There's a Zombie Outside (2024)

[bunniefuu]

[static droning]

[garbled dialogue from TV]

[unsettling rhythmic music]

[birds chirping]

[yawning]

Oh, welcome back to

the land of the living.

Was I out long?

Long enough.

Not that it matters.

You guys know that

I always need a nap

after a boozy brunch.

Don't let him push your buttons.

It's your birthday. You do

whatever the f*ck you want.

Is that Adam?

Your man awaits.

Why are you always such trash?

What'd I do?

You're up!

Yeah, sorry.

Those mimosas

hit me pretty hard.

Ah. Well, that's the cost

of wild living.

Yeah. Not wild enough

for some, apparently.

What do you mean?

Zeke just keeps making

these little comments

that suggest that

he's not exactly thrilled

with the weekend's festivities.

Or, you know, lack thereof.

Whatever.

Not everything's some

big Fire Island bender.

I mean, the whole idea

that all g*y getaways

have to be substance-abusing,

sex-filled chaos is reductive.

So you're not, like, mad

that there's not more to do?

Or that your boyfriend

is sleeping the day away?

Absolutely not.

I mean, the whole point

of this vacation

is to do absolutely

nothing, right?

Besides, when I came in earlier

to check up on you,

you looked so cute,

all wrapped up in your blankets.

Snoozing to one of those

stupid films that you love.

The work of Ted V. Michaels

is not stupid.

It's just,

you know, misunderstood.

Well, not that it matters.

I must have slept

through the whole thing.

When I woke up,

there was just dead air.

Well, next time we're in

the bedroom, we'll be...

I don't know, revving things up?

[wind rustling]

[low rumbling]

-[roaring]

-Oh my god!

What the hell?

What the f*ck?

Did you see?

See what?

It was watching us.

It? I--

What are you talking about?

Out there.

I don't see anything.

[Adam] It-- it was there.

It was.

What?

I don't know how else

to say this, but...

[creature screaming]

[frightening music]

[Ollie]

Could you say that again?

I told you,

there is a zombie outside.

Or at least something

that looks like a zombie.

I thought you said we weren't

bringing party drugs

this weekend.

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

You know how that sounds, right?

Maybe you've been watching

too many of those movies.

Oh, okay.

What actually happened?

Well, we were having

an intimate moment.

An intimate moment?

Were you two gonna f*ck

in the kitchen?

We make food in here.

Zeke, it's--

Continue.

And I looked outside,

and there was someone

out there watching us.

Like-- like, hardcore.

Now, when you say "hardcore..."

Zeke!

I don't see anyone.

Well, yeah,

they probably ran away

during all of the commotion,

but there was someone out there.

I-- I swear!

All right, then.

Let's go take a look.

I'm sorry, what?

Well, as far as I know,

the closest house

is a good mile and a half

down the road, so, uh...

If someone's

wandering around outside,

I think we should probably know.

So you want us to go look

for a peeper.

Have you watched any

of the true crime documentaries

that I recommended?

Well, if you'd bother to take

any of the CrossFit classes

that I recommended...

You wouldn't have anything

to worry about.

b*tch, how very dare.

If anything,

I am the muscles of the group.

Okay, uh, are we

gonna do this, or what?

[Ollie clearing throat,

exhaling]

I mean, i-is it too late

to vote for or what?

[eerie keyboard music]

Anybody see anything?

What if it went into the woods?

Wouldn't be very smart.

Neither is assuming an intruder

is gonna stick to

the manicured parts of the lawn.

The only reason

-that we were out here...

-[screaming]

What?



-What is it?

-There.

Do you see it?

See what?

That... monster...

is...

jogging?

You made it sound like

something was wrong.

Well, there could be,

if he's solely relying

on cardio for exercise.

He's such an idiot.

Uh, hi.

Is everything okay?

Fine. I think.

We are renting this house

for the weekend, and, um...

my partner here, he thought

he saw someone in the yard.

Yeah.

You been peeping

anybody's windows today?

-What?

-Uh, what my friend here

is trying to ask is

if you've seen anyone around.

Honestly, just you guys.

It's pretty under-populated

this time of the year.

Yeah. We kinda noticed.

Where did you come from?

Pretty far out for a run.

I'm just staying

at my uncle's cabin up the road.

Come here a lot in

the off-season, just to chill.

This is the only road

in and out, right?

That's what they tell me.

And you're on your way

back from your run.

Okay, get to the point,

Angela Lansbury.

I am.

Look, if this is the only road,

then he had to have

passed the house earlier

when he left for his run.

Yeah, I did.

Like a half hour ago.

Which is exactly around the time

when Adam thought

he saw someone.

-Okay, case closed.

-Yep.

Look, Adam, you just saw

our neighbor here

getting some exercise.

No creepers, no zombies,

just an afternoon run.

Zombies?

Yeah. Look, I know

the difference between--

Okay, there you have it.

Okay, Adam, I'd say...

you need glasses, babe, but...

you already got 'em.

Sue your eye doctor

or something.

Now, can we please

go back inside?

There is a bottle

of margarita mix

waiting to help us all

forget we wasted our time

Scooby-Dooing around

this f*cking yard.

-Look, I just think--

-Sorry about all this, really.

I hope you guys have a good...

whatever it is

that you're doing here.

Hey, you coming?



Sorry.

[laughter]

[Ollie] Okay, that is

absolutely not fair.

b*tch, I have

photographic evidence, okay?

You in a hot pink feather boa

and matching pink platforms.

I would love to see that.

-That can be arranged.

-Under no circumstances

are those photos

exchanging hands, got it?

Okay, we'll see about that.

And why did I

not know about this?

It was way before your time.

Yeah, I had just moved.

It-- it was my first

summer in the city.

Oh. God, everything just felt

so new then.

Yeah.

Well how come you guys stopped

doing all those performances?

I mean, it sounds like

it was a blast.

Oh, I wasn't in it

for the long haul.

It was more like a weekend thing

so I could cope with

my awful minimum wage job.

The artist life is more

your boy's thing.

Uh... yeah, I don't know

how much of my thing

it ended up being, but thanks.

Come on, babe, don't be

so hard on yourself.

I mean, I'm not being

hard on myself.

It's just true.

Yeah, I have to kind of

side with Ollie here.

You've done some great stuff.

Yeah? Like what?

A Fringe Fest play that

tens of people saw?

Or some short films

that disappeared

as soon as

the festival circuit was over?

I mean, hell, you're talking

about our cabaret

from back in the day,

and we couldn't even

sell those out.

Adam.

No, I'm fine. It's just...

I guess--

I guess I just thought

I'd have made a dent by now.

You know, I've been

doing this for years,

and yet I keep losing

jobs to guys

with less experience

and more abs.

I just wish we could have

had a birthday party

where I was celebrating

a win, and--

not just another year

of me kidding myself.

Babe, you're not

kidding yourself.

It's your dream,

and it's a really hard one.

And as a friend, it's so

inspiring to watch you

just keep going at it.

I just feel like

I am spinning my wheels.

And you know the worst part?

It has completely

zapped my creativity. I--

Everything I try to

write down anymore just...

feels so artificial.

Well, that can't

entirely be true.

I'm sure something inspires you.

Right, anyone else need a drink?

Uh, no.

If anything, the last

few minutes have proven that

I should probably cut myself off

and just turn in.

[Ollie] Yeah, same.

I would prefer not to be

super hungover tomorrow.

Alright, boo to

both of you, but I get it.

I'm just gonna go

pour myself another one, and

then go take it to my bedroom

and do my nighttime reading.

-Ooh, salacious.

-You know it.

Do you need help with him?

Oh, f*ck no.

He drank himself into a stupor,

so he can lie where he lays.

Not our problem.

-All right.

-Bye, goodnight.

Have a good night.

Night, babe. Sleep tight.

Mm, you too.

-Uh, hey, Louis.

-What's up?

Thank you.

Of course, babe. Happy birthday.

I'm sorry it's not what

you want it to be, but...

there's always next year.

And look at the bright side.

You look amazing for 40.

Oh, you b*tch.

Oh, you know it.

[insects chirping]

[Ollie]

Well, that was a fun night.

Nice to reminisce.

Yeah.

Sorry if I got too deep.

Oh, isn't that

what birthdays are for?

Reflecting and sh*t?

I guess.

Well, in the spirit of things,

if you wanna go deep

another way...

Really?

Hey, you're

the writer here, okay?

I'm trying.

And besides, that doesn't

answer the question.

Can you just give me a second?

What's going on, Adam?

What do you mean?

Do you even want to, with me?

What? Yes, of course I do.

I just--

just not right now.

I'm not in the headspace.

When are you gonna be

in the headspace, exactly?

Are you serious? Are you--

are you getting mad at me

because I don't wanna

have sex right now?

No, this is not about the sex.

This is about everything.

This is about how you've been

pushing me away for weeks.

I have not been

pushing you away.

Oh, bullshit.

You barely touch me anymore.

And you treat

every interaction with me

like it's some inconvenience.

I mean, f*ck,

I tried kissing you today.

-And I got a bloody nose for it.

-That is not fair.

-You know that I thought I saw--

-Yeah, I remember.

Is being touched by me so bad

that you have to

make up monsters?

You know, I thought

that you were

just having

a birthday pity party.

You were in your feelings.

It wasn't about me.

No, it isn't. I...

It was bad enough

that you eye-f*cked

that jogger earlier

and didn't think that I noticed.

But then I had to sit there

next to you

on that couch tonight,

and listen to you

tell your friends about

how nothing inspires you

or excites you anymore.

That kind of puts the writing

on the wall for me, doesn't it?

That is not what I meant.

That's how it feels.



Do you even wanna

be with me anymore?

Do you even know

what you want at all?

-No, Ollie, I--

-Don't bother.

[Zeke sighing]

f*ck.

[insects chirping]

[ominous music]

[TV buzzing]

Great. Hello?

Just a minute.

Oh, come on.

Some of us have to piss.

[action film score]

[Zeke] Oh. Come on.

[thumping]

Hello?

[knocking]

I said just a minute.

Oh. Whatever.

Oh...

[unzipping]

[splashing]

Oh, f*ck...

Oh.

[rustling]

[screaming]

-[moaning]

-[creature growling]



[breathing]



Hello?

[rumbling sound]

[wind whistling]

Yeah, what am I even

doing out here?

I don't normally just meet

strangers in the woods, but...

[growling]

It's you.

[intense music]

[moaning]

[panting]

[moaning]

[growling]

[insects chirping]

[eerie music]

Adam, is that you?

Adam!

[screen buzzing]

[insects chirping]

[knocking at door]

[heavy knocking]

[rapid knocking]

[frantic music]

What?

You know, you should be cuffed.

Lucky for you,

I don't really feel

like being hassled right now.

That, and I know I could

kick your a*s

if you put up a fuss.

Right. Sure.

So you mind telling me

what you were doing,

taking a long nap in a house

that doesn't belong to you?

I don't know.

I-- I really don't.

"I don't know. I really don't."

You know, I'm gonna need

a little more than that.

Not for me, because I don't

really give a sh*t,

but for the guys down

at the station, they--

They will. They'll care a lot.

You from around here?

Uh, no, I'm--

I'm not even really sure where--

I know you.

You do?

[sighing]

You made that zombie movie

up here a couple years ago.

Zombie?

I can't believe

I didn't recognize you.

It's probably because it's dark

and dingy in here, but yeah.

You guys made that movie.

We don't get a lot of movies

that sh**t around these parts,

so I take it as my business

to watch all of them,

even the really cheesy ones.

Yeah, this is a great location.

You know, a lot of people

got down on that movie

because of the zombie sex.

Not me.

Because I knew it was

for the art, right?

And I didn't even really mind

about that other stuff either.

Just so you know.

Right, yeah. Yeah. Good to know.

Hmm. Filming a zombie movie.

Let me see what I can do.

And not because

I'm giving you a free pass

for what you did here tonight,

'cause this is

just kind of weird.

Because I know that

sometimes actors do...

eccentric things.

Don't move.

I understand.

[eerie music]

[eerie music building]

[ominous music]

-[Officer Findlay] Ben!

-[Ben] Huh?

Ben Baur.

That's your name, right?

[laughs]

I gotta admit, I looked it up

on IMDB when I was in the car.

Y-- Yeah, that's my name.

You're actor Ben Baur.

Look, I made a call.

I talked to the owners

of the house.

They're not gonna press charges.

But they strongly inferred

that they'd like you

to not do this again.

Okay?

So if you ever get

the urge to come up here

and, you know,

sleep in somebody else's house,

maybe don't.

Right. O-- Okay.

All right, well,

how'd you get up here?

[suspenseful music]

I...

I-- I don't actually know.

[Findlay] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[sighs] Actors and drugs.

Do you have somebody

you could call?

Do you think the owners would

mind if I used their phone?

I understand that, Officer.

Thank you, again.

Look, it may not

be my place to say,

and I don't know if this

is patterned behavior or what,

but you might wanna talk

to your friend about therapy...

something, maybe rehab.

I'll definitely

keep that in mind.

[somber music]

[music turns suspenseful]

Look, I'm just gonna ask you

this straight up,

with zero judgment.

Are you okay?

[sighs]

I think so.

Okay, but, like, you're fine?

Like, you're not hurt

or sick or anything?

Yes, I mean,

I-- I feel fine.

Okay.

Okay.

-In that case...

-[loud thud]

What in the actual f*ck, Ben?

I thought you said there

was gonna be zero judgment.

Well, that was before

you declared you were fine.

I meant physically.

Obviously, I am not fine.

I-- I don't know

what the f*ck is happening.

It's 4:00 a.m.

It took me two and a half hours

to get down here

from Los Angeles.

The sun will be up

before we get home.

You better start

figuring it out, Ben,

because I'm gonna need

some kind of explanation.

I told you, I don't know.

I-- Whenever I try

to concentrate,

to remember,

it's just like static

in my head.

Yeah, that's not

concerning at all.

Look, I haven't heard

from you in weeks.

That-- that can't be true.

Look, I can only

speak for myself,

but when my best friend

goes radio silent

for almost a month,

-I would tend to notice.

-I didn't realize.

So you can imagine

my feelings when this,

of all calls, is the one

to break the silence.

Last time we talked,

you were hyped up

about a big audition you had,

and then, nothing.

Have you become

that much of an actor

that normal engagement

is just too much for you?

-[static buzzes]

-Audition?

Yeah, I said other words

in there, too.

[suspenseful music]

I'm not gonna bust your ba*ls,

because clearly you're going

through something right now,

and I care about you.

But this one-sided stuff

is just not okay.

I-- I get it. I do.

Mm-hmm.

You seriously

can't remember anything?

All I recall is that

I was at home watching a movie,

and then the next thing I know,

I-- I'm being woken up

by the police officer

in that house.

Okay, wait.

So, you're chilling,

watching a flick,

and the next thing you know,

you've B&E'd into a house

you shot at five years ago?

Was that five years ago?

Are you sure you're not

taking anything?

As far as I know.

Look, clearly we're not

gonna solve anything tonight.

But next time you decide

to go on a vision quest

and break into one

of your old filming locations,

maybe pick a place

up the street,

where we shot the web series,

and not some place that requires

two highway exchanges

and a rural access code

to get to, okay?

I'll-- I'll try my best.

Oh, speaking of the bumfuck

remoteness of it all,

how did the people who own

the house know you were there?

Oh, uh, apparently they have

cameras all over the house.

God, you can't trust anyone

these days.

No.

You can't.

[ominous music]

[sirens wailing]

[door latch clicks]

You sure you're gonna be okay

by yourself?

I think so.

All right.

But to be clear, we are not done

talking about all this.

I just need to get

some serious sleep first.

Yeah, for sure, you should--

You should go do that.

Okay, then.

I'll be fine, really.

Can you say that for sure?

Can anyone?

Well, with that

cheerful thought.

-[clucks tongue]

-Hey, Taryn?

Hmm?

Thank you.

Oh, you will definitely be

thanking me over the course

of several dinners that you will

definitely be paying for.

[laughs]

[lips smacking]

Love you.

You, too.

[ominous music]

[sighs]

[sucks in air]

[sucks in air]





[phone buzzing]

[sighs]

-Hello?

-[agent] You broke into a house?

Do you understand what

a PR disaster that is?

Or rather, would be, if anyone

was actually paying

any attention?

Our client list is small,

and we can't be personally

invested in behavior

that is harmful to the brand.

Uh, personally invested?

I haven't heard from you guys

in weeks.

[agent] That's not true.

I sent you on that audition.

A month ago.

Uh, and it was very clear

that they didn't want anyone

who read as g*y.

[agent] That's your problem.

I get you the appointment.

You're the one

that has to show up and act.

If they don't want something,

don't give it to them.

Okay, but that's one of

the things I bring to the table.

I-- I want to be

making q*eer art.

[agent] Yeah, so you said.

Your generation,

and your message movies.

Don't think I don't get it,

but that's not the biz.

You wanna sell tickets,

you have to go broad.

Otherwise,

you're going to be stuck with

web series and indie movies.

And let's face it,

you haven't exactly

booked any of those

lately, either.

Okay, so--

so, what can we do?

[agent] We are not

going to do anything.

In case I haven't made myself

entirely clear,

I can't rep you anymore.

You're dropping me?

[agent] Come on, kid.

You haven't landed a gig

in forever,

which already put you in a

tenuous position on our roster.

And now with the hijinks

last night,

well, it's not exactly

like you're a winning bet.

I don't f*cking

believe this sh*t.

You knew what kind of movies

I wanted to make,

and you didn't even try to find

projects that were a match.

[agent] Yeah? Well,

have you ever considered

that you were maybe

being unrealistic?

Actors don't have

the luxury of getting

to pick their own identity.

Other people tell you

who you are,

and you graciously smile,

and take the paycheck.

[static droning]

[ominous music]

[eerie music]

[line ringing]

[Taryn] Hey, this is Taryn.

Sorry I can't answer your--

[pounding on door]

[ominous music]

[pounding on door]

[pounding on door]

[ominous music builds]

[pounding on door]

[pounding, thumping]



[eerie music]

[podcast host] I mean,

you do have those movies

like Shaun of the Dead,

where you do have

a semi-happy ending

to a zombie movie,

but I'm just saying that it

seems like a losing proposition.

Okay, but in the spirit

of our show, I have to ask,

is there a proper way

to survive a zombie movie?

[podcast host 2] I think it

depends on the kind of zombie.

Are we talking voodoo zombies

or, like, brain

munch, munch zombies?

It's a very,

very important distinction.

[podcast host] Okay, so, uh,

for argument's sake,

let's go for the classic

Romero-style,

although we have to point out

for our horror hounds

that it isn't actually a zombie

in Night of the Living Dead,

it is a ghoul,

so let's just make that clear.

[podcast host 2] The ghouls.

See, it's a classic ghoul.

Okay, sure, sure, sure.

I'll bite.

[makes munching sounds]

[both hosts laugh]

[podcast host 2] You know, I

gotta bring the puns, all right?

-So, thank you so much.

-[podcast host] Nice.

[podcast host 2]

But how do you survive?

I mean, like,

honestly, you don't.

[ominous music]



[panting]

Ben?

I thought that was you.

Is everything okay?

Is it-- is it really you?

Yeah, it's really me, buddy.

Is something going on?

I-- I don't know. I--

I really don't know.

That's fair.

You wanna go somewhere,

and talk about it?

Maybe grab a drink?

Isn't it-- Isn't it a bit early?

It's Hollywood.

And we're g*y.

So... what do you say?

So I said, "If you're getting

YouTube numbers,

then I'm gonna

need some YouTube money."

And then they caved.

I'm gonna be honest, I don't

know what any of that means.

Neither do I.

[laughs] But it worked,

and it got me the down payment

for my brand new car, so...

Well, cheers to that.

So, what about you?

Are you working on anything?

Not really.

I don't even really know what

I'm doing anymore, to be honest.

Is that the reason why you went

all Lifetime Original

out on the street?

I guess.

Kinda.

Look, dude, I get it.

But... isn't this

the life that we chose?

This business is just one

big existential crisis.

Maybe it isn't, though.

Maybe it's just the truth.

We have a whole city of people

who take playing pretend

very seriously,

and maybe that's because we know

that the pretend is the only

thing that's real.

Well, I mean, obviously,

there's always truth in art.

No, that's not what I mean.

I'm not talking about

finding the truth in art,

but what if art is the truth?

Do you ever think about it?

That-- that movie we made,

I mean, the one with the--

-with the zombie.

-Oh, that movie?

Sometimes, yeah.

I mean, that was such

a fun summer.

Do you wanna know what was wild?

My character in that wasn't even

supposed to have a name.

But my reps threw a fit, mainly

because they wanted more money.

But that's why,

if you remember in the script,

they had "Hot Jogger" crossed

out, and "Dylan" written in.

They were so cheap, they didn't

even update the draft.

I guess I didn't realize that.

Did you care?

Not really.

I mean, my character

was only there

to be the conduit to your

character's break with reality.

I think.

To be honest, I never fully

really understood

what was going on in that.

And I never bothered

to ask Michael.

Michael?

Varrati.

The writer and the director.

Didn't you guys make, like,

a bunch of movies together?

Right, yeah. Of-- of course.

[laughs]

Yeah, day drinking.

-I hear that.

-[both laughing]

[somber music]

What made you think of that one?

I guess it's just been

on my mind a lot lately.

I don't know why.

It was fun, but it was

definitely niche.

It was too q*eer

for horror fans,

and too horror for q*eer fans.

But what do I know?

Maybe it'll be one of those

rediscovered classics.

Yeah, but what if all of that

is just irrelevant?

It--

We're talking about it

like it fits in some box,

but what if the box

doesn't actually exist?

I don't follow.

What if--

what if it's not just a movie?

What do you mean?

In the story,

the zombie showed up

when we were all

commiserating failure.

What-- What if that was more

than just symbolic?

Ben, I'm not sure I really--

What if when we uncover

the truth in art,

even if unintentionally,

we can't deny that it's there?

I'm not really digging

this conversation.

I've been seeing it, Danny.

Seeing what?

The zombie.

It's-- It's not just

in the movie.

What? Do you hear yourself?

Look, I am telling you

because you were there.

Hell, I probably ran into you

because it was meant to be.

Uh, because you

were a part of it.

No one else would believe me.

I don't believe you.

Look, I don't fully

understand myself,

but somehow, some way, parts

of the movie are coming true.

I-- I woke up in the house.

And I'm seeing

the zombie everywhere.

Ben!

Zombies aren't real.

The movie isn't real.

No?

Then why has it been standing

outside watching us

this entire time?

[ominous music]

Do you see what I mean?

-I gotta go.

-No, Danny!

No. We're done.

It was nice seeing you, Ben.

Hey, uh, sir,

is-- is everything okay?

Because I couldn't help

but overhear that--

I'm-- I'm fine.

Everything's fine.

Um...

[eerie music]

[street din]

[line ringing]

[street vendor] Handmade belts!

[Michael] Hey,

it's Michael Varrati.

Unfortunately, I can't

take your call right now,

but if you wanna

leave a message--

[siren wailing]

[Taryn on phone] Hey, it's me.

Not to be nosy, but a friend

of mine from improv

said that she thought she saw

you at some restaurant

in the valley,

causing a scene today.

Maybe it wasn't you,

but, like, just for--

[ominous music]

[keys clicking]











Everyone agrees

that death is hard,

but this next film really

redefines what that means.

From writer-director

Michael Varrati,

this tale of necrotic neuroses

has left fright fans divided.

Whether this movie

has something to say

or just something to spray,

one thing's for sure.

There's A Zombie Outside

has bared its teeth gaily.

[screaming]

[horror host] Telling the story

of man who believes

he's being stalked

by a living dead creature.

I don't know about you,

but I don't really get

what he's complaining about.

Silent, strong,

and only paying attention to me?



[line ringing]

[voicemail]

Hey, it's Michael Varrati.

Unfortunately, I can't

take your call right now,

but if you wanna

leave a message--

[solemn music]

[suspenseful music]

Whatever you do,

keep that door closed.

[door rattling]

[Adam] It's too late.

What?

I let the zombie inside.

What?

[whimpering]

[rewinding]

Whatever you do,

keep that door closed.

[door rattling]

[Adam] It's too late.

[Ollie] What?

[Adam] I let the zombie inside.

[Ollie] What?

[ominous music]

[crickets chirping]



[static droning]

[static continues]

[distant thud]



[music intensifies]

[snarling]



[music stops]

[water rushing]

[static droning]

[unsettling music building]



[music stops]

[knocking at door]

[intense music]

[knocking at door]

[knocking continues]



[static droning]

Not here.

Do you hear me? Not here.

[knocking at door]

[tense music]

Is there a reason you haven't

been answering any of my calls?

-I've been busy.

-No one's that busy.

And I'm actually not calling

to gossip about boys.

I'm actually worried about--

Jesus Christ, Ben.

This place is a wreck!

When's the last time

you left the apartment?

Why are you here?

And how did you get

into my building, anyway?

Okay, first off,

your doorman can't resist

a little va-va-voom. [chuckles]

And second, I'm here

because the last time

you didn't answer

any of my calls for a spell,

I had to cross over two counties

in the middle of the night

-to come get you.

-Well...

I'm-- I'm fine.

This does not look fine to me.

[Ben] What are you doing?

[Taryn] Something is up,

and I'm not leaving here

until I get some answers.

I don't like this. Any of it.

[Ben]

Don't take this the wrong way,

but none of this

is your concern.

[Taryn] Oh, you've made that

abundantly clear.

What is that supposed to mean?

It means, this is some

fairly standard bullshit.

You're not the main character

in everyone's life, Ben.

I have things that happen to me

that matter outside of you.

So when you relegate me to

some one-dimensional role,

it's f*cking frustrating.

And when you're getting

objectively worse...

It also makes me feel like

I'm not even doing

one dimension right.

What? I--

You are the one who was

insisting on inserting yourself.

Because you got me involved

in the first place!

Now, what the f*ck

is going on with you?

I don't really know

how to explain it.

Well, try.

And maybe let's start with why

you've locked yourself in here.

[gentle music]

Because it's out there.

[Taryn] "It"?

-The zombie.

-[music turns ominous]

I'm sorry, what?

The zombie? What,

like the one from your movie?

Yes!

At least that's what it

seemed like initially, anyway.

You're not making any sense.

It didn't make any sense

to me either, but--

but since that night,

I see it everywhere.

That night? At the cabin?

At first,

I didn't understand it.

So I started poring over

everything I could find

about the film.

I-- I thought maybe there was

something buried out there

that I was missing, but...

the deeper I got,

the farther from me it seemed.

This is all about a movie

you made five years ago?

But did I?

I-- I remember it, but--

but I don't.

Almost like it happened

to someone else.

Sweetie, it's called acting.

No! God, you don't get it!

This. This.

This feels true.

And I think that's

why the zombie is here,

because this is the answer.

And that's why you broke into

the cabin the other night? I--

But what if

I didn't break in at all?

Remember,

I don't know how I got there.

There was no vehicle

or means for arrival.

What if I didn't break in?

What if I was there because...

that's where I start?

I-- I don't understand.

God, don't you see?

The movie is us!

Ben, let me go.

It is the only thing

that makes sense.

How else could it be

everywhere that I am?

The movie never ended.

We're still in it.

You know that doesn't

make any sense.

I-- I wasn't in that movie.

We all are...

eventually.

Ben!

Your arms.

What have you done to yourself?

I know what it looks like,

but...

I had to know.

What do you mean?

I didn't feel it.

I-- I should've

been able to feel it.

That is the proof.

We need to stop the zombie,

Taryn.

We need to finish the movie.

Okay.

What?

I said okay.

I'll help you stop the zombie.

You will? You-- you believe me?

I believe that you believe it.

And that's a start.

Yeah.

Right.

Okay. Uh...

I know that this is

a lot to take in,

so we should probably start

by just going over everything.

Have you actually seen the film?

-I have a DVD of it--

-Actually,

we should start by

cleaning those arms up.

You're not fighting anything,

dead or otherwise,

-if you get an infection.

-No. [chuckles]

uh, do you have alcohol or

hydrogen peroxide or something?

-Uh, maybe in the bathroom?

-Great.

I'll get that, and you get

the DVD started, okay?

[relieved chuckle] Right.

On it.

[soft, tense music]

[quietly] Yes, hello?

I don't know if

this counts as an emergency.

[ominous music]

I'm with my friend, and...

I think he might be

a danger to himself.

The sooner you can get here,

the better.

It's definitely bad.

Just one second on that address.

[thud]

[suspenseful music]



[solemn music]

[breathing shakily]

[phone ringing]

Hello? Michael?

[Michael] Who is this,

and why do you keep calling me?

It-- it's Ben. Ben Baur?

[Michael] That isn't funny.

Ben Bauer died five years ago.

What?

I'm just f*cking with you.

What's up, Ben?

I've, uh...

I've been trying

to get a hold of you

because I have a question about

There's a Zombie Outside.

[Ben] That old thing?

What, are we supposed to do

a podcast

or something I forgot about?

Uh, no, no.

I just, um...

I just need to know

why you did it.

Why did you make the zombie?

Why did I make a movie about

a frustrated writer

who feels he didn't reach

his potential

grappling with

his own personal monster?

Can't imagine

what inspired that.

That's not really what I meant.

But it's the answer.

Not that the nuance

really helped our cause.

Turns out critics get weird

when you make a zombie movie

with only one zombie.

And why did I...

You know, with the zombie?

I thought we talked about all

of this when we made the film.

Uh, can you tell me again?

It's...

It's for research.

Okay, uh, sure.

I guess the zombie sex was

symbolic of how we all

inevitably embrace destruction?

Or maybe it's because

someone told me that

the only way we'd get into

a g*y festival

was if there was

a sex scene in the movie

and I decided

to be an as*h*le about it.

I don't know.

Probably the first one, though.

But what if it's

the other way around?

What if...

What if destruction embraces us?

Good question.

I think it's still all

a matter of choice.

Nature really

doesn't deal in monsters.

Only people do.

Huh.

Was that all you wanted to know?

I don't know.

Can I see you?

Oh, I'd love that,

but I'm not in town.

I'm in Utah making one of

those TV Christmas movies

for the next few months.

Things we do for art, you know?

Can I ask you one more question?

sh**t.

How do you know how

to end a horror story?

Oh, that's broad.

I guess it depends

on where it began.

Thanks.

I mean, there's probably...

Where it began.

[eerie instrumental]

[keys jingling]

[door slamming]

[elevator dinging]



[quiet static]







[static grows louder]

[tense instrumental]









[crickets chirping]

[radio crackling]

[officer] It's probably nothing.

She sounded pretty adamant.

But there's a chance this guy

could be headed up here, so...

Just keep your eyes open.

Over and out.

Roger that. Not like I have

anything better to do.

[sighing] Hollywood weirdos.

[wind whispering]

[eerie instrumental]



Of course it had to be here.

[twig snapping]

They saw me.



[tense chord]

[Ben] I let the zombie inside.

[tense instrumental]

[sighing]

Dispatch.

Found an abandoned car up here,

but checked out the old

Jones place.

No signs of forced entry, and

honestly, there's nobody here.

[director] Cut!

Okay, that was awesome.