01x02 - Jim Beam Kentucky Straight Bourbon

[bunniefuu]

people

across the world consume liquor

a small percentage of those

fall into that category of excess

but whether you

drink a little or you drink a lot

every drop of liquor

tells a different story

when you're down and troubled

and you need

a helping hand just

light a little candle in

the dark was

another one of my exciting looking

stories

good night I'm going to tell you about

the first drink that I ever had

of alcohol I was


people with

a f*cking drink I can get here I'm

going to save that for later can I

get a drinking pool here

I'm

not going to be another

story Confederate

Army attacks aliens

from outer space anyway

I'm going to take break this over now and

I want to just for that this is

Jim Beam this is an incredible

alcohol this Suburban

you can't be bourbon unless you

USA because of you in the good

old USA bank 2 years

you got a in

Kentucky surprise Kentucky

is a place for the bourbon baby

cuz I could use a place for me as

a ground water is sweet and clear

hope they don't do any fracking there

anyway you know what I meant guess

what the

four rules for drinking bourbon number

one number one

see how dark that is

you can see how dark

it is better

for bourbon

you check the nose

you don't have to be you know flippy floppy

about it you just got

to keep your eyes open because if you don't you'll burn

your nasal Knockerz rule

number three and this is something you're

going to bring me up to it I'm going to teach

you something to compare all your

friends and neighbors it's called the Kentucky

to hear what you do is you

put you don't like this

anyway so

that all the different parts of your most from

your neck to your testicles down

your pancreatic necrosis that's

how you do the Kentucky show

and then in the last step of all

is

USS to finish this incredible

this is a most wonderful

thing and yes and Jacob


the first hears you

score Baker Jean

are you

going to do when you smell like

any or I was telling you the first

drink ever had was 9 years old and

I have my own when I was


and I put all of my own

Red Rock and took

the red walker wagon and right now tricks

and sh*t and I was doing stuff like I have

my own lawn care business Grade 9

no, Greg Street and

I put up a Pity show star on the bulletin

board and it

was a wrong characters in mrs.

Kim when she was in my grade CT Walker

like so sexy she had

one of them series on it like you couldn't see a lot

but you can I have

my first wet dream

she's may I have my first knock turn

all Mitten to Mission

anyway she saw me poster and

she said Jimmy she like

to call me Jimmy

she said if you clean up my garage and

take away the bottle you can have all

the money from the bottles I would have done it for nothing

she is not

a happy ending

I like what I took all the bottles and I

was talking to my boy Rocko bagging and

I passed you miss Cameron's house and

didn't even see me about the c*ck sucker

come out and punch me in the head and it's

to my ba*ls off the ground in my man

walking down

to 95 degrees heat and Blaze

and Son of a June day and amazing

as far as the Old Mill Pond Road Broad

Brook apartments near Falcon

sweat and I just

started draining them ba*ls in a little bit

here a

little bit here and there was a little

bit of pop and it was a little bit

of fruit juice it taste of sh*t I

remember blue mold on Blue mode

that's probably my problem anyway

she wasn't answering her

so someone that giving

her a bottle of mg Ambien

and she didn't drink it was still an open

I knew I shouldn't be drinking alcohol cuz

there's for adults and ship

and I know it tastes terrible

Czar pinch your little nose and shot

like a stupid Ed

search for Skyfall

found me and drag me home and

next day in the paper that big

picture of her saying that she

was getting on

my nerves Chick-fil-A

and I'm sorry misses camera

anyway

what's the moral of the story

if the whole can of dark

do you need a g*ng signing

off