? Magic is my thing!

-No. Science is your thing.
-I can have two things.

Magic and science.

And, by the way,
you can't do either of them.

[chuckles] Oh, Simon.

Obviously your crystal ball
is a little hazy,

because yours truly
has been given the gift of magic

and I'm going to share it with the world.

Wait, wait. What is that?

Simon, we magicians never tell.

Give me that book!

Let... it... go!

-Never!
-Give it to me!

ALVIN: No!

SIMON: Alvin, I want that book!

[yawns]

"Science is Magic"
will start in three minutes.

Tickets sold here.

-Tickets to the magic show, uh, free!
-Just ignore him.

Hello?

Oh, oh! Miss Miller?
Hey, hey! It's me, Simon!

Hey, care to see a magic show?

I don't care to, no.

Oh, but aren't you a doll for offering!

OK...

Oh, Kevin, Kevin!
Hey, have you seen Brittany?

Sorry, no time to talk!
Alvin's show is about to start!

-Ow.
-Wait, wait.

Uh, Alvin's show?

ALVIN: Mystery! Intrigue!

Alvin...

-Ta-dah!
-[cheering]

And let's give it up
for my lovely assistant!

What?

For my first act, I will--

Oh, oh, yeah. For your first act,

how about explaining why you stole mine!

Is this part of the show?

And, Brittany, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm sorry, Simon.

It's just that Alvin has, uh, an audience.

h*, h*! You want an audience?

What do you think you're doing?

I'm calling you out!

I challenge you to a magician's duel!

[cheering]

Oh, yes, this is awesome! Duel! Duel!

AUDIENCE: Duel! Duel! Duel!

-What? Now?
-No, not now.

Let's say, you know, next week.

Yes, yes, I agree. Next week.

Then you won't mind a little wager?

AUDIENCE: Wooh!

Whoever loses
will never perform magic again.

KEVIN: Agreed!

Will you stop putting words in my mouth?

[cheering]

You know what? Fine. I agree.

AUDIENCE: Wooh!

Until then...

[coughs]

I'm used to the [coughs]
trap door being over here.

Sorry. Just ignore me. [coughs]

[♪♪♪]

♪ In the blink of an eye ♪

♪ You will see,
but you won't believe ♪

♪ Everything that you know,
is it ever what it seems? ♪

♪ Something taking me over ♪

♪ Something taking me over ♪

♪ Sweet dreams ♪

♪ All of your tricks buried
deep in the dark ♪

♪ The lights and the smoke
will set the mood ♪

♪ I swear I can feel
every beat of your heart ♪

♪ The crowd hanging on
your every move ♪

♪ Show me all of your tricks ♪

♪ You are so fantastic ♪

♪ You can set the mood, yeah ♪

♪ You will never lose, yeah ♪

No. No, no. Ah...

ALVIN: OK, Brittany. Just remember,

bring that old razzle dazzle.

'Cause, no offence,
but your showmanship...

-it's been pretty boring.
-OK...

-How is that not offensive?
-Oh, is this a bad time?

-I hope I'm not interrupting.
-What do you want?

Here to take your assistant back?

Of course not.

I simply wanted to make sure
that, whatever happens,

there will be no hard feelings.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...

Drum roll, please.

h*, h*! It's show time!

The rules for tonight are simple.

One...

The rules for tonight are simple.

One magician performs,
um... one at a time.

So, whoever starts,
then the other guy will start,

and then you guys choose
who you think is the best.

So, without further ado,

may I introduce to you...

the great Alvini!

[cheering]

KEVIN: We love you, Alvin!

And now please welcome
the other guy, Simoni!

It's Simon! Just Simon!

Oh, OK. Just Simon.

Let the games begin!

[cheering]

AUDIENCE: [gasps]

It seems your trick is a bit stunted.

AUDIENCE: Wow!

Yes, it was stunted,

but only because
I have something up my sleeve!

[chuckles] Like this?

Ha, ha. I got it. You want a show?

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

Hey, hey! If you're not going
to be nice, just fly away.

Ha, ha! Excellent advice.

Perhaps you should follow it!

Whoa!

How about going for a little spin?

What do you say?

-Put me down!
-I will put you down, Alvin,

but not before we make sure

there are no strings involved
in this trick.

-What are you doing?
-Oh, nothing.

Just working on my showmanship.

Ooh!

[laughter]

-I think we have a winner!
-Whoa!

AUDIENCE: Simon! Simon! Simon!

All right, Simon, I admit it.
You're the better magician.

You're amazing!
You're a gift to mankind, OK?

But, please, just tell me how you did it!

I have to know!

Well, Alvin, as you yourself said,

a magician never tells.

[gasps] What... He's... He's...

-Simon, wake up!
-What... huh?

I need you to get up and use your magic.

Magic? What are you talking about?

Well, turns out people will pay you

to use your magic to help them do things!

I got a whole group outside waiting!

-Alvin, I can't do that.
-Sure you can!

I already have most
of the requests written out.

They're right here. Let's see.

Patrick wants you to make his brother--

OK, Alvin, OK.
This has gone far enough now.

All right? OK, look. I just tricked you.

-I don't have any magic powers.
-Well, that's no...

-What?
-Well, look.

When you insulted me and my "tragic" show,

I wanted to get back at you and, you know,

I figured I could build up
an audience at the same time.

First, I made the sorcerer's book

to teach you some easy magic tricks

that I knew I could beat in our duel.

Then, I staged the sale

and brought Miss Croner in on it as well.

Oh, trick your brother Albert?
I'm in!

Once you had the magic book,
I told Brittany to join you

so that I would have someone
on the inside.

She was very cleverly able
to slip magnets into your outfit

without you feeling it.

And Kevin helped me with the levitation.

Trick Alvin? I'm in! I'm so in!

And the rest, if I do say so myself,
played out perfectly.

You're not magic?
What do you think I am, a fool?

There's no way
you could've planned all that!

I can't believe you made up
this whole crazy story

just to avoid helping people
with your magic!

All right, now. Now, listen.
I'm not magic.

Simon, sorry,
I don't want to hear any more.

Now, let's get down there,
with your magic,

and help levitate
Miss Croner's cat off the roof.

Alvin!

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo doo, doo-doo-doo-doo ♪