Halloween Candy (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Oh God!

Oh sh*t, Burt. Come on.

What the hell are you doing in my house?

Burt, don't be an a*s.

Happy Halloween people.

I'm sorry, Liza.

I had to bring my niece,

Zoey trick-or-treating

and I really had to pee.

I didn't wanna disturb you

while you're writing

your next master piece.

Well, you scared me half to death, so.

Just giving you a little

inspiration for your stories.

Burt, go outside and watch Zoe.

I'm not watching her all by myself.

She bit me last time.

You probably deserved it.

Well, biting must run

in the family then, huh?

Just go!

Later lizard.

Yo. You better save me some butterfingers.

So, how's the writing going?

Well, it's actually not going.

My publisher's gonna can me

if I don't get something to him

by the end of the week.

Come on. It can't be that bad.

Everything I write ends up

with the husband taking the daughter away

and living with his

bitchy new girlfriend, so.

I'm sorry about Tori.

This is all new for her,

and I'm sure when things settle down,

she'll come home to you.

She's my daughter,

and she's spending my favorite

holiday with Scott and her.

Well, at least you

don't have to be out there

in the cold tonight.

Ow, she bit me again.

Get back here. You little sh*t!

It just sucks because I

made her the f*cking costume

and I won't even be able to

see her in it on Halloween.

I know, it's hard,

but you always said

before you two separated

that you never had any time to write.

Now you have it.

Yeah, but not like this.

I mean, they're out there having fun

and I feel like I am stuck

here in a g*dd*mn cage.

Hey, listen, it sucks.

I know it does.

But you gotta try your best

to find something

positive from your situation.

As hard as it seems right now,

try to find some inspiration from it.

Marcy, I need to tell you something.

Sure. What is it?

Well, I think I might've gotten myself

into a little trouble.

Trouble. What do you mean?

Whoa, sh*t babe. Come on!

Zoe just ralphed all over the yard

for eating too much candy.

I told you not to let her eat anymore!

I'm sorry. What kind of trouble are you in?

Well, it's complicated, but.

She's doing it again! Whoa.

Oh, sweet God.

You know what? Nevermind.

It looks like you've

got your hands full, so.

These two are gonna drive me insane.

I'm sorry. Call me soon though.

Yeah. All right.

Thanks for the advice.

Hey, I am always here if you need me.

Hurry up!

She's puking all over Liza's garden now.

This is incredible.

Burt, what the hell?

I asked you to watch her for two minutes.

I'm sorry. I gotta run.

Happy Halloween.

You too.

Maybe it's time to try

and let some inspiration in.

All right.

See you. Bye.

Nice to see you, Burt. as*h*le.

Find inspiration. What inspiration?

I feel like I'm in a g*dd*mn cage.

To put Scott in a f*cking cage.

Mr. Robastelli, you don't understand.

I need that money!

I can't pay for the rest

of my semester without it.

Tim. I'm in the business

of giving people a good time.

People pay big money

for a good scare like this.

I can't have 'em leave with anything less.

What you did was unacceptable.

That little girl was crying.

She was not having a good time.

Tim, stop!

You broke character.

That's like breaking the

cardinal rule around here.

You break the rules, you don't get paid.

That's bullshit!

You're a business student, right, Tim?

Then you should be able to

understand my responsibility.

I get paid to give people what they want.

To get the living sh*t scared out of 'em.

That's how you get repeat business.

You didn't take that class

yet, huh? College boy.

I'm gonna report you

the first thing tomorrow.

Are you threatening me, Mr. Dombrowski?

I suggest you leave right now.

You're gonna force me to defend myself.

Okay. f*ck you.

Yo. What was wrong with that guy?

The kid broke the rules.

He's not getting paid.

Again, Tony?

That's why you're the best.

So how'd we do? Good numbers?

Best day of the season.

Yeah, good sh*t.

Tomorrow's Halloween.

It's gonna be even bigger.

Wow.

Do me a favor.

Drop this off at the overnight vault.

I don't want that kind of money

sitting around here all night.

You got a piece?

Nah.

How many times did I tell you don't carry

that much loot around without a piece.

Be careful tonight, it's mischief night.

Make sure nothing happens to that money.

Gotcha, boss.

Hey, they'd have to pry it

outta my cold dead hands.

Yeah, that's right.

I'll see ya.

All right, you take it easy.

Hey. Hey. What the

hell are you doing in there?

My money. Damn it!

The money! They took the money!

Where's my g*dd*mn money?

I'm warning you.

You better leave my money,

and get your a*s outta here right now.

I swear to God, every

last dollar better be there.

Or I'll make sure they

lock your a*s up in a cage.

Who the f*ck are you?

Tim! Is that you?

No.

What the f*ck?

Who are you?

Mr. Robastelli, you've

made a fortune out of fear

and greed.

It is now your turn to pay the price.

It is your turn to be frightened.

No!

Yo, this is off the hook.

This place is disgusting.

I don't understand why

do you like this stuff.

Babe, it is Halloween.

You scared, ain't you?

Stop it. Don't even think about it.

Hey, hey. Hey, help me.

Help me get out, please.

These people are good. You're good.

No, look, I'm not supposed to be here.

Help me out, please.

I own this place.

I can't believe they paid us

to come to this haunted house.

Hey, what? Wait, that's my money.

Wait, wait! No!

sh*t! Trick or treaters.

Dammit Marcy.

These weren't Scott's edibles, were they?

Okay, good.

Trick or treat.

Oh, look at your costume.

You must be one scary wolf man.

Well, here is a piece of candy for you,

and here is a piece for your parents.

Where's your mom and dad?

Home.

Oh, you're out here all by yourself?

Where do you live?

Stranger? Yeah. I gotcha. Smart boy.

Well be careful out there, okay?

A lot of scary monsters out there.

Okay.

Well, Happy Halloween.

Excuse me little boy. Happy Halloween.

Are you out here alone?

Where are your parents?

Do you even live around here?

Look, I think you should come with me.

I'll take you home.

It's not safe for you to be out here alone.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you.

It's just that there's

a lot of scary things

out here tonight.

I don't want anything to happen to you.

Please get in.

I'll just take you back

to your neighborhood.

Halloween was one of my favorite holidays.

I remember making my own costumes as a kid.

One year I was the best mummy.

I cut up all my bedsheets

and I sewed them together

and I put on a little dirt and

my mom was so mad at me.

Hey, one year I was even a werewolf too.

Did you get a lot of candy tonight?

Oh, that's too bad.

Hey, I have an idea.

I know of a good neighborhood

that'll give us lots of candy.

You want lots of candy?

Good, I'll take us there now.

Oh sh**t. But I don't have my costume.

Hey, do you mind if we go back to my place

and I can put on my Halloween costume?

Great. It'll only take a minute.

Why don't you come

inside while I get ready?

I have a lot of old toys you can play with

while I'm getting dressed.

Look, I don't want you sitting

out in the car by yourself.

It's safer inside. Please come in.

Here, why don't you stay here?

I'm gonna go inside and take this off

and change into my costume.

Hey, why don't you take your shoes off?

Hop up on the couch, make yourself at home.

Hey, guess what, I've got candy.

What the?

What are you?

I wasn't gonna do anything, I swear!

I'm coming.

Ah, you're so scary.

Trick or treat.

Oh, scary and cute.

Well. Here take another piece of candy

for being so adorable.

Are you home alone?

Yeah, it's just me.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Why do you ask?

Because there's someone in your house.

Don't be silly.

Old houses just make a lot of old noises.

There's no one else in there.

Well, goodnight.

Okay.

Happy Halloween.

You know you better get going

while there's still candy left.

Okay. - Okay.

Liza, what's up?

Marcy? I need to talk.

Sure thing, babe.

I don't know how to say this,

but I did something really stupid.

What do you mean stupid?

Oh, with Scott and Tori leaving,

with this deadline from work,

I was in a really bad place and I think,

and I don't know, I just wasn't thinking

and I think I might be

in some really deep sh*t.

Hey, put that pumpkin down.

No. Stop it. Don't you throw that thing.

Hands full with Zoe?

Ugh. No, that was f*cking Burt.

Why the hell would you do that?

No.

Hey, Zoe. Stop it.

Not you too!

Put it down.

I said put it down, not throw it down.

I'm sorry, I have to go.

I'll call you back tomorrow. Love you.

Yeah, whenever I need to talk.

Yeah, right.

Look what that b*tch

Mercedes just wrote on Twitter

two minutes ago.

"This Halloween has been hella weak.

Wish someone good would hold a party,

so I could ditch these losers

and have some fun tonight."

What a b*tch.

Well, if she wasn't so nasty,

maybe she'd be more likable.

If her parents weren't so loaded,

no one would want to hang out with her.

And if her parents didn't

pay for her fake boobs,

she wouldn't have every guy

in the school drooling all over her.

wh*re!

Mercedes, what's wrong girlfriend?

Who the f*ck drank all of my Everclear?

I don't know.

Did your parents drink it?

No. We just got it from the store today.

It's all right girl.

This jungle juice is

strong as hell already.

I never can taste the Everclear anyway.

That's the point of grain alcohol.

You're not supposed to taste it.

What did you put in

this jungle juice anyway?

I'm getting lightheaded.

I'm gonna k*ll my

brother if he used it all.

I just flirted with that

dork at the liquor store

for nothing.

That was Steve.

I went out with him a

few times last summer.

He didn't even recognize

me in my Halloween costume.

I don't think it was

'cause of the costume.

Probably didn't recognize

you because of your nose job.

b*tch! You know why I had it done.

Oh, okay. Let's everybody just stay calm

so that we can get this over with.

Are you ready to do it?

I don't know.

What if she is mad at us?

Well, I don't give a

sh*t if she's mad at us.

It's been a year. Get over it.

Well, we did k*ll her.

So what are we supposed to do?

Just put your fingertips

on it and gently make a circle.

We know you're good at that, Lindsay.

I have Nate for that now.

Well, I dumped his a*s

at the end of the school

year anyways. Whatever.

Who wants another drink?

No, I'm good.

Fill her up.

Well, here you could have mine.

You're used to my leftovers anyway.

You people are sick.

Well, let's get it over with.

What do we have to say?

We have to ask to talk to her.

And say what?

Just making sure you're still dead.

What the f*ck?

Shut up. Have some respect.

Yeah. Maybe we say we're

sorry about what happened.

Whatever. Let's just do it.

Lindsay, your hands are freezing.

Come on. We all have

to have our hands on it

for it to work.

We want to speak to Julia.

Julia, are you there?

Woo.

Shut up, Mercy.

If you don't take this

seriously, it's not gonna work.

Whatever. I'm serious, okay.

Julia, please talk to us.

Is this for real?

Are we really gonna

be doing this all night?

This is by far the lamest.

I can't believe it's working.

I can't believe it's bullshit.

How do we know it's you?

Blue roses.

Blue roses.

What the f*ck does that mean?

When we were kids,

we used to put food coloring into vases

because we read somewhere

that it turns the flowers different colors.

The blue roses were her favorite.

So the day after her funeral,

I brought a bouquet to her grave.

No way.

Julia, I'm so sorry about

what happened last Halloween.

I'll never forgive myself

for letting this happen.

I hope you didn't suffer.

Were you in pain?

Yes.

Do you forgive us?

b*tch, I swear to God,

if you are moving it.

Shut up, Mercy.

Don't tell me to g*dd*mn shut up.

Come on guys.

We're gonna lose a connection.

Everybody, shut up!

Julia, is there anything that we can do

to make it up to you?

Die?

This is bullshit.

I cannot believe you guys convinced me

to spend Halloween this way.

We are the reason that she's dead,

the least we can do is apologize!

And we did. Done. Move on.

That's pretty heartless.

If you guys wanna waste

your whole night with this sh*t,

then that's your own problem.

But I'm not spending the

night playing a board game

because that's what I am right now. Bored.

That's bullshit!

Don't you feel bad at all?

Julia died, not us.

You guys can live your lives feeling sorry,

but I've moved on.

It's not healthy to live like this.

You said that you were sober!

She offered to drive and you

said that you weren't drunk.

It was my dad's car.

He would've k*lled me if

I let someone else drive.

You f*cking k*lled Julia!

You mean we k*lled Julia.

You guys were all in

that car and drunk too.

Insurance got you a new car,

but nothing is gonna bring Julia back.

This is the least we can do.

Okay. I'm sorry.

I really do feel guilty.

I'm sorry Ouija board.

I just don't want to

think about this anymore.

I mean, I think we all need

to go out for a few drinks

and forget about this for one night.

Come on, get your

fake IDs, let's go to a bar.

Mercy, don't you remember last time?

We're all drunk now.

Speak for yourselves.

I barely drank anything.

Remember my Everclear bottle was empty?

Come on, I'll drive.

Now get over here both of you.

Now!

Have a safe drive tonight, girls.

Don't worry, Mercedes,

none of your alcohol went to waste.

You got plenty to drink tonight, trust me.

Happy Halloween. I'll see you real soon.

Oh, why, look at you.

Trick or treat.

I see the great pumpkin

rising outta the pumpkin patch.

I love your costume.

Thank you. My mom made it for me.

Oh, she did?

Well that's pretty cool.

Mom's are pretty awesome like that.

Oh, I'm sorry. Here you go.

So who are you with tonight?

I'm here with my dad.

Oh, your dad? Okay.

Well, here is a piece of candy for him too.

Thank you.

And make sure to thank

your mom for taking the time

to make your costume, okay?

Okay.

Dad, this is from the nice lady.

Okay.

Kevin, listen honey.

I have some bad news.

Hospital called and your mom died.

Kevin, a letter from the lawyer.

Your mom left us some money.

A lot of money.

So what do you think about Italian leather

for the new couches?

It's a little bit more expensive,

but our living room will look incredible.

Kevin, I wanted to talk

to you about something.

Remember my friend Janet, right?

She's been having a little bit of trouble

with money ever since the divorce.

So I told her she

could borrow a little bit.

That's okay, right?

I figured we could do some good

with the money your mom left us.

Oh no.

b*tch, if that's you, I'm

gonna smash the sh*t outta you.

Oh f*ck!

These kids are gonna k*ll me.

Oh my.

Trick or treat.

Oh, please don't bite my neck, Dracula.

I bet you have some pretty

scary teeth hidden behind

that mask.

Jimmy, put your mask back on, sweetheart.

Ma'am, are you all right?

Ma'am?

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, Mr. Dracula,

there is no blood for you,

but I do have these caramels,

so make sure you eat

these when you get home

so you don't get your mask all gooey, okay?

And you see that weirdo

standing by the bush over there?

Why don't you go over

there and scare him away

with those vampire teeth?

Okay.

Jimmy, what are you doing?

I told you not to go up to strangers.

Help! Help! Somebody help!

Hello? Is there anybody there? Help me.

Stop it. You are making

this so much harder

than it has to be.

What did I tell you about

keeping quiet down here?

I have got very important

work I need to do upstairs.

So shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you.

You got it?

Please.

Oh, f*ck. What the f*ck am I doing?

Just. Okay.

Seems like we all just had enough

We spring on these

whenever life gets rough

We all just wanna change

And to still just stay the same

And as you will hide your time is up

No way. They wouldn't take it back,

even though it was still in the package?

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Well, did you talk to the manager?

Follow the guidelines.

Good.

For safety, citizens are asked

to either leave a bowl of candy outside,

or make sure all

participants in trick-or-treating

are wearing a mask.

Many parents are...

I'm sorry. Well.

Dangerous activity.

You could sit back now

and enjoy the night, right?

There's just not much

going on, anyway, this year.

The mayor has labeled...

I have an exciting night ahead.

Yeah, I'm gonna binge watch election news.

Ooh, spooky.

Hang on.

It's in the bowl on the ground.

You walked right past it.

Take a few pieces,

but just take all the ones

that you touch, okay?

Thank you.

Are you kidding me?

It's on the ground in a bowl.

Oh my goodness.

Look, I've gotta go.

These kids don't know

how to follow simple rules.

Okay. Yep. Happy Halloween.

Thank you. All right, goodnight, Karen.

Someone ate the whole bowl of candy.

What the freak?

Hey kids, I'm really sorry.

I had a whole bowl of candy right there,

but someone decided to be selfish,

and eat the whole damn thing.

I'm so sorry, but you are

not wearing any masks.

I can't open the door to give you anything.

I'm sorry. I can't help you.

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave now.

It's for your own safety too.

Go on. Come on.

Where

a town is being terrorized

by a mysterious man wearing a mask.

Several residents in

North Stanford notified

that a man had been harassing them

by standing outside of the

windows, refusing to leave.

Police approached the man

and attempted to question him

when he violently shot

him off from the scene.

Police have warned the

man is considered dangerous

and is still at large.

During a year where Halloween activities

are

considered high risk.

Are you kidding me? Ugh.

Why would you ring the doorbell

if there's no candy in the gosh damn bowl?

With breaking news,

this is Jenn Breaking.

Okay.

Oh, hi there.

Oh, that's a nice costume.

At least somebody followed the rules.

Now you wait right there.

I can't let you leave without a goodie.

I'm gonna go to the kitchen

and see if I could find something, okay.

All right. I'll be right back.

Did I eat all that candy?

What the hell?

Hello?

Is anybody there?

Little boy?

Get off! Get off!

Hello! Help me please.

Can't you hear me?

Please!

I'm sorry, can't help you.

You're not wearing a mask.

What?

I gotta turn that

f*cking porch light off.

Hi there.

What do you say?

Come on, really?

It's Halloween, you know the rules.

Trick or treat?

Where's your costume, anyway?

Can't you at least try?

I'm a sociopath.

I'm sure you are.

You know what? Here. Take the rest.

Really?

Sure things, better

you eating it than me?

I can have all of this?

What? What was that?

What was what?

I heard a noise.

No, you didn't.

Help!

I definitely heard that.

Oh, that. I am just watching a movie.

Help! Please somebody help!

A scary movie.

You better get going.

I heard the neighbors ran outta candy

and now they're giving away money.

Really?

Mhm-hmm, yeah.

Help! Please help me!

I have a really sick taste in movies.

Okay.

Goodnight.

Oh f*ck!

What the f*ck am I doing?

Oh f*ck!

What the f*ck am I doing?

Just.

This is a Chateau Lafite Rothschild 2008.

It's silky with a little bit

of a jammy undertone.

Oh, you'll like it.

It'll put you in another world.

You know, I'm really

glad we met this evening.

You know, all those other women at the bar

and there really crass Halloween costumes,

I, but I noticed you right away.

You were the only one

with a sense of style.

Oh, it's okay.

I actually think we're

communicating very well.

Were you born this way?

Oh, I see.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, I picked that up

on my last trip to Venice.

I pride myself on having an eye

for what's unique and sublime. Cheers.

Must be some trick or treaters.

But don't wait on me, have some. Savor it.

Oh boy, what a great costume.

Trick or treat.

You know what these are?

These are Puccini Bombonis.

These are imported

chocolates from Amsterdam.

Yeah, here you go. Okay.

Have fun, okay, enjoy.

Run around the next house.

Okay, bye bye.

That's all right.

Did you get to try some first?

That's unfortunate.

We'll clean it up.

Don't worry, I'll get some towels.

No, no, no, it's fine. It's fine.

No, really, it's no bother.

All right, if you insist.

Must be trick or treaters,

I'll be right back.

Trick or treat.

Ah, great. Here, hurry up. Pick one.

Hmm.

Mm-mm.

Come on.

Try the Verona chocolates, they're French.

Mm-mm.

Finally. Right.

Alright, terrific. Bye now.

You look tense.

Why don't you lean back and

let me give you a massage.

I'll make all of your pain go away.

Gotta be kidding me.

Alright. Here, look. Just take 'em. Take.

See these?

Jacques Torres, finest

chocolate here in the world.

But take em. Get outta here.

Go where it's safe.

Whitney? Christ.

Whitney, where are you?

Tonight on this

horrifying all Hollows Eve,

the small town of Lanford

is on the brink of terror

as a serial k*ller is still at large.

The suspect is known

to target singles in bars,

and local establishments as they search

for their next victim to prey on.

Earlier today, police

identified the suspect

as Whitney Warren, a

young woman from Lanford

who should be considered

extremely dangerous.

Warren is responsible

for the violent deaths

of three innocent men over

the course of the last year.

We spoke with several eyewitnesses

who say that they saw

Warren earlier tonight.

Yeah, so me

and my buddies were out

at the bar tonight, you

know, having a couple drinks

and, you know.

911,

what's your emergency?

Hello? Yeah, this is Connor Carolhard.

Yeah, she's here.

Whitney Warren, the

serial k*ller, she's here.

Yeah, well, I tracked

her down before you guys.

She k*lled my brother, I know it.

Dressed up for Halloween.

Yeah, well, I got her to my house.

I tried to knock her out, but she got away.

She's loose. She's loose in the house.

You've got to send somebody over.

Yeah, my address is.

Hello? Hello?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Help! Help me! Help me!

Shut the f*ck up!

Oh my God, you're

making this so much worse.

Someone please help me.

Shut up. Ow!

What the f*ck?

You need to calm down now!

Why are you doing this?

I had my reasons.

I know who you are.

I'm sure you do.

My mom and her boyfriend

warned me about you.

I'm sure whatever

they told you, it's untrue.

Untrue? Listen to yourself.

You kidnapped me and

tied me up in your basement,

you stupid b*tch!

All right, this isn't

what it looks like, okay.

It's just.

Help, help!

Please help me!

Somebody help!

Shut up! Just shut your

mouth and stay here, okay?

Please!

Who are you? What the hell do you want?

Candy.

I don't have candy.

All right, listen, I can't help you.

You need to go look for

candy somewhere else.

You need to leave right now!

You know, a cop lives

right down the street,

if I yell, he'll be here in five seconds.

Go away now! I mean it.

What the f*ck was that?

All right as*h*le, I have

had enough sh*t tonight.

Oh my God, I'm so sorry guys.

Hey, I wasn't yelling at you.

I'm really sorry.

How dare you speak to my kids this way?

I am gonna be filing a complaint

with the neighborhood association.

I'm really sorry.

I thought that it was just...

There was just this prank and.

Oh, sorry, my a*s.

Now you're really gonna get it, b*tch!

Come on, kids.

Who the f*ck was that?

How the hell should I know?

He was huge and he was asking for you.

I don't know.

Okay, Candee, listen to me.

I'm really sorry I tied you up down here,

but you have to work with me.

Work with you?

You drugged me and

dragged me to your basement.

Listen, I couldn't stand the thought

of your mother taking my

husband and my daughter away.

She didn't take them away, they left you.

Ow.

Ah f*ck!

I am sorry.

I didn't know how to react.

When they left, I just freaked.

Like you have to understand.

So you think taking her

daughter will make it even?

You need to let me go now!

You need to tell that

guy that you're safe

and just to leave me alone.

What guy?

That huge f*cking guy

who was in my front porch.

I have no idea who you're talking about.

He asked for you, he knows you're here.

How does he know you're here?

I don't know.

Maybe my mom and Scott

hired someone to go find me.

Okay, listen, I'm gonna let you go, okay?

And no one ever needs to hear

about any of this ever again, okay?

Okay.

Okay. I'm gonna open that door

and then you're gonna

tell him that you're safe

and I'm gonna let you go.

You got it?

Untie me first.

No, you tell him first.

Listen, you untie

me, I'll tell him I'm safe

and then I'm gonna leave.

I won't turn you in.

Yeah, sure, you won't.

I won't, I promise.

Stay here.

Okay. Tell him now. Tell him now!

Help!

f*ck.

Okay. Look, you win.

You can have Candee, just leave now please.

I am sorry, okay.

Look, it was just a big

misunderstanding, all right.

What else do you want?

Candy.

I told you, she already left.

Thank you.

What do you want?

All you wanted was candy?

Oh, sh*t! She puked on Liza.