04x06 - The Fish and the Whale

[bunniefuu]

[Brad] Poker players rarely
remember their big wins.

But we remember every detail
of our biggest losses.

And this was by far my
biggest and most humiliating.

I didn't just lose. I
lost to a sucker. A fish.

- Who's the fish now? Yeah!
- [players cheer]

I got beat by a joker.

Let's replay the hand, shall we?

[sighs]

It all started when the
worst thing happened.

A creative got an idea.

Brad, I've got my next game.

Go.

- Come on. Come on, come on.
- What?

Listen to me, listen to me.

- If you talk about a new game...
- [stammers, sighs]

...MQ owns it. If you even
think about it, they own it.

Please. They can't own
what's in my head. [chuckles]

- Can they?
- In short, yes. In long, also yes.

- [Brad] Dana was upset that Yara's game...
- Okay,

- this is ridiculous.
- ...overtook Cozy Galaxy as number one.

I can't believe I got
no-scoped by a teenager.

[Brad] Getting Dana out of
her deal fast became my focus.

Problem was David held the purse strings,
and he was clutching his purse tightly.

Leaving early to beat
traffic. Home poker game.

Luck be a lady tonight!

[Brad] Poker was perfect.

I just needed to devise
a plan to be invited.

It was gonna take some time, but
I was willing to put in the...

You should play in
my game sometime.

[Brad] Okay. It was
easier than I thought.

You just learning to play?

- David was a natural born mark...
- Yeah. [speaks indistinctly]

...or as us poker
players call it, a fish.

All right. Yeah, I'm
up for the challenge.

Okay. Warning you though.
You're what we call a fish.

[Brad] I was in.

My plan was to get David to play
me heads-up for Dana's contract.

- But there was a problem.
- Fold.

Even when he had the
best hand, the nuts,

- he didn't have the nuts.
- I fold.

Fold. [sighs]

Fold like a Democrat. [chuckles]

Cerritos is a very
Republican area. FYI.

[Brad] I needed to loosen
up his playing style

so he would bet a contract.

I had to bring in a whale.

A reckless player who
splashes around money

to overcompensate for...

Size does matter,

but it's really the diamonds
that make it a timepiece.

Huh.

[Brad] Ian's wallet
was bulging...

and so was his partner.

Hey, Ian, stop showing
off your sparkly bracelet

and let's get to work.

[Brad] Poppy was super preggo.

She and Ian had been
working around the clock

to deliver the expansion
before she delivered that baby.

She had lost her
taste for candy.

Instead, she was eating cabbage
while Ian was spending it.

- They were inseparable...
- [Ian] Cabbage fight!

- ... and insufferable.
- [Poppy] I'll cabbage you!

But I had a plan to get
Ian to David's game.

Host a baby shower for Poppy?
No, that's never gonna happen.

- Jo enthusiastically refused...
- I don't even like Poppy.

- ...until I said...
- It would help your boss Dana.

On it.

Attention, employees.
It is 6:01 p.m.

The workday is officially over and
the baby shower is about to begin.

All men must leave the premises
immediately. Women only.

Uh, what about me?
I'm Poppy's partner.

Only partners
allowed are l*sbian.

Hey, you could join me and B-man
at my home poker game tonight?

- You're going?
- Mm-hmm. Come on,

you've been working like
crazy. You could use a break.

Yeah. And, uh, Jo's gonna be
sending pics of the baby shower.

So we won't miss out.

Or you could go home and hang
out with that diamond bracelet.

- [chuckles] Zing.
- [Ian] Mmm.

Hmm.

You know what? I have
been working hard,

- and I deserve a night with the boys.
- [David stammers]

- There we go! Yeah!
- [chuckles] This is a Swiss chronometer.

- It's not a bracelet though.
- [Brad] Hmm.

[David chuckles]
Well, whatever it is,

you might wanna take it
off in my neighborhood.

[Brad] Hear that sound?

It's all my pieces falling
perfectly into place.

Welcome to Casa de Brittlesbee.

Wow. So, this is the
condo, David. Nice.

[David] Yeah, I love
all the period touches.

You know, you got a diamond on
your ear, I got my gem in Cerritos.

- The diamond probably costs more.
- [player 1] Knock, knock.

- [stammers] Maybe.
- Definitely.

[player 2] What up, what up!

- [David] Yo! There they are.
- [Brad] Hey! What's up?

There are the boys.

Uh, this is Skank,
Little George, and Louis.

Fellas, this is my
boy Ian. [chuckles]

He's actually the one that, uh, got
me on that-that Warrior Within Day,

you know, pulled this
pearl out of his shell.

You, sir, are the
reason I met these guys.

After that day, you know started
acquiring some friends. [chuckles]

- [George chuckles]
- Heard a lot about you, Ian.

- [Skank] Mmm.
- Oh, but watch out for Louis over there.

- He'll commit a 211 on your chips.
- [players chuckle]

That's police talk for robbery.
Louis is a cop. [chuckles]

- A real cop? No way.
- Yeah.

[David] Yeah, he's a cop. Little
George here, he's a fireman.

And then Skank's a paramedic.

Cerritos is a-a heavy
first responder community.

[sighs] Mad respect, brothers.

I'm actually, uh, a member of the
Fraternal Order of Police Protection,

where you write them a
$100,000 dollar check,

they give you that
sticker for the car.

And then, when you get pulled over, the
cop sees it and then doesn't give...

- And you've never gotten a ticket?
- I have gotten a few tickets.

- Yeah.
- That's not a real police organization.

It's a scam.

Whoa. Guy's been here five minutes
and he's already lost a hundred grand.

[all chuckle]

- Speaking of, let's play already?
- Yeah. Yeah.

Pony up, a hundred bucks buy-in

- per usual.
- [players] Yes. Yeah.

Uh... Oh, cash.

I'm sorry, I didn't
bring any cash.

You didn't bring money
to a poker night?

[stammers] I don't
really do cash.

- I mean, where would one even get that?
- [sighs]

A bank.

- A bank. Are they still around?
- [Brad] Yeah.

I thought we had transitioned
into a paperless economy.

No, you transitioned
into a paperless economy.

- Banks still exist. [chuckles]
- Do you take Bitcoin?

[Brad] Mm-mmm.

- Ethereum?
- We don't take anything digital.

- It's just cash... Yeah, just stop.
- ApeCoin?

You know, I can float you, bud.

All right, well... but
let's keep it small though.

- It's my first time. [chuckles]
- [chuckles]

Um, like a thousand bucks.

- Uh, we don't usually play that high s...
- I got it.

[Ian] Great.

- Okay. Cool.
- [stammers] We usually play a hundred.

- So, uh... [stammers]
- Well, we'll start here,

and then we'll see, you know, if...
[stammers] Take it easy on me though.

- [chuckles] This is my first time.
- [players chuckle]

- I came here to win money, not lose it.
- [Brad] And so it began.

My whale had raised the stakes,

and my fish was swimming
into deeper waters.

Meanwhile, Jo's baby shower
was going along swimmingly.

It's nice of Jo to throw
Poppy a baby shower.

[toy squeaks]

- Are they friends?
- Mmm.

Does Poppy have friends?

I still can't believe
she's pregnant.

And who doesn't have
wine at a baby shower?

Is this it? Is this everyone?

Gee, thanks.

I'm sorry, do you
have other friends

- that we don't know about?
- [keys clacking]

You know, they say it takes
a village to raise a child.

You could use this party to
help expand your village.

Hey, if Dana gets to
work, then so do I.

No. No laptops allowed.

Hey, I was working.

Hey, yourself, the baby
shower has officially begun,

and I think David's
present has just arrived.

[whistles] Enter!

Poppy!

There's... [chuckles]
...my sister.

What's up, you ratbag? Aw!

Tracy! Hi!

It's so good to see you...

f*cking Tracy! Why would
you invite that mole?

I didn't invite her, David did.

But I'd be mad too if
someone called me a ratbag.

Ratbag is actually
a term of affection.

Is it supposed to evoke the
joy of drowning rats in a bag?

No. No, Tracy pretends like
she's the perfect daughter

and makes me out to
be the freakazoid.

You know what? [sighs] Baby
shower's off. I'm texting Ian.

- Look, you've got the upper hand here.
- I do?

Yeah, you're popping
out the first grandkid.

You've got a hot-a*s boyfriend

and you're the boss b*tch of
a billion-dollar business.

Right. Right.

So go out there and show
your younger sister...

- Older.
- Really?

Yeah.

Okay. Well, just go out there
and show her who's winning,

not just at this baby
shower, but in life.

Hell yeah.

Let's go win this baby shower.

- Let's go! [exclaims]
- [chuckles] Yeah! [chuckles]

[Brad] While Poppy was focused
on winning the baby shower

- over the firstborn...
- You're the boss b*tch.

...Ian was trying to win
over the first responders.

This is so great. I love
hanging out with real men.

[all chuckle]

- [Louis] Yeah.
- I usually hang out with a pregnant woman

and a bunch of sub-alpha males.

- So, this is very special to me.
- [Skank] Mmm. Mmm.

- Skank, can I ask you a question?
- Sure.

How do you, uh, sharpen
this angle here?

What do I do for my jawline?

Yes. Is that natural
or do you Jawzrsize?

It's natural.

What's he talking about?

I do not know, but I'm
sure he could stop.

Well, it's a routine for your
jaw to help chisel this feature.

Okay. Pot is good.
Action on you, Ian.

I had an a*usive
relationship with my dad.

Did you guys too?

That's neither here nor there.

[inhales sharply]
What's your bet?

Yeah. Uh, real men. Real men.

- [Skank] Yep.
- We don't talk about sh*t.

We just go all in.

[Brad] My beluga whale
was doing what whales do,

shoving all in every hand.

You know, you don't have
to go in every time.

Uh, actually, I do.

I'm a bit of a disrupter, so I
like to push all things possible.

- I can tell by your earrings.
- [all laughing]

- [David laughs] They're dumb, right?
- [Skank] That's funny.

[David] We don't
like them, right?

[Brad] Ian wasn't making friends,
but David wasn't making decisions.

He had the best hand in poker.

What are you gonna do, David?

This one is a big bet. So, uh...

Damn it, David, make the call.

All right, fine.
All right. I call.

- [Louis] Dude!
- Pocket aces.

Literally the best hand.

It's 4-to-1. I mean, Hillary had
those odds and she still lost.

[chuckles] Thank God.

[Louis] Okay.

[sighs]

[Skank] David wins.

- [George] Oh!
- [exclaims]

- [Ian laughs]
- [chuckles] Oh, man,

- I feel like Jennifer Tilly. [chuckles]
- [Ian sighs] Well, uh,

let's keep this train rolling. Let's
get another grand in chips, huh?

A few more pots like that,

you can afford an earring
like your buddy here.

[all laughing]

[David] Another thing
we don't like, right?

[all laughing]

[Carol] Poppy, I
love your sister.

[chuckles] Honestly, I love
anybody who brings a Shiraz.

Oh, it's nothing.

I co-own a vineyard with
one of the Hemsworths.

- [gasps]
- Not the one you think.

It's actually not
that impressive.

You can't swing a stick in Australia
without hitting a Hemsworth.

Wow. I can't believe
you're in the wine biz.

I for sure thought you were in fashion
'cause this outfit is sickening.

Actually, I'm an
interior designer.

My firm combines, like, beach house
chic with a modern farmhouse aesthetic.

I... [chuckles] ...I call it Beach Farm.
It's the hottest thing in Byron Bay.

Really? 'Cause I thought the hottest
thing in Byron Bay was your snatch.

'Cause you have chlamydia.

Jesus, Poppy.

It's okay. Poppy's love
language is snarky comments

and throwing her Game Boy at
me. I have the scar to prove it.

- Twelve stitches.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

But maybe you shouldn't
have called me a freakazoid.

Anyway. Mum and Dad
send their love.

They were very surprised
you were pregnant.

Not as surprised as me.

I wasn't surprised at all.
Poppy's boyfriend is super hot.

It makes perfect sense
how she got pregnant.

Even the gays
agree. Right, girls?

- Please, don't.
- You gotta stop calling us the gays.

Well, where is the lucky
fella? I'd love to meet him.

Storm is in the Netherlands right now.
He-He's actually a very talented artist.

Storm? [chuckles] I'm sure he's
great, Pop, wherever he is.

Well, there's gonna be a storm
brewing in your Netherlands

when you see how hot he is.

We should video call him. Maybe
we'll catch him with his shirt off.

And I wanna capture this.

The moment where Poppy
dunks on your a*s.

He's real. And-And
when you see him...

Twilight Forest, what is this?

Oh! O-Oopsie. [chuckles]
This one's mine.

Okay. Well, if-if we can't call
him, I-I can show you a photo.

Hold on, let me find
one of his face.

Just a second.

All right. I can't... I can't find one
of his face, but here's one of his...

- No, no, no!
- No!

Now, hold on, now.
[chuckles] Carol's curious.

It's time for a game.

Everybody to the
conference room, now.

Hey, um, what's Twilight Forest?

Nothing. You didn't hear anything.
Don't even think about it.

Boundaries.

Okay.

[Jo] Listen up, maggots,

in front of each of you is a diaper
with a melted candy bar inside.

The game is to guess what the
candy is by sight and smell alone.

No eating.

[chuckles] No problem.

Jo.

Jo, why the hell did
it have to be candy?

- What do you mean? You love candy.
- Yeah, I love candy,

but the baby doesn't. The thought
of it makes me wanna throw up.

Then ask yourself,
what's stronger,

your desire to beat your
sister or your gag reflex?

[breathes sharply] Give
me the damn diapers.

Everyone, ready, set, smell!

[whistle toots]

[gags, coughs]

[sniffs] York Pattie!

- That's correct.
- [chuckles] This is child's play.

In your face, Tracy.

Oh, Jo. This is gross.

I didn't need to know what a
gummy worm looked like microwaved.

- Correct.
- [Carol] You think this is visceral?

Real baby poop is black.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

You feed 'em white stuff,
and it comes out black.

It's demonic.

[exhales deeply] Hershey's
Bar? No, wait. [sniffs, gags]

N-No, Crunch Bar. Crunch Bar!

Two for Poppy!

What is wrong with you?

This is what winning looks
like, Tracy... [gags]

[Brad] While Poppy was desperate
to humiliate her sister,

Ian was, well, just desperate.

You see, when you commit to it you
can barely even tell that it's there.

I-I don't think anyone
understands what you're saying.

I'm sorry. Do you guys...
Did you wanna give it a shot?

You want us to suck
on your ball gag?

[all chuckle]

This is not a ball gag.

This is 40 pounds of bite pressure
in a convenient, on-the-go nub.

[all chattering]

- [phone chimes]
- Oh, hey, got a text.

- Ooh. What do you got, D?
- Oh, nice. What'd you get?

Uh... Uh, baby shower pics.
Look at this. Poppy's sister.

She looks just like Poppy
but, uh, an adult. See.

- [chuckles] That's adorable.
- Oh,

- come on.
- [David] I know. [laughs]

Why is Tracy at the baby shower?

I flew her out as a surprise.

Poppy hates her sister.

She does? Oh, why would
you hate your sister?

I would love to have a sister
who would come to my baby shower.

You grow out that hair any more,
you could be your own sister.

Am I right, guys?
[laughs] His hair sucks.

I like his hair. It's
why I'm growing mine out.

I don't know David with short
hair. And I don't want to.

Thanks, guys.

You guys are f*cking
with me, right?

This is nuts. I'm
just gonna say.

I mean, you're not
into my Jawzrsize,

you're talking about
David's hair being cool.

I just... I mean,
where the f*ck am I?

Cerritos, bro.



Right off the 605.

- Next to the 91.
- Technically, it's Artesia. So...

Hey. Hey, don't start
with the Artesia stuff.

- That's a gerrymandering thi...
- [Skank] Guys, every time.

Okay. I'm gonna take a piss
and then I'm gonna leave.

[stammers] Ian, they're
just messing with you.

I'm definitely gonna
write that guy a ticket.

[all laughing]

[Brad] Ian leaving could ruin
everything I'd worked for.

- Okay.
- What are you doing?

Okay. All right,
look, you can't leave.

Is this because they
think you're obnoxious?

Huh? Those guys?
No, they like me.

[laughs]

Oh, you're serious.

Yeah. Look, Brad,

sometimes you just gotta know when
to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

Okay. Right. You didn't
fold once tonight.

It doesn't matter, either way. I don't
need these guys to like me, okay?

- Mm-hmm.
- I've got Poppy,

and Poppy and I are crushing it on
the expansion. That's what I need.

Okay. Well, what I need
is for you to stay.

I have been softening up David for
months so he will bet Dana's contract.

The details of my plan to exploit
him, they're inconsequential.

But trust me, you're pivotal to
it. I got it all on my phone.

- Hmm. I like being pivotal to a plan.
- Mmm?

- I know that you do.
- Mmm.

All right. Step one, get
into David's poker game.

Step two, get a fast pass
for drives to Cerritos.

Step three, where is Cerritos?

- Step four, gain the fish's trust.
- [door closes]

[Brad] And just like
that, my whale swam away.

Or in this case, got in his car with
a $100,000 sticker and sped off.

But the game had to go on.

Unfortunately, Ian
had to go. [sighs]

At least he left us something
to remember him by. His money.

- [both laugh]
- Well, I mean, just because he's not here

doesn't mean we can't keep
playing recklessly, right?

Where we at with the game?

Which game? The one we're
playing or the one you are?

See, I heard everything
you said to Ian.

Actually, we all did.

No, no. Uh, fellas,
c... it's cool. Thanks.

One of the, uh, period touches that are
so unique to this place is the, uh...

the vent above
the bathroom door.

Really lets you hear all the sh*t
happening behind closed doors.

You wanna play heads-up for
Dana's contract? Let's play.

Are you sure?

Shuffle up and deal, b*tch.

Can you not be this close to me?

- You don't like it?
- I do not.

- Would you prefer I step away?
- I would prefer that.

Let's bring it to
the poker table.

Let's walk over there with
a little bit more distance.

- All right.
- Great.

An eye mask, earplugs,

and, um, sleeping pills?

Sometimes you gotta take a couple
Xanis and let the baby cry it out.

I'm telling you,
mama needs sleep.

You know I can't take these,
Carol. I'm gonna be breastfeeding.

Oh, my bad. [chuckles]
Give them back to me then.

- Uh-huh. Yep.
- [stutters]

[Poppy] Okay.

From me.

Look, I know things have
been tricky between us,

but I'm really happy for you, Sis,
and proud of the person you've become.

You're gonna be a great mum.

- Thanks, Tracy.
- [Tracy] Yeah.

[sighs]

"World's best aunt"?

You know I'm gonna be
the baby's mum, stupid.

Surprise.

I'm pregnant.

You are?

You b*tch!

- Oh. Whoa, whoa. Chill.
- Oh! Whoa!

- [Dana] Chill!
- Let me at her!

- What is your deal, Poppy?
- [Dana, Rachel clamoring]

You cannot hit her.
She's pregnant.

So am I!

[Brad] This was it. Heads-up.

If I beat David, then
Dana's free of her contract.

I knew David was outmatched.

You probably think
I'm outmatched.

I wasn't thinking that. I bet.

Good, 'cause you'd
be thinking wrong.

I call.

[Brad] I knew he had a big hand.

David never believes he can win,
so when he's dealt a good hand,

he has to double-check
to see if it's real.

The question was, was his
hand bigger than mine?

All in.

[players chatter, chuckle]

Oh. [chuckles] Very
aggressive, Brad.

It almost seems like
you want me to fold.

[Brad] A good con can succeed
or fail on the details.

For months, every time I
bluffed, I put on sunglasses.

David finally picked up on my
tell. He thought I was exposed.

I call.

Aces.

[chuckles] You gave
yourself away. Sunglasses.

- That's when I knew I had it in...
- Brad wins.

- What? No, I have aces.
- He's got a straight. [sighs]

A straight? No. There's a
straight on the board? Where?

- [George sighs] You sh...
- Oh, my God.

You should have gone
all in on the flop.

- Oh, shut up, Little George. Shut up.
- [Brad chuckling]

Get your hands off me!

Okay. This is sister sh*t.
I'm not getting involved.

At least Poppy's having the
first grandkid, you ratbag.

That's not the way
that you use that word.

Actually, I'm
eight months along.

- What?
- You're not showing at all.

Oh... [chuckles] ...honey,
we're using a surrogate.

I mean... [laughs] ...it's great that
you're doing it the old-fashioned way.

I mean, your body was built
for it. I could never.

No, you did not just body-shame
a woman at her own baby shower.

It doesn't matter
whose kid's first

because my kid's the one that
Mum and Dad will actually see.

Sorry, but it's true.

Poppy, you work all
the time to avoid life.

You've always been that way.

No. No, I haven't.

And you have no idea what I'm
gonna be like once I have a kid.

Poppy, a kid is not
gonna change you.

I flew halfway across
the world to be here,

and I still had to meet
you in your office.

And you can fly all the way
back, you clap-ridden tr*mp!

Whatever. [sighs]

This is the weirdest baby
shower I've ever been to.

You're no different.

You're still just a freakazoid.

She might be a freakazoid,
but she's our freakazoid.

Yeah. And you're just a secret
b*tch wrapped in fake Chanel.

- [scoffs]
- [Jo] Hey, Tracy,

you might get hungry
on the flight home.

Might I suggest you eat sh*t?

- [screams, exclaiming]
- [Jo exclaiming]

- Eat sh*t, Tracy!
- f*ck you, Tracy!

- [Dana] Eat sh*t!
- [Rachel] Get out of here!

- [Carol] Nobody likes you anyway!
- [Tracy] You're all freakazoids!

- f*ck off!
- [barking]

[sighs] Are you okay?

You guys just told my
sister to eat sh*t.

That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

- Oh...
- Aw. [chuckles]

- ...Poppy.
- [Poppy crying]

- Come here.
- It was nothing.

- [Dana] Yeah.
- Your sister sucks.

[Carol] Yeah. She's terrible.

- She is a bad person.
- She's the worst.

I love you guys.

- [Jo] We love you too.
- [Rachel] Aw.

And I think that I like you
more than my real family.

- [Rachel] That makes sense. Yeah.
- Well... [stammers] ...yeah.

- Like, a lot more.
- [Jo] They're terrible people.

- [Poppy] I'm sorry I'm so emotional...
- [Rachel] Oh, yeah. It's okay.

Don't feel too bad. You were
beat from the beginning.

The sunglasses, the baby shower,

knowing you had a bespoke door vent
so you'd hear everything I'd say

and go on tilt.

Well played.

Yep. I mean, you're right.
I'm an emotional man.

Yeah, it's-it's why I had Jo send
me baby pics all night. [chuckles]

Oh, I saw. Now, if you wouldn't mind
signing this termination of contract.

So, then you must have
seen in one of Jo's pics,

the load screen to
Dana's new game.

In the MQ office,
which makes it...

Property of Mythic Quest.

So we get Dana's new game, and we
don't have to pay you two squat.

And that, my friend,
is not a bluff.

Whoa. Are these prescription?
Jesus, that is strong.

[Brad] Poker players rarely
remember their big wins,

but we remember every detail
of our biggest losses.

And this was by far my
biggest and most humiliating.

I didn't just lose. I
lost to a sucker. A fish.

I got beaten by a joker who wasn't
even supposed to be in the game.

Dana.