01x04 - Arrows Activated

[bunniefuu]

[static and high pitched tone]

- [Josh] So what are you here for?
- [male investigator] We're part

of a specialized task force,
and that task force is called

the Internet Crimes Against
Children Task Force.

- [Josh] Yep.
- [male investigator] Based on an ongoing

investigation, we were able
to get from this IP address

um, one specific video of child
p*rn*graphy, and one folder containing

approximately 65 images
of child p*rn*graphy.

- [Josh] Okay.
- [male investigator] All right?

[Josh] Is there something
going on on my devices?

[male investigator]
That's what led us here, yes.

[Josh] Okay.

[male reporter] HSI was in Springdale
investigating a business

associated with Josh Duggar.

I talked to my brother and he said,

it's just this ex-con that worked at
his car lot, and it's all gonna be fine.

This is all gonna blow over.
It's not true, none of it's true.

[Michelle]
Ah, the things that children will do

when their parents are not around.

You know that verse that says,

"A child left to itself will
bring its mother to shame?"

That is so true.

"The Sun" showed up at our door,
and they were like, so is it true?

Your brother's about to be arrested?

And I was like, I don't
wanna comment on that.

Well, reality TV star Josh Duggar,

of 19 and Counting fame has been arrested

by US Marshals in Arkansas.

Disturbing allegations against
a member of the Duggar family.

I just couldn't believe
what was in the news.

I said, I think we're
living in the Twilight Zone.

Josh Duggar indicted for downloading
and possessing child p*rn*graphy.

He's facing two counts for receiving
and possessing child porn.

[male reporter recording]
Mr. Duggar, did you download

child p*rn*graphy onto your computer?

[female reporter voiceover]
He didn't say anything to the media.

He got into that black SUV
waiting for him, and drove off.

A spokesperson for TLC tells ET that
the network will not be moving forward

with the Duggar family's reality series.

It's like the epitome of evil.
I don't think there's anything worse.

[haunting choral music]

[music crescendos]

Bobye says, Jim, we have
company, it's Homeland Security.

They sit down and said, "Mr. Holt,
I'm sure you know why we're here."

He starts talking and he goes,
"Well, it's about Josh Duggar."

They said it wasn't
about his past history.

It was something different.

- [slow eerie music plays]
- [Derick] I texted Josh and I just said,

"Hey, I'm hearing rumors.
"Is that even true?"

And he's like, "Absolutely not,
especially something of that nature."

[male reporter] The Duggar family
released a statement, quote,

"As to any investigation being
conducted, to our knowledge,

no member of our family is a
target of any investigation."

[Derick] On the day that our
family statement's put out,

we know that the family had knowledge

that there's a child p*rn*graphy
investigation against Josh,

and they had that
knowledge on the same day

that they made the statement.

Yeah, you might have fooled the public,
but eventually,

if there's something to this,
people are gonna realize it.

I think we were curious to just see

how everything unfolded,
and to get the truth.

[tense music]

[male reporter] Testimony began today
in the trial of Josh Duggar.

After opening statements,
prosecutors presented

the jury with a computer
that was found at Duggar's car dealership.

[Jen] The entire FundieSnark
community obviously had

a vested interest in this story,
and I followed it very closely.

The prosecution was able to point out

every single time Josh
downloaded these images,

they have it pinpointed
to the exact moment.

[female reporter] The agent also
says that Duggar had a program

on his computer called Covenant Eyes,

which the agent called
accountability software.

With Covenant Eyes, I'm winning
the fight against porn every day.

[Jen] Covenant Eyes makes
reports of all the websites

you've been on, and it sends them
to a trusted accountabili-buddy.

[female reporter] While the public
facing portion of the computer

appeared to be mostly business related,

the hard drive
had in fact been split in two.

[Jen] Josh has always
been known to be tech savvy.

He would've been the only one who knew how
to circumvent the Covenant Eyes software.

[female reporter]
The agent described the images

as in the top five of the worst of the
worst that he has ever examined.

[Amy]
The things that he looked at,

and the things that he
enjoyed and got pleasure from

absolutely breaks my heart
into a million pieces.

[dramatic theme music bellows]

It was horrible, because you sometimes
feel like you failed.

Could we have tried more?

[emotional music swells]

When it's a friend doing
things that are so vile,

and so wicked, that part really hurts.
That's why I cry.

They seemed like such good people.

The sweetest family.

The way the show portrayed
them was perfect.

[uplifting music plays]

[Bobye continues]
Everything was always sunshiny and rosy.

I really think people
put them on a pedestal,

but we know for a fact that
there was such heartache

that they really did just
have to put a face on.

They have to be happy all the time.
They can never show real emotion.

They can never deal with what
could be rumbling inside of their hearts.

[Michelle] Well, you guys can't kiss yet,
but you can hold hands.

- [Jim Bob] That's right. (chuckling)
- [Michelle] Your first kiss-

- [Jim Bob] We'll do the kissing.
- We'll do the kissing.

[Jim Bob] If you feel the urge to kiss,
just tell us, and we'll kiss.

[Michelle] We've prepared him
all these years for this moment,

and I just am excited about their future.

[uplifting music plays]

Josh Duggar is charged with one count
of possession of child p*rn*graphy,

and if convicted, he could face up
to 20 years in prison and a 250...

[Jim off screen]
There was an evidentiary hearing

to determine what evidence
would be given at trial.

The prosecution wanted
to see if they could use

the prior allegations of
Josh molesting his sisters.

[Jill]
Nobody obviously wants to testify,

but I was prepared to
testify against my brother.

I guess they got what they
needed from somebody else,

and didn't have to have me testify.

[female reporter] Today, the jury
heard from former Duggar family friends.

I took the stand, and I really
felt like it was important

to acknowledge to everyone in the room,
and everyone that might hear this,

that God knows that
I'm gonna tell the truth,

and I have to stand before Him one day
for what I say, or what I don't say,

or what I do, and what I don't do, and so
I did. I said, I do, so help me God.

The jury got to see that there
is a pattern in Josh's life

that he began early on,
and he got by with it time and time again.

- [dramatic music plays]
- [Jen] Bobye Holt was exposing everybody

because she was saying everybody knew,
this was an open secret.

Josh had molested several of his sisters,
and they swept it under the rug.

That was a huge relief when I was done.

It was almost like we had
waited all of these years

- just to be able to say that.
- And we were taken seriously.

Yes. At one point, Jim Bob
told you you were jealous.

He said, "Jim Bob, I would not trade
places with you for a bazillion dollars."

[male reporter recording] Morning,
Jim Bob. How you doing today, sir?

[male reporter voiceover] Jim Bob,
who you see entering court here,

testified too about what his son told him.

[dramatic music plays]

[Dillon] At one point, the prosecuting
attorney came up to him and she said,

"Heres the police report. Do you recognize
the things that you said in there?"

And he goes,
"Well, I don't recall really."

The fact that he can say
that he doesn't remember

his own daughter's abuse makes me sick.

He kept answering
all the questions like,

"I don't recall, I don't
remember, that was so long ago."

- He just flat out lied.
- [Jen] The judge got mad at him

and told him he couldn't come back,
because he had a bad memory.

From that moment, yeah, he's done.

The hardest parts for
me were the parts of like,

the old stuff being brought up
that should have never been out there.

I just hope and pray that this never
happens to anyone else ever again.

[music intensifies]

[female reporter]
The case is in the jury's hands,

and then we'll have to find out tomorrow

exactly what's gonna
happen with Joshua Duggar.

[music crescendos]

Tonight, 19 Kids and Counting
star Jim Bob Duggar

announcing today that he is running
for a seat in the Arkansas Senate.

As soon as I heard it,
I absolutely just could not believe it.

He actually texted you, didn't he?

And sent you his website
with the donation page.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

[female reporter]
The news of Duggar's candidacy

comes amid a federal child
porn investigation against his son.

I got a news alert on my phone,
and I was like, what the what?

[suspenseful music plays]

[Heather] It's really,
really bold to run for office

while you have a son on trial
for child sexual as*ault materials,

but that is basically the embodiment
of a fundamentalist dad.

[female reporter]
Duggar said in a news release today

that he is running because of what
he called out of control bureaucrats.

We heard reports of conspiracy theories.

Things like Josh's trial would never
happen if Trump were still in office.

This is a Obama appointed judge.

[Jill] He was just grasping for anything.

I don't think that he believed
for a second that he was wrong.

Satan's using this as a
distraction to your family,

and to bring down your ministry,
so still run for office

because you're still gonna do God's work.

There's a world system that's
being controlled by Satan

that needs to be stood up against.

That sort of mindset
comes from the Institute.

We are in a culture w*r.

We wanna see that culture
w*r won by the Lord.

[Chad] Jim Bob lost, but their goal
was to have one generation

start off this godly chain of events
that the next generation would amplify,

until we essentially took over
the entire world for Jesus Christ.

That was their stated goal.

There is always a bigger agenda.

[officers shouting together]

[Floyd] You wouldn't go to w*r
in ancient times with a quiver of arrows

that only has one or two arrows in it.

[energetic music plays]

You want as many arrows as
you can to sh**t at the enemy.

[Jim Bob] That's what we're
supposed to do with our children.

Nurture them, and grow them,
and then send them out into the world

as strong arrows to have
an impact on the world.

[energetic music crescendos]

The real story behind the
Duggars is a much bigger one.

The Joshua Generation is one
of the most ambitious plots

of modern evangelical history,
and almost no one has ever heard of it.

[energetic music plays]

It's a decades long multi-generational
plan to raise up an elite strike force

of Christian homeschool graduates

to infiltrate the highest levels
of government.

My name is Alex Harris.

I'm a graduate of Harvard Law School,
and I was a law clerk

for Justice Anthony Kennedy
of the US Supreme Court.

I was previously one of the leaders
of the Joshua Generation movement.

[music continues]

[Eve] A lot of the men who came up
with the idea for the Joshua Generation

were influenced by Gothard,
attending IBLP seminars,

and espousing Quiverfull ideals.

Gothard was the template.
He's got his hands in everything.

Their kids were supposed to be this force

that was gonna conquer
for the kingdom of God.

The whole purpose was really to position
kind of the best and the brightest

of the Christian homeschool movement
to assume positions of power and influence

in government and in the law.

The goal was Christian homeschool
graduates who would be US senators,

who would be US presidents,
and most importantly,

who would be US Supreme Court justices...

...In order to bring America back to its
rightful position as a Christian nation.

[Eve] It starts in high school
with organizations

like TeenPact and Generation Joshua,
which were giving homeschooled

teenagers civics training,
organizing training.

Vote for Mike!

[male reporter through TV]
These volunteers are Huck's Army,

drawn here by Alex and Brett Harris.

There were worldview camps and there were
homeschool debate clubs that you could

take on any liberal or atheist argument,
or a statement, and debunk it.

It's how we defend our faith.

The training ground for the real battle
ground that is the dark world outside.

We would go to the capital all the time.

I knew all of our representatives,
and I knew the senators,

so that we could say,
hey, this is what we want.

We want you to vote this way.
We were loud, politically.

You take these kids and give them
training in political engagement,

and then from there you send them
into the halls of Congress,

into the White House, as interns.

You had institutions of higher education,
first and foremost, Patrick Henry College,

where I became positioned to do
all of the things that I have done since.

[female narrator] PHD graduates
have served as press secretaries

in the White House, Senate,
and House of Representatives,

have excelled at the FBI, CIA,
and the Department of Homeland Security.

[Eve] Clerking for Supreme Court justices,
being in Trump's cabinet.

They're popping up everywhere
if you look for them.

Meet Elise Hall.
She's 21, and just won election

to the Oklahoma State
House of Representatives.

Your left wing movement
is forcing children to endure

radical expressions of sexuality...

The most prominent member of the
Joshua Generation was Madison Cawthorn.

Madam Speaker, a silent genocide has
slipped beneath the conscience of America.

I hope that the Supreme
Court overturns Roe v. Wade.

And he made it all the
way to the US Congress.

New this morning, North Carolina
Congressman Madison Cawthorn

addressing a new round of allegations.

Cawthorn was aggressive, misogynistic,
and predatory towards women.

[Kristin] The most prominent leaders
in this movement get caught up

in abuse scandals, and the communities
are really trained to move on.

One of the Duggars is now running
for Arkansas State representative in 2020.

I'm a Christian, and I will stand up
for religious liberties.

I'm pro-life, and I will be
an advocate for the unborn.

[male reporter] In a sweeping ruling that
overturned a half a century of precedents,

five justices ended the
right of American women

to choose ab*rtion under the Constitution.

[Kristin] This isn't just about
passing a law in this moment.

It's about so much more.
They are looking generations ahead.

- They're playing the long game.
- [suspenseful music plays]

It's always been encouraged to use
whatever technology is available to you

to further the Christian agenda.

Like the Duggars, so yeah,
now you have influencer culture.

[Heather] You have the rise of Christian
influencers on Instagram, on TikTok.

No, God did not make you g*y.
Does a thief come out born a thief?

Social media seems almost
tailor made for fundamentalism,

because it allows these ideas a broader
audience than they've ever had before.

- [Morgan] Creation Museum!
- [Paul] There it is!

They just so boldly and confidently speak
like the Bible is true, creation is true.

We believe this.

[Jen] A great example is this channel
called Paul and Morgan.

Guys, if you're new here, we're
making Christian advice videos

- on life, love, and dating.
- Woo, woo, woo!

- We met in a unconventional way.
- For Christians, anyways.

[Morgan laughs] We met on Tinder.

♪ Dah nah nah ♪
Breaking news.

They're parroting these
ideals of the older generation.

One major area in which God
began to really work in my heart

was in the area of submission.
My husband had asked me not to wear pants,

and I was out from under
his authority, again.

They're very much passing it down,
and making it cool and trendy.

Same book, different cover.

[male producer]
What is the role of the wife?

So the role of the wife is
to submit to your husbands,

- which ooh, scary word, "submit".
- Very scary.

It's a choice to submit.

We do our YouTube channel,
and share the word of God

because if we can be a light

even to one person out of a
million, like, praise God.

You can't be a they/them,
people, you can't!

I'm sorry, pick one
or the other at least...

[Kristin]
Social media can take something fringe.

Drag queens, it's so
disgusting, it's so shocking.

And move them into the
center of our conversation.

Some of you might go to hell

to be tormented day and
night for all of eternity.

They're trying to present it as cool.

My seven tips for how
to speak femininely.

I'll mainstream Christians
posting the umbrella of authority.

Treat your husband as the head
of the household, and obey him.

And I want to just grab
them by the shoulders and say,

no, that was made by a cult leader.

Christian women should dress modestly.

You wouldn't repost something
by Charles Manson. Don't do this.

God is trying to warn his children.

Uh-uh, Satan, the Lord is my shepherd.

God's word, of God's truth,
of God's design.

- Biblical morality.
- [jumbled clamoring]

That's where the devil
gets you, alone in your room.

[influencers clamoring]

- [clamoring crescendos]
- And that is the Joshua Generation.

Today, it's my honor and privilege

to join in this announcement
of a guilty verdict

in the case of United
States versus Josh Duggar.

No one is above the law,
and that's what this case demonstrates.

[Deanna] Amy called me on the
phone about the verdict,

and I said, well, Amy,
justice has been served.

[suspenseful music plays]

[Bobye] I just felt like a flood
of relief for the girls.

Never having to say, I forgive you,
you didn't do anything wrong, it's okay.

Never having to face him knowing
what he's done, and not be heard.

And we just hugged. We just sat there, and
hugged probably two or three minutes.

- Yeah.
- [music fades]

'Cause it felt like it was
gonna finally come to an end.

[female reporter]
Anything you wanna say, sir?

[male reporter]
Do you have any comments for today, sir?

[Deanna] At this time, I have not spoken
to my brother about any of this.

He needs to apologize to a lot of people.

[suspenseful music plays]

[Jill] My dad does control a lot
of things in the family.

Family relationships were
already kind of rocky.

I reached out to TLC to ask for all
contracts that I had been involved in.

My parents had signed
for a bunch of the kids

who were no longer
minors, including myself.

I became an adult in 2009.

As the kids aged to adulthood,
they're still listed as minors,

and nobody fixed that.

Everything within the family dynamic
has shifted, and not for the better.

We're very much on the
outside with the family.

They don't talk to us, and so for us,
we don't know what's going on.

- We have no idea.
- We typically find out what's going on...

- Through the media.
- ...Through People Magazine.

Through In Touch, through E!.

[Bobye] I try to look back at the
Jim Bob and Michelle that we loved.

It was really hard, because it's just
like you've lost your best friend.

[Jill] It's gonna change our family.
It already has completely.

[music fades]

I have a notebook full of IBLP rules.

I took these notes in the living room
with the other kids, my other cousins.

- [Producer] Who sat you down?
- Jim Bob, of course.

Values to be a good wife.

It says, "He is your leader,
your husband is your leader."

Would you have ever dreamed
on your 20th birthday...

[Amy continues] Loyalty can be
demonstrated only in adversity.

Think about that.
Think about what that teaches.

Teaches you that you have no way out,
and no matter what they do,

loyalty will shine through in adversity.

How messed up is that?

Be loyal to God, be loyal
to your parents and that authority,

and be willing to love your spouse
even when it hurts.

[male reporter]
Do you have any comments, Anna?

You think 12 years is fair, Anna?

This comes up with Anna Duggar a lot.
Why can't she just leave?

Oh, just let's take a look
at why she just can't leave.

Okay, so she was raised
without an education.

She was chosen for Joshua Duggar.

Her duty is to him, to be
pleasing in every way, always,

even if he's not there.
She has a bevy of children with him.

We all out here know that somebody
like that would find resources.

She'd have a book deal so fast,
but she doesn't know that.

She probably doesn't know
the truth of her situation.

Josh was my first love,
he's my one and only.

My only hope was to cling to my faith,

because I think in the stun,
and in the shock of everything,

I was just praying, God help, help me
to know how to respond to all of this.

[Tia] Young, idealistic people can
get tangled up in that stuff

all of the time, as I know firsthand.

[female recording]
And in here is Tia doing dishes again.

[Tia] In fundamentalism,
suffering means holiness.

So I was just tapping into that narrative
of if you're too happy, something's wrong.

In October of 2007, my husband followed
me around the house for four hours

with a length of firewood,
promising to bludgeon me to death.

Then outta the blue,
he goes, "I'm outta here."

And I heard a voice in my
head that said, run right now.

So I went and got the kids,
and put them in the car,

and he had gone back to
his office to get his g*n,

and if I had stayed
home, we would be dead.

I escaped by the skin of my teeth,
so I'm never gonna say it's easy.

For me and a lot of other survivors,
Josh's trial has given me a lot of hope.

I hope for a reckoning.

[tense music plays]

A group of women come
forward and sue IBLP,

and then a little bit later on
add Gothard into that lawsuit.

The allegations are that Gothard
sexually abused and harassed them.

IBLP as an organization knew,
and chose to look the other way.

I was very aware of the lawsuit
when it popped up against Bill Gothard.

I was aware of it far before it became
public, because I was asked

to be a part of it, and I turned it down
because I was petrified.

At the time,
I felt that I would be in danger.

So, I joined the lawsuit
as Jane Doe number three.

When you join a lawsuit,
it's constantly rehashing

the most horrific memories of your life,
and telling them again, and again.

If you decide to move forward in a case
it's also important that you realize

the emotional toll that it's
going to continue to take on you.

Quite frankly, the cost was too high.

One of our factors was
statute of limitations.

[dramatic music plays]

[Emily] And the lawsuit was dismissed.

I knew that the
organization was big enough.

I knew that they had a lot of money.
I was just like, there is no way.

I mean, it is literally
a David and Goliath situation here.

[Brooke] Gothard had a lot of
money and resources,

so he countersued some of
the original plaintiffs.

He was asking us to pay
approximately 18,000 a piece.

And now the plaintiffs
were on the defense.

[dramatic music crescendos]

And my friend Amy and I
heard they're going to have

a hearing about this in Chicago.
And so I tell Amy, we've gotta go.

[energetic music plays]

The victims feeling validated, and feeling
heard was really the thing at stake here.

To me, that's not even scratching
the surface of what they're owed,

and what all of us are owed.

There were literally hundreds
of thousands of children

raised in this ATI program
under these same teachings.

John Cornish, one of the
co-founders of Recovering Grace,

gives me Bill Gothard's phone number,
and so I decide, well, we are in Chicago.

- Why don't we go over to his house?
- [audience applauds]

Bill Gothard kind of came to loom
over my life, even as an adult.

Bill Gothard used to speak to stadiums,
you know, every week,

and now he just sits alone in his house.

This kind of Peter Pan-like character

living in the home he's
lived in in his entire life.

[suspenseful music plays]

He was waiting at the front door wearing
a full suit, a tie. He had done his hair.

His entire living room
is covered in boxes,

all copies of the 37 self-published
books that he's written.

[music intensifies]

We sit down, and he says
that he wants to pray for me.

And so he looks at the
floor, and closes his eyes,

and I look at the floor and close my eyes,

and then I realize,
why am I pretending right now?

So I opened my eyes and
when I do, he's looking at me.

His eyes are open.

It was kind of like, you know,
looking the devil in the eye.

In that moment,
everything made sense to me.

[audience applauds]

His word, his principles
is what God accomplished here tonight.

About wisdom.
God's will, the love of the Lord.

Pleasing for what you could do.

- [audience applauds]
- [eerie music crescendos]

It was just a man the whole time.

[gentle music]

When I testified in court,
in front of him, I locked eyes with Bill.

I had taken my power back.
I had taken my voice back.

After a full day of testimony,
the judge denied Gothard's sanctions.

He found our testimony to be credible...

...And we got to walk out of
that courtroom victorious.

- [Heather] Ma.
- What?

If you go on ATI's website,

it says ATI was a homeschooling
program from 1984 to 2021.

As of now, ATI doesn't exist anymore,

and they're just selling
all of these wisdom booklets

as a Bible study available to
anyone who wants to buy it.

Booklets that we were forced to use,
they are now diminishing it to, you know,

a g*dd*mn Bible study.

At face value, I take it as a victory
because I think that they're scared.

But IBLP still exists.

This is the first I'm hearing about it,
as are several of the ATI survivors.

There's things that
Bill Gothard stole from us

that we could never get
back, like our childhoods.

And there's so many people who grew up

in this educationally
neglectful homeschool program,

and now are struggling
financially to get by.

[suspenseful music plays]

When you grow up in such
a stringent belief system,

I think that the natural impulse
is just to rebel against it.

I had been rejecting my
upbringing for so long,

I realized that I'd ended
up kind of empty inside.

I first read The Handmaid's Tale in
college. I was like, oh this is my life.

Around that time period,

I was dealing with the power
struggle with me and my father

over, you know, whether
or not he considered me

to be an adult, or somebody
totally under his authority.

It really did create a
sense of urgency in me

to start trying to understand
what the f*ck I had been raised in.

We got married in 2005, and in 2012 is
when, you know, the curtain dropped.

I ended up having a lot of health issues
after having our son.

All of this medical stuff was exploding.

I'm having strokes, and sick,
and then unbeknownst to me,

- because I was in survival mode.
- I gave up.

I was checked out. I started drinking.

And we separated.
I was a single mom for a little bit,

- and he had a lot of...
- I had a lot of time to drink.

[gentle music plays]

In this cult, the whole fear
of your kids ending up bad,

or ending up doing drugs,
ending up in jail, or whatever.

I ended up in jail anyways.

In my twenties, I started shoplifting,
and I didn't know why I did it.

I didn't need anything.
I was in jail several times.

One time, for about a week.

I sought out an addiction
recovery program.

The first thing they had me
do in their 12 step program

was talk about and confront my childhood,
which I had never done before.

[emotional music plays]

At one time at work,

I just absolutely just had a
overwhelming sense of panic.

So I started going to a counselor.

We spent about three whole
sessions talking about,

well, let's talk about your
upbringing first. What was that like?

She said, you're exhibiting
a lot of the same symptoms

that people who were raised
in high controlling religious groups show.

And she said, and honestly,
you need to start considering reaching out

beyond what you were taught,
maybe going to other churches.

Put your hand down if you decided
to make your first TikTok video

about how your parents joined
a cult when you were 12...

Deconstruction is deciding for yourself
if the things you were taught

is really the truth you believe in,
and if it's not, what would it look like?

Do you even believe in God?

Hey, I'm Heather,
and I was raised in this cult.

Deconstructing is an exhausting process.

All of this stuff that you believed
just got turned upside down,

and now your thinking is all new now.

[tense music plays]

[Brooke] Becoming the person
that I wanted to be now is a big step

in my a deconstruction.

I put myself through college,
and then a PhD program.

I was like, ah, watch me.
Watch how much education I can get.

I have sinned against God,
and I cannot save myself...

I definitely have changed.

[Jill] Jing is talking about how
there was a lot of fear growing up.

[Jinger] We followed a teacher
named Bill Gothard.

The show definitely
influenced a lot of people

to get into Bill Gothard's
teaching with IBLP,

and now this is a correction
coming back and saying,

don't follow these teachings,
they're so harmful.

[Amy] Watching Jill change to how she
is now, it is night and day difference,

and I'm just really,
really, really proud of her.

[Jill]
If you were in ATI or IBLP,

unfortunately, a lot of times
you have to go through help

because it's not until then
that you would risk everything

to like, get out of those situations.

Eventually, you start
making your own decisions.

It's like the nose ring that I got,
and it's piece by piece, little by little

to like, do what you need to to survive.

Speaking up is like the last step in kind
of deconstructing the Gothard ideology.

We've lived it. They made us live it,
and we have some things to say.

That little voice in the back of your head
that says, this is wrong?

That's right.
Don't lose that.

You are trustworthy,
and you can believe yourself.

No matter what, God actually loves you.

To a young girl still
trapped in that world,

you don't have to own any of the shame
that anyone tries to ascribe to you.

I wake up sometimes thinking,
this is my life. I made this.

I made this for me, and no one
told me I could or couldn't.

Wow, guys.

Sorry, that's heavy.

f*ck. [exhales]

It's weird, the things I thought
I would cry about, I didn't.

And the things that I thought'd
be fine are hitting me.

Anyway, okay.

Sorry, guys.

- [sniffles]
- [intense music plays]

When you leave, and you're actually out
there flailing like a new little fish,

Um...[struggles to speak]

...There are people that catch you.
The universe catches you.

[Chad] Those of us who experienced
the hurt and the abuse,

watched as people celebrated it on TV,
and didn't have our stories told.

I believe strongly that victims
should always be protected.

Victims should always be cared for.

You're out there, like
your story's out there,

so you just feel like I'd rather
have some say in what that looks like.

[Chad] We had this power the entire time
over the people who were hurting us.

It turns out, as much as
they tried to control us,

we were ultimately what they most feared,
and all we had to do was talk.

- So I decided I'd use my TikTok...
- [talking over each other]

Young Quiverfull mom...

Grew up in the same cult that...

And I was raised in this cult...

just one of thousands and
thousands and thousands...

-[chatter and music crescendo]

[gentle music continues through credits]