Oh, okay,
I'll let them know.
Okay, can you see there.
Hey! Hey!
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Same as always.
Please? Yes, of course.
You're the best. So thank you.
You having a good day so
far? Yeah, it's all right.
Oh! Oh!
I got it. Fair enough.
Here you go.
Thanks. What do I owe you?
Uh, $5.50.
I think that's it.
It's it.
Go ahead, just keep it.
Stop.
Really?
Yeah, why not?
Thank you.
Anytime.
Okay.
Well, take care.
Okay.
Bye.
Have a good day.
Bye.
Don't.
Look at your legs.
I have no idea.
What, on what?
What are we supposed to do with practice?
Practice.
Practice, practice, you know?
You guys could come with me in Hawaii.
I wish!
Hey, welcome back.
What can I get for you?
Could I get a hazelnut
latte with oat milk, please?
That'll be $5.50.
Thanks.
It's saying declined.
Do you have another card?
That can't be right.
Can you try it again?
Sure, no problem.
Still saying declined.
sh*t.
You know what?
I actually think I overcharged you the
other day, so it's on the house.
Thank you.
Of course.
Hazelnut oatmilk latte.
I'm Logan.
What's your name?
Riley.
Nice to meet you, officially.
Hey, have you ever been to
any of the Tiki bar nights?
It's every night at 7
o'clock, if you're interested.
I mean, there's no
invitation or anything.
It's kind of like an unofficial hangout.
What you reading?
All the light we cannot see.
Hmm, sounds interesting.
Are you liking it?
It's not bad.
So how long have you been surfing?
Is this gonna be some 20 question
examination of my life, or do you think
I'll actually get to read in peace?
Sorry, I just thought that
when you sat down that you...
I would what? Want to engage in meaningless
pleasantries that won't amount to any
deeper understanding of me or you.
What?
Nothing, nothing.
I was just wondering if you came up with
that or if it came from your book.
All me.
Well, color me impressed.
That was quick and witty.
Happy to oblige.
I didn't offend you, did I?
Nope.
Are you sure?
Because it seems as though that...
Like what?
That I don't want to talk?
Maybe that's because
I don't want to talk.
You offered me a chair and I took the
chair because there were no other chairs.
I came here to get a coffee and read in
peace, but if you're so determined to
have a conversation, then
I have a question for you.
All right, let's hear it.
Why did you leave the gym
so quickly earlier today?
Um.
Um.
I'm sorry I bothered you.
Table's yours.
So, what's up with your arm?
All right, let's grab our
boards and get in the water.
Looks perfect in there. Let's go!
It's every night at seven
o'clock, if you're interested.
Hey stranger, you're here.
We're about to do
some shots, you want one?
I'm not gonna stay long,
I just stopped to say hi.
I'm gonna grab some food to go.
Well, we're glad that you did.
What can I get you today?
Can I have a gin and tonic please?
Any particular brand?
You know what?
Surprise me.
Hey.
Hey.
What's up with you
being shy all of a sudden?
What's up with you being
chatty all the sudden?
You know...
Gin and tonic, let me know what you think.
Perfect, thank you much.
There we go.
Hey, there they are.
Thanks!
Nice.
Do you want to do one?
We got some extras.
Oh, no, she can't
She said she has to go.
No, I will.
Well, all right.
Yeah.
All right, get home safe.
I will see you tomorrow.
Be there.
I don't want to hear
anything about being hungover.
Hey, how you doing?
Well, well, well, look who it is.
The mysterious surfer.
What exactly makes me so mysterious?
Are you kidding?
You are shrouded in mystery.
Come on, you're the one who
doesn't want to talk to anyone.
Yeah, but there's no mystery there.
I don't want to know anyone.
You, on the other hand,
want to know everyone.
You just don't want anyone to know you.
Not really, at least.
Yeah?
What makes you so sure of that?
Because I think maybe we are.
Everything come out all right?
This is why I don't drink.
Hey, who told you you could eat my fries?
Yeah, you know what?
It's probably a good idea that you get
something in your system.
I'm sure this too
shall come back up.
Hey, it looks like he's
trying to close up shop.
We should probably get going.
Do you want me to walk you home?
I'm perfectly capable of walking myself.
Come on.
Hey.
Come on.
Hey, Jay, we're taking off.
Have a great night.
Walk safe, y'all.
Hey.
I thought I said I didn't need any help.
No, this is for my protection.
We're in a shady area,
and you're just so tough.
You do make a solid point.
I am very tough.
Um, remind me, which one is you?
Wait, you're kidding.
That's where I'm staying.
It doesn't take
Sherlock to figure that out.
What does that mean?
You're in the same gym.
I figured you were staying
there or lived there, too.
Okay.
Walk me back.
Okay?
Of course.
Yeah.
sh*t.
What?
The fries are coming back up.
Better?
Much better.
I just need to get something to drink.
I don't think that's such a good idea...
I meant water.
I'm done drinking for the night.
Do you want anything?
Uh, water sounds great, actually.
Thanks.
Here.
What?
What?
I can tell you want to ask me
something, so just get it out.
Um...
What's with the giant pile of clothes?
You've never seen clothes before?
No, of course I've seen clothes before,
but I mean, yours all
still have the tags on them.
Well, I had to buy a bunch of stuff
because I didn't know what would fit.
Why?
Why what?
Well, you said you had to
buy a bunch of new clothes.
I was just wondering why.
Here.
Thanks.
So what's up with your arm?
Um, nerve damage from
a surgery that I had.
On your hand?
Um, no my shoulder.
Small world.
What do you mean?
I had surgery too on my
shoulder after an accident.
Mine's on the right.
Left.
Is that why you were
struggling in the gym the other day?
Um, yeah.
Yeah, it comes in and goes.
The pain.
Some days are good, some days are bad.
How bad?
Like I can't function, you know?
If I sleep on it wrong or if I lift
something a little too
heavy, my day's over.
The pain just kind of lives with me now.
So that I can really do about it.
You know, stretching, heat, ice.
None of it helps.
It just hurts until it
doesn't want to hurt anymore.
I used to be smaller, thinner.
I was a dancer.
That's why I have all these clothes.
Because my body is constantly changing
and I don't know what to do about it.
My whole life I was the same size.
I didn't have to worry
about how anything would fit.
But now, every time I
look in the mirror...
You don't like what you see?
Yeah.
As easy as it was before, it's just
absolutely impossible to now.
Yeah.
And people want to say that the scars and
the pain should be reminders that you're
still alive, but they don't get it.
It isn't a reminder that we're still
alive. It's more like a reminder.
How hard it is to keep living.
I didn't have surgery because of an
accident or an injury.
I have cancer.
I had cancer?
Uh...
The fun part about cancer is not really
knowing what's going on until they do all
of these tests on you.
They hook you up to a thousand machines
and just expect you to
wait for the results.
Just go home and wait.
As if you can go back to living your life
in any sort of normal way.
Not knowing whether you're going to make
it to the next year or month.
Or week.
Just go home and wait.
You know, you'd think going to the
appointments would help
set your mind at ease, but...
That's where you get the looks,
the questions, the stares.
You know, I guess that's what happens
when you're a 29-year-old man who walks
into a mammogram clinic,
and everyone there wonders if you're
there for your wife or your mother.
You have to tell them that you're there
for yourself because, yes,
men too can get breast cancer.
The doctors will tell you how rare and
interesting your case is,
how fascinating your file is,
and how students will observe your
surgery, about how you'll
be in some medical journal.
I thought the surgery was
going to be the end of it.
I thought it was going to fix me.
I thought I had crossed the finish line.
I had no idea that it
was just the beginning.
Of all the pain, the
nerve damage in my shoulder,
and the clothes not fitting right,
frustration turning
into anger, people staring.
You know, you don't become numb to it
like you think, or you
would hope would happen.
You just become more aware of
this giant scar in your chest.
Waking up in so much pain,
and you don't know what to do,
I'm just so angry all the time.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
So I smile, and I laugh.
Because I'm afraid
that if I stop, I just...
You fell asleep.
I fell asleep.
Um, did anything happen?
No.
Okay, good.
You pretty much passed out
when I brought you up here.
Nothing else?
No.
Well...
I mean, you did throw up, but
that's about it.
So, um...
Do you want to get some
breakfast or something?
sh*t.
What?
sh*t.
What is it?
Class starts in 30 minutes.
Um, sh**t. I don't have my wetsuit.
Um, you know what? I'm gonna go down.
I'll see you down there, okay?
Alright! Let's get in!
Grab your boards.
Woo woo woo woo!
Catch my breath this morning, hold on.
Rought night?
Yeah. You can say that.
You good to get in?
Yeah, just let me, uh,
catch my breath first.
Yeah, take your time.
Hey, um, did, uh, did
Riley come down yet?
Uh, no. She texted me.
Said she's not coming, not feeling well.
What?
What?
Come on.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, why didn't you come to class?
Um, you left your phone here.
Hmm?
Oh.
Thanks.
So, uh, why weren't you down...
I got a bunch of stuff I gotta get done,
so, you don't need anything else?
Why didn't you come to class today?
I, um...
I didn't want to get into it again.
In to what?
Wait, were you awake?
Not the whole time.
I mean, I was in and out of it, but, uh,
I heard enough to
understand what's going on with you.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
So you understand me.
What?
Let me get this straight.
You think because you hear
bits and pieces of a story,
you get what I'm going through.
That's not what I'm...
No, no, no, no. You
make the executive decision
to take everything
that I said last night,
throw it away, and ignore me.
Logan.
I don't get it.
You ignore me, and
then you press me to talk.
Then you ignore me again, and you pretend
like last night didn't even happen.
Logan, that's not what I...
Riley, you know what?
Someday, you're gonna be hurting.
Hurting in a way that
you never have before.
And you're gonna want someone there.
Someone to talk to, somebody to vent to,
somebody who isn't gonna
try and fix you or judge you.
Somebody who's gonna
sit on that couch with you
and finally allow you to open up.
Wow. Okay.
If you're gonna be a
self-centered as*h*le,
then you can just leave
because you know nothing about me.
You're right. I don't
know anything about you.
I thought I did, but clearly I was wrong.
Silly me.
Logan.
Hey. Long time no see. How are you?
Fine. Um, can I just get a
hazelnut latte with oat milk?
How'd you know?
It's what I do.
That'll be $5.50.
Um, it's saying declined.
Come on, I just paid it.
This is so embarrassing.
No worries. It happens all the time.
These cards can be so unreliable.
Good enough for me.
This stuff is so overpriced anyway.
Thank you.
Again.
You're welcome.
Have a good day.
Yeah.
You too.
Thanks.
Hey again.
Hi.
I saw you out here and, um,
I thought I'd give you this.
I found journaling really helped me when
I was going through some tough things and
I thought it might help you too.
Unless you already have one or hate it.
No, I don't have one or hate it.
Uh, how much is it?
Um, I'll pay you when...
Oh, no. Don't worry about that.
I can't keep taking things for
free or at a discounted rate.
It isn't free or discounted.
It's a gift from me to you.
Why?
Because I've seen that look before.
That look where you
feel lost, hurt, in pain.
Yeah?
Yeah.
It sucks.
I hate how I act and I... I just don't
know how to filter it out anymore.
Filter what?
Hating myself.
What my life has become.
Look, I don't know much, but I have
watched you come in and out of this
coffee shop every day for a week.
And never once have you
been mean or rude to me.
You're always kind and polite and overly
apologetic about everything.
The point is it isn't a constant.
You being mean or rude.
But you wear the pain of what you're
going through like a suit of armor.
And I don't know much, but I do know that
isn't a way to live your life.
It's just a way to run from it.
Maybe it's time you let somebody in?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Where have you seen it?
The what?
The look.
Every time I look in the mirror.
Hey, Logan. How's it going?
You need a hand with anything?
No, you talking is good enough. It's
going to get me jump
started for today's insanity.
Is it busy in here every day?
During the summer bro,
yeah. Every single day.
Yeah, I guess people love their tropical
drinks and tasty food, huh?
Yeah, sometimes a little too much, huh?
Let me ask you something.
What is your favorite and least favorite
thing about working here?
Hmm. It's a good one.
It's a tough one, too.
Well, being in all this place is great.
It saved me, honestly.
But the drunken out of towners
sometimes that's just a little too much.
Yeah, I'll bet. Us non-local suck, huh?
I didn't mean it like that. Come on, now.
I think that it's not universal.
Some of y'all are pretty great, huh?
Umm...
Hey, Jay. What did you mean when you said
this place saved you?
Um... I was a complete
mess before... I mean, I
still am a mess, but I'm now a more
productive member of society.
Yeah, it's okay. You can ask.
Ask what?
Why I was a mess.
Oh, no. I don't mean to pry.
Listen man, it's not prying.
Okay. Why were you a mess?
My son died.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
Yeah. Me, too.
How old was he?
Five.
f*ck.
Yeah. That's what I thought too.
If you don't mind me asking. What happened?
Jamal. Jamal loved pancakes, right?
Like loved them. I
really like pancakes, but
Jamal loved pancakes.
And it was a Saturday morning, and he
wanted pancakes, right? But we didn't
have the ingredients.
So my wife and I packed him into the
car, and we drove on down to Petey's
which is a little mom-and-pop shop.
But they're known for the best pancakes.
I've driven down this road a thousand
times for work, and, you know, with the
same signs and houses and yards.
But for some reason, on this day, I
didn't stop at the last
intersection before the diner.
The car hit us at 60 miles an hour.
The doctors said that
at least at the hospital.
And when I woke, I remember just calling out
to Jamal. My wife, Cheryl. And I only saw her
I... only saw her sitting
in the corner crying.
I hated myself for a really long time.
A really long time.
I felt so ashamed at the fact that I took
our pretty quiet little life for granted.
I...
I...
I was here, and he wasn't.
Honestly, man, I was just wanted to die.
I just wanted to die.
But it took a really long time of work
and healing for me to see it differently.
How do you see it now?
Well...
I'm here, and he hasn't.
And as much as that
sucks, that's the reality.
I'm here, he isn't.
And as much as I want to see him again,
as much as I want to hear him laugh,
talk to him, make him pancakes.
I can't...
I cannot.
So when I see others are going through
it, I just want to reach out.
And tell them.
Tell them what?
It'll get better.
Hey.
Hey, Riley,
Hey.
Can we talk?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah.
A journal? Is this new, or is this
something you've been doing?
Something that is none of your business.
I didn't mean that.
Why do you always fight me on everything?
I don't. I just...
Do?
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to hurt you or anyone else.
I hate being angry all
the time. It isn't fun.
I take it that this is a new development
since your accident.
Yeah.
Easier to push people away
than let them in, sort of thing.
It's just safer to do that than to live
in fear of what people might actually see
or think once they get to know me.
What happened, Riley? Your accident.
Okay. We don't have to
talk about it. It's fine.
It's okay. We can talk
about something else.
Or we could just chill.
Maybe we could have a little bit of fun.
Think you've got time for some fun?
What do you have in mind?
I have an idea.
Umm, okay.
Yeah. Just wait right here, okay?
Where are you going?
Be right back. I promise.
Give me a second.
What's this?
Lunch.
How you doing?
Okay.
Let me guess. You couldn't wait to
appropriately catalog
how amazing this meal was.
Relax, Ramsay. It was good, but...
I've had better.
I've had better, but not by much.
I'll take it.
Does it hurt?
Every day.
So, um...
How did you get so good at cooking?
Um...
Hard work.
A lot of it.
Because in the kitchen,
you're either good or you're not.
Kitchen, like, professional?
Well, it definitely didn't feel that way
at times, but, um...
Yeah. I guess you could say it was a
pretty professional kitchen.
Any place I've ever heard of?
Doubt it.
Unless you've ever spent a significant
amount of time in Cleveland.
Cleveland?
Yeah. That's where I
worked. Have you ever been?
Nope. Never been.
Well, then I can confidently say that
you've never been to Meryl.
Food there is pretty
good overall, but, um...
GM has a final say in things.
Which I can usually override using my
diplomatic persuasive abilities.
Tangling with the GM, huh?
So, were you the head chef?
Sous chef.
The executive chef had one
hell of a temper, though.
He would always get into
these crazy arguments with GM.
And it was kind of the
peacemaker there, which...
ended up being a full-time job in itself.
So, why'd you leave?
Um...
When I got sick, I, uh...
I tried to push through it, but, um...
The shifts went from
being fun to being tough.
I mean, don't get me wrong, it's always
tough in a kitchen, but...
It's also a blast, you know?
I mean, it's wild, it's
fun, it's sexy, it's crazy...
Sexy?
But, um...
It stopped being fun.
You know, I couldn't make it through
service without having a meltdown.
Eventually I learned I became more of a
liability than help.
So, uh...
I stepped down.
Was it hard?
Stepping away from what you love?
I miss it every day.
It hurts more knowing that the kitchen
can operate just as well without you.
But you're going back
to it eventually, right?
I don't know.
I mean, I stepped away so I could, you
know, figure all this out, but, uh...
I don't know.
Well, you should think about it.
You're really great.
Thanks.
So, uh...
Now that I've blown you away with my
amazing culinary skills,
what would you like to do?
Something chill.
It's gonna take me a
while to digest all that food.
Do you have any board games?
Ooh!
Easy.
Gotcha.
Oh my God! Are you serious?
Yeah!
Alright.
Although, we probably
need more than two people.
Okay, you're right. You're right.
Okay. Alright.
Well, you know what?
I always play something like horse.
Horse?
Oh my gosh.
What's this one?
Uh, I mean, it's okay.
But I think we should play Scrabble.
I don't know if you can handle my skills.
I'm kind of a master at this.
Do you know any words
big enough to win Scrabble?
Rude.
I only tell the truth.
Set it up.
Okay.
Let's go.
Would you just go already?
Hang on.
You can't rush genius.
Genius?
How much am I winning by again?
Points don't matter.
Do you know who else says that?
Don't say it.
The people who lose.
Rude.
Come on! It's been like
five minutes since you...
Aha! Here we go. Ready?
Yeet?
What? Be jealous of my amazing skills.
Jealous of what? That isn't a word.
Yes it is.
No it's not.
What do you mean that yeet isn't a word?
It isn't a word.
You're gonna feel really silly. I'm gonna
put an end to this right now.
Survey says?
Scrabble's a dumb game anyway.
Ahhh!
Ahhh!
Yea alright.
So um, what do you do for work?
Besides dominate the
Scrabble boards of course.
Wait, are you a
professional Scrabble player?
Is that even a thing?
Not for real though.
What do you do?
I umm...
You know what?
I have a solution.
To what?
Well...
You seem to struggle when it comes to
answering anything
personal about yourself.
Okay.
At least from my perspective, the problem
stems from you making a decision of
whether you want to open up or not.
I'm listening.
So, what if I remove
the decision making part?
I'll ask a question,
and then we'll draw cards.
If I get the higher number,
you gotta spill the beans.
If you get the higher
number, well, you don't.
That's not fair. I'm the
only one on trial here.
Alright, uh, we'll
alternate. Same rules apply.
Okay, shuffle up and deal.
Alright, first question.
Hold on.
Shouldn't the overwhelming winner of the
last game get the first choice?
Honestly, I thought you'd show pity on me
and let me go, but...
Alright.
Think again.
Fair enough.
Since I demoralized you so badly in the
last game, I will, uh, I'll start you off
with a softball question.
Wow.
Rude and smooth.
That's one interesting
skill you have there.
I am to please.
Alright.
So, what got you into cooking?
Okay.
Ready?
Ready.
One.
Two.
Three.
You would win the first time.
Alright, uh...
It was, uh...
It was my grandma, actually.
I spent most weekends with her, and she
spent most of her time in the kitchen
cooking up something amazing.
Sausage biscuits and gravy, homemade
chicken dumplings, beef stew.
Her beef stew was
amazing. That was my favorite.
I always wanted to know
how she made it, but, uh...
She refused to tell me.
I get it, though.
I mean, she wanted me to try for myself,
you know, develop my own
kind of palate, but, uh...
That's how I got into it.
She always made these amazing meals that
made everybody feel so happy.
I wanted to do the same.
Well, you certainly
achieved that tonight.
Whatever it was that
you made was incredible.
Thanks.
So, uh, do you still cook with her?
Uh... no, she, uh...
She died a couple years ago.
Did she ever teach you
how to make the beef stew?
Uh, yeah, actually, she
did. The last time I saw her...
I mean, she only told me the basic
recipe, but, uh, she told me she made it
through a sense of taste and texture.
Makes sense.
So, how close have you ever
gotten to making it like her?
Um, pretty close. Real
close, actually. But, uh...
Never as close as the way she made it.
Well, she sounds awesome.
She was.
My turn.
So, should I go for the throat, or should
I give you an easy question?
Alright. I'll go easy.
Why surfing? Is this something you've
been doing, or is this a new hobby?
One.
Two.
Three.
New hobby.
Wait, that's it?
I answered.
Dude, I gave you my whole backstory! How
can you just give me two words? Come on.
Fine. Um...
Well, I went to Hawaii five years ago,
and I just sat there, and
I watched everyone surf.
I couldn't surf at the time, so I... I
made it a goal to try.
I always swam as a kid.
I really love the water.
And I guess I just wanted
something where I could be active.
I mean, I hate when everyone sits around
on their phones and
completely disconnects.
I mean, social media is legit
the worst thing ever created.
I hate all of it. The phones, the apps,
it's all so stupid and
toxic and negative all the time.
I mean, strangers asking you questions
and wondering how you are.
And strangers from fourth grade popping
up all of a sudden who
pretend like they care about you.
But, um...
When I'm surfing, nothing else matters.
I mean, when I'm out in that water, on
that board, it feels really good.
I mean, even when I
fail, it feels really good.
I definitely know what
you mean about failing.
Hey, you're not bad out there.
Dude, I fall constantly.
That's why it's a beginners class.
Yeah, we're really lucky to
have Morgan. She's so amazing.
Yeah, she's really great.
Like you would know.
What's that supposed to mean?
Well, I mean, you don't talk to her. I
mean, you don't talk to
anyone for that matter.
You're like this phantom who appears and
then disappears as
quickly as class is over.
Why is that?
I believe that you already asked your
question and it's my turn.
Oh, is that how it's gonna be?
Rules are rules.
Okay.
How did you find out you have cancer?
One.
Two.
Three.
I, uh...
I felt a bump.
I was, uh...
I was at home on the
couch watching movies and...
I went to go scratch under my arm and...
There it was.
It was like this little pebble.
That was it.
I had a doctor look at it and he...
He told me it wasn't
anything to worry about.
So I saw a specialist and he also
told me it was nothing to worry about.
That's all everyone said. Don't worry.
That is until the
surgeon called with my results.
And I was scheduled in for
surgery less than a month.
It's funny how quickly life can change.
So, that's what you're doing here?
Just a quick escape while you wait for
some results to come back?
Yeah.
I had to get away.
My friends and family just
kept sending me messages, but...
I can't bring myself
to open them, you know?
I'm... I'm not ready.
But, uh...
My agreement is, uh, almost up, so...
I gotta figure out something.
You know, I... I miss them.
I do.
I'm just...
I'm not ready for all the questions and
well wishes right now.
I've got far too much on my mind to...
even think about it.
It's too much.
Sometimes, you know?
What about you?
What?
When do you go back?
You don't know?
What's your agreement up?
I don't know. Soon, I guess.
Wait, you don't know?
How do you not know?
Can we just not do
this right now? Please?
Yeah, okay. Sorry.
My turn, huh?
The anticipation is...
What happened?
Your accident.
One.
Two.
Three.
sh*t.
Well...
I started biking
because the MTA is trash.
And, um, the F-line just
stopped running on the weekends.
And I needed the F-line to get to work.
And I realized it was about half the
amount of time to bike to work than it
was to take the train.
So, I started biking each weekend.
I was leaving work, and I was about to
cross the bridge into Brooklyn.
And I remember it was
super windy that day.
And, um...
The last thing I remember is that...
I was starting to go downhill on the
bridge, and I was picking up so much
speed from the wind, and...
I tapped the brakes on my handlebars, and
I flew over my handlebars.
It's the last thing I
remember before I woke up.
And there was this man standing over me.
I couldn't really make out
what he was saying, because...
It was all so muffled.
But, um...
After a while, I could finally start to
make out what he was saying.
And all he kept saying over and over
again was, "I was gonna be
okay. I was gonna be okay."
And that he said he had called
911, and I was gonna be okay.
And I just... I wondered
why he kept saying that.
And, um...
And then it hit me. I, um...
This pain started to wash over me.
Um, it was nothing like I'd ever felt.
And, um...
I looked down at my hands, and my arms,
and my legs, and, um...
I had never seen so
much blood in my life.
And...
I could move my legs...
or my arms.
And I felt like I was dying.
And, um...
All I kept thinking was...
all the things I never did.
The things I would never get to say.
The adventures I
would never get to go on.
And...
So I was...
cut up.
Went to physical therapy.
And, um...
just when I started building hope again.
I found out I would never dance again.
Not...
professionally.
Not like I did.
And, um...
It felt like I died all over again.
Because I was good.
I was really f*cking good.
I mean, dance was my whole life.
It was everything I'd ever worked for.
And, um...
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know who I am.
I feel like nothing.
I have nothing.
I um...
I mean, I can't even look at a bike
without completely breaking down.
And, um...
I can't go back into the city.
I mean, each job is just
one rejection after another.
I just...
What do you do when
your whole life changes?
I, um...
I just felt that whole morning, like,
I shouldn't bike to work.
And I just had this feeling in my gut.
And even on my break, I
went into a coffee shop.
And my horoscope said that something
tragic was gonna happen today.
And that I should be careful.
But, uh...
I biked anyway.
If I just would've f*cking
listened to my gut, I just...
Morning.
Hey, morning.
What you doing?
Well, I was gonna make us some coffee.
Oh, coffee sounds great.
Do you know what?
I have a better idea.
Let's go downstairs and get some coffee.
I could really go for a hazelnut latte.
That's my favorite, too.
And, uh, that would be a great idea if I
wasn't completely broke.
Eh, don't worry about it. I'll get it.
Logan, I can't.
Riley, please, can we
not do this this morning?
It's far too early to get into a
discussion about who's buying coffee
when I'm not even capable
of having said discussion
until I've had coffee.
Okay, fine.
I'll get dressed.
Thank you.
What?
Oh, check it out.
They have donuts.
Want to get some?
It donut day.
Yeah?
Yeah!
Sprinkles.
Uh, Penut butter.
Hey, we're doing well.
Uh, we would like two hazelnut lattes,
one with whole milk and one with oat.
Yeah.
And, um, I was wondering
when Gillian gets in today,
because I just wanted to
thank her for something.
Um...
What's wrong?
So, last night, Gillian
passed in a car accident.
She was on her way home.
You're kidding.
We just saw her.
If you guys are interested, tonight we're
having a memorial on the beach.
So everyone's gonna be here.
Uh, friends, family.
Um, yeah, of course.
Yeah, thank you.
Hope to see you guys there.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Hey.
How you doing?
Riley?
I'm gonna go home and make some coffee.
No, no, hey.
We should talk about this.
I said I don't want to talk about it.
Riley, I know you're upset, but I think
we should talk about it.
Talk about what?
Look, I know you were friends.
I saw you talk to her all the time.
I know you liked her.
Oh, do you?
You know what I like now.
Come on, don't do this.
Do what?
What am I doing now, Logan?
What, you're pretending
like this doesn't hurt.
Like you're not even sad.
Well, what do I say?
What do I say that makes
any of this better or okay?
She's gone.
It's not that simple.
Yes, it is.
We are born, we're here for a
while, we die, and that's it.
Come on, there's more to
life to that and you know it.
I mean, it's about the people that we
interact with, the things we get to do,
the emotions we get to feel.
Oh.
Look at who became an expert in living
life all of a sudden.
What the hell does that even mean?
You act like you have it
together, but you don't.
You want to give me advice about living
life when you're the one
running away from your family.
Acting all happy-go-lucky and like
everything's all great so you don't have
to talk about anything real.
Me? What about you?
At least I know I'm going home.
My running away is only temporary.
What about you?
When are you going home?
Hell, where is home?
You say I'm acting fake?
I'm at least talking to
people, trying to socialize.
You just block everyone out.
Like that's any sort of way to live.
Come on, you can't honestly tell me that
you don't have a single
person that cares about you.
Not one person that reaches
out to see if you're okay.
I don't buy it.
I'm here, Riley.
I'm standing right here in front of you.
Yet you refuse to let me in.
You like half open up and then you
immediately shut down.
God, do you know how much it sucks to
look at somebody and actually see them?
To see yourself in them?
To know that they see
you but refuse to admit it?
Do you want to know why I
think you block everyone out?
Because you're afraid that someday you're
going to find someone or
something to love again.
And you're going to lose it.
Like you did with dancing.
Which sucks because
you're so much more than that.
It's like you've let this fear consume
you to the point of not even being open
to the possibility of living a new life.
You say I'm pretending?
You're the one who's acting
like they're already dead.
Riley.
f*ck you.
Riley, I know this doesn't fix anything
and you might think
it's lame, but writing down
my thoughts really helped me get through
some hard times and I
thought maybe it could help
you too.
No matter what you
think, you're not alone.
I know it and Logan knows it too.
Maybe give him a shot.
Or not.
What do I know?
I'm just a barista.
Gillian.
I don't know how many of you know this,
but Gillian and I were pretty tight.
I've been giving her surf
lessons for the past two years.
And she was really terrible at first.
But she didn't quit.
She kept going.
No matter how hard it was
or how frustrated she got,
in fact the more pissed off she was,
the harder she worked at it.
That's why I like Gillian.
She never gave up.
Jillian was my friend,
like she was to many of you.
She had this ability
to make people smile.
No matter how shitty your day was or what
else you had going on.
Her energy was just infectious.
I was proud to know her.
And I was proud of her.
Just three days ago we were sitting out
in the water talking
and told me how excited she was to
actually feel like she
was getting good at surfing.
Said that pretty soon she's going to be
shredding the waves beside me.
sh*t.
To our friend that
never gave up, Gillian.
Riley, hello.
I know it took us a while to get back to
you and we appreciate your patience.
We had so many amazing
candidates to work through.
However, I am very excited to reach out
and officially offer you the position of
dance captain for our
spring show next year.
Please let us know as soon as possible if
you would like to move forward with the
position and we can iron
out all the remaining details.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Best.
Olivia.
Hold on.
I'm coming.
Hold on.
Morning.
Dude, it's like 6
a.m. What are you doing?
Bro, it's like 8 a.m. You're just a bum.
Besides, you can't be mad. I brought the
ultimate peacemaker.
Gold.
Cash.
Fleetwood Mac.
Close.
Coffee.
Mmm, hazelnut.
The best.
With oat milk.
Not bad.
So, listen.
Ah, hold on.
Mmm.
Okay.
Anyways, I was thinking since I'm leaving
soon and we don't have class today,
the two of us should hang.
But we've hung out like every other day.
How would that be different?
True.
I was thinking that we'd be
a bit more intentional today.
I'm listening.
I have a plan. Go get dressed.
I'm scared.
Come on. Go get dressed.
So, where are we going?
I thought we could go for a bike ride.
Look, I know it's cheesy, but it's a
beautiful morning and it might be a fun
way to explore the town more.
No, absolutely not.
Riley, I know you're afraid, and there's
nothing wrong with that.
But if there's one thing I learned while
being here this week, meeting you,
hearing your story, Gillian,
life's too short to be afraid.
We're stronger than our fears.
I am not as strong as you think I am.
See, that's where you're wrong. You're
the strongest and bravest
person that I've ever met.
Fine.
Two conditions.
One, you have to respond back to those
text messages from your family and
friends because they care about you.
And the other?
No bridges, okay?
All right.
I agree to these terms.
Also, I'm really glad that you agreed.
Because this morning I already came down
here and I got these bikes for us.
Wow. Look at you being so confident.
Not confident. More like hopeful.
Hey.
Hey.
Riley, it's okay.
I'm here.
I'm not going anywhere.
Everything okay?
Yeah, spam.
Ready?
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