01x04 - Banana Express

[bunniefuu]

Whoa! Uh, h-hey Jeff.

Martin, hey, come on in.

Just caught me in the
middle of something.

I actually started
putting together a handout

I'm planning to share
with some of the people

here in the colony.

You're welcome to take a few.

Something to drink?

Uh, no, thanks Jeff.

So, I see you're
pretty busy here,

but I actually have
a proposal for you.

Uh, a job.

A job?

Yeah, yeah, we had an opening
down in logistics, and, well,

I thought you'd
be perfect for it.

Oh, yeah. I just, uh...

I'm just thinking about
how that might slot in.

Now, are we talking about
full-time here, or just...?

Jesus Christ,
Jeff. What is that?

Oh, that's, ah,
"Jeff's Village."

If you look closely, you'll
see that each terrarium

is its own little ecosystem!

Ah, Jeff. f*ck.

I've just been so alone.

Well, at least you didn't get
into the labels again, right?

Totally, yeah. Of course not.

You know, as important as my
projects and research have been,

this is actually a good
time for me to press pause.

Get a change of perspective,
maybe a hair more structure.

And frankly, you never know
where inspiration might strike.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of inspiration down here.

Sluggo's full of inspiration.

So, "Sluggo", that's
an interesting name.

I'm not sure I've heard
it around these parts.

Jeff, meet Sluggo Buchinsky.

You're his assistant.

Alright, you two morons
take it from here.

Hello, Mr. Buchinsky.

It's a real pleasure to
make your acquaintance...

Shh. Quiet!

Okay, yeah.

'Nuf fun.

Suit up.

We pat this 'ere,
before we go out there.

Is fer luck.

'N ya need luck out there.

Pat. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Wow...

this is it.

Houston, we have a...

opposite of a problem.

'Nuf pissin'.

Let's get to work.

We movin' this pile from here...

to there.

Okay, I think I got
that, and, well,

forgive me if I'm
overreaching here,

but did Martin give you a
sense of why we're doing this?

From here to there. Ya got me?

From here.

To there.

Right.

Guess I won't be engaging
certain faculties

on this go-round.

But nothing wrong with that.

Good to give the old noggin
a rest from time to time.

Never know when you'll have to
be ready to leap back into...

action.

Uh,
Mr. Buchinsky?

A robot banana cart
just exited the colony

and went into a restricted cave.

Not our job.

Right. Yeah.

Well, it's just that,
what if there's, uh...

some kind of glitch and
there's a bunch of food

getting wasted and, uh... hoo!

Understood, sir.

Loud and clear.

Hey, Sluggo.

Howdy, Crystal.

And you're Jeff?

Yep. The new guy.

Just, uh, helping
Mr. Buchinsky

here do what he does best.

Right, Mr. Buchinsky?

Okay.

Just gonna grab a quick
baseline to start.

And then we'll take
a look at your skin.

Any weird health things
or ongoing issues?

Um, well, I guess my mouth
has been a little dry lately?

Uh, probably just
need more water.

I try to be a three-liters-a-day
guy and, uh...

y'know, I used to drink
a lot of milk, too.

I guess, I dunno,
maybe all kids do.

Though I did have a friend
who only drank goat milk.

His mother was, y'know,
very old... older woman.

Night, Crystal. Night, Jeff.

Oh, and, uh, a couple
weeks ago, I died.

Was that you?

I heard about that!

That was some really sick sh*t.

They totally forgot about
you, and you were stuck

in a tank choking
on your own feces.

I mean, what did that feel like?

Well, I, uh...

I wouldn't know. I was asleep.

Er, yeah, dead, actually.

Well, glad you're okay.

See you in a week to
check how you're doing.

Great. Yeah.

I will see you later...

doctor.

♪ Well, I been workin'
in a coal mine ♪

♪ Goin' down, down ♪

♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪

♪ Whew! About to slip down ♪

♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪

♪ Goin' down, down ♪

♪ Workin' in a coal mind ♪

♪ Whew! About to slip down ♪

♪ Five o'clock in the morning ♪

♪ I'm up before the sun ♪

g*dd*mn it!

♪ I'm too tired for havin' fun ♪

♪ I been workin'
in a coal mine ♪

♪ Goin' down, down ♪

♪ Workin' in a
coal mine, whew! ♪

Hmm...

E-Everything okay back there?

Just the handheld
scanner's a little finicky.

You know, I think I'm
gonna need to do some more

in-depth tests later this week.

Maybe you could come down
to the lab some evening?

Or we could even do it
at one of our places.

Sure! Yeah. I, uh...

I mean, of course I'll have to
check my calendar, but, uh...

no, that sounds good, and, uh...

I'll be in touch.

"My place"?

Oh, no. No, no, no!

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Oh!

Oh, oh! Oh, f*ck!

Oh, my God!

Okay. It's okay.
We can do this.

Hey! Sorry I'm late.

Some of the larvae
have been pupating,

and it's just a really
exciting moment.

Yeah, no, I haven't
been here long at all.

You going in?

After you, doctor.

Cool place.

Don't you have the
exact same one, Jeff?

Right, but yeah, mine's...
It's... it's on the other side,

so it's kind of a very
similar but just, uh...

Jeff, do you have
something in your pocket?

Yeah.

What is it?

It's... It's a funny
story, but, um...

So you really thought
it was a good idea

to come over here with
your finger in your pocket?

Well, it wasn't in my
pocket when I left.

But yeah.

And as far as I can see,

the cold air completely
cauterized the wound.

Now you just gotta make friends

with the guys down
in cybernetics.

Whoa.

A couple of months
ago, some idiot

stole all the
labels from the lab,

so our stuff got all mixed up,
acid spilled all over my thumb,

and anyway, it was pretty bad.

That's terrible.

So, no idea who took
those labels, huh?

Eh, it's okay.

Felt strange for like a week,
but now I don't even notice it.

Plus...

Can't draw Sir Spidington
with a regular thumb, can you?

That's pretty good.

All right, all right.

Where were we before you
started falling apart?

You know what?
Screw the tests.

You thirsty?

I mean, of course I
believe in nature, biology,

evolutionary game theory.

You know, material reality.

But then at the same time,
my job is deconstructing

everything under
microscopes all day.

And you see enough endlessly
algorithmically perfect fractals

and suddenly it's like, maybe
we are just bopping around

in some weird
Christian video game.

And, like, Jesus was actually
just one of the programmers

who made an avatar of himself
so he could enter the game

and warn us that if we
don't follow the rules,

our code-souls would get trapped

in an infinite loop
of t*rture, i.e. Hell.

And my ex was like, "You can't
believe both of those things."

I don't know why it bothers me.

He probably was just
trying to piss me off.

Okay, don't make
me sh*t-talk alone.

Let's hear about yours.

She's in brand partnerships
but also very interested

in social media...

and wellness, I guess.

I-I don't know.

Yeah, I'd say we could lose just
about every one of those people

and things would keep
humming along just fine.

But you... without
guys like you,

this place falls
apart overnight.

I mean, I move rocks.

I wish I could say I chose it,
but the truth is, it chose me.

Maybe sometime I can
come watch you and Sluggo

move some of those rocks.

Whoa, whoa, you come to the
rock pile, you gotta haul, baby!

You know...

You're fresh out
of a relationship.

I'm fresh out of a relationship.

What if we...

just used each
other for a rebound?

sh*t!

God damn it.

What is it with
these banana carts?

Mr. Buchinsky,
sorry... I'm... late.

It's just, I saw another one
of those banana carts and...

Oh!

Martin was down here earlier.

Made me look bad, my
assistant not being present.

Anyhow, get yer gear together.

We on rat-walk.

♪ The birds are sweetly singing,
the sun is shining bright ♪

♪ But in our place of torment,
it is as black as night ♪

♪ Our lamps, they burn a-dimly,
our food is nearly gone ♪

♪ Death wraps his cloak around,
so we'll be carried home ♪

Aww. Hey there, little fella.

You're not a rat.

Don't worry, buddy.

I won't let 'em turn
you into hog-chow

with the rest of these
dirty ol' things.

Oh, you're a smart
little guy, aren't you?

Look at you. I think
I'm gonna call you...

Socrates.

Jeff! Why you just let one go?

Oh, yeah sorry,
Mr. Buchinsky, but sir,

that wasn't actually a-a rat...

Oh!

Hey, 'scuse me? 'Scuse me.

Hey, can I get a
refill on the Prosecco?

Hey, you know what, let me
get a round for the table.

This stuff is juicy good.

f*ck' Ted.

Aah! Ow! Ow!

Aaaah!

Ow! Ow!

Teeeeeeeeed!

Stomp 'em! C'mon!
Don't just sit there.

Oh. Jeff.

No.

You look like you
could use a Malbec.

Jeff, what is this?

A full-bodied red...
Notes of dark fruit.

Slightly smoky finish.
This isn't a date.

I'm here to actually run tests.

Yeah.

Ready when you are, doc.

Look, we both needed a
rebound, and we had one.

And now that's over.
Like we discussed.

Right, no, yeah.

Totally. Let's, uh...

Let's do the tests.

So, random question... Have
you ever seen "Casablanca"?

Jeff, last night, when we,

you know, processed
our break-ups,

I chose to be honest with you,

and I think I owe that
to you now, as well.

I don't have room
for a relationship.

I only have room for work.

So, as I said before, this...?

Is not happening. Okay?

No, I-I-I know that.

Why would you think
I-I didn't know that?

Your outfit. The wine?

Yeah, well, this is how I
dress, and this is what I drink.

So deal with it.

I mean, I'm actually annoyed
we aren't working more.

Y'know, more tests, alright?

That's what I want! Thank you!

Okay. As long as you
understand my position.

Jaaaaax. What up?

Just seeing if you
wanted to swing by

for a little boys' night.

Why're'nt we being
hanging out more?

Dude, I... we should totally
hit up the gym tomorrow.

I mean, get shredded.

Just shred, shred, shr...

Oh, man.

Oh, boy.

Oh. Okay.

Anyways, I love you, bro.

I said it, I believe it.

You're f*cking cool.

Straight up. Okay.

Oh, sh*t.

My man, somebody's
ready to party.

Jax!

Let me guess...

Miss Brainiac had
a change of heart.

Her? Ah, sh...

Maybe. I don't... I mean,
who even f*cking cares?

That's my take on it
'cause...

She used me, man.

Of course she did.

She's a scientist.

The world's their petri
dish, and we're the lab rats.

Here.

Eat this whole thing,
then it's lights out.

And with the
colony's anniversary

right around the corner,
you know we're going to

celebrate in
style... Mars style.

Get all that broth down, too.

Folks, we're trying something
really crazy this year.

Not only will Falco be making
his first public appearance

since returning from the

Democratic Republic
of the Congo,

but we've been
brainstorming, and, well,

he came up with something
so far outside the box,

it's literally on
another planet.

The entire Marsiversary
event is going to be designed

on Mars.

We've got world-renowned
graphic designer,

Midori Yamamoto, on her
way there as we speak.

We're just so excited to
finally have some creative

graphic-design talent on Mars.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Oh, yeah, sure, Crystal, a
little "no strings attached"

sexual one-off, right.

Except for the part where
you told me about the summer

you spent, the magical
summer in South Carolina,

and you spooned
me half the night!

Yeah, "caj," Crystal.

Real "caj."

And, Martin, ohh, thank
you so much for the job.

f*cking around
with rocks and rats

and some weird
little punching man!

And sure, why don't we fly up

a new graphic designer
while we're at it.

f*ck!

Jeff! What
the hell you doin'?

Jeff! Jeff, where
the hell you goin'?

Get back here!

Whoa, what is this place?

Over the course
of the last several months,

this latest subject has been
exposed to approximately

300 hours of surface radiation.

Mostly while doing manual labor.

So, overall, he's a good
analog for the type of exposure

we'll experience during our
departure and building phases.

The subject shows
signs of degeneration,

increased confusion,
social impairment,

and, of course, physically,
but it's tricky to gauge

because his baseline readings
were already so below average.

Scroll back.

Is that the lighting or does
the boy possess no buttocks?

What the fu...?

Is that m... Oh! Aah!

Ah. Oh.

Martin, hey.

Hey.

I don't see any other
option for the young interloper.

Hey! Hello? Yeah, excuse me!

It's been about eight to 11
hours since my last meal.

And also, yeah, my jar
here, as you can see,

it's getting a bit full.

Haven't had anything to
drink, but, it's... it's

still coming out here,
so... Hey, come on!

Crystal. Crystal!

How long are you
gonna keep me in here?

You use me for sex, then
you trap me in a room?!

"Welcome to Mars, baby!"

However
gruesome it may seem,

and however much it may offend
our peaceful sensibilities.

I'm sorry, I don't
see any other option

for the young interloper...

Oh, God.

I mean, he's definitely
the most obnoxious person

I ever met in my life,
but he's not a bad guy.

But is anyone gonna
miss him? Really?

I think the word here
is "collateral damage."

All in favor?

Aye!

What?

Collateral damage?

Ow! Oh, God, no.

Whoa!

God, no.

It's over, Jeff.

I've buried myself alive!

Wait...

Socrates?

Help me, help me, Socrates.

Yeah, yeah, lead me to safety!

Right? You can do
that, can't ya, boy?

My little hero, my
tiny little hero.

Thank you. Thank
you, Socrates.

Yes, crawl towards
freedom. I'll follow you.

Aah! Oh!

- and in just a few months
time the entire colony will be

transformed into a celebration
of innovation and exploration.

That's right, Marsiversary,
folks, and you better

believe we'll be broadcasting...

every last second of... I'm
sorry, what is that sound?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

No, no, please.

Someone, please...
Please... please help me.

Aah!

Oh-hoo!

Now, Jeff, for both our
sakes, I really hope

you've got a good
explanation for this one.

A lot of us are very curious
as to what you were doing

climbing around in
unauthorized areas.

I, uh...

I don't know what
to tell ya, Darren.

I just follow the rats.

You know, this colony
may seem like a slick,

well-oiled machine.

"Nothing ever goes
wrong! It's too boring!"

I mean, that's what people
say around here, right?

But things do go wrong, Jeff.

Things go missing... food.

Supplies.

Labels.

I've seen evidence that suggests

possible criminal
activities, Jeff.

And I want to be super sure
that if you had any knowledge

of anything like that, you
would tell me about it.

Because if you didn't,
there could be some very,

very, very serious consequences.

I just follow the
rats, like I said.

Hey, um, since you're here,
I wanna run something by you.

What do you think?

Team's making some really
stellar progress, huh?

Is that the tank?

Ding, ding, ding! Correcto!

We good here?

Oh, of course, of course,
don't let me keep you.

Go! Go, get the
f*ck out of here!

Get out of here!

Ah.

So that's where all
the eclairs went.

Can I have one?

Half.

I heard Darren was
looking for you.

Did you talk to him?

Yep.

Did you tell him about...

you know?

No. I don't know.

Our little club.

Oh, that? No.

No, I did not tell
him about that.

Really?

Really.

Why?

Because I like you.

Okay. Even after...?

Even after you dumped me,
yeah, then planned to k*ll me.

Well, I didn't really
"dump you," Jeff.

But you did plan to k*ll me.

Well...

I wouldn't put it like
that, necessarily, but...

I could see how you might
have gotten that idea.

A dreamer is one who can
only find his way by moonlight...

His punishment?

He sees the dawn before
the rest of the world.

Join us, Jeffrey.

in the light of a new day.