01x02 - Cake

[bunniefuu]

[mysterious music plays]

So we're cursed.

- We are.

- What's the plan?

Well, the last time I was cursed

I don't freaking know!

- You're the goat of solving things.

- I am the greatest of all time.

No, like a goat goat.

When you get something,

you chew the hell out of it.

[Gloria] Not this time.

This is a group curse

and a group problem to fix.

Great, because I recently heard

about a local bruja,

who has a sizable following on TikTok

We're not solving this on TikTok, dummy.

Did you just call me dummy?

No. Demi, which sounds like dummy,

but TikTok is not a real resource.

We need a real plan to figure out a plan

to reverse this curse.

So, everyone, go home, get some sleep,

and be prepared to shoulder the burden

because I have too much on my plate.

Like what?

Um, cancer. My dad. He has it!

Love you. Bye.

And please take the box with you.

We already have enough bad juju here. Now

I gotta pee.

- Ines!

- [grunts]

- Oh my God.

- I know. We're all dummies.

Yes, but Tonio intercepted

the call for Dad.

Dad doesn't know he has cancer.

- sh*t.

- Yeah.

[sighs] How you gonna tell him?

[upbeat dance music plays]

Oh, I got it.

- No, I do. I'm better at pouring.

- No, you're a stingy pourer.

[all gasp]

What is going on with you two?

That's my favorite disappointed face

that you make. Can you make it again?

[camera clicking]

[sighs]

I'm gonna change.

Oh, do you need help?

No. No.

[door opens]

[door closes]

So should we talk about

a payment plan for your debt?

You forgave our debt last night.

That was the cancer shock talking.

And how dare you use my words against me

in a vulnerable moment?

- I just found out my brother has cancer

- Sh!

sh*t! He doesn't know

because I took the call and

Who and how are we gonna tell him?

Every day that he doesn't know

is a day he's not getting cured,

is a day he's not working

on his bucket list.

Is a day he's drinking sugary juice,

death liquid.

And a day that we're getting in trouble

for not telling him.

You know what happens

when he takes my phone away. I take yours.

We need to stop talking and start telling.

- Bye, Tonio!

- Let us know how it goes.

Hey ♪

No stat, no stat, no stat ♪

I love the girls,

but we both know Gloria called me dummy.

And I know

she's under a lot of stress right now,

but she should be leaning on me.

The afterlife is my domain.

Why do we have to groupthink it?

Or let Gloria dictate what we should do?

I mean,

it's like there's a building on fire,

and instead of

looking to the fire marshal,

you call in a dolphin trainer.

Am I being cruel to Andre?

You know, stringing him along?

I feel like

she's marginalizing my expertise.

Like,

even a YouTube-taught star witch knows

that in order to reverse the curse,

you have to know what kind of curse it is.

Not all curses are the same.

You've got, ugh, vendettas,

green-eyed monsters,

demon cats, possessions,

religion-based, land-based.

Oh my God, it's so much.

Yes, it's complicated.

It's a science, except harder

because it actually matters.

- We'll never figure it out.

- We might not.

- That's why we should leave it to Gloria.

- [Andre] Morning, power walkers.

Bye, Mom.

[woman] Okay, baby. Bye.

[scoffs]

Why so serious?

Uh

Hello? What?

The house is on fire,

and there's a dolphin emergency?

I'm sorry, guys.

I really gotta take this privately,

but I'll meet you at school, okay?

[sighs] There he goes.

Adding another brick

to his emotional wall.

It's definitely getting thick.

Right? I've been dying

to talk to someone about this.

You and Cam are close.

If he's pulling away from me,

how do I get through to him?

Maybe you try giving him space.

Set him free so he comes back to me.

I like.

But I think our problems run deeper.

- Can I confide in you?

- Uh-uh.

Oh God, I'm under such a Cam spell.

It can only be broken

with a true love's kiss,

which I'll never get

'cause I'm not his true love.

We're working through it. I need to get

him over that person he's hung up on.

Oh, that.

Yeah. It's complicated.

- But what did he tell you?

- [Andre] Not much.

Basically, he's still stuck on someone BA.

Before Andre. I think they still talk.

Oh, I know who it is.

Of course you do. You're his bestie.

God, I just feel so awful for him.

Why?

Because that person scarred him.

And now he can't trust anyone, i.e. me.

I mean, can you imagine? I trust everyone.

Scarred?

Maybe I don't know who it is.

Well, who the hell is it?

And why don't I know?

Well, if you ever find out,

don't tell me because I will poison them.

It finally hit me

that Gloria isn't gonna empower me

because, on some level,

she doesn't trust me,

and she doesn't trust me

because I'm not direct enough.

I don't self-advocate.

Very insightful.

- Do you trust me?

- You're my emergency contact.

Would you tell me

if you were scarred by someone?

Because scars only heal

with vitamin E and talking.

He can't tell. He'll never tell.

I'm gonna have to do it for him.

- What are you doing?

- Apparently, everything. Again.

What about Lucia? It'll be a twofer.

She'll tell him,

and then he dumps her for telling him.

- So smart.

- Well done, Gloria. You did it again.

Uh, what did you do?

Oh, is Lucia code for the curse?

She is a curse.

We're talking curse.

Advocate! Now's the time!

Gloria! I would like to take

more of a leadership position

to help the cause, as I do feel like

I have the most experience.

You know, it's pretty accurate.

You are naturally depressing.

And our dad already hates you.

- Your dad hates me?

- Maybe it should be Cam.

He can't even break up with Andre.

We need more options. Let's go, Ines.

I do my best thinking when I'm walking.

The toilet's your think tank.

Which is why

we're walking towards the bathroom!

I can't believe

she completely dismissed me.

She doesn't get to dismiss me.

That's bullshit. I dismiss her.

I I think she might've been

talking about her dad's cancer.

She's not. She's dismissing me.

So we're dividing and conquering.

And we're gonna conquer and/or divide

to figure out this curse and reverse it.

That sounded great!

What does it mean?

We need more information.

We need to find our ghost's obit.

It's gonna tell us everything!

It says nothing. The obit is garbage.

I know. All we know

is that her name was Marisol Martinez.

She had no surviving family,

except her son and his family,

and was loved, blah blah blah blah.

She was loved and had a lot of lovers.

- Like you?

- Like me?

I can't assume that I know everything.

So I assume you've had your share.

I'm only 15.

And how are we defining lovers?

I mean, does Mr. Waffles count?

What are you doing with Mr. Waffles?

Loving him.

Jesus, I do not touch my dog

except in normal petting ways

and the occasional mouth kiss,

but the peanut butter stays on the spoon.

I already knew all that.

So I know everything.

- Ugh, no, you don't.

- But I should.

Just in case

I have to write your obituary one day.

You don't need to include lovers.

And actually, isn't it weird that

they included that about the old lady?

Cam, why are you holding back?

I know there's something

you're not telling me.

Of course there is.

I mean, there's more than one thing.

Well, that's not fair!

I tell you everything!

Which I never asked for.

I mean, there are things

I wish you never told me.

Like what?

I'll never tell.

[phone ringing]

Hey, what's the word?

Is your cousin

still doing singing telegrams?

- Not after he spread all that Covid.

- [Gloria] Damn it.

We found the ghost's obit,

and it confirmed that the old lady we saw

is not alive. She's dead.

[Gloria] Yeah, we know.

This is not new information.

That's what that yard sale lady told us.

What else?

We're, um, heading

to the ghost family's house right now

to interrogate them and get more info

on the dead lady/ghost.

[Gloria] Whatever.

[video game playing]

I gotta go.

[dial tone]

Did you tell Dad he has cancer yet?

- No.

- [Gloria] Of course.

Because in typical fashion,

you "Tonio-ed" the situation

and put it on me.

But this is on you.

You intercepted the call.

On your behalf.

- Besides the point.

- I'll handle it.

- Really?

- [Tonio] Yeah.

Way ahead of you.

Plan's already in motion.

[man] Pizza boat?

- [Gloria screams]

- Oh! Uh

What the hell is he doing here?

This is Tonio's assistant.

Assistant for what? You don't have a job.

You don't need to have a job

to have an assistant.

- I'm Rusty.

- Oh, we already know each other.

[woman] She's gonna do it!

She's really gonna do it!

Ten more seconds!

- Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

- [Gloria grunting]

[screams]

Oh!

Pass it back.

Sorry, I don't remember.

It just happened.

Today!

My God, you are such a

[sighs] Wait.

You didn't give my uncle

your social security number, did you?

Not yet.

Well, don't.

That's no way to treat

the person who built your credit.

I'm not paying him. You are.

You're paying Rusty until we're settled up

with what you owe me.

This is ridiculous. Rusty's gotta go.

Fine. Then he can't tell your dad

he has cancer.

What's the plan?

Oh, don't go all Gloria on me.

I don't answer to you or her.

We've been standing here for ten minutes,

okay. So I'm just wondering if

If I have a plan? Yes, I have one.

Can you share it?

I don't know.

Might be a secret

since I apparently share too many.

Maybe it's time

to keep some in my own vault.

Right on schedule.

Now what?

Bum-rush 'em!

- They're bum-rushing us!

- What?

[screams]

- What do you want?

- Information.

Wait a minute. You're that kid

that came looking for Marisol.

- Yes.

- What do you want with my mom?

We're just trying to figure out

why she's haunting us.

This is nonsense.

I have ice cream to put in the fridge.

You've seen her too?

I thought I saw her a few times.

In the backyard.

Outside my bedroom window.

At the Tommy's drive-through!

What have you seen?

Just her. She wants her box back.

But before we give it back,

we need information about it

because she cursed us.

Don't wanna give the box back,

but keep the curse, you know?

What box?

Uh, I bought it at your yard sale.

It had the initials MM on it

Geny! Did you sell my mother's box?

I told you not to sell it!

Mm-mm, no. No tengo tiempo.

If my mom says

that she wants the box back,

then I should take it.

I'll give you a refund.

Uh, well, not to be an as*h*le,

but you're not your mom.

So giving it to you

negates giving it back to her.

We don't want it back.

You can keep the box and the curse.

Geny! This is no longer

your business or concern.

You can't talk to me like that.

- [man] I asked you not to sell!

- [Geny] Do you hear yourself?

- You sound insane!

- [man] It's the one thing! The one thing!

Sidebar, now!

He's an as*h*le,

and the as*h*le's not telling Dad.

He doesn't even know Dad.

Which is exactly why

he's the perfect person for the job.

There's no emotional baggage.

He'll just get it done.

Get it done? This is gonna be devastating.

It has to be done

with the utmost care and decency,

which this kid has none of.

This guy is callous, selfish,

has zero EQ, and terrible aim.

I'm really confused by this job.

Am I being fired?

Because I haven't really started yet.

- No!

- Yes!

- Still not clear.

- Read the room, Rusty.

I'm trying to.

Stay there.

My pull-aside with you isn't done yet.

Slow your roll, sis.

You are messing up a prime opportunity.

That smooth brain telling Dad

isn't a prime opportunity.

I'm not talking about Dad.

I'm talking about me.

Rusty.

Oh.

You're ruining my chance

to date an upperclassman.

I'm pretty sure he hangs out with Eddie,

and Eddie throws the best parties.

Can we finish? I have to take a dump.

Ew.

- Stay put. We're not done yet.

- [door opens, closes]

- What do you want?

- I have a plan to reverse the curse.

sh*t!

I've been so consumed with the cancer,

I forgot about the curse.

In my room.

Everyone else, stay in your positions.

I'll be right back.

- What do you got?

- Excuse me?

I am not gonna walk you through

all the details of Operation Bum-Rush

if you're not gonna take

a respectful tone with me.

You haven't spent one minute

helping with the curse today,

which you don't really need to

because this is my world and wheelhouse

and I'm not an irresponsible asshat

like your sister, okay?

Yes. I love this color on you,

and I give you full responsibility

and authority

to lead us out of the darkness

and into the light,

especially given all that's going on

outside that door now.

So what's next? What do we need to do?

A leave-out ceremony.

That's not a real thing.

Are you seriously questioning me

right now?

It's basic ghost knowledge.

You can't just throw sh*t up in the air.

Ghosts don't catch.

It all makes sense. What's the ceremony?

So, I verified directly

with the ghost's family

that the box was important to the ghost,

and we need to give it back.

We do the leave-out ceremony

because, as I said, ghosts don't catch,

and we have a curse.

So the ceremony protects us

from giving back the box

but keeping the curse.

And before you ask,

the answer is basic curse knowledge.

Actually, it's more

intermediate curse knowledge,

but I'm dumbing it down in layman's terms,

so it's basically basic.

Hm.

Great. Let's do the ceremony.

Get Cam and the box.

Done.

- What'd Gloria say?

- Come over.

- We're gonna do a leave-out ceremony.

- Leave me out.

- Plus, it's not a thing.

- [Demi] Yes, it is.

- Bring the box.

- [Cam] I don't have it. You do.

- I do?

- [Cam] Yeah.

Gloria said to take it last night,

and I didn't, which means you did.

Right. Yes, I definitely took the box.

- [Cam] Cool, see you soon.

- [dial tone]

I just don't remember,

so it's probably somewhere still in here.

[phone buzzes]

You have it.

Always, since birth.

I've always had the it factor,

but that's not why I'm calling.

I have important info

about what we were talking about.

[Demi] You know who scarred Cam?

[Andre] No. That's your job to figure out.

But when you do, I've decided I'm open.

I think I can handle knowing who it is.

Sorry, I can't talk right now.

I have box problems.

Ew. Can't help with that. Bye!

[dial tone]

[sighs]

Where are you, box?

I don't know, Demi.

A pre-leave-out ceremony?

Yes.

In my excitement about the leave-out,

I forgot about the starter step.

It's gonna help us

cleanse all the bad juju we carry

so the ghost feels safe.

The ghost has feelings?

- Of course.

- How long does the cleansing take?

It's gonna be, like, 24,

maybe 48 hours

for me to find the

wisdom that we'll need

to feel safe before leaving out the box.

It's all under the heading

of advanced curse knowledge,

which I teeter on having.

I'm still firmly intermediary.

Okay, what do we do first?

We unload secrets,

preferably deep, dark ones, like

I don't know.

Like, why your dad

might hate one of your closest friends,

or if you were in love and then scarred

and afraid to love again,

confessing who did that to you.

- Cam, you go first.

- No. I'll start.

I accidentally

almost k*lled my pet hamster.

Okay, it wasn't my hamster. It was Gloria.

Mm. Thank you for sharing. Cam?

Uh, yeah. I actually do have a tragic tale

of rejection that nobody knows about.

Yes, keep talking.

- [dad] Gloria

- Not now, Javi!

It's time for everyone to go home.

[Demi] Sorry, Mr. Salazar.

- I didn't mean any disrespect.

- Good night.

We really need to have a talk

about the company you keep.

Yeah, a hard talk is definitely in order

for the both of us.

Okay [in Spanish]

my daughter.

[in English] I'm all ears.

What do you wanna tell me?

Daddy, you ha

It's okay. Get it out.

[hyperventilating]

Tonio intercepted a call,

and it was to tell you, y

[hyperventilates]

- Take your time.

- [Gloria grunts]

Maybe with water.

Yeah.

Be right back.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, what's up with the cake?

- Dad's favorite. Mexican chocolate.

- Rusty picked it up.

Oh, this is genius,

and just in the nick of time,

'cause I was starting to lose it out there

having to tell him by myself.

But now I don't have to,

because we'll tell him together

after he eats his favorite cake.

Or with it.

This is messed up.

We've gotten so caught up

in the task of telling him

that we completely lost sight

of the fact that he's sick.

Our dad is sick, and not with a minor cold

but with major cancer.

[Rusty] No one should be in your shoes.

Or his.

It's just a cruel irony that he now

has cancer after losing his wife to it.

- Seriously. What a challenge to be

- Left alone.

To raise two little girls on his own.

That man is a hero.

He's my hero.

See? I bet you were carrying

the weight of the world in worry,

wondering how you'll recover

if something happens to him.

And I'm so sorry

you're going through this, Gloria.

Me too.

Thank you for saying what you said

and seeing what I'm feeling.

Yeah.

I'm really overwhelmed.

As anyone would be.

Sorry. I've been such a b*tch.

I was wrong.

You should definitely be the one

to tell my dad he has cancer.

Don't have to.

You just did.

- [Dad] Mm. Thank you.

- [Gloria] Is this your third helping?

No judgment.

I'm the one with cancer. Remember?

Too soon.

So, how long have you known?

- A month, give or take a week or two.

- [Gloria] And you didn't think to tell us?

I didn't wanna worry you.

Look, the doctor said

it was slow growing and not aggressive.

It's gonna be fine.

But I do have one important question

that begs an answer.

Who are you?

[Demi] "I'm a dummy, a disaster."

"I can't remember where I left the box."

"Don't k*ll me

because the ghost will do it first

when she comes for the box!"

- Exclamation or no exclamation?

- [phone buzzing]

[sighs]

- Glo, I have bad news.

- [Gloria] Me first, 'cause mine's good.

My dad's cancer's not fatal,

so we're not cursed.

We don't have to undo anything anymore.

Yay!

[Gloria] Thanks for bearing the load today

while I was distracted.

I appreciate how responsible you are.

And I appreciate your appreciation.

- Good night.

- [Demi] Night.

[dial tone]

Delete.

Hey.

Did you, uh, hear about

the cancer and the curse?

- She called you first?

- [Cam] Of course.

Did you get robbed?

I was looking for something

that I suddenly don't need to find.

- I'll clean it up.

- Good, because this is so not you.

[Demi] How do you know? Maybe it is.

Maybe it's a secret me

that you don't know,

because you think

you know everything, but you don't.

Wait.

I don't know that you're secretly messy?

[scoffs]

Are you really gonna make me

talk about my feelings right now?

Ah. Okay. Now you're pretending

like you don't care, but you do care.

Oh, why do you have to beat me down

like this? Okay. Okay. Okay.

Look. I know that that you wanna know

all my secrets, and the truth is, you do.

You know all the secrets

that I'm willing to share.

But there are some that are in a vault,

where I feel comfortable keeping them.

And it's not a reflection of you.

It's about me.

Even though it's important

for you to tell me everything about you

and for you to know

everything about me, I'm not you.

I'm honored you shared so much with me.

- I know that was hard for you.

- [Cam] It was.

Yeah, but I'm also questioning

how old those Hot Pockets were

that I had before coming over.

Can I lay down? Thanks.

[sighs]

No, I should probably go home.

I'm sorry. I was so selfish

to insist on knowing everything.

Sometimes I just feel like

an afterthought to our friends,

and I I get sensitive

and maybe jealous.

[sighs] Okay, definitely jealous

at the idea

that somebody knows you better than me.

And that there are

secrets between us.

No one knows me better than you.

And no one cares about you more than me.

No. No. No. No crying.

I can't I can't handle it.

I can't handle the crying.

Fine. Fine. One question, Demi.

You get one question.

Just one to ask,

whatever it is that you wanna ask

that you think you don't know,

but only because you're crying,

and no discussion or follow-up.

You think Mr. Martin's got

a full head of hair under his hat?

No. No way. It's a skullet.

But that's not the question

that you wanna ask.

[sighs]

Fine. Andre said you were hung up

on someone that scarred you.

Who?

You.

- [Gloria] No real cancer.

- [Ines] And no real curse.

- I'm so happy.

- Me too.

I can't believe Demi got us

to believe that stupid box was cursed.

[both laugh]

Let's get these great minds to bed.

We have a curse-free day to conquer.

Ten more minutes.

[TV playing]

- Okay.

- Yes!

[chuckles] Ines.

[whispers] Yep, there we go.

[wind blowing]

[thunder rumbles]

[thunder crashes]

[panting]

If you think that you can save me ♪

Try to stop this madness ♪

Try to stop this madness ♪

Here's your chance to do some damage ♪

Savage ♪

Be careful who you trust ♪