01x07 - The Road Not Taken

[bunniefuu]

- Careful, Midknights.

Watch your step.

- Eyes on your surroundings.

- Aww.

Hey, buddy.

- Simon!

No talking to squirrels!

- OK.

- [blows raspberry]

- Are you all right, Max?

- Of course.

I'm totally fine.

Just stay vigilant, people.

OK, I'm not totally fine.

Honestly, I don't exactly feel

unstoppable at the moment.

I mean, sure,

there's a prophecy about me,

but after we nearly got boiled

alive by trolls the other day,

I'm thinking it's a good idea

to play it safe.

Come on, everyone!

Stay alert!

We won't get hurt!

- Ouch!

- Hey, look.

The path splits in two.

- Ah, the proverbial fork

in the road.

Happy Garden Trail.

Well, I dare say

that sounds pleasant or--

Trail of the Dead.

[crow cawing]

- [sneezes]

- [screams]

- Sorry.

Hay fever.

- [sneezes]

- Sleeve?

Note to self, invent tissues.

- Which way does

the old daggerino say to go?

- Um--

- Oh, I hope it's not that way.

The Trail of the Dead

gives me goosebumps!

Get it?

Goosebumps.

- Ugh.

- Ugh!

Huh?

[dagger humming]

[crow cawing]

[all gasp]

- I don't like this dagger's

sense of direction.

Hmm.

According to this map,

both paths

lead to the same destination.

So in actuality,

we could take

the Happy Garden Trail

and still arrive

where the dagger

is instructing us to go.

But I defer to you, Max,

our brave leader.

- [laughs nervously]

Brave leader.

That's me.

I know what you're thinking.

"Max,

listen to the magic dagger."

But come on,

if both these roads

lead to the same spot,

why go down the trail

with the word "dead" in it.

I'm trying to play it

safe here, remember?

Sorry, dagger.

Happy Garden Trail it is.

- Thank goodness.

- [sneezes]

Sorry, daggerino.

- I'm not sure you all

got my joke from before.

That road gave me goosebumps!

- Because I'm a goose.

- We get it!

[upbeat music]

- Lotta people tellin' me

what I should be ♪

But I wanna make

my own destiny ♪

- [growls]

- Got a feelin' ♪

That it might be time

for me ♪

- To find my own way ♪

- [grunts]

- 'Cause I can feel it

in my heart ♪

It takes a lot to be brave,

but just a little to start ♪

Let's go take

a million chances ♪

Let's go change

our circumstances ♪

I'm gonna write

my own story ♪

And the hero is me ♪

Excellent news, sire.

We have found

Max and the Midknights.

Oh, finally!

Oh, bring them in,

bring them in!

I want to see

their idiotic little faces

before we chop off their heads.

[laughs]

Wait, who in

the blooming onion are they?

- We're Gayle

and the Goodknights,

Byjovia's hottest

new garage band.

- I'm sorry.

What is a garage?

Hit it, guys.

You just got here ♪

So please don't say

I've got to leave ♪

I just can't stay ♪

And if you go, I don't think

I'll get over you ♪

So change your tune,

don't say ♪

Good bye-Jovia ♪

Lute drop.

[lute clatters]

- Ugh.

Away!

Take them away!

And outlaw

all lute music immediately.

You've allowed

Max and the Midknights

to slip through your fingers.

They've likely escaped

the city limits by now.

Shall I send a search party?

- Of course,

send a search party,

you nattering nitwit!

Bring me my two best men.

[dramatic music]

[horses galloping]

[grunts]

[horses galloping]

Uh

- Bah!

- Sir Barley.

And Sir Bean.

- Reporting for highness,

Your Duty.

- Ugh.

Ugh! Ah!

These are my two best men?

By a long shot.

Fear not, my lord.

We'll capture

Mark and the Moonlights.

- It's Max and the Midknights,

you moron!

- Oh.

- My apologies, Your Highness.

Rest assured, nothing escapes

our eagle eyes.

[squawks]

Let's show him, Bean.

Eh, we see far.

- We see wide.

- [grunts]

[together]

We see all!

[soft dramatic music]

- [gasps]

This place is amazing!

Hey, Kev,

write this in your book.

- And on day ten,

Max and the Midknights

were rewarded

for playing it safe.

- You took the words

right out of my quill.

- Does anyone else

hear that singing?

[singing vibrant melody]

- Yeah,

and call me a silly goose,

but uh, I think

it's the flowers singing.

- [laughs]

Why, that's preposterous.

Flowers aren't equipped

with vocal cords.

- These ones sure are.

Look.

[flowers singing

vibrant melody]

♪

Sweet mother of flora.

[quirky music]

♪

Look, Barley, footprints.

- Huh?

Whoa, horsey.

Ah! Oh.

Affirmative.

It's the fugitives' footprints.

Perhaps they stopped

at this tavern.

And they appear

to be traveling with a goose.

- Or a tiny web-footed child.

You know,

I've seen one of those before.

- Oh!

- No, you haven't.

- Oh, really?

Do you have my eyes?

Do you know everything

I've seen?

Hmm?

Huh?

- Our rides

are leaving without us!

Ah! Oi!

Come back!

[horse neighing]

Everything's amazing!

So pretty.

Oh, man, it smells so good.

[flowers singing together]

We are so delighted ♪

You came upon

our garden fair ♪

Prance under our petals ♪

- I can't smell anything.

[sneezes]

- We are hungry

for an audience ♪

- Hmm?

Pipe down, buddy.

Anyone feel like dancing?

- Dancing?

- Whoo-hoo!

La la la la la ♪

La la la la la ♪

[laughter]

What is happening right now?

[all laughing and humming]

Uh, guys?

Quite right, Edmund.

You are so smart.

It should be more gruesome.

Ugh!

What are you doing?

- We're discussing how to

t*rture Max and the Midknights

when they're finally captured.

- I say we catapult them

off the highest tower!

- And I say we make them sing

the wheels on the oxcart

go round and round

until they go insane.

Oh, you two are diabolical!

I love it! I love it!

I love it! I love it!

I love it!

[laughs]

- Your focus should not be

on these wretched children,

but on finding Mumblin.

If we don't find him,

he could threaten your reign.

[whispering indistinctly]

My advisors say

you make a good point.

Proceed.

- Luckily,

the bumbling old coot

left something behind.

These numbers are out of order.

And if we determine

the meaning of this word,

B-I-N-G-O,

it could reveal

Mumblin's true whereabouts!

[all snoring]

[sneezes]

Well, that song

sure was nice and all,

but shouldn't we get going?

Hey, Millie,

you dropped your wand.

Magic schmagic.

[chuckles]

I'm relaxing.

Relaxing?

Budrick, want to flap

those wings and fly the coop?

You know, 'cause you're a bird.

Get it?

- [sighs]

Got it.

Not getting up.

[soft dramatic music]

- Max,

shouldn't we keep moving?

Why move when we can sit.

Yeah, yeah.

I know.

You glow.

Big whoop.

- Uh, crazy thought,

but maybe the dagger

wants us to stop lying around

and get back to the mission--

[sneezes]

- Forget the mission.

- Forget the mission?

OK, what is going on?

You're all acting super weird.

Kevyn doesn't care

about writing,

Millie doesn't

care about magic,

your uncle Budrick

doesn't care about goose jokes,

and you don't care

about the mission!

What mission?

- The mission we've all been on

for the last ten days.

Follow the dagger,

find King Conrad, save Byjovia!

- Remember?

- Relax, man.

You are so harshing my vibe.

You know what?

I'm getting a bad feeling

about this place.

Something's not right--

huh?

Suspicions confirmed.

Flowers have tied me

to the ground.

- [grunts]

- I can't move.

Me either.

Me too.

- It's not a big deal.

Look.

OK, this might be a problem.

My dagger!

Simon, I think you might be

onto something here.

I am so tired of being right!

- Listen, the flowers

are singing again.

[flowers singing

ominous melody]

[flowers singing together]

We are so delighted ♪

You came upon

our garden field ♪

Prance under our petals ♪

Breathe deep

the fragrant air ♪

We're hungry

for an audience ♪

Starving for applause ♪

Let us sing you

off to sleep ♪

Relax inside his jaws ♪

Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

[screams]

Ha ha ha ha ♪

- Did they just say

"inside his jaws?"

Um, who is he?

[suspenseful music]

[roaring]

[all screaming]

This seems fine.

- What an extraordinary way

of hunting,

luring your prey

into submission

via delightful song

and intoxicating aromas?

- Quite ingenious.

- Wait a minute!

Simon, how come

you weren't affected, huh?

Were you working

with the flowers?

- I wasn't working

with the flowers, Millie.

It was my hay fever.

[sneezes]

I couldn't smell a thing.

- Ooh, yep.

It's snot city up there.

- Perhaps this is why

the dagger told us

- to take the other path.

- Uh. No!

The dagger is gone.

Where is it?

It's got to be

around here somewhere.

[tense music]

♪

Ah!

Uh, anything?

- No dagger,

but would you settle

for a second-hand garden gnome?

Get that thing out of here.

That dagger

was the one thing

that could lead us

to King Conrad.

And if we don't have it,

we can't find him,

and it's goodbye prophecy.

I was trying to keep us

out of danger,

and instead, I led us

into an even bigger mess.

[sighs]

Well, if I can't save Byjovia,

at least I can try

to get us all out of here.

Ooh, I've got an idea!

- Let me guess.

What goes in must come out?

- No.

OK, yes.

You know me so well, Simon.

- Uh, how about we explore

some other options?

Maybe we can get out

the way we came in.

- It seems they've headed down

the Happy Garden Trail.

Oh, phew!

I didn't want to go down

the Trail of the Dead.

Onward, horsey.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Hey, you get back here.

Forget it.

We'll just continue on foot.

But those horses are long gone.

- Something spooked them,

Barley.

Maybe this Happy Garden Trail

isn't as peaceful as it looks.

[flowers singing

vibrant melody]

Oh, I don't know.

I hear a lovely singing

coming from down there.

- Let's go!

- [giggles]

Small question.

How do we open its mouth?

- You're the animal guy.

Try talking to it.

Fine!

Hey, Mr. Garden Beast,

will you please let us out?

[roaring]

Guessing that's a no.

- Guys, you're forgetting

that there's a magical person

here, a.k.a. moi.

Simon, wand me.

Ha!

[spirited orchestral music]

♪

- All you did

was whiten its teeth!

- Yeah, that was a mistake,

although he did have

some serious coffee stains.

You're welcome, Garden Beast.

[roaring]

Step aside, kids.

I'll handle this.

Coochie-coochie-coochie-coo.

Who's a little

ticklish monster-wonster?

Who is?

Who is?

I guess not this guy.

[sighs]

[laughing]

- Barley, we truly are

the best seekers in the land,

- aren't we?

- Undoubtedly, Bean.

- We see far.

- We see wide.

[together]

We see all!

[growls]

[both screaming]

Come on, guys.

This is our chance!

[gasps]

[both screaming]

Ugh!

[both gasp]

- Spirits and mystic,

poet and bard,

reveal the secrets

of Mumblin's card.

- B-18.

I-23.

What did you say?

Ugh!

[ominous music]

Yes!

There he is.

Mumblin.

- He's assembling

an army of sorcerers.

Oh.

- Oh!

- [groans]

- Hey!

- Look, Barley.

It's Max and the Midknights.

And the goose!

I told you it was a goose.

- For your information,

I happen to be a troubadour.

Blimey!

He talks!

- Well, whatever occupation

this goose may hold,

you are all under arrest!

- You can't arrest us

after we've

just been swallowed

by a monster.

It's true.

You have no jurisdiction

inside the belly of this beast.

- Hmm.

They make a good point, Barley.

Keep quiet, Bean.

We already drew our swords.

- How about we call

a temporary truce

and work together

to get out of here?

- Hmm.

- Oh.

Should we really cooperate

with the fugitives?

What would King Gastley say?

- Well, he'd never have

to know, would he?

Besides,

we are trapped in here.

Maybe we can figure out

how to get out on our own.

- I say, have you

tried tickling the beast?

Yup, didn't work.

- The tiny

web-footed child

says tickling is a non-starter.

Then we have no choice, Bean.

Very well.

We've decided

to accept the temporary truce.

- Yeah, we heard everything

you just said.

Oh, great.

- Not the sharpest tools

in the shed, are they?

OK, that's settled.

Let's find a way

out of this thing's mouth.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Ah, ah!

[all screaming]

- Just when you think

things can't get any worse.

Incredible.

We now appear to be in the

second stomach of the beast.

I would surmise,

as with dolphins and cows,

this chamber is for digesting.

[together]

Digesting?

See?

These teeth

must be for grinding down

tough food and bones.

Cool!

- Ah!

- Oh!

Oh, no.

[dramatic music]

- Maybe we can get out

of this second stomach

and back to the first stomach.

- Come on!

Start climbing!

♪

My dagger!

♪

- Everyone, wait!

- Wait?

- We've got

to follow the dagger.

I ignored it earlier.

I took the wrong path

because I was scared,

and that was a mistake.

Guys, we can't fight it.

The only way through this thing

is through this thing.

- Are you saying

what I think you're saying?

- Do you know what

they're talking about?

- Not a clue.

- No.

But would you mind asking?

- Uh, no problem.

- Yeah, thank you.

- Cheers.

- Oh, sorry.

[laughs]

What are you proposing?

- We will follow

the path of digestion

to its natural conclusion.

- Making room for lunch?

- Building a log cabin?

Going number two?

- Well, um,

how can you go a number?

- We're going to have

to get pooped out.

- Oh!

- Oh!

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, I know that.

Oh, no.

This is gonna be awesome!

I believe we're about

to make scientific history.

- Well, I'd rather make history

some other way.

Max, are you sure about this?

- Not at all.

Now come on!

[grunts]

- Whoa!

- Whoo-hoo!

[screams]

[upbeat music]

♪

[stomach gurgles]

[farts]

- It worked!

[laughs]

So disgusting and amazing!

- Oh, I'm so glad

I can't smell right now.

- Let's do that again!

- Yeah-hoo!

- I gotcha, buddy.

[sighs]

I swear

I'll listen to you from now on.

- Wait,

where are the other two?

Ugh.

We can't leave

those two dimwits behind.

Hey, we heard that.

And yes, please don't.

All right, everyone.

Pull!

[all grunting]

[farts]

[laughter]

- We're alive!

- We're free!

[both sniffing]

[together]

You're disgusting!

Oh.

Thank you for saving us.

No need to thank us.

We're not out of the woods yet.

[roaring]

- I think it's coming back

for seconds.

The dagger says, run!

[energetic music]

[roars]

♪

[roaring]

♪

Come on!

I think if we get to the sign,

we'll be out of its reach.

Hurry, Uncle Budrick.

You try waddling fast.

It's harder than it looks.

Max!

[honking]

♪

[dramatic music]

♪

[all screaming]

[all cheering]

- They keep shouting out

these stupid numbers.

I still have no idea

where Mumblin is!

Ah!

- She's lost it.

Hmm.

Did it ever occur to you

that something important

- was written on the back?

- The back?

Well, I would have seen that,

but, uh,

- your socks were distracting me.

- Uh-huh, right.

- Do I sense sarcasm?

- Sarcasm? Me?

[laughs nervously]

No.

- Good.

Because I don't like sarcasm!

Noted.

Copyright,

Shady Acres Home

for Aged Sorcerers,

Rackleff, Maine, 1979.

[gasps]

Mumblin's hiding in the future.

- The future?

- Bingo.

- Bingo!

[snoring]

[gasping]

Doris.

- [bleats]

- I just had a very bad dream.

- And we're back

where we started.

Yep.

And I get a second chance

to get it right.

Well, fellas, I do believe

this is where we part ways.

Yeah, about that,

while we appreciate you

not leaving us in the, um, uh--

Caboose?

Posterior?

Not front?

The rear.

Let's call it the rear

of that creature.

I'm afraid our temporary truce

must cease.

- You are hereby under arrest!

- Uh, think again.

- Hey, untie us.

Come on!

Hey!

- Bye, guys.

Nice meeting you!

- Bye-bye.

Nice meeting you, too.

- I mean, no, wait, wait.

No, come back.

- Trail of the Dead,

here we come.

[sighs]

Ah.

[tender music]

It's OK to be nervous, Max.

Like you said,

the only way through this thing

is through this thing.

[uplifting music]

OK.

Guys ready?

The dagger

still says to go this way.

- Yep.

- Ready.

You got it.

- Well,

what are we waiting for?

- And so, as Max

and the Midknights embarked

on the next leg

of their journey,

they were emboldened

by a newfound sense of hope.

For, after one had survived

being devoured and

[clears throat]

Evacuated

by a giant plant monster,

it is difficult to imagine that

things could get any worse.

Maybe you're right, Kev.

Maybe we have seen

the worst of it.

[dramatic music]

♪

- We are so delighted you

came upon our garden field ♪

Prance under our petals ♪

Breathe deep

the fragrant air ♪

We're hungry

for an audience ♪

Starving for applause ♪

Let us sing

you off to sleep ♪

Relax inside his jaws ♪

Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

Ha ha ha ha ♪

Ha ha

ha ha ♪