Director's Cut (2016)

[bunniefuu]

Hello. I'm Herbert Blount.

B-L-O-U-N-T.

Welcome to my director's commentary

of my director's cut of Knocked Off.

You're watching my director's

cut, not this other guy's.

And my director's cut stars Missi Pyle.

She is the greatest movie

star that has ever lived.

It was my honor to work with her.

I realized right away

she was the greatest actress of our time

when I first saw her in Galaxy Quest.

But, she's fantastic in all the other

119 movies she's starred in too.

Now my friend, Sam?

He says that this cut of the

movie you're about to see

is a fan edit,

but that term doesn't apply here.

I'm not a fan. I'm... I'm a director.

And in my director's cut,

I'm gonna share everything.

I'll show you what I did,

and I'll tell you how I did it.

These days, you don't need to waste money

on film school anymore.

The greatest filmmakers of our time

have been sharing all

their secrets with their

director's cuts, special

features, and commentaries.

And I've seen every single one of them.

And now that I'm a filmmaker,

it's my duty to pass

this knowledge on to you,

the next generation.

It's called paying it forward.

Another guy started this movie,

but I felt I had to take it over.

I obtained all the footage,

and took charge of the

edit of this movie myself

to create my ultimate director's cut.

some deleted scenes that

should never have been deleted,

and some previously unseen

behind-the-scenes footage.

This version is way better

than the theatrical cut

that came out a few years ago.

No wonder it bombed!

This movie was crowdfunded,

and I started out as

one of the crowdfunders.

For those of you who don't

know what crowdfunding is,

it's where filmmakers go

directly to the fans online

to fund their movie.

You know, like Kickstarter.

Some crowdfunders contributed

a smaller amount of money,

and they got a t-shirt.

Some people contributed

larger amounts of money,

and got things like a screen

credit, or even a line in the movie.

I bought the "Executive

Producer" credit package.

See? Blount.

B-L-O-U-N-T.

God bless crowdfunding.

Even though there were all

these other crowdfunders

who bought executive producer credits,

I was the only one on set

all 32 days of the sh**ting.

I take filmmaking very seriously.

It's my calling.

As you can see by all these names,

film's a collaborative medium.

But at the end of the day,

there's only one director.

I spent a lot of time fixing this movie.

That's why I'm the director.

This is my movie now.

Close your eyes for a

moment and think about that.

Close your eyes riiiiight now.

Okay. Open your eyes.

My director's cut is starting.

We all remember the

long, single Steadicam shot

in Orson Welles' classic Touch of

Evil, or Birdman.

Get that down.

I have one, too.

Mine has a prost*tute.

Do you even know who I am, huh?

I just f*cked the mayor

last week, okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

- This should not be allowed!

- We got a wild hooker over here.

- I'm almost an American citizen!

She's not a real prost*tute.

I asked her, and she got a little mad.

She's actually one of our crowdfunders.

She paid to be in this movie.

Back in the old days of Hollywood,

if you wanted to be an actor,

you'd have to enroll in acting school,

and go on lots of auditions, and get lucky.

But nowadays,

all you have to do is PayPal $500

to a crowdfunding site.

Poof! You're an actor!

Most of these cops,

they're crowdfunders too.

They bought the Be A Cop package.

f*cking pig!

And my policy is, I don't take

sh*t from assholes like you.

See this guy?

He's not a crowdfunder.

This is Harry Hamlin.

He's only in movies because

his wife is on a reality show.

His character is Godfrey,

who is often called God.

He's a police detective who

doesn't play by the rules.

He doesn't take guff from anyone.

Real police take guff from everyone.

They really do.

But, God doesn't take guff from The Man.

Which is creative,

because real police are The Man.

Can I just say one thing? Yeah.

f*ck you!

I'm a big fan of the--

That's his

partner, Reed, right there.

They tryin' to repossess your

piece of sh*t car again?

No, it's the f*cking

satellite TV people.

That f*ck telling me to

watch my language?

If it weren't for swearing there

wouldn't be any cable TV, right?

Right. We were okay with the

county gambling away our pensions

but when it comes to talking

politely to the few people remaining

still making less than us?

Forget it.

Yeah. f*ck' assholes.

Keep your eye on

that clock on the wall.

It's 8:05, right?

Wait a minute.

Watch this. Keep watchin'.

Wh-What was that about gambling

away our pensions?

And see? Now it's 8:25!

Forget it, Godfrey.

You're right; she's an as*h*le.

It's the fault

of the continuity person.

There are mistakes just as bad

in Hitchcock and Spielberg movies.

Maybe we all had the

same continuity person.

What the f*ck?!

Didn't I fire you guys?!

Well, last week, but we didn't

think you really meant it.

So, we've still been showing up

for work.

Yeah.

Usually,

the police captain in movies

is an exasperated African-American man.

But, we went with the lady from Insidious.

Reed... God.

Into my office.

We just found these in an empty

apartment.

The neighbors called because

they couldn't stand the stink.

Whoa, must have been some

serious funk.

The name is Albert,

and the blood on the paddle

won't match the blood of the

victims.

Oh, cool.

How the f*ck do you know that?

Probably 'cause Reed is our

perp.

This is an Albert Fish

crime scene.

Albert Fish was the real life

Hannibal Lector, but worse.

Went to the electric chair with

a raging hard-on in the 1930s.

The idea is that

the Knocked Off k*ller

meticulously re-creates

crime scenes of the past.

But, is this supposed to be a flashback

to the real Albert Fish crime scene?

Or the k*ller's re-creation of it?

It's stupid either way.

And if this is the re-creation,

why would that girl be happily

sittin' there half-naked

with all those dead bodies around?

Makes no sense!

Forced his children to

beat his a*s

with a paddle with nails in it.

Then, he gutted his kids

and ate 'em.

And that's just not

true at all.

He didn't gut his own kids and eat them.

He gutted other people's kids and ate them.

In movies, when you change the facts

to suit what's convenient for the plot,

it's called taking artistic license.

But, it's just a fancy way of sayin' lying.

I would buy this

if she were being forced

to paddle him with nails.

But why is she smiling?

There's only so much you

can fix in the editing room.

f*ck!

Our shithead is back.

It's another knockoff.

He's mimicked Bundy, Dahmer,

Lucas, and now Fish.

Was there any old fashioned

stuff at the scene?

Yeah.

There was a pair

of antique glasses.

You can see her breathe.

Since when do dead people breathe?

Oh, man. What psycho is he

gonna knockoff next?

Nobody!

You two are gonna arrest him,

and you're gonna lock him up

forever.

I don't know if we can catch

this guy.

He seems pretty f*ck' smart.

Alright, alright, alright.

I got some help lined up for

you in the parking lot.

- Take this. Get outta here.

- Help? What do you mean?

- Go on!

- Oh boy. Here she comes.

These pictures are perfect.

They're f*cking perfect.

Perfect historic crime scene

reenactments.

This is the scene

where we get to see Missi.

This is a tough case, and they are stymied.

But, Missi Pyle is gonna solve it for them.

This is not passionate.

This is careful.

- It's really careful.

- We'll catch 'em.

The good guys have to win.

Unless you're dealin' with

a cable company as*h*le.

Here comes Missi's entrance.

Uh-oh... Don't look now.

But, there's a great piece of

a*s walkin' right towards us,

which I don't think is a good

thing.

That is rude and uncalled for.

Let's talk about great

movie film entrances.

The shadow of Indy Jones.

George C. Scott in front

of the big flag in Patton.

And now, Missi Pyle in my movie.

This is one of the great

movie entrances of all time.

Ooh! Watch this part!

This is my favorite shot in the movie.

I slowed it down so it could

breathe a little longer.

Yeah. Look at that.

Wow.

vrrrret

Detectives Winter and Taylor?

Agent Mabel Hendricks.

I've been loaned to you

by the FBI.

I'm a forensics shrink.

I've been studying

the Knocked Off case,

and I'm here to see if I can

give you any help.

She's really cold and

professional in this scene.

But, she won't be like

that the whole movie.

She can be very vulnerable.

You'll see her being vulnerable later.

Let's go catch a bad guy.

Well, I guess you got

all the info.

So, we'll just see ya

at the scene?

Can't I get a ride over there

with you two?

No.

Ah,

the little smoking man is threatened.

We do our best thinking

in the car.

It's where we talk.

Then that's where I need to be.

I would think,

even though they're g*y,

they would still be able to do their job

with a woman around, right?

This is called

an establishing shot,

and it establishes where the

car is before they go in.

Whoa, that smell.

It's Godfrey;

you'll get used to it.

You better get used to it.

It's death.

Death is our bread and butter.

Well Mabel, you went to college.

Who did it and where can we

find 'em?

It's true.

She went to Oxford School of Drama.

I say we knock on some doors.

Police! Open up!

The m*rder site is next door.

You follow the yellow tape

and the brown shoes.

That's Gilbert Gottfried.

He was in Problem Child 2.

- Jesus Christ!

- Ugh!

What is that smell?

It's incense; it's all I got.

I can't stand that dead guy

stink.

Here comes the reason

we all watch director's cuts:

to see important collector's outtakes

that were left out of the movie

because of big corporate decisions.

You're about to see a shot

that has never been seen by anyone, ever,

but was part of my original vision.

We're gonna have to come inside,

and see what you got left

around.

You got a warrant?

Here we go.

And, action!

There! That's my shot.

You can tell it wasn't

in the corporate release

because it has what's called timecode.

Timecode is numbers flashing

at the bottom of the screen

to tell the editor not

to put it in the movie.

You didn't k*ll anyone,

and we don't care about

your pot and love dolls.

We're lookin' for

a really bad guy.

You can trust us.

Look at her face.

Her face really

is perfectly symmetrical.

This is a rookie mistake.

Even if you haven't done anything wrong,

never let a cop in without a warrant!

And if you have done something

you might think is wrong,

then really don't let them in.

You know, unless it's Missi.

Nice place.

I think I saw it profiled once

in Better Homes and Weirdos.

So, uh...

All the checks and everything

were written in the name

of Albert Fish?

And his occupation was

house painter, right?

This writer just read Wikipedia.

Well, house painter,

dangerous serial k*ller.

I forget which one.

Uh-huh. So, how'd he move his

furniture in?

It was one of these

starving student moving

companies

that had a big Jewish star

on the side.

Here's a big problem

I had to fix in this movie.

Why isn't Missi in any of these shots?

She's coming through and is

listening to what they're saying.

Being suspicious of him.

In my version,

problem solved!

I just used one of the many

shots of Missi they didn't use.

What were they thinking?

Are you ever gonna yell, "Cut"?

Or, do you want me to read

the whole thing?

This isn't just

the strip club scene

from every cop movie.

It juxtaposes the purity of Missi

in a crass and dirty world.

C'mon!

How 'bout a nice applause?

And just

remember: No kissing, no touching, n--

I don't know who this actor is,

but they say he's been in a lot of movies.

Now coming to the stage, Mariah!

I'm sorry, Mabel.

Are we making you feel uncomfortable?

I mean, you told us just to

carry on as usual.

This is where we come to think.

In case you're wondering why

Godfrey's always sucking

on that vaporizer pen,

it's a result of what's

called product placement.

Like in Castaway.

The charactor of Wilson

was product placement.

Ramirez? Gacy? Who's next?

Berkowitz? Son of Sam is very

important in this culture.

Yeah, but he wasn't artistic.

He was just a crazy guy k*lling

people.

Crazy guy k*lling people.

Crazy guy k*lling people.

Watch. She's in

character all the time.

What the other two guys

are saying in this scene

doesn't even matter.

This scene is about watching Missi think.

And she's thinkin' that even

though she's wearing pants

she has a much more beautiful behind

than that woman who is trying so hard

to get us all to look at her.

bleep!

Missi walks alone.

Before she has to meet Reed

and Godfrey in the next scene,

she needs a little private

time to think about the case.

There was no crew around or anything.

This was just me and Missi.

A director and his star makin' magic.

Now that Missi's

had some alone time,

she joins her idiot cop partners here

at this phony moving and storage company.

I can give ya everything I have.

There's no mover/client

privilege as far as I know.

Fancy schmancy mirror shot.

Not needed!

Just tell the story, and tell it well.

So, it might be under

Albert Fish?

I kept this scene in for this guy.

He was in Total Recall.

Right, six weeks ago.

Albert Fish.

136 Brewster Street.

Could we have a copy

of all the records you have

for Albert Fish, please?

They remade Total Recall in 2012,

but I always say,

you should only change a movie

if you can make it better.

Wait a minute.

This is a check from another

name.

Charles Whitman.

That's not a very Jewish name.

No, that's a very Texas name.

This whole

scene was kind of a waste

of that Total Recall guy.

Birds chirping,

church bells, a nice day.

Everyone pretending to

be walking someplace.

Watch this!

When a guy is walking

that fakey in a movie,

you know something really

bad is about to happen.

Three... two... one...

Bang!

See?!

This is supposed to be

one of the Knocked Off k*ller's

meticulously re-created crime scenes.

Bang!

This one is of Charles Whitman.

They cast a different

actor to play the k*ller

in each crime scene re-creation

which is really confusing.

Is this supposed to be the real

Charles Whitman in a flashback?

Or, is this supposed to be the

k*ller dressed as Charles Whitman?

They should've never

shown the k*ller's face

until the very end.

This is really amateur.

bang!

Watch this.

This is the only redeeming

part of this whole scene.

It establishes a major character.

And they cut it out!

Tell him not to look in

the camera.

- Waaaah!

- Keep running!

Herbie!

Don't look at the camera!

Notice in the

center of the screen?

That tall, athletic fellow?

He's gonna be really

important later in the movie.

Hello.

be-be-beep!

Okay.

Ohh.

Ohh. Haha!

Wow.

There was a very

famous acting book writer

named Stanislavski

who wrote that we must know

what every character has

in her dresser drawers.

In this behind-the-scenes footage,

you see me, the director,

giving you a visual tour

of Missi's private room,

and all the things she touches.

Oh.

Oh, man.

I can--

I can grab that.

She won't notice.

I put some little tiny

cameras up all over the room,

so I could sh**t some more

traditional scenes later

that Missi won't even know are being shot.

She can act in my movie without

even knowing she's acting.

That's how good a team we are.

We work together great.

This is very intimate.

This is exciting filmmaking.

Now that we've learned

all that about her character,

and what she wears, we have a

better sense of what she's feeling

when she comes back to her hotel room

after a hard day of police things.

One of the things I love

about John Carpenter and Clint Eastwood,

is that they do their own musical scores.

I also write my own scores.

Well, today we did that

strip club scene.

Yeah, it was like this snappy

cop dialogue,

and then just t*ts everywhere.

Like, everywhere I look

there were a bunch of t*ts.

Here she is giving her full report

to her FBI supervisor.

Why don't you tell me about

your day.

Get me out of this crazy

crowdfunded cop--

Thank you for

calling the Andaz Hotel.

How may I direct your call?

Hello. Missi Pyle's

room, please. Room 322.

My pleasure to

connect you.

She's about to get

a very important phone call

about the Knocked Off case.

Will you tell her I said hi?

Oh, you know what?

That's the hotel phone.

Adam wrote some rewrites

and, I want to have them--

When you're a police

officer working on a case,

you can't just count on a private evening.

Okay. I love you more.

That's just code.

She doesn't mean it that way.

Hello?

There's been a

horrible sh**ting!

Better get to the university

tower pronto!

Who the f*ck is this?!

She's shocked that the Knocked

Off k*ller has struck again.

Don't you f*cking call here again, okay?

I will call the f*cking cop--

Sometimes, great directing can be

just knowing when to use slow-mo.

August 1, 1966.

Not much of a tower, huh?

What?

Texas tower sn*per.

Poor b*stard couldn't find his

perfect tower.

Whitman's tower was 27 floors

up, right?

Yeah, I guess something like

that.

Much more than this and

a clock tower.

It's hard to find a tower in LA.

Yeah, I'm from Texas.

I know Charles Whitman.

When Charles was

sh**ting in Texas in 1966,

some good ol' boys pulled out

their g*ns and fired back.

That didn't happen in

California.

These are all unarmed victims.

You know, um, I gotta take

a piss.

If he really had to pee,

all the stars had fancy mobile

homes with private bathrooms.

We crowdfunders had to use

these tiny porta-potties,

which were really uncomfortable

especially for a big guy like me.

Don't look up at the tower

too much, alright?

Most police people

would get everyone safe

and find their own cover.

But, movie tough guys like

to do everything themselves.

You don't ever catch Tom Cruise

doin' things the smart way.

Don't f*cking move

a f*cking inch.

You have the right to

remain silent.

That's called an in-joke.

Action!

This is one of the

new scenes I shot myself

exclusively for my director's cut.

And... Action!

In it, I pull back the

curtain on how movies are made.

I'm combining the special

features right into the movie.

Cut!

That was awful.

I got an idea.

Here, Missi approaches this guy

when he was still trying

to direct Knocked Off

before I had to take over.

He's just a bossy little guy.

And that girl is putting

suntan lotion on him.

What kind of sissy,

wannabe director is that?

- What time d'ya need to be out?

- Is there any way--

- Is there any way we can swap i?

- Excuse me, Miss Pyle?

I need to be out of here

by 6PM like at the latest.

You need to be outta here

by 6PM?

- Missi? Missi?

- I mean, maybe 6:30.

I-I bought the reward

to have dinner with you.

We don't get the cars until 5PM.

- Uh, Miss Pyle?

- Excuse me. I'm sorry.

- Can you just--?

- I was told I was allowed to film here.

It's okay.

Actually, he's a crowdfunder.

And he's paid for the privlege

to be able

to videotape the whole

experience.

Thank you very much.

Just give us--

Let me go in there.

He might open up to a woman.

She might be right.

She's the one with all the

fancy shrink credentials.

Well, that's good thinking.

No, that's real good thinking.

Except, I'm gonna go in there.

I caught him. I get the fun.

Charles Joseph Whitman

was born, when?

Early 1940s? Yeah, '41, I think.

About as early as you can get

in the 1940s

without it being 1940.

He added the name Joseph

himself at his confirmation.

He wa-- He was, he was an altar

boy and a marine.

If he hadn't gone f*cking wacky

and k*lled all those people,

he could have easily been alive

and unknown today.

Just like the rest of us

nobodies.

Hmm. Ya know, I'm pretty okay

being nobody.

We all know it's

too early in the movie

for this to be the real bad guy.

This isn't his movie.

We know whose movie this is.

Listen guys,

I'm what you real cops call

a leather sniffer.

I listen to the police band and

I like to go to crime scenes.

This guy gives me the willies.

Is that why you k*lled

all those people?

I was afraid this was gonna

happen.

I'm getting aroused.

Creepy.

The idea of being brutalized

by cops turns me on.

You know, the funny thing is,

I'm not g*y.

Not at all.

I'm a successful breeder.

But, this attention and danger

really turn me on.

Oh no! You sick f*ck!

Tell us what you did!

You'll feel a lot better

when you do.

I'm sorry, but, I didn't hurt

anyone.

- Oh, yeah?

- Sorry I'm wasting your time.

I know I didn't do the crimes,

and I should prove that to you

as quickly as possible,

so you can get back to work.

I love this room.

I love the smell.

I love the tension.

I love... feeling guilty.

I love the coffee on your

breath.

Feel how hard I am.

- You f*cking psycho!

- Oh god!

- Stop f*cking around and spill!

- God dammit!

Ohh!

Even beyond my wildest dreams.

I am sooo gonna spill.

Maybe right here.

I can't wait to get home to the

wife. Ohh!

You m*therf*cking piece of sh*t!

Ohh!

Aw, sh*t!

Too late to save it for the

wife.

Aww, you f*ck!

Yech!

Hold me the f*ck back!

f*ck! Look at this

f*cking freak-o!

It sucks! That sucks!

- God!

- Let me at that f*ck!

Not just yet.

God dammit,

it's f*cking disgusting!

Who the f*ck does he

think he is?

See?

Told you he wasn't the k*ller.

This is his only scene in the movie.

Well, at least he's

not pressing charges.

Yeeeeah...

And, he didn't even want you to

pay his dry cleaning bill.

He did seem like our guy.

Maybe he was Godfrey's guy,

but he wasn't ours!

I lost it. I-I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah. You lost it alright.

I saw the video.

- He did it! f*ck!

- Godfrey! Godfrey!

They're not really supposed

to hit you when you're in custody.

They shouldn't hit you, but they do.

I'm gonna give you

a few weeks off.

- Without pay!

- What?

Get the f*ck out of

my office. Now!

All-Alright, alright.

I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

And don't get a drink before

you get home, you as*h*le!

Alright. You two are

partners now.

She has the authority

to command a federal agent

to partner with a local police detective?

I guess, in this movie world,

she's the first female

President of the United States.

We'll do our best.

Come on.

Too bad you can't see it,

but I'm wearing a fantastic

Boba Fett costume,

so Missi won't recognize me from the set.

I did this on purpose so

she wouldn't know it was me

and give a little more

spontaneous performance.

Little director tricks

you pick up along the way.

Ms. Pyle? Ms. Pyle?

I'm a really big fan.

I work for a little

science fiction blog.

Can I--

Can I ask you a question?

Actually, I'm just really tired.

Would you mind tweeting it

to me? Thank you.

Do you think the police

can always solve crimes

by themselves?

Or do they sometimes need help

from an outside source?

Someone outside of the police?

Listen, I just memorize what

they write.

We're just selling popcorn,

right?

We improvised all that dialogue.

I love you.

I hate this scene,

but I left it in because

I wanted you to see

how good of an actor Missi really is.

She's acting as though she likes Godfrey.

I'm sorry you'll be gone

for two weeks.

You gonna miss me?

I'll miss you working the case.

You're a good cop.

But, I'll also miss you.

Whoa,

that just came outta nowhere!

You know, Reed said you'd

get used to the way I smell.

I got very used to it.

I even like your stupid vaping.

Nerd Bogart.

She was told to say that.

This is the writer.

This isn't her. This is all scripted.

- And, you're sexy.

- Really?

That's a movie line.

I've never heard a woman really say that.

This is sexual harassment.

Lucky for you, we're not

working together anymore.

- Mmhmm. You gonna invite me in?

- Unless you can f*ck me from out in the hall.

They made her say all this.

The way you made that guy come

in his pants?

I've never done that without

a lot of denim burn.

At least not since middle

school.

You're the sex b*mb.

f*ck you.

Where?

They forced her to do all of this.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

No. Not yet.

What?

Okay, that's covered.

Now let's work on how.

We can skip the why.

I want to see you naked first.

One...

Two...

Three.

Now I'm sure.

Check, please!

This was filmed on

what's called a closed set.

Thats where the doors are locked,

and they can force actresses to

do things against their will,

and no one can come in and save them.

If they would have let me into that room,

I would have put a stop to this nonsense.

But, in case you're worried,

she held on to her dignity.

She's not naked.

She's wearing flesh

colored tape right here.

And here.

Someone threw it away.

But, I saved it.

In the theatrical cut

of this movie that y'all saw,

there were lots of scenes

without Missi in 'em.

They were so boring that I'm

fast forwarding through them.

Charlie Manson reenactment. Gone!

Jeffrey Dahmer plot twist? Gone!

When you make a movie,

every single every single thing

has to move the plot ahead.

If it doesn't, cut it!

And, this next scene was not

in the corporate release,

so this is a big bonus.

This was shot on location,

and it's Missi with her FBI supervisor.

This is the scene where she's

told she needs a partner.

Listen, Chief.

You are my boss even though you're a woman.

We just haven't got the break in this case.

That's what I wanted

to talk to you about.

You're the best agent we have.

And you might have my big boss job someday

because you're so smart and pretty.

But, you have to stay

away from the local cops.

Well, I don't like them.

I just do what I have to do.

I don't like them at all;

especially not like that.

Of course; I know that.

But you're getting in too deep.

Local cops can't be trusted.

You need to find someone outside of LAPD.

Someone you can really trust.

I get it.

Someone smart, who cares about me.

And the case.

But isn't these disgusting guys at LAPD.

Blech!

Exactly.

I knew you would understand.

Now keep working on the case.

But keep your distance

from those LAPD guys, okay?

You're getting in way too deep!

And... swish pan!

There's some really important plot points

coming up in this next scene.

So, I'm going to let you

just listen and concentrate.

- Reed, we need to talk now.

- ...check back with you.

Sure, what's up?

I'll call you back.

Jeez, you look like you've seen

a ghost.

I may have just seen a bunch of

ghosts.

The blood work came in.

I have the lab results

from some of our scenes.

- Make my f*cking day.

- Get this, the DNA--

N'yep!

Listen! Listen!

--was Charles Whitman's.

- I

- get wrapped up in the editing.

I didn't realize how hungry I was.

So, is this our perp?

The body looks like the perp,

but it was arranged like that

after.

It's another victim.

- What?!

- It's Charles Whitman's DNA.

- 100% match.

- That's impossible.

It gets better. The DNA--

--at the Dahmer site

was Jeffrey Dahmer's.

Some people

can't watch stuff like this

when they're eatin', but it's just a movie.

- How can that be?

- I don't know. It just is.

Well, obviously he put it there.

But, did you find out how our

perp got a hold of the DNA?

I mean, that should be easy

to find, right?

But, the Albert Fish scene--

I wish we had popcorn,

but we only get potato chips here.

It was Albert Fish DNA.

- I get it.

- No.

Pay attention.

It's DNA.

- Whose was it?

- The report says Albert Fish.

- Yep.

- Right, like I guessed.

There is no DNA for Albert Fish!

Albert Fish was fried in 1936,

50 years before DNA profiling

was invented.

We can't know Fish's DNA

because it doesn't exist!

Albert

Fish; there was no DNA.

Couldn't be.

It was way back before there was DNA.

These lab reports are fake.

You can tell--

Whoever's doing this has

access to our DB.

She's figured it out! Watch this!

It's someone

inside the station.

Missi's gonna figure it out.

Pay attention!

What the

hell's she looking at?

Mmmm.

You know, Missi's like a

bloodhound in this scene.

She can sniff out evil.

Check her out. Yeah.

Could it be him?

Could be

anybody; couldn't it, Missi?

Could be anybody.

Is it her? Someone in--

Someone in the station. You know?

Oh, man!

She is beautiful.

Reed, we have to get this to

the lab for a saliva analysis.

No! Don't even!

It is not Godfrey.

Been my partner since I started

here.

Someone on our team is the

k*ller, Reed!

We have to check everyone.

Even if there's a personal

connection.

Quit talkin' crazy.

Serious filmmakers

sometimes forget:

you gotta just sit back and

enjoy them once in a while.

- Action!

- Uh, alright. I dunno.

Do I go, "blah, blah, blah.

The lab samples came back"?

I don't understand how Reed

would know that.

Well, it's 'cause

it's make believe.

I like Missi better like this.

She's more relaxed,

and her body looks more natural in a robe.

Your motivation is to stay

out of my light.

I had a serious question.

I don't know how Reed would know

the line about Albert

right now in the story,

and Missi said just make

believe.

Alright, well, blah blah blah.

We'll figure that out.

What is he doing?

Um... oh.

H-Hey, man. Do you mind just

taking a step back?

Just a little step back. Thanks.

- I'm sorry. Sorry.

- Appreciate it.

That stuff that you saw them

arguing about?

- If you could erase that part--

- Oh. Yeah.

- That would be great.

- Hey, maybe you could give him -

Maybe he could be your DP?

Since you won't f*cking ever

have him leave.

He--It's alright.

- Do you wanna be the f*cking DP?

Yeah, I could do that.

It's not alright!

We're f*cking fighting here!

- I want that tape erased!

- Go! I'll take care of it.

Give me the f*cking tape.

I'm taking this f*cking tape.

This is Missi...

just showing some of her emotional depth.

She's not really mad at all.

--f*cking ridiculous.

- He gave a lot of money.

I don't give a sh*t

how much money he gave.

Chicago!

Hey, thanks for meeting

me here.

What's with all the sneaking

around?

Why don't you just let

the world know?

You can't do sh*t without me.

We can.

Okay. So, what do you want?

I'm not on the case.

Exactly. I need you

to stay off the case.

One, two, three... oh.

One, two, three, four... ooh!

- Don't come back to work.

- What the f*ck?

Mabel thinks the k*ller could

be on the inside.

What, a cop?! No way.

One, two, three,

four, five, six, seven...

Just stay away.

It's your only hope.

Eight, nine, ten!!

He got 12 in one take.

A lot of these filler

shots, like this one.

And this one, were shot by

what's called a second unit.

That's a separate crew that

shoots all the boring shots.

And, they're not really driving here.

This was shot on a green screen. Look!

What crime scene are we

going to next?

If it's nurses, it's gotta be

Albert DeSalvo

or Richard Speck, right?

Movie magic!

Well, Speck is nurses.

Speck was all about nurses.

And t*rture.

I think we'll see both.

Maybe I've seen too much

already.

sh**ting on green screen

gives you maximum flexibility

in post-production later.

You can put anybody anywhere.

Quit it.

We need to stop sneaking around.

It's not sneaking.

I am a doctor, you know.

Now, let me take a look at your

labium superius oris.

I come from a cop family.

My dad and brother, of course.

Even my sister was a cop,

'til she got married.

She married a perp.

Criminal.

beep. beep. beep.

And, Godfrey comes from

a family of criminals, right?

Yeah, but cops is worse.

Criminals see the best in

people.

They have to know how to look

for the good,

so they can exploit it.

Cops see the bad,

and try to fix it.

Cops see the worst in everyone.

It's better to be raised

by criminals.

Oh no! Ahh!

Sorry I'm late ladies.

Stop, m*therf*cker! Stop!

What?

You just stabbed me

for real!

- What?!

- Somebody get over here!

- What? Cut!

- This m*therf*cker stabbed me!

Cut, cut, cut!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Scott, pull the camera

out. Did you stab her?

I included this scene in the movie

to show you just how unprofessionally

run this whole set was.

I had no choice but to take over this...

runaway production for Missi's safety.

Is it really slashed?!

- No! No! No!

- No, no, it's okay.

- He didn't break the skin.

- He just punched you.

- He didn't break the skin.

- He hit you with the handle.

- It's okay.

- Can I get a towel?

There's blood on my pants!

Nobody's taking me serious.

- Hello, Missi.

- Jesus. Can you please--?

I bought the reward

dinner with you.

We just have to s-set that up

pretty much.

Adam, I need to talk

to you now, please.

- Hey. Yeah, alright.

- Please.

I'll see you in a minute. Okay.

Alright. Great.

I got blood all over my pants.

- What's up?

- Harry f*cking Hamlin.

What did he do?

He's supposed to be a

professional f*cking actor.

He sticks his f*cking tongue

all the way down my f*cking

throat over and over again.

It's f*cking bullshit.

I'm doing this show my f*cking

bra, show my f*cking panties.

I get it; I'm an actress.

That's in the script.

But, I'm not f*cking gonna f*cking

make out with some f*cking pencil d*ck.

She's right! See how gross he is?

I need you to f*cking talk

to him!

Yes, I will talk to him.

But, I can't really afford to piss

anybody off on this budget, you know?

I'm mailing t-shirts to

crowdfunders myself.

How many f*cking times--?

Are you the f*cking director of

this movie or--

Not anymore, he's not!

She's crying out for help and all

he's worried about are t-shirts.

- This is a f*cking sh*t show.

- His manager--

If he doesn't get off set

right now,

I swear to god I will walk off!

I don't know. You shouldn't be

mailing t-shirts, okay?

Thank you. You'll..

Y-Y-You're gonna do great.

- Oh, do ya wanna get--

- Oh? Oh, gross!

- Is it bad?

- Ew! Oh my god.

- I was kidding.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Unless you want to.

- Excuse me, Miss Pyle?

- I'll see if--

- Oh god. I don't believe this.

- Ow! Dude!

- Yeah, S-Sorry.

This is the biggest,

low budget piece of sh*t--

- Dude, where are you going?

- Sorry.

Hey. Hey! You're not

supposed to be back there.

Derek! Get that guy!

You can't be back here.

Derek, can you f*cking take him

back?

Gotta go this way, sir.

I felt

at this point in the movie,

Missi should have a dream sequence.

I created the whole thing

using different parts from

the rest of the movie,

and from a computer program

called After Effects.

It enables you to do your own

movie quality special effects.

All us directors use it.

Let's go catch a bad guy.

I use symbolism to go

deep into her subconscious mind

to show you what she really

thinks of her coworkers.

I'm showing here

how much she hates Godfrey.

There's a great piece of a*s

walking right towards us.

She's sick of that

unprofessional, disgusting,

chauvinistic, booze soaked tongue r*pist.

He shoved his f*cking tongue

all the way down my

f*cking throat.

Sh-sh-sh-shoved his f*cking...

t-tongue all the way down my...

f*cking throat.

all

the way down my f*cking throat.

Don't you

f*cking call here again.

f*ck you!

And Reed?

He's just an arrogant clown.

I come from a cop family.

Is it cop family,

or family of cops?

If I had more time to do it,

I wouldn't have to f*cking keep

f*cking up the whole thing.

The police just cannot be trusted.

Local cops can't be trusted.

Do you think the police

can always solve crimes by themselves?

You

need to find someone outside of LAPD.

Do they sometimes

need help from outside sources?

You're fired!

She has nowhere to turn. She's all alone.

Are we

making you feel uncomfortable?

Or is she?

This dream shows that Missi needs a hero.

And she needs him now!

Hmm? H-Hello?

Oops.

Hello? Who's there?

Hello??

Following classic

storytelling structure,

here's the scene where

the white knight swoops in

and saves the damsel in distress.

Miss Pyle?

What do you want?

He-Hey, Missi.

I-I have some, uh, i-ideas on

the case.

You know what? I'm kinda done

with you crowdfunding people.

You're not even supposed to be

here today.

I'm not, uh, I'm not

crowdfunding.

I-I-I didn't pay to be here.

I'm-I'm paid to be here.

I-I work here.

I-I work at

the-the snacks table.

Jenny does craft services.

Alright?

Now get the f*ck out of here.

Okay?

Did he, uh...

Did he really stick his tongue

i-in your mouth?

What the f*ck are you talking

about?

Hey, Missi, I-I love

you.

Um, look. I... I got a tattoo.

What the f*ck?

Security!

Hey, Secur--

David! Can someone get

security, please?

Get this f*cking guy out of

here!

He's got a f*cking tattoo

of me on his f*cking body.

It's f*cking terrifying.

Jesus Christ!

Also true to classic storytelling,

she's making her hero prove his worthiness

before he can win the

hand of the fair maiden.

Begone, Grendel of the guard!

I slay thee!

Dumt-duh-duh-dah!

What the f*ck?! How the

f*ck did you get in here?!

- Missi. Listen.

- You can't be in here!

Listen, Missi. Listen.

Okay. Okay, listen. Listen.

I'm sorr--

I'm sorry t-that I called

security on you.

- You need to understand.

- Look, I know.

Listen. I m-I'm sorry that I

called security on you, okay?

But this is my dressing room.

You cannot be in here.

This is where I come to be

alone.

I understand.

I understand why you had me

thrown out.

Okay.

You did that because

you do not understand

what we are doing.

Okay. Why don't you make me

understand? I wanna understand.

Just tell me. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I was being such

a d*ck.

I-I just... we, you know--

We are making a movie.

Yeah, we're mak-- I know.

I understand that.

I understand that. Let's go

outside. Let's get Adam and--

No, no. No.

I wanna do--

- I wanna do it here!

- I'll put you in a scene.

- I wanna do it here.

- Okay.

Now, here's where you

come with me. You get to have--

- Okay, whatever you want to do.

- Some of your alone time.

- Now, you need to be quiet, you-

- No, no, no!

You need to be very quiet!

c*ck-doodle-do!

This is one of my

favorite shots in the movie.

It shows it's the next morning.

That totally f*ck me.

I'm totally f*cked.

I'm standing out here with my

f*cking pants

around my f*cking ankles right

now.

Well, have you tried her agent?

Well, try her agent again.

Well, I don't know what I'm

gonna do because it's--

I guess I'm just gonna have to

rewrite the scene

to write her out of it.

No,

you're the one who's out of it.

From now on,

I'm the only one directing this.

Anyway, this is the day

the most complicated shot

in the movie was achieved.

It's called a one-er.

That means the whole scene

was done in just one shot.

This scene is of the James

Huberty sh**ting m*ssacre.

Boom. Boom.

Stop. Dude,

come on. Get out of the way.

It was a very

difficult shot to achieve,

and everybody spent all

day preparing for it.

What can we not get blood on?

Anything that you can't clean up

and make sure that I don't have

Department of Health issues.

We will not-- There will be no

Health Department issues.

I promise you.

- Are you willing to do a stunt?

- I am indeed, yes.

I'm not doin' stunts.

I'm doin' a line.

So could--I need a

microphone?

No. No, just--

You just try to focus on--

- Could you go to craft services?

- Okay.

I was very upset

when I saw the finished film

because they cut this

scene out of the movie.

I paid for a line,

was supposed to be in this scene,

and they just cut it out!

So, I spliced it right back in,

along with all the other crowdfunders

who also bought lines for this scene.

Watch!

Who all bought a line in the

movie?

Ohh! Me! Me! I bought a line!

We're gonna pass these lines

out to everybody right now.

Okay? First line,

"Oh no, oh no, someone is

sh**ting at us for no reason".

Who wants that one?

Okay, let's rehearse it.

Ready, action!

Oh no, someone's sh**ting at us.

For no reason!

A little more horrified, right?

Just... and faster. Right? Right.

No dramatic pauses.

Action!

That's not hamburger meat.

Not bad. A little more

horrified. Ready, action!

The cost of this tragedy

is... astronomical.

In human life!

Run! Run! Run!

Where's my brother?

I can't find my brother!

I'd like a fish sandwich

and... fries, please.

If I don't make it out of this,

I love you, sis.

We're gonna make it out.

I promise.

Everybody get down on the

ground.

I got this son of a b*tch.

Scream bloody m*rder. Action!

Jeez! Alright.

That's gonna work. Alright.

That's gonna be great.

"It's like he's hunting

humans". Who--

I like that!

I-I'll-I'll have that one.

- Okay. Alright. Here--

- That's the one.

- That's the one everybody--

- Alright, here. Let me--

I'll film y-you saying it.

Action!

It's like they're--

- Action!

- It's li--

- David, be quiet.

- It's like--

David, be quiet.

- Action!

- It's like--

It's like they're hunting

humans!

Now that Missi was on

board with my vision of the movie,

I needed access to all the footage,

so I could have total flexibility

and restore the film to

its fullest potential.

Because movies are shot

digitally these days,

and all the raw footage is

uploaded to a production website,

anybody can have access

to all the footage shot.

You load the film into

the, uh, into the computers?

It's all shot, you know,

digital. Of course, so.

I back everything up, and then

I use an FTP site.

Like you'd use for...

for stealing movies,

or... file sharing, you know?

But, I do it with the producers

back at the production office.

All the stuff from the movie?

And all the mistakes?

And everything?

Yeah, it all--

Everything shot comes to me.

And anybody can then have access

to all this footage from any

computer?

Yep.

All you need is the password.

And off it goes to the bosses.

beep... beep.

And then it's just

right there? Great!

Everybody, we've rehearsed this

five, six, seven times.

Just remember, we have one shot

at this. That's it.

The sun's going down.

We have enough budget for 40

hits.

Thats all we got.

One shot at it.

Don't screw it up.

Okay, here's the one-er.

When you're running

late and you need a bite

Or you want a place where

you can feel alright

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner too

Burger and fries, just to name a few

'Cause nobody likes salad

Blump's Burgers, Blump's Burgers

Blump's Burgers.

Proudly serving customers since 1937.

This music was originally written

for another movie.

Ahhahahahaha!

It's like they're hunting

humans!

Cut!

What the f*ck?!

Get that f*cking as*h*le outta

there!

With all this

great production value,

why would they ever cut this shot out?

g*dd*mn motherfu--

Watch this.

These two clowns clearly can't figure

out what to do without Missi around.

Alright, I just need something

that's gonna cover our a*s

for why Mabel's not here.

And, it's gonna cut probably

directly into what we shot last week.

- Hold on. What the--

- This is crazy.

I mean, where is she anyway?

Why can't we find her?

Harry, I wish I knew.

You want me to be using this

thing?

Yes, please.

Yo, Mabel. Where you at?

Reed. Hey.

I'm sorry I couldn't make it to

the crime scene.

I had to do some thinking alone.

No problem, Mabel;

God and I are on it.

We'll meet you at the

Blump's Burger ASAP.

You guys hold

down the fort at Blump's Burgers

because I have an important

lunch meeting

to go to at the police station.

Hey, don't waste any time.

That was Godfrey.

Okay. Bye.

And... turn.

Well,

here we all are in the police breakroom

having some police lunch.

- Hello.

- Hi. How you doing?

- Hello.

- Greetings!

Hey there fellow police!

We sure aren't having any luck

cracking this Knocked Off case.

Just read it right

off the paper.

Well, the problem is we can't

trust ourselves.

And, action!

You can't trust cops.

We need someone outside the

force.

- Go!

- Who watches the watchers?

We need somebody really smart,

and really cool.

What we really need... is a hero.

Even though Missi is the

star, and a detective,

she's humble enough to have

lunch with the uniformed police.

She knows there's a

problem we have to solve.

Just read the lines

right off the cue cards, okay?

Action!

I read about this guy

on my internet dating site.

Which I don't need, because

I'm so... attractive.

But, I was looking because my

sister, who isn't attractive.

I read about

this... perfect guy.

He's taller than me, and might

be able to solve this crime.

Because he's not a cop.

He's a movie maker, so--

He

understands complicated stuff.

I'm going to meet him for

coffee.

And see if he can solve

this case.

I saw...

his picture. He's--

He's cute too.

- Yeah!

- Great idea!

- Yeah, yeah.

- Definitely on board with that.

- Yup.

- Good plan! I like it!

Ooh, watch this part.

This is my favorite scene.

A lotta people don't know this,

but the first half of Back to the Future

was shot with Eric Stoltz.

Then they fired him,

and reshot it with Michael J. Fox,

and now it's much better.

Just like this movie!

It's better without Harry Hamlin.

Thanks for meeting me here.

I have to talk to you about a

police work case I am on.

I can't trust police.

I-I'm happy to help you any way

I can.

I work in movies, so I have a

good idea how evil works.

You're smart, and nice.

And very attractive.

This

is seexual harassment.

Lucky for you we're not working

together anymore.

Are you gonna invite me in?

Unless you can f*ck me from out

in the hall.

You're taller than me by a lot,

aren't you?

Yes, I am!

But, I'm not really scared

of you, and I need--

Help solving this case.

The last guy I was working with

was a cop and I didn't like him.

He tried to stick his tongue...

in my mouth,

but I blocked it with my teeth

and told him to stop.

I would never... do that.

And I can help you with

your case.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

No, not yet.

I wanna see you naked first.

One.

Two.

Three.

Now I'm sure.

I don't want to talk about it

in public...

where there might be

police listening.

Let's go to my... apartment.

Good. And I won't try to stick

my tongue in your mouth.

On-screen chemistry is

something you just can't fake.

The actors have to have a deeply

rooted connection in real life.

Like, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

Or, Bruce and Demi.

But, it's not just carnal passion.

We're following in the

grand cinematic tradition

of artist and muse.

Alfred Hitchcock had Grace Kelly.

Ingmar Bergman had Liv Ullmann.

And now, Herbert Blount has Missi Pyle.

This movie's

finally comin' together.

What's with all the

sneakin' around?

I have to break up with you.

What the f*ck?

You are a cop, and I can't

trust you on this case.

A cop?

And you stuck your tongue

in my mouth.

There's a new man in my life

now.

He's really handsome,

and he's a movie maker.

I have to break up with you.

Missi really dug deep

in this next scene. Watch!

You know Herbert,

my new boyfriend--

who isn't a cop, is right.

It's someone on the police

force.

It's someone on the police

force.

I have to figure out who it is.

If I do, he'll be so proud of me

because he'll know I helped him.

I do my best thinking

in the shower.

I'm going to take a shower.

On your own cue.

Here's an example of some

nudity that's important to the plot.

It's motivated.

Okay, first--

First I'll turn on the water.

And then I'll start to think.

f*ck!

That's f*cking cold!

Okay. I wish Herbert was here

right now to help me...

solve the murders,

and put some soap on my back.

Oh, f*ck you. f*ck you!

Get me the f*ck out--

Great performances

are born of collaboration.

Actress and director.

I need to relax

here in the shower,

just think about what...

Herbert said.

I think he might be... able to...

figure out who the

m*rder*r... really is.

Missi's been missing

from the case for five days.

Everybody from the movie was

called into the police station

for an important meeting.

We shot this scene at a

real police station in LA.

We need to come up

with some information,

so anything you guys can

provide us will be helpful.

What do you know?

The police don't

know that Missi and I

are working on the case together from home,

so they're needlessly worried.

You mentioned something

earlier. Something about--

Uh, that was nothing.

I just kissed her a little too

enthusiastically.

A little? This

guy only lies when he speaks.

What does that mean; that you

kissed her enthusiastically?

Well, sometimes when you're

in the moment,

- you get a little, you know--

- I know.

- But how in the moment were you?

- Just... caught up.

Excuse me, are these cameras

with the film?

- No, they're with her.

- They're with me.

- What does that mean?

- I have a show.

I do this show called

The Housewives of Beverly Hills.

And they follow me.

Harry has been called

into the police station

to be questioned about an

actress that he's working with

named Missi Pyle who has

gone missing.

I, by god, am gonna go with him

because I'd like to know

what's going on here.

I even canceled my Pilates

class!

I never cancel my

Pilates class!

Let's bring it back.

Could she have taken another job?

Could she have left this film

for a big movie?

I was in Haunted House 2

with Missi.

If she was gonna walk off any

set, it would've been that one.

Is there anybody on set...

that comes to mind as being

...suspicious?

That really ugly guy.

The one with the long hair,

you know?

He was, um, kinda looked like

a Neanderthal?

And he was always kinda all

dressed like a clown?

Dressed like a clown?!

That guy was a misfit for sure.

Misfit?!

Well, at least I'm not a tongue r*pist!

He was one of our biggest

crowdfunders.

He gave us a lot of money!

Is that camera behind the

screen, is that with you?

- With the Housewives?

- No. That is not with us.

I do not understand cold,

calculating K*llers.

This is a montage.

Although it's a device that's been around

since the beginning of film making,

most of us know it from

when Rocky is training.

Or, when Pretty Woman

tries on all those dresses.

Those lab reports are fake.

--lab reports are fake.

Hey, brother! Come on in.

Boy am I glad to see you.

Come on over here. I wanna show

you something. Come here.

Check this out.

I need your brain.

What if all the samples

are DNA clones?

Sit down. Shut up, and listen.

- No, I'm serious.

- Sit down!

There's a lot of

product placement in this scene.

The killings have to stop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know that.

Why the f*ck do you think I've

lost a whole f*cking month's sleep?

I-Is there a problem?

Yeah. Your f*cking girlfriend

is the problem.

That b*tch is gettin' real

close to figuring out

who the Knocked Off k*ller

really is.

She thinks it's one of us.

Oh come on, man. Why would she

think it's one of us?

It is one of us.

So, for the purposes of

argument

It's you.

And your DNA matches the DNA

on the Albert Fish crime report.

I saw to that when I fabricated

the report.

This is

an Albert Fish crime scene.

How the f*ck do you know that?

Probably

'cause Reed is our perp.

Probably

'cause Reed is our perp.

I know!

We all saw other guys doing the crimes.

But, now we see those same crimes again,

and Reed is doing them.

This is a film technique called cheating.

That's when you set something up

then pull a fast one on the audience.

It's a way to get surprise

at the end of the movie,

without having to come

up with something clever.

Ahhhhh!!

Here's about $50,000 I stole

from evidence.

Pack up your sh*t, man.

You've got an hour before this

place is swarming with police.

I'm gonna leave this at your

girlfriend's m*rder scene.

You see, she was your last

victim before you fled.

You knew she was onto you,

so you decided to copy one more

m*rder*r.

The BTK k*ller.

You remember good old

Dennis Rader, don't you?

As you'll recall, BTK stands for

Bind.

t*rture.

And, k*ll.

You m*therf*cker!

You should've k*lled me when

you had the chance!

That's always true in movies.

Aw f*ck. Goddammit.

If you think you might

possibly ever, even slightly,

want to k*ll someone, just k*ll them.

Well, the k*ller must be one of

those two partners

you were working with.

I... think it must be Reed.

You are so smart!

It wasn't me who figured it out.

It was you.

Well, let's just say...

we're a great team.

Welcome to Blount

International Movies Headquarters.

This is my studio.

I like to live right where I work.

I work from home.

Just like my fellow rogue

filmmaker, Robert Rodriguez.

When I inherited this

house from my dear mother,

it enabled me to focus full-time

on my film making career.

I've rigged Go-Pro cameras everywhere,

because you never know

when magic will strike.

ding-dong

Case in point, today!

- Help! I'm down here!

- Shh, shh.

- Help! Help me!

- Quiet. Quiet on set.

- You'll spoil the movie. Shh!

- Help! Help! Help me!

Actors like to do all kinds

of interesting voice

exercises between takes.

They're funny like that.

Someone help me!

Help! Help!

This is the perfect

scene to build second act tension.

I learned all about how to create

suspense from my mentor, Alfred Hitchcock.

Help! Help! Help!

Soundproofing your

studio is really important.

And so is presentation.

The way you present yourself to the public.

It's all about image.

Perception is everything in Hollywood.

Who is it?

Metro Police.

We have a few questions for you.

Um, okay. I'm comin'.

When you're making a movie,

you have to be open to

rolling with all the punches.

If you don't, you miss out

on all the happy accidents.

Here's an opportunity that came

up that I just couldn't resist.

Hello.

- Herbert Blunt?

- It's Blount.

- Blount. O-U. Blount.

- Blount? Mr. Blount.

- I am Detective Whiteside.

- Hello.

Detective Jones.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Well, um, could we come in

for a minute?

Sure. Oh, sure. Yeah.

The cops don't

know that Missi and I

are working secretly together

on cracking the case.

We have to keep it that way

because cops can't be trusted.

Would you, uh,

would you like some coffee?

- Uh, no thanks, no.

- None for me, thanks.

They don't know

that Missi is hiding out

right beneath their feet!

Watch how I milk the tension

with some creative cutting.

So, have you ever heard of

an actress named Missi Pyle?

Yes! She's a famous actress.

Everybody's heard of Missi Pyle.

We know you were on the set

of her movie.

I do a lotta... crowdfunding.

Mostly buying kidneys for

people.

Charity stuff. Children.

But I wanted to help these guys

make their little movie.

It's good for Hollywood.

It's-It's, it's good for

America.

Would it be okay if we took

a little look around?

I watch a lotta movies.

A lotta movies.

I'm always the guy

who's screaming,

"Make 'em get a warrant".

That's me.

So, um...

I'm gonna have to do that.

I, uh,

I've always wanted to say that.

You're gonna have to get

a warrant.

Well, that is your right.

Alright.

Okay then, Mr. Blount.

Speak soon.

I usually would never

let police into my house at all.

But, look how great this scene turned out.

Missi! Missi!

The cops are onto us.

We gotta go get Reed, Missi!

We can't let the cops have this

collar!

We deserve the credit.

Get the car going!

Drive! Drive! Drive!

Drive faster.

He's getting away.

Faster.

bang! bang!

See if you can sh**t

out the tires.

You're an excellent marksman.

Okay. I'll try it while driving.

bang!

Take that, Vin Diesel!

Freeze, m*therf*cker!

Freeze, you f*ck!

Woah! You got him in the hand!

Go! Go! Go!

So, you're even knocking off

your capture.

The same way Charlie Manson was

found.

In a cabinet at Spahn ranch.

This was my greatest

re-creation.

Well, I guess I'll just live

my life like Charlie Manson.

as a folk hero in prison.

I'll sell my art,

and put out some music.

You got your guy.

Hit 'em with the catchphrase,

Missi!

Now, it's time for you

to get knocked off, Reed.

Every movie needs

to have a catchphrase.

You know...

I never told you this Herbert,

but my family is rich.

I just do police work for fun.

Let's go to Hawaii and

celebrate.

Yeah!

This isn't really Hawaii.

We're back in my Hollywood studio.

This is what's called the martini shot.

It's what filmmakers call

the last shot in a movie.

In old Hollywood,

the director would be so

anxious to be done with a sh**t,

he would already have a martini

in his hand when he said "Action".

And, as soon as he said

cut, he'd drink the martini.

Now, the last shot is

called the martini shot,

even by people who don't drink martinis.

I'm gonna give Missi a 7Up.

Put a little on your feet. Good.

ding-dong!

ding-dong!

ding-dong!

Whenever you make a movie

there are always so many distractions

that you have to deal with.

Planes flying overhead.

Lawn mowers in the distance.

More cops showing up at your door.

I could've cut all this

out, but you wouldn't learn.

Hello?

Oh! Mr. Blount?

Mr. Herbert Blount?

Are you back with a warrant?

We're not the police,

Mr. Blount.

We're with the Church of Jesus

Christ of Latter Day Saints,

and we have a message for you

of God's good news!

Jesus Christ! Go away!

Missi? Missi?

The martini shot is up.

Missi?

Okay. This is it.

This is the scene where

the two unlikely lovers

realize what we knew all along

that in the movies,

two people are connected by destiny,

and no force can tear them apart.

We call it a Hollywood Ending,

and it's one of the big

reasons we love movies.

Because for a couple of hours,

we can sit in the dark alone

and watch love work its magic.

When it comes down to it,

it really is all about love, isn't it?

Every movie is just a love

story, dressed in funny clothes.

Whether it's on the Titanic.

Or in the Black Lagoon.

Or even on a beach in Hawaii.

It's all about love.

But once in a blue moon,

a special love story comes along

where the misunderstood

hero has the strength

to let the love of his live go

because he knows it's

the right thing to do.

It kills him, but he does it anyway.

Like when Rick puts Ilsa

on that plane in Casablanca.

Or when King Kong dies

when protecting Fay Wray.

Kong. Now there was a misunderstood hero.

His love story makes me cry every time.

There's no love

quite like the love in movies.

That kind of love doesn't

exist in the real world.

At least, I've never seen it.

Missi! Missi! Waaagh!!

Missi! Missi! Waaagh!!

Missi! Missi! Waaagh!!

Missi! Waaagh!

God bless the movies.

Well, that's my director's cut.

It's a great movie because of a great star:

Missi Pyle.

Missi and I had a certain

kind of chemistry--

from the first day we met.

If you don't have that

with an actress,

don't even bother doing the

movie.

You have to have that kind of

chemistry with the actor,

you have to make sure you--

- Blount, time's up! Let's go!

I just have to do

a little more VO.

If I could just have a minute

or two here, I ll be all done.

Computer time for inmates

is a privilege.

It can be given;

it can be taken away.

This is the version that will

be of the best.

Can I come back in like

the next session?

- We will schedule another time.

- Come on.

I'll give you a line.

You know that line you did

about privilege?

There was a real naturalness

in the way you presented it.

I could cut it right in like

toward the end.

You already gave me a line.

We already shot it.

I'll use the security cameras.

Did I give you Executive

Producer credit yet?

Do you want to be Sam Parks or

Samuel Parks?

Which do you want to be?

It'll be permanent, you know.

It'll be on IMDB.

Hello. Hello, everybody.

- You know the drill.

- I do. I do.

I'll go in here like

I'm supposed to. Sorry.

- You were great, Sam.

- Thanks.

- You did a good performance.

- Thanks so much.

I smell Academy Award!

The only thing that makes me smile

Is my love for Missi Pyle

And to earn it

I just did what I had to do

I finally got all her attention

but it did cause some contention

With those who cannot

feel a thing that's true

They can never understand

a love that's true

Little man said I was wrong

As I towered like King Kong

The misunderstood

Misunderstood to say the least

But Missi finally knew

That my heart was always true

And in the end it was

Her beauty k*lled my beast

And in the end it's simply

Beauty kills my beast

So here is where I dwell

I'm happy in my cell

This prison locks them out

It'll never lock me in, no!

My movies set you free

And I'll try to make you see

That a beast is just

A better kind of man

Ooh, the beast is just

The better kind of man

My beast is just

A better kind of man

I love you, Missi.

Playthemutherfucker!

What do you

tremble, are you all afraid?

Alas I blame you not for you are mortal.

The police gave

Dahmer back his abuductee

Dahmer wasn't hungry, he was

just lonely

Couldn't stand to see anyone

walk out his door

He should have stayed just a

masturbator

But he got great head in his

refrigerator

Spent too much time kneeling

on the k*lling floor

Well I feel your terror

and I feel all your pain

It might not be your fault,

just your f*cked up brain

But, the charges came in and

the payment has come due

I quit my job!

My job becomes hunting you.

I quit my job!

My job becomes hunting you.

Well, maybe it's genetics

like your parents say

Maybe "Call of Duty" made you

this way

Maybe it's just our

g*n-lovin' society

You're taking Ambien instead

of counting sheep

Got you walking and eating

and f*cking in your sleep

Ridlin gives you focus but

brings anxiety

Somehow you've forgotten how

to have fun

You're looking at the playground

through the sites of a g*n

I think you're going to do

what I think you're going to do

I quit my job!

My job becomes hunting you.

I quit my job!

My job becomes hunting you.

On my TV and my movie screen

Underaged in my state - only 17

You made love to the camera

but you spoke to only me

Your dirty boyfriend was

skinny and bored

Wouldn't wear a tuxedo when

you won that award

He never really loved you,

couldn't ever let you really be

TMZ everywhere you go

You're a perfect lady

but they called you a h*

Nobody could ever understand

you like I do

I quit my job!

My job becomes saving you

I quit my job!

My job becomes saving you

You sit right there make

yourself to home

My casa is your casa cause

we're all alone

I've got nothing else to do,

and you are welcome to

stay

You can act happy and you can act sad

You can be the good guy,

I'll always be the bad

We'll improvise our original

screenplay

You're Lady Macbeth with a

bloody silver cup

You could play Hamlet if

things loosen up!

You're so much more than just an ingenue

I quit my job!

My job is now loving you

I quit my job!

My job is now loving you

And on my arm, I've got this

new tattoo

It says "I quit my job!"

I quit my job!

I quit my job!

I quit my job!

I quit my job!