Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.

Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?

Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register

Isle of Dogs (2018)

Sci-Fi Movie collection.
(Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Dystopian, Tech noir, Utopian, Parallel Universe, etc.)
Watch on Amazon   Sci-Fi Merch   Collectables

Space, Time-travel, Futuristic, Aliens, Sci-Fi movie collection.

Isle of Dogs (2018)

Post by GabrielAlejo2341 »

(WIND HOWLING)

(BANGS GONG)

(LIGHTS MATCHSTICK)

Ten centuries ago,

before the Age of Obedience,

free dogs roamed at liberty,

marking their territory.

Seeking to extend

its dominion,

the cat-loving

Kobayashi Dynasty declared w*r

and descended in force

upon the unwary

four-legged beasts.

On the eve

of total canine annihilation,

a child warrior

sympathetic to the plight

of the besieged underdog dogs

betrayed his species,

beheaded the head of the head

of the Kobayashi clan

and pledged his sword

with the following

battle-cry haiku.

I turn my back

On man-kind!

Frost on window-pane.

He would later be known

as the Boy Samurai

of Legend, RIP.

At the end

of the bloody dog wars,

the vanquished mongrels

became powerless house-pets:

tamed, mastered, scorned.

But they survived

and multiplied.

The Kobayashis, however,

never forgave

their conquered foe.

(DRUMMING)

(SHOUTS)

NARRATOR:

The Japanese archipelago,

20 years in the future.


(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

NARRATOR: Canine Saturation

has reached

epidemic proportions.

An outbreak of Snout-fever

rips through

the City of Megasaki.

Blizzards of infected fleas,

worms, ticks and lice

menace the citizenship.

Dog-Flu threatens to cross

the species threshold

and enter

the human disease-pool.


(KOBAYASHI SPEAKING JAPANESE)

NARRATOR: (IN ENGLISH)

In a special midnight-session

at the Municipal Dome,

Mayor Kobayashi

of Uni Prefecture

issues emergency orders

calling for

a hasty quarantine:

the expulsion and containment

of all breeds,

both stray and domesticated.

By official decree,

Trash Island

becomes an exile colony.


BANISH ALL DOGS.

Save Megasaki City of Uni Prefecture!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

NARRATOR: (IN ENGLISH)

The Isle of Dogs.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Respect-o.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

NELSON: (IN ENGLISH)

It's not fair to the dogs.

The path favored

by Mayor Kobayashi

is cruel and unscientific.

For a thousand years,

these resilient animals

have loved,

served and protected us.

Now, in their time

of greatest need,

we forsake them again?

A tidal-wave

of Anti-Dog hysteria

has crippled

our moral judgment.

Give me six months,

and I will deliver a serum.

I'm this close, dammit.

Dog-Flu will be eradicated.

Snout-fever will be defeated.

Canine Saturation

will be returned

to sustainable levels

and without mass-neutering!

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Whatever happened

to man's best friend?

(CROWD JEERING)

No, no, no!

The crowd is calling

for the immediate ratification

and approval

of the mayor's proposal.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

NELSON: (IN ENGLISH) As a

gesture of public solidarity,

Mayor Kobayashi

is calling upon

his Assistant Hatchet-Man,

Major-Domo,

to furnish

the personal bodyguard-dog

of the mayoral-household,

Spots Kobayashi,

into the possession

of the Committee

for Canine Desaturation.

Spots will be the first dog

to be officially deported

from the city.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(WIND HOWLING)

(RAT SQUEAKING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

NARRATOR: Six months later.

(BARKING)

(SQUAWKING)

NARRATOR: Nomadic packs

of once-domesticated

house-pets, sick and hungry,

rove the garbage canyons

and filthy ravines,

scrounging for scraps.

One hundred per cent

test positive

for the Dog-Flu germ.

Symptoms:

weight-loss, dizziness,

narcolepsy, insomnia,

and extreme/aggressive

behavior.


(GROWLING)

Three-quarters display signs

of early-onset Snout-fever:

high-temperature,

low blood-pressure,

acute moodiness

and spasmodic

nasal expiration.

The exiled dog-population

grows weaker, sadder, angrier.

Desperate.


(ALL GROWLING)

(GROWLING CONTINUES)

Hey, wait a second.

Before we attack each other

and tear ourselves to shreds

like a pack of maniacs,

let's just open the sack first

and see what's actually in it.

It might not even

be worth the trouble.

What do you say?

I'm not sure.

Maybe.

Alright.

A rancid apple core;

two worm-eaten banana peels;

a moldy rice cake;

a dried-up pickle;

tin of sardine bones;

a pile of broken egg-shells;

an old, smushed-up,

rotten gizzard

with maggots all over it...

Okay, it's worth it.

(ALL BARKING)

(HOWLS)

(ALL PANTING)

Get out of here

and don't come back.

Sheesh, Igor. I think

he chewed your ear off.

IGOR: Hmm... Hmm.

(SNEEZES)

(FLIES BUZZING)

(RATS SQUEAKING)

(SPITS)

I don't think I can stomach

any more of this garbage.

Same here.

Words out of my mouth.

I used to sleep

on a lamb's-wool bean-bag

next to

an electric space-heater.

That's my territory.

I'm an indoor dog.

I starred in 22 consecutive

Doggy-Chop commercials.

Look at me now.

I couldn't land an audition.

I was the lead mascot

for an undefeated high-school

baseball team. (SNEEZES)

I lost all my spirit.

I'm depressing.

I only ask

for what I've always had:

a balanced diet,

regular grooming,

and a general physical

once a year.

I think I might give up.

What, right now?

Right now.

There's no future

on Trash Island.

(SNEEZES) You heard the rumor,

right? About Buster.

KING: Not sure.

Can you remind me?

Who's Buster?

Uh, my brother

from another litter.

What happened to him?

Suicided.

Hanged himself

by his own leash.

- Hmm.

- Oh, boy.

I want my master.

CHIEF: (SCOFFING) Ah...

You make me sick.

(VOMITS)

I've seen cats

with more ba*ls than you dogs.

Stop licking your wounds!

You hungry?

k*ll something and eat it.

You sick? Take a long nap.

You cold?

Dig a hole in the ground,

crawl into it,

and bury yourself.

But nobody's giving up

around here,

and don't you forget it, ever.

You're Rex!

You're King!

You're Duke!

You're Boss!

I'm Chief.

We're a pack of scary,

indestructible Alpha Dogs.

You're talking like a bunch

of house-broken... pets.

You don't understand.

Uh, how could you? You're a...

Go ahead, say it.

I'm a stray, yeah.

(RUSTLING)

(SNEEZES) How does she keep

her fur so clean?

There's no shampoo

on Trash Island.

You heard the rumor, right?

About her and Felix.

What'd they say?

Felix? No.

What happened to them?

They mated.

(KING INHALES SHARPLY)

Ooh.

(BOSS CLEARS THROAT)

Who is Felix again?

All the ones I like:

they're never in heat.

Hey, now, that puddle-jumper's

flying crooked.

- Oh, you're right.

- Ease up.

Pull up.

He's gonna lose a wing.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

(GASPS) Wow.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(GRUNTS)

NARRATOR: Part One:

The Little Pilot."


Small guy.

Not much meat on him.

Yeah, is he dead?

He looks dead.

I have a question.

Are we eating him,

or is this a rescue?

We don't know yet.

Nobody's eating

the little pilot.

Not even the dead body of him.

Dogs don't eat masters.

You're not our leader.

We all are. Let's take a vote.

All in favor of not eating

the little pilot, say "Aye".

ALL: Aye.

CHIEF: Nay.

(GROWLS)

First-things-first:

let's open his helmet

so he can breathe

some air if he's alive,

then see if we can pull that

hunk of

broken propeller-clutch

out of the side of his head

if it doesn't k*ll him.

Does that sound right?

ALL: Yeah, that's right.

KING: Mmm-hmm.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SNEEZES)

(CONTINUES BREATHING HEAVILY)

Spots-u! Spots-u! Spots-u!

(IN ENGLISH)

We get the idea.

You're looking

for your lost dog, Spots.

- Does anybody know him?

- Hmm. No.

Uh-uh.

(GRUNTING)

- (ALL GASP)

- Wow.

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CHEERING)

(WHISPERING IN JAPANESE)

NELSON: (IN ENGLISH)

In response to questions

regarding the purported

disappearance

of his ward Atari,

Mayor Kobayashi offers

no comment

and urges reporters to respect

the privacy of

the mayoral-household.

Atari, aged 12, was last seen

early yesterday morning

rolling a small airplane

onto a runway

at Megasaki Executive Airport.

(ATARI WHISTLING)

NARRATOR: 24 hours later.

(WHISTLING CONTINUES)

(GROWLS)

I bite.

I beg your pardon.

Ignore that dog.

He's got Snout-fever.

Just please follow us.

(SNEEZES)

REX: Now, I never met him,

but I asked around.

I understand

he made a lot of friends.

He had a very good-natured

temperament, I'm told.

Of course,

you would know best.

It's just a bit further

up here on the left.

Anyway, as I say,

he seemed to have been

an extremely pleasant animal.

Unfortunately, nobody could

figure out

how to open his dog-cage.

NARRATOR: Three years earlier.

NELSON: The sole survivor

of last week's

colossal

b*llet-train disaster,

a young boy named Atari,

awoke from a deep-coma

early this morning

to learn

of his parents' tragic deaths

and also the intention

of his distant-uncle,

Mayor Kobayashi,

to personally adopt him

as ward

to the mayoral-household.

Upon his release

from Megasaki General,

Atari who suffered the loss

of his right kidney

and numerous broken bones

in the crash

will live

in sequestered quarters

within the confines

of Brick Mansion,

where he will be educated

in solitude by private tutors.

Atari has also been assigned

a security-detail

for his own protection

in the form of a highly

trained bodyguard-dog

named Spots Kobayashi.

(MONITOR BEEPING)

(MAJOR-DOMO SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH)

Um, you're my new master.

My name is Spots.

I'm at your service.

I'll be protecting

your welfare and safety

on an ongoing-basis.

In other words: I'm your dog.

(MAJOR-DOMO YELLS)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH)

Bodyguard-dog! Not pet!

(HEADSET BEEPING)

(BEEPING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(WHISPERING IN JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) I can hear you,

Master Atari.

(CONTINUES WHISPERING

IN JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) I can hear you.

I can hear you.

I can hear you.

DOGS: Oh, no.

You need a key.

(ALL SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(ATARI SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(WHISTLING)

(CONTINUES WHISTLING)

(RAT SQUEAKING)

(ENGINE STARTING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(BEEPING)

(RADAR BEEPING)

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Where'd you get that?

What? I always had this.

I stole it

off the dead skeleton.

(GASPS) Oh, no.

Hey! The wrong dog died!

The wrong dog died!

(SHOUTS)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(PANTING)

The wrong...

The wrong dog died.

He's not Spots.

Who is that?

(SNIFFING)

I can't smell him.

(KOBAYASHI SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(PHONE RINGS)

(SNAPS FINGERS)

(DRONE WHIRRING)

(MAN SPEAKING JAPANESE

OVER SPEAKERS)

(SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

(ALL SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(DOGS WHINING)

(ATARI GROANING)

(IN ENGLISH)

This is child abuse.

Chief, you fight

the robot-dog.

Wait. What?

King, Duke, Boss? You attack

the three dog-catchers.

KING: On it.

I'll guard the little pilot.

On my command. Ready?

Wait a second!

I am not gonna fight

this robot!

I'm against the little pilot,

remember?

I don't even believe

in masters.

You're the best in a scrap.

We all know that.

You like to fight.

Well, let's take a vote.

All in favor of Chief

fighting the robot-dog,

say "Aye".

- ALL: Aye.

- Nay.

Sic 'em.

(DOGS BARKING)

(GROWLS)

(BARKING CONTINUES)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(ALARM BLARING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH)

My ward, Atari,

has been kidnapped

against his will

by a pack of disobedient,

contagious, infected animals.

He will be rescued promptly,

returned to safety,

and grounded for the duration

of his childhood years.

His five dog-abductors

have been identified

through the use

of advanced Tooth-and-Tail

Recognition Software:

They will, of course,

be captured

and violently destroyed.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(BELL RINGS)

(CAT YOWLS)

(IN ENGLISH) Chief ought to

get a check-up, too.

He looks worse than anybody.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) I wish somebody

spoke his language.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Sit-o!

Well, I understood that.

Sit down.

Sit-o!

Chief! Sit!

I don't sit.

You're disobedient! Sit!

No.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

(SNEEZES)

(WIND HOWLING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

NUTMEG: I wouldn't drink that,

if I were you.

It's full of toxic chemicals.

How do you know?

Because my sister-in-law

drank it,

and her tongue turned black.

Oh.

You're Felix's mate.

I beg your pardon?

I mean, I think you mated

with Felix,

if I heard it right?

That's none of your business.

No, no, I don't suggest

whether it actually

happened or not.

I'm just saying

that I recognize you

from when I heard that rumor.

(SNEEZES)

I think I'm going

to say good-night.

Wait, wait, wait. No.

Wait. Start over.

Who cares about Felix?

I'm Chief. (CLEARS THROAT)

That's my name.

I see.

I'm introducing myself.

Who are you?

I thought you knew

all about me.

(CHUCKLES)

No, I don't know anything.

I should've kept

my mouth shut.

It's all hearsay.

Anyway, you're Nutmeg.

So you do know me, after all.

After all? Yes.

You a show-dog, Nutmeg?

I was bred as a show-dog.

I was groomed

for that purpose.

It wasn't my choice.

I don't consider it

my identity.

Anyway, look around.

What difference

does it make now?

So that's a yes.

So that's a:

yes, I used to be.

May I join you?

(NUTMEG GASPS)

You've been attacked.

Hmm. What else is new?

You should see the other dog.

(CLEARS THROAT) Actually,

I think he was made

of stainless-steel.

I couldn't get my teeth

into him.

Who is the little pilot?

What'd he do?

Why are they after him?

Nobody knows.

You're a stray, aren't you?

Yes, I'm a stray.

But aren't we all?

In the last analysis, I mean?

Were you trained?

For competition.

I was a show-dog.

You know a few tricks, then.

A few.

Can I see one?

Maybe if I get to

know you better.

Fair enough.

It's not true, by the way.

About me and Felix.

For the record.

I wouldn't bring puppies

into this world.

I don't believe in masters.

I never did.

It's against my principles.

But this is no place

for a dog like you.

You belong somewhere.

You've got papers.

Oh, I'm full-grown,

sweetheart.

You don't have to worry

about me.

Good-night.

I hope I'll see you again.

- Here's one.

- One what?

I'm supposed to be spinning

a nine-pound bowling-ball

over my head at this point,

but you just have to

imagine that part.

Oh.

I can picture it.

Will you help him?

The little pilot?

Why should I?

Because he's

a 12-year-old boy.

Dogs love those.

KING: Spots, whoever he is,

might be alive,

and he might be dead,

but one thing's for sure:

he's nowhere around here.

He's not in the dog-community.

There's probably another

500 Japanese hectares

of unmapped waste-land

on Trash Island at least.

Where do we start?

(CLEARS THROAT) Also,

the mental health question:

maybe it's because of that

propeller-clutch stuck

in the side of his head

I can't say, I'm not a doctor,

but I think the little pilot's

got a screw loose.

Those are the cons.

You heard the rumor, right?

About the little pilot.

Which rumor?

What is that?

Kobayashi is

his distant uncle.

He's the mayor's ward.

- What?

- ALL: Whoa.

Be that as it may,

let's look at the pros.

That boy flew here, all alone,

and crash-landed

onto this island

for one reason;

one reason only:

to find his dog.

To the best of my knowledge,

no other master,

not one single human master,

has made any effort

to do that.

They've forgotten

all about us.

I propose we start tomorrow,

first-light.

We'll cross

the Middle Fingers.

We'll find the tugboat

on the Dune.

We'll go see Jupiter

and Oracle.

They'll know what to do.

Let's take a vote.

All in favor say "Aye".

- ALL: Aye.

- CHIEF: Nay.

Who's the nay-sayer?

- ALL: Him.

- CHIEF: Me.

That kid is gonna get us all

put to sleep. Euthanized.

We won't find the dog,

but we will die trying.

Not a bad way to go.

You're out-voted, anyway.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

NELSON: (IN ENGLISH)

Science-Party Candidate

Professor Watanabe

has been placed

under house-arrest today

at Toho Mountain Ryokan

after offering sharp criticism

last night

of the

Kobayashi Administration's

Canine Saturation-crisis

policy:

(WATANABE SHOUTING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Foreign-exchange

student Walker.

Thank you, Editor-Hiroshi.

You all know me.

I speak my mind,

and sometimes

that ruffles some feathers.

Please, forgive my bluntness.

Mayor Kobayashi is a crook,

and I hate him.

Right now,

he faces a divided congress

during a hotly-contested

re-election year.

Dogs are dying

on a miserable island.

Gullible masters

have been brainwashed.

The Science-Party Candidate

is being held against his will

with no recourse

to legal counsel.

Somebody is up to something.

(STUDENTS SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) You have

a conspiracy theory?

I have a hunch.

I don't print hunch.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

Huh?

I'll spell it out.

I believe

Municipal Dome propaganda

has deliberately stoked

irrational, Anti-Dog fear

and suppressed a medically

proven Dog-Flu treatment

in order to promote

a secret campaign

to turn the country against

its innocent house-pets.

There. I said it.

Can you prove it?

I don't know.

To tell you the truth:

I don't know.

(I WON'T HURT YOU PLAYING)

MAN:

♪ I've lost all of my pride ♪

♪ I've been to paradise

and out the other side ♪

NARRATOR: Part Two:

"The Search for Spots."


♪ With no one to guide me ♪

♪ Torn apart by a fiery wheel

inside me ♪

♪ An untouched diamond ♪

♪ That's golden and brilliant

without illumination ♪

♪ Your mouth's

a constellation ♪

♪ The stars are in your eyes ♪

♪ I'll take a spaceship

and try and go and find you ♪

NARRATOR: The Middle Fingers

of Trash Island

wind and weave up-river,

inter-stitched

by zig-zagging pipe-lines

and rusty viaducts.

The ruins of

a failed utility-complex

washed-out by tsunami.

The rubble of an abandoned

power-plant

demolished by earthquake.

The remains of a deserted

industrial estate

destroyed by volcanic blast.


♪ I won't hurt you

I won't hurt you ♪

♪ I won't hurt you

I won't hurt you ♪

NARRATOR: The Old Trash Island

Athletic Club,

member-less

and long-forgotten.


KING: Okay, I got a question.

What's your favorite food?

REX: A double-portion

of Doggy-Chop from the can

mixed into a bowl

of broken Puppy-Snaps

with a vitamin

crushed up into it.

BOSS: King's the spokes-dog

for that.

He's the Doggy-Chop dog.

KING: Mmm. Used to be.

DUKE: Was that

your daily meal?

REX: Not always. My master

was a school-teacher.

We weren't rich,

you know. You?

KING: A center-cut Kobe

rib-eye, seared,

on the bone,

with salt and pepper.

REX: Wow.

KING: It was my birthday

supper. Every year.

BOSS: Mine's hot-sausage,

yakitori-style.

The snack vendor always

saved me one on game-days.

KING: Hmm. Duke?

DUKE: Ah, green-tea ice cream.

My master had a sweet-tooth.

I probably inherited it

from her.

(SNEEZES)

You heard the rumor, right?

About Doggy-Chop.

Remind us again.

What rumor?

Oh, they folded.

Oh, no.

Doggy... Doggy-Chop folded?

How about you, Chief?

What was your favorite food?

Me? Oh, I don't care.

Garbage, trash,

scraps of rubbish.

I'm used to left-overs.

ALL: Hmm.

REX: Yeah, yeah.

CHIEF: Of course,

I wasn't always a stray.

Wait. What'd you say?

I said I wasn't always

a stray.

REX: Really? Since when?

BOSS: Tell us about that.

(CHIEF SIGHS)

I've been hunted by

dog-catchers all my life.

I'm not easy to trap.

I've only got three captures

on my record

where I actually got sent

to the pound, I mean,

and the first two times,

I escaped within 24 hours,

but the third time...

(WIND HOWLING)

I got adopted before I could

finish digging

the break-out-tunnel.

It was a big family.

Five kids.

Two other dogs, already.

They stuck me

in the back of a station-wagon

and drove me out

to the middle of the sticks.

Grass, trees, swimming pool.

Cartoons on TV.

Anyway, one morning

a week later,

the youngest boy,

his name was Toshiro,

woke me up at 6:15,

bright-eyed, wide-awake,

and he tried to pet me.

He didn't mean anything by it.

He was just being friendly.

Apparently, I bit him so hard,

I nearly chewed his hand off.

Blood all over

the kitchen floor.

They rushed him

to the emergency room

and I got pad-locked out

in the tool-shed

with the lights out.

It gave me some time to think.

What happened?

Why did I do that?

To this day, I have no idea.

I guess he scared me.

I bite.

That night, an old woman,

she must've been

the grandmother

brought me out a bowl of some

homemade hibachi-chili.

I like to think she cooked it

for me,

personally -but who knows?

Maybe it was just

more left-overs. But...

You've got a tick.

(SPITS)

Anyway, that's my favorite

food I ever ate.

The old woman made

a great bowl of chili.

What happened after that?

I dug my way out by morning,

jumped on the back

of a dump-truck,

and hitched back to Megasaki.

I was always a street-dog,

let's face it.

(RUSTLING)

Somebody's stalking us.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

SIMUL-TRANSLATE: (IN ENGLISH)

As you know, we all hate dogs.

Chairman Fujimoto-san,

President of

Kobayashi Pharmaceutical.

You secretly introduced

mega-quantities

of infected fleas

and contagious tick-larvae

into a metropolitan

city center,

creating an unprecedented

animal-disease out-break.

Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

General Yamatachi-san,

Commander of the Megasaki

Municipal Task force.

You oversaw the deportation

of over 750,000 caged-animals

to a nearly uninhabitable

off-shore refuse-center.

Good work.

(APPLAUSE)

Supervisor Kitano-san,

Director

of Kobayashi Robotics.

You developed the most

promising artificial life-form

in the history

of corporate-technology-

and a powerful new weapon,

to boot.

Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

Yakuza Nakamura-san,

Head of

the Clenched-Fist g*ng.

You eliminated

all Pro-Dog opposition

through the use of bribery,

extortion, intimidation,

and violent force.

My compliments.

(APPLAUSE)

Brains have been washed.

Wheels have been greased.

Fear has been mongered.

Now we prepare

for the final stage

of our conspiracy-theory:

the permanent end

to the Canine

Saturation-crisis.

NELSON: We believe we've

recovered a viable DNA sample

from this article

of damaged aviation equipment.

We're going to check it

right now

if you care to observe.

(BEEPING)

(NEWS ANCHOR

SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

We call upon

dog-lovers everywhere

to harken

to this transmission:

(ATARI SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH)

May-day! May-day!

Unscheduled Junior Turbo-Prop

in severe distress

over Sapporo River.

Engine-failure, and-

-detachment of left wing.

Will attempt emergency-landing

on Trash Island coast.

Please, make note

of the following:

to my security-detail /

bodyguard-dog,

Spots Kobayashi,

if still living,

I leave

all my worldly possessions.

If Spots has preceded me

into the next life,

I ask that everything,

including my own bones

and Spots' carcass,

be burned

in a crematory furnace,

with our ashes scattered

to the four-winds.

It will not amount to much

pollution in this sad land.

If I survive,

ignore this message.

I've gone to find my dog.

Young masters

of Megasaki: unite!

Turpentine brandy.

It cools the head

and warms the dog-bones.

It may snow tonight.

Really? Thank you

very much. Wow.

To whom it may concern.

- She sees the future.

- (SCOFFS) No.

She understands T.V.

(WEATHERMAN SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(SNEEZES)

You seek a dog named Spots.

- Dog-Zero.

- Dog-Zero.

As you know, most of

the animals on this island

come from human homes

with domesticated

back-grounds.

However, a small population

of savage, aboriginal dogs

have been scavenging

the Metropolitan

Dumping-Grounds

for nearly a decade.

The graffiti on this wall

depicts the story.

They were born into captivity

on the ends of the fringes

of the most distant reaches

of the island.

They endured

great suffering and cruelty

at the hands

of their former masters.

Finally, in the wake of

an Act of God, they escaped-

to a harsh

and desperate freedom.

Some say they died away

over the subsequent years,

starving and forgotten.

Some say they swam

to the mainland,

but this seems unlikely.

Too far to dog-paddle.

Some say

they're still with us,

in the Far-away Cuticles,

beyond the Middle Fingers.

We know the animal you seek.

He has appeared

in Oracle's visions.

(MAN SPEAKING JAPANESE ON TV)

(IN ENGLISH)

A prophecy suggests itself:

Spots, if he's alive,

may very well be living,

even at this moment,

as a c*ptive prisoner

abducted into the company

of these wild, savage dogs.

Oracle, what do you think?

What?

Continue your journey.

Have faith in your cause.

Luck and good fortune

be unto you.

You heard the rumor, right?

About these aboriginal dogs.

BOSS: Remind me again.

CHIEF: What's the rumor?

Uh, they're cannibals.

So you're telling me they're

going to want to eat us?

Well, they're cannibals.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

We're approaching

the end of Old Trash Island.

To the west: the Sapporo River

and Megasaki City.

(DOGS SNEEZING)

To the east: the open-sea.

To the north: a long, rickety

cause-way

over a noxious sludge-marsh

leading to

a radio-active land-fill

polluted by toxic

chemical-garbage.

That's our destination.

BOSS: Great.

KING: Got it.

Get ready to jump.

Atari, I'm going to drag you

overboard with my teeth,

since you can't understand

the plan.

After that,

we're back on foot.

The next stage...

Where'd they...

- Where'd they go?

- (CHIEF SNEEZES)

What are they doing

over there?

How did this happen?

What's going on

with this contraption?

If we get separated,

which we are:

rendez-vous at the cause-way!

CHIEF: You're not our leader!

What?

CHIEF: You're not our leader!

We all are!

Let's take a vote!

(REX GRUMBLES)

All in favor of my plan,

which is to rendez-vous

at the cause-way...

(ENGINE STARTS)

(ATARI GRUNTS)

Let's go.

No, you can't ride

the Pagoda-Slide.

You're below the safety-limit,

anyway. Let's go.

We made an emergency plan,

even if we didn't get to vote

and agree to it yet:

rendez-vous at the cause-way

to the Far-away Cuticles,

and go find your dog.

Maybe everybody else

just got crushed,

compacted, and incinerated-

but we're going to be there.

Let's go.

Don't.

Repeat:

don't.

I am not your pet.

I never liked you.

I don't care about you.

I won't wait for you.

I bite.

Good luck.

(SCREAMS)

(SHOUTS IN JAPANESE)

(CRASHING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Jerks. Come here.

Oh, do this. Do that.

Our Masters. I'll do what I...

(MUMBLING)

(LAUGHS)

Hmm...

(ATARI WHISTLING)

(CONTINUES WHISTLING)

(CHIEF WHISTLING)

KING: I suppose

if it was working right,

we'd be dead already.

Don't ask me

to fetch that stick.

Fetch-i!

Fetch-i!

I'm telling you:

I don't fetch.

Fetch-i!

I'm not doing this

because you commanded me to.

I'm doing it-

because I feel sorry for you.

Good boy.

Where'd you get that dog?

He looks like me

with a pink nose.

I come from a nine-dog litter,

but they drowned the sisters.

We're not a rare breed:

short-haired-Oceanic-

speckled-ear/

sport-hound-mix.

(STAMMERS)

I'm getting confused now.

My belly feels funny.

(WHISPERS) Biscuit-o.

I can't accept that.

It's for your dog.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

I've never been offered

a Puppy-Snap in my life.

I don't even know

what they taste like.

Okay, I'll try it.

Crunchy. Salty.

Supposedly, it cleans

your teeth.

This is my new favorite food.

Thank you.

(I WON'T HURT YOU PLAYING)

MAN:

♪ My pale blue star ♪

♪ My rainbow, how good it is

to know you're like me ♪

♪ Strike me

with your lightning ♪

♪ Bring me down

and bury me with ashes ♪

♪ I won't hurt you

I won't hurt you ♪

♪ I won't hurt you

I won't hurt you ♪

(OWL HOOTS)

Cold up here tonight.

We'll find him.

Wherever he is, if he's alive:

we'll find your dog.

♪ I won't hurt you

I won't hurt you ♪

♪ I won't hurt you

I won't hurt you ♪

♪ I won't hurt you

I won't hurt you ♪

(WOMAN SPEAKING JAPANESE

ON RADIO)

(IN ENGLISH) Mayor Kobayashi,

elected leader

of Megasaki City.

For 150 years,

you and your ancestors,

known as

the Kobayashi Dynasty,

a procession of

dog-hating th*gs,

stooges, felons,

and their criminal underlings,

have betrayed and deceived

the citizens

of Uni Prefecture.

You make me so mad!

Professor Watanabe,

Science-Party Candidate,

deceased.

The wasabi in your blood

showed poison-levels

in excess of ten times

the maximum dosage required

to stop the heart of a whale.

Why'd you do it?

Atari Kobayashi, adopted ward

to the mayoral-household.

You heroically hi-jacked

a Junior Turbo-Prop XJ750

and flew it to the island...

(DOORBELL RINGING)

(CONVERSING IN JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Atari.

You heroically,

as I was saying,

stole the little airplane,

because of your dog and...

(STAMMERS)

I lost my train of thought.

Dammit!

I've got a crush on you.

NARRATOR: Part Three:

"The Rendez-Vous."


(WHISTLING)

(WHISTLING)

(BOTH WHISTLING)

(DOOR OPENS)

(GASPS)

CHIEF: Rex! King! Duke! Boss!

You made it!

What happened to you?

I took a bath.

What? He's got soap?

Just a little.

You're too fluffy.

We played fetch.

REX: With a stick?

With a hunk

of rubber radiator-tubing.

And you brought it back

to him?

Yeah.

He's a good boy.

Don't you tell me that!

I'm the one

that tried to make you

be loyal to him,

in the first place.

Stop. Stop!

This is the rendezvous.

Where's that trash-tram

taking you?

You think we booked this ride

through a travel agent?

We were fighting for our lives

in a high-velocity

trash-processor

while you were getting

scrubbed and brushed.

- Jump!

- Where?

- Here!

- When?

- Now!

- Why?

What?

Let's take a vote.

All in favor of jump...

Who's that?

(SNIFFING)

I can't smell him.

(BEEPING)

(ALARM BLARING)

SPOTS: (ON RADIO) Come in.

Master Atari...

Can you hear me?

Huh?

(DOG HOWLING)

(CHIEF SNIFFING)

That dog's real.

What's that thing

in your ear for?

Are you hard of hearing?

You can't be. Um...

Bodyguard-dogs have to have

20/30-Auditory

just to be certified.

No, the ear-piece

is how I receive

my commands and instructions

and so on.

Obviously, I'm privy to

certain sensitive information

due to my position

in the mayoral-household

at Brick Mansion.

Oh, so you mean

somebody could be talking

to you right now?

Well, the range is only about

75 feet or so, I guess, so...

Battery's probably dead,

anyway.

I got a question for you.

How much money

do you think the mayor makes?

(SCOFFS)

I can't tell you that.

That's highly confidential.

Um, anyway, I'm not

the mayor's accountant's dog.

That's Butterscotch,

and she got crushed

in a glass compactor

the day before yesterday.

No, my duties

are, uh, focused entirely

on the protection

of the mayor's ward, Atari.

I'm not supposed

to be his friend,

but I love him very much,

but that's a private matter.

Um, the only reason

I even said that

was because we're all probably

going to die out here

and I'll never see him again.

(SPOTS SNIFFLING)

That's a tough break.

Well, good luck to you

and watch out

for the cannibal-dogs.

- Hmm?

- SCRAP: Hmm?

- What?

- What?

Watch out for the...?

The cannibal-dogs.

They are dogs that eat dogs.

Start over and repeat again.

You know what?

Don't even worry about that.

I just heard there might be

some wild, aboriginal,

cannibal-dogs

in the area, you know,

but I wouldn't worry

because you're

in an extra-security

lock cell.

Look at it that way.

You're probably safer

than I am.

Except from thirst

and starvation.

It's got an extra-security

lock on it.

You'll never get it open.

Are you going to eat me now?

What did you say?

Are you going to eat me now?

I heard

you were cannibal-dogs.

Be notified: I'll be compelled

to defend myself

with all means at my disposal.

(LAUGHS)

Hmm.

Who told you that dirty lie?

We resorted to cannibalism

on one occasion,

many months ago,

as a desperate

survival instinct.

We ate one single dog.

His name was Fuzzball,

and he was the leader

of our pack,

and he was already in a coma

from starvation,

so we put him out of his...

his... (STAMMERS)

(HOWLING)

(DOGS HOWLING)

His misery and...

and...

consumed him.

(HOWLING)

(DOGS HOWLING)

We would have dropped dead

in a week or less

without that nourishment.

We were dying.

Do you judge us for that?

Shame on you!

We only brought you here

in the first place

to help you.

(HOWLING)

(DOGS HOWLING)

We've got a Master Pass-Key!

Open his cage.

PEPPERMINT:

Fuzzball was his best friend.

Oh, dear.

Uh, I think I offended him.

I'm truly sorry.

I had no idea.

What is this place?

How long have you been here?

I can see

you've been mistreated.

(SNIFFLES)

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

Are you okay?

My name is Spots.

Spots Kobayashi.

How can I be of service

to you?

SPOTS: Master Atari-san,

can you hear me?

Can you hear me, Master Atari?

(GASPS) Spots-u?

You're not safe here!

You shouldn't have

come for me!

I can't

protect you efficiently

under these conditions!

Spots-u!

Here I come.

Sic-'em!

(DOGS BARKING)

Follow me!

(ATARI SCREAMS)

REX: All in favor of kicking

Chief out of the pack

and never speaking

to him again, say "Aye".

ALL: Aye!

(SPLASH)

How did you do that?

Secret tooth! Military issue!

Technically, I could do it

37 more times,

but I wouldn't be able

to chew my meat!

I assume you're Spots!

We've been looking for you.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Master Atari-san,

I swore an oath when I assumed

the responsibilities

of official bodyguard-dog

to the mayoral-household!

I could never be persuaded

to break that vow

for any reason whatsoever!

I'll always be loyal to you

as my only

and unconditional master!

But circumstances

have radically changed for me

and all the pets

of Megasaki City!

I have new obligations

which I never anticipated!

I've become the leader

of a tribe of outcasts

who depend on me

for their survival,

and I'm going to be a father!

With deepest sadness

and humility:

I must ask you to relieve me

of the duties of my position,

effective immediately.

You son of a b*tch.

If we don't drown, I'm going

to strangle you myself.

I don't care

how many exploding teeth

you try to spit-out at me.

Do you have any idea

what that little pilot

just went through

to try to rescue you?

How dare you?

- You're a stray.

- Yeah, so what?

What's your name?

Who cares?

You're from central Megasaki.

I can tell by the accent.

You're a short-haired-Oceanic-

speckle-ear/sport-hound-mix.

You were born in a storm-sewer

on Bamboo-sh**t Holiday

six years ago today.

Do you know me?

I... I don't... I don't know.

I'm your older brother

by five minutes.

It's been a long time, Chief.

Was... Was I the runt?

Not anymore.

NELSON:

Security-camera footage

confirms initial-reports

of the deaths of mayoral-ward

Atari Kobayashi

and his five dog-abductors

this afternoon

in a sluice channel

at the threshold

of the Far-Away Cuticles.

A statement from Major-Domo,

live at Brick Mansion:

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) The life

of a promising young orphan

has been cut short

before its prime.

This is a distant-uncle's

worst nightmare.

Mayor Kobayashi asks for your

prayers, your condolences

and your support

for the diligent men and women

of the Municipal Task Force

Dog-Catchers Division:

we salute you for your bravery

and your ongoing commitment

to the continuing punishment

of all bad-dogs.

Originally,

before the volcano erupted

and an earthquake

triggered the tsunami

which obliterated

the facility,

there were over 250

incarcerated animals

here on the premises

being experimented on

against their will.

If you look closely, you may

notice some of these dogs

still bear scars and markings

from the research and abuse.

Actually, it's pretty obvious.

This is my mate, Peppermint.

She's pregnant

with our first litter.

She was due a week ago.

(WHISPERING)

(CLEARS THROAT) Anyway,

the survivors of the disaster

learned to cultiv...

What's he got there?

What's he got there?

Biscuit-o. Biscuit-o.

Biscuit-o.

Puppy-Snaps. (CHUCKLES)

I heard they don't even

make them anymore.

You heard the rumor, right?

About Kobayashi

Pharmaceutical.

I never heard it.

What rumor?

They invented Dog-Flu.

- No.

- Of course.

That makes sense.

Where do you get

all these rumors?

I mean,

who tells them to you?

I don't know. Anybody.

Dogs talk, and I listen.

Always have.

I, uh, love gossip.

GONDO: Spots!

The black owl has a message.

(PANTING)

(HOOTING)

He's come from all the way

across the island.

Get him a cup

of sewer-water, Chico.

(CONTINUES HOOTING)

SPOTS: Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm.

Yes. We understand.

He has news from the

Metropolitan Dumping-Grounds.

ALL: Metropolitan...

Shh! Quiet, please.

We're listening, owl.

Tell us your message.

(DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)

He's going to poison us.

Re-election Night:

at the moment Mayor Kobayashi

is re-inaugurated,

he'll give the order,

and the extermination-process

will begin.

Oracle saw the plan

in her visions.

(MAYOR KOBAYASHI

SPEAKING JAPANESE ON TV)

NELSON:

If the voters choose me again

on Re-Election Night,

I promise:

a final and permanent end

to the Canine

Saturation-crisis.

JUPITER: Every pet in the

Trash Island Camp will die.

It may be too late, already;

but, if the black owl

reaches you

with this message in time:

Go to Megasaki City.

Find our masters.

Appeal to the people.

Stop the mayor.

Save us.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) We're crossing

the river tonight.

Begin preparations

immediately.

You'll meet a b*tch

named Nutmeg.

Tell her Chief says:

I'll see you in Megasaki.

(OWL HOOTS)

(DRUMMING)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(DRUMMING CONTINUES)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

(DRUMMING STOPS)

Hmm.

Beautiful night.

Peppermint's in labor.

Oh.

Come sit beside me.

It's okay. (SIGHS)

Master Atari, are you willing

to accept my brother Chief

as new bodyguard-dog

in personal service to you,

former ward

to the mayoral-household?

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Chief, are you willing

to accept

Atari as your direct master,

to serve and protect

his safety and welfare

with all courage, loyalty

and friendship?

I can do that.

Good.

(DEVICE BEEPS)

(WHINING)

(CHIEF WHISTLING)

(ALL WHISTLING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Chocolate milk, cold.

Tracy Walker, Megasaki

Senior High, Daily-Manifesto.

Are you Professor Watanabe's

former Assistant-Scientist,

Yoko-ono-san?

Do I have it?

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Too late.

Do I have it?

Too late.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) Nobody care.

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Do I have it?

Do I have the story?

Yes or no? On the record!

I am sorry for your loss,

but we both know:

that was no suicide!

I need to prove

my conspiracy-theory!

Ben is dead.

No future on Trash Island.

I am failure.

(GLASS SHATTERS)

Pull yourself together

and act like a scientist!

Professor Watanabe

never gave up.

Is this... Is this the serum?

The Dog-Flu cure?

The Snout-fever treatment?

The end of the Canine

Saturation-crisis?

Last dose.

Tracy:

be careful.

NARRATOR: Part Four:

"Atari's Lantern."


TRACY: Not fair!

ALL: To dogs!

TRACY: Not fair!

ALL: To dogs!

TRACY: Not fair!

ALL: To dogs!

(KOBAYASHI SPEAKING JAPANESE)

There will never be a place

for Dog-Flu in Megasaki City.

There will never be room

for Snout-fever

in Uni Prefecture.

The time has come to put

the violent, intimidating,

unsanitary bad-dogs

of Trash Island

humanely to sleep.

For their own good;

and also: ours.

General Yamatachi?

Bring out the replacement-pet.

(IN ENGLISH) Sit-o!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

The results are in!

Stand by for the incoming

Re-Election Night tally!

(ANNOUNCER SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(AUDIENCE CHEERING ON TV)

TRACY: That crook!

He's stealing

the re-election again!

Let's go!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(KOBAYASHI SPEAKING JAPANESE)

This landslide re-election

is a massive fraud,

and we demand a re-count!

(IN ENGLISH) Respect-o.

The mayor is allowing

the unauthorized

Pro-Dog student-protestors

a platform to voice

their dissenting beliefs!

Mayor Kobayashi

has dog's-blood

on his hands! You all do!

Atari was a hero.

Professor Watanabe

was m*rder*d.

The serum works!

The mayor is a crook,

and I hate him.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

This small minority

of dog-lovers

has been sent by overseas

special-interest groups

to agitate disorder

and incite anarchy.

I hereby cancel and nullify

Foreign-exchange

student Walker's

senior high school study-visa.

She will be expelled

from class,

stripped of

her course-credits,

and formally deported

on the next direct-flight

back to Cincinnati, Ohio.

Oh. Hmm.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Mayor Kobayashi

has directed Major-Domo

to bring him the red button.

(BEEPING)

Nutmeg!

(CHIEF SNEEZES)

(ALL GASP)

(SNEEZES)

(GASPS)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Holy smokes!

My lungs feel clear.

My equilibrium feels balanced.

My vision is sharp as a tack

for the first time in months.

Wow, that's a great serum!

Master Atari, whose death,

I think we can say,

appears to have been

inaccurately reported,

has asked to read a statement

to the General Assembly.

He will then withdraw

from the debate

and respond

to no further questions.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH)

Dear Editor-Hiroshi

of the Megasaki Senior High

Daily-Manifesto:

in a series

of first-rate articles

by an attractive cub-reporter

on your staff,

you shine a spot-light

on the great injustice

that has occurred

under the Kobayashi

Administration.

I have spent much of my time

in recent weeks

traveling in the company

of the very kind of animals

our mayor refers to

as "bad-dogs."

They are the finest

living-beings

I have ever come to know

in all my dozen years

on this earth.

To your readers,

the good people of Megasaki,

I say: the cycle of life

always hangs

in a delicate balance.

Who are we,

and who do we want to be?

(IN ENGLISH) Who are we?

(CONTINUES SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH) I wrote a haiku

to try to express my feelings

about the suffering dogs

of Trash Island.

It is also about nature, love,

friendship, eternity,

and a black owl.

I call it: Atari's Lantern.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(GASPS)

He said a haiku.

(SOBBING) I'll tell you later.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(IN ENGLISH)

I dedicate this poem

to my distant-uncle,

Mayor Kobayashi,

who took me in

when I myself was a stray-dog

with nowhere else to turn.

Editor-Hiroshi,

please extend my subscription

for an additional year.

I enclose a check in the

amount of one thousand yen.

Signed, Atari Kobayashi,

former ward

to the mayoral-household.

(GRUNTS) Hmm.

(GROWLS)

(WHISTLING)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

NELSON:

Not-fair-to-the-boy.

Not-fair-to-the-dog.

He says: "I-have-no-honor."

(GROWLS)

Hmm?

(AUDIENCE GASP)

NELSON:

Holy Moses!

The mayor

has just officially

unstamped

the Trash Island Decree!

No kidding!

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

(BOTH ARGUING IN JAPANESE)

(STAMMERING) Major-Domo

is accusing the mayor

of breaking

his campaign promise!

He's steaming mad!

(SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

(GASPS) It's gonna be a fight!

Spit him with a tooth!

I can't get a clean shot.

Too many innocent protesters.

I'll be right back.

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

(MAJOR-DOMO YELLS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

(g*n HISSING)

(GRUNTS)

(ALARM BLARING ON TV)

Escape!

Escape! Escape!

Escape!

(SIREN BLARING)

Well, the brain surgery

was a complete success.

But his left kidney failed

due to the stress

of the operation.

(IN ENGLISH) But, what about

the right one?

He lost it in a train-crash

three years ago.

(KOBAYASHI SIGHS)

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Take my left kidney...

give it to Atari-kun.

(MONITOR BEEPING)

(BOTH SPEAKING IN JAPANESE)

(MONITOR BEEPING)

NELSON: According

to a long-standing statute

unique to Uni Prefecture,

in the event of the death,

disappearance,

or felony-prosecution

of the chosen candidate

on, while, during,

or concurrent

with the Re-Election-Night

ceremony,

all powers and authorities

vested in his or her

designated office

transfer forthwith

to his or her

next-of-kin and/or

appointed heir.

In other words,

Atari Kobayashi is the new

mayor of Megasaki City!

You heard me right:

Atari Kobayashi

is the new mayor

of Megasaki City!

Let's hope

that new kidney works.

(SIGHS) Boy, what a night!

NARRATOR:

Life in Uni Prefecture

returned to a comfortable

tranquility.

The Megasaki Dragons

ended their winning streak

with a staggering loss

to the Honda Goblins.

Doggy-Chop re-opened

all 11

of its domestic factories-

and Puppy-Snaps

resumed production

with an improved product.

Graft and political corruption

were reduced to sustainable,

acceptable levels.

The Dog-Flu serum

cured every breathing-animal

in the region.


(HOST SPEAKING JAPANESE ON TV)

NARRATOR: Some say

a few lost-dogs

continue to roam and scavenge

on Trash Island.


(SNEEZES)

However, these

rumors remain unconfirmed.


(HIROSHI SPEAKING JAPANESE)

SIMUL-TRANSLATE: (IN ENGLISH)

Mayor Atari,

we all agree

it should be a crime

to abuse, beat, m*rder

or yell at any dog

in Megasaki City.

That is not the question.

The question is:

what is the appropriate

punishment?

Exactly. And the answer is:

Death Penalty.

That seems excessive to us.

Possibly. Anyway,

we should make it

at least 30 days

community-service

and a fine

of no less than 250,000 yen.

Meeting adjourned.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

I'm standing-by, Master Atari.

NUTMEG: So how does it feel

to be a former stray?

Hmm. I take it

one day at a time.

Last week, I nearly be-handed

an industrial lobbyist

from West Suzuki.

They had to give him

a blood transfusion.

He probably had it coming.

(CHUCKLES)

Maybe. Learned any new tricks?

Actually, yes. Just one.

Can I see it?

I'm supposed to be juggling

ten bowling-pins

engulfed in flames

over my tail at this point,

but you just have to imagine

that part.

(CHUCKLES)

I can picture it.

You still against bringing

puppies into this world?

I'll tell you

when I get to know you better.

Fair enough.

My friends think

I like to fight,

but it's just not true.

Sometimes I lose my temper

and blow off a little steam,

but I've never enjoyed it.

I'm not a violent dog.

I don't know why I bite.

I'm not attracted

to tame animals.

Thank you.

(GONG RINGING)

(WIND CHIMES TINKLING)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(DRUMMING)

(SHOUTS)