01x04 - An Dobhar Who?

[bunniefuu]

"Hi, it's Wendy

leave a message, or don't."

"Thank you."

"Why did you do that, Wendy?"

"I mean what the sh1tting hell?"

"I did what you wanted, I confessed

I told everyone and you"

"you made me look like

a crazy person."

"Do you have any idea

how awful that feels?"

"To have your own friends

look at you like that."

"Rotten, it feels rotten, Wendy."

"You're a very mean person."

- Oh!

- Oh! There's our little space man.

How's the gravity treating you, Da?

Better than the bloody hangover.

Yeah, I didn't know whether to let you

sleep on or phone the CIA.

Yesterday was mad

what with Joanne going missing

and getting half concussed

by Betty Battles

who knows what any of us

were saying at the end of it.

Well, we know

because the videos and whatnot.

Yeah, the videos were you say

fairly clearly, that

you were abducted by aliens.

My big mouth.

What a night though.

- Who took the video?

- There's no video, Da.

I wish.

Here she is now

the tattooed lady.

Literally my first tattoo.

- Was it painful, Jo-Jo?

- Literally my last tattoo.

Insane to me how people allow

this pain to happen on their faces.

- Yeah, well most don't get any.

- Well, it's done now.

Look, I like the intention

the rebellion

I'm just not too sure

about the subject matter.

- Don't you like my name?

- No, I do, but

I also liked having my own.

I mean, Proctor.

It sounds like

a rectal probe, doesn't it?

Great, thanks Mammy.

Well, I'd better go

the day won't live itself.

Good for you, I thought

you'd spend the day in hiding.

I know I would, the week.

Good one.

It's ok, Daddy

everyone says stupid things in the pub

- that's what they're for.

- Aye.

You meant it though, last night.

Aye.

I mean he has sex with his mother now

that's quite a big character adjustment.

Yeah, well

how exciting for him.

I mean isn't that

what good actors do

- they adjust their characters?

- Yeah, that's what good actors do.

"Wendy, look, the studio's worried"

that casting an unknown

in the lead role is risky as sh*t.

"And you know what

they're right."

But his co-star's a legend

in the indie movie world.

Yeah, maybe 20 years ago

she was.

Big Jim is a formidable

screen presence

and a positive local news

story for the launch.

Audiences need profile or passion

you know the old movie rule.

- Give me a face or

- Give me a d*ck.

And if I learned anything from season two

of Anne Boleyn, The Single Years

it's that if you show an audience a corset

they expect to see some intercourse.

Your writer

the esteemed Jack E. McCarthy

"seems more than happy

with the new change in direction."

Yeah, that was surprising

he's playing very loosey-goosy

with his own book.

Well maybe he trusts

our instincts on drama.

Is he aware that our biggest show last

season was Catfishing with Cleopatra?

Hey, it's history with a twist

right, that's the ID of our USP.

Has the actor even been

informed of the new direction?

Ah, well that's where a

good producer comes in

- "however, if you're out of your depth"

- Got it, Brad.

Isn't your writer arriving shortly?

I'm sure he can walk him

through the changes

"if you're not feeling up to it."

Oh, f*cking piss off.

- Excuse me! Hey!

- Piss off you

- Pig eared prick!

- What did you?

Yeah, go suck those liver treats

yeah suck it.

Liver treats?

Sorry Brad not for you

dogs, you're not a pig eared prick.

- Thanks Wendy.

- "I'll call you back."

Sorry. I see you've learned

the magic trick.

Food?

Yeah, real f*cking magic.

- That was a wild night last night.

- Yeah.

In my line of work, I meet people

who are willing to say all kinds of shite

given an audience, usually me

but I have to admit

Dr. Proctor

never struck me as a liar.

He has his moments.

I'll leave you to it.

Enjoy your smoke and if you need more

you know where to find me.

Shelly?

For what it's worth

you're not wrong about the doctor

keep trusting your gut

you'll need it.

Right. Ok, I mean I knew you

were well travelled but wow.

"Colonel!

Sanders!"

"Let's get you home

you pig eared prick."

All you had to do was say yes

everything you said about being

abducted by aliens was correct.

My family don't know what to think.

There's a new look

in my wife's eyes

that can only be described as shame

or amusement

which is hard to take

given all she usually

gives me is indifference.

Call me.

I've heard he's much taller in person

the inelegant prick.

Mr. McCarthy?

Welcome.

- Thank you, what's your name?

- Jules.

- Jill?

- Jules.

Jules?

Sorry, sorry.

Very fancy.

I shall call you Sparkles.

Sparkles, would you mind holding

onto my case while I go for a wizz?

The plane was awash

with artisanal gin.

Sorry to disturb you, Ms. Proctor.

I seem to have ran out of chalk

I don't suppose I could

Look at this sh*t.

I mean it's kind of funny, no?

Jane Henderson told me

her homework's been abducted by aliens.

Mad how quickly a drunken story

can spread in this town.

Exactly, but Seamus

doesn't even drink, anymore.

This is getting embarrassing.

Maybe you guys should try like

marriage therapy or something.

Doesn't feel like

you're in the mood for my funny quips.

Maybe not right now.

Are you in the mood

for anything else?

Oh, just

text me later, Matt.

Yeah, we've had

a few cancelations I'm afraid.

- So, I see.

- I doubt it has anything to do with your

- No, me neither

- Alien abduction revelation.

- Ok then.

- Hey

but since it's so quiet

why don't we head to the pub for lunch?

No, you go ahead.

Wouldn't want to get in the way

of you flirting with Shelly.

Who's flirting with Shelly?

No, you go on

I'll watch the phones.

Not that anyone's calling.

Someone did actually call earlier

oh said they had

like a pain in their chest

- I think I made a note.

- Oh yeah?

What a tightness or palpitations?

No, it didn't go away for a while

so they lay flat on a table to relieve

the pain and then, from nowhere

a terrifying baby alien exploded out

of their chest and then ran away.

- Sounds painful.

- Referred by Dr. Ripley.

- Star Wars?

- Alien.

Alien.

Good one.

Oh f*ck.

Sorry! I just took a bit

out of another plastic apple!

That's fine. We can cut away

before he makes that stupid face.

Cut!

Sorry, Zak.

It tastes alright.

Ridiculous, yeah.

Oh, I'm, I'm so sorry

about that, Zak.

Yes, but you said that last time.

You see changes with script?

Oh yeah no, I, I saw the new script

with different colors

I just assumed that somebody

in the office got a bit bored.

- You sleep with mother now, yeah?

- What, sorry?

You have met the actress

who plays your mother?

No, I, I've not actually met

Miss Rowlands yet

but I grew up watching her on TV

I just think she's going

to make a brilliant Brigid.

"Yeah, right over here."

Here we are, it's just this way

quite a bit of mud there.

Ok just here.

Sorry to interrupt but can I just quickly

introduce you to Jemima Rowlands?

Oh you're not

anti-smoking, are you?

Hello there, no, no, no, no.

Smoke your little heart out.

I just

Oh!

I just can't believe

I'm actually meeting you in the flesh

or that I'm playing your son, like.

About that, Big Jim

You are a big fellow, aren't you?

Has someone talked you

through the script changes?

It's nothing major

just a little massaging

there was some concern

on the studio's side

that the story was getting a little domestic

not all your fault.

So, we've just added a little heat

here and there, easy fix.

Cool, yeah cool, cool

yeah cool, cool, cool.

Oh, in relation to the dynamic

between your character, An Dagda

and the goddess, Brigid.

His mother, yeah.

- Well

- We f*ck now.

- Each other?

- You sleep with mother now, yeah?

One second, Zak.

- Jim

- Big Jim.

The writer's on route to set and will happily

talk you through any of the massaging.

Yeah, plenty of massaging.

Can we get An Dagda

ready for a take please?

sh**ting in two!

So, so not your son, then?

Son with benefits, maybe.

"Patrick Kavanagh country

out here of course"

stoney grey soil, stoney grey sky

stoney grey faces.

You can certainly understand

why he didn't write any musical, huh?

Yes.

I, I have to ask you

about your luggage.

Do you indeed?

Are you a fan of Japan?

Cats?

Both huh?

Due to budget cuts our friends at customs

and excise only have time

to check one out of every 46 suitcases

for ill*gal contraband

one in 46.

They say it's random but it's not.

A lad at Heathrow told me that they check

the most suspicious suitcases

as one would

so the question then becomes

if you only have time to check one

out of every 46 suitcases for ecstasy

would you pick that one?

"Boogie-woogie

all night long."

I don't think

it's your appendix now.

What level of discomfort

are you experiencing?

Well this experience

is about a four.

I wasn't asking for a Yelp review.

But I must admit

four is disappointing.

But what you experienced

seems like an 11 doc.

Can you give me

something for that?

I thought you wanted

something for the pain.

I just want whatever you're on.

Now what was it?

LSD, Peyote

or did you just find a cheeky

wee patch of 'shrooms?

- Two paracetamol?

- Thanks for your business, Niall.

Well maybe I will

write a Yelp review.

One Yelp

that's all I'm giving you.

One Yelp, I treated you

for chicken pox, twice!

I thought you said

we had cancellations?

And folks just kept turning up

I don't even think they're sick.

Are there any messages?

I'm waiting for someone

to return a call.

Yeah, someone called and

asked you to phone them at home.

Did you get a number?

No, they just said phone home.

GP phone home.

This is why

this is why I lied for all those years

to avoid this exact situation.

This is my worst nightmare.

I'm the town joke

because of you.

- Hoo-hoo!

- Jack!

- Wendy, darling.

- Darling?

From the great Peter Pan

Wendy Darling.

Of course, yes.

It is so nice to finally meet you in person

I'm a big fan of your work.

Well, I am also

a big fan of your work.

Really?

You know my work?

I know that you bought my book

and that just screams smart cookie to me.

The page has legs.

All that straw!

A quick reminder that all the food

in here is non-edible.

- Copy that.

- I love the script changes.

Well, I love that

you love the script changes.

Personally I always felt that

being the mother of the God of Agriculture

there was a believability concern

at best, age wise.

- Totally.

- Lamb dressed as mutton, Jemima.

I mean we're talking about

the star of We Did It On The Tube here.

Yeah, and now your relationship

is less of a typical maternal, blah blah.

- Yawn.

- And yes, the new pages do include

a couple of rather intimate scenes.

Orgasmic unison, yeah

that's that's full on intimate.

But what is intimacy really?

I watch p*rn*graphy ad nauseam

ad f*cking nauseam but I see no intimacy

only contempt and is it any wonder

we have to dredge through our listless lives

forever burdened

by losing our one true love

before we've even learnt how to love?

- You mean like our mothers?

- Bingo.

If we're going down that route

I should say that I got some wonderful

notices for a production I did of Oedipus Rex

at the National in 2008, it was with

Oh, one of the Spiderman boys.

Oh! Well, I, I'm not looking to pursue

incest per se

I, I'd like the romance to feel

nascent yet ancient, like primitive foreplay.

We use this table for the sex.

A banquet of lust, I love it, Zak!

You cheeky little pervert.

Banquet of lust

is that historically accurate, yeah?

I suppose we'll find out!

Dad, Barry Battles is here.

Look, he doesn't have

an appointment but

Tell him to feck off.

- Hiya Barry.

- Hiya Seamie

that's some crowd

in your waiting room.

I think I saw a t*rd in there.

Might be looking

for the wrong doctor.

- What's up, Barry?

- Bad news.

After prolonged talks, the committee

to bring filming to Drumban

have opted to let you go.

But that's good news, because

I resigned from it, happily, remember?

- I fought for you, Seamie.

- I wish you hadn't, Barry.

But the tide of committee opinion

has turned after your outburst.

How are you feeling, Seamie?

A bit weird since you put

your hand on my shoulder, Barry.

No need to reply right now

I just wanted to say hi.

- Hi Barry.

- I think that's for texts.

Come on da f*ck you dumb yoke!

Are you having suicidal troughs?

- Wait, what's a suicidal trough?

- Thoughts?

Oh aye, that's it.

Are you, having suicidal thoughts?

Well not yet, but the day is young.

Or feelings of shelf-loathing, no?

Barry, I've a room full of patients here

and this going really badly.

So, if you don't mind

What do you value in your life?

Closed doors.

So?

What are you going to do?

Are you going

to keep hiding in here

or should I just send

the waiting room away home?

Start sending them in, Sonny.

Dr. Proctor leaves

no sick patient behind.

They're not sick, I think

they just want to ask you about aliens.

Right well, when a healthy person

wants to ask about aliens

Dr. Proctor has the answers.

Well, that's hard to say, Rory.

Just give me

your best assessment, Doctor.

Well, I'd say the spaceship

was about the size of

a single story home, give or take.

- Like a bungalow?

- A bungalow, exactly.

And this was on the night

of the Millenium, Doctor?

Yep, on the stroke of midnight

I suppose that makes me the Cinderella

of alien abductions.

The funny thing is, Wendy

I think you've actually

done me a favor.

I've kept this secret for so long

and now it's like this huge weight

has been lifted.

So, when you say bungalow

do you mean a traditional two bed

or are we talking conservatory, Seamie?

No, classic bungalow

but from space.

No extension?

No attic conversion?

Just bog

standard bungalow?

Well, it's hard to call it bog standard

when you're talking about

a flying craft from an alien world but

yeah, bog standard bungalow.

So then do you think

we're the more advanced species

since we have stairs?

What was I afraid of

all these years?

Why'd I keep it bottled up?

I thought you'd ruined my life but

you know maybe this is a good thing.

Maybe it's a great thing.

"I feel less trapped

by secrets and shame."

I feel free because of you

and that's why I wanted

to leave you a message, Wendy

to say thank you.

"Thank you."

f*ck off!

Bloody telemarketers.

Need a coffee, boss?

Excuse me, Wendy, is there a scene

I'm missing involving a medieval gimp?

That's Connor from VFX

he's the physical stand in for An Dobhar-chu

- the water hound.

- Oh, got you.

Looking good, Hound Dog!

Thanks, you are?

- This is our esteemed writer.

- Jack E. McCarthy.

Feeling under dressed now.

- Nice to meet you, Jackie.

- No, no, Jack E.

The E stands for Eddie.

Is it the first day, is it?

Well, I've been in training

for six months so not exactly.

- In training?

- To replicate the movement

of the water hound

in a realistic way.

But isn't it mythical?

I'm missing your point.

How do you replicate the movement

of something that didn't exist?

And where do you think

King Kong lived and worked?

Feels like he was fond of New York.

Keep your eyes on the VFX monitors.

Playback please!

Oh, there he goes now.

Oh, you'd have to have

the right knees for that.

Oh, nimble little fella.

Cut!

The studio wants

a merchandise tie in

for kids so we're hoping

that Connor's going to bring it to life.

How exciting for life.

And, as executive producers

you and I will obviously get a cut

of the merchandise sales.

How exciting for us.

I f*cking dig it, Connor!

You're like a

flexible wee ferret.

That's

one of my inspiration creatures.

Oh, tried and tested process.

I also used

as a physical blueprint

Clifford the Big Red Dog

and the lower body for George

in Peppa Pig

cheats at school sports day.

Missed that one.

But can I just say, Connor

I think that you should go full method

you know sleeping in the woods

catching perch

that type of commitment

really elevates a performance.

- Yeah?

- I heard Andy Serkis

moved into the London Zoo

to prepare for Planet of the Apes.

Yeah, yeah.

Shel, how's that pint coming?

Well, it's either half full

or half empty

depending on how

optimistic you're feeling.

Regardless of optimism

my pint should be getting VIP treatment.

Sure this place would still be half dead

if it wasn't for me self

and the legendary committee.

Oh, it's busy as f*ck alright.

We brought the mountain to Mohammed

and we'll keep bringing it.

But now Mohammed would like a pint.

I don't think

he was much of a drinker.

Not with this sort of service.

All done, just need a signature.

- Where you going now?

- Da has to sign it

it's still his name

over the fecking door.

Well, my optimism is waning.

Dad?

- It's really busy downstairs.

- Yep, I know.

- I can hear.

- I need your autograph again.

Those groupies of yours

are relentless.

Shall I close the door behind me?

That's the way they work.

There's talk of a beast.

They whisper the name Dobhar-chu.

- Do you believe it, An Dagda?

- Believe?

What does it matter

what we believe

An Dagda will hunt it

and it will be real.

An Dagda will find it

and An Dagda will tame it.

Ok, we start kiss

by horse chair here

then you clean her feet to here.

Oh, I think he wants you

to sweep me off my feet.

- Got yours, aye.

- Then more kiss kiss on table

- as camera moves around to see

- Momma on the loose!

Got you.

In terms of the

The, the, the physicality.

The physicality, right

and the, the nudity and whatnot.

Right so normally we would have

an intimacy coordinator on set

that would deal

with any of the actor's discomfort

but because we didn't know

that this relationship was of this nature

Fresh.

- We didn't hire anyone

- It'll, it'll be fine

we're all big boys and girls.

Yeah, no sure it'll be grand.

It's all make believe anyway, isn't it?

It's

It's fun.

It's fun stuff.

- Ok, are you sure?

- Yeah, yeah.

I'm just, I'm just happy to be here.

My old pal, Allie de Botton

used to say that intimacy is the capacity

to be rather weird with someone

and to find out that that's ok with them.

To be weird?

Get freaky An Dagda unleash the power

of the God of Fertility and Agriculture.

Got you.

- Will do.

- He's no f*cking Brando.

And be super sexy, yeah?

Hey thingy, pause music.

Stop music.

Volume zero.

Halt music.

Stop the music.

What are you doing?

I haven't made my pizzas in ages.

What is going on with you?

What, am I getting a wellness check?

They're just fecking pizzas.

Why are you telling everyone

you got abducted by aliens?

Because it's true, Catherine.

I mean, look, it was funny

at the start, you know

but now it's just

all getting a bit weird.

I mean are you saying it

just to get some attention?

Why would I want attention?

I just want to be honest now

because it's been making me sick.

My guts are in bits

for years it's made me physically sick.

Do you know what it's like to have to lie

about something day and day out

all the secrecy and the shame

and now it's out of me

- like a tumor or a cancerous cyst.

- Will you just stop?

You're making it sound like

some miraculous breakthrough

when actually you've just been

going around the town

telling everyone that you and Wendy

what's-her-face

are the new Mork and f*cking Mindy

and she doesn't even know

what you're talking about.

Why does that matter?

Because you're a laughing stock.

Did you hear the one

about the doctor who got abducted?

Like that's you.

You might need a punchline for that.

No, you are the punchline.

I mean do you actually think

anyone really believes you?

Of course they believe me

why wouldn't they?

I've gone into great detail.

Detail, that will convince them.

You know, you don't want to be too vague

about your alien abduction.

- They do believe me.

- Aye.

I'm the town doctor for God's sake.

Why wouldn't they believe me?

I have tamed

the wild weathered storms

given life

now I must take leave

from the cold.

The fires may warm your fair skin

but what of your insides?

Oh!

Oh! We dust followed

the wilderness Tim.

What was that, Brigid?

Oh! We must allow

the wilderness in.

Moooooo!

Is he

I'm, I'm sorry is he being a cow?

Moooooo!

- Cut!

- Sorry, just went with an impulse.

Should I also incorporate

some animal work?

I've done six productions of Equus.

Oh, that's far too much Equus.

Could I take five?

I think I've overdone

the protein shakes.

Take five.

Please take five.

Anyone from make-up

good with beard rash?

"Oh, yeah, yeah."

Oh, it's really crunchy.

Sorry love

they got a little over-crisped.

Oh, the health board called.

- The health board?

- Yeah

Oh, let me guess

was this Dr. Klingon

and the Men in Black

health board by any chance?

No, the medical health board.

- What do they want?

- Just to talk to Dad.

It's probably nothing.

Oh yeah, I mean I'm sure

they're grand about one of their GPs

telling their patients that they got

sucked up into a flying saucer.

Your mother thinks

that no one believes me

that they're all mocking me

behind my back.

Do you believe me?

We believe that you believe

That you saw something

that you believe.

I'm convinced.

You want proof, is it?

Well, well I mean

we wouldn't say no.

I suppose I thought my word was enough

but if it's hard evidence you're requiring

then maybe you're a man

of science after all.

So, is he going to come back

with a little alien or something?

Here's hoping.

See, I couldn't play the trombone before

and now I can.

The, the aliens taught you

how to play the trombone?

How long were you up there?

Yeah, Seamus, how long did you

attend this intergalactic music camp?

It wasn't a music camp.

Don't you see

they gave me the knowledge.

I didn't know it at the time but

afterwards I had an uncontrollable urge

to play this instrument.

Without ever picking one up before

I just knew I could play it.

How's that for proof?

It's looking really cool on camera.

What?

My f*cking mooing?

Is there anything

that I can do to help?

Look, I know it's awkward, right

I know it is

but you have to ask her

to stop licking my ears.

Licking your ears?

Look, I'm not a prude or anything

but when she licks

that far down my earhole

I can't hear the f*cking dialogue.

So, you want me to ask Jemima Rowlands

to stop licking into your earholes?

I'm missing my cues, man.

Well can't you kind of bob and weave

when you see her tongue coming at you?

She's so fast for her age.

It's all the Pilates.

Sorry, I was just

Could you leave us

for a moment, please?

I absolutely can.

James, I'm going to give you

the same advice I gave to Toby Garfield

or Andrew Maguire

or whatever the f*ck his name is

- Ms. Rowlands

- Stick with it, dipshit.

Jemima, I've not been totally

straight with you.

- Are you g*y?

- No, no

The truth is I'm married.

James

I've been married four times

we're actors, we're not really

going to, to intercourse.

Of course, I know that but my wife

she gets really jealous

and it's all making me feel

a little f*cking weird.

- Your wife's not here, James.

- No, I know, she's in prison.

- Your wife is in prison?

- Yeah, and she's going to see it eventually

and I don't know

how she's going to react

and this whole love scene thing

is a little like new to us both.

Sorry, why is your wife in prison?

Yeah, she stabbed a banker

with a spork in Pret a Manger.

Ok right.

No, no, he's fine, he's fine.

Thieving f*ck

ripped her Dad's pension

but she got 18 months for it

and she's struggling, you know

and we had fertility issues

and she's no time

to see her surrogate

she's in Mountjoy

and her wee girl is inside my sister

and I'm just feeling a little untethered.

- You know?

- So

- at home your sister is growing your baby?

- Yeah.

And at work

you're having sex with your mother.

Yeah, and I'm a Scorpio.

Oh!

This studio, they turned me down for

the lead part in Catfishing with Cleopatra

for age reasons

and then they offer me

the mother role in this

and that does something

to your head, you know?

- Yeah.

- Sorry if I was coming on a bit strong.

Oh, by the way

they're f*cking idiots

there is not a man alive

that would not cut off his right ear

to have those lips on his neck.

Thanks, Big Jim.

I needed to hear that.

Wow.

I don't think I'm ever going to get used

to being kissed by Jemima f*cking Rowlands.

Freaky as f*ck.

Four pints, three ciders

and two wee chasers, Shel

and f*ck it

we'll take a pot of tea as well.

I mean how is that proof?

It's like playing tennis

and saying it proves that you shot JFK.

Well for what it's worth

I believe your Da.

No way did he sh**t JFK.

I don't get it

what does he want?

Same as what every Dad wants

I suppose.

To be mysterious enough

that nobody interrupts their time

playing f*cking computer games.

- What else is he bullshitting about?

- What?

- I can't hear you.

- Oh no worries, I can just talk louder!

You know what might be even better?

- You could give me a f*cking hand.

- Oh, oh right sure

- yeah, no like pulling pints?

- No, like put this on and bus tables.

Why have you been avoiding me?

And why'd you Judas me in the pub?

Why are you holding a trombone?

We're filming.

I've been able to play

ever since that night.

Don't know how or why, this is

what I am now Wendy, a tromboner.

What was that?

I just agreed with you in Aramaic.

I am fluent in a language that hasn't

been popular for 1,000 years

and I have no idea why either.

What the f*ck?

And that smell, what was it?

- A mixture of burnt hair and

- Banana bread?

Exactly that.

I can't touch the stuff now.

I always wonder what happened

to that alpaca, poor b*stard.

It can't just be us, Wendy

there must be others.

Oh f*ck, Seamie

I could hardly handle the two of us.

I'm done in Drumban

I have a few days left

of sh**ting and then I'm out of here.

I'm sorry if you feel alone

or lost at sea

that's what happens

when you build a f*cking canoe.

Aye.

So that's you away then?

Back to your fancy parties

and drinks dos?

That is not my life.

"Martinis up."

That is our last shot of the day.

They need me.

They're not alone.

Seamie wait

It doesn't feel right

just going off without

What?

Go on, just say it

say it.

Seamie, I'm pretty sure

your wife is cheating on you.

Jesus, Wendy

can't you give it a rest?

How much revenge

can one woman take?

- This is not revenge.

- You're leaving

you got what you wanted.

There's no need to wreck my head

on your way out the door.

Well, I'm not lying,

I've simply grown an aversion

to people being left in the dark.

I didn't want you to look foolish.

Well you should've stayed

in f*cking America then.

Yeah, I probably should have.

Sonny?

Safe home now.

Fecking doggers.