01x03 - Mr. Popular

[bunniefuu]

[Henry] Whoever did this
wanted us to find the body.

Most likely moved from another
location and dumped here.

- Who would do this?
- Someone from Birch Creek.

How do you figure?

Call it a hunch.

Not exactly 'The Case
of the Speckled Band'.

Uh?

The notoriously difficult
Sherlock Holmes mystery.

Not a reading crowd, I guess.

So you going to
the big game, Glen?

You bet. Go, Eagles!

- Go, Eagles!
- Ah, yeah!

Go, the Eagles.

- Well, see ya.
- Yeah, sure.

I forgot how football
crazy this town is.

Yeah, well, the Eagles do
look damn good this season.

Brand-new QB transferred in
from a high school in Texas.

Cannon for an arm. Birch
Creek is going down!

They think they're
so great over there

'cause they have a
Sam's Club and a Costco.

Come on. Where's
your school spirit?

It's rivalry week.

I'm supposed to get excited
about gerrymandered city lines

that determine what colour
sweatshirt we should like

and cheer for another town's
kids to get concussed?

Painfully clear why

you sat by yourself at
lunch in high school.

Speaking of the old days,

the short cut to
the police station

doesn't happen to still
be there, does it?

The hole in the
fence in the alley?

No, they fixed that,
like, five years ago.

Last one to the
station buys lunch!

I didn't agree to this wager!

[theme music]

Neat place. You come here a lot?

No. That's kind of the
point, on account of the...

Sensitive nature of
this transaction. Right!

[sighs, sniffs]

Have you tried a Neti
pot? Changed my life.

- What?
- For your sinuses.

You know, it's ragweed season?

I noticed you wiping
your nose a lot.

- Don't notice things about me.
- Right.

- Bring the photo?
- Yep.

Here's the guy.

- That's Jake Wilson.
- You know him?

Eagles, star quarterback.

This kid is the real deal.

Yeah, well, I want him gone.

I mean, not dead.
Okay? Just... gone.

Yeah, well. It's your money.

- Did you get the burners?
- Yeah.

- They're pink.
- Yes, sorry.

That's all they had.
That and... Sponge Bob.

Come to think of it, Sponge Bob
was more of a walkie-talkie...

You talk too much.

Yeah, sorry. Happens
when I get nervous.

I also get hungry. I'm thinking
about ordering something.

Do you want to
split a Cobb salad?

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven and eight.

[boys grunt, whistle blows]

Dude, found this
taped to your locker.

Oh, that's nothing.
That's... just a bad joke.

Oh.

[speaks Russian]

The words of my great teacher,
prima ballerina Anna Morazova.

You can Google translate.

Tonight, on her birthday,

we will honour her with best
recital this town has ever seen.

Why the sad clown face, Paige?

Nobody's gonna come. It's
the Birch Creek game tonight.

That's why none of the other
girls are at rehearsal.

We will still do show.

- You are number-one dancer now.
- Cool!

Does not mean you are good.

Okay, everybody listen
up. Two big announcements.

First off - Henry's
buying lunch.

Lily, find the most expensive
place to order from.

That would be the new
Italian place on Douglas.

I'm not gonna use a coupon,
even though I have one.

Is today the day I try calamari?

No.

You cheated and you
had a head start.

You still woulda lost.

You're tall but you
run like Frankenstein.

Frankenstein was the doctor.
And his footspeed was unknown.

Yeah. I was just
about to say that.

Brother from another
mother. [clicks teeth]

You're a grown man in
a letterman jacket.

[laughs] It's Rivalry
Week, baby! Yo!

Bradley's the only player
in Eden Vale history

to score against Birch Creek.

- Two lousy points.
- The Immaculate Safety.

Quarterback's in my sight,
time's expiring on the clock.

Their O line didn't
even touch me, man.

I was like a ghost!
I just ran in and...

Yeah. I was kinda hoping
you'd all... join in.

Sorry, Bradley.

Second big announcement -

Officer Szczepkowski has been
on the job for three months

so it's time he takes
his first solo call.

Ay! Szczepkowski!

Wow. Really?

Oh, no.

I don't think this pie is ready
to come out of the oven yet.

This is a good first solo call.

The annoying San Francisco
couple on Ridgemont

wants a patrol car to stop by.

They found something
"concerning" in their yard.

Yeah, last week they
had me come over

'cause there was a goat and
it was lookin' at 'em funny.

The week before that a balloon
was stuck in their tree.

You got this.

Yeah.

Yeah. I got this.

Thanks for coming with
me on my first solo call.

My presence negates the solo
part, but you're welcome.

Now, pretend I'm not here.

Establish control,
assert your authority.

- Be firm.
- Okay.

Here I go.

[laughs]

[loud knock]

Red leather, yellow leather.
Red leather, yellow leather.

Hi. I'm Officer Szczepkowski,
this is Officer Ray.

- She's not here.
- Oh.

I'm Eben. This is my wife, Andi.

Wow. That sounded very
antiquated and aggro.

"My wife"? Like
you're a possession?

I forgive you.

[sighs]

We moved here to spend more
meaningful time with the kids.

Where are they?

- What day is it?
- Friday. Why did you call...

Finn is at soccer,
Levi is at filmmaking

and Luci's firing pots.

- No, no, no. That's...
- No, sorry, that's Thursday.

Sir, why did you call
us to your domicile?

Did not have "human
remains" on my Bingo card.

Do you think this will delay the
completion of our swimming pool?

Of course, that's not
what's important here.

Of course, that's
not what I said.

Okay, please don't fight.

Louise, Henry?

Thanks for coming to see me.

You did the right thing, son.

- [sneezes]
- Bless you.

Get the door, bud.

Notice he calls a
total stranger 'son'

and his own son 'bud'?

It's a figure of speech.
And he was talking to me.

That young man is a team
mate of Jake Wilson's.

Mark's a running back

that Coach Grady converted
to wide receiver.

Oh. I don't hate that.

Kid's got wheels
for a guy his size.

-He runs a 4.6 40 -Damn.

- What's his yards per catch?
- I can leave and come back.

Oh. Sorry.

You know how Lou and
I get about football.

Kinda like you and Star Trek.

Remember when you were little

you had all the toys
and the bed spread.

It was Star Blazers,
the American adaptation

of the pioneering Japanese
anime Space Battleship Yamato.

- Star Trek is for children.
- Yeah, of course.

Right, sorry.

Anyway, I've got a
new case for you guys.

Oh! The partial human remains.

Well, no. We're gonna
stick a pin in that.

I got something better.

Now, apparently, somebody broke
into Jake's host family's home,

took a photo of him
while he was sleeping

and then taped it to his locker
along with a threatening note.

How is that better?

Probably just a couple
Birch Creek knuckleheads.

You know the drill. They
prank us, we prank them.

Yeah, but I mean, all the same,

this game is
important to the town

and Coach Grady is a
close personal friend.

So I'm gonna throw everything
we have at this thing.

[chuckles] Of course you are.

- Is something wrong?
- No, no.

Re-allocating police resources
from investigating human remains

because somebody played a joke
on your buddy's football player,

that feels just right.

Okay, look, we're
all on the same team.

It's called prioritising.

The coroner's best first guess

is those bones are
over 100 years old.

So I am asking you to prioritise

an actual death threat against
a currently living person.

With this leadership

the Argo would've been destroyed
by Desslok and Prince Zordar.

If you'd watched Star Blazers

you'd know that
was a perfect burn.

[Henry] I can't believe he has
us doing this B.S. assignment

for his good ol' boys.

We are detectives, not
school crossing guards.

That's not fair. We're
here to be detectives.

Oh. It's okay. You can cross.

Glass half full,

we get to revisit our
old stomping grounds.

Of course you're
happy to be here.

- You loved high school.
- And high school loved me.

Class president,
editor of the yearbook.

Varsity point guard.

Occasional girlfriend of
Bobby "The Doogs" Dougan.

What did you ever see in him?

The Doogs had an admirable
quality of thinking I'm awesome

and I just couldn't resist
his teenage dirtbag vibe.

Mechanic coveralls,
work boots...

Exactly. Why'd you
even mention him?

'Cause he's right there.

Gah! The Doogs!

Duck down!

Sorry. Frankenstein. Tall.

I knew I'd regret that.

- Hey, Henry!
- The Doogs. Sweet ride!

Thanks, man. Made some mods.

Hey, sexy.

Ew! No.

You guys want to get high
in the groundskeeper's shed?

- You know we're cops, right?
- You don't kiss like a cop.

Okay, we're done.

[grunts]

Mmm.

Would you stop?

He's quite the
feather in your cap.

Okay, it was high school.

He said you don't
kiss like a cop.

That's present
tense. Which means...

- Louise Hickman!
- Mrs. Branch?!

Oh, my best student.

It is so great to see you.

Did you know I still use
your essay on Thoreau

in my AP English class?

[Lou laughs]

Henry.

Mrs. Branch.

It's so great to see
that you're still at EVHS

shaping young minds.

Yes, into unquestioning blobs

incapable of dissent
or original thought.

I see you're still upset
about getting a C-in my class.

You wrote rules on an essay
on civil disobedience.

That makes literally no sense!

Okay, well. [chuckles]

- It is great to see you.
- You too.

There is something fundamentally
wrong with that woman.

You're such an absolutist.

Just because you didn't like her
doesn't make her a bad person.

Did I ever tell you that in
high school I spread a rumour

that Becky Simpson hooked
up with her cousin?

Does that make me a bad person?

- Yes.
- [scoffs]

She used to t*rture me!

In seventh grade

she made everyone on the
bus call me 'Poo' Hickman.

In her defence
that's pretty funny.

Don't judge me.

It's not like you
got a perfect record

with people from your past.

[bell rings]

So, were there any signs of
forced entry into your home?

We're trying to figure out how

someone took a photo of you
while you were sleeping.

My host family are the Mintons.

They're real sweet people

but they don't lock
their doors at night.

Probably just some
kids fooling around.

Can you think of anyone
that would want to hurt you?

Besides every
D-line in the state?

[laughs]

[laughs] Caught your
game against Millbrook.

Saw you toss that
linebacker like a rag doll.

- Broke that guy's collarbone.
- [sneezes]

Bless you.

Honestly, the only thing I'm
worried about are my allergies.

Y'all got different trees
than I got in Texas.

We appreciate you coming out.

And I'm sure the note
is nothing more than

the handy work of some
overzealous Birch Creek fans.

Yeah, because they know we're
gonna kick their a*s tonight!

[crowd] Yeah!

Well, still, out of an
abundance of caution,

Big Hank is increasing police
presence at tonight's game.

Appreciate it.

And thank your dad
for his concern.

It's good to have
friends in high places.

That's our motto - to
protect and serve...

Big Hank's friends.

How the hell the
police get involved?

I didn't call them, Coach.

You need to keep a
low profile in town.

No drinking, no partying,
not even a parking ticket.

We don't need any
more police attention.

- Hey, Coach Grady!
- Bradley!

- Sorry to interrupt.
- Get in here!

Ahhhh! [laugh]

Jake, you need to
meet Joe Bradley.

The Immaculate Safety.
I've heard of you.

Hey, a former Eagles legend

protecting a current
Eagles legend.

What's that, Bradley?

Big Hank assigned me to
be Jake's security detail.

Promise not to let
him out of my sight.

I'm gonna be, like,
your bodyguard from...

...from The Bodyguard.

[both chuckle]

Ahhh! [laughs]

Okay. These are all of the
bones I recovered from the site.

Sheriff's department is
checking the rest of the yard

with their ground-penetrating
radar machine.

They have the best stuff.

We don't even have a
functioning microwave.

The only button that
works is 'potato'.

Yeah, the trick is to heat stuff
up in increments of 'potato'.

Like, popcorn is two
and a half potatoes.

Ooh, I'm gonna try that.

Also, there are
some clothing fibres

and a plastic packet of
Valentine's Day hearts

at the same depth.

Could be a clue to
when the victim died.

Pretty eventful first solo call.

Mm-hm.

Um, I didn't go by myself
today. I asked Ray to come.

- I know.
- She told you?

No, you accidentally
turned your walkie on

when you fell in the pit
and started screaming.

[stammers] Just a lot of
earthworms down there.

Just caught me by
surprise, is all.

You sure it didn't have
anything to do with you

second guessing your
decision to become a cop?

Walkie picked that up, too, huh?

Uh... I just don't know
if I have what it takes.

I kinda feel like a fraud.

Yeah. I get it.
Being a cop is tough.

When I'd been on the
job for three months

I felt like I was wearing

a Halloween costume
to work every day.

Totally.

But I hand-picked you
because I know you can do it.

- Thanks, Lou.
- You're welcome.

And next time I send you on
a solo assignment, go solo.

Nadi! Hi.

Oh, do we have
lunch plans today?

I made piroshki.

Ooh! Those are like
gold around here.

I caught Lily trying
to steal these

out of my lunch in
the office fridge.

You are coming to my recital
to honour my hero, yes?

- Wouldn't miss it.
- Is tonight.

- Gotta miss it.
- Hank. You made promise.

I know and I meant it.
But any other night.

Tonight is Birch Creek.

I know you want those
kids to have their moment.

Just move the recital
to a different day.

I cannot move Anna
Morazova's birthday.

Maybe they move game.

This is the big game.

Oh! Oh.

Is Championship?

Well, no, but it is a big game.

If they win, they will get
to play in Championship?

Well, they're... I mean,
it's early in the season.

There's lots of factors,
like strength of schedule

and it gets kinda
political sometimes...

Does not sound like big game.

Nadi, Eden Vale is
a football town.

I will make it a dance town.

[dials number, phone rings]

I left him another note.

And just to make sure he
really gets the message,

I'm gonna go buzz the tower.

"Leave town. This is
your last warning."

- No!
- [crash!]

You saved me.

That's no big deal, Jake.

Safety is kind of what I'm
known for around this place.

You know, because of the...

- No, yeah, I got it.
- You got it.

[police chatter]

Well, well, well.

Still think it's a bunch of
high-school kids playing games?

What do we got?

Jake was unhurt, thanks to
Bradley's quick thinking.

That's a sentence I
didn't think I'd say

when I woke up this morning.

Uh huh. What'd we find
out about the driver?

- Deceased. White male. 30s.
- [man] Lou!

I'll be right back.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What are you doing here?

We don't really need County
Sheriff's support on this one.

Oh, no, yeah.

I just, uh... heard
it on the radio

and thought I'd make
sure you were good.

Oh. Well, that's nice.

Uh... Um... [clears throat]

You went to Birch Creek, right?
You going to the game tonight?

Nah, my... ex-wife's
gonna be there.

So there's gonna be enough
tackling on the field.

Arggh. [laughs]

Yeah. Um...

The deceased is Dustin Crovetti.

Did a stint in the state pen.

Last known residence
was Birch Creek.

Guess he wanted Eden
Vale to lose tonight.

Running over your
star quarterback

is one way to do it.

- Did you guys go in?
- No. Uh...

It's your crime scene.

Well, damn right.

County's just here to direct
traffic and look pretty.

Not that you look pretty.
And not that you don't.

- Hmm?
- I'm neutral to your appearance.

[sighs]

Fellas! Let's open
up the vehicle!

Hey, um...

Great to run into you.

Would be nice to
see more of you.

- Detective?
- Oh.

Chief. [chuckles]

[sighs]

What did you find out?

About the driver?

Got a positive I.D.

I'll go back to the
office pull his jacket,

check any last knowns.

Great. Meantime, Junior and
I will search the vehicle.

Again, don't call me Junior.

- Dad didn't mean that.
- No, no. He's right.

Sorry, Henry.

Okay... I'll circle back.

Play nice.

Gloves?

I prefer nitrile to latex.

Superior protection

from corrosive
chemicals and punctures.

Eh, nitrile can't
hold a candle to latex

when it comes to
range of motion.

May the best glove win.

Uh.

Uh. If you rub that
you get three wishes.

It's a Neti pot. Ragweed season.

Something wedged under here.

We're gonna have
to remove the seat.

No, no, no, no. Let
me give it a shot.

Here.

You won't be able to get it out.

Here... [grunts]

There we go!

Ah, see? Range of motion.

Could be a burner phone.

Yep.

Hmm.

Still works.

And according to
these last few texts

this was a job for hire.

And whoever did the
hiring is over 40.

- How do you figure?
- They're horrible at texting.

Unless he meant to send a hitman

three eggplants and a peach.

They went to a bar called
The Old Place. You ever been?

Yeah, long time ago.

Place is dead.
Middle of nowhere.

Me and Lou will check it out.

Let's give it up
for Officer Bradley.

Thank you, folks. But I
was just doing my job.

Like Coach Grady always says,

you play for the name on
the front of your uniform

not the name on the back.

Although, that might be
a little bit confusing

'cause my name is on the
front of this uniform.

- [laughter]
- Point is, it was a team effort.

Isn't that right, Jake?

Oh, boy.

So how did it go
with Dad back there?

Are you guys getting
along a little better?

We get along as
well as we need to.

We'll never see eye-to-eye
on everything but it's fine.

- It's not fine.
- EVP...

EVPD.

Have you seen... this man?

Uh-huh. He was here earlier.

- Are you sure?
- Oh, yeah.

He was with this other guy
who ordered a Cobb salad.

I mean, who orders a
Cobb salad at a bar?

You don't want to know
how old those eggs are.

Does that security camera work?

Yeah.

[Lou] Wait, freeze
it right there.

That's Carl Branch.
Mrs. Branch's husband!

[Henry] I'm shocked.

That someone would marry
that terrible woman.

Alright.

Thank you. Let's split up.

You go to his house

and I'll go to his workplace
at the Apple Store.

- This town has an Apple store?
- They opened last month.

- Welcome to the Apple store.
- Hi.

Is Carl Branch
here, by any chance?

Sorry, he's not here.

Oh. Can I ask you a
few questions, then?

Make it quick.

I only have three.

Are either of you football fans?

Did your husband bet
on tonight's game?

And lastly, did you
give me a C-in English

because you secretly knew
I was smarter than you?

[sniggers]

I'm going to answer in a way you
were never able to in my class.

Concisely. No.

Oh!

Mr. Branch. Lou Hickman, EVPD.

- If you just have a...
- Louise Hickman?

We went to high school
together. Becky. Becky Simpson.

Becky Simpson. Becky!

Wow! I haven't seen
you in... forever.

Yeah, well, I left town

after someone spread a
nasty rumour about me.

My whole life fell apart.

I didn't... No. Didn't
hear any rumour.

Of course not. You were
one of the good ones.

Where are my manners?

These are my babies,
Coco and Mrs. Boots.

- [cat growls]
- Oh, my God. Oh!

I rescued them. But,
really, they rescued me.

Excuse me!

[scowls]

Poo Hickman.

I have grading to do.

So unless you have more
questions, it is time to go.

Just one more thing.

Is there anything about
your relationship with Jake

outside the classroom that
you're not telling me?

Are you suggesting

that I'm having an inappropriate
relationship with a student?

Well, it's just
that earlier I asked

if either you or Mr. Branch
were football fans.

And you 'concisely' answered no.

However, you have all of
the football games circled

on your calendar hanging
on the wall right there.

- [thud!]
- [man grunts]

Why, isn't that Jake Wilson?

I have no idea
where he came from.

You mean you have no
idea from where he came.

You're a predator, Mrs. Branch.

And a lousy English teacher.

Ahh!

Hey!

Stop! Police!

You're under arrest.

How'd you beat me here?

Short cut.

Turn around.

Also I ran varsity
track. Go, Eagles.

Go, Eagles. [sighs]

Let's go, Eagles!

[crowd cheers]

Eagles! Eagles!

[whistle blows]

Let's go!

Where's Nadi?

I don't know.

We had a little bit
of a disagreement.

I didn't go to
her dance recital.

Well, I'm sure she'll let it go.

- You think so?
- No.

I was being sarcastic.

I don't have a full range
of facial expressions

because of the Botox.

[whistle blows]

[announcer] That's the
end of the first half

and we are scoreless.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats

for a special
halftime performance.

[acoustic guitar plays]

What's Nadia doing on the field?

I have no idea.

In honour of great
Russian dancer,

Anna Morazova!

["New Song" by Maggie Rogers
and Del Water Gap plays]

Did she say in honour of Russia?

♪ When nights are
ablazin' And heavy ♪

♪ Alone in my room
and I'm ready ♪

♪ To rest for a while ♪

♪ Oh, rest for a while

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ And I don't mind it ♪

♪ I'll wait and I'll listen ♪

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ And see you through
to the kitchen ♪

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ I'm not taking it back ♪

♪ I don't mind it ♪

♪ I don't mind it. ♪

- [music ends]
- [applause]

[laughs]

[cheering and applause]

Whoo, whoo!

[speaks Russian]

What did you say?

Arms higher. Bigger smile.

Alright!

Hey, Lou, you got a minute?

Yeah, I'm letting my
suspect sweat a little

before I question her.

Hey, I'm reheating coffee.

Do you think two
potatoes is enough?

- I'd go three.
- Mmm. Alright.

- [microwave whirs]
- What's up?

Um...

When I was cataloging
the bones into evidence

I noticed the
breaks in the bones

were at a 45-degree angle.

And under magnification

I discovered these,
like, serrated marks.

I think the body
was dismembered.

Mmm. To what end?

Um... Maybe to make it
harder to identify the body?

I don't know. Just a theory.

Pretty sure an imposter
wouldn't have thought of that.

- [microwave beeps]
- Good work, Officer.

Hot potato! Hot potato!

I'm just looking at
your bank records.

You recently withdrew $5,000.

So?

That's a lot of money
for a small town.

You could buy a bass
boat or build a gazebo.

Or hire someone to
k*ll Jake Wilson.

I don't know who that is.

Oh, well, let me
give you a hint.

Your wife is having
an affair with him.

[sighs]

Ever been to a dive bar
called The Old Place?

No.

This is a screen shot

from the bar security video
of you with Dustin Crovetti.

A career criminal with
quite the rap sheet.

Pretty sure he wasn't
there to sell you a boat,

build you a gazebo,

so... that leaves
the third thing.

Mrs. Branch,

folks in this community trust
you with their children.

I can't believe you would
take advantage of a minor.

- It wasn't like that with us.
- Why?

Because he's a boy? You
think that makes it better?

He's not a boy, he's a man!

Not in the eyes of the law.

Okay, look.

I just wanted to scare
Jake out of town.

Okay? I didn't want him dead.

I wanted him to leave Eden Vale

before word got out
about the affair

and it ruined my
wife's reputation.

I'm going to type that up
and you're going to sign it.

[sneezes]

Ragweed season.

[sneezes]

[sneezes]

And I am personally
going to make sure

you get the maximum punishment,

because I don't like when
people take advantage of kids.

He's not a kid.

He's a 25 year-old
pretending to be a teenager.

- Jake's twenty-five!
- Jake's a grown man!

I figured it out first.

Seems like it was a tie.
How'd you get to it?

When we interviewed him
he sneezed into his hand,

which means he's
been out of school

for at least six years.

In 2017 there was
a push by the CDC

to have all school-aged
children sneeze

into the crook of their elbows
to stop the spread of germs.

This is a kid. This is an
adult. Jake's an adult!

[sighs]

Huh. Pretty good!

- How'd you figure it out?
- Sneeze thing, too.

- Time out.
- [whistle blows]

[announcer] 30 seconds
left in the game.

I got this, Coach.
Let me go hail Mary.

Calm down.

[announcer] Eden Vale
calls a time-out.

I got your text. What is it?

We said to meet at
the parking lot.

Son, it's the fourth quarter.
I came down from the stands.

It's as close as I get
to the parking lot.

We arrested Mr. Branch
on attempted m*rder

and arrested Mrs. Branch
on corrupting a minor.

But we had to cut her loose

because the minor turned
out not to be a minor.

What?

Jake Wilson is a


so he can play
high-school football.

That's crazy! We've gotta
get him off the field!

Eden Vale is out of the huddle.

Let's see if Jake Wilson

can create a little
last-second magic.

After we win.

Alright, boys, come on!

[whistles]

[howls like a wolf]



Alright, blue 42, blue 42!

Set!

[sneezes]

No!

Catch...

[crowd groans]

- Tackle him!
- Stop him!

Jake! Tackle him!

- [grunts]
- [crowd jeers]

Oh, my God!

[groans]

Mumma? Is that you?

So, I will see you at
my studio next week

for first lesson.

Fans, huh?

New students.

I sign up five already.

[chuckles]

I told you Eden
Vale was dance town.

We're definitely
not a football town.

I'm so proud of you, babe.

Let's promise never
to fight again.

That was not fight. You
don't want to see fight.

No, ma'am, I do not.

Still, though, I need
to apologise to you.

I had no idea how homesick you
were until I saw that dance.

You understood the
story of the dance.

Yeah, of course.
Isn't that obvious?

It was all Coach Grady's idea.

My host family doesn't know
anything about Coach's plan.

They're good people.

Coach Grady found me after
watching a video of mine

when I was playing my Junior
College days in Plano.

He forged all of the documents
and enrolled me in high school.

- I knew it was wrong.
- Then why did you do it?

I don't know.

I guess I wanted a chance to
come back and re-do high school.

I made a mess of
my first go round.

Don't you ever
just wanna go back?

- Yes.
- No.

Can't believe Coach
Grady did this.

- He's one of my closest friends.
- Guess we know what that means.

No, Henry, what does that mean?

- Hmm?
- Your record's still intact.

The only Eden Vale player to
ever score against Birch Creek.

You're an insult to the uniform.

We should be the ones talking
to Coach Grady, not him.

And I told you,

there was something
fundamentally wrong

with Mrs. Branch as a person.

Okay, you had a premonition
that in the distant future

she would have an
affair with a student

who turned out to
be a grown man?

I didn't know the exact way

her lack of moral character
would reveal itself, but yes.

[laughs] You are so annoying.

Because I'm
judgmental of a woman

who was willing to
sleep with a minor?

Because you are
judgmental about everyone!

Is this about Dad?

Okay, you are so quick to
write him off all of the time.

You know, people are
complicated. And so is he.

Don't you ever just owe him
the benefit of the doubt?

- Who made you his keeper?
- You did, dummy. When you left.

I had to pick up the pieces.

Well, I didn't ask
you to do that.

Okay, I guess in your universe
that totally absolves you.

Do you really believe he's gonna
do the right thing in there?

Yes. And if I'm right, I get
to punch you as hard as I can.

- What if I'm right?
- Then you don't get punched.

[Coach Grady] Look...

...I know I screwed up
by bringing Jake here.

Birch Creek have
owned us for so long,

I just wanted to know what
it felt like to win one.

I can't look the
other way, Grady.

You put a grown man on
the field with kids.

Somebody could have gotten hurt.

I'm asking for your
help. As a friend.

I'll lose my job, Hank.

I'm sorry.

So now you're all
high and mighty?

Everyone knows you have
turned a blind eye to worse.

Yeah, I know they do.

Not a great thing
to be known for.

I'm charging you

with falsification of documents
and child endangerment.

- [thud!]
- Oww! Come on!

- Heyyyy.
- How'd it go?

I can't believe Big Hank
arrested Coach Grady.

I told you, not everything
is black and white.

People are complicated.

Like how you ruined
Becky Simpson's life.

We don't know that.

I haven't seen her in years.
She's probably doing great.

[knocks at door]

Department finished at the scene

of the San Francisco
family's house.

Found a few more bones.
Thought I'd drop 'em off.

Oh! Hand delivery.
That's fancy.

Why didn't you just have one
of the deputies drop it off?

Um. I could've. But I
was headed here anyway.

Going to the Pioneer
to get a bite.

The Pioneer, that's on
the other side of town.

That's completely
out of your way.

Henry, why don't you take
the rest of the night off

and I'll catalog these
with Detective Carson.

Sure. Yeah. See you at home.

Still doesn't make sense

how you thought the
station was on your way.

Unless the Red Hook
bridge was closed

and GPS re-routed you this way?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Have a great night.

These ones definitely...

I mean, it's clearly not enough
here for a whole skeleton.

I'm thinking maybe leg and foot.

That seems right.

You look for metatarsals,
I'll work on the tibia.

- I think these are yours.
- Thanks.

I find with puzzles it's best
to start with the corners.

[laughs]

- Ooh, phalanges.
- Ooh!

I was looking for
those. Thank you.

So, what would you usually
be doing on a Friday night

if you weren't sifting
through old bones

in a dark musty room?

Honestly?

Probably writing.

You're a writer?

Wow! Really?

I didn't know that.

What kind of stuff?

- You promise not to laugh?
- Yeah, I promise.

I'm working on a novel

about an expedition of
wizards tracking a dragon

that holds the key to the
survival of a kingdom of elves.

[laughs]

Sorry, sorry.

I'm not laughing at
you, or your book.

I just, um...

I was surprised to
hear that, is all.

Why?

Because. I mean, you're,
like, so... [grunts]

- ...and it's so...
- Nerdy?

Uh, no. It's just unexpected.

Can I read your novel
when you're done?

[laughs]

- Maybe.
- Maybe?

You don't have the
best track record.

You promised not to laugh
and then immediately laughed.

That is fair.

But, you know...

Now that I've had time to digest

the fact that Shane Carson

of Warren County
Sheriff's department

is a fantasy writer...

I think it's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Officer Szczepkowski
thinks that maybe

it was someone trying to cover
up a m*rder from 100 years ago

and I think he's right.

Which means there could be

other body parts scattered
around out there.

Interesting.

Yeah.

I mean, you'd probably
think it was cooler

if it was, like, an elf
or something, but still.

[laughs]

I think we're done for tonight.

We don't have to be.
Wanna grab a drink?

- [Hank] Amazing!
- I know!

♪ And Darling

♪ Is there a cure
for this hunger? ♪

♪ A terrible curse to be under ♪

♪ I'll be sleeping with that ♪

♪ And it's no small thing ♪

♪ You'll smoke me out
in your own ways ♪

♪ And chase me around
until mornin' ♪

♪ And follow me back. ♪

♪ Ooh, honey, I don't mind. ♪

I guess I should
call you Detective.

I guess I should
call you Doctor.

[baby cries]

Hold that thought.

This is my son, Jean-Marc.

Oh.

Bonjour.

His name's French, he
doesn't speak French.

He's a baby.

Right. Of course.

Bien sur.

A baby.

You have a baby.