♪
Gordon Rogers: In order to
understand how we got here,
you have to first understand
the circumstance.
Man is not created equal.
Some of us are forced
to claw our way
out of the lowest rungs
of society.
- Mother: Sky. - Son: Sky.
- Mother: Pajaros, bird.
- Son: Bird.
Mother: Sí.
Gordon: But that doesn't mean
we're loved any less.
My mother, she loved me
so much.
She had me believing I might
actually be one of them.
A perfect husband
with a perfect family
and a perfect house with a car
and a newspaper subscription.
My mother gave me the courage
to claw my way
out of those depths.
[reading in Spanish]
Gordon: Didn't matter
who I was.
She made me believe I was
destined for greatness.
- Claro, pero mas verde. - [laughs]
- [insects buzz and chirp] - ♪
- [insects buzz and chirp] - ♪
[mother screams]
[mother panting]
- Officer 1: Papers.
- Mother: Sí, sí.
Officer 1: Papers,
you got papers?
Mother: Sí, sí,
paper, paper.
[insects buzz and chirp]
- Mama!
- Mijo.
Officer 1: You're only off
by about five years.
♪
No, no, no.
- Take the boy.
- No, no, no.
[boy screams]
Mama!
[speaking Spanish]
[mother sobbing]
Gordon: That was the last time
I ever saw my mother.
[mother sobbing]
♪
♪
Cual es tu nombre?
♪
Officer 2: Hey, hello?
Name?
Officer 1: Mom back there called him Gordy or something.
Maybe his name's Gordon.
Officer 2: Gordon?
- That's a nice American name.
- [chuckles]
Officer 1: Now we're gonna
find him a nice American family.
Gordon: My name
would be Gordon.
Gordon Rogers.
Hola, cóma estás, Señor Rogers?
We speak English here
in America.
Next time I see youon the streets,
I'm gonna have you
f*cking deported.
--f*cking deported.
Gordon: And my mission?
g*dd*mn American greatness.
[buzzing]
"High Ball Stepper"
by Jack White ♪
♪
♪
♪
♪
We here at GTT Incorporated
believe that the customer
is most important--well,
that and the aliens.
Thank you.
If you have any questions,
any questions at all,
feel free to swing on by,
as long as you have
a nickel.
Actually, I do have one
silly question, really.
Ma'am, pretty lady
such as yourself,
ask me two questions.
[car idles]
Just curious, you're from
around here, yes?
Why, yes, ma'am, I was
born and raised
not a stone's throw
from this here plot.
But my enterprise,
my tours,
we span the entire
state of Connecticut.
I have four boys
working these parts.
You don't by any chance
happen to know of an
Edward Boon, do you?
An Edward Boon?
Mabel Rogers: Yes, yes,
do you?
He's my uncle, and we--
--we lost contact
a long time ago.
I don't--I don't come by
Southbury often.
No, I don't recall, um,
ever crossing paths
with a--with a Boon,
I'm sorry.
That's all right.
Thank you so much
for everything.
Well, all right, then.
♪
Gordon: Truth is,
Edward Boon
was nothing more
than a local drunk.
Boon.
I told you I'd drop off
the whiskey.
Yeah, well, I'm out now.
♪
Gordon: He would
constantly threaten
to have the Suttons
deported--
--despite Gilberto's
reminders.
You know I'm not
an ill*gal, right?
I was born a stone's throw
in Waterbury.
♪
Pleasure.
Gordon: He was just
a crop duster by trade.
♪
Gordon: A nobody.
♪
But he was her last resort.
[car approaching]
[crickets chirping]
Mabel: Excuse me.
Sorry, sir.
I'm trying to find my way
back to Mystic.
You wouldn't happen
to know the way?
Man: Keep to the left.
You'll be all right.
Mabel: Wonderful.
Thanks a bunch.
Man on radio:--badge and
have this secret decoder.
Following each week's
adventure, I'll send--
Man on radio:--far west in Missoula, Montana,
Ike and Interior Secretary
McKay are welcomed
by Governor Harrison.
President taking the stump, calls for the election of
Republican Congress
in November,
to make certain that his
legislative program
is carried forward.
♪
Man on radio: An Ike rally
at the Hollywood Bowl
highlights the
California phase
of President Eisenhower's
three-day, four-state--
[crickets chirping]
Mabel: sh*t.
[door opens, creaks,
and slams]
- Mabel: Gordo. - [door slams shut]
We weren't expecting you back until 10 or 11.
I would have prepared
a lamb chop.
I was planning on
preparing a lamb chop,
but I didn't expect you
back until 11:00.
[coin spinning]
Darn Mrs. Anderson, she had
her hair appointment,
and I--I forgot,
of course.
Then she called,
and you know how she is
with her chronic anxiety.
It's silly, really, because
you weren't even late.
Gordon: You weren't
at Mrs. Anderson's.
I called Anderson's,
that was my first call.
My second, third, fourth, and fifth calls were to hospitals.
And then I go and ask Abbie,
and she said she didn't know
where you'd gone
because you didn't tell her.
Mabelline, how do you
think that looks, huh?
My car is sitting
in the driveway
and my wife's car is
nowhere to be found?
I mean, how does that
look on me?
[coin spinning]
Just tell me where you were.
[Mabelline sighs]
No, no, just--just--just
tell me where you were.
Okay, then come here, come here.
Come here.
Come here, come--come here.
Come here.
Let's see if some other guy
shot a b*llet in my wife.
Maybe that's where
you were, huh?
- Maybe that's where you were.
- Gordo, stop it.
Abbie: Hello?
[Gordon chuckles]
Come here, come here,
come here, come on.
What, are you thirsty?
- You want some water?
- Yes, please.
Come on, come on,
get her a glass of water.
[crickets chirping]
Gordon: You do your
homework, all of it?
- Abbie: All of it.
- Gordon: Oh, good, good.
[water running]
[footsteps]
Thank you.
Gordon: There, there,
there you go.
All right, go on back
to your room.
She wasn't off doing what you think she was doing.
Excuse me?
Abbie: I said she wasn't
off with some Tommy
doing what you think
she was doing.
And how would you know
anything about that?
Well, she loves you
very much,
and I believe there's
a birthday coming up.
Oh yeah, whose birthday?
Well, your birthday--Daddy.
[crickets chirping]
- You shouldn't--
- Mabelline, is that true?
You were off on errands
for my birthday?
I mean, you can check the car.
Surely you'll find some
supplies, ribbons and such.
It would be a shame to ruin
such a thoughtful thing,
though, right?
Gordon: Yeah, well, my
birthday's not till next month.
It's not often you're away from
the house on the weekend.
[crickets chirping]
So--so you were in on this
from the start?
Abbie: Well, of course.
Mabel: Don't blame Abbie
for not letting on.
I--she--I asked her to
keep it a secret.
[crickets chirping]
I come home into my house
and you ladies are
conspiring against me.
No no no, that's
not--that's not--
family doesn't do that.
Families don't do that
to each other.
If my mother would have
been here,
she would have been appalled.
And my mother was a great
woman, a great woman.
But my mother had
this--this great saying.
Earn the respect
of the family
and only then can you earn
the respect of the world.
- [chuckles]
- ♪
- How about that--huh?
- ♪
Oh, there it is.
Abigail, now it's time for me to earn your respect.
♪
So get on your knees.
♪
Come on, help her on down,
Mabelline, help her down.
♪
This is for your own good.
This is for your development
as a young lady.
So on your knees.
On your knees or
I will send you back.
I will send you
right back tonight.
- I'll help you down. - No.
Don't touch me.
♪
♪
Now repent.
♪
Gordon: Mabelline,
leave her alone.
[footsteps]
♪
Gordon: Mabel.
I really feel like we made
a lot of progress tonight.
I feel like we're really close.
Close to what?
♪
To unity, to some real
family unity, you know?
♪
Anyway, I'm really looking
forward to my birthday surprise.
♪
[Mabel sighs]
♪
♪
There's an invisible w*r
going on around--
♪
--our neighborhoods
all across America.
[rumbling]
Glennie: If you're going
to k*ll us,
just k*ll us now.
It isn't the aliens, is it?
Gordon: No, honey, no.
Aliens are nothing
to worry about.
♪
- Good night. - 'Night.
Gordon: My wife was
meddlesome.
[rumbling and buzzing]
[crickets chirping]
Glennie: They're back.
Gordon: The aliens are nothing
to worry about, I told her.
Which is partly true.
[rumbling]
[Glennie gasps]
Gordon: My wife was bored.
But something had to be done.
[birds chirping]
[bicycle whirring]
[metallic banging]
Gordon: Good morning, family.
- [banging on pan]
- Good morning.
- [banging on pan]
- Happy Sunday indeed.
Come on, rise and shine.
We're going on a little
family adventure today.
So go on and get dressed.
Come on, get dressed.
♪
Gordon: I gotta say,
it really warms my heart
seeing us as a family
together like this.
♪
Gordon: Mabel, you got
that look in your eye.
You want to know
where you're headed.
I guarantee it's something
you're itching to see.
Oh h* h*, that I know.
That is a fact--now,
that's a fact.
Hey, hey, would you ladies
also indulge me
in putting these over your eyes?
Mabel: You're really
going the distance.
Oh, trust me, it's gonna be worth it.
Excited.
♪
[crow cawing]
Gordon: Are we having
fun or what?
Joseph Crosby: Sir?
Ladies, just--just wait
there for me.
I'll just be a--a minute.
Joe: Are you a believer?
'Cause I know one
when I sees one.
Name is Gordon.
People call me Gordo.
Gordo, Joseph, Joseph Crosby.
Gordon: Yeah, yeah.
Let me--let me introduce
you to, uh--
Come on, watch your head.
There you go, dear,
watch out.
Ah, there you go.
This is my daughter, Abbie.
Hello, Abbie.
- Yeah, she's adopted.
- Oh, that's lovely.
That's just--that's just lovely.
[whispering] Mabel, come on.
Watch your head.
♪
Gordon: Watch your head,
there you go.
And this--is my lovely
wife, Mabelline.
This way, this way, honey.
Hi Mabelline.
♪
Well, uh, just this way,
ladies, right this way.
♪
♪
Joe: I give you the
Sutton Farm Abduction.
Gordon: Careful, careful,
careful.
And--there you go.
[chuckles]
Mabel: What is this?
Well, I do believe that this is
gonna answer a lot of questions
floating around the Rogers
household as of late.
Abbie?
- "Aliens"
- [chuckles]
All right, this is it.
Mabel: Oh my goodness.
Joe: Oh, no, ma'am,
we can't go any further.
Oh, it's okay, Joe,
it's all right, it's all right.
- You discovered this?
- Yes, I did indeed.
Impressive, is it not, Abbie?
Abbie, this is the very site of the Great Indian w*r of 1636.
Lasted two years,
bloody, bloody battle.
But we won in the end,
of course.
I've heard about this place.
Oh, yeah, where'd
you hear of it?
♪
Lots of Indian girls
in the orphanage.
♪
They said it was beauty
as far as the eye could see.
♪
Yeah.
[birds chirping]
What's gonna happen
to this place?
What do you mean?
Abbie: The land, the house,
all this corn.
Probably become government
property, I suppose.
That doesn't seem fair.
Gordon: Doesn't seem fair,
what do you mean?
It's not the government's
to take.
Mabelline, what do you say
we go home
and give the car a nice wash?
Get rid of the dust.
Put on our swim costumes
and have a ball, huh?
Gordon: Mabelline.
What's that?
- Mabel: Gordo!
- [laughing]
Hey, hey, h* h*,
easy now, easy now.
[shrieking]
Gordo, I swear, don't you dare.
[laughing]
Gordon: I like when you run.
Hey, Abbie girl, look at your
mom getting all hosed down.
Hey, come on out here,
Abbie girl.
Now, that's one swell family,
wouldn't you say?
♪
- Gordon: Come on. - ♪
- Gordon: Have a sponge.
- ♪
- [laughing]
- Gordon: How's it feel?
Abbie: A little cold.
♪
[phone rings]
[shrieking]
- ♪
- [laughing]
- [shrieking]
- Don't you dare!
That's enough,
that's enough!
- ♪
- [birds chirping]
Here, here, here,
finish it up.
- ♪
- [birds chirping]
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[phone continues ringing]
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
[phone ringing]
Yep.
Woman: Sir, I have an
Officer Joseph Randall for you.
You know it's Sunday.
Woman: I know, sir.
He says it's urgent.
- Go ahead, put him on.
- [ringtone]
Joe: Hiya, Gordo, so sorry to bother you on a Sunday.
It's fine, Joe, it's fine.
Joe: Look, I don't want to get
wrapped up in family affairs.
It's no one's place to tell a
man what's concerning
and what isn't.
Joe, Joe, just spill it,
you're k*lling me here.
This isn't the first time your
missus visited the Sutton farm.
♪
Okay.
- [shrieking]
- Mabel: Don't you dare.
That's enough,
that's enough!
♪
She knows about Edward Boon, Gordy.
♪
Joe: I don't know how,
but she does.
Okay, okay.
♪
♪
♪
- ♪
- [birds chirping]
- ♪
- [birds chirping]
[birds chirping]
Gordon: f*cking housewives.
[birds chirping]
♪
♪
♪
♪
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