01x09 - The Playoffs

[bunniefuu]

I know I have a problem.

I'm just asking, please, Isla,

just let me stay through the playoffs,

and I won't take nothing.

No vikes, no percs, no Xannies. Nada.

On God.

Here we go.

I need Travis in the playoffs

to keep my job.

Is it wrong to let him play

before he gets help? Maybe.

Then again,

sometimes doing the wrong thing

ends up being the best thing.

When we were kids, Ness confided in us

that he wanted to go to theater camp.

Cam and I made so much fun of him,

he started sh**ting baskets

every day for five hours.

Ten years later, he was in the pros.

So that cruel teasing was the best thing

that ever happened to him.

This is Nick Scott,

my friend Jennifer's fiancé.

Now, to the untrained eye,

hooking up with him

makes me a piece of sh*t.

But what you don't know

is that me breaking them up

led to Jennifer meeting

her now-husband and living her best life.

I'd love to tell Jennifer,

"You're welcome,"

but she won't speak to me.

Okay, I nicked

a random car at work.

But had I stopped to write a note,

I wouldn't have passed

Sandy's office in time

to see him choking on a piece of toro.

So, sometimes doing the wrong thing

can lead to the right outcome.

All right, you can play.

But the second the postseason is over,

you're going into rehab,

and you will be sober.

And I don't mean

bullshit California sober.

I mean, no-fooling,

Robert-Downey-Jr. sober. You got me?

I got you. Thank you.

Holy sh*t.

Playoffs, my favorite time of year.

Except for maybe when

the SI Swimsuit Edition comes out.

Now, speaking of ladies that have posed

in great American magazines,

Isla Gordon is gonna be joining us

in the studio tomorrow.

Here in the flesh, on Murph's turf,

and I am gonna be busting out

the lawnmower on her a*s.

And it'll be respectful, of course…

Ali, I never should've agreed

to go on Sean Murphy. I'm canceling.

Let's see how the interview goes.

If she pulls a no-show,

then we'll know the truth.

That Isla Gordon can't take the heat.

- 'Cause when I am grilling someone…

- Goddammit. Never mind.

- Can she handle it? My ex-wife…

- Hey, got a second?

-Yeah, what's up, honey? I'm listening.

-Uh, can you, uh… Can you pause the show?

- Back after a word from Natty Bone.

- Mute. Yeah.

-Whoo, you look nice.

-Thank you.

Is this good for tomorrow night?

-What's tomorrow night?

-You serious?

It's the American Pediatric Awards.

Oh my God, of course. The pedos.

-You're getting your award.

-Yes, it's actually, uh, the pedis now.

They're trying to move away from

the old name for obvious reasons.

Look…

…I know you agreed to come

before you guys made the playoffs,

so if you need to miss my thing

for Game 1, I totally get it,

but it'd mean a lot to me

if you could sneak away for this one.

-I'm just saying--

-Of course I'm coming.

I mean, the second the game is over,

I'm headed straight to my man

to watch him get his pedo.

Pedis. If anybody asks,

it's the… it's the pedis.

Okay, I gotta go. I'll see you tonight.

Bye.

And I'll tell you this,

I'm gonna go deep on their perimeter D,

lack of size, and thin bench.

Okay, well, what if he brings up

your Playboy sh**t?

I own it. I was young and looked great.

Jealous, Sean?

Okay, sorry to interrupt,

but it is an emergency.

What's going on, Sandy? I'm kind of busy.

Bryson is showing VPL on Instagram.

What is VPL?

Visible p*nis Line.

Could you be more of an ally?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm struggling to see the emergency here.

Bryson's single,

which means Charlie is single, all right?

-How do I get him back?

-Why are you asking me?

Because the other day

you told me not to give up.

- "Gordons don't lose." Do you remember?

- Yes.

But we were not in the playoffs,

and now we are.

I mean, Charlie seems nice, but I have

zero bandwidth to even think about this.

Oh okay. So you're saying

this isn't important to you?

-Uh…

-That's exactly what she's saying.

Sandy, I'm sorry. I love you.

-Can you help with his g*y problems?

-Yes, I'll talk to him.

Jesus, Jackie.

I almost dropped my phone,

and this is a brand new OtterBox.

Hey, Sandy.

What's his problem?

He's just going through some sh*t.

Oh, good.

I mean, not good.

I was just worried he doesn't like me.

-Well…

-What?

Look, don't take it personally.

When I started here, I wanted the Gordons

to like me. And Sandy was the hardest.

I watched Drag Race for three years

before I realized

he's not that kind of g*y.

He's just a nerd who likes

The Making of WandaVision.

I just don't get it. Isla likes me.

Ness likes me. You like me.

Mmm, you like me. I tolerate you.

Hey, you're a Gordon.

Apparently, your dad said you guys

weren't losers. So go act like it.

Hey… bro.

I, uh…

I heard you talking in Isla's office

and I just--

I wanted to say I'm in a similar boat.

But, you know, my boat is a girl,

and yours is a guy.

Thank you for clarifying.

Where are you going with this?

Growing up, my mom made us

watch those old, classic,

Golden Age of Hollywood,

like, romantic comedies.

Pretty Woman, You've Got Mail…

Well, now I am feeling very old

in addition to being rejected by my ex.

Anyway, in all those movies,

at the end, there's this moment

where the guy goes

and does this big romantic gesture

and gets the girl back.

You should do that.

But you'd be winning back Charlie…

who's a guy.

Yes, yes, that was established. Thank you.

Did it work for the girl that you liked?

Oh, no.

She doesn't… She won't even talk to me.

But we'd only gone out once.

Thank you, but this is very different.

I was, um…

in love…

with Charlie.

So don't let him get away, bro.

- Hey.

- Hi, Marcus.

What are you doing here? Did Roy quit?

Roy's filling in

at a PayPal board meeting.

I was surprised to see Travis at practice.

I was even more surprised

to see he's on tomorrow night's roster.

He needs help. He can't play.

I spoke with Travis.

He promised he'd stay clean

and then go right to treatment

the second the season is over.

Oh, an addict made you a promise?

They always tell the truth.

Marcus, sometimes you have to make

tough calls if you want to win.

And again, Travis wants this.

You know…

I always liked your dad and brother.

But I knew they always

just saw us as horses.

If we broke our leg, we were done.

I thought you were different.

Turns out you ain't.

I--

-You want a ring so bad? Take this one.

-Oh.

There. Congratulations.

Thank you.

Oh my gosh, you know what?

Maybe I'll sell this on Pawn Stars.

-The show's not even on anymore.

-Yeah, it is.

Because I just read

that Season 23 is happening!

That was the most beautiful song.

I've got a confession to make.

That song was about you.

g*dd*mn you, Adam Sandler.

I am so in love with you.

Jackie. Jackie.

- Hey.

- Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

Look, I've decided to take your advice.

-Yes!

-Yeah.

Oh, I'm telling you, a Dave & Buster's

Power Card pays for itself.

Dude, if we combine our points,

we can get an ICEE machine for the office.

No. No, no, no,

about the romantic gesture.

So, last night

I was watching The Wedding Singer,

and it gave me the greatest idea.

So, tonight--

You're gonna try and win back Charlie

at the game. I'll make sure he's there.

Yeah.

Yeah, you kind of stole my thunder.

But, um, that is it, yes.

Okay.

Thanks for meeting me, guys.

So, let's just say, hypothetically,

one of our players

has a very serious personal issue,

but wants to finish out the playoffs

before seeking help.

Do you think I should let him?

Hey, if this is about Badrag

sending money to that separatist group,

we're already talking

to the State Department.

I think, um, that I would tell this player

that at this point of the season,

every guy is dealing with an injury

or a personal issue,

and it is part of the job

to man up and play through it.

Wow, Jay. I didn't think

you would say that, but I'll take it.

-Ness, you good with that?

-Yeah. Yeah, I think Jay's right.

Okay, Ness.

I can tell you don't. Just spit it out.

Look, when I was playing for the Waves,

I was playing on a sore Achilles.

I was already the boss's son,

I was riding the bench.

I didn't wanna make a big deal out of it,

so I decided to "man up."

I ended up fully tearing it,

and I've never been the same since.

Is… is that why you didn't dance

at your wedding?

Yes.

And I'd eaten a lot of balut.

It's a Filipino dish.

It's a fertilized chicken egg.

-That sucks.

-No, it's actually not that bad.

You just smother it in banana ketchup.

I meant your injury.

Oh yeah, that does suck,

but it's part of the deal.

Once I knew I couldn't play anymore,

my value around here was basically zero.

But this is the playoffs.

This is different.

I think you should take Jay's advice.

Super long-winded way

to say you agree with Jay.

-But I think I know what I'm gonna do.

-Yeah, winning over everything.

A little more on my cheek.

This… over here.

Thank you. And my forehead.

You know, just a little bit everywhere.

Wow, Gordon, you are really

sweating b*ll*ts over there.

-Don't tell me you're nervous.

-Should I be?

- Maybe.

- We're ready.

All right, here we go.

LA Waves Team President, Isla Gordon.

That's right, Sean. Ready to rumble.

When you took over the Waves,

some said it was a mistake, a whiff.

An airball.

A big ol' L for the organization.

That was you. You said those things.

I sure did. And, uh, I gotta say,

with the way this season has unfolded,

I was wrong.

-Wait, did you just say you were wrong?

-Yes, I did.

You took over a tough situation.

You handled things your way,

and now here you guys are,

about to go into the playoffs.

It's amazing.

I wrote all these comebacks on the cards.

I guess I don't need them now.

No, you sure don't. I said you were

nothing like your dad or your bro,

and I apologize for that.

You are just as much a k*ller

as they were, if not more.

The way you've taken over power

and gotten all the horses in your stable

doing exactly what you want,

my hat's off to you.

Thanks, Sean.

Now, let's talk playoffs.

You guys are undersized, overmatched,

playing a very tough defense.

Can your three-point shooters

deliver in the clutch?

Goddammit.

Hey, sorry, man, no walk-ins.

We're fully booked.

Hey, Charlie?

I'm Jackie, Sandy's brother.

Oh right, the… the new one.

What do you want?

I… I need you to go with me

to the game tonight.

Are you kidding me?

What is this, Sandy's idea?

Well, I kind of gave him the idea,

but now he wants to take credit for it.

Well, I'm not interested,

and also I can't.

I got back-to-back appointments

that'll take me all evening.

Oh.

I made all those appointments

to make sure you were free.

Seriously, dude? You booked five

custom grooming jobs for Lhasa Apsos.

Do you know how much money

that would've been for me?

Probably thousands.

You know what, can you please just go?

I can't leave without you.

I promised my brother…

-Don't make me get physical.

-Please, I'd kick the sh*t out of you.

No, don't. I'm very slight,

and this is the first time

Sandy's trusted me with something.

Please.

All right, fine, fine.

But only because I want him to pay me

for those non-existent Lhasa Apsos.

We can listen to whatever you want

in the car.

Okay, let's just go before

I change my mind.

Also, Taylor Swift.

Hi.

What's up?

Are you… Are you trying

to carpool or something?

Are you high right now?

Um…

Come on, we could roll together.

Let me just get my keys.

Travis.

Hey, Travis.

Travis, listen.

What?

We're gonna get you help.

I'm a little tired.

I didn't sleep that much last night,

but I'm good.

-No, stop.

-I barely got any sleep last night.

Travis, you're not playing.

Okay?

You still have a place on this team,

but you're not playing.

Let's go pack a bag, all right?

Hey, Travis isn't gonna make it.

Talk later.

Gentlemen, a little adjustment.

Travis is out.

So Marcus,

you're gonna be playing point tonight.

Welcome to LA Waves basketball

on SportsVision West.

Tonight, the Waves start their playoff run

versus the Minnesota Frost.

And this is you.

Wait, Sandy's not even here?

Have fun.

No…

All right. Okay.

I guess I'm just watching

a basketball game now.

And now,

to sing the national anthem,

please welcome Billie Eilish.

Uh, hello.

My name is Sandy Gordon.

I am the CFO of the Los Angeles Waves.

- Where's Billie Eilish?

- Yeah!

Uh, she will be out here shortly, sir.

But I am here

because I was dating… this great guy.

No one cares. Where's Billie?

But when I was with him,

I… I… I wasn't always honest.

I said that I hated sharing entrées.

That I didn't like Taylor Swift.

And that he wasn't the best thing

that ever happened to me.

But those were all lies.

He is the best thing

that ever happened to me.

And as far as Taylor Swift goes,

Charles Benedict Connelly…

Dude, get off the court!

…you are my love story.

We were both young

When I first saw you ♪

I close my eyes

And the flashback starts ♪

I'm standing there ♪

On a balcony in summer air… ♪

At least sing Billie Eilish.

Romeo, take me somewhere

We can be alone ♪

I'll be waiting

All there's left to do is run ♪

You'll be a prince

And I'll be another prince ♪

It's a love story ♪

Baby, just say yes ♪

Sandy!

Billie Eilish will be making

her way to the court shortly.

You saw that, right?

Please tell me you didn't just get here.

I… I can't believe you humiliated yourself

in front of 20,000 people for me.

Charlie, I would do anything for you.

Actually, I have one more verse.

-No, nobody wants that.

-Okay.

Okay, how long is it to the rehab center?

Uh, 65 minutes.

Oh, you made a wrong turn.

Now it's saying 68.

Oh God, sh*t.

I'm barely gonna make it to Lev's thing.

Here, just type a message to "Ler Cell."

Who's Ler?

It's Lev. I just misspelled it

and never changed it.

Just type. "Hey, babe.

There's been a little work emergency."

"Nothing crazy. Just super annoying."

"I may be a little late,

but I will be there. I love you."

Heart emoji. Kiss emoji.

-Did you get all of it?

-In my own way.

Yo, wassup?

Finna be a lil late.

Work sh*t. All good, though.

What? Is she drunk?

Here we go.

- Hey.

- Here we go.

Hey, got a junkie for ya.

Ooh! That is not what we call them.

You're an incredible role model

for women everywhere.

Thank you.

Listen, say no to drugs.

Listen to your sponsor.

Yada, yada. Gotta go.

-Look at how far we've come.

-It's been a journey.

- To think I wanted you to trade my a*s.

- And I didn't.

And now I gotta go. I'm proud of you.

Four Seasons Hotel now.

Yo, so, I'm real high right now.

LA is up by five

going into the fourth quarter.

They've played well

despite missing Travis Bugg,

and there's still no good explanation

for why he's not out there, folks.

'Cause I'm saving his life, you moron.

Message from Ler Cell.

"Are you close?

We're about an hour till speech time."

Do you want to reply?

Reply.

"I'll be there, baby.

GPS says I'm 45 minutes away."

sh*t. This is gonna be close.

Wait, no, no, no.

Delete that last part. Delete it.

Hey, hey, um, my wife got the fruit tart,

but she wants to try the chocolate cake.

Can I take your fiancée's?

Howard, no. She's coming.

Coming up later…

It wasn't pretty,

but the Waves managed to hang on,

taking Game 1 from Minnesota, 91-83.

A solid start to the playoffs for LA.

Okay. Oh, take that.

Wait, thanks.

And this year's winner

of the One to Watch Pedi Award

is Dr. Lev Levenson.

Thank you.

And I could not have done this

without my beautiful fiancée,

whose constant presence in my life

has brought me nothing but happiness.

Love you, honey.

Thank you so much.

The T-shirt cannon

needs way more pressure.

-You know what I'm saying?

-Yeah.

Hey, what up, guys?

Hey, looking good on the kiss cam.

Thank you.

I'm actually, uh, really glad

I ran into you.

Could you call Jar and make a reservation

for me and Charlie?

Oh, uh…

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Great, thanks.

Actually, um, could you make it for four?

- Really?

- Yeah.

We should see if Ness and Bituin

want to join. Right?

- Yeah.

- Don't think they're busy tonight.

God, I'm ready for the bread at Jar.

Hey, babe.

So, funny story, I told the GPS

to go to the Four Seasons,

and it took me to the wrong one.

I should sue Google Maps.

And I know… I know

it was a huge night for you,

but I had to take Travis to rehab.

He was in really bad shape.

And we won, by the way.

Who knew doing the right thing

could pay off?

Um…

Got you a gift bag at a bat mitzvah.

It has your favorite, caramel corn.

The, uh… the popcorn gets lodged

in my dental implant. You remember?

Oh right. Yes. Sorry.

I don't have a dental implant, Isla.

So I don't pay enough attention. Got it.

Are we done

with this weird little pop quiz?

It's not that

you don't pay attention, Isla.

It's that I… I just don't think

that you care. There's a difference.

-Lev.

-Like tonight.

You didn't show up

because you just don't care.

How was I supposed to know that today

was gonna end up being totally insane?

Look, it was you who insisted on coming.

And by the way,

every day is insane for you,

but that doesn't forgive the fact

that you just don't give a sh*t

about my life.

Okay, this is ridiculous.

It was an honest mistake.

And yet you still haven't apologized.

Okay, fine. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I had to save a life

and miss your thing. Better?

Okay, I have an important job too, Isla.

And I still pay attention

to everything you say,

and I always make time for you,

but I don't get that in return.

Can we just wait until the playoffs

are done and talk about this later?

The playoffs will never be done.

There will always be another playoff,

another emergency that you choose over me.

Look, Isla,

I… I'm so happy that you got this job,

and I think that you

are so, so good at it.

And I never want to be

one of those as*h*le guys

who complains about

how much their wife works,

but… I don't know, maybe I need

more than you can give me right now.

So, are you breaking up with me?

I just-- I can't be here for a while.

I gotta go.

I don't know what it is

That I'm climbing to ♪

I hear your words in my head

You said, "The mountain is you" ♪

And only worry can bring me down ♪

Heart and my hands don't fail me now ♪

Won't let the weight of my fear

Go and knock me down ♪

Only way's up, no going around ♪

Oh ♪

You called my name

In the dead of night ♪

I was barely surviving

Almost left the climb ♪

Said don't look down

But open your eyes ♪

You were right

You said, "The mountain is you" ♪

The mountain is you ♪

You said, "The mountain is you" ♪

The mountain is you ♪